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I’ll Be Home for Christmas (1988) [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full
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00:10:57Yes, sir.
00:10:59We'll see you then.
00:11:00Great. Bye.
00:11:03You are mine.
00:11:06All mine.
00:11:09Okay.
00:11:10He cashes in the tickets
00:11:12and you offer him a bribe.
00:11:15Do you see anything wrong with this picture?
00:11:17Yeah, yeah, I do.
00:11:19But what?
00:11:21Jake's coming home for Christmas.
00:11:29Okay, I gotta go back, you guys.
00:11:31I'll see you in an hour.
00:11:37Nice try, but no chance.
00:11:39Hmm, must be defective.
00:11:41You know, I estimated it'd be another five hours
00:11:44till you tried to make up.
00:11:45Huh, that's funny,
00:11:46because I estimate that it takes five hours
00:11:49to fly to Larchmont, New York.
00:11:51I thought you cashed your ticket in for Cabo.
00:11:53I cashed it back in for two tickets to New York.
00:11:56Will you please accept my apology
00:11:58and come home with me for Christmas?
00:12:04You're unbelievable.
00:12:05Tell me about it.
00:12:06Ripley's doing a special on me.
00:12:08So, why the sudden change of heart?
00:12:10Well, I guess you kind of got to me
00:12:12with all that sentimental family stuff.
00:12:14Oh, well, I'm glad to see you're coming around.
00:12:16Hey, if you don't have family,
00:12:18what do you have, right?
00:12:20So you want to come over and help me pack?
00:12:25No, I can't.
00:12:26I gotta go tutor some jocks.
00:12:28Oh, you're such a compassionate man.
00:12:30I am a giver.
00:12:32Pick you up tomorrow morning, 8 o'clock.
00:12:34Okay.
00:12:41This better work.
00:12:56Look out, look out.
00:12:57Hey.
00:13:04What's taking him so long?
00:13:11Sorry, Ms. Peterson.
00:13:12Coach likes to stay in touch.
00:13:15Shh.
00:13:16No, no.
00:13:53No, no.
00:14:18No, no.
00:14:18So, uh, Jake, are you feeling lucky?
00:14:20Immensely.
00:14:21Well, I think that's all about to change.
00:14:27Something wrong, fellas?
00:14:29You think you're some kind of wise guy, right?
00:14:31You think it's real funny to make us look like morons, right?
00:14:33What are you talking about?
00:14:35The beepers, dipstick.
00:14:37Ian, where's Ian?
00:14:39Twelve, thirty-two, fourteen.
00:14:42Oh, man.
00:14:45Look, I'm sure there's some explanation for this.
00:14:47Let me make a couple phone calls.
00:14:48No, I think we're done explaining.
00:14:52Boys?
00:14:54Come on, guys.
00:14:55Fellas, fellas.
00:15:02All right, see you guys later.
00:15:04Have a good break.
00:15:04See you.
00:15:08All right, Jake.
00:15:09Where are you?
00:15:18Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dreaming of white Christmas
00:15:44Oh, God.
00:15:46I wish I were dead.
00:15:50I said I wished I were dead.
00:15:58What the?
00:16:05Let's see you sweet talk your way out of this one.
00:16:07Eddie and the boys.
00:16:09It's the last time I do business with those guys.
00:16:13Go on, get out of here.
00:16:18Ow!
00:16:20You glued it on, didn't you, you jerks?
00:16:25That, too?
00:16:27This is not acceptable!
00:16:29This is not acceptable!
00:16:41Sit.
00:16:43Roll over.
00:16:45Die.
00:16:47Hmm.
00:16:53Hey, it's Jake.
00:16:54You found me.
00:16:56Idiot!
00:16:58Who's an idiot?
00:16:59I am.
00:17:00Jake Flaked, huh?
00:17:02What a surprise.
00:17:04Well, lucky for you, the Ed Man's here to the rescue,
00:17:07so what do you say we blow this popsicle stand
00:17:09because I got butt warmers in the seats?
00:17:11You're loving this, aren't you?
00:17:14Pretty much, yeah.
00:17:17Okay, let's go.
00:17:18All right!
00:17:19Oh, no, no, no, no, allow me.
00:17:21I got it, I got it.
00:17:23The ultimate in irony.
00:17:25Seventeen Academy kids are driving back east this winter,
00:17:28and I get a ride with you.
00:17:30Just the two of us,
00:17:31riding the crest of destiny's rainbow,
00:17:34sharing, caring,
00:17:37pair for the ages.
00:17:39Okay, hold on.
00:17:40First, the ground rules.
00:17:42If you say too many stupid things like that,
00:17:44I'll have to slug you.
00:17:45If you say anything nasty about Jake,
00:17:47I'll have to slug you.
00:17:48If you try to feel me up,
00:17:50I'll have to slug you.
00:17:51If you make me listen to any sexist, racist,
00:17:54or homophobic jokes,
00:17:56I'm gonna have to slug you.
00:17:58And finally,
00:17:59I might just have to slug you from time to time
00:18:01simply because I find the prospect
00:18:02of driving across the country with you
00:18:04incredibly stressful!
00:18:06All right.
00:18:07Sounds like a party to me.
00:18:11So, what should we listen to?
00:18:13Jewel, Sarah, Fiona?
00:18:15I'm in a sensitive mood, aren't you?
00:18:17Cut the crap, Eddie.
00:18:18I'm already in the car.
00:18:20All right, let's burn this baby.
00:18:21New York, go!
00:18:31They'll be singing,
00:18:34gonna be singing,
00:18:37Christmas carols
00:18:39by the old charell.
00:18:43Celebrating,
00:18:46congregating,
00:18:47and exchanging greetings
00:18:49by the old charell.
00:18:53There'll be lots of little children
00:18:56and how thick their eyes will be
00:18:58till they see what Santa loves.
00:19:01and stuff around the tree.
00:19:04There'll be merry,
00:19:06singing those merry,
00:19:09Christmas carols
00:19:11by the old pharell.
00:19:16Hey, it's Allie.
00:19:17You got the machine.
00:19:18You know the...
00:19:18Allie, it's me.
00:19:20Listen, I am so sorry.
00:19:29Hey, it's Allie.
00:19:30Desert Santa Buzzer Tumbleweed.
00:19:33This totally sucks.
00:19:36You got a mean disposition for a Santa.
00:19:40I need to make another phone call.
00:19:42Long distance?
00:19:44What from here
00:19:46is not long distance?
00:19:58Hello?
00:19:59Tracy, it's Jake.
00:20:01Oh, hi.
00:20:02Where are you?
00:20:03I'm in the middle of nowhere
00:20:04dressed like Santa Claus
00:20:06being attacked by a killer Tumbleweed.
00:20:08Cool.
00:20:09Get me, Dad.
00:20:09When did I become your slave?
00:20:11The day you were born.
00:20:14Oh, right.
00:20:15Oh, Dad.
00:20:18It's the prodigal son.
00:20:21Hello?
00:20:23Hello, Father.
00:20:24Dad.
00:20:25Jake, you sound funny.
00:20:26Are you at the airport?
00:20:28Well, I've had some setbacks,
00:20:30but if you wire me some money,
00:20:32I'll make it home for Christmas.
00:20:33Just what kind of a bind
00:20:34are you in, Jake?
00:20:35He's in the middle of nowhere
00:20:37dressed as Santa Claus
00:20:38being attacked by a killer Bumblebee.
00:20:40That's Tumbleweed.
00:20:41Otherwise, it's just like she said.
00:20:43That is the worst alibi
00:20:45and a long line
00:20:46of bad alibis, Jake.
00:20:47But it's all true.
00:20:49That's what you always say.
00:20:50I know,
00:20:51but I really need your help
00:20:52if I'm going to make it home on time.
00:20:54Now, look,
00:20:54we had a deal.
00:20:55It is up to you
00:20:56to get yourself home
00:20:57on Christmas Eve
00:20:58or you can forget about the Porsche.
00:21:00Dad?
00:21:04Uh, excuse me.
00:21:06I couldn't help overhearing.
00:21:08You're trying to get home for Christmas
00:21:10and your father won't help you?
00:21:12Oh, it's not that.
00:21:14It's just...
00:21:19He's so worried about the operation.
00:21:21He's not thinking clearly.
00:21:24Operation?
00:21:26Yeah.
00:21:27The whole family chipped in
00:21:29and got him a triple bypass
00:21:30for Christmas.
00:21:31I sent home every last dollar
00:21:33I earned working
00:21:34as a shopping mall Santa.
00:21:37The operation's on Christmas Eve
00:21:39and now I won't be home
00:21:40until after the anesthesia wears off.
00:21:44Oh, dear.
00:21:47You know,
00:21:48me and the girls
00:21:50are driving to Vegas
00:21:51to see Tom Jones.
00:21:53We're Tom Tom girls.
00:21:55You want to ride with us?
00:21:57Do you have what's new pussycat?
00:22:00Do we have
00:22:01what's new pussycat?
00:22:03What's new pussycat?
00:22:05Whoa-oh-oh-oh.
00:22:07What's new pussycat?
00:22:09Whoa-oh-oh-oh.
00:22:10¡Oh, oh, oh!
00:22:41And just put those right back in her mouth.
00:22:44Gherkins, anyone?
00:22:47Oh, for Pete's sake.
00:22:50Oh, well, that's lovely.
00:22:53What happened?
00:22:54Santa just yammied in your handbag.
00:22:58There he goes again.
00:22:59Well, stop him!
00:23:01Okay, there, Santa.
00:23:03Santa, get up.
00:23:07Did I hurt you, Santa?
00:23:09Yes, good.
00:23:11All right, buster.
00:23:13Out you get.
00:23:14Out you get out.
00:23:16Get out of here.
00:23:17Get out of here, you.
00:23:20And take your beard with you.
00:23:22Oh, never heard of such a...
00:23:24Imagine yammeing in my sister's handbag.
00:23:36There you go, there's five.
00:23:38Thank you.
00:23:40Desert Santa Buzzard Tumbleweed.
00:23:43Desert Santa Buzzard Tumbleweed.
00:23:45Oh, oh, oh, I love this game.
00:23:47Pick which word is not like the others.
00:23:48Uh, Santa.
00:23:49No, idiot.
00:23:51It's a message Jake left on my machine.
00:23:54Wow.
00:23:55Bizarre, huh?
00:23:57Yeah.
00:24:01Thanks.
00:24:11Allie?
00:24:14Eddie?
00:24:17Eddie.
00:24:27Oh, my God.
00:24:30Allie!
00:24:31What's wrong with you?
00:24:33Uh, we gotta go.
00:24:34We're just way behind schedule.
00:24:37Allie, wait!
00:24:39Allie!
00:24:41Stop!
00:24:43Wait!
00:24:53I'll have a blue Christmas
00:24:59Without you
00:25:03I'll be so blue
00:25:06Just thinking
00:25:09About you
00:25:15Decoration
00:25:17A red
00:25:19On a green
00:25:23Christmas tree
00:25:25It won't
00:25:27Mean a thing
00:25:30If you're not here
00:25:34This is the worst day of my life
00:25:40Snowflakes
00:25:41And it just got worse
00:25:42Falling
00:25:45That's when those blue
00:25:49Memories
00:25:51Start calling
00:25:56You'll be doing
00:25:58All right
00:26:02With your Christmas
00:26:03Oh, oh, oh, oh
00:26:09Oh, oh, oh
00:26:09A blue
00:26:10Blue, blue
00:26:13Christmas
00:26:21But I'll have
00:26:24Hey, a blue
00:26:26Blue, blue
00:26:28Christmas
00:26:33Oh, oh, oh, oh
00:26:34Dubby
00:26:35Secret fat man handshake
00:26:36All right
00:26:39You know, confidentially speaking
00:26:40Just between us Santas
00:26:42Don't you ever get tired
00:26:43Of wearing this suit?
00:26:44I mean, every year
00:26:45It's the same suit
00:26:45Red, red, red, red, red
00:26:47I mean, does any guy
00:26:48Really look good in red?
00:26:50I don't think so
00:26:53Got room on the sled for two?
00:26:56Thanks
00:26:56I really appreciate it
00:26:58You're a pal
00:27:00You're a pal
00:27:02You're a pal
00:27:16You're a pal
00:27:28Ah
00:27:33¡Suscríbete al canal!
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00:36:52All right, let's see what we have here today for Esteban.
00:36:58Look at this.
00:37:00A Eureka Boss Cordless Rechargeable Vacuum Cleaner.
00:37:03No, thank you.
00:37:07Well, uh, I don't know what else I have here for you, buddy.
00:37:11What do you want for Christmas?
00:37:13To go home.
00:37:18I want to be with mi mamá, mi papá, mi hermana Maribel, mi hermano Mario,
00:37:26Tio Carlos y mi Tio Ramón, Tia Cristina, Tia María,
00:37:32grandmothers and grandfathers and my dog, Sorito,
00:37:36and have Christmas tree and lights and angels and Christmas cookies.
00:37:42With little red and green sprinkles on top and plum pudding and Christmas carols and...
00:37:48Oh, sugar doll, I miss you so much.
00:37:51I don't want to offend stolen goods no more.
00:37:53I just want to beg you to come home for Christmas.
00:37:55Please, Marjorie, you know I didn't mean to hurt you.
00:37:58I don't know how I'm going to get through the holidays without you.
00:38:01I just need to talk to my dad or Tracy.
00:38:04Are either of them there?
00:38:06Oh, gee, your dad and Tracy went to the mall.
00:38:09It's just me holding down the fort.
00:38:11Uh-huh.
00:38:13We are all so excited you're coming home.
00:38:16We've got the tree all set up.
00:38:18It looks great.
00:38:19And I've just been shopping and cooking and cooking and shopping.
00:38:23Speaking of which, your sweater size.
00:38:26Are you a... you're a 38, right?
00:38:30Yeah, I guess.
00:38:32Where are you now?
00:38:33Are you on your way home?
00:38:34Yeah, look, I got to run, so you take care now, okay?
00:38:39Okay.
00:38:40Bye.
00:38:41Bye.
00:38:54I got to tell you, Santa, sir, although I've only been your elf for a very short time,
00:38:59I feel like a new man, changed.
00:39:02Do I look changed to you?
00:39:06Well, maybe you've changed on the inside where it counts.
00:39:09Yeah, that's it.
00:39:10I've changed on the inside, and I'm going home for Christmas.
00:39:14Home?
00:39:15I thought you were going east.
00:39:17Nope, back the other way.
00:39:18But, Nolan, I saved your buck back down the road.
00:39:21Don't you think you owe me something?
00:39:23Uh, yes, I do.
00:39:28Didn't mean to leave you hanging, buddy.
00:39:30Whoa!
00:39:32Merry Christmas!
00:39:36What?
00:39:36Can I have a word with you?
00:39:38What is it?
00:39:39Well, it's my wife, Marjorie.
00:39:41She left me last month, and, well, if I could just get her back home for Christmas,
00:39:45I know we could start again.
00:39:47Why are you telling me this?
00:39:48She won't listen to me, but I got a hunch she might listen to Santa.
00:39:52See, if you walked into the restaurant where she works and asked her to forgive me,
00:39:55I know she'd come home.
00:39:57She left you, right?
00:39:58Yeah.
00:39:59So where's your dignity?
00:40:01Don't go crawling back to her.
00:40:02Let her come groveling back to you.
00:40:04Yeah, maybe you're right.
00:40:05Why drive all the way to Nebraska just to get slammed again?
00:40:09Wait, Nebraska?
00:40:11As in Eastie here?
00:40:12It's about a six-hour trip.
00:40:14What's the matter with you, man?
00:40:15You love her enough to marry her, but you won't take a little drive.
00:40:20So, Max, what'd you do that made your wife so mad that you'd take a job 300 miles away?
00:40:25Oh, I stayed out at Smitty's till three one morning.
00:40:28Doesn't seem so bad.
00:40:30With an old girlfriend.
00:40:33All right, here's the deal.
00:40:34If I get Marjorie to come home for Christmas, you buy me a bus ticket to New York.
00:40:39If you can get Marjorie to come home for Christmas, I'll buy you a bus ticket to the moon.
00:40:44All right.
00:40:48Hey.
00:40:48Hey.
00:40:49Looking good.
00:40:50Yeah.
00:40:51I got kind of a weird call from Jake while you were out.
00:40:54He didn't say where he was calling from, but I'm pretty sure he's on the road.
00:40:58I hope he's going to make it okay.
00:41:00There is not an obstacle in this world that will keep my son from this car.
00:41:05Oh, my God.
00:41:06There's a scratch.
00:41:06There's a scratch.
00:41:07Where?
00:41:07Where?
00:41:08Get a wife, Dad.
00:41:14See ya.
00:41:14See ya.
00:41:16See ya.
00:41:22Well, she's ready for you, son.
00:41:25Wherever you are.
00:41:35There she is, right there.
00:41:37Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
00:41:41Yeah, no doubt.
00:41:41So what do you want me to tell her?
00:41:43That if she doesn't come home, I'll die.
00:41:48Good.
00:41:48Die.
00:41:49Now, don't you think you're being a little bit harsh now, Marjorie?
00:41:52Harsh?
00:41:52After he kissed that tramp in front of everybody at Smitty's?
00:41:56Well, you know, I'm sure it was a friendly kiss, right?
00:41:59Like brother, sister.
00:42:00There was tongue.
00:42:02There was not!
00:42:04There was too, you big pig!
00:42:06Everybody saw it.
00:42:07Marjorie, it wasn't me kissing her.
00:42:10It was the Eggermeister.
00:42:12We made a commitment, Max, to honor and obey for better or for worse.
00:42:17Okay, this is worse.
00:42:19Ugh, he really burns my biscuits.
00:42:21Let me handle this one, okay, Max?
00:42:25Don't you think you should give Max another chance?
00:42:27I mean, maybe this is all just a misunderstanding.
00:42:30He kissed her.
00:42:30How do you misunderstand that?
00:42:32Well, I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you.
00:42:34You know, it's just like this other couple I know.
00:42:37We're all upset about a misunderstanding.
00:42:39Oh, yeah?
00:42:39What's wrong with them?
00:42:40Well, they had a trip planned to go back east,
00:42:42and he canceled last minute because he wanted to take her to Cabo San Lucas for Christmas instead.
00:42:46But she thought he was being selfish, which was a misunderstanding.
00:42:50No, it wasn't.
00:42:50He sounds like a jerk.
00:42:51No, he's not.
00:42:53I mean, if she had understood,
00:42:54she would have realized that the guy's got a stepmother that he doesn't like very much.
00:42:57Well, what's wrong with the stepmother?
00:42:59Well, the dad married her only ten months after his wife died.
00:43:02She must be a babe.
00:43:04Why is this guy mad at the stepmother?
00:43:06It's not her fault.
00:43:07Don't you think ten months is a little soon?
00:43:09No, she's a babe.
00:43:11Look, look, what does any of this have to do with me and Max?
00:43:16Misunderstandings can be overcome if both people just try.
00:43:20Look, right now Max is sitting out there with a broken heart,
00:43:23and all he's asking for is a second chance.
00:43:26Just give him another shot.
00:43:30Hey, Marge.
00:43:32Sounds about a topper on this coffee.
00:43:35You know what?
00:43:36I've got a job to do.
00:43:44How did it go?
00:43:45Well, you know what a swirly is?
00:43:47You mean when somebody jams your head in a toilet bowl and flushes it?
00:43:50Yeah, it was pretty much like that.
00:43:51Oh, man.
00:43:52Now get in there.
00:43:53Say something romantic.
00:43:55Huh?
00:43:56Something apologetic?
00:43:59Something in English.
00:44:02Jesus!
00:44:02All right, all righty.
00:44:04Come here.
00:44:15I got an idea.
00:44:28Oh, Marjorie, oh, Marjorie,
00:44:33I need to have you home.
00:44:40Oh, Marjorie, oh, Marjorie, I need to have you home.
00:44:52I'm sorry I was such an insensitive jerk that night.
00:45:00I hope that singing this song will make everything all right.
00:45:09You're not the only one.
00:45:11Oh, Marjorie, oh, Marjorie, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby.
00:45:23I'll make it up to you on the velvet skirt of the Christmas tree.
00:45:31Oh, Marjorie, oh, Marjorie, oh, baby, oh, my God.
00:45:35Say you're my wife.
00:45:39I'd give my life
00:45:45If you just come home
00:45:56Now on your knees
00:45:59Now on your knees
00:46:01No, I don't sing it.
00:46:08Marjorie, I'm so sorry, baby.
00:46:11Won't you please?
00:46:29Here's your ticket.
00:46:30Your bus will be here in ten minutes.
00:46:33Thanks.
00:46:34Thank you.
00:46:40Well, see ya.
00:46:43Hey, Santa.
00:46:44Yeah?
00:46:45I, uh, I hope that other couple, you know,
00:46:47works through their misunderstandings.
00:46:51Me too.
00:46:55What other couple?
00:46:57It doesn't matter.
00:46:59It's just you and me, baby.
00:47:08You know what I've always wondered?
00:47:11What?
00:47:12Out of all the planets in the universe,
00:47:15how is it that this is the only one that spawned intelligent life?
00:47:20Yeah.
00:47:22You know what I always wonder about?
00:47:24What's that?
00:47:25How come more breakfast joints don't serve your food right in the skillet?
00:47:28Like Denny's.
00:47:30I mean, think about it.
00:47:30They give you your meat, your eggs, your spuds right in the pan.
00:47:33Like that man that rocks.
00:47:34Or like when a homeless guy, he comes up to you and he says he's the messiah.
00:47:37And then he asks you for money and you're just like, you know, you just want to walk away.
00:47:40But then you think to yourself, what happens if he is the messiah?
00:47:43And I'm just blowing the dude off.
00:47:47Think about it.
00:47:49I take back what I said about intelligent life on earth.
00:47:56Hey, look at that!
00:47:58Ugh.
00:48:00Velveeta.
00:48:00Come on now.
00:48:02That's why we have to stay there.
00:48:04Come on, where would you rather go?
00:48:06Another dumpy motel or a fake Bavarian village in the middle of nowhere?
00:48:11I don't think it's very eddy.
00:48:13Well, I think it's totally eddy.
00:48:15It's completely cheesy and trying to be cool.
00:48:19When are you going to stop being mean to the ed man, huh?
00:48:22When do you stop referring to yourself in the third person?
00:48:39Maybe I should just go.
00:48:40Maybe I should just go with it.
00:48:50Hey.
00:48:52Hey.
00:48:53Check this out.
00:48:54Tell me what's better.
00:48:56Ho, ho, ho.
00:48:57Merry Christmas.
00:48:59Ho, ho, ho.
00:49:00Merry Christmas.
00:49:02Ho, ho, ho.
00:49:03Merry Christmas.
00:49:06Merry Christmas.
00:49:07Well, the first one's good for really little kids, like my sister, who's three.
00:49:12And the second one's good for big kids, like my friends and me.
00:49:15And the third one's good if you want to scare people and watch them run away screaming.
00:49:22Okay.
00:49:22Cool.
00:49:23Thanks.
00:49:24Whatever.
00:49:54Look at that. The clockman is sexually harassing the clock lady. How typical.
00:50:00Uh, don't witness it. You might have to testify.
00:50:04Wow, Eddie. That was actually clever.
00:50:07Hey, I'm a witty guy. I mean, you think this astonishing physique is all the Ed-Man has to offer,
00:50:13huh?
00:50:13Well, take this, Ed-Man.
00:50:17Oh, my God. You're dead. You're so dead. I'm gonna get it so bad. Oh, my God.
00:50:25This is Wendy Richards reporting live from Adelbrook, Iowa, site of the Strudelstrasen and world-famous human clock.
00:50:31Now, the temperature outside stands at 31 degrees, but, of course, the temperature's always a little bit warmer underneath the
00:50:37mistletoe arch, and, uh, here's a couple now.
00:50:40I hope you kids know where you're standing.
00:50:48I'll kill him.
00:50:49Your attention, please. Bus 33 to New York is now boarding. All passengers with tickets, please proceed to Kerr.
00:50:59I think you just stopped being mean to me.
00:51:17Excuse me. Conway?
00:51:18Get behind the yellow line.
00:51:20Hey, just a second. I need to ask you a favor.
00:51:21Just get behind the yellow line.
00:51:23I realize you're on a schedule, but it being the holidays and all.
00:51:26I wonder if you wouldn't mind taking a small detour to Adelbrook. I think everyone would really enjoy it.
00:51:30But I wouldn't.
00:51:32What if we...
00:51:33No.
00:51:33How about we...
00:51:34No.
00:51:34But...
00:51:35No.
00:51:36Got it.
00:51:41That is very good.
00:51:43Look at that.
00:51:45Here, why don't you try using the yellow line?
00:51:49Okay.
00:52:02Sorry, we only had one room left tonight. It'd been Christmas and all. But, uh, I think you'll find it's
00:52:07very special.
00:52:11Feel coming to your honeymoon suite.
00:52:15Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:52:23oh, oh.
00:52:35Is this yours?
00:52:37Hmm? No. Not yours either.
00:52:41And whose is it?
00:52:45Human liver?
00:52:46Organ donation? Oh, my God, we've got a live liver here.
00:52:51It's just delivered to Ali Henderson in Adelbrook, ASAP. You think it's real?
00:52:55Let's take a look.
00:52:57Oh, wait, move!
00:52:58We need to get to Adelbrook!
00:53:01Okay, everybody, sit down!
00:53:04What the hell is wrong with you, man?
00:53:05You get behind the yellow line!
00:53:07Don't give me your lip. I don't believe you, man. There's a little girl in Adelbrook that needs a liver
00:53:13transplant.
00:53:14We've got a schedule to keep.
00:53:15Schedule, shmedule.
00:53:16Shame on you.
00:53:17This isn't about schedules, man. It's the gift of life.
00:53:21The greatest Christmas gift ever, and we've even got Santa to bring it to her.
00:53:25This is a nonstop bus to New York.
00:53:27This is happening for a reason.
00:53:29We were put on this bus to take this organ to Adelbrook.
00:53:33Adelbrook! Adelbrook! Adelbrook! Adelbrook!
00:53:57It's funny, Adelbrook.
00:53:59I never thought I'd end up sleeping in the same bed with you, and yet somehow with you here, I
00:54:03feel safe.
00:54:05You want me to put on any more clothes?
00:54:08Nah, that should be fine.
00:54:10Good night, Adelbrook.
00:54:11Good night.
00:54:14Good night.
00:54:23I'm giving you ten minutes!
00:54:25You fired that girl, Santa!
00:54:27Go, Santa! Go, Santa! Go, Santa! Go, Santa! Go, Santa!
00:54:30Go, Santa! Go, Santa! Go, Santa!
00:54:31Everybody, set up!
00:54:47Hi. Can you tell me if there's an Ali Henderson or an Eddie Taffet checked in here?
00:54:50I'm sorry, Santa. I'm not allowed to give out information on our guests.
00:54:54Listen, ma'am. I have a full plate of activities tonight.
00:54:57Not to mention a pesky Grinch who has kidnapped Mrs. Claus in an attempt to make my life miserable.
00:55:00I'm sorry, Santa, but that's policy.
00:55:04Policy? Policy does not apply to me. I override policy. I want to know where my girlfriend is.
00:55:09I have a full plate of tea. I'm sorry, Santa, but that's policy. I don't know where my girlfriend is.
00:56:05¡Suscríbete al canal!
00:56:10Eddie and his buddies left me in the desert like this the other night
00:56:14Desert Santa buzzard tumbleweed
00:56:16So what gives with you kissing that slimy moron?
00:56:19It's not what you think
00:56:20Jake, what are you doing here, bud? This love nest is full
00:56:24Calm down, Jake. Nothing happened
00:56:26Where's the trust, man?
00:56:28I saw you kissing her on TV, you dirtbag
00:56:30He got me under the mistletoe for two seconds. Big deal
00:56:33It was more like five seconds
00:56:36And they were good
00:56:40Fal, fighting Fal
00:56:45How could you let that idiot give you a ride?
00:56:47I thought you left me high and dry
00:56:49What was I supposed to do, beam myself home?
00:56:52Allie, I was stuck in the desert
00:56:53I couldn't get to you
00:56:54I had no choice
00:56:58Okay, forgive you
00:57:07So, you still mad at me?
00:57:10Yo, if anyone should be mad here, it's me
00:57:12Okay, because I've had to listen to non-stop Natalie Merchant, E.Z. Cummings
00:57:16That's E.E. Cummings
00:57:17I have been stuck in a Santa suit for two days, fighting off buzzards, dentures, and thugs in lederhosen
00:57:23I'm tired, I'm hungry, I stink, and because of you, I'm not going to be home by six o'clock
00:57:27tonight
00:57:29Why do you have to be home by six o'clock?
00:57:32What's that?
00:57:34You heard the question, why do you have to be home by six?
00:57:39Because that's when dinner will be ready?
00:57:41Ow!
00:57:42If you have even one decent chromosome in your DNA, you will not lie to me right now, Jake
00:57:47All right
00:57:51It's just that, if I get home by then, my dad's going to give me the Porsche
00:57:58The Porsche
00:57:59Allie, let me
00:58:00Wait
00:58:01So you didn't trade Cabo for me, you traded it for a car
00:58:04It's not like that
00:58:05You two deserve each other
00:58:11Allie, wait
00:58:13Will you just stop and listen to me?
00:58:15Look, if I had to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't mention the stupid car
00:58:20What? I was kidding!
00:58:22You don't care about anybody but yourself
00:58:24You're a manipulator and a liar
00:58:26I am not a liar
00:58:27Hey, wait a minute
00:58:28You're the girl who needs the transplant?
00:58:31Is that what Santa told you?
00:58:33Uh-huh
00:58:35Right
00:58:36I'm taking his place on the bus
00:58:37No, wait
00:58:38Allie, give me another chance
00:58:40Why?
00:58:41Because I care about you
00:58:43You gotta believe me
00:58:44Santa, if you showed up on my doorstep in a one-horse open sleigh, I wouldn't believe you
00:58:50Allie, I'm sorry
00:58:51You know, I can't take fake remorse from a fake Santa making fake apologies
00:58:56You might be a fake boyfriend, Jake
00:58:58But I'll tell you one thing
00:58:59You're a genuine butthole
00:59:05Bye, Santa
00:59:34Oh man, I've seen guys get dumped on my doorstep
00:59:36But that was nuclear
00:59:37I mean, she wasn't even aiming at me and I'm gonna be walking funny for like a week
00:59:41How do girls do that?
00:59:42I don't know
00:59:43It's like that whole chick verbal skills thing
00:59:45It's deadly
00:59:47Oh man, you know what?
00:59:48I gotta tell you, bro
00:59:49I would have never thought I'd ever help you out
00:59:51After that massacre
00:59:53Man, I just wouldn't be human
00:59:55God, I never thought I'd be driving home with you either
00:59:57It's pretty wild
00:59:58Oh, it sure is
00:59:59All right, now I get home in time to get the Porsche
01:00:01I'll drive it back to school in January
01:00:03Figure out how to get Allie back
01:00:05Everything's gonna be great
01:00:07Thanks, Ed, man
01:00:10Sure
01:00:17Get out
01:00:17What?
01:00:19All that stuff you just said
01:00:20I'm sorry, man
01:00:22I just can't do that much good stuff for another person
01:00:25You know?
01:00:26It'd be way bad for my rep
01:00:27What are you talking about?
01:00:28I mean, what about that stuff you just said
01:00:30About being human
01:00:31Helping out another guy and me
01:00:32Dude, I just took you to Wisconsin
01:00:35Besides, what am I doing helping you out
01:00:37So you can get a Porsche
01:00:38And be cooler than me?
01:00:40Not very smart
01:00:42Not very Eddie
01:00:48Uh, you're, uh
01:00:49Gonna have to take that off
01:00:51Yeah, I know that
01:00:52Thank you
01:01:04Father Christmas
01:01:05Just tell me what you want from me
01:01:20Better hurry
01:01:49It's called carbo loading
01:01:51Best thing you can do before a race like this
01:01:55Hi
01:01:55I'd like a number, please
01:01:57Okay, that'll be a $10 entrance fee
01:01:59You know I nailed that in
01:02:01Oh, okay
01:02:02So we sent you a receipt
01:02:04Yes, yes, you did
01:02:05But you see, here's the dilly
01:02:07There was a house fire
01:02:09And everything got torched
01:02:10You know, personal papers
01:02:11Family photos
01:02:12That little clay handprint ashtray
01:02:14I made when I was three
01:02:15Oh, tragic tale
01:02:18I'll cover the kid
01:02:19Hey, thanks
01:02:20Jake Wilkinson
01:02:22Jeff Wilson
01:02:24Here's your hat and beard
01:02:26You gotta have them on
01:02:27When you cross the finish line
01:02:28Or you'll be disqualified
01:02:29Here we go again
01:02:34Can anyone in this race actually run?
01:02:36Well, Sparky Fanaloni won the state marathon
01:02:39Ten years ago
01:02:39That was before the two-pack-a-day habit
01:02:42And subsequent lung removal
01:02:45Look at this guy
01:02:46Give us a run for our money
01:02:48Kenyon?
01:02:50Yes
01:02:51All Santas to the starting line
01:02:54All Santas to the starting line
01:02:58See you at the finish line
01:02:59All right
01:03:00Go Santas, go!
01:03:02Woohoo!
01:03:04Go Santas!
01:03:07Santas!
01:03:08For your mark
01:03:11On your mark
01:03:15Get set
01:03:17Move your apart
01:03:19Go Santas!
01:03:30Go Jason!
01:03:39When you reach Camel
01:03:42Go Santas!
01:03:43You gotta be
01:03:44Distant
01:03:44Go Santas!
01:03:47Join!
01:03:47¡Oh! ¡Oh! ¡Oh! ¡Oh! ¡Oh! ¡Oh! ¡Oh, oh!
01:03:55¡Oh, oh!
01:03:58¡Hey, jingle balls!
01:04:01¡Move your candy canes!
01:04:10¡No! ¡No!
01:04:17¡Move your candy!
01:04:23¡Move your candy!
01:04:32¡Oh! ¡Oh! ¡Oh!
01:04:39¡Oh. ¡Oh!
01:04:44Oh, oh!
01:04:45Oh!
01:04:45Get up!
01:04:47I couldn't see her!
01:04:48Yeah!
01:04:49Yeah!
01:04:50Oh!
01:04:56Well, that's the end of that.
01:05:02Or not.
01:05:04Here you go.
01:05:05Easy.
01:05:05Looks like it's just you and me now.
01:05:08Ready to make a run for it?
01:05:10I was born ready.
01:05:26¡Gracias!
01:05:44Santa Claus coming down
01:05:46Santa Claus coming down
01:06:06Thanks, thanks a lot
01:06:10Congratulations
01:06:12Thanks
01:06:15Thank you very much, Merry Christmas
01:06:18Merry Christmas
01:06:27Jake, Jake, thank God, dude
01:06:29They're gonna try to arrest me
01:06:31Come down and meet me at the station
01:06:32Please, man, I'm second
01:06:35Taxi
01:06:38Santa says take me to the airport
01:06:48One-one-hundred, two-one-hundred, three-one-hundred
01:06:56Hey there, all right
01:06:58Hey, you're the kid who beat Mayor Wilson in the Santa 5K
01:07:01Yep, that's me
01:07:04Wait a minute, Mayor Wilson?
01:07:05Oh, you didn't know? Well, he wins every year
01:07:07A lot of us folks wish he'd won this year, too
01:07:09Yeah, he seemed like a good guy
01:07:11Keeps the potholes filled, huh?
01:07:12Yeah, he keeps the potholes filled
01:07:14He also donates his entire winnings every year
01:07:17To buy turkeys for people who can't afford them
01:07:22He had to be the mayor
01:07:27He had to be the mayor
01:07:28Can you turn around, please?
01:07:37I'll be right back
01:07:38I'll be right back
01:07:39I'll be right back
01:07:39I'll be right back
01:07:41I'll be right back
01:08:01Hey
01:08:04When did Santa start using the mailbox?
01:08:06oh didn't you hear about the new work exchange program postman should be coming down your
01:08:11chimney a little later you got someplace to go yeah it's christmas eve who doesn't
01:08:20set a place for you
01:08:23no thanks i'll be fine
01:08:29jake marry christmas you too
01:08:37¿Qué?
01:08:51Sí, operador, es el colecto de Jake.
01:08:55Traci, acepta...
01:08:56Gracias.
01:08:57Mi, mi, hermano, estás siendo un poco estricto.
01:09:01¿Vocan los bumblebees de nuevo?
01:09:02Mira, Traci, no voy a hacer nada de casa, ¿vale?
01:09:06¿Qué significa que no te va a hacer nada de casa?
01:09:08¿Es esto sobre carolyn?
01:09:10No, es sobre estar aquí en el medio de novia con absolutamente no dinero.
01:09:14La hora de ir, yo voy a ir, yo voy a ir en junio,
01:09:17así que Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, y yo voy a ver.
01:09:19¿Qué? ¿Qué de la Porsche?
01:09:22¿Qué de la Porsche?
01:09:24Wow, you really must be in trouble.
01:09:27¿Vale a ir ahora mismo si pudiera?
01:09:30Uh, like, yeah.
01:09:31I've got at least four years of birthday money
01:09:33stashed upstairs in my ballerina bag.
01:09:35If I went to a ticket agent right now
01:09:37and bought you a plane ticket home,
01:09:39you'd make it in time for Christmas, right?
01:09:41You'd do that for me?
01:09:43No.
01:09:44I'd do it for Dad.
01:09:46Plus, think of the incredible pleasure
01:09:47I'll have holding this over your head
01:09:49for the rest of our lives.
01:09:51Okay, fine.
01:09:52Whatever you want.
01:09:52I'm near Madison, Wisconsin.
01:09:54I'll hitch a ride to the airport.
01:09:55I'll see you soon.
01:09:56Wait, uh, I don't have any idea.
01:09:58How am I gonna pick up the ticket?
01:09:59Hmm, I know.
01:10:01I'll make up a secret password
01:10:02to go with your reservation
01:10:03that only you would know.
01:10:05Great.
01:10:05What's it gonna be?
01:10:06I am a smelly and revolting jerk
01:10:08who doesn't deserve to live
01:10:09and my sister is a mad cool goddess.
01:10:11Bingo.
01:10:12Wilkinson, comma, Jake.
01:10:14It's an unusual password.
01:10:16Unusual everything.
01:10:17So, what time's the flight leave?
01:10:18In 20 minutes.
01:10:20I'll need to see a picture ID.
01:10:21Well, I just gave you my password.
01:10:23That's right, sir,
01:10:24but I can't let you on the plane
01:10:25without proper identification.
01:10:26Then what was the point of my password?
01:10:28I don't make the rules, sir.
01:10:30It's just...
01:10:30Policy.
01:10:31I know.
01:10:32Thank you.
01:10:35Text.
01:10:42Hi.
01:11:03Good, Ringo.
01:11:05Merry Christmas to you, too, Ringo.
01:11:07Good, Ringo.
01:11:10Fat Ringo!
01:11:12Fat Ringo!
01:11:21Hey!
01:11:22Hey, Billy!
01:11:23Get him!
01:11:23Get him!
01:11:24Hurry!
01:11:25Move!
01:11:26Come here!
01:11:27Get him away!
01:11:28Come back!
01:11:31Oh, no!
01:11:32Oh, no!
01:11:32No!
01:11:33Oh, no!
01:11:34Oh, my God!
01:11:35Oh, no!
01:11:35Oh, no!
01:11:36Oh, no!
01:11:36Oh, no!
01:11:50Excuse me, some more girls, please.
01:11:52Excuse me.
01:12:01¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:12:24¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:13:08¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:13:19¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:13:22¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:13:24¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:13:59¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:14:02¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:14:25¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:14:35¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:14:40¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:14:55¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:15:04¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:15:06¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:15:12¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:15:14¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:15:15¡Suscríbete al canal!
01:15:23¡Suscríbete al canal!
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01:15:58Not bad.
01:15:59Maybe you should have thought about snow tires.
01:16:04You know, you said even if Santa showed up on your doorstep in a one-horse open sleigh,
01:16:09you still wouldn't believe that I cared about you.
01:16:13So I don't expect this to work.
01:16:16But I gotta give it a shot.
01:16:18I mean, you know, I'm not the real Santa, and contrary to all appearances, this is not a real sleigh.
01:16:28But, Allie, for all the times I've been a genuine jerk,
01:16:33this is a real apology.
01:16:36If you'll accept it.
01:16:40I might.
01:16:45And this is a real kiss.
01:17:10Come with me to my house.
01:17:11I have to be there in two minutes.
01:17:12Is this still about the worst?
01:17:13Just come with me.
01:17:14But I don't want to.
01:17:16Don't trust me.
01:17:38Let's eat.
01:17:54¿Qué es lo que pasa?
01:17:57Es 5.59.
01:17:59¿Has hecho?
01:18:01Sí, creo que lo hice.
01:18:03¿Cuándo es después de 6, ¿ok?
01:18:06¿Qué significa? ¿No te vas a ir?
01:18:08No, no, no.
01:18:11Pero yo...
01:18:12¡Shh!
01:18:13¡Shh!
01:18:14¡Shh!
01:18:15¡Shh!
01:18:41¡Shh!
01:18:41Bueno, creo que es el momento de ir para la Navidad.
01:18:46¿Te vas a ir a la Navidad?
01:18:47¡Shh!
01:18:50¡Shh!
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01:19:22¡Oh, you stink!
01:19:25Farting dog cargo hold longer story.
01:19:28Well, son, she's yours.
01:19:32But, Dad, I didn't make it home on time.
01:19:34Don't be silly. You were just a few seconds left here.
01:19:36No, no. Deal's a deal.
01:19:38Besides, she isn't ready yet.
01:19:40What do you mean?
01:19:41Well, we're not really finished fixing her up yet, are we?
01:19:44I mean, I'm sure it's going to take us a bunch more Christmases together to get all the work done.
01:19:49Don't you think?
01:19:51Yeah. 30 or 40, at least.
01:19:5636.
01:19:58Excuse me?
01:19:59My sweater says I'm a 36.
01:20:01Or a medium. Either will work.
01:20:05What's yours?
01:20:07Mine?
01:20:09Yeah, you know, for future information.
01:20:14Eight.
01:20:16Eight.
01:20:18I'll remember that.
01:20:21What the heck is that?
01:20:23That would be my parade.
01:20:25Ow.
01:20:25Excuse me?
01:20:26Excuse me.
01:20:36Hey!
01:20:37Wait a minute.
01:20:39That's our sled!
01:20:41That's the guy!
01:20:43Come on!
01:20:48Hey, buddy.
01:20:50You stole our sleigh.
01:20:52You're just so lucky you're wearing that suit.
01:20:56You know, a few days ago, I might not have agreed with you.
01:20:59Nice wings.
01:21:01Thanks.
01:21:02Took a sewing class.
01:21:04It shows.
01:21:06Peace.
01:21:07Okay.
01:21:09Come on, Santa.
01:21:10Give me a ride home.
01:21:10Let's all go for a ride.
01:21:11Come on.
01:21:13Oh, I love it.
01:21:14I've never been in a sleigh before.
01:21:15You better be careful.
01:21:16It's a rental.
01:21:17Woo!
01:21:18Woo!
01:21:19Woo!
01:21:21Woo!
01:21:22Woo!
01:21:24Woo!
01:21:26Woo!
01:21:27Merry Christmas!
01:21:46Merry Christmas.
01:21:50Happy holiday.
01:21:53Merry Christmas.
01:21:55Merry Christmas.
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