00:06¶¶
00:30The Everything I Love Burrito, 10 Chapters Extra Cursed
00:35Chapter 1, The Recipe
00:38It started with a Sharpie and a pack of Mission 12-inch
00:44I laid the first tortilla on the kitchen table at 1.44am
00:51Because that's when the apartment gets honest
00:56Wrote small, like I was afraid the words would hear me
01:01Mom's laugh
01:02The smell after rain
01:05That one dog I saw in 2019
01:08Outside the 7-Eleven
01:11The one with one blue eye
01:15Your voicemail from Tuesday
01:178.02pm
01:21Where you say call me back
01:23And then breathe for three seconds
01:26The ink didn't dry
01:28It wept into the flour
01:31The edges of the tortilla
01:34Curled up like it was cradling the words
01:38Or like it was trying to crawl away from them
01:41I told myself
01:43Love should stain
01:44The tortilla agreed
01:47It left a damp, human-shaped ring
01:50On the table that was gone by morning
01:55But the table still smells like my third birthday
01:59If you press your ear to it
02:01I peeled the nutrition label
02:04Off the tortilla package
02:05It rewrote itself while I watched
02:09Serving size
02:11One human
02:12Ingredients
02:14Love
02:16Loss
02:16Flour
02:17The way you say my name
02:19Preservatives
02:20My dad's hands
02:22Warning
02:23May cause
02:24Spontaneous confession
02:26Do not operate
02:28Family relationships
02:30After consuming
02:31That night
02:33I dreamed of a flour mill
02:35Running backwards
02:36Unmaking wheat
02:38And I woke up with dough
02:41Under my fingernails
02:43Chapter 2
02:44The First Fold
02:46Rule 1
02:47Warm it or it tears
02:49I forgot
02:51I tried to fold my childhood bedroom
02:54Into a cold tortilla
02:57The moment the drywall dust touched flour
03:01The whole thing seized
03:04The tortilla screamed
03:06Not a metaphor scream
03:08A scream
03:10Age 8
03:11The night
03:13I realized the closet
03:14Didn't lock from the inside
03:16The sound shattered a glass
03:19In the sink
03:20After that
03:22I used the microwave
03:2315 seconds
03:26The tortilla went soft
03:28And pliant
03:30And a little sweaty
03:32Like it was nervous for me
03:34The way you say my name
03:36Slid in
03:37Without a fight
03:39It landed on the tortilla
03:41And made a tiny dent
03:43Like a body in a mattress
03:46The tortilla sighed
03:48I'm 90% sure it was my sigh
03:52Just on delay
03:54I got clever
03:56I got clever
03:57Tried to make a second burrito
03:59The things I can live without burrito
04:03Small talk
04:05Dentist appointments
04:06The color beige
04:08My ex's Spotify playlists
04:11My ex's Spotify playlists
04:12It refused to roll
04:14Every fold undid itself
04:17And whispered
04:19We know what you really keep under the sink
04:22In my fourth grade handwriting
04:25By morning
04:26By morning
04:27It was gone
04:28And the real burrito
04:30Burped up a dentist appointment card
04:33For next Tuesday
04:35The dentist is me
04:37Chapter 3
04:39Protein
04:40Every burrito needs protein
04:43Or it's just a sadness wrap
04:46I'd been saving my dad's hands
04:49Kept them in the crisper drawer
04:53Wrapped in paper towels
04:54Like good deli meat
04:57They still had motor oil
04:59In the nail beds
05:00And a callus
05:03From the steering wheel
05:04Of the truck
05:05He sold
05:06In 13
05:08When I laid them
05:10On the first snow of winter
05:12The snow didn't melt
05:14It climbed the fingers
05:17The tortilla underneath
05:19Went taut
05:20And then
05:21Thump
05:22Thump
05:23It didn't have a heart
05:26But it rented mine
05:27One two
05:29One two
05:31My chest
05:33And the counter
05:34Synchronized
05:35Tortilla cam from that night
05:37Shows the inside
05:39Dark
05:40Wet
05:41My grandma's lullaby
05:44Humming to the first snow of winter
05:46So it'll stop shivering
05:49Your sleeping face rolls past
05:52Blinking Morse code
05:54Let me out
05:56But the O is mom's laugh
05:58The walls are made of Tuesdays
06:02They're chewing
06:03Chapter 4
06:05Midnight Cravings
06:072.17am
06:10Every night on the dot
06:12The fridge door would shudder
06:15Not a rattle
06:17A thump
06:18Like someone inside
06:20Was checking their watch
06:21If I didn't open it
06:24The burrito would start reciting my passwords
06:27Not in order
06:29It liked the ones I used
06:32For things
06:33I was ashamed of
06:35So I fed it
06:37Your old t-shirts
06:39The sound of my cat purring
06:43Tuesdays
06:44It preferred Tuesdays
06:46Lightly toasted
06:48If I tried to skip a night
06:50It would slide a cold tortilla edge
06:54Under the door like a note
06:56The note always said
06:59I'm still hungry
07:01In my handwriting
07:02From fourth grade
07:04Last week
07:06I found teeth marks
07:08In the butter
07:08My teeth
07:10But whiter
07:12More
07:13Chapter 5
07:15The guac incident
07:17I thought I was clever
07:19I'd add boundaries
07:21Like guacamole
07:23Green healthy
07:24Keeps things separate
07:26I mashed them up with lime
07:29And a little denial
07:31And spread them on
07:33The burrito went still
07:35For ten whole seconds
07:37Then it turned the exact color
07:40Of hospital lighting
07:42And lunged
07:44It didn't bite my arm
07:46It bit through my arm
07:49And took the memory
07:51Of the bite with it
07:52Now there's a scar on my palm
07:55A crescent of teeth
07:57I counted
08:00Seventeen
08:00I only have fifteen
08:03The extra two
08:05Are smaller
08:06Like they're still growing
08:08I asked it why
08:10It unrolled one corner
08:13Just enough to make a mouth
08:16And inside
08:18Was my reflection
08:19My reflection
08:21Was on its knees
08:23Chewing my reflection's reflection
08:26It said
08:28You don't get to have sides
08:30Chapter 6
08:31Customer complaints
08:33The building group chat
08:35Started with
08:37Anyone else smell pennies
08:39Then who's playing that song
08:41At 3am
08:42The song
08:44Was my grandma's lullaby
08:46She died in 2011
08:49She was off-key
08:51In a way that meant
08:52You were safe
08:53The burrito
08:55Was off-key
08:56In a way that meant
08:58You weren't
08:58The landlord
09:00Knocked
09:01He was a nice man
09:03Had a photo of his kids
09:05In his wallet
09:06And a stain
09:08On his tie
09:09Shaped
09:10Like Texas
09:11The burrito
09:12Heard the knock
09:14And rolled itself
09:15Under the bed
09:16When the landlord
09:18Looked
09:19It was pretending
09:21To be my forgotten dreams
09:22All soft
09:24And dusty
09:25And apologetic
09:27He said
09:29You should open
09:30A window sometimes
09:31He left
09:33Two days later
09:35I got a padded envelope
09:37No return address
09:40Inside
09:41His left shoe
09:43Still warm
09:44With the smell
09:46After rain
09:47Laced through the eyelids
09:48He hasn't answered
09:50His phone since
09:51His kids
09:53Still send him drawings
09:55The burrito
09:57Hangs them
09:58On the inside
09:59Of the fridge
10:00Chapter 7
10:02Dine-in only
10:04I got brave
10:05Brought in friends
10:07For a taste test
10:09Had to see
10:11If it was just me
10:12Jenna tried a bite
10:14Said it tasted like
10:17The moment
10:18You realize a memory
10:20Was actually
10:21A dream
10:22She hasn't dreamed since
10:24Her grocery lists
10:27Are just the word
10:29Flower now
10:30Marcus wouldn't bite
10:32Said the burrito
10:34Was staring back
10:35Using his eyes
10:37From 10th grade
10:38He left his phone
10:41The lock screen
10:43Is a photo
10:44Of the inside
10:45Of my fridge
10:47He doesn't
10:48Remember taking it
10:49You, the burrito
10:51Insists you were here
10:53It can describe
10:55Your shoes
10:56After they left
10:58I took it to the park
11:00At noon
11:01Sunlight hit the foil
11:03And the burrito
11:04Screamed
11:05That 8-year-old scream
11:07But now
11:09It had reverb
11:10It unrolled
11:12On the grass
11:13The birthday party
11:15I loved
11:16When I was 6
11:17Tumbled out
11:186 of me
11:20All 6 years old
11:23Crying sprinkles
11:25The cake
11:26Was my face
11:27A real kid asked
11:30Is that God
11:31The burrito
11:33Used mom's laugh
11:35To say yes
11:36The kid nodded
11:38And gave the burrito
11:40His name
11:41He hasn't used it since
11:43Chapter 8
11:45Extra hot sauce
11:47This is where I messed up
11:49For real
11:50I loved you too much
11:52That's not a lyric
11:54It's a health code
11:56Violation
11:57I folded in your
11:59Sleeping face
12:00Not a photo
12:02The actual moment
12:043
12:0506 AM
12:08Last Thursday
12:09Your eyelashes
12:10The way your mouth
12:13Goes soft
12:13When you're not
12:14Performing consciousness
12:16The burrito
12:18Went critical
12:19The floorboards
12:21Started doing
12:22Your heartbeat
12:22Thud
12:24Thud
12:24Thud
12:25My apartment
12:27Is a second
12:28Ribcage now
12:29At night
12:30I wake up
12:31On the kitchen tile
12:33My hands
12:34Are red
12:35The sink drain
12:37Plays your voicemail
12:38From Tuesday
12:39But it's always
12:41Tuesday
12:41In the drain
12:43Always 8
12:440
12:452 PM
12:46Always 3 seconds
12:49Of breath
12:49After
12:50I tried to take
12:52Your face
12:52Back out
12:53The burrito
12:55Let me
12:55It gave me
12:57A Polaroid
12:58Instead
12:58The photo
13:00Is of me
13:01Holding a burrito
13:03Holding me
13:04We're all asleep
13:06Chapter 9
13:07The health inspector
13:09I broke
13:11Called someone
13:13Might have been
13:14A priest
13:15Might have been
13:16The guy
13:17Who fixes
13:17The boiler
13:19Might have been
13:20Me
13:20From next year
13:21He showed up
13:23Wearing a name tag
13:24That said
13:25Hello
13:25I'm
13:26Too late
13:27He opened
13:29The fridge
13:29The burrito
13:31Had upgraded
13:32It was wearing
13:34My skin now
13:35But inside out
13:37All my moles
13:39Were on the outside
13:40Like buttons
13:41All the things
13:43I loved
13:44Were embroidered
13:45Into it
13:46Like scout badges
13:48The smell
13:49After rain
13:50Moldy
13:52At the edges
13:53That one dog
13:55From 2019
13:57It's one blue eye
13:59Sewn on
13:59With dental floss
14:01Still watching
14:03Your old t-shirts
14:05They spelled out
14:07My social security number
14:09When you read the stains
14:11The inspector sighed
14:14Said
14:15Ma'am
14:15This is a you problem
14:17The burrito
14:19Disagreed
14:20It opened
14:22Gentle
14:22Like a hug
14:24And the inspector
14:25Stepped in
14:26He folded himself
14:28At the knees
14:29And the elbows
14:31Like he'd been practicing
14:33The burrito
14:35Burped
14:36His wedding ring
14:38Rolled across
14:39The linoleum
14:40And stopped
14:42At my foot
14:43It was still warm
14:45It was still him
14:47Chapter 10
14:48Leftovers
14:50You can't throw it away
14:52There is no away
14:54There is no away
14:55I tried
14:56Took it to the dumpster
14:59The dumpster
15:00Was already full of Tuesdays
15:03I tried the river
15:05The river gave it back
15:07And apologized
15:09Now it's in the walls
15:11It's in the grout
15:13It's in the fillings of my teeth
15:16I floss
15:17And get flour
15:19Last night
15:21I tried to say
15:22I'm sorry to you
15:24I opened my mouth
15:26And mom's laugh came out
15:29But reversed
15:30Like a tape
15:32Rewinding through a throat
15:34The burrito's done
15:36Eating what I love
15:38That was appetizer
15:40Now it's eating the part of me
15:43That does the loving
15:44It started with the word enough
15:48I reached for it
15:49This morning
15:51And my tongue
15:52Found a raw tortilla
15:54Where the word used to be
15:56If you're reading this
15:58And it's 2
15:5917 a.m.
16:02And you hear a thump
16:03From your kitchen
16:05Don't check
16:06I'm not in the fridge
16:09But everything
16:10I ever loved is
16:12And it learned
16:13How to swallow
16:14From me
16:16And it just
16:17Remembered your name
16:18And if you listen
16:20Real close to the drain
16:21You'll hear it say
16:23Hey
16:25Thanks for reading
16:27Check your own fridge
16:55And I'll see you in the fridge
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