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00:04in conclusion we are all defined by the people we accept into our sacred inner space we must be
00:14careful about who we allow to influence our fertile spirits especially as busy CEOs in
00:22the fast-paced world of corporate stationery did that work it is perfect the CEOs are gonna love it
00:32and you'll be so grateful well she better because I mean she hasn't actually paid me yet I mean that's
00:40the only reason I'm even here she will don't worry because 20 grand will buy us a lot of bamboo
00:45sleeping
00:46mess I'll chase the invoice make sure it's cash or check once we get to Devon tomorrow we won't
00:52have Wi-Fi on the farm right then those stationary honchos are absolutely ravenous for your keynote
00:59speech they're just in with the Reiki fella now in the mean time we need your phones
01:07the frog shaming has a bit of a thing about 5g and we like to keep these retreats as screen
01:12free as
01:12possible and yeah Whitney was just asking about her feet oh all in hands we just need to get you
01:21in for
01:21a quick aura assessment Whitney mandatory for all guest practitioners oh sorry babe the assessment is
01:30strictly confidential no plus one really would want me there I don't actually can you just stay here and
01:37practice breathing and you wrote me into helping out I really didn't want to but I still owe her
01:49bail money for that thing in Falaraki so very like the other guests
01:59um is that a pager sorry I I'm needed in the um clonic tent so just wait here and I
02:08won't be long
02:20I just thought people might be home sleepover print what was that sorry okay I know fuck all about
02:28this woo-woo shit it's very hard to improvise around a subject you know nothing about which is why you
02:33were sent a 35 page primer can confirm it was sent to your gmail on Thursday it was home of
02:38luck last
02:38weekend call yourself an ally fine let me summarize print you probably need a refresher too so
02:50right so the goal today is to deprogram Eddie and save her from Whitney's evil scheme
02:54it's not as simple as just showing her the evidence we've found Eddie has really drunk that kombucha
03:00kool-aid so we need to be careful but if we can keep her here and follow these simple steps
03:06I found
03:06on reddit oh I think we have a shot at success I know it's a big fucking swing but it's
03:13the least
03:13Eddie deserves which is why I stepped up to be the primary slash only financial backup and executive
03:18producer right thank you krent we've got step one out of the way we've got them separated and Anya's
03:25holding Whitney off for now but we're on the clock people Whitney is getting on a secret flight early
03:31tomorrow morning so we need to intercept today save Eddie and get her goddamn money back
03:40I was getting to that Eddie has transferred almost everything she has into Whitney's bank account so that
03:47she can buy this supposed farm in her name but we know the pictures she showed Eddie are just the
03:55fifth
03:55result when you Google image search English farm phone me we need to get that money out of Whitney's
04:04account by EOD before it's gone forever what does end of day I've almost cracked Whitney's account but
04:11I've come up against one final hurdle the memorable question what's the memorable question first pet's
04:18name well he looks like Larry dry Larry that is where Anya comes in ready to start the assessment I've
04:32never seen equipment like this before may I ask which practitioner this is informed by oh I believe it
04:39it was Savaiya Subramaniyaswami who perfected the technique
04:46so question one what would you say your soul animal is soul animal damn she's good okay then team
05:02send in the interrogator
05:09Jillian Eddie what a lovely surprise
05:22well now it's been a while yeah sorry did Anya invite you retirement it turns out is awfully boring
05:32so I've been doing some light events catering keeps me busy would you like a cheese scorn
05:40I made them this morning
05:46are you sure your mom can do this when I was 17 I admitted to nicking her drink at a
05:51wedding I hadn't
05:52even been at what's her secret guilt and crumbs oh wow hmm that's so loose so Eddie I hear you're
06:06moving to Devon tomorrow
06:07hmm we've bought a small farm and we're gonna live off the land and start an intentional community focused on
06:18inner peace and make sure you finish that love it's bad luck to leave it's gone and
06:24and how can your friend Whitney afford a firm we bought it together that's nice 50 50 sort of a
06:34deal and you've been down to have a look I take it before making any financial commitment
06:44wow that was delicious really overwhelming in a good way
06:55have another one while they're fresh
07:02you see that that was good
07:05yeah very yes what was it there
07:09well the look on Eddie's face
07:11it's the same look she gets when someone offers her a bump in the loo
07:16she's not sure
07:17this is me
07:24I don't want to get involved in the
07:28rift between you and Maggie
07:29but I'm her mammy and I've got to say one thing
07:32what's she doing
07:33you mean so much to Maggie
07:35you're her family Eddie
07:37and I just
07:39I worry about what will happen to her without you
07:44how about what will happen to me
07:47quiet
07:48pull her out
07:49and say what
07:50just go
07:55Jesus
07:58I have spent a lot of my life looking after Maggie
08:02you abandoned her Eddie
08:04do you have any idea what that did to her
08:07Jenny
08:11there you are
08:12everything is ready
08:15for your acupuncture session
08:17with
08:18charnese cafe
08:22of course
08:27we wouldn't want to keep
08:29charnese cafe waiting
08:32would we
08:44I recently discovered that I was a dog in most of my previous lives
08:48and I must say
08:50I think I recognise the scent of your astral trail Whitney
08:54perhaps we were puppies together
08:58in
08:59Soviet Russia
09:02wouldn't that be something
09:08ever had a dog Whitney
09:09one
09:10as a kid
09:12her name was baby
09:13baby
09:14you say
09:15baby
09:16yeah baby
09:18oh look don't do that
09:23no
09:23I didn't know about the attempt
09:25they made
09:26oh
09:26god
09:30that was not what I asked you to do
09:32I think you'll find it's exactly what you asked
09:34thank you very much
09:35I sowed seeds of doubt
09:37and then I had some time left over
09:38so I thought I'd try and help
09:39I'm not doing this for me mum
09:41I'm doing it for Eddie
09:41of course you are darling
09:45okay
09:46time for stage three
09:48in form
09:48ready to go
09:49close babe
09:50I mean if I was right about what an HDMI cable is
09:53wait
09:53wait
09:54before we watch
09:55I just want to say
09:59from the moment I saw Flubber in my father's home theatre
10:02I knew my future lay in the art of what the French call cinema
10:06oh god I knew I should have watched this first
10:26hey Eddie
10:28don't freak out
10:29sit down
10:30relax
10:33in his seminal
10:341981 paper
10:36cult formation
10:37the psychiatrist Robert J. Lifton observed
10:39that the most common
10:40unifying feature of high control groups
10:43is the presence of a charismatic leader
10:45one who can't be questioned
10:47or held accountable
10:48for anything they do
10:51not bad
10:54all of us can relate
10:55to having someone to look up to
10:58for instance if
10:59Madonna told me to plunge my hands
11:01into a bucket of hot piss
11:03I'd say
11:04pass the bucket
11:07but that doesn't mean I wouldn't regret it later Eddie
11:09when I'm scrubbing my hands under hot water
11:12trying to get the smell of piss off me
11:14once strictly a job
11:15for dirty white men
11:18cult leadership is now a viable option
11:20for people from all walks of life
11:23even hot girls
11:28oh shit she's getting antsy
11:30no we knew this would happen
11:32so
11:32we also added this
11:53what the fuck
11:55friend
11:55well I did better than
11:57whatever that was
11:58get her off
11:58this is gonna kill me
12:01what were you thinking
12:03I was thinking my audience
12:04needed some sugar with their medicine
12:06I'm gonna kill her
12:09look this isn't some fun bit
12:11this is Eddie's life
12:12and if we fuck this up
12:14because you idiots
12:15can't do anything normally
12:16then I might lose her for good this time
12:18and I can't face that
12:19okay
12:20I can't face it
12:24so please
12:25just fucking focus
12:32just try Larry
12:34what?
12:34no
12:34no no
12:36no
12:38gee
12:39it must nearly be time for my talk
12:41you've actually only been here for 20 minutes
12:43the oral reading can really
12:45contort your sense of time
12:46if you let it
12:48my sense of time was specifically complimented on
12:51by a clockless monk I met in Peru
12:57wait
12:58what's she doing
13:05it's happening
13:06stage four people
13:07come the fuck on
13:19one sec
13:20gotta wrangle some lost herb lists
13:47music
13:54oh hey
13:59Andy
14:00can you just check my crotch is dry
14:03is this for real
14:08it's locked
14:10what it should be locked
14:12fuck Ryan, Jenny and
14:15anyone
14:17a baby is coming out of her
14:19fucking help her
14:23quick you, where's Whitney
14:25there is a map in your emails
14:26no, I mean, she's not in her room
14:33help us you
14:34prick
14:36shh, you shouldn't be shouting like that
14:38you might burst the baby
14:40you need to distract me, take my hand
14:44talk
14:44talk about what
14:47Maggie, they need you
14:48yeah, but Whitney
14:48we'll find her
14:55let's talk about the real reason you're leaving
14:57let's talk about the real reason you're leaving
15:01I'm leaving to build an intentional community with Whitney
15:03that's kind of an extreme thing to do
15:05it only seems extreme to you because you're not truly spiritual
15:08please, I spent all of 2009 in an ashram in Croydon
15:12no ad-libbing
15:13what I do is, it looks to me
15:15it looks to me like you're doing what you always do
15:19running away
15:21running away
15:22I don't think it will help
15:23and I don't think that will help
15:25I think everything felt really hard
15:28and you wanted to be someone else
15:31you wanted a way to feel free and happy
15:34and not constantly fighting anymore
15:36I know what that's like
15:38I get that, I really do, but
15:40you know what my mum always says
15:42wherever you go
15:44wherever you go
15:46there you are
15:49you didn't have to do the fucking accent
15:55oh shit
16:15now, I don't know exactly what that's supposed to smell like
16:20I'm pretty sure
16:21there isn't apple juice
16:24no, don't
16:26no
16:29I'm a fucking bartender
16:34good boy
16:40shit
16:41she's loose
16:43quick
16:44quick, somebody get eyes on Eddie
16:45eyes on Eddie
16:48what is this?
16:50Eddie
16:52listen to us
16:53oh my god
16:54oh my god Eddie
16:55these people locked me in a room
16:57no we didn't
16:58there was no lock
16:59we made very sure of that
17:00yeah, we used lies instead
17:02Eddie
17:02we need to get out of here
17:04like now
17:05her dad is alive
17:10Ronald Hodgkiss, 66
17:11happily married to Angela Hodgkiss
17:13also 66
17:14for over 40 years
17:15that's a picture of him
17:17with Whitney
17:18or Catherine
17:18since that's her real name
17:19actually
17:20at a family reunion
17:21a few months ago
17:24he messaged earlier
17:25asking if you might need a lift
17:26from the airport tomorrow
17:28didn't I say
17:29they would try and discredit me
17:30like this
17:31they are demons
17:32and they want to block your path
17:33to the light
17:34and she is also
17:35a failed slime influencer
17:36she's actually
17:37a serial influencer
17:39which is really sad
17:40all my friends are influencers
17:41without even trying to be
17:43she keeps making online personas
17:45to scam people
17:46Eddie
17:46she's been doing it
17:47for years
17:48I can't believe we need to point this out
17:50look at her brand new teeth
17:52they are insanely white
17:54she looks like she's on Geordie Shore
17:56she's not even a real healer
17:57she's a liar
17:58you should never talk to me
18:01don't you see
18:02she's a fool
18:05you're being insane
18:06stop it
18:08Eddie
18:09none of this
18:10was meant to hurt you
18:12maybe this
18:12this wasn't the right way
18:14to go about it
18:14but
18:15I knew you needed
18:16to be unbrainwashed
18:17and
18:18and maybe we should have
18:19got an expert
18:19and we didn't have much time
18:21and
18:22please Eddie
18:23I'm sorry
18:23I didn't mean to make you feel
18:24but
18:25I'm trying to save you
18:27I might be bad at it
18:29but look
18:29I'm trying
18:35is your dad
18:36alive?
18:37depends what you
18:38mean by
18:39dad
18:40I mean
18:41is
18:41my birth father
18:43alive?
18:45well
18:46sure
18:46so when you told me
18:48that
18:48you knew exactly how I felt
18:50that you'd been on the same journey as me
18:52and you knew how to fix me
18:54that was just
18:56marketing
18:57no
18:58give Eddie her money back
18:59you give it back and you leave
19:01and let her family take care of her
19:04if you're referring to the investment
19:06Eddie willingly made
19:07into our intentional community
19:09then those funds
19:10have already been used to buy land
19:11the land we decided to buy together
19:13we know there's no land Whitney
19:15it doesn't exist
19:20you know
19:22I actually help people
19:24and you all find that so challenging
19:27that you have to try
19:28and discredit me
19:30and make up all these lies
19:31oh we are the liars
19:33when you are the one
19:35with the made up name
19:36you know what
19:37why don't you go and shove a crystal dildo
19:39up your hole Catherine
19:40no
19:41I've had to deal
19:42with this
19:44kind of prejudice
19:45ever since
19:46I began healing others
19:48much like
19:49much like Jesus Christ himself
19:51oh come on
19:53much like Jesus Christ himself
19:56had to endure
19:57and
19:58if requiring some
19:59financial
20:00compensation
20:01for the burden
20:02I carry with me
20:04every day
20:05for being a bearer of light
20:07is a bad thing to you
20:08well
20:09that says everything about you people
20:12and how little you value enlightenment
20:16I mean
20:18what do you offer each other
20:28because I
20:30can take you to the light
20:42let's go
21:00really
21:03you're gonna believe
21:05these freaks
21:05over me
21:07the person
21:08who saved you
21:09you know
21:17one day
21:18I will ascend
21:20to the celestial heaven
21:21that's waiting for me
21:22and I will look down
21:24on all of you
21:26from my throne
21:27of purity
21:29with my childhood
21:30cat choo-choo
21:31by my side
21:31because I know
21:33she's waiting for me
21:38and I will watch
21:39y'all
21:40burn
21:43come back here
21:44think
21:51oh god
21:56what
21:58a day
21:59where
22:03Anya
22:03are you not pregnant
22:05not anymore
22:08so where's the baby
22:09at home
22:12since
22:12since so fast
22:14and she jumped through
22:15a really high window
22:16do you know
22:18if she's ever been
22:18in Cirque du Soleil
22:19or something
22:19which good place
22:21and say what
22:24hi
22:24I'm a fucking idiot
22:26who gave all my money
22:27to a white girl
22:27who owns
22:28clipping dreadlocks
22:29I can't do anything
22:31I gave her that money
22:41Ryan
22:43was I in a tiny cult
22:46a bit
22:47yeah
22:48it's alright
22:49Eddie
22:49we've all found ourselves
22:51in a pyramid scheme
22:52or two
22:52and this
22:54this
22:55was the only way
22:56to fucking tell me that
23:04let's talk
23:07just you and me
23:10I don't want to do that
23:11Eddie please
23:12just
23:14just give me one night
23:19I don't want to be here
23:20well we can leave
23:22we can go somewhere else
23:25where
23:40I was in your dream
23:43last night
23:46I came to tell you
23:48everything
23:49takes so bad
23:52it takes so strong
23:58my skin is tied to your skin
24:02so everything
24:05you touch
24:08I touch
24:17and I'm rolling in my grave
24:21again
24:23again
24:23I don't know
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