- 2 days ago
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00:26Oh my gosh, they killed Timmy!
00:28You bastards!
00:52No! My legs! It's happening again!
00:55Ugh!
00:57I have to save the grassy knoll.
00:59Sorry, Patches.
01:03Ugh. What's wrong with your legs?
01:06What's wrong with your legs?
01:07Ugh, never mind.
01:09I'm going away this weekend on a very important,
01:11very businessy business retreat.
01:13In case of emergency, I'm keeping my phone silenced.
01:17Well, enough bonding. Don't gain weight.
01:19Bye!
01:24My baby!
01:26Yeah!
01:28Oh, my baby's fine.
01:30Oh.
01:34Thanks, guys, for helping me pass out these flyers.
01:37You know how special the grassy knoll is to me.
01:41You used to screen your black and white films there,
01:43and I used to get milkshakes thrown at me.
01:45And I used to throw those milkshakes.
01:49Save the grassy knoll.
01:57Listen, did you feel what I felt after we kissed in the musical?
02:03I did! I tried to turn my heart off, but you keep giving me a heart on!
02:07Come on! I feel like I'm cheating on Joan!
02:10Me too.
02:10We need to avoid each other at all costs.
02:17My baby!
02:19Calm down. Your baby's fine, ma'am.
02:21Help save one of Exclamation's historical treasures, the grassy knoll.
02:26More like the greasy knoll.
02:28Their tilapia swam right through me
02:30and back into the man-made farming pond that it came from.
02:33What, you want a fancy restaurant that doesn't give you diarrhea?
02:35Uh, sorry, Mr. Rockefeller.
02:40Whoa! What is happening?
02:41Nothing! This is how I distribute stuff!
02:45Wow, Joan!
02:46I haven't seen you this excited about passed out flyers
02:49since Amelia Earhart drank all the peach schnapps!
02:51Don't look at me!
02:53Joan!
03:05Oh god!
03:07Oh god!
03:07I'm so scared the pig!
03:25Oh god!
03:32Oh god!
03:43that does it i am not waiting three weeks they never even let me go inside the park
03:49or try one of their famous one foot long hot dogs and when it was all over i didn't get
03:54so much as
03:55a warm hug whoa i didn't know scudworth had evil parents you thought that guy had normal parents
04:02what is normal joan you don't like it when parents steal money but you also don't like it when they
04:07give you money i'm just trying to keep up here holy shit are you guys like reading scudworth's
04:13journal okay we're not starting over that was directed towards them and you frida allow me
04:20okay so mr b is driving the boat and he goes did you eventually go to yesterworld after your parents
04:26died in that freak accident i had nothing to do with their banana peel on the edge of the grand
04:30kenyan
04:31freak accident but yes i did go to the park directly from the funeral
04:36i was finally free to enter yesterworld as an unaccompanied minor with dead parents
04:41i desperately wanted those historical figures to give me the love my parents never did
04:46four score and seven years ago our fathers brought they soon discovered they weren't historical figures
04:58they were cold unfeeling animatronic fakes and then i saw the foot no hot dog
05:06yes
05:08i vowed i would build a theme park to put yes the world to shame where the historical figures were
05:13flesh and blood and with a foot long hot dogs measured three feet in length oh now slow down
05:18we should be getting close to jagged rock point to what now
05:21ah
05:24i did it
05:28i'm finally here the future home of cloney island
05:32hold on
05:36all right students let's take our seats apparently we have a little problem here at the school which we
05:43need to talk about ah yes you mean the jew problem good good i'm glad we're finally going to do
05:49something
05:49about it no i mean the problem of head lice there's been a lice breakout at a school in denver
05:55and we need
05:56to make sure nobody spreads it here somebody might have lice so today you're all going to the gymnasium to
06:03have your scalps examined that is completely unnecessary everyone knows that only poor people can get lice the
06:10only person that can spread it here is kenny
06:13whoop whoop whoop i'm sure this class is clean but we're going to be examined so that if anyone has
06:18the lice we can stop it before it spreads life can live in anybody's hair okay kids today we're going
06:25to review some civil war history who can tell me what year the war started wait wait whoa whoa so
06:30what
06:30happened with what with the lice exam did they find anybody with lice yes some lice was discovered
06:39and the proper action has been taken somebody in this class uh yes oh well who was it it was
06:47kenny
06:48right that doesn't matter it's over doesn't matter if somebody had parasites in their hair we need to
06:54know who it was kenny wasn't it i want to know who it was too it's being kept confidential there's
07:01a
07:01policy in the schools not to single out a kid who has lice because of the embarrassment it can cause
07:06okay that is bullcrack you are denying our rights as children to totally rip on that kid and make
07:12him or her feel like an outcast yeah and we have a right to know which boy had lice in
07:16his hair so
07:17we don't ever go out with them how do we know it was a boy it could just have easily
07:20been one of
07:21you stupid girls yeah dumb girls the case is closed whoever had the lice they're dead now we're moving on
07:29to civil war history
07:35over this way we have the cafeteria all the meals are served there uh bradley how about you be butter's
07:40accountability buddy humble yourselves therefore under god's mighty hand that he may lift you up
07:44peter 5 6 butter's here is new to the camp he's chosen to rid himself of his affliction and forge
07:49a
07:49personal relationship with jesus christ i'm back curious do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman
07:55that is
07:55testable leviticus 18 22. that's right bradley i think we're well on our way to being healed we've
08:01got another one room 22. oh darn it oh man i've got h-o-r-s now okay my turn
08:13where is it you filthy jew where's what you know god damn well what let go of me what the
08:19hell are you
08:19doing carmen i went home to offer the picture of me with butter's penis in my mouth to look like
08:22cow
08:23but it was god what did you do with my picture knock it off i don't have your stupid picture
08:28give it back huh i don't have it i swear to god cow if you don't give it back right
08:32now i'm gonna break
08:33your fucking jew legs right here shut up you shut up you're lying and you two are covering up for
08:39it
08:39you know what you're just like jews yourselves stan you're a jew and kitty you're a jew you're all jews
08:47ow ow ow
08:57friends is there anyone you care about more than joan why did you say something definitely not then let's
09:03rebuild the grassy knoll for her i mean the new condos could be a good thing they're supposed to be
09:08fully sustainable i heard they were going to offer low-income housing uh i mean normally i'd agree with
09:14that but sometimes it's better to sustain a friendship than the environment and this is one
09:20of those times for friendship i mean i guess if everyone else is doing it does anyone mind if i
09:27kick off a fundraising montage cool thanks mom i am so glad you have rich parents they make fundraising
09:39montage is so much easier joanie we we raised one hundred thousand dollars wow i can't believe you
09:48guys did that the perfect amount of money to make a highly produced fundraising video to raise money to
09:54save the grassy knoll and i have the perfect video idea how long until nintendo wee comes out now
10:05it's still three weeks oh god okay how long now will you shut up already okay how long now will
10:14you shut up
10:16already all right kids it is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution oh boy now i
10:23for one think
10:24that evolution is a bunch of bull crap but i've been told i have to teach it anyway it was
10:30thought up by
10:31charles darwin and it goes something like this in the beginning we were all fish okay swimming around in
10:38water and then one day a couple fish had a retard baby and the retard baby was different so it
10:44got to
10:45live so retard fish goes on to make more retard babies and then one day a retard baby fish crawled
10:52out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and
10:58made this
11:00retard frog squirrel and then that had a retard baby which was a monkey fish frog
11:05frog and then this monkey fish frog had butt sex with that monkey and that monkey had a mutant
11:11retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made you so there you go you're the
11:19retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish squirrel congratulations
11:25i can't take it anymore
11:29yep you see i knew that would happen
11:34all right the person who had head lice needs to speak up right now so that we know to stay
11:38away
11:38from you
11:41yeah come on we're gonna find out sooner or later
11:45okay whoever you are you are now not only a lice head you're a liar you're only making this worse
11:50on
11:50yourself you know what i'll bet it was you me this is exactly what you would do if they found
11:55lice in
11:56your hair try to lead the charge against somebody else to take the suspicion off of yourself i don't think
12:00so kyle but you know what this is exactly what you would do if you had had head lice try
12:05to get
12:05everyone to blame me you guys stop it this isn't getting us anywhere that's exactly what you would
12:09do if you had head lice then yeah try to have everyone make peace so it doesn't seem like a
12:13big
12:13deal and this is exactly what kinney would do stand here and say nothing hey guys what would i do
12:18let's
12:19just get a magnifying glass and look at everyone's heads it's too late the treatment would have killed it
12:23well i guess we're never gonna know there's no way to tell there's a way there's a way to find
12:28out
12:28who had sick ass head cooties and i'm gonna find it
12:34kenny mcconic you are charged with bringing head cooties into our school and lying about it to cover
12:39your ass how do you plead guilty i thought so all right let's do this you guys maybe we should
12:46just
12:46wait a few more minutes all right kenny you know what has to happen suck bad everyone wash kenny with
12:53the soap and dry him off with the socks no no no no no no wait stop stop it i
13:04can't let kenny be sock dried
13:06he had cooties and he lied about it kenny didn't have the headlights all right it was me
13:13what i was the one i was too afraid to say anything but i can't let kenny be sock bait
13:18for it
13:20why are you saying that kyle you can't be the one who had head lice because i was you're just
13:25trying
13:25to make me feel bad because you figured that out didn't you wait wait a minute what oh i get
13:29it
13:29there's some kind of big trick on me you've known i was the one with head lice all along huh
13:33you had
13:34head lice of course why do you think i went through that elaborate bullcrab experiment to frame kenny
13:38you all had head lice every single person in the class the boys and the girls life spreads fast you
13:46dumbasses i thought i was the only one me too but that means that means kenny was lying suck
13:57bad yeah that's me now that she's better we should probably confess right i know i feel awful tony
14:09thank god you're better there's no way i could have gotten better without you kfk and i kissed
14:16we thought there was something there after kissing the musical so uh we had to make sure but my wiener
14:22belt zippo like i was kissing my hairy aunt at the cookout it was like a sock filled with oatmeal
14:27just dangling there joan say something this didn't happen now i deny it it's my fault i blame myself
14:38no this is what what make us smite you joan i'm sorry baby please just let it ride she's going
14:47through the stages of grief i hate this i hate myself no screw this screw you all to hell why
14:54are
14:55there so many clouds i'm fine i'm totally fine squirrels talk to me i'm so alone how many stages
15:03are there i feel like we're in the home stretch quit looking at me die tree i'm drowning my feelings
15:09it's okay thank you for being honest with me i'm glad they told you that was so hard keeping that
15:17secret from you what you knew and you didn't tell me i was trying to be a good best friend
15:23and protect
15:24you that's why i didn't tell you the old abe wouldn't have done that he would have honored our
15:29blood pact and right now i'm nostalgic for him oh god how do we stop this i need to get
15:35over our
15:35friendship the same way i got over the music of john melancamp i need to accept that there's change
15:41in life grow and move on what does that mean i have to let our friendship go
15:54i need an aspirin and a plan b for mr b 100 missed calls from joan boy i'm glad i
16:04had this turned
16:04off that would have been very annoying hey um you know how you said i wasn't a total piece of
16:12yesterday i don't remember anything from these trips right okay you know i remember everything
16:20quite vividly some pretty good stories actually
16:28eric oopsie what's the matter
16:31i don't want to go to school tomorrow
16:36sweetie shh tell mommy what happened
16:39kyle has a picture of me and he's gonna show everyone during show and tell and everyone's gonna laugh at
16:46me
16:47oh now why would he do that because he's jealous of how much smarter i am than him
16:54so he's gonna show everyone the picture
16:58what is the picture of eric
17:03last time when butter stayed the night i was being really nice to him and i was gonna take a
17:09picture of
17:09him for his mom to have oh that's nice but then right when i took the picture butters got really
17:16hot
17:16so he pulled his pajama bottoms down and then i tripped and fell down and my mouth landed right on
17:21his penis
17:22and then i thought of something funny so i smiled over the camera and gave like a thumbs up and
17:27then
17:27kyle took the picture for me and he's gonna show it to everybody and make them think i'm gay
17:34oh there there sweetie it'll be okay these things happen
17:40but mom i've been trying to get the picture back but he won't give it to me
17:45it's okay eric i'll have a talk with kyle's mother
17:50you will count to bella buddy i went looking for him but he runs real fast
17:56you don't seem to take this camp seriously butters i've called your father in for a talk
18:01oh no my dad do you understand the concept of hell do you realize that if we don't fix you
18:06you will
18:07burn in a lake of fire for eternity well yeah but i just don't quite understand what you're fixing
18:12we're fixing your confusion there you are butters oh hey dad what's he done now mr stotch your son is
18:20insubordinate unwilling to change and worse yet he's lost his accountability buddy they found him
18:26they found bradley you better come quick
18:36oh lord in heaven don't jump bradley
18:39stay back i'm an abomination of god no no we're fixing you don't jump bradley you will only make
18:47god angrier with you it's too late bradley please you're my accountability buddy how will this make
18:55me look you get back you're only going to make things worse i'm not normal i'll never be normal
19:00you're perfectly normal bradley get back you're just as confused as he is
19:05all right all right that does it i am sick and tired of everyone telling me i'm confused
19:12i wasn't confused until other people started telling me i was
19:17you know what i think i think maybe you're the ones who are confused yeah i'm not going to be
19:24confused anymore just because you say i should be my name is butters i'm eight years old i'm blood type
19:31o
19:31and i'm bi-curious and even that's okay because if i'm bi-curious and i'm somehow made from god
19:39then i think your god must be a little bi-curious himself
19:48i think i think i'd like to come down now he's coming down
19:56the power of christ we have saved this child
19:59well butters i guess we might as well go home looks like you're never gonna change
20:04no i like being bi-curious well you know something so do i
20:11wait now i am confused and broken and broke broken first his parents let him down then the theme park
20:21characters and now the love of his life this was not supposed to make me feel this way should we
20:26stop
20:26don't you dare make with the words and the talking you think i took your money and left no you
20:33see
20:34i kept thinking about our fight so i did and this photograph i took of a sunset near the power
20:40plant
20:40note how the contrasting images make a statement about our impact on the earth
20:44which brings us to my last picture
20:49this picture you may find somewhat controversial
20:55ew
20:58dude yes this is shot at a five six aperture using a low light filter you can see the grain
21:03from the
21:04high-speed film there's sort of a penis in my mouth right here and the low depth of field keeps
21:07the
21:08background soft eric what the hell is this what this is is a statement against the war in iraq it's
21:14wrong
21:14we still have our troops there it's wrong and what i'm saying eric cartman we got an emergency
21:19message from your mother do not show picture kyle didn't have it after all found it under your desk
21:27she said you'd know what that means okay
21:51we're going home mr b and it was all my idea it came to me clearly after climax she's just
21:57trying to
21:57steal your money again and escape in our boat you're not listening you little pitch bar spice
22:02sandra's an angel with flirty fat deposits where daddy likey i have nothing to worry about
22:07my money-mers hasn't left my sight it was a very helpful cushion during our love that we made
22:13sir you're making a mistake humans don't make mistakes in love my decision is final
22:19poor scudworth that's what happens when you let your guard down when i let my guard down more water
22:25gibson if a guy can't trust a woman with a matching butt tattoo what hope do the rest of us
22:30have
22:30listen to you all bunch of downers man scudworth's story isn't even over and i for one am not giving
22:36up on love just yet now give me that thing let's finish this
22:44so
22:56so
22:57so
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