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Taskmaster - S16E06 - Brother Alex [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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00:34Hello.
00:35Welcome.
00:37I'm Greg Davies and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:40We are the Olympic-level testers of professional jesters.
00:45We're the World Cup for those who do stand-up.
00:48We're the summit of Everest for folks whose mouths never rest.
00:51We're the final of Wimbledon's for the trying-to-be-funny ones.
00:59We're the Henley Regatta for those making laughter.
01:04The US Open Golf Tournament for people working in merriment.
01:08We're the World Championships of Sumo
01:10for individuals committed to making you go ho-ho.
01:17I'll take my point.
01:18Please welcome Julian Clary!
01:22Lucy Boba!
01:25Sam Cumbo!
01:27Sue Perkins!
01:29And Susan Wakoma!
01:33And next to me, a man whose hair has gone so grey
01:36during the time we've been making this show
01:38that his wife told me, in confidence,
01:41that she no longer desires him
01:42and, in fact, wonders if she ever really did.
01:46LAUGHTER
01:48A little Alex Hard!
01:53APPLAUSE
01:56All right, chat time.
01:58I'm not going to have a chat tonight, actually.
02:00OK.
02:01I just... I have prepared something, but I've...
02:02It's on a QR code, so just scan that.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:08Is that a real QR code?
02:09Yeah.
02:10It does lead to something.
02:10Something really good.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:12What's the prize task category for today's episode, please, Alex?
02:15Well, listen up, guys, and listen up good,
02:18because it's the greatest thing
02:19that makes quite a loud noise when you shake it.
02:22LAUGHTER
02:23There are five points for the greatest thing
02:24that makes quite a loud noise when shaken,
02:26and the winner of the episode will win the lot,
02:27which will be the first time in television history
02:29that these very specific prizes have ever been won, Greg.
02:33Hello, Susan.
02:34What is the thing that you've brought in
02:36that makes quite a loud noise when you shake it?
02:38It is...
02:40a waterbed!
02:43LAUGHTER
02:45When I was a child, me and my siblings,
02:47we'd bring all our mattresses into the front room
02:50and we'd all, like, have a little sleepover.
02:52For Christmas one year, my mum got a waterbed
02:55and then we started playing with it
02:56and it made a really shaky sound.
02:59LAUGHTER
03:01Sorry, I got distracted
03:02because I thought I could hear a bird in the studio.
03:04LAUGHTER
03:05One point!
03:07LAUGHTER
03:08Do you want to hear the quite loud noise when you...
03:10Yeah, this might save it.
03:11Yeah.
03:17All right, Susan, thanks!
03:19LAUGHTER
03:19Thanks for opening the batting!
03:22Sue?
03:22The magnificent thing that I bought
03:24that makes quite a loud noise when you shake it
03:26is my great, great, great Aunt Margaret's
03:29glass swan collection.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32These actually have a history
03:34in that she was a survivor of the Titanic
03:36and those swans were also saved in the lifeboat
03:40that she got into
03:40and they were passed down the generations.
03:43And it does make quite a loud noise when you shake it.
03:45OK, here go the swans.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:51That's what someone's going to win.
03:53She...
03:53She didn't really survive the Titanic, did she?
03:56I mean, she was...
03:57Towards the end of her life, she was...
03:59She was a fantasist, so we don't know.
04:00OK.
04:03Lucy?
04:03Do you know what a cream horn is?
04:07Hmm.
04:10Here's Lucy's cream horn.
04:11LAUGHTER
04:12Oh, it's got cream attached to it.
04:15Yeah, when you shake the cream,
04:16the noise comes out the horn.
04:18BUZZER
04:18LAUGHTER
04:20My God, this is a new low.
04:23LAUGHTER
04:25Can I just have some pints, please?
04:27LAUGHTER
04:28I'll tell you now, you're doing the best so far.
04:31LAUGHTER
04:31And that's incredible, bearing in mind you stuck an air horn
04:34onto a can of cream.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37Sam?
04:38I've got that bucket.
04:40LAUGHTER
04:41Lined with sandpaper.
04:43OK.
04:44Full to the brim!
04:45Of matches...
04:47and fire alarms.
04:50LAUGHTER
04:54I mean, that is full to the brim.
04:56LAUGHTER
04:57This is going to be a hell of a noise, right?
04:59Here we go.
05:14The worst round...
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18..of Taskmaster kiss.
05:20Hey, listen, my grandad gave me this
05:22and he was in the Hindenburg.
05:23and he was in the Hindenburg.
05:24LAUGHTER
05:25LAUGHTER
05:25LAUGHTER
05:26LAUGHTER
05:26Julian, it's all...
05:28It's all for the taking.
05:29Ah, yes.
05:30This is a drawer full of cutlery.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:36Looks like someone's back in the game.
05:39I mean, just generally from my home
05:41and the cutlery is from the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:46LAUGHTER
05:48OK, here's the drawer full of cutlery from the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:50From the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:51Yep.
05:52There we go.
05:53LAUGHTER
05:55APPLAUSE
05:56It's the worst ever.
05:58It's the worst round in 16 series.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:01LAUGHTER
06:03So who's getting the solitary point, Greg?
06:05Well, Susan, of course she is.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:09I don't care if they were from the Isle of Wight.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:12Two points to Julian.
06:14At least something got destroyed with Sue's.
06:18LAUGHTER
06:18Three points.
06:19I'm going to give Lucy four points for her cream horn.
06:23Lovely.
06:23Sam Campbell takes home the big five.
06:25Really?
06:26APPLAUSE
06:31OK, what have you got for me, Alex?
06:33Mm-hm.
06:34Well, now, on Channel 4, it's Robot Wars.
06:40MUSIC PLAYS
06:56This is the most impressed I've been.
07:04I've got knee pads on.
07:06Thank the Lord.
07:08Promising.
07:08Yeah.
07:10It's fallen over, that dog.
07:11Yeah, if you want to ride the dog, that'd be great.
07:15Thank you, Sue.
07:16What even is that?
07:17That's a weasel.
07:18Busy little shit, isn't it?
07:20LAUGHTER
07:22Is this part of it?
07:23Don't worry about the dog.
07:24He's happy.
07:27Avoid the rubbish robots.
07:30You may not remove your blindfold at any point.
07:33And at least one of your knees must be touching the floor throughout.
07:40LAUGHTER
07:44Longest time untouched by a rubbish robot wins.
07:48Your time...
07:51Your time starts when the rubbish robot starts.
07:56These are the rubbish robots.
07:57The rest are just animals.
07:59Oh, so they're not my enemies?
08:00No, they're your friends.
08:03Are you going to ask me to kneel down in a masterful voice?
08:07Kneel, Julian.
08:11Right, that's what... Is that your starting position?
08:14It is.
08:14At times I've been asked that.
08:16LAUGHTER
08:22APPLAUSE
08:24Well, quite formal to be asked.
08:28Is that your starting position?
08:31Then I'll begin.
08:33Sam hated everything about this task, correct?
08:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:37I've loved some of the others, but this one I thought was a dud.
08:40LAUGHTER
08:43How do you feel?
08:43Well, I think we're all looking forward to watching it now.
08:47LAUGHTER
08:47First one.
08:48He came with hope.
08:49Will he leave with glory?
08:50It's Julian Clary.
08:53All right, Julian, here we go.
08:59Ah, no, it just hit you back for it.
09:00That's the end of the task.
09:03LAUGHTER
09:03Is it over now?
09:04It's over.
09:05Well, I...
09:06Did you enjoy it?
09:08Didn't last on, did it?
09:09That sometimes happens.
09:11LAUGHTER
09:11Thanks, Julian.
09:13APPLAUSE
09:18Sam is quite right.
09:19It's not one of your best.
09:21LAUGHTER
09:23That was, for me, two and a half seconds of gold.
09:27Who's next?
09:28OK, will they be jammy dodgers?
09:30It's Lucy and Susan to the rescue.
09:32I'm quite close to them here.
09:34Right.
09:35Right.
09:37That's where you're going to go, is it?
09:40OK.
09:41OK, well, your time starts when the robots start.
09:43Here we go.
09:48I don't know what's going on.
09:51I don't like it.
10:00Can I feel?
10:01You want to avoid the robots?
10:03No!
10:10I trained at RADA.
10:23This is the future.
10:25This is what it's going to be like, isn't it?
10:27Everyone's trying to hide from robots.
10:30The whole point of, like, blindfold play is that you keep...
10:38Oh!
10:39Who came with me?
10:40What?!
10:40You've just been struck by a rubbish robot.
10:42Have I?
10:43I didn't know they didn't strike me, look!
10:46I saw it hit you.
10:47It didn't hit me!
10:48Look!
10:48That's nowhere near me, mate!
10:51It struck your left...
10:52It didn't!
10:54Do they know I'm here?
10:57Oh, yeah.
11:04Did you just get grazed on it?
11:05Oh, yeah, and again.
11:06I think...
11:07Yeah, I think that one...
11:08Yeah, I'm going to stop the clock there.
11:10Does it mean it's over now?
11:11Well, you say it didn't...
11:12We'll carry on if you say it didn't hit you.
11:14I don't think it hit me.
11:15I didn't feel it.
11:17Who's controlling the rubbish robot?
11:19God.
11:23Now it hit me, I felt that.
11:25OK, well, I'll stop the clock then.
11:27Shall I go now?
11:28Yeah, watch out for the robots.
11:29Ooh.
11:37Do you think this is what the future's going to be like?
11:40Yeah, that is sort of like what my day-to-day life is like.
11:44That's my favourite task.
11:48To be fair, there were some genuine moments of jeopardy there.
11:51Her tactic was, I'm using my ears, which is quite pleasant.
11:54She was listening for where the robots were, which is quite...
11:57It worked.
11:57She avoided the robots for three minutes and 42 seconds.
12:00God, that's good.
12:00That's good.
12:03Susan had an interesting technique to avoid the robots
12:07and that was to go into complete denial.
12:10Complete denial that the robots had got anywhere near her.
12:12Yeah. I thought that was something furry,
12:14so I was like, that wasn't the robot.
12:15Yeah, I know, but the weird thing is,
12:16there was someone who was looking who...
12:19..confirmed that the robot did stroke.
12:20No, by that point, I don't trust that guy.
12:22You were too deep in character, right?
12:24Too deep in character.
12:24As some nutter.
12:26LAUGHTER
12:26Well, the first robot may or may not have struck her
12:28at one minute 56,
12:30and then we finally stopped at three minutes 03.
12:32LAUGHTER
12:33Are we taking the first one as a strike?
12:35Obviously.
12:35The one that did...
12:37Maybe there was more jeopardy than you thought there, Sam.
12:41LAUGHTER
12:41OK, if you are having a nice time,
12:43please stop having a nice time,
12:45because I present to you...
12:46..some adverts.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:54APPLAUSE
12:58Oh!
12:59Welcome back to the second part of Taskmaster.
13:02Yes, it's great to have you back,
13:03but I'm afraid there are still some rubbish robots
13:05causing absolute mayhem.
13:07We're down to the last two.
13:08It's Sam and Sue.
13:10Sue, can I touch the robot with something else?
13:12All the information on the task,
13:14please put it on your blindfold.
13:16Come on, Milo.
13:17Ooh, they're absolutely creepy AF to touch.
13:20LAUGHTER
13:22Can you see anything?
13:23No.
13:26Can you see anything, Sue?
13:27No.
13:29Oh, OK.
13:30Right.
13:31OK, good luck.
13:32Your time starts when the robot starts.
13:36MUSIC PLAYS
13:40LAUGHTER
13:56F**k off!
13:58LAUGHTER
14:00LAUGHTER
14:02LAUGHTER
14:03LAUGHTER
14:03LAUGHTER
14:10Am I still on there, Matt?
14:11Yeah.
14:12Oh, did you just get struck by rubbish road?
14:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:17Go away!
14:21Ooh!
14:24Horace!
14:25Ah.
14:26I'm afraid that one of the rubbish robots
14:28just caught your left and right foot.
14:32Not finished?
14:34That's nice that you let your nephew
14:35come up with tasks once every while.
14:38LAUGHTER
14:38It makes me appreciate the really good ones.
14:42LAUGHTER
14:44APPLAUSE
14:48You've really got it in for this task.
14:50As soon as we saw shots from the rubbish robot's perspectives,
14:54wow!
14:55LAUGHTER
14:56And there should be a spin-off!
14:57We're talking merchandise!
14:59Calendars!
15:01LAUGHTER
15:01Sue, your ferret swiping technique was...
15:05pretty sweet.
15:07LAUGHTER
15:07I just needed to grab them by the tail and let them work for a living.
15:12LAUGHTER
15:13They both did good tactics by starting behind the robots
15:15instead of immediately in front of them.
15:18LAUGHTER
15:18But they're times.
15:19It's such an exciting task, this one.
15:22Sam avoided them for one minute and four seconds.
15:25Sue, one minute and seven seconds.
15:28Wow!
15:29Wow!
15:30So the final score, Susan actually came second with her one minute 56.
15:33It gets four points.
15:34Sue, three points for one minute and seven.
15:36Sam, two points.
15:37One minute and four.
15:38Julian, one point for two and a half seconds.
15:41LAUGHTER
15:41Lucy, three minutes and 42 seconds.
15:44So, it's a full five points to Lucy Burgess!
15:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:51Hey, I'd love to see a scoreboard, please, Alex.
15:53Well, she's actually in first place.
15:55Lucy's got nine points in the lead.
15:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:58APPLAUSE
16:01And what is next?
16:03Pray tell.
16:04OK, next we have a team task in two places at once.
16:21Oh!
16:24What do you suppose?
16:26Pull it, do you think?
16:27Oh, it's under...
16:29It's in...
16:29It's in here.
16:30Oh, cool.
16:31Is it a guinea pig?
16:36Recreate your team mate's garage scene.
16:39You have 15 minutes.
16:41Your time starts when your team mate calls.
16:43Can I touch this?
16:46Oh, shit.
16:47Oh, Christ.
16:49Zero, Oscar, are you receiving?
16:51Over.
16:52Hello, are you receiving me?
16:54Roger.
16:55Sue, are you all right?
16:56I'm all right, sweet.
16:57Listen, you're going to have to do some things for me, if that's all right?
16:59Always.
17:00Instruct your team mate to recreate your garage scene.
17:11You may not say any of the words on any of the labels.
17:15You may not leave your location.
17:18The most accurate recreation wins.
17:21You had 15 minutes.
17:24Your time has already started.
17:26You may not say anything.
17:29Also, Lucy, you've got an extra instruction there.
17:32You can read it as long as you don't press a button on the walkie-talkie.
17:36Also, you must try on all the outfits in the basket, one at a time,
17:41and not mention anything about it to your team mates.
17:45Yeah.
17:45Just to make life a bit more fun.
17:49I'll just get them out of the box one at a time.
17:51Sure.
17:52Awaiting instructions.
17:58She's gone home.
18:00She's done.
18:08Get in, stick tight for me.
18:09Everyone's going to be terrible at this.
18:11Let's find out.
18:12We're going to see all of them at it all at once in a montage.
18:15OK, Roger, let's start.
18:17The thing that goes on the floor that keeps your feet warm,
18:21can you put down first?
18:22Over.
18:23It's a rug or a carpet or something.
18:25Oh, I thought it was socks.
18:27In the centre of the room, I would like you to place a floor covering.
18:32If, in the middle of that,
18:33you could also position a piece of furniture used for sitting in.
18:36Right.
18:37If you're looking at your rug,
18:39can you put them on the right-hand side,
18:42at the front, over?
18:43Just by the way, Lucy, those are the words that you're not allowed to say.
18:46Oh, for fuck's sake.
18:48Oh, Lucy.
18:49Sorry. Please.
18:51Take a column of some description
18:53and put on the top of the column some statuary.
18:57OK, over and out.
19:01Is there anything else?
19:03Yeah, there's loads of things.
19:04Something that you have in your house that's green
19:08and that you have to water.
19:11Something that looks like someone I once went out with.
19:14Can you remember which hand I write with?
19:16Oh, left hand.
19:17That might be where you want to put the plinth.
19:19That was there.
19:21The thing that they have in shops.
19:27Are you OK? Is there smoke? Is there gas in the shed?
19:31You know, what hand do you write with?
19:33So that side, I'd like another plinth.
19:36And what I would like on that is something that goes quack.
19:40Is that making sense?
19:41Erm, you know those two things that they have in zooms?
19:45They're very brightly coloured.
19:47Flamingos.
19:48I want to.
19:49Yeah.
19:50So many dots.
19:51Tell us where to put the things that we've got, them.
19:54OK, brilliant, right.
19:56OK, so...
20:00To what, sir, sir, to...
20:03Looking...
20:05And I'm facing the back wall of the garage.
20:08Waiting for you to respond.
20:10Roger.
20:13Right.
20:14A rubbish receptacle.
20:16With the face of...
20:18A red-nosed...
20:20Entertainer.
20:20I could just think of Father Christmas,
20:21but I don't think he's a red-nosed entertainer.
20:23He's just a red-nosed man.
20:25Chaka.
20:26Yeah.
20:27Where was the mannequin?
20:29I'm gonna go through all the positions.
20:31In front of you.
20:32Clint!
20:33On the other.
20:34Clint!
20:35Ah!
20:36Column!
20:37Column!
20:37Column!
20:38The mannequin!
20:39You put the thing at the circus that kids are afraid of.
20:45Opposite ends, so the thing that goes in the back,
20:47you put the thing that they have on churches.
20:50That's evil.
20:51Crucifix.
20:52It's evil.
20:53All good as hell, I reckon.
20:5620 seconds.
20:57How long have we got?
21:00Ten!
21:01You've got ten seconds.
21:02We've got ten minutes, Julian.
21:04No, ten seconds.
21:05Ten minutes.
21:05Ten seconds, Roger.
21:07Over.
21:08Right, our task is complete.
21:09I think you'll be very pleased.
21:11WHISTLE BLOWS
21:12Over!
21:13Sorry about your cough.
21:15You want to suck a fisherman's friend.
21:18Oh, Julian.
21:20APPLAUSE
21:26Lucy.
21:28I sometimes think that you're doing some of these tasks deliberately badly.
21:33For a large section of it, you didn't even press the walkie-talkies on you.
21:39So that people could hear you, but you did press the walkie-talkie when you had a coughing fit.
21:47Sam, I don't know how the hell you got to flamingos, given the description you were given,
21:51which was those two brightly coloured things they have in zoos.
21:54And you were flamingos.
21:57LAUGHTER
21:59That is, yeah, the mind is so, like, fascinating.
22:02Isn't it?
22:03LAUGHTER
22:06OK, thank you.
22:08LAUGHTER
22:08I do think that when Sue goes into action mode, she sounds like a Second World War fighter pilot.
22:15It's pickles. It's pure pickles.
22:16Yes, it's so in control.
22:18Except there was one moment that I just loved where panic set in and caused Susan to go,
22:25Don't panic.
22:27LAUGHTER
22:28It's funny, when I'm making notes watching these, sometimes I forget why I've written them.
22:31And I've, I've written down, erm, can I have a clip of Susan shouting tits?
22:37LAUGHTER
22:37How long have we got?
22:39WHISTLE BLOWS
22:40TITS!
22:47It was definitely worth hearing again.
22:51LAUGHTER
22:54So, how many words did they get wrong?
22:56Yes, there's a team of two, nine words wrong, the team of three, 27.
22:59LAUGHTER
23:00Why? Why? No.
23:02Yes, she said left once, front four times, back three times, duck once, right twice...
23:06No, that's...
23:06Right, again, eight more times, back five times, middle once, rug twice.
23:10They were on the board.
23:12They were all on the board.
23:14Those left and right, they were instructions I was giving them.
23:17Yes, exactly.
23:19LAUGHTER
23:20LAUGHTER
23:24This is a list of things you weren't allowed to say, Lucy.
23:28LAUGHTER
23:29LAUGHTER
23:32Look at it.
23:34LAUGHTER
23:34Look at it.
23:37You've got that in mind, Greg.
23:37I'm bearing it in mind.
23:39LAUGHTER
23:40So, we're going to see what they did.
23:42The real Gary's in the middle.
23:43You can see the mannequin represented in the bottom left.
23:46They're all right.
23:47They both did the pineapple.
23:48I think they genuinely did pretty well.
23:50They're pretty good.
23:51I've got it as a team of two, six things pretty much right.
23:53The team of three are getting seven things pretty much right.
23:56But they did keep saying all the words they weren't supposed to tell.
23:58So, if I penalised Lucy for saying all of those words,
24:00if I took a point off them, it would make that this was a tie.
24:04So, let's say three points each.
24:05Three points each!
24:07APPLAUSE
24:11Break time.
24:12Quick, hop onto Twitter and tell your followers
24:14that you're watching something on television.
24:16Feels like a good use of life, right?
24:18Wrong!
24:18Do something else.
24:20Live!
24:21APPLAUSE
24:31Oh, yeah!
24:33Hello again, it's part three of Taskmaster
24:36and there's a bozo next to me
24:37who's just desperate to say something trite
24:40before introducing the next task.
24:42Right, and now on to the next task,
24:45which really is head and shoulders above the rest.
24:52THEY ZINGS
24:53THEY ZINGS
25:07Susan! Hi.
25:08Ah, there you are...
25:11Radiating your usual charisma.
25:19Present a piece called Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.
25:24Knees and toes.
25:28Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
25:31Knees and toes.
25:32What do I say?
25:33Do you think you said that?
25:36Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
25:38Knees and toes.
25:39Knees and toes.
25:40Knees and toes.
25:41Knees and toes.
25:42Knees and toes.
25:44Most powerful piece wins.
25:47You have 20 minutes.
25:48Time starts now.
25:49You could do a very powerful piece.
25:52That's what we're hoping.
25:52If someone could.
25:54Probably not me.
25:55But did I...
25:56No.
25:57I could.
25:58Don't tell yourself that.
26:00When I was in Vietnam, I had to do an English class.
26:03The only thing I could think of was to teach them, like a nursery rhyme,
26:06Heads and shoulders, knees and toes.
26:08Knees and toes.
26:08What I didn't realise is, there were two kids at the back, and every time they bent down to do
26:13knees and toes, when they got up against your heads, they slammed their heads really hard on the desk.
26:18So part of me wants to do a powerful piece around how nursery rhymes can go very badly wrong.
26:24I would like A4 sheet of paper, A5 sheet of paper.
26:30Do you know which one A5 is?
26:31It's bigger than A4.
26:33Isn't it?
26:34No.
26:35I think that we can incorporate some drama.
26:39I went to drama school, so I should make use of that money that I spent.
26:42LAUGHTER
26:43She doesn't have any shoulders.
26:45No.
26:46She's got a head there.
26:48LAUGHTER
26:48Is it going to be a script?
26:50We'll play it the faster most.
26:52Michael E style.
26:53LAUGHTER
26:58So, I just need a knee and a shoulder and some toes.
27:02Yeah.
27:04LAUGHTER
27:10So, some great inspirational material that's going to lead to these performances.
27:15Three years in Radha?
27:16Whole three.
27:17How much did Radha cost you for three years?
27:19ÂŁ30,000 worth, yeah.
27:20ÂŁ30,000 for what we're about to see, yeah?
27:22Yeah.
27:23Just you wait.
27:25LAUGHTER
27:26Lovely that you've got the experience and you're going to put on the best show.
27:29Lovely that Sue's show is going to be based on having hurt some children in Vietnam.
27:33Yeah, literally unwittingly, but, yeah, it's cultural that you don't confront your senior,
27:38so they just kept doing it and hurting themselves because it would have been too rude to say,
27:43I'm walloping my head really badly with your weird English nursery rhyme.
27:49So, the first piece we're going to see is presented by Sam Campbell.
28:01Inspector.
28:04A ghastly business.
28:06I can't believe it.
28:09Some kind of insane maniac has killed my parents.
28:14They've decapitated them and hacked them apart.
28:18They've chopped off their heads.
28:20Their shoulders.
28:22Their knees and toes.
28:24Knees and toes.
28:26The security here is really good, but somehow they've...
28:31Some maniac, some fruitcake has come in and my beloved parents,
28:35they've chopped off their heads.
28:37Their shoulders.
28:39Their shoulders.
28:40Their knees.
28:41Their shoulders.
28:42Their shoulders.
28:44Their shoulders.
28:45Will you cut that out?
28:47Can't you see that I am in the throes of despair?
28:51Look.
28:52Look at what they've done.
28:53They've chopped off their heads.
28:56Their shoulders.
28:57Their knees and toes.
28:59They've chopped off their heads.
29:00They've chopped off their heads.
29:01They've chopped off their heads.
29:13They've chopped off their heads.
29:14They've chopped off their heads.
29:14They've chopped off their heads.
29:15They've chopped off their heads.
29:15They've chopped off their heads.
29:16They've chopped off their heads.
29:16They've chopped off their heads.
29:17They've chopped off their heads.
29:17They've chopped off their heads.
29:17They've chopped off their heads.
29:18They've chopped off their heads.
29:19They've chopped off their heads.
29:19They've chopped off their heads.
29:20They've chopped off their heads.
29:21They've chopped off their heads.
29:23They've chopped off their heads.
29:25They've chopped off their heads.
29:27They've chopped off their heads.
29:29Well, at midnight, you'd ring the police, but he is the police.
29:35I'm off to a strong style.
29:36Right, next up, two presentations in one.
29:39It's Julian and Susan.
29:43Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
29:53Hello, Julian. Oh, hello.
29:55This is the best paper I could find.
29:57So it's going to be powerful, is it?
29:58I think so. I'm quite confident that it will.
30:01Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
30:06Head, shoulders, knees and toes.
30:10No-one wants yellow, do they, in an artwork?
30:14Really?
30:15There are some nice pictures with yellow in.
30:17It's a matter of opinion.
30:19OK.
30:19Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
30:23Silence!
30:29So, do you do comedy?
30:31I've tried, yeah.
30:34Sometimes sing in a band, Julian.
30:36Do you?
30:36Mm.
30:37What sort of music?
30:39Sometimes it's jazz.
30:40Jazz brings me out in hives.
30:42I know, me too.
30:43I know, me too.
30:44Shoulders, knees and toes.
30:47Shoulders, shoulders, shoulders.
30:49Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go.
30:51Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go.
30:54Hands!
30:58Shoulders!
31:03Knees!
31:29All right, I'm thrilled.
31:32Me too.
31:33Good luck with your career.
31:36Such as it is.
31:46It was 30 grand, yeah?
31:49Yeah.
31:52No, come on.
31:53It was avant-garde.
31:54It was French cinema.
31:56It was.
31:57It was, you know, it...
31:58It was imagery galore.
32:00Loads.
32:00It was a comment on the death penalty.
32:02Was it?
32:03Yeah.
32:03And you thought the most powerful way of representing that would be with a duck?
32:07We're not going literal.
32:09And what is the comment on the death penalty?
32:12Er, that it's bad.
32:16I'm fine.
32:17I'm fine.
32:19So, Julian, as far as I can work out, sat making withering comments toward you about your lack
32:24of talent and then drew something, but I didn't see what he drew.
32:27Great.
32:27So, this is Julian's powerful piece, head, shoulders, knees and toes.
32:38What is it, Julian?
32:39I just bothered with the bits in question, head, shoulders, knees and toes, so...
32:44You bothered with them in what sense?
32:45I mean, in that you labelled them.
32:48And I...
32:48Well, I didn't bother with arms because they weren't in the...
32:53Brief.
32:54...task brief.
32:55No, it wasn't head, shoulders, knees, arms and toes.
32:56Yeah.
32:57We've all known someone who looks like that.
32:59Yeah?
33:00Who's the person that you know that looks like that?
33:02Er, my nana.
33:05When she didn't have a teeth in...
33:07LAUGHTER
33:10And this piece is powerful because...
33:13Well, it's...
33:14Is it anti-death penalty?
33:17It's anti-a lot of things.
33:19LAUGHTER
33:20I'm just struggling for where the power is.
33:23I like it.
33:24I like it.
33:25That's the power.
33:27LAUGHTER
33:29OK, do you want to see a health and safety presentation?
33:32Oh, at last.
33:34Good.
33:34Well, here's one.
33:35Let's go.
33:35Via Sue Perkins.
33:39Nursery rhymes are a dangerous source of head trauma.
33:41Just ask Jack and Jill, Humpty Dumpty,
33:44and the old man who went to bed and bumped his head
33:46and couldn't get up in the morning.
33:47This...
33:48This guy...
33:49That's what happens when you recklessly attempt a nursery rhyme.
33:53But...
33:54There's another way.
33:55Here at Perkins and Perkins,
33:57we supply ready-prepared safety equipment for all eventualities.
34:02Like...
34:02This guy.
34:06Be less this guy,
34:07and more this guy.
34:09Be better.
34:10Be Perkins and Perkins.
34:12And don't let a rhyme stop you in your prime.
34:17APPLAUSE
34:22For the confirmation that, as if we needed it,
34:24that you were born in the wrong era.
34:26LAUGHTER
34:27It's so 50, isn't it?
34:29I really liked it.
34:30It sort of belonged in the cinema when we were kids.
34:32Remember the guy dressed as Death?
34:34It was terrifying.
34:35Donald Pleasant's going,
34:36Don't swim here, you'll drown.
34:38Oh, no.
34:38And then we're just children falling to their death.
34:42It's a little traumatising.
34:44It's awful.
34:44You kids don't know how lucky you've got it these days with adverts.
34:47Oh, buy a...train?
34:49LAUGHTER
34:50LAUGHTER
34:52Right, join us after the break
34:54for today's final chapter,
34:56where the winner will stand alone on the stage
34:58celebrating their victory
34:59with some squirty cream and horn,
35:01and some broken glass.
35:03Woo-hoo!
35:04It's prime time!
35:06APPLAUSE
35:14Another day!
35:15It's part four of four,
35:17and we're in the thick of a task
35:19based on heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
35:21Knees and toes.
35:22We've had a painting,
35:23two theatrical pieces,
35:24and a health and safety demonstration.
35:26Finally, here is something macabre
35:28from Lucy Beaumont.
35:29WHISTLE BLOWS
35:37Brother Alex,
35:39I am bored.
35:41PHONE RINGS
35:43Can we play a little game?
35:47Ha!
35:50So done.
35:53Oh, little lizard.
35:55Oh, so funny tattoo.
35:57Hmm?
35:58These tattoos from the 1990s.
36:07Shoulders.
36:09Knees.
36:10Oh, little poli.
36:13Use a cluster on that.
36:15Knees and...
36:19Toes.
36:20No!
36:20Yeah!
36:22Aaaaah!
36:25Mommy!
36:26Oh!
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