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00:00From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:04Tonight, Molly Shannon, Weird Al Yankovic,
00:08and music from Melanie Martinez with The Cletones.
00:14And now, Jimmy Kimmel!
00:35Well, hi, everybody.
00:36I'm Jimmy.
00:36I'm the host of the show.
00:40Thank you for joining us here in Los Angeles.
00:43We are very happy to have you.
00:46Oh, I appreciate that, but there's a lot going on.
00:50You know, the president is in Las Vegas right now.
00:52He's got a hotel with his name out there.
00:55You know that, Guillermo?
00:55Yeah, I did, yeah.
00:58No, I did not.
00:59You did not.
01:01There's something, I have to say,
01:02there's something comforting you about the old casino owner
01:05going back to the strip.
01:07It's like when Pennywise goes back into the sewer.
01:10And Trump is there to get people to pat him on the back
01:13for the polished turd he calls no tax on tips.
01:16He held a round table that included a police officer,
01:19a firefighter, and a construction worker today.
01:22Three of the five village people.
01:25The president had a running tantrum
01:28on the plane to Las Vegas.
01:29He lashed out four separate times against the federal judge,
01:33who today ordered them to pause construction
01:36on the above-ground portion of his big, beautiful ballroom.
01:39You know, he never got a green light to build anything,
01:42and the judge stopped it.
01:44He said national security is not a blank check
01:47to proceed with otherwise unlawful activity.
01:50But the good news for Trump is things appear to be moving forward
01:57to build what his press secretary inexplicably calls the triumphal arc.
02:01President Trump and the Department of Interior
02:04will submit plans for the United States triumphal arc,
02:07which will be an architectural masterpiece
02:09to celebrate our history right here in Washington, D.C.
02:13This is a rendering of the arc for you.
02:17Thank you, Peter.
02:18It's quite beautiful, as you can see.
02:21Yeah, well, it really captured his spirit.
02:26I don't know why she's saying arc.
02:28In America, we pronounce it arch,
02:30but it's an idea Trump lifted from the Arc de Triomphe in Paris,
02:35which was commissioned to honor French war heroes.
02:37The Arc de Triomphe has the names of generals
02:39who fought and died for France engraved on its face.
02:43Ours will have the name of the draft dodger
02:45who killed America on it.
02:47And Trump's arch is opposed by a lot of people,
02:51including a coalition of veterans and preservationists.
02:54They are his arch-arch nemeses, if you will.
02:57But it's gonna be...
02:58You get that, right, Guillermo?
03:00Not really.
03:01It's gonna be beautiful.
03:02It...
03:03It strikes the perfect balance
03:05between Scientology and Liberace
03:07that we have come to expect from our president.
03:10It will be situated near Arlington National Cemetery,
03:15the burial site of thousands of American soldiers
03:18whose fathers weren't leasing office space to a podiatrist.
03:21Arlington, it's a beautiful place.
03:23It's set up uniformly so that each grave
03:25is given equal significance, um, until now.
03:29Now, this will loom above it all.
03:31The question still remains
03:33as to whether the administration
03:34will get congressional approval for the project.
03:37And though I haven't done any digging on this yet,
03:40I can say with 100% certainty that they will not.
03:43Uh, the arch did get a bigly thumbs-up
03:45from the chair of Trump's commission of fine arts,
03:47Rodney Mims Cook, Jr.,
03:50seen here looking like the Hogwarts professor
03:53who got fired for ogling Hermione,
03:56thinks it's just great.
03:58And while Trump's designing dance floors
04:00and building monuments to himself,
04:02we are still at war.
04:03We're on day four of his blockade
04:05of the Strait of Hormuz this morning.
04:07Trump announced that Lebanon and Israel
04:09will enter a cease-fire.
04:11He took credit for it, of course.
04:12He said it is now the tenth war he's ended.
04:15I would love to ask him to list those wars that he's ended.
04:18Not a chance he gets past number four.
04:21And his battle with the pope shows no signs of slowing down.
04:24Pope Leo today said,
04:26Blessed are the peacemakers, and woe to those
04:29who manipulate religion in the very name of God
04:32for their own military, economic, and political gain,
04:35dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth.
04:38The world is being ravaged by a handful of tyrants.
04:41Geez.
04:43I wonder who he's talking about there.
04:48So, he really stepped in it with his pope stuff.
04:50He had to do a lot of tap dancing
04:52when the press got hold of him today.
04:54I have nothing against the pope.
04:55His brother's MAGA all the way.
04:57I like his brother, Lewis.
04:58I'm not fighting with him.
04:59I'm not fighting with him.
05:00I know the pope's brother.
05:01He is a big MAGA person.
05:03He's got MAGA all over his house.
05:05His name is Lewis.
05:06The pope, you know, I know his brother.
05:08His brother's MAGA all the way.
05:09You know that, Lewis.
05:10The pope has to understand that.
05:12It's very important that the pope understands.
05:14The pope has to understand.
05:15The pope has to understand.
05:16The pope has to understand.
05:18The pope has to understand.
05:19The pope has to understand.
05:19The pope has to understand.
05:20The pope has to understand.
05:20The pope has to understand.
05:21Tell that to the pope.
05:22Tell that to the pope.
05:23I have a right to disagree with the Pope.
05:24The Pope can disagree with me, so I can disagree with the Pope.
05:27As far as the Pope and saying what he wants, he can do that.
05:30The Pope can say what he wants.
05:32He's preaching the gospel.
05:33And what do you say to people that do that?
05:34Well, I want him to preach the gospel.
05:36I'm all about the gospel.
05:37I'm all about the gospel.
05:39I'm about it as much as anybody can be.
05:42That's right.
05:42It's all about the gospel.
05:44It's all about the gospel and he's all about that base.
05:48Those are his two things.
05:50I love when he talks about the Pope's brother.
05:52Like, that means anything at all.
05:54He's like, who needs the Pope?
05:56I got his retired Facebook conspiracy goofball Florida older brother.
06:02We also got a sermon today from Lauren Boebert of Colorado
06:06who had this to say about the recent exodus
06:09because of allegations of sexual misconduct
06:12by Congressman Eric Swalwell and Tony Gonzalez.
06:16Yeah, go to church. Find Jesus.
06:18Like, I mean, why is everybody so horny here?
06:22Come on, guys.
06:23This is Congress, not a matinee of Beetlejuice.
06:27Keep it in your pants where I can get at it.
06:31Speaking of horny individuals,
06:32Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is having one heck of a week.
06:35There's a new book that they say is based largely
06:38on his personal diaries that details the confession
06:42of what could reasonably describe as a sex maniac
06:45who could not stop cheating on his now-deceased wife.
06:48But that story has been overshadowed
06:50by yet another incident involving a dead animal.
06:53The book is called RFK Jr., The Fallen Rise.
06:56It says RFK once pulled over to the side of the road
06:59to carve out the penis of a dead raccoon
07:03while his wife and children waited in the car.
07:05He then took the souvenir home with him
07:08to, quote, study it later,
07:10which, I don't know, I grew up in the 80s.
07:12Whose dad didn't pull over to carve out a raccoon penis
07:15and study it later?
07:17I think that was the original ending to Zootopia, right?
07:21And this isn't hearsay.
07:22This is from his diary.
07:24It says I was standing in front of my parked car
07:27on I-684 cutting the penis out of a road-killed raccoon
07:31thinking about how weird some of my family members
07:35have turned out to be.
07:38But I knew what would send him straight.
07:40A little taste of hand-carved raccoon penis.
07:43He thinks his family turned out weird.
07:45This is like if Jeffrey Dahmer said,
07:47Ew, gross, Dad, what are you eating?
07:49But this is what Donald Trump has warned us about
07:52over and over and over again.
07:53You send your raccoon to school a boy,
07:56it comes home a girl.
07:58What in God's name is going on?
08:00You know, I-I don't know about you.
08:04I remember a time in this country
08:06when we ended Dan Quayle's career
08:08because he misspelled the word potato.
08:11Now we have this.
08:12This guy telling us what to put in our bodies
08:14can't drive past a festering animal
08:17without beheading its boner
08:19and throwing it in the backseat with his kids.
08:21You know, and here's another weird thing.
08:23Raccoon penis?
08:24Also J.D. Vance's Secret Service code name.
08:29Of course, I...
08:31A story like this
08:33you could build a whole month around.
08:35I did some research.
08:36Raccoons do actually have unusual peni.
08:39This is called a baculum.
08:41It is a J-shaped bone found in there.
08:44It's in he...
08:45RFK wanted to collect and study as many of these as he could
08:49in the hope that he could someday stop his own monstrous boners
08:52from chasing every woman he meets.
08:54Somehow TMZ caught up with RFK today
08:57to ask him a question that needed to be asked.
08:59Secretary, what did you do with the raccoon's dead penis?
09:02Where is it now?
09:04Uh...
09:08It's in heaven now.
09:10Has TMZ always been allowed to wander the halls of the Capitol building
09:14asking about animal penises?
09:16There's actually a reason why our top health official
09:19needed that little raccoon jerky stick,
09:22and it was for science.
09:23He needed roadkill samples for his experiments
09:26bringing dead raccoon penises back to life.
09:35This morning, Kennedy appeared before the House Ways and Means Committee
09:40to defend budget cuts the Trump administration
09:41is planning to make to his Department of Health.
09:44And now, I do want to say,
09:45I think some of what he's trying to do is good,
09:48you know, promoting healthy foods, no red dyes,
09:51but most of what he's doing is insane.
09:52Here he is talking about the dangers of something
09:54we're all concerned about, microplastics.
09:58The average American has a teaspoonful of microplastics in his brain.
10:02Almost 1% of brain volume is now microplastics.
10:05That couldn't be a good thing.
10:07The amount in our brains has doubled over the past five years.
10:13So this is rising exponentially,
10:15and it is an existential crisis.
10:18Well, first of all, I appreciate the concern.
10:20There's little to no scientific evidence
10:22that microplastics are now 1% of our brains.
10:25His brain, maybe.
10:26I wouldn't be surprised to find a whole set of Tupperware
10:29in that brain of his, but the rest of us know.
10:32And if you're so worried about microplastics in your body,
10:36why are you drinking out of a plastic water bottle
10:39while you warn us about it?
10:42And not only there,
10:43on his podcast, too.
10:45He's got plastic water bottles.
10:47The H in MAHA stands for hypocrite.
10:50And that was just the tip of the iceberg.
10:52Listen to this question and his response to it.
10:54You said every black kid
10:57is now just standardly put on Adderall,
11:00SSRI, benzos,
11:03which are known to induce violence,
11:05and that those children
11:06are going to have to go somewhere
11:09to get reparented.
11:11Have you ever reparented,
11:13or parented, I should say,
11:15a black child?
11:16I don't even know what that phrase means,
11:19and I doubt that I said it.
11:20A yes or no answer.
11:21I doubt that I said that phrase?
11:22No.
11:23I'm not going to answer something that I didn't say.
11:25You absolutely said it.
11:27I'd like to hear the recording.
11:29So to be clear, sir,
11:31it doesn't make any sense.
11:32I don't even know what it means.
11:34I don't either.
11:36Wow, you know,
11:37if only there was some way for someone
11:38to get their hands on that recording.
11:42Psychiatric drugs,
11:43which every black kid has now
11:45just standardly put on Adderall,
11:48SSRIs,
11:49benzos,
11:50which are known to induce violence.
11:53And those kids are going to have a chance
11:56to go somewhere
11:57and get reparented.
12:01Reparently, he did say it.
12:02Think about how crazy you have to be
12:05to say something like that.
12:06And then not only do you have no recollection of it,
12:08you think it sounds nuts and makes no sense.
12:12That's the guy in charge of our children's medications.
12:15So yesterday,
12:19Bobby Brainworm became the first Secretary of Health
12:22to launch a podcast.
12:23It's called the Secretary Kennedy Podcast.
12:25He has a promo that says he's going to expose all the lies we've been told,
12:29which sounds like bad news for his boss.
12:31And you know he's serious because he's even wearing a shirt for this.
12:35I'm Robert F. Kennedy Jr., your HHS secretary.
12:38This podcast is about telling the truth,
12:41especially when it's uncomfortable.
12:43That's right.
12:43It's about telling the truth,
12:45not about getting bogged down on things like
12:47how to pronounce the word especially.
12:50I'm very curious about that.
12:52I'm very curious about a lot of things with this guy,
12:53so I thought it might be fun to check in with him.
12:55And joining us now,
12:56please say hello to our Secretary of Health and Human Services
12:59and new podcast host, RFK Jr., Jr.
13:03Hello, if you can't help me do it.
13:07Secretary, I don't...
13:08Don't talk to us today.
13:09Don't even want you to drink paint thinner.
13:12It's hogwash.
13:13Secretary...
13:13Anyway, thank you.
13:14We'll be right back after this message from our sponsor,
13:17Gorilladick Protein Champion.
13:19Secretary, I'm so sorry.
13:22Kimmel!
13:23Yeah?
13:23Never interrupt me,
13:26especially when I'm in the middle of my new podcast.
13:29Well, you know,
13:30I do want to talk to you about your podcast,
13:32but first I want to ask about the story that came out
13:34that says you pulled over on a family road trip
13:37to cut the penis off a dead raccoon.
13:40Yeah, but it's not what you think.
13:44The penis is their first sucking.
13:48What?
13:50I said sucking.
13:53That's what I thought you said, yeah.
13:54Clean your ears out.
13:56I said I suck on them.
13:57You see, raccoon dogs are nature's toothpicks.
14:01I have some here.
14:02Yeah!
14:08They're nature's toothpicks.
14:10Yeah.
14:13I use these to help me quit smoking.
14:16Okay, I see.
14:17Meth!
14:18Okay.
14:19So now...
14:20You want to try one?
14:21No, no, thank you.
14:22I'm in L.A.
14:23And you're somewhere far away.
14:24Oh, I bet you're one of those vegans, huh, soy boy?
14:28No, I'm not.
14:29Now, the promo for you...
14:30You're too good for raccoon penis!
14:32Your podcast promo says you're going to expose
14:35all the lies we've been told.
14:37Which lies are you referring to specifically?
14:39Oh, the big ones.
14:41Like, uh, did you know that asthma is fake?
14:45I did not, and no, it isn't.
14:47Oh, here it is, trust me.
14:50Asthma was invented by Big Inhaler
14:53so that fat kids could all play laser tag.
14:57Fascinating.
14:58So, hey, where can we find your podcast?
15:01I'm exclusively on Twitchy.
15:03It's Twitch.
15:04It's not Twitchy.
15:05No, no, Twitchy.
15:07It's my new energy drink.
15:08Oh.
15:09I made it with bus station amphetamines
15:12and the spunk that we milk out of great white shocks.
15:15I'm on Twitchy right now!
15:18It does.
15:19Looks like it's working.
15:20Yeah, la, la, la, la!
15:22Woo!
15:22Woo!
15:24Woo!
15:24Woo!
15:25Woo!
15:25Woo!
15:29Secretary, yeah.
15:31That reminds me.
15:32What?
15:34I have some ad reads to record,
15:36so kindly shut the f*** up.
15:38Okay.
15:41I...
15:42I'm a Kennedy boy.
15:43have you always wanted to be on the spectrum but never got the chance well
15:48now you can with Tylenol hold on a second you're doing an ad for Tylenol
15:56didn't you tell people not to take Tylenol I doubt that I said that I'm
16:03not going to answer something that I didn't say well you absolutely said that
16:07oh well I'd like to hear the recording anyways I got one more ad read to do for
16:13MailChimp man with the email marketing company no not that MailChimp this MailChimp
16:19is a meal service once a week we mail you a live mail chimpanzee that you can eat
16:26they put up a hell of a fight but trust me the meat on these little bastards makes a wicked
16:33delicious
16:34casserole yeah you distracted me Kimmel you owe me a lunch monkey oh I'm so sorry I did not mean
16:42to
16:43release your monkey there we're back from break welcome back to the podcast you know my first
16:50guest from the plandemic please say hello to the bat who started COVID all right I know you're not
16:59vaccinated so will you be going to the hospital or what no no hospitals dummy I gotta bite it back
17:05within five minutes or I'll be magnetized forever
17:08good luck with Secretary R.F.K. Jr. Jr.
17:16good time for you back
17:18all right we got a fun show tonight we'll hear Val Yankovic is here
17:21we have music from Melanie Martinez and we'll be back with
17:38you're welcome back tonight he is beloved by young and old alike you can see him live on the bigger
17:45and weirder tour weird Al Yankovic is with us and then later
17:49a multi-platinum selling artist from New York this is her new album Hades Melanie Martinez is here
17:56next week we are uh we're jam-packed next week with a lineup of guests including Ringo Starr
18:03Ray Romano Adam Scott John Favreau Tracy Morgan Cal Penn Governor Tim Walls will be here we'll have music
18:10from Bleachers and James and another James the great and powerful James Taylor will be with us and also
18:16I want to mention uh sitting in with the Clitos all this week her band Polyrhythmics has a new song
18:22coming out on May 5th it's called got to be for something
18:25Adrian DeLeon hello thank you so much for being here with us you sound great
18:31all right our first guest tonight is an Emmy nominated actor and a six season SNLer with a personality that
18:37illuminates everything in her path her new movie is the action comedy Balls Up it's on Prime Video now
18:43please welcome Molly Shannon
19:06we got a couple of waiters from the place there yeah yeah are you kidding I used to work there
19:15you
19:15did too yeah what I was a waitress there yes they are waiters at the old spaghetti factory are you
19:22kidding
19:22holy moly what do you know what I did once it was so unprofessional go ahead I did like the
19:29job because
19:29it was such a big restaurant and you have to run all over with giant plates and but once there
19:34were
19:34all these it was packed and I saw a rat and I made such a big deal I was like
19:40it's a rat and I told the
19:42whole restaurant and they're like screaming and I threw my dishes and the managers were like Molly
19:47next time you see a rat you cannot make such a seed isn't that terrible funny what they now they
19:56call
19:57the rat the Vesuvius
20:05I'm sure I'm sure there are no rats anymore I'm sure they've cleaned all of those out you know as
20:11restaurants get older they get cleaner in general
20:14right of course wow did you see did you work as a waitress a lot was that something you did
20:18regularly
20:18I did I was a hostess at cravings for years and I worked at Melrose's yeah cravings on sunset I
20:26was
20:26this and then I worked at Melrose Melrose baking company horn and hard hat dino mat I worked I worked
20:32all did you wait on famous people yes yes who well when I was a hostess Jennifer Anderson came in
20:39your friend and she was so lovely it was before I knew her to cravings okay and she was like
20:44beautiful
20:45and and I was just studying her for my hostess booth and she had like long gorgeous hair and she
20:50was having like preparing a lunch with her agents and she got there early to check the table and I
20:55was like studying what it's like to be a superstar I was like wow like Jennifer Aniston means business
21:01and she had crystal crystal blue eyes and it was before she was on friends and I really did I
21:06was like
21:07wow this girl is extreme she is gonna she's gonna go to big you got that sense even before you
21:13knew
21:13who she was from TV yes well she was doing a lot of she was booked always booking pilots at
21:18that time
21:18so I knew who she was okay pre-friends interest but I was like wow she is a hustler like
21:23this girl is good
21:24oh and um yeah and I just I studied her and and it was it was great I was so
21:30impressed with her
21:31business savvy sure yeah yeah the restaurant early checking out the table and then Julia Roberts
21:36used to come in too for breakfast and I was like oh it's Julia Roberts I've told the story before
21:40but she just ordered sausage and I was like that's so interesting sausage just sausage yeah just sausage
21:47I was like maybe she already had breakfast before I had like a lot of thoughts like just sausage I
21:52was
21:53like interesting superstars eat sausage maybe she only eats sausage maybe that's all she eats maybe that
21:58is just how she stays so lovely all the time just just protein no carbs yeah yeah you uh do
22:04you go back
22:04to New York like does 30 Rock much do you go back there at all and say hello to the
22:09old gang
22:09I do I love going back and I go to the parties and I see Lauren for dinner all the
22:14time I'm still so
22:15close to him and yes I love going back so if I'm in town I'll go see a show or
22:19go to the after party
22:20and my daughter goes to school in New York City so I'm always visiting but yeah I was there a
22:24couple
22:24months ago and um I was actually right by 30 Rock but I was like in a hurry and I
22:30was I was I had to
22:31run somewhere and I stopped to get a carrot juice and a fan came over to me and she was
22:35like I'm such
22:36a fan of yours and I was like oh my gosh thank you I was like I wish I could
22:41talk longer but I have
22:42I'm in a hurry I have to go somewhere and I was like she goes you don't know your performances
22:46have
22:47meant so much to me and I go that is so sweet I was like thank you you made my
22:51day
22:51and she was like and then I had to walk away and then I turned around and looked at her
22:59and waved
22:59and she stopped on the sidewalk and she was like I don't believe you she said she said she didn't
23:07believe me when I said that she that when I said you made my day and I was like wah
23:12wah I was like oh god
23:15but then I thought I was like maybe she really didn't make my day you know what I mean like
23:21well not after that she didn't yeah the truth is is I was like god maybe she's right maybe I'm
23:26just a big phony wow no no isn't that funny that is interesting yeah yeah yeah yeah wait I want
23:34to
23:34say one thing it's weird that she would say that I know yeah people say weird things like they get
23:37nervous and they're very suspicious it was like yeah she was like like where's the camera like this
23:43yeah she was like I don't believe you like she cast a spell on me yeah I was like she's
23:51right
23:51she's right no I want to do this interview oh a part one and part two oh okay part one
23:58is going to be
24:00with my jacket oh part two I'm going to take the jacket off I like that it's like an award
24:05show
24:05there are costume changes we're in part one right now this is part one and you can pick which one
24:13you like better okay I give you permission okay all right all right all right so well maybe we should
24:19take I feel like maybe we should take a break right now then and then come back and we get
24:25to
24:25we'll have part two of the interview with the conclusion part two of our interview of our two-part
24:31interview with Molly Shannon continues after this may I suggest a change of clothes maybe a wetsuit
24:41let Elijah finish please I relate to what you're saying because I myself have often felt a man's
24:47balls lightly tapping me from behind like pieces of warm dog dangling in a plastic food bag it's
24:53unnerving and disgusting that is unnerving sorry is Steve from HR here I didn't invite him
25:01ugh a fun police uh actually I'm here
25:14Paul Walter Hauser and Mark Wahlberg
25:17Abe Farrelly Abe Farrelly playing the HR
25:21oh is that right yes oh family member yes yes yes of the Farrelly's yes and directed by the great
25:27Oscar winning Peter Farrelly yes yes yes that's fun huh yes it seems like a fun it's like it was
25:33a fun
25:33set oh the most fun the most fun go out for dinner more fun than any of the other sets
25:37you've ever
25:38been on you like these people better than your other no I like them all okay fairly just makes it
25:43so
25:43fun same with Bobby Farrelly I mean they're like the greatest I've known them for years
25:47and I've shot with them and Mark Wahlberg is great did you work out with Mark no but he does
25:52a cold plunge early in the morning like 3 a.m gets up eat just protein and Abe and and
25:58and
25:58I mean really just so disciplined he's very inspiring so I got a cold plunge after working with Mark Wahlberg
26:03yes because I was like oh my god I love how discipline always knows his lines really well
26:08and so Abe Farrelly and I would always be like we want to be like Mark Wahlberg so yes so
26:12now so I did
26:13a cold plunge before I came here today do you like it do you use it regularly I love it
26:16every day
26:17every day it's so good it makes you really relaxed it seems terrible it's because it's cold yeah it's
26:23so cold you are uh doing a tv show next with Will Ferrell yes yes I'm doing a show called
26:29The Hawk
26:30that's gonna be on Netflix I'm so excited Netflix show he plays a golfer right he plays a golfer
26:34wait I'm gonna take my jacket off now for part two oh right we've got part two I forgot
26:38it's part two it's part two cause I couldn't I couldn't thank you thank you cause I couldn't decide
26:52you know what I'm gonna take I couldn't decide if I should wear the jacket or not I'm gonna take
27:08one
27:08these are your shoes well this is one of them the other one it's almost identical the other one
27:12I you know it's not a lot of creativity when it comes to shoes oh you met did you meet
27:17Will at
27:18Saturday Night Live we met we met we had years ago I worked at a coffee place Mel and Rose
27:24baking
27:24company like a cappuccino scone place and a comedian from The Groundlings Patricia Cotter said she goes Molly
27:30I really want you to meet this really funny guy from The Groundlings named Will Ferrell so she brought him
27:35into the restaurant Mel and Rose baking company and I waited him and and we clicked right away
27:40and I I was like what can may I take your order it's so nice to meet you Will and
27:44he said I will
27:45have a scone and so I brought him a scone and a latte and we've been friends ever since 30
27:50years
27:54have you ever seen the real the serious side of Will because he seems always always pretty upbeat
28:00yeah yeah he is always upbeat and he's so genuine and very intelligent like you
28:05a deep thinker but one night one night when we were at SNL we had just started and I was
28:10so
28:10excited like oh my god this job's so great and Will was kind of dark and he was like I
28:15don't know
28:15who knows how long this is going to last and I really don't think this was 30 years ago he
28:20goes I
28:21really don't think I don't know I just think it's show it's not going to last long and I think
28:27actors
28:28are eventually going to be replaced by robots and and it's not gonna they're not going to need human
28:34actors anymore and I was like what are you crazy like I was like you're being so dark and he
28:39was
28:39like no I really think they're not gonna they're it's gonna we're gonna be replaced by robots they
28:44won't need humans and I I thought he was crazy and he said but you know it would be fine
28:50because I
28:50could have a job working as a dog groomer or as a UPS driver or as a coach and still
28:56be happy and I was
28:57like okay but we went down like a dark street but Will was right and we die laughing about it
29:03now we're like god who knew Will Ferrell was some kind of a dark lord
29:10I think he's coming on in a couple weeks we're gonna have to interrogate him about see if he has
29:14any other things to tell us exactly well it's great to see you congratulations on the movie and
29:20the show the movie is called balls up it's on prime video now molly shannon everybody we'll be back
29:25next week on jimmy kimmel live ringo star tracy morgan john favreau ray romano and adam scott
29:47plus music from bleachers and james taylor
30:02is on the way it takes a special type of genius to hear the word sharona and make it bologna
30:08and go
30:08on to become one of the most beloved americans of all time you can see him live starting next month
30:14on the bigger and weirder tour please welcome weird al yankovic
30:34oh that that was a weird thing to do you know yeah i didn't want to disappoint you
30:41you never disappoint how are you it's good to see you do you remember the last time i saw you
30:45in an elevator or somewhere we're in an elevator at my orthodontist office yeah we
30:48always seem to meet there and we started talking to each other and there was one
30:52other guy in there who i could just tell by the look on his face felt he must have been
30:57high or
30:58something was happening because he wandered into our conversation he probably just got
31:02uh enough anesthetized perhaps oh maybe that's what was going on there yeah uh you are well you
31:09the word weird i was thinking about weird al the name today and you probably didn't know this would
31:14stick with you for your whole life kind of not no and i was trying to think of other weirds
31:19and i
31:20thought like weird herald and like weird barbie or whatever but that's not they none of them compare
31:25i i own the weird better than anybody else yeah like we've got so many i mean there are uh
31:33there
31:33are lils and there are uh bigs and there are intermediates yeah youngs and kids and you know
31:41but there's only one weird al and you are yeah um you are you started in in college radio which
31:48is
31:48where i started my like broadcasting well that's where the name weird al came from because everybody
31:52needed some kind of wacky air name and i thought oh weird al seems to fit what were the other
31:57names
31:57of the other guys you remember it was like macho mike and the sheriff and you know all these crazy
32:03names
32:03and and that's where you recorded my bologna right yeah and there's a plaque there right now um we ran
32:10some lines from the uh kcpr that's our campus radiation from the production uh office into uh the
32:16bathroom right across the hall because of course everything sounds better in a bathroom with a nice
32:20reverb from the wall even better than the recording studio pretty much yeah we use 24 track bathrooms
32:24now it's got you uh but yeah in fact so so to this day there's a plaque on the side
32:30of that bathroom
32:31saying this is where weird al recorded my bologna that's funny yeah and at that time you didn't get
32:35like clearance from the knack to to write that song did you at the time no because i was just
32:42like
32:42literally a teenager like just sending in tapes to the doctor to mount her radio show doctor
32:46de meno right yeah right okay that makes sense and and you know never thinking oh this is going
32:51to be a record or whatever but i ran into the knack uh at a concert at cal poly that
32:56came to play
32:56and i weaseled my way backstage and i i met doug feiger the lead singer of the band and i
33:01said hey
33:02doug it's uh al yankovic and oh you're the my balona guy and he turned to the guy next to
33:07him who's the
33:07vice president of capital records and said you should put this guy's record out really and he did
33:15that's fantastic and by the by the middle of the 80s you'd become so popular that artists
33:21big artists were asking you to parody their songs like didn't madonna come up i've heard with like
33:28a surgeon or is that her story it's it's uh it's uh there's truth in that it's a little blown
33:33out
33:34out of proportion and i didn't help matters with my biopic where we really expounded on
33:38uh but but basically the story is that she was talking to a friend of hers in new york one
33:42day just
33:43and just offhandedly said oh i wonder what weird i was going to do like a surgeon and her friend
33:47happened to know a friend of my manager and telephone game got back to me and i thought oh
33:51not a bad idea did you ever have um big artists pitch you ideas that you're like no that's not
33:56good
33:56i'm not gonna do it every every now and then i'll be in a party and somebody will come up
34:00to me when are
34:01you going to get around to doing one of my songs i'm really offended that i haven't gotten but they
34:05don't have the idea for you oh they they might have i think i ran into fred durst at a
34:10party and he had
34:10some kind of great idea for i did it all for the nookie i forget what it was i thought
34:15that was
34:15a parody song it could have been when did you finally feel like like okay i've made it i'm now
34:21was there a moment or no not well i mean i i knew that i was going to be weird
34:26out full time when uh
34:27my first single hit the billboard charts i was literally working in the mail room uh i think for
34:31minimum wage at the time and uh and i picked up the mail and billboard magazine was sticking out of
34:36the
34:36bag and i opened it up to the charts and there i was and i thought i should give notice
34:39i should
34:41what was your biggest biggest hit was it um was it uh eat it or was it an amish paradise
34:47it was eat
34:47it for a long time but uh white and nerdy actually white and nerdy was the biggest hit wow my
34:53only
34:54it's my only platinum single i think it sold over a million it was my only top 10 single so
34:58i'm no
34:58longer the eat it guy i'm officially the white and nerdy guy do you feel like yeah it's more appropriate
35:03i think if you gain 100 pounds you could be the eat it guy yeah um it fluctuates do you
35:08feel like
35:08the younger people know you from the amish paradise song mostly or it's it's really there's like a
35:14half a dozen hits that you know i think people really respond to i mean if you go to my
35:18live
35:18shows some people cosplay they'll dress up like like amish people or or or like you know or jedi
35:24knights or whatever they're just dressed as amish people maybe there are actual amish people on
35:29rumspringa you know did you ever get a reaction from the amish community on that song you know
35:33they're not big mtv watchers apparently yeah but i do you know i do run into them from time to
35:40time and
35:40uh i actually saw something online he pulls over and uh i saw on lines uh there was an amish
35:47person
35:47that that heard coolio's uh gangster's paradise for the first time and he was like this is not amish
35:52paradise but it's like really offended like it's not funny at all what are you doing i do want to
35:58ask you about a photograph because this is a one of the great 80s photographs uh there's you little
36:03stephen and peter herman are you just was this a celebrity event it was i think it was a rock
36:09and
36:09bowl it was uh maybe for the tj martell foundation it was a charity event and a bunch of people
36:14got up
36:15and uh and bowled for charity who was the best bowler in the group oh it's been uh several decades
36:20but i'm
36:21going to say me yeah you yeah well you know what i i found a parallel between guys who can
36:26play
36:26accordion and guys who bowl there seems to be the venn diagrams two circles just right yeah yeah yeah
36:31two bowling balls yeah anyway uh you are the tour is called bigger and weird is it bigger and weirder
36:39is that just it's it's it's uh it was both it is the name but it is in fact it's
36:42bigger the biggest
36:43tour we've been to date okay uh and uh i would like say i i'll say i'll say weirder as
36:48well yes weirder
36:49yeah what what can we look forward to seeing part of the weirdness the live weirdness so you
36:55have an opening act uh yeah puddles pity party oh yeah i know what that is yeah yeah seven foot
37:00clown
37:00is an amazing singer i hate to describe it beyond that because it's kind of an indescribable act you
37:05just have to see it okay all right amazing uh and uh as far as the tour if you saw
37:09the 2025 bigger and
37:11roider tour it's the same tour okay so but if you haven't seen it it's me and the band it's
37:17sort of a
37:18uh i guess the greatest hits tour we're doing uh all the the the big fan favorites a few deep
37:22cuts
37:23as with all our big tours there's costume changes and and film clips and and uh computer servers and
37:29probably it's just a it's it's madness it's great all right well here there you go go see weird al
37:34on tour it's called the bigger and weirder tour you can get tickets at weirdal.com weird al yankovic
37:41everybody we'll be back with melanie martinez
37:43and thanks to molly shannon thanks to weird al thanks to adrian de leon and apologies to matt damon
37:55nightlight is next but first this is her album hades here with the song possession melanie martinez
38:15i had my head real hard i woke up in a jar on top of his blue metal shelf full
38:25of trinkets
38:26and he dusts me off each day i made the porcelain clay i feed him kisses so i don't write
38:36down the pieces
38:38and now he's hungry i feed him heavy he's screaming at me loud screaming at me loud screaming at me
38:51i'm
38:54i'm
38:55i'm
38:55i'm
39:01i'll be a good
39:06you won't see me cry
39:09when women come by
39:36He leaves me all alone
39:40From dust to dust
39:43I clean up after all
39:45I'm a housekeeper
39:49He comes home drunk at night
39:51Of course he picks a fight
39:54I try my best to bite my throat
39:57But it keeps bleeding
40:00How could he love me
40:02If he won't see me
40:05Crying with a knife
40:07Wanna take my life
40:08Never choose him
40:09Life
40:12Baby, I'm your possession
40:15Handle me like a weapon
40:18Gas on your head
40:20Tell me, keep quiet
40:21I'll go a long way down
40:23Put me up like a prize
40:26I'll be a good housewife
40:29You won't see me cry
40:31When women come by
40:32I'll go a long way down
40:35Jump, jump, jump, jump
40:38Dee-do-dum, deal-dum
40:40Jump, jump, jump, jump
40:44And baby, I'm your diplomacy
40:46Zhu-dum, love
40:48Don't
40:48Dream, hope
40:52Don't
40:52Maybe
40:53Through the keys of the left
40:58Yes we're down
41:00Maid-yons, Diddy-um, Diddy-um, Diddy-um
41:05Diddy-um, Diddy-um
41:05To the keys of the left
41:05Lady, Christmas, Father, God.
41:36Lady, Christmas, Father, God.
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