- 2 weeks ago
Best Medicine - Season 1 - Episode 06: Eyewitness Blues
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TVTranscript
00:11Oh
00:18Are you insane
00:36Elaine I've been attacked that gang of lunatics were shooting blueberries at me
00:42Elaine Denton reporting live from port when inside the offices of doc martin
00:49Victim whatever that is we don't have time for it, okay?
00:52We have a packed schedule and I need you to secure the perimeter unaware that his first patient was already
00:58in the exam room
00:59Doc martin was apparently also unaware of the fact that this weekend is the annual blueberry festival
01:07A tragic turn of events for a tragic man named doc martin who was a doctor
01:20I just love the blueberry festival the street fair the tarts the pies stop talking and open your mouth
01:28I'm gonna be getting in the vat and stomping blueberries to make wine not with this foot fungus. You're not
01:34I'm deathly allergic to blueberries, but I want to eat like a lot of pie
01:38So can you give me a pill that makes it okay?
01:40Yes, of course really
01:42No
01:43That way
01:45All right elaine we only have five minutes for lunch. Why don't you go out and get where is everyone?
01:51Faced with an empty waiting room doc martin finally had room
01:55To feel empty will you stop with that voice have to get this reporter thing right?
02:00I'm covering the blueberry festival on my live stream. I want it to look professional and dressing up as newscaster
02:05smurf screams professional
02:07We have eight patients this afternoon and my aunt's supposed to be next. Where is she?
02:12Yeah, everybody cancelled
02:14No one is going to the doctor on a friday afternoon during the blueberry festival
02:19Actually shouldn't you be getting ready to ready for what you're gonna be a judge in the big blueberry pie
02:23contest tomorrow
02:24Oh, no, I'm not. Okay, but you are because dr. Reese was always a judge. Yeah, but I'm not dr.
02:29Reese
02:29I am here with a local old old man who is disoriented and confused
02:36He thinks that he can ignore one of our most beloved traditions beloved traditions
02:40Please you people would throw a parade at a new stoplight. I'm not a pie judge. I'm a physician. Where
02:46are you going?
02:47I'm going to see my next scheduled patient more on this developing story as it develops reporting alive from over
02:54here by my desk
02:55I am elaine denton for eyewitness blues
03:00That was it that was it
03:03Okay, all the festival booths. Yep, they're going right there and uh, oh, yeah
03:11All right now doc all right now
03:18Hey, good morning got some for you see you at the pie contest judge martin
03:32Okay, okay in the dunk tank. It's going right over there. Yeah, oh, please sorry. Give me a second
03:41This
03:50Stop following me just go away put that down. It's not mine
03:55shoo
04:02Well
04:03Good morning to you
04:04Good morning perfect weather for the festival wouldn't you say hmm?
04:10Well, you seem to be taking it very seriously
04:13My favorite time of year when doesn't all that bother your skin or your eyelids all that face paint face
04:18paint
04:20What face paint
04:27expansion
04:27Oh
04:27Oh
04:27Oh
04:27Oh
04:27Oh
04:27Oh
04:27Oh
05:44So wash your hands.
05:46Honestly.
05:50You know, they've asked me to be a judge at the pie contest with you, and I said yes.
05:57I thought that that would be fun.
06:00I hear that Elizabeth Evans is making some kind of blueberry meringue or something like
06:08that.
06:09Are you really taking all these medications?
06:11Well, two of them are for my high blood pressure, and the rest are, I don't know.
06:15Osteoporosis, acid reflux, high cholesterol.
06:18Good God, woman.
06:19You're a ticking time bomb.
06:21And this fried fish for lunch isn't helping the situation either.
06:26Have you thought about getting some exercise, maybe some leafy greens in your diet?
06:28Dr. Reese told me to avoid the leafy greens because they might interact badly with my blood thinner,
06:34and I might pass out or something.
06:36And kale tastes like crap.
06:38There's a new medication on the market that won't have those complications.
06:40I'll write you a prescription.
06:42In the meantime, we're going to have a chat about skipping medical appointments at your advanced
06:46age.
06:47If you're going to continue to play doctor, I don't want to eat lunch with you, so get
06:49out.
06:50Just go.
06:51And see at the pie contest.
06:53I'm not judging the pie contest.
06:55Fine, then I won't see you at all.
07:02Fried fish is delicious.
07:19Oh, Judge Martin, what do you prefer?
07:22Blakey pie crust or puffy?
07:24You lost me at Judge.
07:25Judge Martin, do you enjoy a latticework topping?
07:29I don't trust myself to do a leaf pattern.
07:31I'm not judging the pie contest.
07:33Oh, Martin, hello.
07:35Where are you headed?
07:36Well, I'm on my way for some lunch, but it seems like blueberry mania swallowed this town
07:40whole.
07:40Right, well, that time of year.
07:42Which reminds me, I've been wondering, um, if you happen to like cinnamon?
07:46I'm scared to ask, but why are we talking about spices?
07:48Or maybe vanilla?
07:49Or caramel.
07:50Little ribbons of caramel wrapping gently around your taste buds.
07:53Oh, no, Louisa, not you too.
07:55I'm sorry, I'm not going to be judging the pie contest.
07:57I guess I'm just another desperate pie baker looking for an edge.
08:00You've all lost your minds.
08:01Maybe, but this is a big deal in a small town.
08:03I mean, it's nice, it's tradition, it's competitive.
08:06Yeah, it's also high in fat and sugar.
08:08Yeah, but first place is a little blue crown.
08:09Um, but Barry Hammers always wins, always.
08:12He always takes first, always.
08:13No, the real competition in Portland is for second.
08:15Oh, wait.
08:17What about ginger, you know?
08:18I mean, that's an interesting combination, right?
08:21With the blueberries?
08:22Oh, Louisa, Louisa, Louisa.
08:23I am not going to be judging them.
08:25Judge Martin, did these berries refresh you?
08:26Am I crazy if I had meant to my pie?
08:27No, no, no, listen up, everyone.
08:29I am the town doctor, and my only concern is your health.
08:32So you can skip your appointments and ignore your well-being,
08:35but I will not be deciding the winner of your ridiculous contest,
08:39because I don't care.
08:49Consider the ginger.
08:51Talk about it later.
08:58Delighted to have you in for lunch, doctor?
09:00It was either this or be force-fed blueberries in the parking lot.
09:03I want to take the garden salad with chicken, please.
09:06Unfortunately, we don't have the garden salad today.
09:09I am so sorry.
09:10All right.
09:10Uh, steamed fish.
09:11No, not that either.
09:13Shepherd's pie, then.
09:14Mmm, wouldn't that be lovely?
09:15We're out of that one, too.
09:17What do you have in the kitchen?
09:24Today, in the kitchen, we have Greg.
09:29It's this pie contest madness.
09:31Oh, no.
09:31Oh, no.
09:32Every year, he decides that he's the chef,
09:34that he can cook,
09:35and yet...
09:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
09:38I killed the stove!
09:39I swear I did!
09:41It's not fair!
09:43I'm not allowed in there.
09:45I'm a pie contest judge.
09:47Conflict of interest.
09:48And yes, I heard that you stepped down from your post.
09:50God knows who they're going to get to replace you.
09:53It's going to be a long weekend.
09:56But we still might have one last tuna salad in the back fridge.
10:00I hate mayonnaise.
10:01Aw, beggars can't be choosers.
10:03I'll go check.
10:07Tuna salad is delicious.
10:09Lots of mayonnaise.
10:19I'm sorry.
10:20I...
10:20You...
10:22I have to ask.
10:24You're blue.
10:27All of you.
10:28And no makeup.
10:29You're just...
10:30blue.
10:32It's because of all the blueberries I eat.
10:34Are you joking?
10:39You're not.
10:40Oh, no, you can't be serious.
10:42Blueberries wouldn't...
10:47Y'all, that's on me, y'all.
10:49I'm so sorry.
10:50Totally...
10:50Totally my fault.
10:51I just couldn't see it because of my eyes.
10:54Let's have a look.
10:55Doc.
10:55Touch your head back.
10:56Okay.
10:56I think everything's fine.
10:57It's just allergies happens every year.
10:59Yeah.
10:59How about you let me make the diagnosis and you stick to being an idiot?
11:02Seems fair.
11:03All right.
11:03You need to come to my office.
11:04I can't, Doc.
11:05I got to go set up the dunk tank.
11:06Yes, I suppose a dunk tank is more important than you going blind.
11:09Come on, this way.
11:10Okay.
11:13No, this way.
11:14The other way, Mark.
11:16This way.
11:19Ha!
11:20Ha-ha.
11:22Yes.
11:26It's ready.
11:27Okay, that's good.
11:28So just, like, keep my face in frame all the time.
11:31Yes.
11:31Like, I'll stay, but...
11:32Is it like a day?
11:34Go, go!
11:35Shoo!
11:35You know they replaced you on the judging panel with Bert.
11:39Ooh, big mistake.
11:39You do not want to give my dad that much power.
11:42Power?
11:42It's a pie contest.
11:44Oh, come on, Doc.
11:46You know how everything here is just so nice and people are so sweet?
11:49We just need one day a year to be, like, really competitive and vicious.
11:53Like the Purge, but with blueberries.
11:56All right.
11:56Well, the eye drops and the warm compress should help your eyes some,
12:00but I strongly suspect you have writer's syndrome.
12:02Really?
12:03Mm-hmm.
12:03I haven't written anything all week.
12:05Maybe a parking ticket and in my dream journal.
12:08R-E...
12:09Writer's syndrome.
12:10Is it painful to urinate, Mark?
12:13Typically, people suffering from writers can't see, can't pee, and can't climb a tree due to untreated chlamydia.
12:19Chlamydia.
12:20Chlamydia.
12:21The STD chlamydia?
12:23Yes.
12:24How many sexual partners have you had since your breakup with Louisa?
12:28I don't know, like four, five, eight, I think nine.
12:36My friend Gretchen?
12:38Ten.
12:38Debbie?
12:39Eleven.
12:42Doc!
12:42Come on, Doc, you know what it's like, big man, small pond, all the fish jumping into my net.
12:50You get it?
12:51Yeah, I'd rather not.
12:52So you need to notify each of your sexual partners of their exposure.
12:56Wait, Doc, notify them?
12:58Like, tell them that I might have given them that they might have chlamydia?
13:02Exactly.
13:03And this will clear up the infection.
13:05Prescription for doxycycline.
13:06Wait, no, wait, Doc, Doc, wait.
13:08So, like, a prescription that I need to, like, go get filled?
13:13Yes.
13:13I assume you know how these things work.
13:15Elaine, I'm going out to get some food, and nothing is going to stop me.
13:21Okay.
13:21I guess I have to...
13:22Somebody's got to pick up meds from their mommy.
13:25Shut up, Al.
13:45Yes, sir.
13:47That's Barry Hammers.
13:50That's our Blueberry.
13:51Get it?
13:52Blueberry?
13:53It's your coffee, Judge Large.
13:54No charge, of course.
13:57And he's the one who wins first place in the pie contest every year?
14:00Him?
14:00Yeah.
14:00Yeah, he's basically the Blueberry Festival mascot.
14:04A master baker, and he's blue.
14:06That's because year in, year out, all he eats is...
14:08No, that's ridiculous.
14:09You could eat every blueberry on the planet, it wouldn't turn you blue.
14:11You know, I turned orange when I was on that carrot diet.
14:14It's not the same thing, Bert.
14:15Tell that to blueberry.
14:16Judge Large, almost done with your complimentary oil change.
14:20Ah, thanks, Billy.
14:21And hey, tell the missus I'd love to get my backyard weeded.
14:25No, there must be something wrong with him.
14:26Some condition.
14:28And he's using a...
14:29Leave him alone, Doc.
14:30Poor old Blueberry.
14:32He lives a hell of a lot better now than when we were in high school.
14:36Scaryberry.
14:37He was a real fright back then.
14:39Scaryberry?
14:39Why did they call him that?
14:41Well, hey, Bert, your car's all done.
14:44Excuse me.
14:45Bye business.
14:48Hey, Billy, how's the bacon coming?
14:51You know, is the bottom still soggy?
14:56Oh, Martin, hi.
14:58I've been looking for you.
14:59I just wanted to apologize for being so forward about the pie contest earlier.
15:02I just think that maybe my ambition got the best of me.
15:05Why is this contest so important to you?
15:07Oh, well, um, I've always loved to bake.
15:10And in the past, I couldn't really try my best because I couldn't outshine Sally, my future mother-in-law,
15:17former future mother-in-law.
15:19I always had to wallow in third place and let her take second year after year.
15:23But now, the gloves are off.
15:25You know, I'm not with Mark anymore, and I've got a brand new baking trick up my sleeve, and I
15:31don't know, I just feel like maybe if I could just bust out of third place, that maybe I could
15:34get everyone to see me in a new light.
15:36You know how small towns can put you in a box, give you a label?
15:39You're the spinster.
15:40You're the idiot.
15:41You're the grump.
15:42Hi, Judge.
15:43Exactly.
15:47And you?
15:50You're the...
15:51Heartbreaker.
15:57Well, it does seem like a colossal waste of time, energy, and food, but I suppose these little contests do
16:05help to distract people from the dreary realities of living in a dead-end town.
16:11Well, thank you for that.
16:13But this contest actually really means something to me.
16:17You know, especially this year when I'm trying to prove to myself, actually, that I can be more than I
16:23thought I could.
16:32Now, listen, Johnny.
16:34I let you off the hook last week twice because you were filling mailboxes with fish heads.
16:38All right?
16:38No.
16:39So you're going to do this for me, okay?
16:41Here.
16:41Dude.
16:42This is crazy.
16:44Your name's on the prescription.
16:46The pharmacist is your mom.
16:47Okay, but she's really busy, and she may not notice, okay?
16:50Here.
16:50Come on.
16:51Give you my handcuffs.
16:52I'm just going to do it.
16:56Your eyes look super grody.
16:57Shut up, Johnny.
16:59Huh?
17:00Yeah.
17:02You little baby bike.
17:05Sally.
17:06What's supposed to go right here?
17:08Oh, what's for my next trophy, of course.
17:12Oh, but you're a judge this year.
17:13We should not be talking about the pie contest.
17:15Okay, here.
17:16Let me ring you up.
17:19With a new prescription that is $127.90.
17:23What?
17:25$127 a month?
17:27What the hell?
17:28Well, it's this new blood thinner that Dr. Best puts you on.
17:30It's very pricey.
17:32No, no, no.
17:33I'll just stick to the old one.
17:34I'm not paying that.
17:35Well, you do have one refill left.
17:37Should I call Dr. Best to make sure it's okay?
17:39No, no.
17:40I'm keeping him out of my personal health issues from now on.
17:44He comes to lunch and brings a stethoscope.
17:46Ooh.
17:47Is it cold on your skin?
17:48I bet Dr. Best has very warm hands.
17:51Sally.
17:52He's my nephew.
17:54All right.
17:56$21.45 then.
17:58Okay.
17:59Oh, hi, honey.
18:00What brings you in?
18:02Oh, hey.
18:02Hey, ma.
18:04I can't really talk right now.
18:05I have this developing crime situation down on Lincoln.
18:07I just need to fill this prescript real fast.
18:10No biggie.
18:11No diggity.
18:15Did Louisa do this to you?
18:16No, ma.
18:17Stop.
18:18What is it?
18:18No.
18:19Gonorrhea?
18:20Syphilis?
18:20The big H?
18:21The little H?
18:22No, no.
18:23It has nothing like that.
18:25And Louisa has nothing to do with it.
18:29It's...
18:30It's...
18:34It's chlamydia.
18:35Chlamydia?
18:36Well, that's not so bad.
18:38Everybody's had chlamydia, sweetheart.
18:40At least it's not the crabs.
18:42Crabs are so much worse.
18:44Looking down and seeing those little monsters snapping at you.
18:47Who gave this to you?
18:48Was it that Gretchen?
18:50Elaine's friend?
18:50The one with the face?
18:52They all have faces.
18:53Oh, yeah.
18:53Sounds right.
18:54She's awful.
18:55No.
18:56I don't know.
18:57I don't know.
18:58Honey, relax.
18:59You're a single man now.
19:01Something like this was bound to happen.
19:04I'm actually proud of you.
19:06Sewing your wild oats.
19:08And until this antibiotic kicks in, a good place to dip your doinker for a few minutes every night is
19:13a nice cold glass of 7-Up.
19:16Mom, stop.
19:17Oh, really?
19:19Yeah, honey.
19:22Something about the bubbles.
19:49It's better.
19:50It's just not even some kind of...
19:52Ah!
19:53You're not supposed to be here.
19:54I'm still getting ready for tomorrow.
19:56I'm so sorry.
19:57Should I come back at a better time?
19:58Yeah, actually.
19:59This is a mess.
20:01Al can't be my cameraman anymore.
20:02He has to run the dunk tank tomorrow at the street fair.
20:05What are you doing here?
20:07I'm looking to see if Dr. Reese ever treated Barry Hammers.
20:11I need to understand why that man is blue.
20:14Something could actually be wrong with him.
20:15A whole half day off and you can't stop doctoring.
20:18I'm not going to find any files on there for Barry Hammers.
20:20I'm not?
20:21Blueberry?
20:22He was never a patient here.
20:23Like, ever.
20:24Someone actually told me...
20:26Was it Irma?
20:27I think it was Irma.
20:28Was it Irma?
20:29I don't know if it was Irma specifically.
20:31Irregard...
20:31Told you what?
20:32Irma says that Blueberry had some kind of horrible medical condition when he was in high school.
20:39He had to be seen by some specialist in Bar Harbor.
20:41A specialist?
20:41Yeah.
20:41Okay, listen, listen.
20:43You're going to be my cameraman tomorrow at the festival.
20:46Oh.
20:47I most certainly will not be doing that.
20:49Al is out.
20:50You're the only option that I have left.
20:52And I'm covering the festival from 9 a.m. to midnight tomorrow, so please wear some comfortable shoes.
20:56Not these.
20:57For the last time, I will not be attending or participating in this godforsaken festival.
21:07What?
21:08What?
21:09What is this look?
21:11No, I just...
21:14I would just like to remind you that there are certain things that I'm doing.
21:20Certain blood things that I am doing for you.
21:25Things that I may not want to do, but that I do anyway.
21:29So, maybe you could do something for me that you don't want to do.
21:36This is blackmail.
21:38You are blackmailing me.
21:41And remember, this is the good side of my face.
21:49Doc Martin and Elaine's office.
21:51How can I help you today?
21:54Oh, yes.
21:55Okay.
21:56Yes.
21:58The doctor is needed at the salty breeze.
22:00Somebody has burned their hand.
22:04And I will see you tomorrow at the blueberry festival at 9 a.m. live from Port Wynn.
22:11Have a safe evening.
22:14And good night.
22:16He's been baking around the clock, not sleeping, not being careful.
22:20It'll be fine, but what isn't fine is people getting injured because of a pie contest.
22:27No, you can't wrap it up too much.
22:28I need my hand all day tomorrow.
22:30I have to bake.
22:30Do you hear what you're saying?
22:32I have to bake.
22:33You're having a nervous breakdown over a pie contest.
22:35I have to bake.
22:36Greg, honey, this pie contest is giving you an anxiety attack.
22:40I want it to be worth it if I win.
22:42No.
22:43All year long, all I hear about is George's lobster rolls and George's chowder.
22:48People just see me as the money guy.
22:50Some silent partner.
22:52George's less creative other half, but I'm more than that.
22:56Can't you just give him a sedative?
22:58Everyone in this town needs a sedative.
23:00I can't win the pie contest.
23:04Barry will win.
23:05Barry always wins.
23:08But for once, I'd like to just place second, third, honorable mention, tardist filling.
23:14It would prove that I can make things too, that I'm good with my hands.
23:18Just not this hand.
23:20I know.
23:21I should be happy for all of Barry's success.
23:24Irma told me what a troubled youth he had.
23:27Wait, what do you mean by that?
23:28Just how he rose above all his medical issues to become this local legend.
23:33I was a troubled teen, too.
23:35In high school, the football team locked me in the janitor's closet after I highlighted my hair.
23:42Where's my pies?
23:43So you're saying Barry was sick as a kid?
23:45Terrible illness?
23:46It's just acne.
23:47Horrible acne.
23:48Apparently awful.
23:50Disfiguring.
23:50Irma went to the prom with scary Barry.
23:53So he had bad skin.
23:55And my mother disowned me.
23:56Maybe I should write that in Barry's across the top of my pie.
24:00Greg, honey, hey, look at me.
24:03Look at me.
24:03Look that way.
24:04I love you so much.
24:07But this is not worth it.
24:09Year after year, you whip yourself up into a lather over a blueberry.
24:13Boom!
24:16Yes.
24:30Oh, my God.
24:44Can you witness, though?
24:46Are you seeing that?
24:48Ah, okay.
24:50Reporting live from Port Wendt's annual blueberry festival, I am Elaine Denton.
24:56Let us take this moment to get the reactions from the man and woman on the street, shall we?
25:04This should be fascinating.
25:05Just seriously.
25:07So it's men and women on the street?
25:09It's everyone on the street.
25:10You want to get a reaction from the pig?
25:12Why don't you ask the pig a question?
25:13Hello.
25:14Good, sir.
25:15How are you finding the festival this year?
25:18It's okay.
25:20Okay.
25:21So that's all you're feeling?
25:23Uh, okay.
25:25Oh, no, I'm sorry.
25:26I'm asking.
25:27It's just okay?
25:28Uh, okay.
25:31Okay.
25:32Have you ever actually hit someone with your rolling pin?
25:38Cobbler, crumble, or crisp, can anything really compete with pie?
25:47Hello, ma'am.
25:48Have you traveled a great distance to sample Maine's finest blueberries here in Port Wendt?
25:54Elaine, it's me, Irma.
25:57Okay, how many people are watching my live feed now?
25:59What should I know?
26:00The number's at the top of the screen.
26:03What are you, like, a hundred?
26:04Two.
26:06Al and someone named Port Wendy.
26:08That's it?
26:10Nobody else in the whole town is watching my coverage?
26:13It's not the moon landing, and everyone is here.
26:15Oh, it's a disaster.
26:17How am I ever going to get any kind of a national following?
26:19I can't even get my friends and neighbors to watch me.
26:22Wait.
26:22We have another live viewer.
26:25It's your mother.
26:26She's just tuning in now.
26:28Oh, baby, she's commenting.
26:29Is that my laser?
26:35Oh, this is something.
26:36This is something.
26:37This is something.
26:38Doc!
26:41All right, now, everybody!
26:44One dollar per throw.
26:46All proceeds benefit the Jailhouse Black Mold Removal Fund.
26:52Oh, Kimberly, um, how are you?
26:54I got your message.
26:55Oh, right, about the, um, the notification.
26:58Right.
26:59Just want to keep you aware.
27:00So I just have to go to because it's just I have a dunk tank thing that I'm kind of
27:04doing right now.
27:05My mother heard the voicemail you left me.
27:07She did.
27:08I'm going to kill you.
27:09Okay.
27:10Okay.
27:10You know, we don't need to, like, hurl.
27:12Just, you know, we can...
27:14Okay, so if we just...
27:17Marilyn, Yvonne, Gretchen.
27:19Gretchen.
27:20Oh, you guys got my call.
27:21That's good because...
27:23That's good because I sometimes with the voicemail I wasn't sure.
27:26Okay, ladies, let's just remember that this is a game, huh?
27:29It's all for fun.
27:30Along during the normal turnout at the dunk tank this year.
27:32All of the players seem very motivated.
27:35Your faces are just so angry.
27:38Okay.
27:39Woo!
27:40Okay.
27:40Whoa!
27:40That was a real slammer there, Karen.
27:42That was...
27:43Woo!
27:43My name is Carol.
27:45Carol.
27:45I meant...
27:46I knew that.
27:47She feels very strongly about eradicating that Jailhouse Mold.
27:52Just like you gotta put some high heat on that one.
27:54Woo!
27:54Okay, that was...
27:56Wah!
27:58Okay!
27:59I felt it.
28:00Everything got like, whooped.
28:06Okay.
28:11Okay, okay, okay.
28:12Enough, enough.
28:13Take off.
28:14Lady, come on.
28:15Come on, enough, enough.
28:16Okay, enough.
28:23Is this embarrassing for me?
28:25Yes.
28:27Attention!
28:29Attention, everybody.
28:30It's almost time.
28:31The judges have finished their final tasting round, and soon we'll begin the award ceremony
28:35for the annual Port Wen blueberry pie contest.
28:39Now, somewhere in the crowd.
28:40Could be this year's winner.
28:42Who will it be?
28:43Come on in.
28:43Allegiant, I'll grab a seat.
28:45What?
28:45Oh, wait.
28:46Oh, wait.
28:46We're at capacity.
28:48Sorry.
28:49Well, that's remarkable.
28:51Oh, come on.
28:51You guys shouldn't know.
28:53No, no.
28:54You know better than that.
28:56Let's go.
29:03Yeah.
29:13I think it's a place every time.
29:18Oh, I'm sorry.
29:19All right.
29:23Perfect.
29:24Tucked snugly into a crowded fire hazard.
29:29Completely shut out every year.
29:31Left behind every year.
29:32I'm trying to watch this.
29:33Of course.
29:34Of course.
29:34I'm sorry.
29:35Okay, how many people are watching now?
29:37On the live feed, I mean.
29:39One.
29:39Joss, my mom?
29:41Okay.
29:42I'll need it inside then.
29:44Okay.
29:44All right.
29:45This is so stressful.
29:48Get a hold of yourself.
29:53Louisa, you're cutting off the circulation in your fingers.
29:56Just another simple person trying to distract herself from the dreary reality, I suppose.
30:01I didn't mean to imply that you were simple.
30:03I was only...
30:05It's just a pie contest.
30:07No, it's more than that.
30:08But you wouldn't understand because you don't want to understand.
30:11And you don't want to understand because you actually don't give a crap.
30:13I'm number two.
30:15I'm number two.
30:17Good evening.
30:18Good afternoon.
30:20Mom.
30:20I'm Elaine Denton.
30:22Recording, reporting live inside Legion Hall where judging has just commenced.
30:29Demenced.
30:30Has ended.
30:31Ended.
30:32Basically, they've eaten all the pies and soon we'll know the winner.
30:36Live.
30:37With me.
30:38Your daughter.
30:40For blue witness eyes.
30:42Eyewitness blues.
30:46Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon.
30:49We, the judges, have come up with our final decisions.
30:52Now, as you know, this is a blind taste test.
30:55And it is my job, privilege, honor, to announce in third place, Pie 21.
31:08Oh, wow, big upset Greg Garrison has taken third place.
31:18Also, mom, can I keep the blazer?
31:21I think it looks good on me.
31:25I, I, I, I always went through it.
31:31Always.
31:32Wait.
31:33Does this mean?
31:47I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm taking first.
32:04and thank you in first place excuse me
32:11in first place is pi 13. what
32:17oh again and as always barry hammers takes first place in the annual portland pie bowling contest
32:29i didn't even i didn't even place
32:37oh
32:51i'm fine
32:54no your heartbeat is weak and irregular how long until the ambulance gets here ten minutes they're all out of
32:59the hospital
32:59oh we can take her in my car no we need the oxygen we can do ten minutes i'm okay
33:03no you just need to hold still and be quiet okay
33:13oh um clear the street outside of legion hall an ambulance is coming for sarah and everybody think good thoughts
33:19she's gonna be okay
33:20okay we're waiting for the ambulance
33:24i don't understand she was fine all day right up until the last round of judging
33:28when did she start feeling ill
33:30we ate so much i think it started just when we were tasting the last few pies those pies
33:37well well she is on a wide assortment of medications possible some ingredient in one of the pies is
33:43interacting badly with which of those pies does she eat less
33:46um um that one number seven
33:48oh that's my pie
33:49okay i need you to tell me exactly what's in your pie right now every ingredient
33:53oh it's uh nothing unusual um lord lard in the um organic wheat crust
34:00and uh sugar cornstarch lemon blueberries of course
34:05oh do i have to say it
34:07yes
34:07just a sprinkle of powdered emma's cheek
34:13oh my mother always said it made the blueberries pop
34:17and anyways nothing i was like barely nothing there
34:21monosodium glutamate would only cause a slight increase in heart rate
34:24that's not what's happening here it's not the msg
34:26but that msg is a violation of contest rules
34:29all organic all homegrown ingredients you cheated
34:32sally milo i'm afraid we have to eliminate you from the competition
34:36no no george no
34:39well who made that pie number 14 over there that would have been in fourth place right
34:44that's mine that's that's my pie
34:49oh um hello everyone uh a very surprising turn of events here at the pie contest
34:55all right everyone everyone what pie did sarah eat before sally's
35:01oh that one pie 13. yeah yeah that's blueberry's blueberry pie
35:04i can guarantee you that the ingredients in my pie are as always
35:08100 percent organic and homegrown
35:11did you grow your ingredients yourself yes
35:12and do you use any fertilizers or pesticides
35:15how dare you even ask me that do you even know what organic means
35:20are we gonna really let this outsider come into our town and question me
35:25blueberry the blueberry festival mascot
35:28excuse me i was merely asking
35:30and i am merely telling you that i was guaranteed my pie's ingredients were 100 certified organic
35:41wait you were guaranteed by whom
35:44by me i guarantee me
35:48you bought that pie didn't you
35:50no no of course not
35:52i don't care if that pie came from your kitchen or the dumpster behind the salty breeze
35:56i only care about my aunt's life now do you or do you not know what's in that pie
36:01i don't know i bought it
36:05online but there was nothing unusual in it i swear to you i swear
36:10i wish i could describe the feeling in the room right now it is electric
36:15you're blueberry
36:17because of all the blueberries you eat
36:19because year in and year out around the clock you're baking blueberry pies
36:25i don't even know how to cook
36:27oh my gosh
36:28and it's not from blueberries bert
36:31he's been using colloidal silver for what 40 years
36:34you saw that dermatologist when you were a teenager and he prescribed it for your chronic acne right
36:39but he was only supposed to use the lotion for two months not decades
36:43and he turned himself blue which is a long-term side effect of overuse
36:47you have to stop using it
36:49i liked being blue
36:51it became my identity
36:54gave me a place in this town
36:57that wasn't the freak anymore
36:59that was a
37:02mascot
37:03at least i made my pie
37:07if i'm out so see
37:09oh my god
37:10it is moments like these that remind us why we are alive
37:13and why we bake pies
37:15and what about you louisa what's in yours
37:17oh uh nothing i mean i mean nothing that could hurt her
37:21but didn't you say you had a new baking trick up your sleeve what was it
37:23i i soaked the blueberries in spinach water for 24 hours before baking
37:26i read about an old french cookbook it's supposed to keep the berries sweet but i promise i grew the
37:31spinach myself and i didn't break any rules i never break any rules
37:33well fresh blueberries and cold water would absorb a massive amount of calcium and oxalate from fresh spinach
37:37and her old blood thinners would have reacted negatively but i switched her to a new medication
37:42she didn't take the new medication because it was too expensive
37:45she's still on the old blood thinner
37:47i knew we should have called you
37:48the ambulance is almost here
37:50it's the spinach
37:51oh no
37:51she needs a shot of heparin she's gonna be okay let's just sit her up
37:54i'm glad she's gonna be okay but i can't
37:57over here
37:57just right this way just over here
37:59i just can't believe that i won
38:01the
38:04i actually won
38:06well
38:07i guess you'll be making my favorites all month
38:09fried chicken
38:10and mac and cheese
38:12and that
38:12al stop talking
38:13what
38:13gregory denise garrison
38:15did you just tell bert that we would
38:17more i would make his favorite meals if you won the pie contest
38:20oh wait wait it's not over yet folks
38:22no of course not i would never
38:24i mean i may have mentioned as a joke
38:28that we would cater to his tastes for a bit
38:31i did if i were to place in the contest i may have pointed out which pie was mine
38:35i don't know
38:37this contest makes me crazy
38:40well sarah is on her way to the hospital doc martin says she's going to be fine but if i'm
38:44not mistaken
38:45there is one last twist in the pie judging and yes here it comes
38:49gregory garrison you were summarily disqualified from the competition for unscrupulous behavior we will talk tonight
38:56he is out greg is gone and like a phoenix rising from the ashes
39:01which means the official and final winner of this year's annual pork went blueberry pie making contest is
39:08can you believe what we are seeing here today
39:10louisa gavin
39:13woo hoo hoo
39:19wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
39:22we have to get sarah to the hospital
39:24no no you stay she'll be fine
39:26you did it
39:28you deserve this you won
39:29no no no
39:37no no
39:37you are
39:39no no no no
39:43no
39:47Oh!
39:53Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!
40:01Thank you, thank you.
40:13Did I scare you?
40:18Yes.
40:23I don't like the idea of being in this stupid town without you.
40:29And if you couldn't afford the new medication, you should have told me.
40:33I'm sorry, Martin. I just, I was so annoyed because I thought you were coming for lunch, but you didn't.
40:49And I just, I'm just trying to make up for lost time. I just want to-
40:56Do you want to spend more time with me?
40:59Yeah.
41:05Well, I may have rejected the role of Pi, Judge, but I will accept the role of your nephew.
41:13And you can be my weekly lunch date. Guaranteed.
41:18Twice a week.
41:21Provided you follow lunch with a brisk walk of at least 10,000 steps.
41:2510,000 steps?
41:27And no more fried cod.
41:31Hello. Would anyone care for tonight's dessert? Ice cream.
41:40No.
41:43No.
41:45No.
41:45No.
41:47No.
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