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Have I Got News For You - Season 4 Us - Episode 10: Kara Swisher, Nish Kumar
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00:21I am Roy Wood Jr. in the news this week
00:26Kristi Noem goes incognito as she adapts to civilian life
00:35Jesse Waters explains to you what's his type
00:38It's the women drinking margaritas before takeoff
00:42First Lady lists all the things her husband calls Venezuela
00:46Burundi, Cabo Verde, Congo, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic
00:53Ecuador, Equatorial Guinea, Estonia, France, Gambia, Georgia, Ghana, and Guatemala
01:04On Amber's team tonight she's a tech journalist, author, and host of the upcoming CNN series
01:09Kara Swisher Wants to Live Forever
01:11Which will air right after my show
01:13Roy Wood Jr. wants to die in about five minutes
01:15It's Kara Swisher
01:19And on Michael's team tonight
01:22Joining us from across the pond in Britain
01:24He's a stand-up comedian and podcaster
01:26Who's also appeared on the British version of Have I Good News For You
01:29We won't let him leave until he says
01:31Our show is the better show
01:33It's Nish Kumar
01:36Now for the biggest stories of the week
01:40Everybody watch the clip
01:41Tell me what is the story
01:43All right
01:43It's that guy
01:45Who's that man?
01:46Ooh, it's Ireland
01:47Iran
01:47It's green
01:48PSA
01:48This is any airport in America right now
01:51And that's gas
01:52Yeah
01:53And that guy is hooked
01:56We're painted into a corner in Iran
01:58Also, I mean, it seems like a big story
01:59You got gas prices
02:01You got the straight-up
02:02Hormuz
02:02You got the airports
02:04You got all kinds of stuff
02:05Nish, what do you think?
02:05I'd like to start by saying
02:07That I'm here on a work visa
02:09So I just want to be incredibly clear
02:10I am going to be telling people
02:12That I'm Kash Patel's nephew
02:14Can you do the eyes
02:16Or you got to do the eyes
02:25The story is
02:26With Iran fighting back
02:27And global economic catastrophe looming
02:29It seems that President Trump
02:30Has painted himself
02:31Into a bit of a corner
02:33With this war
02:35I guess we're still calling it
02:36It's an excursion
02:37Whatever the hell you want to call it
02:39It is definitely a war
02:40We have already won
02:42Right?
02:42Or
02:43Look, here's Caroline Leavitt
02:45On Wednesday summing it up
02:46President Trump does not bluff
02:47And he is prepared
02:48To unleash hell
02:49Any violence beyond this point
02:51Will be because
02:52The Iranian regime
02:53Refused to understand
02:54They have already been defeated
02:57Well, yay
02:58Doesn't that sound like a threat
03:00From, like, Bane
03:01From Batman?
03:02Yeah, yeah
03:03You refuse to understand
03:05You have already been defeated
03:07Hey, hey, hey
03:08Watch that accent, Roy
03:09My culture is not your costume
03:10Okay
03:12Well, it's a little unclear
03:13On whether or not
03:14We've won the war or not
03:15But coming into this week
03:16Trump backed himself
03:17Into a corner
03:19How did he get himself
03:20Out of that corner this week?
03:22He said
03:22If you don't open
03:24The straight-up
03:24Hormuz
03:25In 48 hours
03:26I'm going to bomb
03:28The shit out of you
03:29And all your energy stuff
03:30And they were like
03:31Yeah, okay, bro
03:31And then 48 hours later
03:34He was like
03:34You know what?
03:36We're going to give it five days
03:37Yeah
03:39And then yesterday
03:40He was like
03:40You know what?
03:41We're going to give it ten days
03:43Because negotiations are going so well
03:45Yeah
03:45He's not negotiating
03:47With anybody
03:48You know what he should say
03:49Is have you heard about
03:50The Epstein files
03:51Or something
03:51Yeah
03:53Let's get back to them
03:54Why would that be a problem
03:57With the president posting
03:58That he's having negotiations with
04:00Because it's not true
04:01Not true
04:02Double points
04:03Because it might not have been true
04:07Iran State TV says that
04:09Trump capitulated
04:10There are no direct or indirect talks
04:13Taking place with the Trump regime
04:15I'm not thrilled
04:17That I trust Iranian State TV
04:21More than I trust my president
04:23I believe them
04:24I don't believe him
04:25Our president insists
04:27That this deal is very real
04:29They want very much to make a deal
04:32We'd like to make a deal too
04:33If it goes well
04:34We're going to end up with settling this
04:36Otherwise we just keep bombing our little hearts out
04:39Now to the people in the relationship
04:41Up here on the panel
04:42Is that an effective negotiating strategy?
04:45Let's work this out
04:46Or I will blow up our home
04:48Are we taking relationship advice from Donald Trump?
04:51Isn't being in a relationship
04:52The only thing he's worse at than being president?
04:56But yes, according to the president
04:58If you don't take the deal
04:59We will blow up the table
05:00Or as Pete Hex have put it
05:01The next day
05:02We negotiate with bombs
05:04The president has made it clear
05:06That you will not have a nuclear weapon
05:07The war department agrees
05:09Our job is to ensure that
05:10And so we're keeping our hand on that throttle
05:13As long as it's hard as is necessary
05:15That's right
05:16As long as it's hard
05:18You keep your hand on that long and hard throttle
05:22And if that throttle's hard for more than four hours
05:25You call a doctor
05:27Whenever I see Hexer and Trump together on TV
05:30I always think, yeah, this is a declining empire
05:33And to be fair
05:35I've come from a declining empire
05:37Well, to be fair
05:39You come from a fully declined empire
05:42And let me tell you
05:43Lean into the decline
05:45Let it all hang out
05:48Well, we don't know for sure
05:50Who's negotiating on the Iranian side
05:53Here's who's involved in the deal on our side
05:56J.D. is involved
05:58And Marco is involved
05:59And Jared Kushner is involved
06:02Very smart guy
06:03And Steve Whitcoff, smart guy
06:06Is involved
06:07And I'm involved
06:08I'm involved
06:09I'm going to be so big
06:11I don't want to talk about it
06:12I'm the president of the United States, Tom
06:16Did it seem like he was surprised that he was involved?
06:19Just to receive the news
06:21Out of that cast of characters in Trump's cabinet
06:23Who does the Iranian government want to talk with the most?
06:28Vance
06:28I don't think anyone has ever wanted to talk to J.D. Vance
06:31And I would include his wife and children in that list
06:34Here's the answer
06:36We're hearing from sources at CNN
06:37Who told my colleague, Kylie Atwood
06:39That Iran has actually expressed a preference
06:42For engaging in talks with the vice president, J.D. Vance
06:45One of the sources told us that
06:47The perception is that Vance would be intent on wrapping up the conflict
06:51More so than the other officials
06:53Also, J.D. Vance is the most likely to become the new American Ayatollah
06:57So it does make some sense
06:59You know for a fact
07:01That they insist on having J.D. Vance
07:04Because they want to see if his head is really that size
07:10They're going to be like
07:11Hey, welcome
07:11Try this hat on
07:15A little snug, right?
07:18He's a one-man argument against the concept of white supremacy
07:24Now, our administration is saying that the war is starting to ramp down
07:28They say that the Iranian excursion is almost over
07:30Question, though
07:32What signs are happening right now that might indicate that we're still at war?
07:38Bombs
07:38Bombs
07:40What comes after the bombs?
07:42Didn't they send another 10,000 troops?
07:44Troops
07:44Bunch right there, yes!
07:46The Wall Street Journal reports that the Pentagon is weighing sending another 10,000 U.S. ground troops to the
07:52Middle East
07:52That's according to Department of Defense officials with knowledge of the planning
07:56Yeah, because we won
07:58We're going to have the ticker tape parade
08:01With all those troops in the middle of Tehran
08:03And they're all going to be greeting us like liberators
08:05Our president has sent the troops
08:07But surely he has a good reason for sending the troops
08:10He knows more about the conflict than anyone
08:13Anyone
08:13How does our president get his daily updates about what is happening in Iran?
08:20So he has folded up a cootie catcher
08:23And then when you come in, he asks you your favorite color
08:28And then number
08:29And then he flips that open
08:32And that will tell him what has happened
08:36Military officials make Trump a video update
08:38That shows the biggest, most successful strikes
08:41Which typically runs for about two minutes
08:44And mostly shows clips of stuff blowing up
08:48I'm actually surprised he can pay attention for two minutes
08:52I know, I had the under on that mug
08:55Two minutes, that's pretty great
08:57He's 100% watching that on the toilet
08:59I'm sorry to tell you
09:00There is no way that man is not watching that
09:03He's getting a video compilation of a war
09:05That has the potential to reshape the entire world
09:09That lasts shorter than the top ten highlights on SportsCenter
09:14But once again, from a visa perspective
09:16I think that is very smart
09:18And it frees him up to think about other things in the day
09:20So on Thursday, the president said Iran is still begging
09:25Begging
09:26To make a deal
09:27They are begging to make a deal, not me
09:29They're begging to make a deal
09:31The Iranian regime is now admitting to itself
09:34That they have been decisively defeated
09:37They're saying to people
09:39This is a disaster
09:41Let's get back to the whole war thing now
09:43In the midst of all of this back and forth
09:44Of whether or not we're winning a war, losing a war
09:46Whether or not there is a war
09:48Iran has found a new weapon
09:50To fight back against America
09:53And Trump specifically
09:54Question, what is Iran's new weapon
09:57Against Trump
09:58Oh, videos, those crazy videos
10:00Those crazy AI videos
10:02Hey Trump, you are fired
10:03You are familiar with this sentence
10:05Thank you for your attention to this matter
10:11Thank you for your attention to this matter
10:12Do you think Trump just think that was Mom Donnie
10:15From New York City?
10:18Here's another Iranian video
10:20Trolling Trump
10:35Yeah
10:36And they did it using his favorite toy
10:38Lego
10:40Lean into the decline
10:44Join us
10:45In the expired military powers pile
10:49Yeah, this week's golden slot bucket
10:51For biggest mess at home
10:52Goes to America's airports
10:54Americans suffer hours-long wait times
10:57At some of the nation's largest airports
10:58Sneaking around three different floors
11:01Probably about a quarter of a mile
11:03From the main checkpoint area
11:05The line continues to go
11:11What is the problem
11:13With the airports right now?
11:15They aren't paying TSA
11:16So then TSA workers aren't showing up
11:18Or they quit
11:19The TSA has been on the verge
11:20Of a total meltdown
11:21For over a month
11:22Thanks to congressional failure
11:24To pass DHS funding
11:26But in the wee hours of Friday morning
11:28The Senate approved funding
11:30For most of DHS
11:31The Senate wakes up Friday morning
11:34They go
11:34We're gonna pay TSA
11:35We're not gonna give more money to ICE
11:36House has to just do the same thing
11:39Everybody gets paid
11:40How do you think the House voted?
11:42They didn't and then went on vacation
11:44Oh, shit
11:45New legislature, who dis?
11:49Double points
11:51The Republicans said
11:53Not in this House
11:54Breaking news
11:55In the fight to fund
11:56The Department of Homeland Security
11:57Just last hour
11:58Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson
12:00Railed against the bill
12:02That unanimously passed
12:03And the Republican-led Senate overnight
12:05One of Mike Johnson's issues
12:07With the funding package
12:08Was that it didn't include funding for ICE
12:10Who, mind you
12:11Is already flush with cash
12:13Thanks to last year's
12:14Big, beautiful bill
12:15Here's Johnson
12:16The Republicans are not gonna be a party
12:18To this
12:19They have taken hostage
12:20The funding processes of government
12:22So that they can impose
12:24Their radical agenda
12:24On the American people
12:25When we can't have any part of it
12:27Yes, the radical agenda
12:28Of paying TSA workers
12:30You know, he's gonna make
12:32A great contestant
12:34On Dancing with the Stars
12:37Now, meanwhile
12:38While the airports are in trouble this week
12:39The acting head of TSA
12:40Told Congress
12:41That airline passengers
12:42Are seeing, quote
12:43The highest wait times in history
12:46With over 480 TSA officers
12:48Having quit
12:49Since the shutdown began
12:51But thankfully
12:52One man is ready
12:53To meet the challenge
12:54Who is Trump counting on
12:56To restore order
12:58To America's airports?
13:00He-man
13:03Mark Wayne Mullen?
13:05You gotta say it
13:06Oklahoma, Texas
13:07Oh, I got it
13:07Mark Wayne Mullen
13:09Point
13:11Yes, Trump is counting on
13:13Newly confirmed
13:13Secretary of the DHS
13:15And the only beaver
13:17Who wasn't in hoppers
13:18Mark Wayne Mullen
13:20Secretary Mullen
13:22Is the former senator
13:23From Oklahoma
13:24And at his swearing in ceremony
13:26This week
13:26Even Trump was surprised
13:28By some of his qualifications
13:29He's the only Native American
13:32I didn't know that, huh?
13:33Let me look at you
13:34I think that's alright
13:37He's, uh
13:38He's got the
13:39He's got great quality
13:40I can tell you
13:41I didn't know that
13:42Native American
13:43Wait a minute
13:47At his swearing in ceremony
13:48Mark Wayne Mullen
13:49Wasted no time
13:50And he took a moment
13:51To discuss meeting
13:52With unpaid DHS workers
13:54They're working for free
13:56Because of political politics
13:58That's all I need to know
13:59Political politics?
14:00Political politics
14:01That's the worst kind of politics
14:04On Friday
14:04Trump signed an order
14:06For Mark Wayne
14:06To start emergency payment
14:08For TSA workers
14:09By next week
14:10How else
14:12Has the administration
14:13Been helping
14:14Those struggling airport workers
14:16Through this crisis?
14:17Ice, ice
14:18Ice, yeah
14:19You got ice right there
14:20Helping out
14:21Doing everything
14:21Triple points, yes
14:22The White House
14:24Offered the same solution
14:25They have for every problem
14:26In this country
14:27They put a little ice on it
14:29Other airports
14:30Across the country
14:31Are seeing big changes
14:33As ice is deployed
14:34To assist the TSA
14:36I saw ice person
14:37And it was a black woman
14:40No
14:40Yes I did
14:42I saw her
14:43It was a black woman
14:45I saw her
14:45Yeah
14:45I was like what?
14:46I was shocked
14:47Yeah
14:48And then I was like
14:49Well maybe ice isn't bad
14:51But then I remembered
14:53That's how they get ya
14:54Yeah
14:55This is what they've been doing
14:57For the most part today
14:58Is doing the patrols
15:00Around the airport
15:02Talking and gathering
15:03Not really helping the public
15:05Question
15:05What's the big difference
15:07Between ice agents
15:08Working airport security
15:10And a TSA agent?
15:12None of them are trained
15:13To do anything
15:13They're trained to beat
15:15The shit out of people
15:16And they're really good at it
15:17You guys
15:18This is the meathead
15:20Gestapo
15:22Well what's happening
15:23With ice in the airports
15:24Is actually a precursor
15:26Yes
15:26According to former
15:27White House chief strategist
15:29And Chernobyl werewolf
15:30Steve Bannon
15:33And human unmade bed
15:35Because
15:37According to the human
15:38Unmade bed
15:39Steve Bannon
15:40Ice is just warming up
15:43The ice agents
15:44At the airport
15:45They're trained to
15:46Wait for it
15:47Check IDs
15:48That's why it's perfect training
15:50For the fall of 2026
15:52Because folks
15:52We're tired of having
15:53Elections stolen
15:54A lot of Republicans
15:55Have already been threatening
15:57To send ice to polling places
15:58They've been threatening
15:59That for months
16:00And also voting
16:01Without a passport
16:02Isn't the only freedom
16:04The White House
16:04Is coming for
16:05Question
16:05What other voting right
16:07Does Trump want
16:08To get rid of?
16:10Voting
16:10Yeah
16:13By mail?
16:14Yeah
16:14But before that
16:16Voting by mail
16:17Which he does
16:18In every election
16:19Here's the president
16:20We're the only country
16:21That does mail-in voting
16:24Mail-in voting
16:24Means mail-in cheating
16:25I call it mail-in cheating
16:27Dozens of other countries
16:28Have mail-in voting
16:29And it's existed in America
16:31Since the Civil War
16:33Which I'm sure
16:35The outcome of which
16:35The president is
16:36Not that happy about either
16:40Why might his campaign
16:41Against mail-in voting
16:42Be a little
16:44Against his own
16:45Votes by mail
16:46He voted by mail
16:47At the last election
16:48He voted by mail
16:49At this election
16:49He just did it
16:50Because of the fact
16:51That I'm president
16:52Of the United States
16:53I did a mail-in ballot
16:54For elections
16:56That took place in Florida
16:57Because I felt
16:58I should be here
16:59Instead of being
17:00In the beautiful sunshine
17:01Taking
17:02You were in Tall Beach
17:03Sir the last few weeks
17:04That's right
17:04And I
17:04Yeah
17:05And I decided
17:06That I was going to vote
17:07By mail-in ballot
17:08Because I couldn't be there
17:10We'll be right back
17:18Welcome back
17:20It's time for
17:21The offender meter
17:22Teams have to tell us
17:23Who's the offender
17:24What they did
17:25And who they offended
17:26Let us begin
17:27Let's see your offender
17:28Who is that offender
17:30Teams
17:30It's a white man
17:31Wearing black lady glasses
17:34He's such a fucking loser
17:38No matter what he does
17:39And I say this
17:40As a proud member
17:41Of the LC
17:41The loser community
17:42That all the money
17:44In the world
17:44Cannot stop you
17:45From looking like
17:46Someone is about
17:46To put you in a bin
17:48But those glasses
17:49Like do something
17:51Right?
17:51They record something?
17:53Yeah they do
17:53They're meta glasses
17:54Yeah
17:55Knowing that bloke
17:56It definitely makes
17:57Whoever you're talking to
17:58Immediately naked
17:59There's no way
18:00That he has not
18:02Got that technology
18:02All right
18:03Well let's see
18:04Who did Mark Zuckerberg
18:05Offend?
18:06He offended a jury
18:07And lost a big case
18:08In California
18:09Well to start
18:10Mark Zuckerberg
18:11Offended kids
18:12Uh seen here
18:13Using a bunch of words
18:14You'll never understand
18:15Because you're old
18:16The thing that annoys me
18:17About all of these people
18:18Is they sort of
18:19Presented themselves
18:20As like this new
18:20Generation of rich people
18:21And we should have
18:22Known that they were bad
18:23Because they called
18:23Themselves disruptors
18:25And disruption is bad
18:26If I go to the
18:27Supermarket right now
18:28And take my penis out
18:30That's extremely
18:31It's not extremely disruptive
18:33It's low to average
18:35Disruptive
18:37And if I do it
18:38In the freezer aisle
18:39It barely constitutes
18:40An interruption
18:40I was wondering
18:42Where that was going
18:44Yes earlier this week
18:45Verdicts came back
18:46In two cases
18:47Where plaintiffs
18:47Were suing meta
18:49In New Mexico
18:50After a six week trial there
18:52It only took one day
18:53Of deliberations
18:54Before the jury
18:55Came back with this
18:56A jury in New Mexico
18:57Has ruled that meta
18:59Is liable
19:00For misleading users
19:01And failed to protect
19:03Children from online
19:04Sex predators
19:05The social media giant
19:06Now has to cough up
19:07The speed of which
19:08I'm sorry
19:08Excuse me
19:10$375 million
19:11In civil penalties
19:13That's a method
19:14Reporter though
19:17You have to
19:18Cough up
19:19So now
19:20What did state
19:21Government officials do
19:23To show
19:24How meta
19:25Enables predators
19:27They pretended
19:28They were a 13 year old
19:29And immediately got
19:30Child abusers
19:31To be attracted
19:33To them
19:34Well you know
19:34This show is obviously
19:35A remake
19:35Of the English show
19:37And we've actually
19:37Back in England
19:39Done a remake
19:39Of To Catch a Predator
19:40Which is how we got
19:41Andrew
19:45Yes
19:46Point to Tara
19:47They used decoys
19:49They used decoys
19:49In New Mexico
19:50Adult agents
19:50Created social media accounts
19:52Posing as children
19:5513 years old
19:56Former employees
19:57From meta
19:57Did not have great things
19:58To say about their employer
20:00Ex-engineer
20:00Arturo Bajar
20:02Said
20:02Quote
20:03The product is very good
20:04At connecting people
20:05With interests
20:06And if your interest
20:07Is little girls
20:08It will be really good
20:10At connecting you
20:12With little girls
20:13So wait
20:14Trump's on Facebook?
20:17Allegedly
20:18Allegedly
20:19The trial in New Mexico
20:20Was the first body blow
20:21To meta
20:22Another one came
20:23From California
20:24To better explain
20:25The California case
20:26Here's CNN's
20:27Casey Hunt
20:27Big text
20:28Big tobacco moment
20:29It may have just arrived
20:31A jury in California
20:33Found YouTube
20:33And meta
20:34Liable
20:34On all counts
20:35In a social media case
20:36That accused
20:37The tech giants
20:38Of intentionally
20:39Addicting a young woman
20:40And causing harm
20:42To her mental health
20:43The verdict ordered
20:44Meta and Google
20:44To pay the young woman
20:45To combine
20:46Six million dollars
20:48In damages
20:49That's a parking ticket
20:50From Mark Zuckerberg
20:51The kind of infinite
20:52Scroll technology
20:53It kind of comes
20:54From slot machines
20:55And stuff
20:55It's deliberately
20:56Addictive to children
20:57Yeah
20:57Meta also got
20:58Some other bad news
21:00This week
21:00Anyone know
21:02What meta
21:02Is essentially
21:03Getting rid of
21:04This guy
21:05Is such a douche
21:06That he made
21:08A whole world
21:09Just so he could
21:11Have some friends
21:11And so few people
21:13Wanted to go
21:14That he's had
21:14To shut it down
21:17He's unpopular
21:18In a reality
21:19He created
21:22This man is
21:23Our Martin Luther King
21:25Martin loser king
21:30This is the way
21:31Zuckerberg
21:31Introduced
21:32Meta
21:32Imagine
21:33Put on your glasses
21:34Or headset
21:35And you're
21:35Instantly in your
21:36Home space
21:37Hey
21:38Are you coming
21:38Yeah
21:39Just gotta find
21:40Something to wear
21:42You know
21:43To be fair
21:44At the time
21:44We all thought
21:45It was douchey
21:46So it's just not
21:47It's not a
21:47No one thought
21:48It would work
21:48Except for him
21:50He's amazing
21:51He's like
21:51Imagine a world
21:52In which
21:52You text someone
21:53Want to go for a beer
21:55And they reply
21:56Yes
21:56Crazy I know
21:59How does our government
22:00Expect it to regulate
22:01Algorithms and things
22:02That they don't
22:03Completely understand
22:04Get rid of Citizens United
22:05Because they
22:06These companies
22:07Are allowed
22:08Or hollow it out
22:11Can you regulate
22:12Social media
22:13In a way
22:13That it's not addictive
22:14Can you regulate
22:15Planes
22:16Trains
22:16Automobiles
22:17This deli on the corner
22:18Has more regulations
22:19Than Facebook
22:20Or Meta
22:20And so
22:21That kind of
22:22Begs the question
22:22Yeah but the deli
22:23On the corner
22:23Serves egg salad
22:24That's true
22:26Let's see your
22:27Offender
22:28Who's this
22:29Offender panel
22:30He's the president
22:32Of the Mile High Club
22:32I think
22:33Is that right
22:34Yeah
22:34Cory Lewandowski
22:36Yes
22:36Christine Ohm's
22:38Alleged
22:38Friend
22:39Yeah that's
22:40Government advisor
22:41Cory Lewandowski
22:42Yes
22:43Government advisor
22:44And special friend
22:45Yeah
22:45It's two titles
22:46Go back to that pitch
22:48He look like a
22:49Drunk t-ball coach
22:50Get it together
22:51You little bitches
22:53Cory Lewandowski
22:54Offended the CEO
22:56Of the GEO Group
22:57Oh right
22:58Also I'm the only guy
22:59Who apparently
23:00Bids on weird paintings
23:01At auctions
23:02Yeah
23:02The prison guy
23:04Yeah George Zoli
23:05Yes yes indeed
23:06How did Cory Lewandowski
23:07Offend Mr. Zoli
23:09This guy runs the prisons
23:11And Cory Lewandowski
23:12Asked him essentially
23:13For a bribe
23:13That's what he's alleging
23:14And he's like
23:15I only give bribes
23:16Directly to president Trump
23:17Yes George Zoli's company
23:19GEO Group
23:20Is the largest owner
23:22Of detention centers
23:23In the United States
23:24But question to the panel
23:26Does anyone want to remind people
23:28Who Cory Lewandowski is
23:30He hit on Christy Noem
23:32And then
23:32I don't know
23:33He hit on Christy Noem
23:34He just hit that
23:35Yeah
23:36Cory was of course
23:38An unpaid special aid
23:39To former secretary
23:40Of homeland security
23:41Christy Noem
23:41And if you're not sure
23:42What I meant by special aid
23:44Just imagine that
23:45I'm winking
23:45When I say it
23:46And when you say unpaid
23:48You should also wink
23:49When you say it
23:50Because he was making
23:50A lot of money
23:51Recently an NBC News investigation
23:53Revealed that GEO
23:55And several other companies
23:57Complained that Lewandowski
23:58Allegedly stood
24:00To personally profit
24:01From the DHS contracting process
24:04Because all the contracts
24:06Had to go through her
24:07Anything above $100,000
24:09Had to go to her
24:10Yeah in other words
24:11Old Cory was allegedly
24:12Asking government contractors
24:14For bribes
24:15Lewandowski told the founder
24:17Of GEO Group
24:18That he wanted to quote
24:19Be paid in exchange
24:20For protecting and growing
24:22GEO Group's DHS contracts
24:25Protecting and growing
24:26Is doing a lot of work there
24:27Yes Jen Psaki
24:28Yeah
24:29Now according to sources
24:30They met with them
24:31A second time
24:32And when they still
24:33Refused to pay up
24:34Quote
24:35Lewandowski allegedly
24:36Told a senior DHS official
24:38Not to award more contracts
24:41Right
24:41To GEO Group
24:42I'm fine with GEO Group
24:43Not getting any more contracts
24:45For detention centers
24:45I like that
24:46Fuck both those motherfuckers
24:49Soliciting bribes
24:50For government contracts
24:50Is clearly illegal
24:52But don't worry
24:52According to the New York Post
24:53Cory has a plan
24:55For any possible crimes
24:57He could be accused of
24:58And charged with
24:59Question to the panel
25:00Does anyone know
25:01What Cory's plan is?
25:03I'm assuming he's just
25:04Counting on a pardon
25:04Right?
25:05I mean isn't that
25:06What everybody in the
25:06Trump administration
25:07Is counting on?
25:08Points
25:11According to the Post sources
25:12At one point
25:13Lewandowski said
25:14Quote
25:15I do whatever the fuck
25:16I want
25:16DJT will pardon me
25:18That's right
25:19I can do whatever I want
25:20I got a 79 year old friend
25:23His hands kind of rotten
25:24He's gonna save me
25:26So long as he remembers
25:27Who I am
25:29Panel
25:30Why is it ironic
25:31That George Zoli
25:32Makes tens of millions
25:33Of dollars
25:34Detaining immigrants
25:35Is he an immigrant?
25:37That would be the irony
25:38Is he married to an immigrant?
25:39Because it really feels like
25:40A lot of these people
25:42Really hate their wives
25:43That's not fair
25:45They hate all women
25:48Points to Michael
25:49It's because George
25:50Is an immigrant
25:52He was born in Greece
25:54And entered the U.S.
25:55Through Ellis Island
25:56When he was three years old
25:58Yes
25:59This man came as an immigrant
26:00And now is shutting the door
26:02And locking up all the
26:03It'd be like if
26:04Five were locked up Ratatouille
26:05Like if Ratatouille
26:06Came over here
26:07And Fiver was like
26:08I don't know you bitch
26:09You cooking bitch
26:10Technically Ratatouille
26:11Could come as a skilled worker
26:13Because he's a very
26:14Very good chef
26:15This is just
26:15Stuart Little erasure
26:17And I won't have it
26:18I won't have it
26:20Because Corey
26:21Was basically
26:22An unpaid intern
26:23The federal rules state
26:24That he can only work
26:25For the department
26:26For less than 130 days
26:28So question
26:29How did Corey
26:30Sidestep that rule?
26:32He snuck in
26:33But he came in
26:35Behind her
26:35So to speak
26:37Kara
26:38Come on
26:39Kara
26:39Well he did
26:40This show has definitely
26:41Got way more butt stuff
26:42Than the UK
26:44CNN insists on
26:45According to sources
26:47Lewandowski
26:48Was sidestepping it by
26:49Quote
26:49Arriving or departing
26:51The building
26:51Alongside Miss Noam
26:53So he didn't have
26:54To use his badge
26:55And when people
26:56Took notes
26:57On meetings he was in
26:58They didn't use his name
27:00If you don't use my name
27:01There's no record
27:02Of me being here
27:02It doesn't count
27:03Against my 130 day max
27:05That was the Fendimenter
27:06We'll be right back
27:18Welcome back
27:20Panel it is time
27:22For lie curious
27:24I'll give you three
27:25Biographical details
27:26About a public figure
27:27But only one is true
27:28You have to guess
27:29Which is the truth
27:30And which are erroneous
27:31Felonious
27:32Funky lies
27:33Let's get started
27:34Time for three facts
27:36About pop star
27:37Miley Cyrus
27:38Alright
27:39I love her
27:40That's Miley Cyrus
27:42This is embarrassing
27:43That's Hannah Montana
27:46Our facts are
27:47She owns several plots
27:49Of land on the moon
27:50She started her own line
27:52Of chewing tobacco
27:53She has a paper phobia
27:55Team Amber
27:56Which one is the truth
27:57Owns land on the moon
27:59Is fun
27:59Yeah
28:00My eye is drawn to paper phobia
28:02Just cause it's so weird
28:04Yeah
28:04Like what even is that
28:06I don't love paper
28:07My friend has a paper phobia
28:09And it's real
28:09And every time he goes
28:11To the bathroom
28:12When we're out
28:13I take the napkin
28:14From under his drink
28:15And I crumple it up
28:16And I put it in his chair
28:17And when he comes back
28:18He sits on it
28:19And he fucking freaks out
28:23I have a follow up question
28:25About his paper phobia
28:26When he goes to the bathroom
28:27Yeah
28:28If he's er
28:29I believe
28:30If I may borrow
28:31Some of the local dialect
28:32Dropped a deuce
28:34Nice
28:34How's he wiping up that mess
28:36Yeah
28:36To be graphic
28:38He wipes it like this
28:48Miley Cyrus has a paper phobia
28:53Last year
28:54Miley opened up
28:55About her fear of paper
28:56Here's Miley telling
28:57Jimmy Kimmel
28:59About her big fear
29:00I hate paper
29:02Like looking at that
29:03Makes me want to vomit
29:04The real problem for me
29:06With paper
29:07Is when
29:07When people have
29:10Dry hands
29:12And they touch paper
29:14And then it's Christmas
29:15And it's cold
29:15And everyone's hands are dry
29:16And they're all touching paper
29:20Let's cleanse the palate
29:21Amber
29:21How do you wipe his ass again?
29:23No!
29:27Time for three facts
29:28About former TV journalist
29:30And adult Bratz doll
29:31Lauren Sanchez
29:32Now facts about
29:35Lauren Sanchez are
29:36She was a consultant
29:37On the Christopher Nolan
29:38Movie Dunkirk
29:39She has access
29:41To a secret Amazon
29:43Where everything is free
29:44Her engagement ring
29:46Is made of bones
29:47Team Michael
29:47Engagement ring
29:49Made of bones
29:49That sounds good
29:50Doesn't it?
29:50It sounds good
29:51It's real
29:52Like late period
29:53French aristocracy energy
29:55Maybe it was made
29:56Out of the bones
29:56Of Louis the 14th
29:57We're going with
29:58Engagement ring
29:59Made of bones
29:59Team Amber
30:01She used to be
30:01A helicopter lady
30:02What?
30:03There weren't
30:04Helicopters in
30:05World War II
30:06I know
30:06But she flies too
30:07She does pictures
30:08On Instagram all the time
30:09Of her boobs
30:10And flying
30:10And head
30:13I'm a fan
30:14I'm a fan
30:15We will say
30:16She was a consultant
30:17On the movie Dunkirk
30:19Yeah
30:20Lauren Sanchez
30:21Is a helicopter pilot
30:22Who served as a consultant
30:23On Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk
30:26Lauren Sanchez
30:28Also parlayed her experience
30:29As co-host of Good Day L.A.
30:31Into TV reporter roles
30:33On screen
30:33In films like
30:34The Day After Tomorrow
30:35Fantastic Four
30:36White House Down
30:37Ted 2
30:38And We Bought a Zoo
30:40And as a matter of fact
30:40Here's a clip of her
30:41Doing the same
30:42In the movie Fight Club
30:43That was Police Commissioner Jacobs
30:45Who just arrived
30:46On the scene here
30:47Of a four alarm fire
30:48That broke out
30:48About an hour ago
30:49Live from the
30:50Parker Morris building
30:51Lauren Sanchez
30:52Back to you in the studio
30:53How the fuck
30:54Does Lauren Sanchez
30:55Have a better acting career
30:56Than me
30:59Let's play a mini game
31:00I'll give you
31:01The famous person
31:02You tell me
31:03What they are afraid of
31:05Panel
31:06What is Barack Obama
31:08Afraid of
31:09Nothing
31:10Nothing
31:15Oh sorry
31:16Michelle
31:23Barack Obama
31:24Is afraid of snowmen
31:27Specifically
31:28He said
31:28The snowman decorations
31:30At the White House
31:30Freaked him out
31:31Because they had
31:32Quote
31:32A whole kind of
31:33Chucky element
31:34To them
31:36Man up man
31:37It's not like
31:38The snowmen
31:39At the White House
31:39Look all scary
31:40Let's take a look
31:41At them things
31:42Oh my god
31:44This has been
31:45Life Curious
31:46We're after the break
31:56Welcome back
31:58It is time
32:00For Missing Words
32:02Here's your headline
32:03New York jumps
32:04To number three
32:05For blank
32:06New York jumps
32:07To number three
32:09For cities
32:10Where rats
32:11Have nicer apartments
32:12Than you
32:14I read the New York
32:15Post every day
32:15It's alien abductions
32:16Yes
32:17Yes indeed
32:17New York jumps
32:19To number three
32:20For US
32:21Alien abductions
32:24In a new study
32:25Conducted by
32:26Canadian gambling
32:27Website
32:28Which is
32:29One of our
32:29Major sources
32:30Yeah
32:32What's happened
32:33To this country
32:34Matt
32:34They got rid
32:35Of CBS radio
32:36And now you're
32:36Having to get your
32:37News from
32:37Canadian gambling
32:38Websites
32:39We're doing
32:40The best we can
32:43The state of New York
32:45Is now
32:45The third most likely
32:47Place to get abducted
32:48In the United States
32:49Reporting
32:50Over 8300 UFO sightings
32:53Since 1974
32:54Or
32:55Essentially one
32:56For every
32:571003 residents
32:59Wow
32:59So
33:00Which state won
33:01The crown
33:02As the country's
33:03Number one UFO hotspot
33:05Florida
33:06Ohio
33:06It's a swing state
33:07It's got to be a swing state
33:10It's got to be a swing state
33:10The number one state
33:11For UFO sightings
33:13Is
33:13Delaware
33:14What?
33:16Yes
33:16With one sighting
33:17For every
33:19928 residents
33:20Oh
33:21But Delaware residents
33:22Aren't the only ones
33:23Prone to close encounters
33:24A recent appointed
33:25Trump official
33:25Once described
33:26Experiencing something
33:27Straight out of
33:28The X-Files
33:29Question
33:29Does anyone know
33:31Who this Trump official is?
33:32Christine Ohm
33:33She looked in the mirror
33:34And was like
33:35Hey
33:35What planet are you from?
33:38But it was her
33:39It was herself
33:41The Trump official
33:42Is the head of FEMA's
33:44Office of Response
33:45and Recovery
33:46Yeah
33:46Greg Phillips
33:47Is a far right
33:48Conspiracy theorist
33:48Who once claimed
33:49On a podcast
33:50That he teleported
33:51To a waffle house
33:53Which is what happens
33:54To all of us
33:55When you drink dark liquor
33:58Here's Phillips
33:59Telling the story
34:00To the Onward podcast
34:01Last year
34:02I was with my boys
34:03One time
34:04And I was telling
34:05I was going to go
34:06To a waffle house
34:08And I ended up
34:09At a waffle house
34:09Like 50 miles away
34:11From where I was
34:12In Rome, Georgia
34:13I said
34:14That's not possible
34:15You just left here
34:16Like I wanted to go
34:17He's drunk
34:18Then
34:19Yes
34:21They wanted me
34:22To go to a waffle house
34:23I went to a waffle house
34:24And then when I woke up
34:26I was at
34:27Waffle house
34:28But that
34:29Here's your headline
34:30Florida man caught on camera
34:32Allegedly trying to steal
34:34Blank
34:35First base
34:37His own piss
34:38It wasn't his piss
34:40He was trying to steal
34:41Someone's piss
34:42Florida man caught
34:44On camera
34:45Allegedly trying to steal
34:46Septic tank
34:50It was loads of people's piss
34:54Here's the story
34:55The man tried to take
34:56The septic tank
34:57By towing it
34:58With his 2013
34:58Toyota Corolla
35:01However
35:01He nearly got caught
35:03And drove away
35:03He returned the next day
35:05With a U-Haul
35:06And got it out
35:07There's no police code
35:09For that
35:09There is in Florida
35:12Does anyone know
35:13Why another Florida man
35:15Who goes by the name
35:16Palm Beach Pete
35:17Has been turning heads
35:19This month
35:19Oh no
35:20He's been turning heads
35:21I'm going to show you
35:22A picture of Palm Beach Pete
35:24You look at this picture
35:25And you tell me
35:25What he looks like
35:30Oh my god
35:32That's the unluckiest
35:34Motherfucker
35:35On planet earth
35:36Yes
35:37Palm Beach Pete
35:38Is making news
35:39Because he keeps
35:40Getting mistaken
35:41For Jeffrey Epstein
35:43We all know
35:44Jeffrey Epstein
35:44The popular
35:45New York
35:45Financier
35:49He's not known
35:49For anything else
35:50We know him
35:51As the guy
35:51Who tricked our prince
35:52Yes
35:54Here's the original video
35:56Of someone spotting Pete
35:58On the highway
36:01Epstein is alive
36:03So after that TikTok
36:05Goes super viral
36:06How do you think
36:07Palm Beach Pete responded
36:09He shaved his head
36:11Or put on a wig
36:13Or he's a fucking idiot
36:15Or maybe
36:18He's leaning into it
36:20And he's hiring himself out
36:22For birthday parties
36:23And stuff
36:24Oh god
36:25He's embracing the decline
36:29Whose birthday party
36:30Fuck it
36:31I'm a
36:31Trump
36:32Trumps
36:37Palm Beach Pete
36:39Had a response
36:40To all the buzz
36:41Here it is
36:42I'm not Jeffrey Epstein
36:43I'm Palm Beach Pete
36:44That a boy
36:46Yeah
36:46Okay
36:47Peace out
36:48Oh my god
36:50I will just say this
36:51Palm Beach Pete
36:52The more he makes videos
36:53The less he's making
36:54The case for himself
36:56That was missing words
36:57More after the break
37:06Welcome back
37:07It's time for
37:08Which is higher
37:08I'll give you two
37:09Unrelated numbers
37:10From the news
37:11You tell me
37:11Which is higher
37:12Warmer weather
37:14Marks the
37:15Inaugural
37:16It's iconic tour
37:18Featuring TLC
37:19Salt-N-Pepa
37:21And En Vogue
37:22Oh wow
37:23It's a solid tour
37:25Which brings us
37:26To the question
37:27Which is higher
37:28The number of cities
37:29That the
37:29It's iconic tour
37:30Will be doing shows in
37:32Or
37:32The number of cities
37:33That the
37:34Oscar Mayer
37:35Wienermobile
37:36Will be touring
37:37This spring
37:38The Wienermobile
37:40Is everywhere
37:41I agree with you
37:42It's everywhere
37:42But I feel like
37:43All those girl groups
37:46Something's gonna happen
37:46They're gonna end that tour
37:47After three cities
37:48I want them
37:49To have 20 dates
37:51And I think
37:52I can hit all 20
37:53Because I'm fucking there
37:55The number of cities
37:56That the
37:56It's iconic tour
37:57Will be doing shows in
37:58Is 34 cities
38:01And the number of cities
38:02Where you can find
38:03The Oscar Mayer
38:04Wienermobile
38:05This spring
38:06Is 23
38:08So the number of cities
38:10On the
38:10It's iconic tour
38:12Is higher
38:14Did you know
38:15Michael
38:15Fun fact
38:16If you put TLC
38:17Inside of a Wienermobile
38:18You get a chili dog
38:23That's beautiful
38:24I've been very confused
38:26By this whole segment
38:27And it's because
38:28In England
38:29We call the Wienermobile
38:31The banger wagon
38:38Sorry guys
38:39That was
38:40I'm afraid to say
38:41Like gun control
38:42In your healthcare system
38:43That was lost in translation
38:45Believe it or not
38:46There's actually
38:47More than one
38:48Of the iconic
38:49Oscar Mayer
38:50Wienermobiles
38:50There's six
38:51Different vehicles
38:52That go out
38:53Across the country
38:53Depending on what
38:54Region of the country
38:55You're in
38:56But they all
38:57Meet up once a year
38:59At a very special event
39:01Does anyone know
39:03What brings all six
39:05Of them sausages together
39:07Wienerfest
39:08Every year
39:09The six Oscar Mayer
39:11Wienermobiles
39:11Get together
39:12At something called
39:13The Weenie 500
39:15An indie style 500
39:18Wait a race
39:18Yeah it's a race
39:20Between all six
39:22Of the big hot dog cars
39:23Last year's Weenie 500
39:25Drew more than
39:268 million viewers
39:27And 80,000
39:29In person fans
39:31Where is it this year?
39:3280,000 in person fans
39:34And it's easy to see why
39:36Wienerfest
39:37Stop the engines
39:40To making the move
39:41Slow it up
39:42Making the move
39:43Up the inside
39:44And the runs
39:45In the air
39:46And over the line
39:48It looks like
39:49It's going to be
39:49The slow it up
39:51By a no
39:53That was with you
39:54We'll be right back
39:58Time for my favorite game
40:00Called
40:01Who's that baby?
40:02I'll show you
40:03A famous person's picture
40:04And you tell me
40:05Boy who that baby
40:06That baby look just like Jimmy
40:09Aww
40:11One they were born in Chicago
40:12But grew up in Jersey
40:14They once won
40:15$100,000
40:16In a poker tournament
40:17And
40:18They're one of two team captains
40:20Appearing each week
40:20On Have I Got News
40:21For You
40:22Michael
40:24That baby is
40:25Michael in your mind
40:27Wow
40:27Michael
40:28You are the most
40:29Gorgeous baby
40:31On earth
40:31And yet
40:32I'm an even more
40:33Gorgeous man
40:35Michael of course
40:37Has an illustrious career
40:38In film and television
40:39But his very first
40:40Acting credit
40:41Listed on his IMDB page
40:43Is an instructional film
40:45Titled
40:45Cults
40:46Say No
40:47Under Pressure
40:48And some good producers
40:50Saw fit
40:50To make a safety video
40:52Yes
40:52There is footage
40:54Yes
40:56We really need great people
40:57Like you in our group
40:58John
40:59We discuss politics too
41:00Like how to improve the world
41:02Yeah
41:03It sure is a mess
41:04But I don't have much time
41:05To worry about that
41:06My parents are nagging me
41:08To get good grades
41:09They want me to get a good job
41:11Be a big success
41:12You know
41:12I'd really like to get to know you
41:14Better John
41:16A party would be fun
41:18I could use a break
41:24That was Tuesday baby
41:25I want to thank our guests
41:26Kara Swisher and Nish Kumar
41:28And of course
41:29Thank you to our team captains
41:31Amber Ruffin
41:32And Michael Ian Black
41:33Before we sign off
41:35Here are a few more stories
41:37We're watching
41:38White House debuts
41:40Newest Melania model
41:43Department of War
41:45Debuts new oxymoron
41:48I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:50And I'll see you in the fall
41:51For more episodes
41:52I've heard I got news for you
41:53And Vic Carson
41:55If you're out there
41:56Send us a signal
41:57Are you okay
41:59Vic Carson
41:59Good night
42:01Thank you guys nasıl
42:02Do not take a look at
42:03I can't wait
42:03I can't wait
42:04When I walk
42:04If it's up I can't be
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