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Taskmaster - S17E09 - Assistantbury [Full Movie] [Long Version]Full EP - Full
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00:02Oh
00:40or as it's referred to in North Korea a correction facility for enemies of the state
00:45Our five remain unbroken, but I'm yet to use my full body weight
00:50Let the games continue and for the penultimate time, please welcome
01:00Nick Bahamad, Sophie Whitten and Steve Pungerton
01:08And next to me a man who says that the mothers at the gate of his children's school are a
01:13duplicitous gaggle of witches
01:17It's a little cow!
01:23It's a little cow!
01:26It's prize task time. Yes. Yes, and this week they've brought in the most splendid spherical thing
01:34We're looking for a solid all-rounder and Greg will give five points for the most splendid spherical thing
01:38The winner of the episode will take home five splendid spheres or a handful of brilliant balls or just under
01:44half a dozen cracking orbs
01:45Right Steve. Hello. What's your splendid spherical thing the most splendid spherical thing?
01:52I wanted to bring you was the moon
01:55Obviously I couldn't do that. So I made you one
01:58I made a moon
02:00This is Steve making the moon. I made it myself in my own back garden and
02:06Then over the course of a weekend transformed it into this wonderful moon
02:21It's a bit of a blue moon
02:22Yes, it's spectacular Steve. Yeah, and these craters were created obviously by gas erupting through
02:32He saw through the science. Yeah
02:34I mean Steve, I'm speechless
02:37If I'd have had 1,000 guesses, I wouldn't have got to you doing an art-laden moon
02:44Yes, so do you recognize the specificity of the mooning in the crater?
02:49It is me. It was taken by Sam Campbell. There we go
02:55Well done Steve. It's gonna take some beating I tell you and I'm not a betting man
03:01But I know the woman least likely to beat it or am I wrong? I've got a mystic ball
03:11You've got one of them, haven't you?
03:12Oh!
03:14I've just in my head said will Nick win Taskmaster. It says very lightly. It says broken
03:21Will Greg find love?
03:24Will Greg find love?
03:25Cannot foretell, but no
03:27I cannot foretell, but no
03:31You've added the no, yeah?
03:32I added the no. It felt more appropriate
03:36My niece has got one of those
03:37They're good out there!
03:41John?
03:42Greg, you and I are both childless men
03:45Thank you
03:45And, uh, yeah
03:49Nice to know I'll never find love
03:51And to be reminded that the line stops with me
03:55I see that as a positive that affords us certain luxuries
03:59Correct
04:01So I have brought you a giant honeycomb ball covered in chocolate
04:08I have a very specific technique with the honeycomb balls covered in chocolate
04:13I'll pop some coffee in my mouth
04:16Then I'll pop the sphere in
04:18And I'll allow the coffee to melt through to the honeycomb
04:21Oh!
04:22And I've already thought, looking at that, I'm going to have to chuck a cup of coffee on them
04:27You can slice the top off, pour the coffee in, and then suck it out
04:33Keep talking, you silver-tongued devil
04:37LAUGHTER
04:37Nick
04:38Hi, Greg
04:39I would say I'm somewhere between Sophie and John
04:41In terms of quality?
04:43In terms of quality
04:44OK
04:44But, yeah, um, but...
04:48I've bought in bath pearls
04:51Oh!
04:53Here they are
04:53Absolutely wonderful
04:55Very big in the 80s
04:58I think peaked in the 90s
05:00No, no, no, hang on, hang on, Greg
05:03Honest to God? Got instinct?
05:05I think this is going to do worse than Sophie
05:07LAUGHTER
05:09I'll tell you the reason why I love them
05:11This is a very specific memory from childhood
05:13But in my mum and dad's house, there's a little room, which is called the Spare Room
05:17Ooh!
05:19That's an interesting name for it
05:21At Christmas time, mum and dad would, like, kind of get ahead and then wrap up some presents
05:26And it always used to smell of bath pearls, that room
05:30Is that it?
05:31LAUGHTER
05:34Joanne
05:34I honestly don't think I can follow bath pearls
05:37You can
05:38LAUGHTER
05:40So, my present this week
05:42It's a Globe bar
05:44I mean, I know you like a drink
05:45I like a drink
05:46Why not get pissed on top of the world?
05:50LAUGHTER
05:50And then vomit on whales, or whatever you like to do
05:54Which went me here, yeah?
05:55Well, yeah, whatever
05:56OK, yeah, yeah
05:56We could put a woman in it, if you like
05:58That would be interesting
05:59Nick in a wig
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02I'll do that
06:05Pop out for your birthday
06:06Yeah, I mean, it does make the prize more exciting to me
06:09If I opened it to get myself a drink and Nick was in there
06:13LAUGHTER
06:13With some bath baths
06:14With some baths
06:15LAUGHTER
06:16OK
06:17Five splendid spheres
06:18You ready?
06:18Yes, oh, pointing already
06:20Yep
06:20One point for your rubbish bath pearls
06:23That's all right
06:24You'll take two points and thank me for it
06:26Two to Sophie
06:26Three
06:27Incredible
06:28I mean, you can't have thought you'd get three for that tat
06:30What?!
06:31I thought he was going to win us
06:32I was so confident
06:33I bought a bar
06:35Like, what do you want?
06:36LAUGHTER
06:37He wants the moon
06:38He wants the moon
06:39LAUGHTER
06:45Obviously, John's mega chocolate-covered honeycomb ball
06:49Will take four points
06:50Lovely
06:50Well done, John
06:51And, you know, who could deny him five points?
06:54Well done, Steve Pemberton
06:55There it is
06:55APPLAUSE
07:00Right, what's first, Alex?
07:02Well, I just can't believe it's that time of year again
07:04It's the greatest day in the Gregorian Davis calendar
07:07This one's for the little guys
07:24Hello
07:25Hi, welcome to my flexible workspace
07:27All right
07:28Oh, it smells nice in here
07:31Sort of smells like a national trust or something
07:33This is where I stay
07:35This is where the magic doesn't happen
07:38Sometimes happens
07:40Sure
07:42Is this where you live?
07:44No, this is me
07:44That's very sweet
07:47You've got a calendar out?
07:48Mmm
07:50Oh, that's sad, isn't it?
07:52Asleep
07:53Asleep
07:53Sleep by a train
07:54Yeah
07:55Create a new tradition to celebrate Assistant's Day
08:01Most notable new tradition wins
08:04You must demonstrate your tradition in the next 30 minutes
08:07Your time starts now
08:09Guy Fawkes has his fireworks, doesn't he?
08:12He does
08:13People like me don't have anything at the moment
08:15No, you don't, no, no, no, no, no, no
08:16What day is Assistant's Day?
08:18Look in the calendar
08:21Ah
08:22April the 20th
08:23There is an Assistant's Day
08:25An official professional administration
08:27Right
08:27Well, this is going to help us a little bit
08:29Yeah
08:31Oh
08:32Christ
08:32It's my fault
08:33Yes, okay
08:34I feel like Assistant's Day is for one day
08:36You are the assisted
08:38So you'll help me?
08:41There was a man called Bush
08:42Yeah
08:43Who broke this table
08:44Really?
08:45Yeah
08:45Okay
08:46Big guy
08:47I'm trying to think about you
08:49You've got your beard
08:50You've got your clipboard
08:53Personality
08:54You've got a great personality
08:57Um
08:59Have a little walk and a little think
09:01Mm-hmm
09:08I hope he comes on the show and he meets Alex
09:11That's what a nice guy he is
09:12But I hope this task that he's set
09:15Um
09:15Once and for all reveals what a disgusting
09:19Egomaniac
09:20And what an absolute narcissist he is
09:22Hmm
09:23Um
09:23But I'm happy to let you have your moment
09:25Assistant's Day it is
09:26Thanks, Greg
09:28Let's crack on
09:28Okay
09:30First to celebrate Assistant's Day are Soph and Steve
09:33Here we go
09:35Right then
09:36I'm ready, I love it
09:37You got it?
09:37I've got it
09:41Oh
09:44On Assistant's Day we shout hooray
09:48We drink a toast to helping folk
09:58Hey
10:00See you next year?
10:01Yeah, I'll see you at Assistantbury
10:03Bye-bye
10:03Take care
10:13Thanks, Sophie
10:15Thanks for the song
10:16Da-da-da
10:17Da-da-da
10:18Assistance Day
10:26I mean I imagine there are PAs across the land screaming into their hands
10:30That's just the song
10:33Assistants get to sing that song
10:34Tick that box, check off the list
10:36Yeah, yeah, we saw it
10:40It's a reminder of how busy they are
10:42Right
10:43Is it something you'd enjoy doing?
10:44I did enjoy doing it
10:45Once a year
10:46Yeah
10:46For ten seconds
10:48Both of those things made me very happy
10:50I think great minds think alike
10:52Yeah
10:52I think it's what kicks off Assistant's Day
10:54What, a forward roll with a glass of water?
10:57Yes
10:58You did promise me you knew the trick where you could do a roly-poly and keep the glass of
11:02water full
11:03Yes, I did
11:03Neither of us could do that
11:04No
11:07My God
11:09What a terrible start
11:11Right, well that's the end of part one
11:13And there will be more Assistant's Day celebrations coming up in part two
11:17Thanks guys
11:18Lovely to-
11:20Oh
11:20Oh
11:21Oh
11:30Hello and welcome to Taskmaster where for some grim vain reason
11:34We're celebrating the man next to me
11:36Not satisfied with flogging the format around the world are you?
11:39Da-da-da-da
11:40Da-da-da-da
11:42Assistant's Day
11:42Now it's time for some more admin adulation with John and Joanne
11:47What an assistant loves more than anything else on earth is paper
11:50It's your photocopier, it's your printer, it's your to-do list
11:54So come over here because we're going to make you your Assistant's Day paper suit
11:59Great
12:01So you're just going to chill out today and enjoy your Assistant's Day just to make sure you don't try
12:08and assist because that is your natural way
12:10Okay
12:11We're going to go and say no to the bad man
12:14Right
12:16Shoulder to elbow please
12:18He's 33 centimetres wasn't it?
12:21Mm-hmm
12:21Just need to sew these together
12:24There we go
12:28Here he is okay
12:31Repeat after me
12:32No!
12:34No!
12:35I'm my own man today
12:36I am...
12:38I am my...
12:38Own man
12:39I am my own man today
12:42Not today, Satan
12:46Come on, it's your day
12:48Not today, Satan
12:50Good boy
12:51Yeah?
12:51You're doing so well today
12:52And we do this every...
12:54Once a year
12:55Once a year
12:55Now you're going to have to assist me a bit while you're in the pram because it's... you're heavy
12:59Is it a pram?
13:00Yes, of course it's a pram
13:00What else is it?
13:01I thought it was a regal trolley
13:04Tomato, tomato
13:20No!
13:21No!
13:22No!
13:23No assisting today, it's my day
13:25No!
13:27But you are going to have to get me my lunch though
13:28Oh really?
13:29Yeah
13:29You want it now?
13:31Yeah
13:33Wait there, I'll get the menus
13:35Will you...will you help me out?
13:36No
13:40Take a load off your boxes
13:42Cheers, Charles
13:43Thank you so much
13:47I love Assistant's Day
13:57Not today, Satan
13:59Yeah?
14:00I mean, I sort of get...I get the logic
14:02Why should they have to walk on that special day?
14:05Exactly
14:05And Alex is...he...he assists...he's assist...he's assistable
14:10He's...he's assisting by nature
14:12Is this a remix?
14:14LAUGHTER
14:17His natural way is to assist and help, so the only way to stop him assisting is to...put him in
14:24a pram
14:24I like the empowerment, you were getting him to show some sort of...
14:28Yeah
14:28He was asserting himself
14:29Yeah
14:30I did enjoy it, I felt quite emboldened
14:32Did you?
14:32No
14:33What?
14:34LAUGHTER
14:34You look like a helpless adult in a trolley
14:38John, I would like to celebrate your tailoring skills
14:42It's an amazing paper suit
14:45My question is, have I missed a metaphor
14:48Outside of it's an assistant who's covered in paper
14:51LAUGHTER
14:52Before assistants' day, assistants get to dress in their favourite thing, which is paper
14:57Is it?
14:58Yes?
15:00LAUGHTER
15:00Because they love paper
15:02Also, I didn't want to...
15:03LAUGHTER
15:04I think the basis of your celebration is that all assistants love paper
15:09Yeah, big time
15:11Have you seen this guy's dressing room?
15:12It's like a hamster's cage
15:14LAUGHTER
15:16I just think it's going to depress assistants
15:20Who's next?
15:21It's Nick Mohammed
15:23How are you?
15:24Well, I'm great, because it's assistants' day
15:25It is, it's assistants' day, so here we go
15:28Well, this is sort of specifically for you
15:32But also for assistants sort of everywhere
15:35Are you ready?
15:37Ha-ha!
15:38OK
15:43He assists us and helps us
15:45He's persistent and selfless
15:48He's Alex Horne
15:49He is quite tall
15:50A welcome thorn in all our sights
15:53Not just there for the ride
15:55He is there by your side
15:58When things get tough, when things get weird
16:00He's always there with his nice beard
16:03But this is a song for assistants worldwide
16:08For their endless assistance to all humankind
16:13An assistance existence should not be downplayed
16:18So on this day, let's celebrate
16:20And appreciate and ruminate
16:22On assistance day
16:24Assistance day
16:25Assistance day
16:26And specifically
16:28Alex Horne
16:35Thank you
16:38Thank you
16:38I feel like it's a bit too serious, Nick
16:40I think they don't have a breakdown
16:42But I felt quite emotional
16:45Because I was just like
16:49Sing to me, Nick
16:52I thought it was really lovely, Nick
16:53Thanks, Greg
16:54And where do you imagine it being played
16:56At the beginning of assistance day
16:57Or is there an event of some kind?
16:59Ah
16:59I think it's that kind of thing
17:01Almost like a
17:02Like a Christmas carol
17:03So I think you can sing it
17:04Maybe up to the lead up
17:05To assistance day
17:06Really?
17:07And then on the day itself
17:08And then maybe the day after
17:10But not much
17:10Oh, OK
17:12I guess on the day after
17:13It might start to grate
17:14Yes
17:16I'll give some points out
17:17OK
17:18We're saying Sophie one point
17:19And deservedly so, aren't we?
17:21Right
17:21I celebrated the assistant
17:23Didn't humiliate the assistant
17:25Yeah, fine, you can have two points
17:28And you'll thank her for that
17:29I think I'm going to give the paper suit three points
17:31I'm going to give Joanne four
17:32You know, I've been horrible to him over the years
17:34Yeah
17:34He should have one day off
17:36Thank you, Joanne
17:37It's not today, you prick
17:38All right
17:39And, you know, what a hauntingly beautiful way to start assistance day
17:44Listening to Nick's lovely, uplifting song
17:46Five points to Nick
17:47There you go
17:52Can I have a scoreboard, please, Alex?
17:54Yes, and once again, it's 777 at the top
17:57Joanne, John and Steve, joint leaders
18:02What have we got next then, Alex?
18:05Well, this is a task where they all participated in our progressive aerobic cardiovascular endurance run
18:10And I'm not even joking
18:11Stop it
18:12Here we go
18:26Joanne McNally
18:27Alex
18:29Alex
18:29Whatever
18:30Alex Horne
18:32Lovely to see you
18:33Absolutely
18:34Lovely to see you, too
18:36John
18:37Alex
18:38Right
18:39Oh
18:39Oh, it jumped off, Sophie
18:41I know, it's ready for me
18:42That's what it is
18:43Have you been up to much?
18:45Erm
18:45No, I've just been preparing every possible outcome for this task
18:49So, whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I've already thought of it
18:52Oh, here we go
18:54Peg of b****d sock
18:56Been an a****d sock
18:58Then p****d well done a s****d sock on a s****d appendage
19:02Then p****d well done a s****d sock on a s****d appendage
19:07Peg bin done
19:09Peg bin done
19:10Peg bin done, is it?
19:11So, okay, so I'll get that
19:12Throw one
19:13One on the peg
19:15Put one on me body
19:17Each single f****d action must take place between b****d bleeps
19:22Most b****d bleeps
19:24Most b****d bleeps g****d wins
19:25Sounds like my mother
19:28Your f****d time f****d well starts when the f****d bleeps start and f****d ends when you miss a f****d bleep
19:35It's really fun to do that, isn't it?
19:37To warn you, the bleeps will start far apart, but they'll get closer
19:40Oh, like the bleep test at school
19:41It's like a bleep test at school
19:43Your time starts when the bleeps start and ends when you miss a bleep
19:47Peg
19:49Bin
19:51And then don
19:53Does that make sense?
19:55Err, not really
19:56Let the bleeps commence
19:57Oh, God
19:59APPLAUSE
20:03Tell me about the bleep test at school, Nick. What was that?
20:06When you all sat down on the one end of the sports hall
20:09And they do a bleep and then you run to the other end
20:13And you've got to run back
20:14Before the sound of the next bleep
20:15Am I the only one who hasn't done the bleep test?
20:17And then they speed up, then they decrease it
20:18You've all done the bleep test?
20:19Sorry, right
20:20I haven't done a bleep test, Greg
20:22Ah, I see
20:23Yeah
20:26I see what's happening here
20:28Of course, our version of that was we used to ride a penny farthing to school
20:33There is one more thing I want to say
20:36Appendage
20:36LAUGHTER
20:38Appendage
20:39Appendage
20:40Appendage
20:40I'm appalled at myself
20:41I have a degree in English
20:42I'm embarrassing
20:43LAUGHTER
20:45OK
20:46First up, it's John and Nick
20:49Appendage
20:51Peg bin dong
20:52May the bleeps commence
20:55Will they be...
20:56Oh, that's a bleep
20:57OK, so...
20:58Peg a bleep
20:59Don't peg a bleep
21:00No, I won't
21:02Err
21:04Oh, you tied it to the sodding thing
21:06Is there a key for that?
21:12You've done one
21:13Peg
21:13I'm going to take off the cloak
21:16Oh, that was a bleep
21:24There's got to be a key for that bin some...
21:26I expect so, yeah
21:30Over the shoe
21:31Lovely
21:35What's your system here, Nick?
21:38There and back, there and back
21:39Yep, lovely
21:39You've pegged and you've binned and you've done
21:45Peg bin done?
21:46Now what I'm thinking is, erm...
21:48Just move everything a bit closer
21:50Oh
21:53Oh yeah, I see
22:04Thank you
22:05Have you found the key?
22:07Yeah, I've found the key
22:10Must be before the next bleep
22:13Yeah, it's on
22:14Just in time there, Nick
22:15It was on
22:18Fuck
22:28Peg bin done
22:37Oh, there's a key on it!
22:39Yeah
22:47Don
22:49Peg bin done
22:50Peg is next
22:52Peg's...
22:58Oh!
22:59Oh, did you miss one?
23:01Oh...
23:02You covered a lot of ground there
23:03Woo!
23:06Peg!
23:07Bin!
23:09Don!
23:10Peg!
23:10Bin!
23:12Don!
23:14Ah, I missed the beep
23:17Oh...
23:17Bye, John!
23:21It's quite incredibly serious
23:23Do you take some things?
23:24Even I started to think it was a fucking sport
23:27Well, when you've been playing peg bin don as long as I have
23:31Yeah
23:31You just want to try it in different terrains
23:34Different weather conditions and stuff
23:36It was a nice day
23:37The wind was in a good place for me
23:41Sun was shining
23:42This is a great post-match interview
23:44I'm really enjoying it
23:46Nick?
23:47I did write down that you take defeat well
23:49Oh, thank you
23:50Something in it?
23:51I genuinely believe that you learn a lot more from failure than success
23:54Yeah
23:55But which do you prefer?
24:01What's that?
24:02It's me savouring success
24:04Oh
24:05It's just how I do it
24:07What about when you fail?
24:09BUZZ
24:10I don't know why I did that
24:11Is that me shitting?
24:15Is that me pooing myself?
24:16I don't know why
24:16Is that me pooing myself?
24:16Is that me pooing myself?
24:17I just realised I was doing that and it was being filmed
24:22I think maybe all the sarcastic things I've said to you have built up and that was the release
24:26Yeah, it came out
24:28Right, that's the end of part two
24:29Alex, please, would you perform a haiku for everybody?
24:34Gooooooo
24:35Ha ha ha
24:36Comedy
24:38Comedy
24:46Hello there
24:48Welcome to the third part of the show where there's an old school bleep test underway
24:52Big time, yes, they've got to peg a sock, bin a sock, then don a sock on an appendage
24:58Each action taking place between the bleep
25:01So let's see how Sophie and Joanne got on
25:05So it's peg first, good
25:06Peg a sock
25:08Yeah
25:08It doesn't say peg to the line, sure it doesn't
25:10Oh, thinking outside the box
25:13I see you've just pegged it, okay
25:16Do you think binning means putting it in a bin or are you just going to bin it?
25:19I thought bin it as in get rid of it
25:20Fine
25:21It's up
25:21It's up to you
25:22Oh, I have it
25:24I'm bringing them all to the same place
25:26Right
25:29And here's an appendage isn't it?
25:31That's an appendage, yeah, lovely, lovely appendage
25:33You know, oh no
25:34Oh
25:36Put me onto my basket
25:37Sorry
25:40Cool
25:40Are you happy with your technique?
25:42Oh, lovely
25:50Very casual
25:51It's very casual isn't it?
25:53We could have brunch
25:58Lovely
25:59Peg
26:06So send the head as an appendage?
26:07Yeah, it's a head, isn't it?
26:09Yeah
26:09Yeah
26:10Yeah
26:13Yeah
26:13Yeah
26:13Yeah
26:18An appendage is just something that you might stick a plaster on intact
26:23Which is a head
26:25In my case
26:29This is the sportiest thing I've ever done, it's a
26:32Oh jeez
26:35Uh oh
26:39Appendage
26:40God, he's really complicated
26:41Peg
26:42Yep
26:43You'll be quick now
26:44Right
26:44Shhh
26:45Sorry
26:45Oh no
26:46Peg, ah no, I lost my peg
26:48Oh no
26:50Oh
26:51It's intense, that one's here
26:52Yeah
26:54Yeah
26:56Joan's having a blinder today, isn't she?
26:58Oh yeah
26:59It's the first task that I kind of read between the lines of the task
27:03Yeah
27:04Now let's talk about the definition of binning something
27:09Bin it off
27:10You're the sort of person who chucks crisp bags out of your car, aren't you?
27:15Yeah, I mean binning can mean get rid of
27:17Thank you
27:18I got rid of them
27:19It can?
27:20It's a dictionary definition
27:22Get rid of
27:22Bin
27:22To bin it off
27:23What?
27:24Bin it
27:25Bin it
27:25Bin it
27:26I'm aware of the casual use of bin it
27:29I just don't know that I approve
27:30I think it's people like you who are bringing our country down
27:32LAUGHTER
27:35Who's next?
27:36OK, finally it's time to see the multi-award winning actor and writer, Steve Pemberton
27:40In a different sort of light
27:42BEEP
27:43OK, come on
27:44Oh, box!
27:48LAUGHTER
27:49Oh, orange peg for an orange sock
27:51Bonus points
27:52Most bleeps wins
27:53Now I've got to bin a sock
27:56Before the next bleep
28:00After the next bleep
28:01So, where's the bin?
28:03There's a bin here
28:04You ready for your sock?
28:05Yes
28:06You hungry?
28:07I'm starving
28:08You want a f***ing sock?
28:10Yeah, give me a f***ing sock
28:11You sure?
28:12Yeah!
28:12Give me a f***ing sock now
28:14Alright, you can calm down
28:16Stop being a f***ing sock
28:17Give me a sock
28:18Jesus
28:19There's your sock
28:23Hey, rude bin
28:25OK, don a sock on an appendix
28:32I mean, I'm happy to count the swearing bleeps as bleeps
28:35I mean, I'm happy to count the swearing bleeps as bleeps
28:36Because it won't affect the scores
28:37LAUGHTER
28:38What was your favourite swear word you used?
28:41Erm...
28:47It's just a bit of fun, what's your favourite swear word?
28:49Jizz
28:50Yeah
28:51LAUGHTER
28:52Dublin
28:53Can I have some scores, please?
28:56Steve managed to generate a total of 15 bleeps
28:58Nick, 22
28:59Sophie, 30
29:00Joanne, 42 bleeps
29:04John, 43
29:05So he gets the five points
29:06Oh!
29:07There we go, well on job
29:09APPLAUSE
29:12OK, erm, do you think we can have one more task, Alex, please?
29:15Mm-hm, it's time to go back of head to the lab
29:19Oh...
29:20HE CHUCKLES
29:23HE CHUCKLES
29:30MUSIC
29:30HE CLOCKS
29:35HE CLOCKS
29:35MUSIC
29:36HE CLOCKS
29:37Hello, Sophie
29:38Ha-ha!
29:39Short back and sides, please?
29:41HE CLOCKS
29:42HE CLOCKS
29:43HE CLOCKS
29:44Yes?
29:44HE CHUCKLES
29:45HE CLOCKS
29:45Sorry, answer.
29:46Sorry to answer a room
29:49Ah, I can see myself on the back of my head. Very rarely you get to see that.
29:54Ah, yeah, the old task.
29:56Yeah, I'm afraid so.
29:59Make, that's written backwards.
30:01Oh, no. God, that's hard, isn't it?
30:05Heen, hoob.
30:08Heeb.
30:09That's an S, isn't it? They look like A's backwards on this typewriter.
30:12They do.
30:12Neat, ooh.
30:14Oh, yes.
30:17Ben, my...
30:19Hold on a second, you're only...
30:24Biabombo.
30:25There's something going on, isn't there?
30:28Ah, for Christ's sake.
30:31Right.
30:32Er, make the back of your head look like the front of a head.
30:35Make the na...
30:36Make the back...
30:37of your...
30:39kneeb...
30:40What's a kneeb?
30:43Make the back of your head look like the front of your head.
30:46You may not just make a mask.
30:49You must demonstrate your new front of head in action.
30:52Most characterful back front head wins.
30:56Is there anything else in the room that could help you read that, do you think?
31:00Oh, my...
31:04That is a really good trick, I have to say.
31:06Yeah.
31:07You have 15 minutes.
31:09Your time starts one.
31:13Typo.
31:14Finally.
31:15Your time starts one.
31:17It's now backwards.
31:19OK.
31:20OK.
31:21OK.
31:21Most characterful back front head wins.
31:24All right.
31:26So...
31:28I would imagine it's a bit of yellow.
31:33Oh, no!
31:34That's mine, precious.
31:37Can you see my nostrils?
31:38Biggest.
31:39Biggest.
31:39Biggest I've ever seen.
31:42So...
31:43That's what the catcher said.
31:44Uh-huh.
31:45She's the kind of person who listens to Gloria Gaynor.
31:49Let's dive in.
31:51What are you thinking?
31:53Hello.
31:54This is very...
31:56Blue Peter back in the day, isn't it?
31:57How old is she?
31:59She's about 15.
32:00Been through the menopause.
32:01She's on H.R.T.
32:04I hate you for this.
32:07APPLAUSE
32:10Well, I'm very much looking forward to meeting the lady
32:12who's into Gloria Gaynor and is...
32:16..menopause.
32:17You know that I am what I am.
32:18She's got to accept herself.
32:20Yeah, you've got to, haven't you?
32:21Yeah.
32:22Good.
32:22So, we're doing some back-of-the-head characters.
32:24Yes, most characterful back-of-head wins.
32:26Let's start with Sophie and Nick's characterful creations.
32:34Hello, where's the party at?
32:36Oh, hello.
32:38Oh, hello, welcome to the party.
32:39Yeah, I'm having a great time.
32:42I don't know what your name is.
32:44Death.
32:45Death?
32:45Right, hello, Death.
32:52Hello.
32:53Hello.
32:54My name's Lesley.
32:56And I'm ready for my song.
32:58Hello, Lesley.
33:02Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
33:09Did you write that yourself, Lesley?
33:11It's about my divorce.
33:12Oh, sorry to hear that.
33:14Yeah.
33:15Did he leave you or did you leave...?
33:17He left.
33:18He left.
33:19It was hard.
33:20I'm back.
33:22I'm back.
33:23Thanks for inviting me.
33:26Pleasure, dear.
33:27Hang on.
33:28My straw's come out of my mouth.
33:31There we go.
33:33There you go, that's all right.
33:36Go, Lesley.
33:38You know?
33:39Woo!
33:41Woo!
33:45APPLAUSE
33:48Did you feel there was some doubt in your eyes when you said,
33:52that was all right?
33:54There was a touch of doubt.
33:55I think I got really fixated on the party blower thing.
33:59But I loved the party blower thing.
34:01So did I, but then that's the only thing it could do.
34:04Not so.
34:05The monocle swivelled into place.
34:08That's true.
34:08There was a lot of moving parts to that face.
34:11I think I'm too into it.
34:12Yeah.
34:13I'm all right with that.
34:16Um, is Lesley the middle-aged lady?
34:18She was from Sesame Street.
34:21LAUGHTER
34:22I was just expecting something a little bit more realistic.
34:26I thought, I'm going to get drawn into a woman's struggle here.
34:30You know, someone who's been through something.
34:32Yes!
34:32And then, there was just some goon with a sheet in two big...
34:36LAUGHTER
34:37..two big bog lights shall have taken to the back of her head.
34:40I think you saw her, though, didn't you?
34:42I saw her, right.
34:43Lesley, she was there, she was with you.
34:44She was there.
34:45I enjoyed it.
34:47Albeit low-scoring.
34:48OK, I'll go that much.
34:50OK.
34:51That's three-quarters of this fine episode gone.
34:53There's a massive chocolate ball
34:54and a mooning moon up for grabs to hurry back.
34:56We'll see you soon.
35:01APPLAUSE
35:06Hello! It's the final part of this show,
35:09and there's still a task to complete in the lab.
35:11Yes, that's right.
35:12Our cast are trying to make the back of their head
35:14look like the front of a head.
35:16Most characterful back-front head wins.
35:18Steve Pemberton and Joanne McNally are next.
35:21Oh, and here they come right now.
35:24Put them off.
35:26Put them off, eh?
35:28I'm undefeated in 18 fights.
35:33Broke like a battleship,
35:35sings like a wasp.
35:38So, go on.
35:39He fell asleep on the plane,
35:41took his phone, pointed to his face,
35:43opened it and went into his DMs.
35:45I went into his DMs.
35:47He's fucking cheating, isn't he?
35:49Some slag called Barbara fucking all over him.
35:52Sending naked photos and everything,
35:54and he's asking for it.
35:57Come on, Alex.
35:59I'm going to take you up.
35:59Come on!
36:00Are you a man or a mouse?
36:01Come on!
36:01Oh, you want me to come and fight you?
36:02I want you to come and fight me!
36:03I'd love to.
36:04I can take you.
36:07Are you a Southpaw?
36:09Er...
36:09Oh, yeah.
36:11Oh, you got me really good.
36:12Ah!
36:13Yeah!
36:14I love you, Adrian!
36:17You're joking.
36:18Fucking you, he was cheating.
36:20Fucking you.
36:21But when the fans face down during dinner,
36:23and they bring her to the toilet.
36:24That's it, innit?
36:25That's all I knew.
36:26He was mugging me off.
36:27Didn't I?
36:28Aye?
36:29I'm riding!
36:32Woo!
36:34APPLAUSE
36:40When I first saw it, Steve, and you go...
36:42I thought...
36:44Yeah, he's lost his fucking mind.
36:46And then I went cauliflower ears.
36:48Clever.
36:48It was all edible.
36:49Orange peel, tooth, banana nose, coffee pot eyes.
36:52Yeah, coffee pot eyes.
36:53And that cauliflower stained...
36:55That has turmeric cauliflower, which stained my hair for about fortnight afterwards.
36:58And those elastic bands left welts in my face, that meant we had to delay filming by quite some time.
37:04Before they calmed down again.
37:06Wow.
37:07Joanne.
37:07I mean, I...
37:08I hated that woman.
37:10Yeah.
37:11I'm sorry to the people of Essex, I can't do accents.
37:14Oh, she was from Essex?
37:16Yeah!
37:17I thought she was Welsh.
37:18It was kind of...
37:19It was a Gemma Collins character.
37:21Yeah.
37:21Were there any rules that Joanne broke?
37:24No, the one rule was you can't just make a mask.
37:28But she didn't just make a mask.
37:29OK.
37:30It was far more creative than that.
37:31Oh, it was very creative.
37:32I loved the duality of flipping between the two characters.
37:36It's not quite serious all of a sudden, doesn't it?
37:38Yeah.
37:38Yeah, she did also say,
37:39Oh, so it's just sticking shit to the back of my head, is it?
37:41Yeah.
37:43That's more like it.
37:44We're back in the game.
37:46Well, just John left.
37:47And that means this is either very good or absolute horseshit.
37:51All right, then.
37:52Well, finally, it's our resident reanimator.
37:54It's John Robbins.
37:58Hello.
38:00How are you doing, Wembley?
38:01Are you OK?
38:03Eh-oh!
38:05Eh-oh!
38:07Eh-oh!
38:08Eh-oh!
38:09Eh-oh!
38:09Eh-oh!
38:10Eh-oh!
38:11Eh-oh!
38:12Eh-oh!
38:13Eh-oh!
38:13Eh-oh!
38:13Eh-oh!
38:15Eh-oh!
38:15Eh-oh!
38:16Eh-oh!
38:17Eh-oh!
38:18Eh-oh!
38:18Eh-oh!
38:18Eh-oh!
38:22Eh-oh!
38:23Eh-oh!
38:50Eh-oh!
38:52Put all five up here, OK?
38:54And then you can...
38:54That might help you.
38:55That might help me.
38:55There they are.
38:57There are the five characters.
39:01You won't like this.
39:02Can I go from the top down?
39:04I'm fine with that.
39:04I'm pretty relaxed.
39:05Right, cos obviously Freddie Mercury's the best.
39:07So we'll give John five points.
39:09There we go.
39:09Round of applause for John Robbins.
39:10Thank you so much.
39:14We're talking about characters and faces.
39:16I'm going to give Steve four points.
39:17I rather liked Joanne's, the duality.
39:20I'm sure the internet will go fucking mad.
39:22Yeah.
39:22So three points.
39:24Back again.
39:25I know.
39:26Here we are.
39:28Going two points is like Christmas Day.
39:31Two points each.
39:32There we go.
39:37What are the scores?
39:38The scores?
39:39Well, yes.
39:40Sophie and Nick are at the bottom.
39:42Joanne, your second.
39:43But John's in the lead again with 17.
39:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:48Please, can you all make your extra station fun?
39:50It's up to Michelle!
39:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:00Hi, baby boy.
40:02Oh, hi, Dad.
40:05Who's going to read the task out?
40:07Joanne McNally, please.
40:09McNally.
40:10It's with you.
40:12Bounce a ball on the bar.
40:14In round one, your ball must bounce once before falling off the bar.
40:18In round two, your ball must bounce twice before falling off the bar,
40:23and so on.
40:24Each player has one life, most correct bounces wins.
40:27They can make one mistake.
40:28One mistake in total in the whole game.
40:30Got it.
40:30OK, I know.
40:31Can you choose when to use that life?
40:34LAUGHTER
40:35You want to use it in a previous task?
40:41Oh, right, no, I get it, no, I get it.
40:45So, John is up first.
40:46Let's play ball.
40:48John, grab a ball, bounce it once on the bar.
40:54He has made it through.
40:55It was a classic sideline.
40:56It was a side bounce.
40:58It was a side bounce.
40:58Following suit.
41:01Well done.
41:02Lovely stuff.
41:04Next up, it's Steve Hammond.
41:06Ooh!
41:08I meant it.
41:11OK, next up, it's Nick Mohammeds.
41:12Feeling all right now?
41:13I'm all right.
41:18If anyone can mess this up.
41:19LAUGHTER
41:22Ooh!
41:24Ooh!
41:24All right, there's a progression.
41:25It's now round two.
41:26Two bounces on the bar, please.
41:30Ooh!
41:32Ooh!
41:41Ooh!
41:41Ooh!
41:43Ooh!
41:44Ooh!
41:45Ooh!
41:45Rose, you were playing alink again.
41:46It's quite expensive.
41:48LAUGHTER
41:53Ooh!
41:54Ooh!
41:57Ooh!
42:03Ooh!
42:04Steve, please sit on the elimination bench.
42:05Steve Pemberton, everyone!
42:07APPLAUSE
42:08Heart-breaking.
42:14Oh! OK.
42:16It's all right, you're still in the game, Nick.
42:18Try and do it twice.
42:20LAUGHTER
42:21The boys from experience.
42:25Lovely.
42:26APPLAUSE
42:28It's critical there, just to remember.
42:35Do we all sit?
42:42Go on, Steph.
42:43Right, come on, number two.
42:45Two.
42:46Duh-duh.
42:49So, if you please make your way to the bench.
42:52So, go on, you're up.
42:54Three bounces, please.
43:04Oh!
43:05Well, it'll be useful in round five.
43:15Oh!
43:17On the bench.
43:17You may still make it through the other side.
43:20APPLAUSE
43:22Hmm.
43:24Hmm.
43:28Yes.
43:28Yes.
43:29Oh!
43:31Oh, it was close.
43:32That was four.
43:33So, just one fewer and you'll be through.
43:35OK.
43:37One, two, three, one, two.
43:40I don't have a strategy.
43:42I don't have a strategy.
43:43One, two, three, one, two.
43:45Yes!
43:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:50So, if Nick fails here, Joanne is the winner.
43:52It's three, isn't it?
43:53Three.
43:54And you have no lives.
43:55So, this is it.
43:56This is potentially the end game.
43:59LAUGHTER
44:01Oh, hello.
44:03LAUGHTER
44:05It was one trick shot too far, wasn't it?
44:09Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
44:10Four, eight, four, eight, four, two, one!
44:15Ladies and gentlemen, the winner.
44:17It's on the level!
44:18APPLAUSE
44:20Come down and join me.
44:22We'll let that to the final scores!
44:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:30So, Sophie and Steve came joint fourth.
44:32You get two points each.
44:33Nick and John joint second.
44:34Four points each.
44:35But the best bouncer was Joanne McNally!
44:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:40So, it means that Nick has had a solid episode.
44:45You're joint third with Steve.
44:46Joanne, a strong finish on 19.
44:48But John is the winner again with 21 points!
44:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:54John Robbins wins!
44:56Please go and scoop up your splendid spheres!
45:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:02See you next time for the final.
45:03But now, please applaud tonight's worthy winner once more.
45:07It's John Robbins!
45:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:37MUSIC
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