- 2 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:02That was a long wedding.
00:05At least you could drink.
00:11Ubers keep cancelling on me and it is fucking devastating.
00:16Owen, your child is over there licking what I think is a used needle.
00:21Any thoughts?
00:28Mercury, do we need another tetanus jab?
00:36Would anyone like a ginseng gummy?
00:42It'll really help regulate your energy levels.
00:44No.
00:46I mean, I've also got echinacea, milk thistle, ginger chews.
00:54Yeah, or I've got expired femme fresh wipes.
01:01No? Fine.
01:04I'm gonna go and queue for a black hat.
01:19Hey, if you're worried about vaginal odour, I can send you a link to an amethyst suppository my friend Wave
01:27sells.
01:28I mean, it'll really help.
01:30So it's amethyst suppository?
01:33So like a stone tampon?
01:40Sorry, it does sound a bit medieval.
01:44Yeah.
01:49Yeah, I guess it does.
01:51But it has helped a lot of women.
01:54I actually did a series of videos on the Vagina Earth Connection.
01:58Oh, okay, you're a filmmaker.
02:00No. No, God.
02:02No, I don't even own a television.
02:04No, I'm a light worker.
02:06But I primarily produce content for social media.
02:09Yeah, I just found that that's the best way to reach people and connect with souls all around the world.
02:15Is that Eddie fucking Rushton?
02:18Oh, my God, Tony!
02:20Oh, a nun for Gretchen Wieners.
02:23Oh, my God, buy one, get one.
02:26Where the piss have you two been? I've been haggless at Superstore for months.
02:30Hi, I'm Whitney.
02:33Congratulations.
02:34Sorry, Whit, this is Tony.
02:35Tony and Guy, drag queen to both the stars and the gutter.
02:40How are you, babe?
02:41I heard you got mercury poisoning. Did you eat too much tuna?
02:45No, not mercury. Lithium poisoning.
02:47You ate batteries?
02:49What have you been up to?
02:50Down the drag mines, as ever.
02:52I actually had this last-minute gig come in for tonight.
02:54I'd usually tell them to fuck off.
02:56But you don't say no to Barbie and Skipper, do you?
02:58Wait, wait, wait. What did you just say?
03:00Barbie and Skipper?
03:01Oh, my God!
03:04Yeah, the secret show at Peg. It's gonna be epic.
03:07Barbie and Skipper, like the dolls?
03:09They're drag queens, but, like, so much more.
03:11Yeah, yeah, yeah, they've got a podcast and books and...
03:13And YouTube series that we used to watch on repeat.
03:15Oh, no, I still do.
03:15I still do.
03:16We always said if they ever came to London, but they never have,
03:18because Skipper hates the accent.
03:20Oh, my God.
03:20Please, get us to go.
03:21Please, we have wanted to sit the previous, please.
03:23Babe, do you have any idea how many fit men I have in my DMs right now
03:27asking me the same thing?
03:28No offence, but I'm not gonna pick the straight girls.
03:31That's straight-ish.
03:31Come on, Tony, we'll do anything.
03:32I never made you settle your wet mouth tab.
03:35Hmm.
03:38Okay, look.
03:38I need this wig my friend Cher's been styling for me,
03:41but she's being a bitch and refusing to give me it.
03:43We can get your wig.
03:44We can?
03:49Oh, God, sorry.
03:51I just totally disrupted your flow.
03:54God, what a loser.
03:56No, I'm sorry.
03:58Wait, um...
03:59We're being a bit...
04:00It's just...
04:00This is kind of a dream of mine.
04:03An old dream, but...
04:05But we have to honour our old dreams to make space for new ones.
04:09That's beautiful, though.
04:11I know we had other plans today and I was gonna start looking for a job.
04:14No, uh...
04:15Listen, the only plan that matters is the universe's.
04:20Said that's the address.
04:22All right.
04:23Watch out, though.
04:24Cher can be...
04:25How you say...
04:27A cunt.
04:29Mwah, mwah.
04:30I'll need it by eight.
04:31If you're not there, I'll fish your dad.
04:34Good luck with ours.
04:35You'll have to uncreemate them first.
04:37Oh, is...
04:38Is...
04:38Is...
04:38Is your dad...
04:39Yeah.
04:40Yeah.
04:40Yeah.
04:41He passed when I was 12.
04:44It's actually how we...
04:45First connected.
04:48Aw, that's so...
04:51Lovely.
04:53Are you sure we can't just get the tube?
04:55This place is in, like, zone 10.
04:56I didn't even know that existed.
04:58It's Uber, then.
04:58You said it would be 80 quid.
04:59That's mad.
05:00We'll keep the spare car key in this stupid key safe for us.
05:03We don't even need to knock on the door.
05:04Well, you don't want to give him a heads up.
05:06Just in case he thinks it's been stolen.
05:08Like, stolen by a stranger rather than a close friend.
05:11He won't care.
05:12Oh.
05:23So...
05:24You are a light worker.
05:27I am.
05:28Which is what?
05:29Sorry, Emma.
05:29Oh, yeah.
05:31It basically means that I have been put on this earth to spread light.
05:35And eradicate darkness.
05:37Oh, wow.
05:38Okay.
05:38Yeah.
05:40Like Batman.
05:41No.
05:41No.
05:42He's changed the code.
05:44Shit!
05:44I thought this was a slam dunk.
05:46Okay.
05:46Uh, well, this is how Patrick Swayze does it in Dirty Dancing.
05:50So, we're just gonna...
05:51So here.
05:52Yes.
05:52Right.
05:54Oh!
05:55Oh!
05:57I'm okay.
05:58It's just...
05:58Oh.
05:59Oh.
06:00Oh.
06:00Okay.
06:01All right.
06:03Oh.
06:04Um, just like shield your eyes and I'll...
06:07What are you doing?
06:09Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:09Hey, violence is never the answer, Maggie.
06:11No, it's not violence if it's against a car, is it?
06:14It's just like...
06:15Oh!
06:16I didn't even smash anything!
06:17Excuse me.
06:18I'm afraid I have a...
06:24Would love it if that could stop!
06:27Oh!
06:28Sorry.
06:30Oh.
06:32You...
06:33You're back?
06:34Only just.
06:35Yesterday, actually.
06:36But I've been emailing you for a year.
06:39No.
06:39I'm off grid.
06:40Out of the matrix.
06:41You don't have a phone?
06:43No.
06:44Oh.
06:44It's very, um...
06:46Amish chic of you.
06:48It's not Amish to disengage from something that's literally killing people.
06:51Phones are killing people.
06:52They're worse for you than smoking.
06:55Hi.
06:55I'm Whitney.
06:57And you...
06:59must be Will.
07:00Sorry, just back to the phone thing again.
07:03You have a phone.
07:04Well, to serve my higher purpose of spreading light via social media.
07:08Otherwise, you know, I would throw this thing into the ocean.
07:10Trust me.
07:13Sorry, were you breaking into my car?
07:16Can we borrow it?
07:17Just for the afternoon?
07:20Of course.
07:22Yeah.
07:23Sure.
07:34I'd love it if we could talk.
07:36Maybe when you, uh, break out the car.
07:38Yeah.
07:39Yeah.
07:43Yeah.
07:50Yeah.
07:55Yeah.
07:56The old and the new can often feel uncomfortable.
07:59Well, then maybe the new should smooth itself out a bit.
08:01To Liberty or Jehovah's?
08:03What?
08:04Because I've already had two Jehovah's up here this week.
08:06And I'm not being funny or not, but I don't think I'm for you.
08:09No, no, no, no, no.
08:10We're friends with Tony's.
08:11Tony and Guy, we came here to get her wig.
08:16Maybe she's coming down or...
08:18Uh, Cher, sorry, we're actually in a bit of a hurry, so if you could just...
08:21If you think you can intimidate me, you're fucking wrong.
08:25I've got a taser in here that because they're 3D printed, and I know how to use it...
08:31Stop throwing hairpins and just give us the wig!
08:33Did Tony tell you she's been shagging me stepdad?
08:36She's torn my family apart!
08:38Me mother's had to go impatient!
08:41That's almost impossible to defend.
08:43Maybe if I try and talk to her one-on-one, I'd...
08:45Or I'd be happy to try.
08:47Um, no offence, Whitney, but I think you might be a bit too...
08:51American for someone like Cher.
08:53Whitney should go.
08:54She's always so calm in the face of chaos.
08:56Okay, well, let's probably throw a hairdryer on you, but...
08:58Cher?
08:59My name's Whitney, and I'm a lightworker specializing in interpersonal relationships.
09:06May I come in?
09:13What's that?
09:21So, uh, you were saying earlier you were looking for a job.
09:24What about your, um, wet mouth money?
09:25I can't live off that forever.
09:27Besides, I need to save that for...
09:30I need to save that money.
09:34Is Whitney looking for a job, or...
09:36Does she make money off TikTok, or...?
09:38I knew you'd hate her.
09:39No, I just...
09:40Look, I know.
09:41She's kooky and different to you, and she might use words that you think are stupid,
09:45but Whitney has helped me so much.
09:49When we met, I, uh...
09:52I was in a really dark place.
09:56I was sat on a beach in Malibu, and I...
10:04I'm lucky to have found her.
10:07We've basically spent every day together since.
10:10Well, then, I'm excited to get to know her better.
10:14Hold on.
10:16She's boxing up the wig for us.
10:18Aw, amazing!
10:19So, once we're back at the apartment, I just need to start the staging process straight away.
10:23Thanks, Cher.
10:24And sorry about your mum.
10:26Whitney's right.
10:27I need to let her go.
10:29Wow.
10:30Whitney, you are just so impressive.
10:33Personally, if Tony had called me a cunt, I would struggle to get past that.
10:36But with the power of light, I guess anything is possible, so...
10:40What?
10:41Oh, I'm...
10:42I'm so sorry, did Whitney not say...
10:44Would I?
10:46That stepdad shagging rat at the gumption to call me a cunt!
10:50Cher, remember the grounding exercise I taught you?
10:53Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:55We don't need to be.
10:56We don't need to be.
10:57Oh, no, no, no, no.
10:58Cher, please.
10:59That's not identity.
11:00No, no.
11:01Let's...
11:01Okay, put the lighter down.
11:02Cher!
11:03No, no, no.
11:07Oh, God!
11:09Have some of that.
11:10Oh!
11:13Oh!
11:17Oh!
11:17Oh!
11:18Oh!
11:24Crazy, did that.
11:32I'm so sorry, you guys.
11:36I just assumed Whitney to share the full truth, so...
11:41I'm such an idiot.
11:42So, no Barbie and Skipper.
11:46Oh!
11:47No, no, no, no, no.
11:48I'll get us in.
11:50How?
11:51Those tickets are like gold dust.
11:52It's prints at the roundhouse all over again.
11:55Yeah, but I've...
11:57I've...
11:57Many...
11:58options, but, um...
12:00First, I...
12:01I should probably just call my agent.
12:03Vanessa?
12:04You still with her?
12:05Oh, right.
12:06Yeah, after that dinner party.
12:08Yeah.
12:09Betty told me all about it.
12:11Yeah, no, things are great.
12:13Well, there's actually...
12:14My new play has been shortlisted for an award, so...
12:16Really?
12:17Like a big one?
12:18Yeah.
12:19I'm like the biggest.
12:21Actually, I've never even been longlisted before, so...
12:24Congratulations.
12:26Thanks.
12:29Ablimitious.
12:34Hello?
12:35Maggie.
12:36I'm sorry, but this graveyard has terrible reception.
12:39Vanessa, hi!
12:40Um...
12:41I'm just wondering if you could help me out.
12:42I'm trying to get tickets to this thing tonight.
12:44Okay.
12:44Yeah, um...
12:46It's a drag show.
12:49And, um...
12:51I don't know if you know anyone who works in that area, or...
12:57Sorry, Maggie, I couldn't hear you.
12:59There are people nearby grieving loudly.
13:01Did you say a drag show?
13:02Like a gay thing?
13:04Y-yes, very gay.
13:06Rupert could probably help.
13:07Rupert.
13:08Rupert Everett.
13:09He's an old friend.
13:10He'll be at the Mandalay Club from 6 if you want to go and ask him.
13:14He doesn't take calls.
13:15Yeah, yeah, I know it well.
13:17I've come with you, but Hillary Mantle snuck a clause into her contract
13:20that I had to polish her gravestone once a month after her death.
13:24I'll send you the address.
13:25Oh, thank you so much, Vanessa.
13:30Done and done.
13:32We just need to go and schmooze Rupert Everett and we'll be all gravy.
13:35Rupert Everett? Cool.
13:37That is cool.
13:39We can go get change at Mind and then head over to the Mandalay Club.
13:42Oh, we actually should go back to our apartment because we kind of need to get settled and, like, freshen
13:50up.
13:50That's true.
13:51But we could meet you at this peg place later.
13:56Right, Maggie?
13:57And you don't need us, do you?
13:59Of course.
14:00I'll handle Rupert.
14:06Okay.
14:06Oh, sorry.
14:07All right.
14:27Oh, hi.
14:29I'm, um, I'm Maggie Donovan.
14:42Oh, um, okay.
14:45Thanks.
14:46I am all set.
14:48Ah, that'll be Maggie.
14:49Thank goodness you're here.
14:51Oh, here I am.
14:52Darling, they've arrived.
14:54Ah.
14:56You must be Maggie.
14:58Uh, you know, when Vanessa said she was sending you over, I thought, finally.
15:04Oh.
15:05Somebody cares about me.
15:08Huh?
15:11Now, you're a little bit, uh, little, though.
15:15We'll need to get the French maid's uniform altered.
15:18Don't start with that.
15:19Oh, wait.
15:19Squeeze me, darling.
15:21For trying to inject some glamour into the proceedings.
15:25Darling, behave.
15:26This is your third assistant this month.
15:27What?
15:28No.
15:28No, no.
15:29Sorry.
15:29No, no.
15:30I'm actually a playwright.
15:32Oh, yes, darling.
15:32That's what they all say.
15:34The last one didn't like the costume either.
15:36You know, you just can't get the star.
15:39No, no.
15:40Seriously, no.
15:41I'm just here to see if you can help me to get tickets for this thing tonight.
15:47You know, it's a teensy little bit early to be asking for favours, darling.
15:53But I admire your spunk.
15:54Oh.
15:55Come on.
15:55Let's go and get a martini.
15:57All right.
16:00You know, I'm not a bad boss, Mandy.
16:03Despite what the various court filings may say, I'm simply a world-renowned actor with a taste for the finer
16:11things in life.
16:12Is that a crime?
16:14Oh.
16:20Now, I do ask that my silk items be hand-washed by you in front of me.
16:27I love to watch.
16:28Look, I am not actually your average assistant.
16:33No, I am.
16:34I'm so much more.
16:36You're a perineal masseuse.
16:38Sure.
16:39Um, but I'm also just really on top of your schedule.
16:42In fact, you happen to have an appearance at Peg tonight, so we better get going.
16:46An appearance?
16:47At Peg?
16:48What's Peg?
16:49Oh, it's a really cool gay club.
16:51You will be introducing two drag queens at their show.
16:53Why the tit would I be doing that?
16:55I don't do appearances.
16:56I'm Rupert fucking Everett, darling.
16:58The fee is astronomical.
17:05Why didn't you say so before?
17:06Oh.
17:07Oh.
17:09He's fine.
17:11We're good.
17:12Up.
17:12See.
17:21Okay.
17:24Good night, Rubio.
17:26The window breaks.
17:27Yes.
17:27Rubio, let's go.
17:30Oh.
17:30We are here.
17:32Oh, my God.
17:33Bitch.
17:34Hi.
17:36Hey.
17:38Wonderful.
17:39Is this your dealer?
17:40Darling, do you have any Adderall?
17:42Oh, my God.
17:43He's kidding.
17:44He's kidding.
17:45He's kidding, I think.
17:45We should just cut him.
17:46Oh, my God.
17:47There you are.
17:48Cutting it a bit fine, babe.
17:50Where's the wig?
17:52Well.
17:53Hello.
17:53Hello.
17:54Sorry, Tony.
17:55Cher wouldn't give a chance to you.
17:56It's just being very difficult.
17:58That little bitch.
18:00I'm sorry.
18:00I have to escort Rupert inside.
18:01He can't get out here with the crabs.
18:03The fucking neck of you, Cher Friar.
18:06Should we?
18:07It'll be fine.
18:08Hi.
18:08We just have a VIP with us.
18:09If we could just...
18:10Name?
18:11Um, so we are not on the list, but I just know that Barbie and Skipper would want a gay
18:16icon of this caliber in the audience, so...
18:17Will somebody please give me a fucking upper?
18:20Are you joking?
18:21It really is him, but please just, like, be cool.
18:23What have I told you about coming back here?
18:26Daddy needs his uppies.
18:28Oh, get him out of here before I call the police.
18:30Police?
18:30No, I think you are mistaken.
18:31This man's been terrorizing us for years.
18:33He's the reason that Stabber's got complex PTSD.
18:36You're in violation of about ten restraining orders.
18:39You utter fuckhead.
18:41Co-dama.
18:42I repeat, co-dama at the front door.
18:45Co-dama?
18:46Oh, my God.
18:46You set my fucking wig on fire!
18:49Yeah!
18:50And I'll do it again!
18:51Because no one calls Cher Friar to touch and gets away with it!
18:55What'd you tell her that, you villains?!
18:57This is why everybody hates straight people!
19:02Straight-ish!
19:02She's not coming in.
19:03No shit.
19:04Fuck off, babes.
19:06And stay fucked off!
19:13Ryan?
19:14Oh, my God!
19:15Ryan!
19:16Oh, my God, you have to help us get in.
19:18We were...
19:24We are too old for this, Maggie.
19:27Today was insane, but this is not who I am anymore.
19:31I promise, I have changed.
19:33You will see.
19:33I will show you.
19:37I think I can help.
19:40What?
19:42Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I thought, you know, maybe we'd need a plan C.
19:49So I reached out to my online community, and the universe provided me with a DM from a guy whose
19:57mom owns this whole club.
19:59Look, there is no way that is some weirdo in his basement looking for attention.
20:03No, I think that's him now.
20:04Eddie!
20:07Eddie!
20:08Eddie!
20:08Eddie!
20:10Eddie!
20:11Eddie!
20:11Eddie!
20:11Eddie!
20:12Eddie!
20:15I've been looking for you everywhere.
20:17I mean, not physically, but on Instagram.
20:19Oh, my God.
20:21This is me.
20:22Wait.
20:24You know each other?
20:27I saw something like this in your soul contract, remember?
20:31A cherished old friend would return to your life.
20:35Yeah.
20:36I had no idea it would be Crent.
20:38Listen, can you start Monday?
20:40What?
20:41Oh, my God.
20:42Look at me getting ahead of myself.
20:43I'm just so excited about this good luck.
20:46It's preordained.
20:47It is.
20:48It is.
20:49I love that.
20:51I love you.
20:52Oh, sorry.
20:53We just did a bump.
20:54Anyway, Mummy just bought Walthamstow and gave me a building, so I'm opening a bar, and you get to manage
21:00it.
21:01Eddie!
21:01Eddie!
21:02Oh, my God, it's...
21:04Sorry.
21:06Finding Eddie a job was our next step.
21:08Oh, amazing.
21:09Let's go inside and talk business.
21:13Eddie.
21:14God, this is such a blessing from the universe.
21:20No.
21:22Okay.
21:24Okay.
21:25Yeah.
21:26Sure.
21:26I knew you'd say yes.
21:28Okay, come with me.
21:29Oh, hey, guys.
21:30This is Eddie, my working-class friend.
21:33Come on.
21:34Come on.
21:36You two are mad.
21:58Hello?
21:59Hey, Maggie.
22:00Sorry.
22:00It's, uh...
22:01This isn't Will, is it?
22:02I blocked you years ago.
22:04Oh.
22:04Well, I got a new number.
22:06Look, don't hang up.
22:06It's about Whitney.
22:09What about her?
22:10Eddie sent me a few texts when she first got to L.A., and then went completely AWAR.
22:15Not a peep since then, and now...
22:16She reappears with this spiritual guru slash influencer.
22:22Something feels off.
22:25Okay, well, you're a nerd.
22:28Do some research.
22:29Dig up some dirt.
22:30Or something.
22:31I can do that.
22:33Piss off, princess.
22:34We're having a party.
22:39Hmm?
22:40Suit yourself, sulky tits.
23:03There we go!
23:04There we go!
23:06When you're alone and you cannot stop
23:10Under control with the lights up
23:14Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
23:17Hold me close, you're not electrical
23:22Can you feel the music on your skin?
23:26Are ya getting lost in the static?
23:29That's your body free
Comments