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00:12I'm just going to put up. It's okay if I put up.
00:22So sorry, I think my sleeve is sort of inside of me somehow.
00:26Let me help you.
00:27No, no, no. I've got it.
00:28I'm just going to take a breath out of the car.
00:34Sorry.
00:36I'm normally really good at taking my coat off.
00:39I think I'm just tired.
00:41I got up really early this morning to do a sunrise aura reset
00:46because my best friend, Eddie, she has this amazing new friend
00:50who's like a healer, and I'm getting to learn all about her
00:54because she's like always there.
00:56Oh, sorry.
01:05I'm just here to have lunch with my dad.
01:08We've actually been estranged for three years,
01:10but I'm in like a really good place.
01:12I think you should see that.
01:14And, you know, also he will die one day, pretty soon due to his lifestyle choices.
01:21And I don't want to feel guilty at his funeral.
01:23He's just very...
01:25Well, you know what dads are like.
01:27My dad died before he was born.
01:29That is so...
01:30Do you have a reservation?
01:31Um, yeah, it's under Mark Anderson.
01:35The other party is already here.
01:38This way, please.
01:47You can make it on your own, right?
01:48Yep.
01:50I told Ricky, you'll have to do it without me.
01:52There's nothing funny about watching people working in an office.
01:57He goes on about it every time I see him.
01:59Maggie!
02:00There you are.
02:01Sit.
02:03Are you all right?
02:05You're not taking that time of Alium again, are you?
02:09Is there anything you want to say to me?
02:12Hello?
02:13We haven't spoken in three years.
02:15Oh, yes, we have.
02:17No, we haven't...
02:17Oh, yeah, I saw you last year at Emma's wedding.
02:19That was six years ago.
02:21I don't think so.
02:22We're estranged.
02:23Did you...
02:25Did you not know that?
02:27No, I did not know that.
02:35Have you lost weight?
02:37You look less...
02:38Puffy.
02:41Excuse me, I'm just going to...
02:45Piss.
03:14Piss.
03:15Piss.
03:15Piss.
03:30Oh, my God.
03:31Oh, my God.
03:32It is going so badly with my dad.
03:35Wait, let me put you on speaker.
03:36Winnie's right here.
03:38Oh, no, no, no, that's not...
03:39Hey, Maggie.
03:40I hope you're wearing your unity crystal.
03:42Have you led him through a brief grounding chant,
03:45like I suggest that?
03:46Oh, no, no, no, that's not...
03:46No, not yet.
03:47Then get back out there, girl.
03:49It's just...
03:52Dad hadn't actually noticed.
03:54We were estranged,
03:56which begs the question,
03:58can you even be estranged from someone
04:00if the other person has no idea?
04:02You know, what would really help
04:03is a percussive bonding ritual.
04:06Okay, great, yeah.
04:07I'll try that then.
04:09Oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry.
04:11No, it can't be done by an amateur.
04:13I wish it was that simple.
04:16Do it, Whit.
04:17I mean, I perfected the technique.
04:21You know what?
04:22I'd love to give this gift to you, Maggie.
04:25Could you bring Pops to us?
04:27My rain stick does not travel well.
04:29Oh, yeah.
04:30No, that sounds amazing.
04:32I just don't know if I could get my dad
04:34to go along with it.
04:35Max, I know your dad's a menace,
04:37but Whitney's done this a hundred times.
04:40She's the reason Angelina
04:41lets John Boyt around for Christmas.
04:47Well, don't ask, don't get, right?
04:50Ah, amazing!
04:52You're really starting to become someone of substance, Maggie.
04:55Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
05:00Great.
05:10So, even though you haven't noticed, we are estranged.
05:15I'm not sure that's possible if one of the estranged is unaware that he's estranged.
05:20Yeah, I'm pretty sure a normal parent would have noticed they haven't spoken to their daughter in over three calendar
05:25years.
05:26Oh, it hasn't been that long?
05:27Yes, it has.
05:27All right, we can pretend it has, if that's what you prefer.
05:31Well, we don't need to pretend because it is the literal truth.
05:33Your generation is wholly responsible for the rampant overuse of the word literal.
05:39It literally makes me want to carry a dictionary around so I can throw it...
05:43You reached out to me.
05:45I have been doing great without you.
05:46Work has been amazing.
05:47I have a play.
05:48So sorry, Mr. Anderson.
05:49I wanted to send a little something over.
05:51I'm a huge fan.
05:52I had the DVD box set of Man-Ager.
05:55I used to watch it literally every day before school.
05:58No, I wish you were still on TV.
05:59Oh, please.
06:00Come on.
06:01Is it your man's game?
06:02You could do Taskmaster.
06:04You'd be so funny.
06:05Can we get another water, please?
06:08Of course.
06:08Oh, thank you so much.
06:18You know, Maggie, it's really telling how people treat restaurant staff.
06:23We were having a conversation.
06:25No, we were having a conversation.
06:27As I was saying...
06:28That's a fizz.
06:34Are you drinking again?
06:44Oh, come on, Maggie.
06:46Try and relax.
06:52Thanks.
07:10Hey, just out of interest.
07:11What do you think of people who are, like, into crystals and...
07:14First to go in my revolution.
07:15Yeah, that's what I thought.
07:23Come on, you were telling me about your work.
07:25Um, yeah.
07:28So, um, my play, Like Glue, nearly won this huge award.
07:32Only nearly.
07:35Well, I got down to the final five out of thousands of submissions, so...
07:38Oh, wow.
07:39My agent said a lot of the theatre's really interested in it.
07:42So what's your plan B?
07:44Sorry?
07:44Well, you've been trying to get the writing going for some years now.
07:47Isn't it time that, you know, you considered exploring other avenues?
07:54Hmm.
08:01Yeah, I'm going to need another one of these.
08:06I am going to have the burger, please.
08:08Yes, sir.
08:11Actually, I'll have the, um, Caesar salad.
08:13Yeah, I'll, um, I'll have the burger, please.
08:16Yes, sir.
08:18Right.
08:18So, I've got something to ask you.
08:20And, uh, I'd like to get this out of the way, if I might.
08:24I realise I haven't been the most family-orientated father, but, uh, you know, to be fair to me, I've
08:30had my work...
08:31There is a woman over there who has not stopped staring at us.
08:33Tends to happen.
08:34No, but, like, I recognise her, like, I swear I've met her before.
08:37Maggie, please concentrate.
08:39Tonight, the National Comedy Awards are presenting me with a Lifetime Achievement Award.
08:46OK.
08:50Congratulations.
08:51Well, thank you.
08:53And I'd like you to come with me.
08:56As you know, I gave up television, oh, what, 20 years ago, and I, um, I normally turn these kind
09:01of things down, but I thought,
09:03no, no, no, it might be nice now to acknowledge the impact my work has had on the British comedy
09:07landscape.
09:08You know, my parents are long gone, and as lovely as your mother may be,
09:12I realised shortly after our wedding that marriage probably wasn't for me.
09:18Shortly after your wedding?
09:19So essentially, Maggie, you are my only family, and I would like my family with me tonight.
09:28I'm just a little, um, taken aback, I suppose, because you have never, ever included me in anything to do
09:35with your work, or indeed, life, before.
09:38Well, I'm a private man.
09:40I am your biological child.
09:41Tonight is important.
09:45And you are important to me.
09:56How I stupidly cast a dog.
09:59I mean, what was I thinking?
10:02You're all the time, yapping away.
10:04You know what?
10:05Someone nicked it.
10:06Ran off with it.
10:08I don't know, people stole everything in those days.
10:11Nineties were much simpler.
10:12Hey, do you know we had an on-set coke deal?
10:16No, you didn't.
10:17Yeah, yeah.
10:18Do you know, I put him in series three,
10:19after the actor we originally cast got hit by a jet ski.
10:24Yes!
10:25There were so many more jet ski accidents back then.
10:27You know where?
10:27It was a weekly occurrence.
10:29Mum.
10:32Yes.
10:37Oh, poo on me.
10:39I beg your pardon.
10:40Um.
10:49Sorry, tell me more about this.
10:54What?
10:57Oh.
11:02Okay.
11:04Um, okay, um, okay, I'll come.
11:06What?
11:07Excellent.
11:08Yeah, if you do something for me now.
11:10What?
11:11What?
11:11What's going on?
11:12Look, Eddie has become one of those crystal woo-woo people,
11:17and she goes everywhere with this awful TikTok hippie named Whitney,
11:20and long story short,
11:21they are coming here to perform a father-daughter healing ceremony
11:23using a rain stick, and I can't stop them.
11:25So just say nothing or nod,
11:28and basically if we get through this,
11:29I will come with you to your awards saying,
11:30do we have a deal?
11:33Is Eddie your boyfriend?
11:35No.
11:36Eddie is a girl.
11:36She's my friend.
11:37You have met her several times.
11:42Ah, do we have a deal?
11:43I'm not sure what the deal is, but all right, fine.
11:46Just say nothing.
11:47We're not.
11:47Okay, it's A, girl.
11:48Mr. Anderson, hi.
11:50I'm Whitney.
11:52I am sure Maggie has told you all about me,
11:54but I am a professional light worker,
11:57and well, since losing my own father,
11:59I've become particularly passionate about helping daddies.
12:03I just spoke to the hostess,
12:04who was such a sweetheart, by the way.
12:06Literally an angel.
12:07Yeah, I love her as well.
12:09And she's actually given us use of the private dining room
12:12for a couple of hours.
12:13I mean, God, isn't that so kind?
12:16So kind.
12:17So we'll go set up, and once we're done,
12:19and, well, we can get started.
12:21Oh.
12:22If you're concerned about the friction inherent in Maggie's aura,
12:29we've been working hard on that.
12:32I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
12:36Oh, I'll see you in there.
12:45There's so many places I could start,
12:47but professional light worker is as good as any.
12:50No, don't.
12:51Look, I just need to figure out a way to get the man out of here.
12:53What possessed you to go along with something as excruciating as this?
12:58Eddie is my best friend, and I just want to support her.
13:00Oh, cut the shit.
13:01You're not doing this to be supportive.
13:03You're doing this because your best friend's got a shiny new pal,
13:05and you're all jealous.
13:06No.
13:06And I'm assuming because you're at joinham,
13:09you failed at beatham.
13:10And now,
13:11instead of being honest with your friend,
13:13you're prepared to go along with their delusions for, what, months, years?
13:16Or until one day you wake up in a hippie commune in Wales
13:20with no running water and at least one suspicious death?
13:23Oh, it's Devon, actually.
13:24Integrity, Maggie.
13:26Integrity.
13:28It's crucial for any writer worth their sod, any person.
13:32And it's not worth giving up at the drop of a rain stick.
13:37You know,
13:38you were lucky enough to inherit a reasonably sharp mind,
13:41thanks to me.
13:42And you constantly disappoint me by wasting it.
13:48Excuse me for a minute.
14:04We're ready.
14:05I'm sorry, Whitney, could I, could you just, um, put Eddie on?
14:13Hey, what's up?
14:14We're just in the back.
14:15No, I know.
14:16Um, can you just, um,
14:18could you just come to the bathroom, maybe?
14:20Just come here.
14:22Look, I just want to talk to you.
14:27Maggie, I'm not the expert here.
14:29Whitney is.
14:30Just come and chat to her.
14:32But I just want...
14:34PHONE RINGS
14:38PHONE RINGS
15:03Look, I was, um,
15:06too harsh.
15:08I was just, uh, concerned.
15:13I'm sorry.
15:19Did you just apologize?
15:24Might need a minute.
15:30You were mean.
15:34But you were right.
15:37Look, I understand that you feel that I haven't been the perfect father.
15:46I was, um, I was incredibly busy during your childhood.
15:52You know, I was writing and starring in my own show.
15:57I put everything I had into the making of Man-Ager.
16:01Everything.
16:01And, of course, there were epic highs.
16:03Oh, my God, there were epic highs.
16:07But the lows.
16:09The lows were terrible.
16:10Oh, I wonder what might have caused that.
16:11But we weren't like your generation.
16:13You see?
16:14You lot are more into, I don't know, self-flagellation.
16:20Begging therapists for the secular equivalent of ten Hail Marys.
16:25You know, when things were hard for us,
16:28we huddled together in someone's office,
16:30rang the local pub for delivery,
16:32and then we shook the cobwebs off.
16:38And as a result of that,
16:40I wasn't at home as much as I should have been.
16:45There are so many things I regret when it comes to you and your mother.
16:50So, but I just, um,
16:53I just want us to have a better relationship.
17:01But, and I really, really want you to understand this,
17:06I cannot attend a rain stick healing ceremony,
17:11especially as you yourself know it to be complete horseshit.
17:15We're ready.
17:16Oh.
17:17Um, we, um,
17:22we aren't, we aren't coming.
17:23Why not?
17:25Because this will really help Whitney gain more followers,
17:27and we're fundraising for...
17:28So, what do you mean followers?
17:30Instagram followers.
17:33You were going to film this and put it on Instagram?
17:36Yeah, yeah.
17:36Whitney thought because your dad was on TV,
17:39it would help drive traffic to her page.
17:40Oh.
17:41But the point is, Maggie,
17:42this will really help you.
17:43Whitney really knows.
17:45Oh, Whitney knows fuck all!
17:49What?
17:50Oh, nothing.
17:51Sorry.
17:52Oh, no, no.
17:55Whitney's...
17:56Oh, no.
17:57I don't have it in me.
17:57Whitney is an idiot.
17:59And you've become the most selfish fucking hippie
18:02I have ever met.
18:05What?
18:06Sorry.
18:07Oh, I'm sorry.
18:08I'm sorry.
18:09It's all...
18:10It's bollocks.
18:11I know that healing can feel uncomfortable.
18:13Oh, what the fuck?
18:15Do you know about healing, Eddie?
18:17Do you even know what the word means?
18:18Because it doesn't mean going AWOL with a fake guru
18:21who clearly just stole your money to get turkey teeth.
18:26What are you talking about?
18:27Oh, I'm sorry.
18:29There's no way the Eddie I know
18:31believes any of this shit.
18:33You have a sharper mind than that.
18:35It's just...
18:35It's disappointing, honestly.
18:37Maggie, maybe we should take a meditation break.
18:40I mean, your forehead veins are telling me
18:41your chakras are completely off balance.
18:44New rule.
18:44You're only allowed to speak if you're vaccinated.
18:46I can't have loud emotional arguments in here.
18:48This is a restaurant.
18:49That's fine.
18:50We were just leaving.
18:50No, Eddie, come on.
18:51Eddie!
18:51No, you said enough.
18:52I should have listened to Whitney
18:54and done this weeks ago.
18:55But Maggie, we're done.
18:58I don't want you in my life anymore.
19:03Good for you.
19:04Good for you.
19:11Sit down, darling.
19:22I'm really proud of you.
19:25You told her the truth.
19:27And the truth, as they say, will set you free.
19:32Hey, let me top you up.
19:35Could we have the bill, please?
19:57Could I trouble you for our coat?
20:00Please?
20:00Yes.
20:05Come on.
20:06Is she OK?
20:07What?
20:07Oh, fine.
20:08Yeah, fine.
20:09Nothing that a little fresh air won't fix.
20:11We're off to an awards ceremony up the road.
20:15Hope it doesn't drag on too long.
20:17You know what they're like.
20:18A bit like school assembly that you can't escape from.
20:23Mark Anderson.
20:24Me, yeah.
20:25Any advance on the coat, slough, please?
20:27But you don't remember me.
20:29No, no, no.
20:30Now, you were probably too little.
20:32You're only nine, I think, tiny wee thing.
20:34I babysat for you back in Galway.
20:37Oh.
20:39I didn't think I'd see you again.
20:41And I sat down for lunch and bam, in your walks.
20:45I was only 20-odd.
20:47God, I'm so young and I feel awful.
20:50Come on, Kate.
20:51And I felt so bad because your mum was so lovely.
20:56God.
20:59I didn't know what I was doing.
21:09You know, I refused to talk to that journalist woman.
21:15She called me a few months ago when I said I wouldn't talk about you,
21:18even though she said the other women had.
21:25Just so you know.
21:28Right, come on then.
21:29What's she talking about?
21:30Oh, her.
21:30I don't know.
21:31God knows.
21:33I don't think she's right in the head.
21:34What was she talking about?
21:35Oh, they try and do this to every semi-famous man of a certain age nowadays.
21:43Some hack has written a supposed expose on my romantic relationships in the 90s.
21:49Affairs.
21:49All consensual.
21:50All adults.
21:52But because some of these women that worked with me at the time...
21:55Poor you.
21:56Now they're trying to claim there's some kind of abuse involved.
21:59I mean, come on.
22:00It's just crap.
22:01It's nonsense.
22:03But what can you do?
22:04You know what I mean?
22:04Sells papers.
22:06And that's why you want me to come with you tonight, right?
22:08No, of course not.
22:10You're about to get cancelled, so you want to use me to show that you're actually a loving
22:13family man who wouldn't hurt a fly.
22:14All right.
22:15Just calm down.
22:18I won't do that for you.
22:20You know, a not very wise man once said to me the truth will set you free, but I think
22:25what he actually meant is it's more fun to be brutally honest, but only when it suits
22:29you.
22:31Which is not as catchy.
22:34I have spent so many years trying to figure you out.
22:41But if so much of what you say is a lie, then what's the point in even trying?
22:45I have this unshakable hope in us that made me come here today and it made me drink and
22:49I don't drink anymore, but I can't say that to you because it's too close to the bone,
22:52isn't it?
22:54How many did you have before I got here today?
22:57Four or five?
23:00I'd have guessed four, but I'm a little rusty.
23:06I'm not like you.
23:11I'm medicated.
23:28I stole 50 quid from his wallet.
23:32Do you want a hot chocolate?
23:38Yes.
23:40Yes.
23:43Yes.
23:44Yes.
24:13I'm going to save her.
24:16I know I need to fight for her.
24:18I know she deserves it, okay?
24:22Stop sending me fucking Zoom links.
24:24I am the captain now, no more Zoom.
24:28Just meet me in my flat in an hour,
24:30and bring all the nerdy stationery I know you have.
24:32We're going big.
24:53They're nicer than I thought you were.
24:59My dad died jet skiing with his mistress in Jamaica
25:04when my mum was pregnant with me.
25:09There used to be a lot more jet ski accidents.
25:24Oh, a tree is no place for a heart to hold.
25:32And I'm young and I'm strong, but I feel old and tired.
25:37Over fire.
25:40And I've been poked and stoked.
25:42It's all smoke.
25:43There's no more fire.
25:45Only desire.
25:46Whatever.
25:51No part of my mum is filling in.
25:52No part of my mum and my mum.
25:52I love you.
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