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00:02What the fuck?
00:04That's what you're wearing to go to a school.
00:07I want to see you like a successful lady.
00:08You're a nightmare.
00:10Do you love me?
00:11I love you.
00:13Is this a manic episode?
00:15What should I do again?
00:16Should I sit on you?
00:17I fix problems.
00:19And you have them.
00:20You're the bitch who shagged my cousin's husband.
00:23Oh yeah, I did do that.
00:24You need to stop worrying about Maggie.
00:26She's not worried about you.
00:28I lost the bar.
00:29And I'm fucking pregnant.
00:31Maggie, I need you to help me.
00:33Is that okay?
00:33Of course I can.
00:34I'm in a really good place.
00:36I think there's something wrong with my brain.
00:38Then get some help, Maggie.
01:23Maggie.
01:24My beautiful, sane daughter.
01:27Maggie.
01:29I literally never have to worry about you.
01:32That's nice, Mum.
01:33Yeah.
01:34We call you the sane one now.
01:35As you should.
01:37Excuse me, I just need to take this.
01:41Yeah, hello?
01:42Mm-hmm.
01:43Okay.
01:44Okay, bye-bye.
01:45Is this a bad time?
01:48Apologies.
01:49The government just needed to run some budget stuff past a very sane person.
01:52God, I'm lucky to have someone so wildly sane as a client.
01:57Maggie.
02:02I need you.
02:04What's that?
02:07I need you to help me.
02:10Hello?
02:11I need you to help me.
02:13Eddie?
02:14Maggie.
02:16What's going on?
02:17Can I borrow your white noise machine?
02:19What?
02:20Please!
02:24Ryan?
02:274am!
02:28My room sounds like ghosts.
02:30Get out!
02:31For God's sake!
02:48So we built the mountain
02:51By digging out a mighty hole
02:53And on our books we carried every rock and stone
03:00But now the hole is deeper
03:02Than anybody ever planned
03:05With the fingertips I'm hanging it on
03:10Some say too
03:12But I can't do this evil on my own
03:14I haven't wrapped the house in nearly 30,000
03:16Cold reactor
03:19Is this too early?
03:20Early?
03:21I'm up at 6am every day in case someone's died in the night.
03:24Well, they do say mental illness is hereditary.
03:27I barely...
03:28You slept anyway?
03:29I hate that you're so far away.
03:31Okay, I'm in Surrey.
03:32Bad enough when you move back to your flat.
03:34Look, I am fine, Mum.
03:36I'm in my stable girl era.
03:38I'm on medication that isn't trying to kill me.
03:41I use retinol and Hello Fresh.
03:43I am a bridesmaid in a posh wedding, for God's sake.
03:45Has anyone heard from Eddie?
03:47Is she coming?
03:48She's...
03:50No, there's no way.
03:51It's been a year, she didn't even RSVP, which...
03:55I'm not even thinking about that, Mum.
03:56Just stop worrying, okay?
03:57I'm allowed to be worried, Maggie.
03:59It is your first time leaving town since lithium poisoning.
04:04I said it's your first time leaving town since lithium...
04:07Look, I heard you, Mum.
04:08Just...
04:08I need to get going, okay?
04:10What on earth does...
04:11This maid of honour need you so early for?
04:13I don't know.
04:13Bridesmaid stuff?
04:15Filming awkward TikToks and matching satin pyjamas
04:18and telling someone her skin looks clear.
04:23I am a normal person.
04:26Normal?
04:27Who wants to be normal?
04:28I do.
04:29Well, if you get overwhelmed or feel bad in any way, just call me.
04:33I won't, Mum.
04:34This is going to be a nice, easy chill.
04:36This is not one of your kooky, hackneyed town hall weddings
04:41where the bride wears a jumpsuit and drinks lager from a can.
04:45This is the home counties.
04:47We take this seriously.
04:49I have barely slept.
04:51Mercury cried all night.
04:54No.
04:54Did he?
04:55Simone has had a complicated reaction to her premarital juice cleanse.
05:01I will never forgive Heat Magazine for what it did to us.
05:04So, to avoid my brother saying I do to a woman wearing an adult nappy,
05:08I will be busy trying to plug the leak, as it were.
05:14Yes, those were Simone's choices.
05:16I suppose she wanted her culture represented too.
05:20Please wear them so as to differentiate yourselves from the staff.
05:26Um...
05:27Flopsy, is it?
05:29Um...
05:29Why, um...
05:31Why does my sash say this?
05:34My reputation as a maid of honour, a role I take extremely seriously, is immaculate.
05:40I am in constant demand.
05:42And this is my brother's wedding.
05:44My favourite brother, the only brother that isn't balding.
05:46And as, from what I understand, you have a bit of a reputation as somewhat of a loose canon,
05:52hmm?
05:54I think this would be a better fit.
05:56Hmm?
05:57Off you pop.
05:59Now, I have written down your bridesmaids' tasks in extremely simple terms.
06:06So, I am assuming there are no questions.
06:11I left Simone lying face down in an antique chamber pot, so I ought to...
06:15Er...
06:15What does train the swans mean?
06:17Is assist Jessie Ware's lying for something?
06:19I have not heard a thing from the fourth bridesmaid.
06:21Has anyone had contact with her? She's ignored all communications.
06:27Er...
06:28Er...
06:28No.
06:29No.
06:29No.
06:30She...
06:30She won't be coming.
06:38And if I see anyone vaping, they will be fined.
06:46I cannot wait for my bridesmaid years to be over.
06:51What, was Aldi Pippa Middleton saying to you?
06:53Nothing.
06:53It's grand.
06:54Anyways, we only have to see with her for one day.
06:56Simone has done worse for us.
06:58Like when she sucked off Stormzy's weird old roadies to get us backstage?
07:00Mmm, exactly.
07:01Well, strapping fuckers because things are about to get worse.
07:04Worse than unpaid labour.
07:05Do you remember Simone's ex?
07:06Jack.
07:07Jack Pearl?
07:08One who couldn't stop telling us that he once played pool with Amy Winehouse.
07:10Oh, he was awful.
07:12He used to sniff out a guitar at a house party like an indie bloodhound.
07:15Yeah, where he threatened to turn up and ruin the wedding.
07:18Oh, for fuck's sake.
07:19Hot girls are meant to marry Rich. It's their right.
07:21He wouldn't really turn up here.
07:22Simone seems to think he might.
07:23He has previous.
07:24After she got engaged, he tried to break into her house.
07:27It is wild that we just let straight men run loose.
07:30So we need to keep an eye out.
07:32For what?
07:33A trilby?
07:34The opening corridor can't stand me now?
07:36I've got Popstar to wrangle.
07:38Yeah, well, I've got gargoyles to wax.
07:42No one said this right when shit was easy.
07:53Oh.
07:58Whoa!
08:04Know.
08:07Oof.
08:20Oh my god sorry I just it suckered onto me and I could feel it's like monster tongue there I
08:27was
08:27thinking I'd given you the simplest tasks there were I could do it I just once I get these gloves
08:34on I will be de-leeching at speeds never seen before see that you are and um if I do
08:42everything on my list
08:43which I will um could I have a normal bridesmaid perhaps
09:24I'm sure I see someone in the billiards room but when I look back it isn't really there
09:31what happened to you the swans have a very aggressive communication style we're working
09:35through it I take the swans over Jessie where any day she is insane I found her in the kitchen
09:40neck and cooking sherry and when I tried to grab it off there she called me a slur she called
09:44you a
09:44little bitch and I consider that a slur what's with the meat huh oh I was just I'm feeding the
09:49older boys listen I have a weird feeling that someone is like here watching us I meant me
09:59more like a pearl has entered the oyster Jack pearl so we just split off distract from everybody else
10:08now um no uh no don't worry I put all the meat in the boys I meant um I need
10:16you to put your
10:17bridesmaid's dresses on and meet me in the main hall as quickly as possible if you can manage that yes
10:27off you go god who pissed on her Arga just do what she says I'll be gonna hunt for Jack
10:33pearl later
10:35if he's dressed as a sheer or something I am going to shank Simone I'll be park standard past
10:40all satin babe don't lie Ryan your tabard is unacceptable okay well um first off what the
10:51fuck is a tabard so we're actually wearing these real war one nurses uniforms is that a problem god
10:59no no no no no I I I love war yeah it just seems like a weird tradition even by
11:05the aristocracy standards
11:06sister Peggy Beale uh saved my grandfather's life of the battle of Cambrai uh trampled by a horse
11:16poor fellow uh crushed his skull to smithereens oh somehow he pulled through uh thanks to sister
11:26Peggy who tended to him day and night upon his return home he did two things
11:35first he vowed to honor sister Peggy at every family wedding from that day forth
11:43hmm
11:47and and and the second thing he stabbed every horse in the stable to death
11:51oh wow wow wow what what what an honor to represent the um British army in this way
12:03I mean I'm Irish of course um but you you can't help but respect the empire to ignore like 90
12:11% of
12:11the history and I'm and focus on things like the the tea and the and the fun uniforms and what
12:37goodness what would grandfather say about you okay uncle Albert let's uh get you back to the rest of the
12:44family
12:44we've actually been looking for you for hours
12:52Eddie
12:55are you wearing a bindi
12:57I had no idea you were coming yeah it was kind of a last minute decision
13:01huh
13:03okay um hug me then bitch
13:10oh I had no idea why would you where the fuck have you been California mostly
13:16oh so somewhere that definitely does have wi-fi then turns out there's more to life than social media
13:28I'd love it if we could talk
13:30one-on-one
13:31it's kind of why I came
13:33oh I mean yeah yeah of course
13:37right now that our fourth bridesmaid has finally arrived Eddie is it I'm putting you in charge of making sure
13:43the chapel is ready to go the rest of you back to your time
13:46oh ah actually Flopsy um I I I've done all mine you've moistened the taxidermy
13:52yeah you've cut the Nazis out of the portraits yeah yeah that that that one took a while but um
13:57yeah
13:57oh I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised
14:01so
14:04the sash
14:05oh yes
14:08this is for you
14:10it's from Simone hence the quality of the fabric
14:13no no no I'm
14:15it's too close
14:16right um
14:19you said if I
14:21if I finish all my tasks I could have a normal
14:24sash
14:25oh
14:27I'm not sure that's quite what I said
14:30why don't we see how you do during the ceremony if we can avoid any big scenes then we'll see
14:36Flopsy we need you the flowers are pink
14:38the flowers are what
14:41if that florist thinks she'll work in Surrey again she has another thing coming
14:44first the ribbon debacle and now this
14:55so could you show me to this chapel
15:14it's nice
15:17but it's haunted
15:20but like according to Ryan
15:23Ryan thinks the Dalston McDonald's is haunted
15:27so
15:30how have you been
15:33I'm sorry I haven't reached out
15:36I needed time
15:38to think
15:39about everything
15:41but
15:42also about us
15:48look this might be hard to hear
15:50but
15:52look
15:58I'll explain later
15:59right now
16:01I need to attack the man that's behind those flowers
16:17I have a weapon
16:19oh god
16:20not jack pearl
16:21that's plastic by the way
16:24I am here
16:25I am here to object to this wedding
16:26like it's Shrek
16:27oh you are not the Shrek
16:28you are the fuck one
16:30are you seriously going to ruin Simone's wedding
16:32just because she wants me the poor choice to go out with you
16:35go out with me
16:36we're married
16:38yeah
16:38didn't know that part did you
16:40got married in Vegas
16:42Simone thought it didn't count
16:43because she was wearing a bikini at the time
16:45but it did
16:46so I'm here as a lawfully wedded husband
16:48to stand up
16:49against bigamen
16:50ow get off
16:52don't touch me
16:53I've got the law on my
16:54have you always been nuns you two
16:56shut up
16:57could you not have just sent her a text
16:59she blocked me
17:01can you believe that
17:02like we was partners
17:04yeah
17:05and now it's like
17:06we're strangers
17:07you know
17:09I know
17:11it's hard to
17:13be the one that's still in love
17:16yuck
17:17I don't love it
17:18I just want a hundred grand to stay quiet
17:20oh you are such a fucking
17:21fuck right
17:22what was that
17:23swan whip
17:24guys
17:25kick off us in 20
17:26we need to get them out of here
17:27Anya
17:28I assume you brought the birds
17:29they've accepted me as their leader
17:31good
17:32I think they might be able to help
17:37you can't do this to me
17:38my cousin knows Rob Rinder
17:41now what
17:41we can't leave him up here on his own
17:43help
17:43help me
17:44I've been kidnapped by witches
17:54oh god
17:56Flopsy's asking where we are
17:57um
17:57just in the attic
17:59babe
18:00no
18:00why would you tell that
18:01do you not say that
18:02no I did
18:03my thumbs have millennial smartphone muscle memory
18:05oh god
18:06she can hear the moaning
18:07okay okay
18:08just um
18:09just let me think
18:10she's coming up in
18:10oh she can't run
18:11it's not there
18:11oh my god how
18:12tell her
18:13Annie's giving birth
18:14there's no baby
18:15hang on I can try and push
18:17tell her it's me
18:20the noises tell her I've had like an episode
18:22no
18:23that way I can stay up here with Jack so we can't escape
18:25the rest of you can go be bridesmaids
18:27no Megs
18:27if someone needs to stay I'll do it
18:29straight wedding is a boring as fuck anyway
18:31no
18:31it has to be me
18:33Flopsy won't believe it's anyone else
18:34it's her only choice
18:35but just go
18:39the bow's
18:41the bow's
19:09the bow's
19:12HE SIGHS
19:34You're too small to subdue him.
19:37I've never had any complaints.
19:41Mm. Mm.
19:50So...
19:53Do you want to have that talk?
19:58Not now.
20:00Let's just watch the wedding.
20:22I'm sorry.
20:26I'm sorry.
20:31Let's go.
20:31I'm sorry.
20:33I'm sorry.
20:40I'm sorry.
20:43Oh, my God, Maggie! Are you feeling better?
20:45Yep. All good, thank you.
20:50Done? Yep.
20:54Holland's got him trussed up in an out-of-service loom.
20:56I'm not sure what he's going to do with him exactly.
20:58No, he'll be fine. He's done this sort of thing before.
21:08Fuck Flopsy, man. She's got a rabbit's name.
21:11I can't believe we missed the food. I am starving.
21:14Will we go pillage a pantry?
21:16I've always wanted to see a pantry.
21:18Well, then we must.
21:22Hurry up before the servants see all the leftovers.
21:24Eddie, we are the servants.
21:29Not to brag, but I will find a kitchen using only my nose.
21:32Yeah, I believe it.
21:34Eddie, finally!
21:38Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so late. I got lost finding our new apartment.
21:43I ended up somewhere called Tottingham,
21:45and this guy with no teeth, he tried to sell me a horse.
21:53Oh, I'm sorry. This is my friend.
21:56Hi, I'm Whitney. You must be Maggie.
22:01I must be, yeah.
22:04God, I bet I look a mess.
22:06I literally grabbed whatever was at the top of my suitcase and ran.
22:10No, no, you look stunning.
22:13Oh, thank you.
22:21Drinkies?
22:22Let's do it.
22:27Well...
22:28Yeah.
22:29Yeah.
22:29Why are you dressed like Florence Nightingale?
22:32I could be a millionaire
22:35If I had the money
22:39So...
22:40Has it been awful?
22:42No, not awful.
22:46Did you tell her?
22:48I was going to, but then there was this whole mad drama.
22:52It's okay.
22:53It's okay.
22:55I'm here now.
22:56I can't help.
22:58Yeah.
22:59And you'll feel so much better once you sit her down and say,
23:04I'm sorry, but I cannot have you in my life anymore.
23:09I'm gonna do it.
23:12Soon.
23:19Just not tonight.
23:27Cheer up, little boy.
23:29Today is a wonderful day.
23:38I've been reading Browning.
23:41Keats and William Wordsworth.
23:43And they all seem to be saying the same thing for me.
23:50Well, I like the words they use.
23:52And I like the way they use them, you know.
23:56Home thoughts from abroad is such a beautiful poem.
23:59Beyond the book.
24:03To be time because hateful.
24:05I forget.
24:05To be in trouble.
24:06You'll be in trouble.
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