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00:00:09congratulations may all your troubles be little ones and remember the first 10 years of the worst
00:00:14with love from granny in accordance with warning notice already sent you you are required to
00:00:21report to heathercress national service depot charlie it's your call-up what do you mean my call-up but
00:00:31it's our wedding day how can it be my call-up dad you sent off an application for a 28
00:00:35-day extension
00:00:35for the wedding didn't you me no you did i asked you to do it no you didn't you said
00:00:40you would
00:00:41why doesn't somebody do something
00:01:03please place a draft but it's stifling in here please my eardrums are very thin very weak
00:01:10and the least suspicion of a draft and i'm finished cool thanks mate
00:01:20ah don't now what please do you mind not smoking it affects me i've got a week's time
00:01:26look here have a qatar pestle i haven't got qatar you don't know you're living mate
00:01:34you going to hospital into the army the army
00:01:40so am i how'd you pass the medical influence medical a farce a criminal farce
00:01:48a one me a flaming one army doctors i'll tell you mate two of everything you should have two of
00:01:59and you're in
00:02:10we don't deserve your congratulations it was luck pure luck
00:02:15what a lot of rubbish luck doesn't enter into it sure it does glimmy take you now six years of
00:02:23training sergeant i've never had a champion platoon it's bad luck oh no it isn't
00:02:29listen paddy every man has the instinct of soldiering in him right right enough well you've
00:02:34all done it you've all had a champion platoon at one time or another so shall i with my next
00:02:39platoon
00:02:39why what's the hurry that's my last platoon i'll be leaving the army in ten weeks and
00:02:44last chance don't set your heart on it now listen sound muscle well i want your advice right to bet
00:02:49on it well i don't bet as a rule i'm not scared or a bit of it all right 50
00:02:54quid says no champion
00:03:18platoon
00:03:20sir can i give you a lift to the mess sir well that's extremely civil of you sergeant thank you
00:03:25sir
00:03:29let me take the back sir i thank you sergeant bye darling
00:03:39oh very nice place you have here sergeant finest depot in the command sir that's encouraging
00:03:58oh sergeant where do i report that's the officer's mess over there sir very nice too but i happen
00:04:03to be a national serviceman
00:04:06get in the back of that truck will you first thank you sergeant
00:04:18charlie charlie did you see did you hear what where she called to me from a laundry van
00:04:29look keep calm charlie boy look just a little while longer right you'll see the mo stop poing me i'm
00:04:35not
00:05:01go around the back go on round the side go on
00:05:13you're the new girl aren't you you the manageress no i'm norah my name's mary
00:05:20i don't care what your name is as long as you can cut chips your overall's in that cupboard
00:05:25thanks thanks
00:05:27thanks
00:05:28thanks
00:05:29thanks
00:05:29thanks
00:05:29thanks
00:05:36here where's your labour exchange card
00:05:39it's coming in the post
00:05:45it's coming in the post
00:05:57i'll take that
00:05:58don't you know how it works now
00:05:59yes
00:06:06oh i'm not really the new girl
00:06:08but please don't give me away
00:06:10please help me
00:06:11oh there there love come on tell noah all about it
00:06:14now look you've blocked your phone number of phone
00:06:16face up to it you are an obsessional with visual complications once and for all i got married this
00:06:21morning there was a muddle over my deferment now mary must have followed me to the cabin
00:06:26she's a very very determined girl well personally chaps i believe him nice do you mind belching up
00:06:34you don't know nothing about psychiatry possibly not but i do know a little bit about women
00:06:38you know there's certain chaps old boy we're always being chased by women i know exactly how
00:06:43you feel thank you judging by their names they should be a fine lot there's a lot the man's
00:06:49name corporal gives him character strong sage bailey heywood galloway go lightly go lightly go lightly
00:07:01what's in the name corporal coppin you know how much depends on the success of this platoon don't you
00:07:0750 quid so that's only money it is my reputation and perhaps uh your recommendation for promotion
00:07:14when i leave and possibly a slight percentage for you if i win when you win sergeant that's the spirit
00:07:21copy now let's have a look at our champion platoon shall we all right that is lads i'm sound grimshaw
00:07:43and
00:07:43this is corporal coppin right now i'm a quiet reasonable humane man i know my mother told me
00:07:58oh yes i had a mother and a father even though i'm a sergeant and there's only one thing that
00:08:02rubs
00:08:02me up the wrong way and that's a man that doesn't pull his weight in my platoon in that respect
00:08:07i'm a
00:08:08veritable jekyll and hyde but somehow looking around me i don't think that nasty side of my
00:08:16character is going to rise itself this time i judge a body of men on sight and i don't mind
00:08:21telling you
00:08:21lads i feel distinctly encouraged at the prospects don't disappoint me right any questions can i report
00:08:31sick please what's your name strong how is strong global carbon target
00:08:51private uh strong on sick report tomorrow anyone else please sir
00:09:02uh don't call me sir sound to you you feeling sick too oh no sergeant um i want some leave
00:09:09leave
00:09:09why you've only just arrived son oh but it's vital sergeant compassionate you see what happened all
00:09:14right all right you don't have to tell the world cop in sergeant this man to see the company commander
00:09:19oh thank you sergeant not now when you're sent for get back in line but sergeant quiet i never did
00:09:38have you ever seen a guitar before sergeant where you've been living right here you numbskull where
00:09:43you're gonna live for the next 10 weeks with that banjo out of sight banjo yes out of sight understand
00:09:49i dig your dig all right i'll see to that
00:09:54we've met yes sergeant and no more skylarking right who you're for it got it yes sergeant
00:10:05oh
00:10:05bro empty bed where's that man uh i i don't know sergeant what's his name his name's go like i
00:10:11might
00:10:12have known it find him sergeant hello did someone call you like it where have you been must i say
00:10:27come here
00:10:35where have you been well i got locked in somewhere you see i oh dear have you hurt yourself i've
00:10:43got
00:10:43some lotion here quiet i don't have you oh do stop shouting please
00:10:53you there you better mark addressed to me
00:11:03stand with attention when i'm talking why why don't ask why do as you told you're in the army
00:11:07son oh not quite i'm still a civilian with civilian rights now don't shout please
00:11:15what is your name please bailey james bailey how'd you do fine absolutely bloody fine but i'll feel
00:11:24even better once you're in uniform thank you sergeant all right carry on corporal
00:11:33as you were
00:11:40the sergeant doesn't seem to like us i wonder why
00:11:45i don't know once it happened to me isn't there any justice oh you don't want to worry sergeant
00:11:50it'll be all right it'll be what you were there you saw them out of 24 men i'm lumbered with
00:11:56one
00:11:56hypochondriac one natural born candidate with a glass house a rock and roller a shadow of a man
00:12:01haunted by lord knows what and a popsy chasing layabout and some lethal idiot who gets himself
00:12:05locked in well you know where yes but i mean look any one of those clots could sabotage a squad
00:12:11well i've got them all about we're 24 percent non-effective before we start how in the name
00:12:16of water shot can it work out but i mean it's got to your reputation depends on my reputation my
00:12:21foot
00:12:22what about my 50 quid riding on that lot eh yeah that's true oh well there's only one thing for
00:12:29it
00:12:29we'll have to chase the living daylight oh no no no that's no good that'd be fatal
00:12:33half the mob in the guard room's no good to me yes but sergeant will you have us no copping
00:12:39we've
00:12:39got to be subtle subtle they must be kind consider it kind yes these are delicate blooms copping
00:12:51are they yes hello you must be the new lot greetings cat cat no my name's not cat are you
00:13:03in our platoon
00:13:04no not cat brown herbert brown what you say are you in our platoon no i just live here yeah
00:13:13i think i can
00:13:13understand it you uh received a severe blow on the heat as a child didn't you no that was me
00:13:19brother
00:13:19horace old man can't you forget psychiatry for one minute i was only trying to help him i don't need
00:13:26any help thanks well to our fellas see you at the naffy perhaps hello corp don't get lost yeah corp
00:13:33who
00:13:34was that soldier oh that was no soldier that was herbert i give up no worry so did the army
00:13:43here we are chaps help yourselves thank you wonder where charlie's got to with his wife of course
00:13:51love will find a way okay mate you don't really think that that woman's on this camp do you
00:13:57i tell you it's just an hallucinations we know all right all right you can laugh we should never have
00:14:03let him go he's probably cutting his throat now bleeding to death in the ablutions i hope not
00:14:10i have to sluice them out every morning i'll clean up everywhere in the camp that's me job are you
00:14:16a regular no national service here what about your training don't do it anymore haven't done it for
00:14:24months i don't want to try again again how many courses have you been through three i think but now
00:14:32it look there's me excuse webbing chit me excuse match in chit excused handling of firearms chit
00:14:43chit for blimey you're just a heap of chits
00:14:55well go on say it i'm crackers no luck does it look as if i've had any luck this place
00:15:02is vast
00:15:03trapped over every inch of it not so much as a lock of a hair well go on say it
00:15:08no crackers
00:15:11it was all my imagination oh well now this is a great step forward charlie boy you see now that
00:15:18you realize there's something wrong with you whoa there's a chance of a cure yes now you are a uh
00:15:25ux or a maniac obsessed with the idea of marriage wouldn't you be if you were married this morning
00:15:31oh shut up please who's this that's herbert hello herbert hi let's get drunk dangerous dangerous
00:15:40cool drinking on top of an obsession why don't you shut up
00:15:50it's her it's mary
00:16:00don't worry miss i'll take care of him very sad case he's very very unbalanced don't you talk that
00:16:06way about my husband husband good night horace
00:16:21anything i can do for you soldier
00:16:29but darling how on earth did you get here
00:16:32never mind how i got here i'm here and tonight's our wedding night
00:16:38you don't mean darling you don't think i came here just to become a naffy girl
00:16:43oh well no but but how where i mean there's over a dozen blokes in my hut
00:16:50nora she's arranged everything who's nora
00:16:57what's the matter i'm in love congratulations must be the aura created by your happiness
00:17:05after three years wearing out my eyeballs looking at each lot of new recruits that comes in
00:17:11at last i found him we're very happy for you it was that chap that was with you
00:17:17horace
00:17:17huh oh oh time stands still when i say that name not for charlie and me it doesn't hey
00:17:27oh oh yes of course now listen it's all arranged there's a spare room but you've got to be ever
00:17:33so
00:18:02careful
00:18:04Oh, darling, don't tease.
00:18:07Wouldn't you rather have the light on, Charlie, darling?
00:18:42Ah, Nashville.
00:18:47Mary, darling.
00:19:13All right, now, then, what's wrong with you?
00:19:15Yeah, it's my floating kneecap.
00:19:17Oh, well, take off your trousers.
00:19:18Ah, efficient.
00:19:19We do our best.
00:19:21Go in when you hear the bell.
00:19:22Right-o.
00:19:23What's wrong with you?
00:19:24Fell on me elbow.
00:19:25I don't think it's broken.
00:19:26Well, take off your tunic, then, roll up your sleeves.
00:19:31Clean that up.
00:19:39What's the matter?
00:19:40Why didn't you warn me?
00:19:42Corporal!
00:19:43What's the matter with this man?
00:19:45I'm sorry, Captain Clark.
00:19:47Oh, that's a shock.
00:19:48Me heart, me heart, me heart.
00:19:49Hurry up, man.
00:19:50Hurry up.
00:19:52I want to change my doctor.
00:19:55This isn't the National Health Service.
00:19:57Either you see Captain Clark or you don't report sick at all.
00:19:59It's up to you.
00:20:15Hey.
00:20:16Hey.
00:20:17We are off.
00:20:22We are off.
00:20:26Oh!
00:20:28Oh!
00:20:28Oh!
00:20:28Oh!
00:20:31So sorry. I was miles away. You know how it is sometimes.
00:20:35Come back here, you stupid sleepwalking settlement!
00:20:40Delicate blues.
00:20:44Private, go lightly.
00:20:45Now, you really must try and concentrate from now on, right?
00:20:49Oh, yes. I'll try.
00:20:53All right, come in here and get your kit.
00:20:56Yes! Yes!
00:20:59Uh-uh. Concentrate.
00:21:06Give this to the corporal on the way out.
00:21:08Oh, thank you, ma'am.
00:21:10You've come to the right place.
00:21:11Just in time.
00:21:12For physiotherapy.
00:21:14For physical jerks!
00:21:16Get on with your training, soldier.
00:21:18There's nothing wrong with your knee.
00:21:19But, ma'am, I can feel it floating.
00:21:22Let me know when you feel it sinking.
00:21:25Last address one, bury one.
00:21:26Last one, get us two.
00:21:29Last one, get us three.
00:21:30Lending field, what?
00:21:32Yeah, we're hungry.
00:21:33Draw, set it up. There's three.
00:21:34Knives, class one.
00:21:36Got everything?
00:21:39Right there.
00:21:40Draw, set it up. There's three.
00:21:42I say, really? Does one have to?
00:21:44Yes, one does.
00:21:46Next.
00:21:47Knives, class one.
00:21:48Oh, thank you.
00:21:50I say, look.
00:21:51A knife for getting things out of a horse's foot.
00:21:54I've always wanted one of these.
00:21:56Still dressing one.
00:21:58Size bed.
00:21:58I'm the French idea.
00:22:00I never wear a hat.
00:22:03Beg.
00:22:04Charming.
00:22:05Next.
00:22:07One housewife.
00:22:09Housewife.
00:22:10Oh, Mary.
00:22:12That's the lot, boys.
00:22:13Tea break.
00:22:17What do you want?
00:22:19I want me kit, Sergeant.
00:22:20Why are you late?
00:22:21Well, I had to report sick.
00:22:23You fit now?
00:22:25The doctor says I am.
00:22:26She better be right.
00:22:28Why?
00:22:29Take a deep breath.
00:22:31You're about to become the fastest kitted out soldier in the British Army.
00:22:35Hey, boys.
00:22:35One recruit coming up.
00:22:37Full kit on the double.
00:22:38Before you go to the team.
00:22:44Okay, boys.
00:22:46Right.
00:22:47Let's go.
00:23:04Mike.
00:23:05Hmm?
00:23:05Do me a favor, please.
00:23:06What's that?
00:23:07Point me in the direction of my barrack room.
00:23:12The car.
00:23:13Right.
00:23:24Live right.
00:23:25Live right.
00:23:26Live right.
00:23:27Right.
00:23:27Vino.
00:23:29What's the matter with you?
00:23:31Get each other, family.
00:23:34Let's go.
00:23:40Stand still.
00:23:41What's the matter with that man?
00:23:44Moving about.
00:23:44What do you think it is?
00:23:45A dance floor?
00:23:47Platoon.
00:23:48Left.
00:23:49Cat.
00:23:54All presently correct, Sergeant.
00:24:06You're about to meet your company commander, Captain Pots.
00:24:12Some men live for drink, but some for women.
00:24:17And quite frankly, I don't know why some men bother to live at all.
00:24:22There's no doubt, however, why Captain Pots lives.
00:24:26It's for efficiency.
00:24:28He's known throughout the command as Pots the perfect.
00:24:31The perfect Pots.
00:24:33All right, that's it up, that's it up.
00:24:36Now, you lads are in uniform for the first time.
00:24:39And I think you'll all agree with me that you don't yet look like soldiers.
00:24:44It would be stupid of me to expect that.
00:24:46It would that.
00:24:47He's very fair.
00:24:48That man there.
00:24:51Radical Lightly, someone should have told you.
00:24:54You're not to talk when you're on parade.
00:24:55It's not for custom.
00:24:57So don't do it.
00:24:58Understand?
00:24:59Oh, yes, I understand.
00:25:00Right.
00:25:03Now, where was I?
00:25:04What was I saying?
00:25:05How stupid you are.
00:25:06Stop talking on parade, will you?
00:25:07Or I'll carve the Queen's regulations all over your scalp.
00:25:11Didn't you hear what I just told you, probably good lightly?
00:25:14Right.
00:25:17Now, it would be nice, when Captain Pots arrives,
00:25:20if you could stand at ease and attention properly.
00:25:23Show him what you can do.
00:25:24Be efficient.
00:25:25So we'll try it once or twice, shall we?
00:25:28Corporal!
00:25:30Demonstrate.
00:25:33Now, pay attention to all of you.
00:25:36Stand at ease!
00:25:39Attention!
00:25:41Oh, good.
00:25:42Very good.
00:25:46All right, Corporal.
00:25:49Now, let's see what you can do.
00:25:52Redone!
00:25:52Place yourselves, place yourselves.
00:25:55Redone!
00:25:56Redone!
00:25:56Redone!
00:25:57Time!
00:25:59I'll be good lightly.
00:26:00Don't go quite so lightly next time.
00:26:03Very good.
00:26:04Joke's over, joke's over.
00:26:07Redone!
00:26:09Stand at ease!
00:26:19Get up, you clumsy, quarter-wicked, half-baked moon-calf!
00:26:23One more hammer-toe move like that and I'll...
00:26:25Ah, fifty quid, delicate blooms.
00:26:31All right now, here comes Captain Potts.
00:26:33Do your best, lads.
00:26:35Probably at ease.
00:26:38Let him...
00:26:39Let him...
00:26:40Let him...
00:26:41I'm...
00:26:55Well, all of you are half asleep.
00:26:57Like a lot of flamingos.
00:26:59Not half as clever.
00:27:00Ah, flamingos go to sleep on one leg.
00:27:03You lot are all asleep on two.
00:27:05How many legs does a flamingo go to sleep on?
00:27:07And...
00:27:08Slow, slow.
00:27:09Quick, quick, slow.
00:27:10Silence.
00:27:11Alert mind plus responsive body equals efficient soldier.
00:27:19Who are you?
00:27:20Galloway, sir.
00:27:22That's a useless answer.
00:27:22Two factors omitted, number and rank.
00:27:24Soldier without a number and rank, like a man without a soul.
00:27:26Try again.
00:27:27Who are you?
00:27:284277309, private Galloway, sir.
00:27:30What, no Christian name, he a heathen?
00:27:31Andy.
00:27:32A.
00:27:33Slow.
00:27:33Watch this, man, Sergeant.
00:27:34Slow with it.
00:27:35Stand at height.
00:27:36John.
00:27:37That ease.
00:27:38John.
00:27:38That ease.
00:27:39John.
00:27:39That ease.
00:27:40John.
00:27:40Still in dreamland.
00:27:42You a dream?
00:27:43Yes, sir.
00:27:43What about?
00:27:44Blood.
00:27:45Whose?
00:27:45Mine.
00:27:46Timorous spirit of aggression is rising here, Sergeant.
00:27:48You should dream of the enemy's blood.
00:27:50Now then, close your eyes.
00:27:51What's the first thing that comes into your head?
00:27:52Blood.
00:27:52Whose?
00:27:53Yours.
00:27:53Fine.
00:27:53What?
00:27:54Mine, sir.
00:27:55The enemy's.
00:27:56Indecisive.
00:27:56Try sleeping on your stomach.
00:27:58Proper rest plus graded exercise equals integrated instincts.
00:28:03Who are you?
00:28:054277312, private Sage C, sir.
00:28:06Now say it backwards.
00:28:08Come on, come on, come on.
00:28:1131273...
00:28:11If you can't think backwards, how do you expect to think the proper way?
00:28:14Watch this, man, Sergeant.
00:28:15Regimental processes.
00:28:16Achieve flexibility.
00:28:18Flexibility plus discipline equals communal initiative.
00:28:20It does, sir?
00:28:21I mean, it does, sir.
00:28:23It does?
00:28:23Yes.
00:28:24Bureau.
00:28:25Yes?
00:28:26What?
00:28:26Who are you?
00:28:27James Bailey, B.S.C. Economics.
00:28:29Your number?
00:28:29I'm not proud of it.
00:28:30It was given to me.
00:28:31I earned my degree.
00:28:32Your rank?
00:28:33Well, that's a matter of opinion.
00:28:35Look at this man.
00:28:36You've nothing to complain of.
00:28:37Look at the suit they've given me.
00:28:38Look at this, plumped on my head, without even the pretense of fitting.
00:28:43As a good soldier, I accepted it without complaint.
00:28:45As a good officer, what do you think?
00:28:48Well, pride in appearance plus confidence in one superior equals good start.
00:28:53Fall out.
00:28:54Get yourself a new hand.
00:28:55Excuse me.
00:28:56Of course.
00:28:56What?
00:28:59Well, who are you?
00:29:004-2-7-7-2-9-8, Private Hayward M., sir.
00:29:03Hayward?
00:29:03Ever heard of General Hayward?
00:29:05My father, sir.
00:29:06Really?
00:29:06Rear Admiral Hayward?
00:29:08My grandfather, sir.
00:29:09Air Commodore Hayward?
00:29:10My uncle, sir.
00:29:11Ah, quick test.
00:29:12What supposed to think comes into your head?
00:29:14Women, sir.
00:29:15You're a soldier by tradition and instinct.
00:29:16Watch this man, sergeant.
00:29:17Right, name, right.
00:29:19Fight him!
00:29:21Hunt!
00:29:23Fight him!
00:29:26Right!
00:29:27Catch!
00:29:29Watch it, go in there.
00:29:31I stand by your beds for a hat and a tit inspection.
00:29:37Battle!
00:29:40Dismissed!
00:29:55Oh, here we are, chaps.
00:29:57There's how we lay out our kit.
00:29:59One diagram among 24 people.
00:30:01Not very helpful.
00:30:02Hello, Jim.
00:30:03Are you joining us?
00:30:04I thought you'd be in the cooler by now.
00:30:06All nice and individualistic.
00:30:08I've changed my mind.
00:30:10Sociologically, it's important for me to find out just how far one can retain one's individuality in the army.
00:30:16And biologically, it's important I get my lead.
00:30:20Oh, no, please, fellas.
00:30:21Let's make this inspection good.
00:30:22If anything goes wrong, my lead might go up the spout as well.
00:30:26Pour out, child.
00:30:40Watch yourself, you big clumsy ox.
00:30:42Oh, cut the bull, Charlie.
00:30:43Imagine you being worried about keeping a bed tidy.
00:30:45Get out of it.
00:30:49Hey, Horace, you better check yours.
00:30:51Properly.
00:30:52See, now for the hut.
00:30:54Tables deal two.
00:30:59Oh, you can have this.
00:31:00Oh, it's all.
00:31:21Would you like me to give you a hand?
00:31:23I seem to have more kit than anyone else.
00:31:25Oh, it's all right, sir.
00:31:30Pete.
00:31:31Why don't you go and help Charlie?
00:31:34Okay, Miles.
00:31:38Extinguishers fire, too.
00:31:40Extinguishers fire, too, Peter.
00:31:44There's no fire extinguishers.
00:31:46Perhaps this place is fireproof.
00:31:48Yeah, but it's not pot's proof.
00:31:50Extinguishers fire, too, it says.
00:31:51And extinguishers fire, too, he'll want to see.
00:31:53I'm not taking any chances.
00:31:55Come on, we're going to borrow a couple.
00:31:57Oh, bear up, dear.
00:31:58Perhaps he's had his interview for leave by now,
00:32:01and you'll be off together in no time.
00:32:03Better late than never.
00:32:05Oh, I shouldn't go on like this.
00:32:07At least I'm married.
00:32:08While you...
00:32:09Oh, I'm suffering the pangs of first love.
00:32:13Painful, but, oh, it's exquisite.
00:32:17Don't worry about me, dear.
00:32:19Or Charlie.
00:32:20Oh, there he is, look.
00:32:23Oh, Mary.
00:32:24Oh, I'm so relieved to see you.
00:32:25Is everything all right, darling?
00:32:27No.
00:32:28No fire extinguishers.
00:32:30Fire extinguishers?
00:32:31Ah, everything depends on them.
00:32:34Good morning, boy, Ringo.
00:32:36I...
00:32:36He's...
00:32:37Goodbye.
00:32:38Get out.
00:32:41Hayward.
00:32:41We must concentrate on Hayward.
00:32:43I wasn't wrong.
00:32:43He's got officer written all over him.
00:32:45Yes, if we can get him recommended for officer cadet,
00:32:47we're home and drive.
00:32:48Exactly.
00:32:48And it'll help towards champion platoon rating
00:32:50and may be in spite of...
00:32:51Are you in?
00:32:53Carry on, Sergeant.
00:32:54Very good, sir.
00:32:56Stand by, you bitch!
00:33:03Done?
00:33:04Yep.
00:33:08Oh, wait!
00:33:10What?
00:33:11Wait there, he's done for it!
00:33:15Oh, God!
00:33:17Get it out!
00:33:18Get it out!
00:33:19Get it out!
00:33:20Oh!
00:33:22Get it out, Sergeant!
00:33:24Oh!
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26That's right!
00:33:27That's right!
00:33:28Hold it, Holt!
00:33:30Drive with Sage here.
00:33:32Ah, Sage, sir.
00:33:34An application for leave on your first day, man?
00:33:37Why?
00:33:38Compassionate reason, sir.
00:33:39You see, my girl, you won't leave to get married, do you?
00:33:42Oh, no, sir, no, sir.
00:33:43It's just that I want to arrange things.
00:33:47Oh.
00:33:48Oh, dirty rotter.
00:33:49Oh, no, sir, please, sir.
00:33:51You don't understand.
00:33:52I understand perfectly.
00:33:54Respectable girl plus six mere dues multiplied by a cherubong outing equals three lives ruined.
00:34:00See the chaplain.
00:34:00Oh, but I've already seen the chaplain, sir.
00:34:02Is this true, Sergeant?
00:34:04No, sir.
00:34:04Not to mind on it, sir.
00:34:06Look, you'd better watch yourself, Sage.
00:34:07Lying won't help you, you know.
00:34:08I'm not lying, sir.
00:34:09Then why did you say you've seen the chaplain?
00:34:11Well, I have seen the chaplain, sir.
00:34:13Not this chaplain, sir.
00:34:14Oh!
00:34:15Oh, army chaplain, not good enough, huh?
00:34:17Oh, no, no, sir.
00:34:18Please, listen, sir.
00:34:19Well, come on, then.
00:34:20Sharp, sharp.
00:34:22I'm already married, sir.
00:34:23Oh, and stringing along with another girl.
00:34:26No, no, sir.
00:34:27I am married, sir, but I'm not married, sir, if you know what I mean.
00:34:32Don't know.
00:34:32Oh, how can you be married and not married, huh?
00:34:34Well, it's easy, sir, when you got called up on your wedding day.
00:34:41Oh, well, that's what I think I'm in the picture now, Sage.
00:34:46Maneuvers cancelled, huh?
00:34:48I should have applied for a deferment, sir, but it got all mixed up.
00:34:53Oh, please, sir, if I could just have a few hours, days leave, sir.
00:34:58Oh, please, sir.
00:35:00Well, I think in the circumstances, Sergeant,
00:35:02seven days leave.
00:35:04Any questions?
00:35:05Now, sir?
00:35:05No, no, no, no, no.
00:35:07Carry on, Sergeant.
00:35:07Very good, sir.
00:35:08Hurry, left hand.
00:35:09Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right.
00:35:19The End
00:35:22THE END
00:35:51Get them up, come on, come on, faster than that
00:35:53Up, up, up
00:35:55Alright, hop
00:35:57Alright, now listen
00:35:58When I say move, I want you through those beams and round behind me in a semi-circle
00:36:01Alright, move
00:36:11First four off the ropes, first four off the ropes
00:36:13Quick, quick, quick
00:36:14Alright, up you go, go on, up you go
00:36:16That's it, come on, get up there
00:36:17Look, Corporal, have I got to go all the way up there?
00:36:20What's the matter with you, sick?
00:36:21What, me?
00:36:22Come on, get up
00:36:23Alright
00:36:25What are you doing?
00:36:26Oh, it's trying, it's trying
00:36:28Oh, oh
00:36:33Corporal
00:36:35Corporal
00:36:38Corporal
00:36:38Oh, no
00:37:08No hope
00:37:23Hello
00:37:24Hello
00:37:26Hello
00:37:27Lovely day
00:37:29Ah, so what kind of day, I suppose
00:37:31If you haven't got jagged great spots in front of your eyes
00:37:34Never mind
00:37:34I'm sure it won't interfere with your reading your letters when the post comes
00:37:39Letters?
00:37:40Post?
00:37:41Me?
00:37:41Why not
00:37:42Don't tell me that you haven't got a girlfriend or, um, wife
00:37:47Me?
00:37:49You haven't?
00:37:51Oh, good
00:37:54Good
00:37:54Good
00:38:05From a honeymoon back to this
00:38:07It must be terrible
00:38:08Yeah
00:38:09We'll have a whip round by my water bottle
00:38:10I say he does look pale
00:38:12Well, wouldn't you?
00:38:13Thinking of nine more weeks without your little wifey?
00:38:16How was it, Charlie boy?
00:38:19Well, if you really want to know
00:38:24We spent a good deal of time in labour exchanges
00:38:27Fixing Mary up with a proper temporary job in the nappy here
00:38:30For the next nine weeks
00:38:33Anyone for bear net practice?
00:38:36Right now
00:38:37Think of all the things you've done
00:38:39Freedom
00:38:40The day of your release
00:38:41The cap final
00:38:43Me
00:38:44Anything you like
00:38:46Less evil monster
00:38:47Stands between you
00:38:48And it
00:38:49He'll kill you
00:38:51Rather than see you get it
00:38:52So you have to kill him
00:38:54You have no choice
00:38:57Formal
00:39:06All right now
00:39:07One at a time
00:39:08Remember your soldiers
00:39:10Fighting for everything you love
00:39:11Filled with noble savagery
00:39:14All right, let's have you
00:39:15I'm gone
00:39:28On your feet
00:39:30Catch
00:39:34Right next
00:39:49Get back in line will you
00:39:50Not that way
00:39:51Run the back of the dummy
00:39:56All right, next
00:39:56Catch
00:40:13Pick it up
00:40:15Pick it up
00:40:23Tart
00:40:30Next
00:40:31Next
00:40:31Next
00:40:31The last
00:40:32Dark
00:40:38Don't you think this is a trifle out of date
00:40:39In a world bristling with H-bombs, Sergeant?
00:40:41Ah
00:40:43Now then
00:40:44You beast
00:40:45You beast
00:40:45Peasant
00:40:45Commoner
00:40:46Have it all
00:40:47Violet
00:40:48Hand back that cap final ticket
00:40:51Private Bailey
00:40:52In answer to your question
00:40:53I'd back him against the H-bombs any day
00:40:55You beast
00:40:56Peasant
00:40:57Commoner
00:40:57Well don't just stand there
00:40:59Help me get him out
00:40:59You pirate
00:41:00Take that
00:41:01And that
00:41:02Let go
00:41:02This is my turn
00:41:03Let go
00:41:04You want to kill someone
00:41:12Now this is nice and slow
00:41:14So even you lot can manage
00:41:16All right, Corbo
00:41:21Demonstrate
00:41:22Now pay attention
00:41:24Slow
00:41:26March
00:41:32All right, Corbo
00:41:36Now this is used on funerals
00:41:38Work at it
00:41:39You'll very likely be doing it at mine
00:41:44Now let's try it, shall we
00:41:46Hello
00:41:48Return
00:41:49Turn
00:41:50Turn
00:41:53Left
00:41:53Turn
00:41:56Slow
00:41:59March
00:42:00Run
00:42:03Run
00:42:04Run
00:42:06Left
00:42:07Left
00:42:07Left
00:42:08You can't even mean it
00:42:09It was your fault
00:42:10Yes it was
00:42:10How did I do that
00:42:11Shut up
00:42:17Run
00:42:18Lame
00:42:19That's what you are
00:42:20All of you
00:42:21Now stand still
00:42:24Now as you were
00:42:25Now dress off
00:42:27At the table
00:42:31You misbegotten misfits
00:42:32What do you think this is?
00:42:36What do you think I'm made of?
00:42:38And?
00:42:40What do you think I'm done
00:42:41We other bundled
00:42:41In the guardroom
00:42:43For persistent
00:42:44Unrelenting
00:42:45Blundering
00:42:45Malicious
00:42:48I'll
00:42:49Paralyze
00:42:50Another
00:42:50Look at you
00:42:53Standing as if you were pregnant
00:42:55Wouldn't surprise me
00:42:56After the way I've been mucked about
00:42:57Jeff
00:42:58Sergeant
00:43:01All right
00:43:02All right, let's try it again, shall we?
00:43:08Well done! Well done, no turn, no one!
00:43:11All right, now, pay attention.
00:43:13This morning we're going on with lesson one on the light machine gun,
00:43:15commonly known as the brain.
00:43:17Now, during this period, I'm going to show you how to strip it
00:43:21and assemble it.
00:43:23Right, now, for normal stripping, we divide a gun into four major parts.
00:43:27Number one...
00:43:31What's the matter with you, soldier?
00:43:34I don't know, the oil.
00:43:36I've got an allergy to it.
00:43:38Well, I've heard of some dodges in my time.
00:43:40Oh, excuse me.
00:43:42What's your trouble?
00:43:43Well, just a suggestion.
00:43:45Why doesn't Private Strong change places with me?
00:43:48Are you taking the mickey?
00:43:50Well, let's see, shall we?
00:43:52Private Strong is affected by the odour of oil.
00:43:55I am not.
00:43:55I make a suggestion intended to help him and you.
00:43:59Is that taking the mickey?
00:44:02Sergeant?
00:44:05Is it ready to turn you up, son?
00:44:07Something you're on.
00:44:10Here.
00:44:11Well, what are you sitting down there for?
00:44:12Change spaces with the man in the back.
00:44:14Here.
00:44:24Now then.
00:44:26Number one.
00:44:28Remove the piston group and place it on the right-hand side of the gun.
00:44:32Right.
00:44:33Number two.
00:44:33The barrel group.
00:44:35Lift up the barrel locking up as hard as it'll go.
00:44:38Take up the cadden handle and ease the barrel forward until it is clear.
00:44:43And place it on the right-hand side of the piston group.
00:44:47Number three.
00:44:48The butt.
00:44:50Lift up the gun gently and pull the butt back away from the body and lay it on the right
00:44:56-hand side of the barrel group.
00:44:59Right.
00:44:59Number four.
00:45:00To remove the last two groups, grip the bipod in the left hand and turn the body of the gun
00:45:05towards you and they'll come apart.
00:45:07Place the body of the gun on the right-hand side of the butt group and the bipod on the
00:45:11right-hand side of the body.
00:45:14There you are.
00:45:14You now have your gun stripped down into these four major groups.
00:45:18Now are there any-
00:45:21Hey, you at the back!
00:45:23Hey, you!
00:45:26Sir.
00:45:27Sergeant.
00:45:28What are you gawping out of that window for?
00:45:30I was listening, Sergeant.
00:45:31Really, I was.
00:45:31And you know all about it, won't you?
00:45:34Up on your feet!
00:45:37Come here.
00:45:44Come here.
00:45:45Come here.
00:45:51So you know all about the brand gun, eh?
00:45:53Yes, Sergeant.
00:45:55There it is. Look at it.
00:45:56I've stripped it down for you, haven't I?
00:45:58Yes, Sergeant.
00:46:00Oh, put it together again!
00:46:30Sergeant.
00:46:35Get up, all of you!
00:46:39Well,
00:46:41looks as though you was listening, after all.
00:46:43I wasn't listening.
00:46:44Eh?
00:46:45I used to work in the factory, where they make these things.
00:46:52Good evening.
00:46:53Evening.
00:46:54Good evening, Mrs Sage.
00:46:55If you say that again, I'll give you a thick ear.
00:46:58No one's supposed to know.
00:47:01I'm sorry.
00:47:04I'd like a bar of chocolate, please. Miss.
00:47:08Hold on.
00:47:13I say, she didn't ask for the money.
00:47:18Oh, yes.
00:47:31Well, look, you see?
00:47:34I can't keep my hand closed.
00:47:38Every time I shut it, look, it flies open.
00:47:40Because you want it to open.
00:47:42No, I don't.
00:47:43Look, this is a terrible affliction.
00:47:45Oh.
00:47:46And hanged with a will of its own.
00:47:49It's psychosomatic.
00:47:51Or maybe it's because tenions is like elastic.
00:47:54Nonsense.
00:47:57Oh, look, this one's starting now.
00:48:00Open your hands.
00:48:02Listen to me, Strong.
00:48:04This is frightening.
00:48:06There's nothing wrong with your hands.
00:48:08I want to betray.
00:48:09Dismiss.
00:48:10You've got no feeling for the sick.
00:48:13I remind you I'm an officer.
00:48:15And I remind you that I'm a sick man.
00:48:25Dismiss.
00:48:29See you tomorrow.
00:48:31Fire.
00:48:33Number two gun.
00:48:34Fire.
00:48:37Fire.
00:48:37Number three gun.
00:48:38Fire.
00:48:45Detail unload.
00:48:47Two shorter target and one outer.
00:48:49That's bad.
00:48:49Wasteful.
00:48:50This quad plus ammunition equals increased army estimate.
00:48:55Number one gun clear, sir.
00:48:56Number two gun clear, sir.
00:48:58Number three gun clear, sir.
00:48:59Carry on, Sergeant.
00:49:00Detail change.
00:49:05Number one gun.
00:49:06Load.
00:49:08I said number one gun.
00:49:10Load.
00:49:10Get down.
00:49:11The ground's damp, Sergeant.
00:49:13I suffer from recurrent rheumatism.
00:49:14You'll suffer from life imprisonment if you don't get down.
00:49:16Now get down there and load.
00:49:23Number two gun.
00:49:24Load.
00:49:24Load.
00:49:28Raise your back sight, man.
00:49:33I said your back sight.
00:49:34Number three gun.
00:49:35Load.
00:49:42Excuse me.
00:49:46I'm so sorry.
00:49:47I'm all thumbs today.
00:49:51Oh, champion platoon.
00:49:53Carry on, Corporal.
00:49:56All right.
00:49:58Now just like that.
00:49:58One at a time.
00:50:00No todays.
00:50:01Let's have you.
00:50:05Thank you, Sergeant.
00:50:06Get back in line.
00:50:07Right, next.
00:50:13All right, next one.
00:50:35Jump, man.
00:50:36Jump.
00:50:41Jump.
00:50:41Jump, man.
00:50:41Jump.
00:50:42Jump, man.
00:50:43It's all right for you lot.
00:50:44You haven't had a go yet.
00:50:45All my bones are weak.
00:50:46Jump.
00:50:49Let go.
00:50:51Let go.
00:50:53Let go.
00:51:05Nora would have given anything to have been on that rope with Horace.
00:51:08Short of being trapped together like that, she'll never get with him.
00:51:11Even avoids going into the nappy now.
00:51:13Oh, Charlie.
00:51:14I do wish we could do something for Nora.
00:51:16She's so terribly unhappy.
00:51:18Darling, I'd like to help, but if he won't even talk to her.
00:51:22He could be.
00:51:23What did you say?
00:51:24He'd trapped?
00:51:26Did I say that?
00:51:27Well, what are you going to trap him with?
00:51:29A net?
00:51:29A rope.
00:51:31Oh, now, wait a minute, darling.
00:51:32Now, we mustn't interfere.
00:51:33Shh, darling.
00:51:34I'm thinking.
00:51:35We haven't finished the bread yet.
00:51:36Oh, never mind about that.
00:51:38But you've got an important message to deliver.
00:51:41From Sergeant Grimshaw.
00:51:45I was told to report here for fatigues.
00:51:49Oh.
00:51:51Oh, come on in, then.
00:51:58You can help with these if you like.
00:52:12Jim, what's that word?
00:52:15Obtuse.
00:52:16What's it mean?
00:52:18Unteachable.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:21That's me.
00:52:23Wish I was like you.
00:52:24You're clever.
00:52:26Knowledge in a nutshell, it says.
00:52:29But I can't get it into my nut.
00:52:32Jim.
00:52:34I've been meaning to ask you for weeks.
00:52:36What's the secret?
00:52:37What secret?
00:52:38How to learn.
00:52:40There's no secret.
00:52:41You just learn.
00:52:42I don't.
00:52:44I've been in three squads.
00:52:45I don't seem to learn nothing.
00:52:50Take your rifle, for instance.
00:52:53St. Russell says, with one of these things in me mitt,
00:52:55I'm a danger to everyone except the enemy.
00:52:57Then he's an idiot.
00:52:58No, I'm the idiot.
00:53:00St. Russell said it was.
00:53:02So did St. O'Brien.
00:53:04Do you mean to tell me that neither of them could show you
00:53:07a simple thing like the workings of a rifle?
00:53:10Oh, they showed me.
00:53:11So did Sergeant Grimshaw.
00:53:13But I was always at the back and...
00:53:15Don't have to talk fast.
00:53:17Now, look.
00:53:18There's nothing to it.
00:53:19For a start.
00:53:20This is the safety catch.
00:53:22Now, nothing can go wrong once it's this way.
00:53:27Oh.
00:53:27Oh.
00:53:29That way.
00:53:31What are you on fatigues for?
00:53:33Because I wouldn't let go of a rope.
00:53:37Don't talk much, do you?
00:53:39What's there to talk about?
00:53:41Oh.
00:53:43Life.
00:53:43Life.
00:53:44Life.
00:53:46Infection.
00:53:49Decay.
00:53:50And death.
00:53:51That's life.
00:53:53What's your name?
00:53:54What's it to you?
00:53:56I'm just an anonymous blob of khaki, that's all.
00:53:58I'm just a...
00:53:59No, you're not.
00:54:00I know your name anyway.
00:54:03How?
00:54:04Made it my business to find out.
00:54:06Why?
00:54:10Can't you guess.
00:54:13Well, that's it.
00:54:14Looks easy enough.
00:54:15It is.
00:54:16Actually, it's quite well designed.
00:54:18Let me have a go.
00:54:22I got you.
00:54:23That's it.
00:54:26I've been trying to tell you ever since I first saw you.
00:54:29Oh.
00:54:30You're on me too.
00:54:31Oh, I'm sorry.
00:54:32But you're in my heart here.
00:54:34Well, don't do that.
00:54:35You do yourself an injury.
00:54:36Oh, what does it matter if you don't respond to me?
00:54:38I might as well be dead.
00:54:40Oh, Horace, I'm a woman, violent and passionate, and I'm yours.
00:54:45Let's get away the fatigues.
00:54:46There aren't any.
00:54:47It was a trick.
00:54:48A trick?
00:54:49Oh, I was desperate to be alone with you.
00:54:52The message from the sergeant.
00:54:54It was from me.
00:54:55What?
00:54:56Charlie!
00:54:58Charlie Ruttonson.
00:54:59Oh, Horace, oh, I do love you.
00:55:02What?
00:55:02I'll murder him.
00:55:03I will.
00:55:04I'll breathe germs on him.
00:55:06Why are you so frightened of love, Horace?
00:55:08Let me get out.
00:55:11Oh, Neil.
00:55:11Got to take a pill.
00:55:12Oh, no.
00:55:12It's not a pill that you need, my darling.
00:55:15It's me.
00:55:16Oh, imagine the bliss of having someone to love you
00:55:18and someone to take care of you.
00:55:20Please.
00:55:21Someone won't hear you.
00:55:22Oh, let the whole world hear.
00:55:25But we must give ourselves time to get to know each other.
00:55:28Say about, um, half an hour.
00:55:36What's your name?
00:55:37Oh, oh, at last.
00:55:39It's Nora.
00:55:42Nora.
00:55:45Good night.
00:55:50Oh, Horace.
00:55:51Come back.
00:55:52Oh, there's nothing to it.
00:55:54With his background, Hayward will be an absolute cake.
00:55:58Hey, that man.
00:56:01Horace.
00:56:02Horace.
00:56:02Horace.
00:56:03Come back.
00:56:04Horace.
00:56:05Well, I'm glad he's useful at something.
00:56:07Depride.
00:56:07Depride.
00:56:08Party health.
00:56:11Private Hayward, sir.
00:56:13Heyward, I've asked Sergeant Grimshaw to keep an eye on you.
00:56:16He has, and so have I.
00:56:18And despite certain unfortunate incidents in which you were involved, you're here.
00:56:22Yes, sir.
00:56:23Why, sir?
00:56:24Oh, can't you guess?
00:56:26I'm the faintest idea, sir.
00:56:28Modest.
00:56:29Honest.
00:56:30I think we'll write about this man, son.
00:56:32Thank you, sir.
00:56:33Fill this in, Hayward.
00:56:35I don't have to, do I, sir?
00:56:37What?
00:56:37Well, I...
00:56:38It's not an order, Hayward, but surely...
00:56:42Oh, well, that's all right, then, sir.
00:56:44I don't want to be an officer, sir.
00:56:45Ah.
00:56:47Principal of heredity shattered.
00:56:48Explain.
00:56:49Well, sir, what were your father, grandfather, and uncle?
00:56:52Ah, perfect.
00:56:54Pots, pots and pots.
00:56:56Porcelain manufacturers.
00:56:57And you're in the army?
00:56:58Of course.
00:56:59The army's my whole life.
00:57:01Principal of heredity shattered, sir.
00:57:02Just like me.
00:57:03I mean, my people are senior officers, I know, sir.
00:57:05But, um...
00:57:06General plus Air Commodore plus Rear Admiral equals me, I'm afraid, sir.
00:57:09Just an ordinary national serviceman.
00:57:10I'm just not a leader of men.
00:57:13Sorry, sir.
00:57:15Dismissed.
00:57:16Carry on, Sergeant.
00:57:19Yes, sir.
00:57:20Forty.
00:57:20Yes, ten.
00:57:21We march.
00:57:22Yes, right, yes, right, yes, right, yes, right.
00:57:37Good morning.
00:57:38Morning.
00:57:39What trouble?
00:57:39Stomach.
00:57:40Too often?
00:57:41Not enough.
00:57:41Number nine.
00:57:42The complications.
00:57:43Given time.
00:57:44See you tomorrow.
00:57:45Dismissed.
00:57:45Mr.
00:57:46Come on.
00:58:05Good morning.
00:58:32Take your hands out of your pockets.
00:58:34I beg your pardon.
00:58:36Take your hands out of your pockets.
00:58:38Oh, I'm so sorry, Sergeant.
00:58:54Get your hair cut in the morning.
00:59:11I've seen better.
00:59:18Here, didn't he say pierce the tin?
00:59:20I heard what he said.
00:59:21On your feet.
00:59:26Well, there's one job you couldn't make a mess of, eh?
00:59:29Well, it's not too bad.
00:59:31Hope for you yet.
00:59:32A little perseverance plus common sense equals...
00:59:47Good morning, Strong.
00:59:48It's me scalp.
00:59:49I've got a kind of nervous itch.
00:59:51Oh, really?
00:59:57Well, aren't you even going to examine me?
00:59:59No.
01:00:00I'm taking you for a ride.
01:00:03Aye?
01:00:03Go on, ma'am.
01:00:06Get home.
01:00:08Get home.
01:00:09Get home.
01:00:09Get home.
01:00:09Get home.
01:00:09Archie.
01:00:10Hunt.
01:00:16Stand up at ease, please, Sergeant.
01:00:19Get home.
01:00:20Stand at us.
01:00:22Well, this is your last day of training.
01:00:25Tomorrow, you'll get proficiency tests and a passing out parade.
01:00:29And you'll finish the worst of all the platoons here.
01:00:35Someone's got to be bottomed.
01:00:36Get that cut in the morning.
01:00:37You.
01:00:39Someone's got to be bottomed, but this is absolute extremism.
01:00:43That's a disgrace.
01:00:46Platoon to shambles.
01:00:48Worst we've ever had here at Heathercrest.
01:00:51Glant to see the back of you.
01:00:55Clumsy fools plus innate idleness equals you.
01:01:00All of you.
01:01:02Carry on, Sergeant.
01:01:11Where have you arrived?
01:01:14Gentlemen, this is the case in question.
01:01:18Private Horace Strong.
01:01:20He has reported sick every day for ten weeks.
01:01:24His ailments are varied and elusive, so far as I, a mere GP, can diagnose.
01:01:29You gentlemen are specialists.
01:01:32I thank you for agreeing to help by means of a thorough examination.
01:01:37He's all yours.
01:01:43Oh, I, I do apologize, ma'am.
01:01:46I, I've misjudged you.
01:01:48You've got a real feeling for the sick.
01:01:50Oh, I, I can't tell you how much I appreciate, ma'am.
01:01:57All right, turn around.
01:02:00Now, breathe deeply.
01:02:02In.
01:02:03Out.
01:02:06Say 99.
01:02:0899.
01:02:10Something's wrong, eh?
01:02:11Congratulations.
01:02:12You have a perfect heart and lungs.
01:02:14What?
01:02:15No, Doctor.
01:02:16My heart hangs by a thread.
01:02:18By a rope, my boy.
01:02:20Rope?
01:02:21What does he mean?
01:02:24He doesn't understand.
01:02:26My heart...
01:02:26Lie down.
01:02:30Good.
01:02:31How's that?
01:02:33Remarkable.
01:02:34Stand up.
01:02:36Stand still.
01:02:38Cough.
01:02:39Ah-ha.
01:02:41Ah-ha.
01:02:41Ah-ha.
01:02:41You see?
01:02:42Fantastic.
01:02:43What is?
01:02:44Stomach's a model.
01:02:45You've got a digestive system like an incinerator.
01:02:47No sign of hernia.
01:02:49Pulse normal.
01:02:49Next cubicle.
01:02:50Pulse normal?
01:02:52But, Doctor, I'm in a state of nervous tension.
01:02:54All the more remarkable.
01:02:59Sit down.
01:03:01Roll up your sleeve.
01:03:03Sphigma monomal is ready, Doctor Clark.
01:03:05Mm-hmm.
01:03:05Sphyg...
01:03:06Relax.
01:03:07Strong.
01:03:08Relax.
01:03:09Ah.
01:03:10Now we'll see something, ma'am.
01:03:12Only your blood pressure.
01:03:21120.
01:03:22That's high.
01:03:2380.
01:03:24That's low.
01:03:26120 over 80.
01:03:27Textbook readings.
01:03:28Quite normal.
01:03:29But, Doctor, please.
01:03:30The blood's singing in my ears.
01:03:32I'm not surprised.
01:03:33You should be very happy.
01:03:38Stand, Leon.
01:03:42No!
01:03:52Ever been a blood donor?
01:03:53It wasn't that.
01:03:55Everybody.
01:03:56Haemoglobin is a hundred percent...
01:03:58I'm getting out of here.
01:03:59They're just a bunch of vets.
01:04:04Ah, splendid.
01:04:06Open up here, please.
01:04:07Yes.
01:04:07Come along here.
01:04:09Fine.
01:04:10Hands on hips.
01:04:13Now...
01:04:13Good Lord!
01:04:15Gentlemen, you must look!
01:04:18Strong!
01:04:18Gentlemen, look at this!
01:04:21Superb!
01:04:22What a ribcage!
01:04:23What a ribcage!
01:04:24Magnificent!
01:04:24If only it were in colour!
01:04:25Oh!
01:04:26Doctor!
01:04:27Please!
01:04:28No!
01:04:29The machine's all wrong!
01:04:30Look, my ribs are all short and they're sharp.
01:04:32I'm living constant dread of them puncturing my lungs!
01:04:35Oh, tell her the question!
01:04:36Your bone structure's in perfect proportion!
01:04:38Besides, your lungs have the texture of asbestos.
01:04:41Oh!
01:04:42I'm ill!
01:04:44I'm ill, Archelia!
01:04:46Gentlemen, there's only one avenue left open to us.
01:04:49Psychiatry.
01:04:51Psychiatry?
01:04:53Psychiatry.
01:04:54Oh, Doctor!
01:04:55You'll understand.
01:04:56Yes, yes, of course.
01:04:57Lie down.
01:05:00Relax.
01:05:03What's the first thing you'll remember?
01:05:05My mother.
01:05:06What was she doing?
01:05:06Sneezing.
01:05:07I see.
01:05:09Now, association test.
01:05:10Say whatever comes into your mind after what I say.
01:05:14Mother.
01:05:15Cold.
01:05:16Cold.
01:05:16Sneezing.
01:05:17Sneezing.
01:05:17Me.
01:05:18You.
01:05:21Again.
01:05:21Water.
01:05:23Washing up.
01:05:23Washing up.
01:05:24Naffy.
01:05:25Naffy.
01:05:25Nora.
01:05:30Nora.
01:05:39Oh, Nora.
01:05:54Hi, baby.
01:06:08Come here.
01:06:11Whatever's the matter with you, Horace? Are you ill or something?
01:06:14Ill?
01:06:15Not me?
01:06:17Your marbles must be loose.
01:06:19Oh, whatever's happened to you, Horace?
01:06:22You answer the questions, kid.
01:06:25Wanna be my doll?
01:06:28Doll?
01:06:30Yeah.
01:06:31But not the sort that goes mumma when I squeeze it.
01:06:33Okay?
01:06:35I have to have time to think about it.
01:06:38I have to have time to think about it.
01:06:39Think.
01:06:42Time's up.
01:06:43Through there.
01:06:43Move.
01:06:44Oh.
01:06:45Oh, Horace.
01:06:50What a right punch say turned out to me.
01:06:52Oh, just luck.
01:06:53Rotten bad luck.
01:06:55I must have stood under a ladder and kicked thirteen black cats sometime, Mother.
01:07:00Well, don't worry, sir.
01:07:01It'll all be behind you this time tomorrow.
01:07:04You know, I'll stay in the army.
01:07:06I wish it had turned out the way you wanted it.
01:07:07You know, you were at the head of a champion platoon.
01:07:10Yes.
01:07:11Didn't give them to every man to achieve his life's ambition.
01:07:14Certainly not to me.
01:07:16However, I hope when you get the other one up, you'll have better luck than I had.
01:07:22Good night, sir.
01:07:23Good night, Sarge.
01:07:25Don't be daft, Herbert.
01:07:27Characters like Grimshaw don't leave the army.
01:07:29They can't.
01:07:29They've taken root.
01:07:31Listen, I heard them talking about it.
01:07:33Tomorrow's his last day in the army.
01:07:35And the best of British luck with the old...
01:07:38Oh, all right, then.
01:07:39Perhaps he isn't such a bad old buzzard, are they?
01:07:41Best sergeant I ever served under.
01:07:43Let's give him a present.
01:07:45I know what he'd like.
01:07:46Us.
01:07:47The champion platoon tomorrow.
01:07:49What a hope.
01:07:50I would like that.
01:07:52I heard him saying just that to Corporal Copping.
01:07:54That's impossible.
01:07:55Any case, why should we knock ourselves out after the way he's chased us around?
01:07:59When did he ever chase you, Andy?
01:08:01Or any of us, for that matter.
01:08:03He's yelled a lot, but sergeants can't talk quietly.
01:08:06If he'd wanted to, he could have had all of us inside over and over again.
01:08:09Yeah, that's right.
01:08:10I wonder why he didn't.
01:08:11Excuse me.
01:08:14Perhaps he's been trying a sociological experiment, too.
01:08:17Eh?
01:08:17As Miles said, Grimshaw could have made life purgatory for us.
01:08:22He didn't.
01:08:23Why?
01:08:23Why, Jim?
01:08:24My theory is this.
01:08:25With us, his last platoon, Grimshaw tried the experiment of deliberately putting a brake on his disciplinary powers, relying instead
01:08:32purely on his personality.
01:08:34In my opinion, such an experiment deserves success.
01:08:39Boys, we shall be champion platoon tomorrow.
01:08:43You're barman.
01:08:44We can betrive.
01:08:45The others will cooperate.
01:08:46What do you say?
01:08:47Go on, boys, try.
01:08:48Okay.
01:08:49What have we got to lose?
01:08:50Nothing.
01:08:51Come on, let's tell the others.
01:08:53Blimey.
01:08:54We've forgotten Horace.
01:08:55That's tall, it's...
01:08:56Wait a minute.
01:08:57Horace, we've decided to knock their eyes out tomorrow, to come right out on top.
01:09:01Okay.
01:09:05You know, everything.
01:09:07Ropes, bayonet, grenades, the lot.
01:09:11Yeah.
01:09:14Ropes.
01:09:16Bayonet.
01:09:17Grenades.
01:09:20The lot.
01:09:25Okay.
01:09:31Flood Bar.
01:09:39You soon, Ray.
01:09:43Bye.
01:09:43Baa baaa baaa buaaa buaaa buoaaa buaaa buaaa buaaa buaaa baaa buaaa buaaaaaa buaaa buaaa illumt harbor bulaaa buaaa guaaa
01:10:00baa buaaa buaa baaah guauaaa.
01:10:18well you're a man short sergeant that's right one man sick appendicitis i'm taking his place
01:10:24who sent you no one i'm volunteering on top of everything this
01:10:29well what are we gonna lose all right brown get in there thank you sergeant well i
01:10:34shan't be needing these jets anymore corporal
01:10:39i hope he's got his braces on
01:10:43left home
01:10:45left home attack on move to the left edge
01:11:19race
01:11:20Yes!
01:11:30Number three, gun!
01:11:32Fire!
01:11:35Fifteen balls.
01:11:37Fifteen balls?
01:11:40Maximum.
01:11:42Maximum.
01:11:44We'll carry on, son, didn't we?
01:11:48Get down!
01:11:48Oh, yes.
01:11:50Detail! Change!
01:11:52Number one, gun clear, sir!
01:11:53Number two, gun clear, sir!
01:11:55All right, boys!
01:11:56Show what you can do.
01:11:57Hold your hand!
01:11:59Shoot!
01:12:01Charge!
01:12:04Charge!
01:12:05Charge!
01:12:06Charge!
01:12:08Charge!
01:12:10Charge!
01:12:10Charge!
01:12:11Charge!
01:12:12Charge!
01:12:13Charge!
01:12:14Charge!
01:12:16Charge!
01:12:17Charge!
01:12:20All right.
01:12:21Go on, let it go.
01:12:42All right, Lance.
01:12:44You're doing well.
01:12:45And remember, it's our last chance.
01:12:48So do your best.
01:12:50Right?
01:12:51And good luck to all of you.
01:12:54Right, brace up.
01:12:55Brace up.
01:12:57Go down.
01:12:59Go down.
01:13:00Go down.
01:13:00Go down.
01:13:01Come on.
01:13:04Go down.
01:13:06Slow.
01:13:07Move.
01:13:12Move to the left end threes.
01:13:15Left.
01:13:16Come on.
01:13:18All right.
01:13:20Quick.
01:13:21Move.
01:13:32Brace.
01:13:36Doesn't Charlie look smart?
01:13:39But look at me.
01:13:40How it rests.
01:13:41Brace.
01:13:43Brace.
01:13:45Tom.
01:13:45Come on.
01:13:46Slow.
01:13:48Bounce.
01:13:54Bend.
01:13:56Bend.
01:13:57Run.
01:13:57Right in threes.
01:13:59Right.
01:14:01Dance.
01:14:03By the left.
01:14:05Quick.
01:14:06March.
01:14:07March.
01:14:08March.
01:14:09March.
01:14:10March.
01:14:11March.
01:14:11March.
01:14:11March.
01:14:12March.
01:14:13March.
01:14:14March.
01:14:30March.
01:14:32March.
01:14:33March.
01:14:37March.
01:14:39March.
01:14:40March.
01:14:40March.
01:14:40March.
01:14:41March.
01:14:41March.
01:14:41March.
01:14:41March.
01:14:41March.
01:14:41March.
01:14:42March.
01:14:46Number one, move.
01:14:49Hey, watch.
01:14:52Number one, move.
01:14:58Hey, watch.
01:15:05Hey, watch.
01:15:22Hey, watch.
01:15:27Left, on.
01:15:31Order, on.
01:15:35Stand at face.
01:15:38Prize giving for the 60th intake.
01:15:41The champion platoon of the 60th intake
01:15:45is able platoon, platoon sergeant, sergeant Grimshaw.
01:15:50Shiller.
01:15:52Fifty quid.
01:15:55Oh, blimey.
01:16:17Well, this is the last time I shall see you all.
01:16:19You're as fine a body of men as I ever have seen.
01:16:22Proud of you.
01:16:23Broken all records.
01:16:25Special recommendations outstanding.
01:16:27Sage.
01:16:29Sir.
01:16:30Recommended for training as armorer.
01:16:32Sir.
01:16:34Bailey.
01:16:36Sir.
01:16:37Recommended for education corps.
01:16:38Sir.
01:16:40Strong.
01:16:42Show up.
01:16:43Recommended for physical training instructor.
01:16:45Sure.
01:16:46Brown.
01:16:50We're sorry to lose you,
01:16:51but Hartzies, congratulations.
01:16:53Remarkable persistence.
01:16:54Succeeded in passing your preliminary training test
01:16:56on the eve of your release.
01:16:58Excuse me, sir.
01:16:59I'm not leaving altogether.
01:17:01When me leave's over,
01:17:02I'm coming back as a regular.
01:17:04Ah.
01:17:04What?
01:17:06Oh, magnificent, sir.
01:17:08Ah, well, enjoy your leave, Brown.
01:17:10You deserve it.
01:17:10Thank you, sir.
01:17:11But all the lot of you.
01:17:12All work and no play makes Jack...
01:17:14Well, I think we all know what the army says about Jack, what?
01:17:19Carry on, Sergeant.
01:17:20Sir.
01:17:25Platoon...........................
01:17:38Well, thank you very much.
01:17:40And, uh, whoever Leighton buzzard were, you know.
01:17:43Feel like looking in?
01:17:45Always pleased to see you.
01:17:46Thank you, sir.
01:17:47I remember that.
01:17:48Goodbye, sir.
01:17:49Goodbye.
01:17:51Goodbye.
01:17:51Good luck.
01:17:59Excuse me, Sergeant.
01:18:01Uh, this is for you.
01:18:04Excuse me, Sergeant.
01:18:08Excuse me, Sergeant.
01:18:22Just kidding.
01:18:24Why are they not doing ?
01:18:27You're listening...
01:18:28Oh, my God.
01:18:28Oh, my God.
01:18:30Hey, sorry.
01:18:31In order, burn your time to look great.
01:18:32Oh, my God.
01:18:32Oh, my God.
01:18:33Oh, my God.
01:18:34thank you yay.
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