- 4 hours ago
A young Chinese nobody sets out to become a don in the Italian Mafia. When it turns out that earning respect, finding love, and discovering his identity doesn't come so easy, he'll have to fight his way to the top.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:21Tensions were rising in the mobs of Little Italy, Brooklyn, and Chinatown.
00:00:25They tried working together, but criminals can't be trusted.
00:00:34That's Al Capella, the real deal boss of Manhattan.
00:00:37Don't mess with him unless you collect horse heads.
00:00:40This guy's Amador Condimentum.
00:00:43He's the boss of Brooklyn, pedals in condiments.
00:00:47This is Chinatown's triad boss, Peng Fan.
00:00:50He speaks English, but when he wants you to feel small, it's all Chinese.
00:00:58Gentlemen!
00:01:01And then there's Sean O'Greedy, our crime commissioner on the take.
00:01:06Everyone's corrupt in this town.
00:01:07A decade ago, we moved away from drugs and gambling to run oils and spices and herbs.
00:01:16We are the original crime syndicate, begun centuries ago by Marco Polo.
00:01:25We've made fortunes selling addictive flavors, holding shops and restaurants hostage to bulk orders without discounts.
00:01:38Your gripes threaten everything.
00:01:41Look, Capella's passed his prime.
00:01:45He let the Chinese overtake Martin Mulberry Street.
00:01:49I'll run his territory.
00:01:51This is coming from a guy who's still stuck in his services.
00:01:54Look at that freaking alpha, would you? Look at his men.
00:01:56How dare you talk to me like that?
00:01:58You were nothing but a broken-down fight promoter until I made you what you are.
00:02:02Ha!
00:02:02Sit down.
00:02:03Sit down?
00:02:04Sit down!
00:02:05Listen!
00:02:07I don't want your trouble.
00:02:09Get in my business.
00:02:11Watch your mouth.
00:02:12Who the hell are you talking to?
00:02:25What did he just say?
00:02:27My boss said greed is a powerful aphrodisiac, but when the feast is over, no one cares about the sauce.
00:02:35What does that mean, nobody cares about the sauce?
00:02:40What does that mean?
00:02:41Means asshole.
00:02:43No, I know what it means.
00:02:45North Carolina Street, it means man who talk too much get killed.
00:02:47Watch your ass.
00:02:48Yeah, you sound like a Chinese fortune cookie.
00:02:52Am I right? Am I right?
00:02:56Forget about it.
00:02:58Careful, boys.
00:03:02Who the hell is he?
00:03:03Look at that freaking alpha, would you?
00:03:05Gentlemen, this is Tai Chu.
00:03:09Bless you.
00:03:09He's head of the Chinese family in Philly, here to discuss business.
00:03:15What's in it for him?
00:03:19We will see.
00:03:21Back in the day, Chu and Fat fell out.
00:03:24Something about a gambling dad and a girl.
00:03:26That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:54That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:56I'm here!
00:03:58I'm here!
00:04:04I'm here!
00:04:05I am the boss in Philadelphia!
00:04:09Heh, heh, heh.
00:04:15and I'm up for re-election so you better steady your relationships if not we're all ruined
00:04:24the next commissioner will dismantle everything
00:04:36power that's what appeals to me power
00:05:02I want to know how I can start when love has always torn my heart
00:05:13but if I feel the storm begin my mind is of a force and I rush in
00:05:23to what I know will always be
00:05:29a trip through pain and ecstasy
00:05:35but when my blood begins to raise
00:05:40my adult trepidations all erase
00:05:45what if she's the one I say
00:05:53how can I let her get away
00:05:58I just can't go another day
00:06:04without her by my side to stay
00:06:10I want to know if you could care
00:06:16the one who always would be there
00:06:22all I need by
00:06:24Do you know where wisdom and knowledge are?
00:06:26I want to know
00:06:43Yes what is it that you are seeking?
00:06:46I seek advice from the all-knowing Jade brothers
00:06:48tell me sir I use a great sage knowledge
00:06:51I am wisdom
00:06:52that told me there is knowledge
00:06:54hmm
00:06:55look I could really use some advice
00:06:58does the dragon make the rain fall without first breathing in the sweet smells of the incense?
00:07:04hey don't cha-ching wisdom make cheap you know
00:07:11hey that's for my new hip
00:07:13when I get it I'm gonna put my foot in Confucius Grace don't shine
00:07:17guys a little focus
00:07:20look today everybody in the city thinks I'm a hero
00:07:23the girl of my dreams kissed me and I'm in love
00:07:25I knew I was good but I never worked this fast before
00:07:29little cha-ching said you too fast
00:07:32that's not what your wife said she never had it so good
00:07:34what?
00:07:36which wife?
00:07:37all of them
00:07:37guys this is serious
00:07:41how could you be so sure?
00:07:44look it wasn't easy growing up the eldest son
00:07:50it was my duty to bring great pride to my family
00:07:58but I just couldn't measure up
00:08:00hold it you're not comfortable
00:08:02hey how much is the work over knowledge here?
00:08:05you mean to tell me the great jade brothers don't know the martial arts?
00:08:09yeah
00:08:09that much it was my game
00:08:11oh sissy rackets and little birdies
00:08:14if you're not gonna help I want my money back
00:08:16huh
00:08:17does the forest take back its silence when the woodchuck farts?
00:08:21look the point is
00:08:24I never took to the whole Asian thing
00:08:27it was Italian culture that grabbed me
00:08:31hey Vincent Vincent you're fine what's wrong?
00:08:33I don't go home
00:08:34even though I was raised in Chinatown
00:08:37I just felt like any other American kid in New York City
00:08:41a city where you can be anything you want
00:08:44me I wanted to be a wise guy
00:08:46they get respect and were my role models as a kid
00:08:49Vincent you're good
00:08:50let's go
00:08:51no good
00:08:52you're talking to me?
00:08:53forget about it
00:08:55you're a wise guy
00:08:56you're talking to me?
00:08:57forget about it
00:08:59you're a wise guy
00:09:08hey Vincent
00:09:28as you can see executing the wise guy attitude was gonna take some time
00:09:32in fact until last month I wasn't even close
00:09:36Now, my personal favorites are these cream-filled.
00:09:38And, but for you, I'm thinking, are you like a egg tart kind of guy?
00:09:43Chocolate kind of guy.
00:09:45Right up here, we've got beans.
00:09:48Oh, hey, Tina.
00:09:50How are things?
00:09:51Hey, Miss Mary.
00:09:52That's Tina.
00:09:53Wow, right?
00:09:54She dates wise guys, so I never really had a chance.
00:09:57That, and I always made a fool of myself.
00:10:00Hold on.
00:10:00Donnie!
00:10:02Donnie, bring up a DePoca order!
00:10:09You okay?
00:10:13What, I got something on my face?
00:10:17Whoa, Tina.
00:10:19Donnie, how are you?
00:10:21Oh my God.
00:10:22Good to see you.
00:10:23Okay.
00:10:23Hey, listen, you like lobsters and shrimps?
00:10:26Yeah, sure.
00:10:27How about I take you to the aquarium?
00:10:29We watch them run around a little.
00:10:31That don't sound fun.
00:10:32Let me take you out.
00:10:34Donnie, I told you a million times.
00:10:36You're a nice guy.
00:10:41Take a picture.
00:10:42It lasts longer, okay?
00:10:48This all could be yours, baby.
00:10:51This could be a future.
00:10:54Me, you, Miss Mary over here.
00:10:57And all the lobster tails you could eat, baby.
00:11:00Clean.
00:11:01Can I get it back, brother?
00:11:03This is home.
00:11:04A five-story walk-up in Chinatown.
00:11:06It's traditional Chinese.
00:11:08Except for the lottery tickets on Buddha's lap.
00:11:16Dad thinks vaping traditional herbs and reading yin and yang in the bedroom will keep enduro.
00:11:21I think it's worth it.
00:11:23Mom loves to cook and those are my two little brothers, if you can believe it.
00:11:27Bye.
00:11:31What is this?
00:11:32An opium den?
00:11:33Yeah.
00:11:34This stuff balances your yin with your yang.
00:11:36You should try it sometimes, Vincent.
00:11:38You're always unhappy.
00:11:40That's a sign of imbalance.
00:11:42My balance is just fine.
00:11:46Doesn't seem like balance to me.
00:11:48Not for nothing, Pop.
00:11:49But you got Buddha, fortune cookies, lottery tickets, and buckwad atlas.
00:11:53You work yourself ragged, but you never make it big.
00:11:56That don't seem like balance to me.
00:11:57You may be my number one son, but I'm the giver of life here.
00:12:02Forget about it.
00:12:03Lobo, why does your son sound like one of those Mulberry Street Italians?
00:12:07If he doesn't want to be Chinese, how will you stop him?
00:12:13Joey's my best friend.
00:12:15He's always looking out for me.
00:12:16The Godfather is one of the greatest films of all time.
00:12:20To have that kind of respect, that's a real man.
00:12:23That's pretty good, but I can get you guys.
00:12:26Yo.
00:12:28Let me get a couple spicy sausages and mustard.
00:12:32And a couple of drinks.
00:12:33Hey.
00:12:36Be smart, kid.
00:12:40Here you go, buddy.
00:12:41Ten bucks.
00:12:42Ten, ten.
00:12:43A hundred?
00:12:44Yeah, it's all good.
00:12:44There you go.
00:12:45Well, that's a hundred, man.
00:12:46I don't have change.
00:12:46Keep it.
00:12:47All right, thank you.
00:12:49Got any tacos or enchiladas?
00:12:52We got hot links and bone-in hot dogs.
00:12:55What do you need?
00:12:56Right, all right.
00:12:57A couple hot links, a little mustard, two sodas.
00:13:00You got it.
00:13:04Hey, you got this one, Dolan Vinny?
00:13:06Oh, yeah.
00:13:08The presence of two real goodfellas.
00:13:11Here there.
00:13:11Surprise are in Manhattan.
00:13:13You need more than that.
00:13:14What are you talking about?
00:13:15The mob's all over Manhattan.
00:13:17Yeah, a cappella's men, sure, but those were condimento's Brooklyn boys.
00:13:22And you know this because there's a Goomba Gazette?
00:13:25Nah, my Uncle Eddie works for condimento.
00:13:29Is your Uncle Fountain Soda Eddie?
00:13:31Yeah, he makes sure all the syrup for the fountain soda machine's a stack.
00:13:35What's all these years, Joey Risotto?
00:13:37You never thought to mention your uncle was the fountain soda?
00:13:39We're not allowed to talk about it.
00:13:43There she is, in all our heavenly glory.
00:13:47You know I'm telling you since we was in school.
00:13:49You didn't say nothing then, you won't know.
00:13:51Forget about it.
00:13:53She's my goddess.
00:13:54What can I say?
00:13:55Man up and ask her out.
00:13:58All right, I've got to go.
00:14:00I'm going to go to one of them bicycle classes.
00:14:01Oh, good for you.
00:14:03All right, love.
00:14:03I'll see you.
00:14:07Come on over here.
00:14:12Hey, Tina, how about we romance a big apple just with you and I?
00:14:16Not a chance.
00:14:17Not even a maybe?
00:14:19First, you need a bib.
00:14:22And, B, you ain't got no car, no connections, no nothing.
00:14:25A girl's got to secure her future.
00:14:28And when you can understand that, maybe you could get a girl like me.
00:14:32That's what I'm talking about.
00:14:35Well, I mean, how women resist you, I'll never know.
00:14:40Help me out.
00:14:41What do you want me to do about it?
00:14:43She's a lost cause.
00:14:44Introduce me to your uncle.
00:14:46Vin, in case you haven't noticed, you're not Italian.
00:14:50And not for nothing.
00:14:51It's a real dangerous life.
00:14:53Forget about it.
00:14:54Yeah, forget about it.
00:14:56Too much trouble for a girl anyway, right?
00:14:58Forget about the girl.
00:15:00Have you lost your mind?
00:15:02You must always pursue the girl.
00:15:05Ha!
00:15:06You never pursue the girl in your life.
00:15:10Call girls, maybe.
00:15:12Would you two quit it and let me finish the story?
00:15:15So?
00:15:21Vincent, don't think so much about it.
00:15:23Let's go out of your skill.
00:15:24Allow the kung fu.
00:15:26We'll sue you.
00:15:27I'm trying my best, you fool.
00:15:33Good job, man.
00:15:37If you spend more time to kung with us, you could have easily won.
00:15:48For instance, you have a skill, but you don't use it.
00:15:52You need to learn the kung fu.
00:15:54You see the change.
00:15:56I get it.
00:15:57It's for self-defense, but practicing for mastery, what's the point, Zipu?
00:16:03This art is part of who we are.
00:16:05It connects us to our ancestors and culture.
00:16:08Kung fu builds character.
00:16:17It's a lot of fun, especially when I get to be that woman, sir.
00:16:24Embrace kung fu.
00:16:26See the change.
00:16:29You've been practicing forever, Zipu.
00:16:31Doing the same thing every day.
00:16:35Is this life really good enough?
00:16:37More than enough.
00:16:40When you've done it, you'll see the change on you.
00:16:46Drink a drink.
00:16:59That's what we've done on this thing.
00:17:01Oh, okay.
00:17:02I'll see the mango.
00:17:04Yeah, it's on the thing.
00:17:05It's on the paper.
00:17:06Hey, Vincent, wait for the jade stock.
00:17:10I got so much stuff that's good for that, you little horned dog.
00:17:13It'll fill your pecker like a balloon.
00:17:16Bring me an extra ten boxes next week.
00:17:18We Chinese like the green tea.
00:17:20And I got avocados on special.
00:17:22They're good for the dopamine.
00:17:23Come on, man.
00:17:24Do your job.
00:17:26Why don't you show one of those bananas where the sun don't shine?
00:17:28I'm helping you out.
00:17:30Easy, easy.
00:17:36Oh, hey.
00:17:37You're useless, little man.
00:17:38Listen, my produce.
00:17:39Help me get my produce.
00:17:41Wait.
00:17:44Listen, help me.
00:17:45What are you doing?
00:17:46Come.
00:17:46I'd had it.
00:17:47It was time to join the mob, to get some respect, and get the girl.
00:17:51So I crossed Canal Street from Chinatown into Little Italy in search of my destiny.
00:17:57I stumbled onto the two goodfellas from the hot dog cart.
00:18:00It looked like they were in the middle of a territory of scuffle.
00:18:03You should be ashamed of yourself to wear your oregano smells.
00:18:06It tastes like sweat.
00:18:08He's right.
00:18:09It does.
00:18:09Listen to me.
00:18:10You tell Condimento that Al Capella's got a message for him.
00:18:13What was that message again?
00:18:15The message is you don't sell a dash, a pinch, a shaker of your oregano.
00:18:19You hear me?
00:18:20You tell Mr. Condominium over there, you tell him we find out he sells even a sprinkle of
00:18:24that crap you guys are selling anywhere in this neighborhood.
00:18:27He's going to have to answer to Mr. Capella.
00:18:29Capiche?
00:18:29It's now or never.
00:18:31Time to fulfill my destiny.
00:18:36Take that.
00:18:39Hey, punky!
00:18:45Like, want some mustard with that?
00:18:47Someone get some mustard for the slime-cutting bitch!
00:18:49Who?
00:18:50Who are you?
00:18:51Who interferes in the family business?
00:18:54A man asked you a question.
00:18:56I'm Vinnie Chow.
00:18:57Proving myself mob-worthy.
00:18:59Mob-worthy?
00:19:00Shall we whack him?
00:19:01No, no.
00:19:02We'll bring him in.
00:19:03Grab him.
00:19:04Come on.
00:19:05You come with us.
00:19:11Let's take him upstairs to see the boss.
00:19:14What's everybody looking at?
00:19:15Shut up.
00:19:15Keep walking.
00:19:18Here.
00:19:19You just get the money.
00:19:21I don't care where he is.
00:19:22You find him.
00:19:22I'll bring him down here.
00:19:23I want every penny he owes me.
00:19:25You understand?
00:19:26This is bullcrap.
00:19:27I don't...
00:19:28I don't...
00:19:28I don't...
00:19:46We brought you a Chinatown special.
00:19:48Oh, the Moogoo guy pan.
00:19:49I love those little round pancakes.
00:19:50That dish with the little pancakes.
00:19:52That's Mushu, not Moogoo.
00:19:53Get your hands off there.
00:19:55Mushu, Moogoo.
00:19:56Screw you.
00:19:57They're no freaking raviolis, but I love those little round fluffy things with the bump on
00:20:01the top like that.
00:20:03So nobody brought me takeout.
00:20:04No, no, no.
00:20:05Like I was saying, you were sending a message out to Condimento.
00:20:08And then out of nowhere, this ninja shows up and starts dropping a one-two on Vito and
00:20:11Luigi.
00:20:12And I gotta tell you, it was a beautiful thing.
00:20:14Yeah.
00:20:14He starts shoving red hot pepper flakes down Vito's throat.
00:20:17I mean, the poor guy was, had tears in his eyes.
00:20:21I did it for you, Don Capella.
00:20:23You mean to tell me you three idiots couldn't take care of two jerk-offs from Brooklyn on
00:20:27your own?
00:20:28Idiots.
00:20:28Excuse me, Postco.
00:20:29With all due respect, I think we handled this thing just fine.
00:20:33We can't have the fine citizens of the Lutli thinking we need help from the Chinese.
00:20:37You know what I'm talking about?
00:20:39No, we can't.
00:20:40That's why we brought them in.
00:20:41All right.
00:20:41Forget that.
00:20:42I'm hungry.
00:20:43Order me the Chinese pancakes with the scallions and the sauce on it.
00:20:47And charge it to Spezia.
00:20:49He owes me a lot of money.
00:20:51Yeah, why don't you two go find something else to do, huh?
00:20:54You, kid.
00:20:55You, sit down.
00:20:55Take a seat.
00:20:59All right, listen.
00:21:00What do you want from me, huh?
00:21:02While I'm in a good mood, talk to me.
00:21:04It all started when I was a kid, you see.
00:21:06You got three seconds, huh?
00:21:07I want to join the family and become a wise guy.
00:21:10What's to join the family and go?
00:21:11You ain't even Italian.
00:21:13I'm doing the best I can.
00:21:14Ma, keep pala, keep still car.
00:21:16He's got big balls, this kid.
00:21:18You don't join this here.
00:21:20I induct you into it.
00:21:21It's a special thing.
00:21:22And once I induct you, I give you an offer you can't refuse.
00:21:27Sure, I've seen the movies.
00:21:29You've seen the movies?
00:21:30This ain't the movies.
00:21:30There's no Chinese wise guys in movies.
00:21:33No.
00:21:34I had enough of you, kid.
00:21:36You keep sticking your nose in my business where it don't belong, and I'm not going to
00:21:40put you on a slow boat to China.
00:21:42I'm going to put you under one.
00:21:43Gabish, get him out of here.
00:21:46Come on, take a walk.
00:21:48He's not kidding.
00:21:49Come on, let's go.
00:21:56It's there.
00:21:58Going straight to the top was an epic fail, but I wasn't giving up.
00:22:03There had to be another way for a Chinese guy to get started in the mafia.
00:22:16Listen to me.
00:22:17Yeah, what?
00:22:18Take it easy.
00:22:18Okay?
00:22:19Get up those steps.
00:22:20What do we have to go in here for?
00:22:22Okay, what do you have to go here for?
00:22:24You know what you're going here for.
00:22:25In here?
00:22:27Where do you want to go?
00:22:28Get in.
00:22:35Let's go.
00:22:36Get in the ring.
00:22:37We'll straighten you out.
00:22:38What do you mean?
00:22:39What do you mean, straighten me out?
00:22:40Come on.
00:22:41Come on.
00:22:42Put these gloves on.
00:22:44Box around with little Johnny.
00:22:47They call him the Masher.
00:22:50Wait a minute.
00:22:51Bring him to me.
00:22:54Richie, get everybody out.
00:22:58Wait a minute, Jim.
00:23:02So, my sources tell me Capella's been moving product into Brooklyn.
00:23:07Capella's man, Frankie Browse, has been messing with my clerks.
00:23:11Forced him to buy his grated cheese.
00:23:13Yeah?
00:23:14What would your boys do?
00:23:15They're just boys.
00:23:16What could they do?
00:23:18They made them sign the order.
00:23:20And no bulk this town.
00:23:23I sell the grated cheese and the garlic powder around in Brooklyn.
00:23:27You don't buy nothing from that Manhattan wannabe.
00:23:30Get him out of here.
00:23:31Come on.
00:23:32Come on.
00:23:32Get up.
00:23:32Get out.
00:23:33Let's go.
00:23:34Come on.
00:23:34Look at these two wannabes and their fake bruises.
00:23:37You two guys are pathetic.
00:23:40Too scared to say what really happened.
00:23:42Not for nothing, boss.
00:23:43We were doing good until a dozen ninjas attacked us.
00:23:46Ninjas?
00:23:47Yeah, boss.
00:23:47They, like, they came out of the shadows.
00:23:49Capella must have made a deal with that hung fat.
00:23:52The Italian and the Chinese working together.
00:23:54You know?
00:23:55It's unprecedented, but not impossible, given the tensions between the Italians.
00:24:00What are we going to do, boss?
00:24:01Well, we got hundreds of olive oil cans around.
00:24:05Maybe we put them all over Chinatown.
00:24:07Oh, olive oil's Capella's racket.
00:24:09Right.
00:24:09Chinese don't buy Italian.
00:24:11We need an inside man.
00:24:13Someone expendable.
00:24:14I'm trying to go to war with Capella.
00:24:15Exactly.
00:24:16And while they're knocking each other off, we're going to move right in.
00:24:19Hey.
00:24:19We need an Italian.
00:24:21That looks a little Chinese.
00:24:22Kind of like a crossover.
00:24:23That's a good idea.
00:24:25Go see who you can see.
00:24:26Who are we going to trust, boss?
00:24:28It's not about who we can trust.
00:24:30It's about who's dumb enough to do it.
00:24:35The highly effective maid guy instills fear through intimidation and allows no one to refuse him.
00:24:41He lets his will be known, but until a maid guy can say deeply and honestly,
00:24:47I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,
00:24:52he cannot say I've chosen the path of the maid guy.
00:25:10There's O'Greedy sneaking into Yamcha Tong.
00:25:13Hung Phat's triad headquarters in the back of a restaurant.
00:25:17This guy's playing all sides.
00:25:22You come here, get us in trouble.
00:25:28The damn Italians can't work themselves out.
00:25:32The numbers are down and they're bringing attention to the operation.
00:25:35What is your pain?
00:25:37We partner to push out the Italians, keep the profits, and the provolone.
00:25:45And what do you want?
00:25:47Enough cash to bribe some officials,
00:25:50and you to find a way to get your products into Little Italy and Brooklyn.
00:26:16Thanks a lot.
00:26:24Me and you, us, together, what more could a girl want?
00:26:31Power, fame, fortune.
00:26:33And I'm working up, I told you.
00:26:34You're working up.
00:26:35You always say you're working up, you're not even working.
00:26:37Look at the car, Tina.
00:26:39Look at the car.
00:26:39I feel like it's a rental.
00:26:41Get out of here.
00:26:42Tina doll, I've come for you.
00:26:44Hey, get your stinking hands off my car.
00:26:46I'm talking over here.
00:26:47Hey, I'm Vinny Chow, independent associate.
00:26:51Ain't you the guy who was trying to pick me up with a hot link?
00:26:54Uh, no.
00:26:55Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was you.
00:26:57We all look alike.
00:26:58That's true.
00:27:00Are you sure?
00:27:02I said we're busy.
00:27:04Now scram.
00:27:05Hey, don't interfere with family business.
00:27:08I'm working for acapella.
00:27:10Oh, well, hold on.
00:27:12You're working for Mr. Acapella?
00:27:14Well, I'm not working for acapella.
00:27:16Well, I'm not working for acapella.
00:27:19Oh, yeah.
00:27:21Are you even Italian?
00:27:23You talking to me?
00:27:24Get out of here.
00:27:26Tina, get in the car.
00:27:27Hold on.
00:27:28Yeah.
00:27:29A girl could get far with a guy connected to the Don.
00:27:32I'm gonna go shake down a deli.
00:27:33You're coming with me.
00:27:35See you around, Rocco.
00:27:36Tina, get in the car.
00:27:38Tina, forget about it.
00:27:42Hey, kid.
00:27:43Don't you know drinking all that soda's bad for you?
00:27:45Yeah, my grandfather went to be 80.
00:27:48Did he drink a lot of soda?
00:27:50No, he minded his own business.
00:27:52Oh, you little wise guy.
00:27:53Get out of here.
00:27:54Hey, get over you little...
00:27:55Hit the road.
00:27:56Next.
00:27:58Reagan-o.
00:27:59$3.99.
00:28:00He's crazy.
00:28:01And it stinks.
00:28:16What are you doing, Vin?
00:28:18You know, you gotta watch what you eat these days.
00:28:21It's dry pasta.
00:28:23Those hydrogenated oils and trans fats.
00:28:27Forget about it.
00:28:28Sure, whatever.
00:28:30Now go demand some money so you can take me shopping.
00:28:33And then maybe I'll take you somewhere.
00:28:39Do something or I'm leaving.
00:28:42Maybe I could still catch Rocco.
00:28:51Hey, are you salami?
00:28:53For Christ's sake, I'm counting money here.
00:28:56Hey, what a lovely couple.
00:28:58You like 69?
00:29:00I love beef and broccoli.
00:29:03I'm Vinnie Chow, independent associate of Al Capella.
00:29:06I'm here to collect 300 large.
00:29:09I'm 300 large.
00:29:10Vinnie Chow, what kind of name is that?
00:29:12I never heard of no Chinese with an Italian name.
00:29:15Just because someone looks a certain way.
00:29:17Vinnie, give me a break, you.
00:29:19I'm here to collect.
00:29:20You don't pay, I gotta get rough.
00:29:23You're not even Italian.
00:29:24All right, I'll tell you what.
00:29:25Get anything you want, and I'll give you 30% off.
00:29:29You're offering me a discount?
00:29:30I'm offering you a discount.
00:29:32You're offering me a discount.
00:29:34Are you hard of hearing?
00:29:35I'm offering you a discount.
00:29:37I'm here shaking you down, and you want me to spend my money here.
00:29:41That's my one and only offer.
00:29:43Try the veal.
00:29:44I'm here all week.
00:29:45Next!
00:29:46Oh, buddy, your glasses are thicker than my provolone.
00:29:50Get out of here!
00:29:51All right, I'll take a pound of provolone.
00:29:54Coming right up.
00:29:56That's how you do business at Salami's Deli.
00:29:59You're not very good at this, Vin.
00:30:01Why do I need to explain this?
00:30:03Because I'm holding groceries, and you borrowed 20 bucks from me.
00:30:06Well, you let me handle the finances.
00:30:08Oh, you ain't gonna be handling nothing if you keep this up.
00:30:16Hey, Ma, we brought you some things.
00:30:19Did you go to Salami's today?
00:30:21You always gotta ask me the same thing.
00:30:23What?
00:30:24It was 30 off today!
00:30:27Oh, sorry.
00:30:30Thank you for bringing the stuff over.
00:30:47Get in the car.
00:30:48I said get in the car.
00:30:55Get out of here, sir!
00:30:56Get out of here!
00:30:57Come here!
00:30:58Come here!
00:30:58Come here!
00:30:59Come here!
00:30:59Come here!
00:31:00Get him in there!
00:31:04Look at this.
00:31:08Look at me, you.
00:31:09You think this is a big joke, huh?
00:31:11No, it's no joke.
00:31:12This is kind of funny, though.
00:31:13Am I right?
00:31:14Oh, yeah?
00:31:15You think what I do is funny?
00:31:16Or maybe you think I'm funny.
00:31:17Funny how?
00:31:18What?
00:31:19No, I...
00:31:20I know what it is, you little rat.
00:31:22You think you're the godfather.
00:31:23Or maybe you think you're the freaking Pope of Greenwich Village, huh?
00:31:26I'm just trying to prove myself mob-worthy.
00:31:28This ain't the Sopranos, kid.
00:31:30I don't care what you do on the other side of Canal Street.
00:31:32But over here, nobody messes with Al Capello.
00:31:35I had enough of you.
00:31:36Get the bats.
00:31:37With pleasure.
00:31:38Please.
00:31:40No, no, no, no, no.
00:31:41That, that, that, that, that.
00:31:42Get the wax.
00:31:44Not that one!
00:31:45No, not that one either.
00:31:47Cheese.
00:31:47You want to hit him with cheese?
00:31:49That's too expensive.
00:31:51That's the one.
00:31:52Crack him!
00:31:54No!
00:31:59All right, that's enough.
00:32:02Now get him out of here.
00:32:03Ay-ya!
00:32:04Why do you pursue them?
00:32:06Where's the motivation?
00:32:08Every child wants to feel special.
00:32:11My parents with all their offspring.
00:32:14But that's all maid guys getting attention and respect.
00:32:17Your family never rejected you.
00:32:21And Mei is there for you.
00:32:23No wise guy ever had a Chinese girl on his arm.
00:32:27You're disturbed in so many ways.
00:32:32So, what about your wounds?
00:32:35I went to ask my master for help.
00:32:37Ah, of course you did.
00:32:42I knew Sifu would fix me up without all the questions.
00:32:45What happened?
00:32:46I was admiring the majestic cherry blossoms when my bike flipped.
00:32:51If you would, you ride up your kung fu, it won't be happening.
00:33:00He taught me about body patterns used to heal or hurt someone.
00:33:30I'll rest.
00:33:31Now rest.
00:33:37VINCENT
00:33:38Vincent, I have to stay.
00:33:40It's difficult.
00:33:41I could come as soon as I could.
00:33:44I got something to do with frosting.
00:33:46Excuse me.
00:33:49What happened?
00:33:50Follow the bike!
00:33:53You don't have a bike.
00:33:57Ice cream?
00:34:12I wanted to get the best jade bracelet for my girl.
00:34:16And Ting's was just the place.
00:34:32Best place for Chinese ice cream.
00:34:34They have lychee with red beans and sweet and sour sauce and no MSG.
00:34:40Now I look like an asshole.
00:34:43Why?
00:34:43I didn't open the door for you.
00:34:45It's alright.
00:34:46I can buy you ice cream.
00:34:56Go knock, Valerie.
00:34:58Exciting.
00:34:59I know.
00:35:01The opening is in a week.
00:35:03Would you go with me?
00:35:05Sure.
00:35:06Promise?
00:35:08You did all these?
00:35:10Yup.
00:35:11All of them.
00:35:13You're really talented.
00:35:16Thank you for noticing.
00:35:18You have so many admirers.
00:35:20Why aren't you dating?
00:35:23I guess I just had my heart set on one special guy for as long as I can remember.
00:35:29You know how you feel, Mei.
00:35:34Vincent, I...
00:35:34No matter how hard I try, I just can't get Tina to fall for me.
00:35:41Have you tried to be yourself, Vincent?
00:35:44I mean, why try to be like others?
00:35:47You're perfect as you are.
00:35:49I don't expect you to understand.
00:35:53You don't understand you can live Italian when you're Chinese?
00:35:56Did not acting Chinese stop Warner Olin from being Charlie Chan?
00:35:59He was acting for television, playing a stereotype.
00:36:02Like you're doing right now because you think a certain kind of girl will like you.
00:36:05It's not real.
00:36:07You pretend to be nice, Mei.
00:36:10You're judgmental like the rest.
00:36:12Vincent, that would never...
00:36:13I need some air.
00:36:16I'm gonna have lunch with Joey anyway.
00:36:19Please don't go.
00:36:21Men at some time are masters of their fates.
00:36:23The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
00:36:28but in ourselves that we are underlings.
00:36:31Ow!
00:36:37Well, thank you, my darlings.
00:36:39Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:36:41Um, wait.
00:36:41Who has the flyers for the show?
00:36:52My mom says hi, and this is for you.
00:36:56Ooh!
00:36:57I love me some Mexican.
00:36:59Afternoon, Joseph.
00:36:59What's going on, Lawrence?
00:37:02Oh, you look horrendous.
00:37:04Ugh.
00:37:05And you look like you could use some stress relief.
00:37:09Here.
00:37:09Let me get those shoulders.
00:37:12Hey, Lawrence.
00:37:14Oh, it's never easy, is it?
00:37:18Anyway, here are some flyers for our new production of Julius Caesar.
00:37:22Come down to the playhouse and play with us sometime.
00:37:25Asians don't look good in tights.
00:37:27Yeah?
00:37:28Says you, Lord.
00:37:31Those bags under your eyes are bigger than a queen's purse.
00:37:35I am offended by this blech.
00:37:37Do yourself and me a favor and apply some preparation H.
00:37:42His eyes are swollen, not his ass.
00:37:46It constricts swollen tissues, sweetie.
00:37:48Oh, um, do you mind taping these to the tops of pizza boxes so they go out with deliveries?
00:37:53Yeah, put a snack over there.
00:37:54Ah, you are dull.
00:37:57Okay.
00:37:57I take my leave of you.
00:37:59I will see you Saturday at brunch.
00:38:01Yeah, forget about it.
00:38:02Okay, bye.
00:38:02Yeah.
00:38:03What's with you anyway, man?
00:38:04I'm just feeling down.
00:38:06Maroon.
00:38:08You didn't expect to do what you did and not get roughed up, did you?
00:38:11I mean, trying to extort a pound of provolone on Capella's corner?
00:38:14I was doing it for Tina.
00:38:17Anyways, Mei and I had a fight.
00:38:19Well, whatever it is, she's probably right.
00:38:21The people close to you don't like to see you get hurt.
00:38:24No.
00:38:25Put a word in with your uncle.
00:38:27If a Capella won't take me, maybe condimental will?
00:38:35That's a big request.
00:38:37I know.
00:38:38If it backfires, it'll break your legs, but that's what friends do, right?
00:38:42Wait.
00:38:46All right.
00:38:48I can talk for them.
00:38:50Thanks.
00:39:02Hung Phat had the idea of relabeling ramen noodles as Marco Polo Pasta
00:39:07and moving them into Little Italy.
00:39:19General Bung.
00:39:39The Japanese people were talking about this.
00:39:42The Chinese people stole our noodles.
00:39:50They called it spaghetti.
00:39:52We must steal it back.
00:39:54Japanese ramen.
00:39:57Why not Chinese noodles?
00:40:00Are you sure you are not?
00:40:01We definitely want to trust our Chinese noodles.
00:40:04So I'm going to use Japanese ramen to make it happen.
00:40:09Right?
00:40:13Stupid fool.
00:40:14We must respect Arnold Noodles.
00:40:17We use Japanese to fool Italians.
00:40:25That might work for a while,
00:40:28but we'll need a better plan to ruin them.
00:40:32I want all their territory, all of it.
00:40:36Everything is good.
00:40:38Our trucks are ready to deliver first thing tomorrow.
00:40:41I've got men in place to arrest the Italians
00:40:43if they start trouble, disturbing the peace and all that.
00:40:47New York will win all of us, hmm?
00:40:51Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:40:55Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:40:56Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:40:58Oh!
00:40:59I don't see what I said to her.
00:41:01Hey!
00:41:02Hey!
00:41:10If his plan backfires, there's going to be big trouble in Little Chinatown.
00:41:16So Hung Fat called on its top masters and their disciples for backup.
00:42:02Let's go.
00:42:37Let's go.
00:42:40Thumbs, don't hit that.
00:43:02Let's go.
00:43:47Let's go.
00:43:57Let's go.
00:44:10Let's go.
00:44:59Let's go.
00:45:01Let's go.
00:45:19Let's go.
00:45:35Let's go.
00:45:46Let's go.
00:45:52Let's go.
00:45:55Let's go.
00:45:59Let's go.
00:46:02Let's go.
00:46:03Let's go.
00:46:05Let's go.
00:46:25Let's go.
00:46:33Let's go.
00:46:48Let's go.
00:46:55Let's go.
00:46:59Let's go.
00:47:01Let's go.
00:47:18Let's go.
00:47:26Let's go.
00:47:34Let's go.
00:47:38Let's go.
00:47:51Let's go.
00:48:07Let's go.
00:48:09Let's go.
00:48:17Let's go.
00:48:21Let's go.
00:48:24Let's go.
00:48:27Let's go.
00:48:28Come on.
00:48:31I understand you're looking for a job with the family.
00:48:35I understand you're willing to do what it takes to earn a position in the family.
00:48:40I understand that you don't ask questions.
00:48:44Yes, Mr. Condimento.
00:48:45No, no, no.
00:48:45You don't talk to me.
00:48:47In fact, you never met me.
00:48:51If you got something to say, you say to Eddie here.
00:48:55Please tell Mr. Condimento I said yes, sir.
00:48:58You will distribute 300 gallons of olive oil in Chinatown.
00:49:02Clean and simple.
00:49:04This is unorthodox.
00:49:06Never been done.
00:49:07And you don't mess up.
00:49:08Or you will face serious consequences.
00:49:11Serious consequences for you and your family.
00:49:14Do we understand?
00:49:16Yes.
00:49:18You won't regret this.
00:49:19You don't talk to nobody, nobody about this arrangement.
00:49:24Huh?
00:49:25Do we understand?
00:49:26Enough with this do we understand.
00:49:29I think he understands.
00:49:31Sorry, boss.
00:49:31You know how I get when I don't have my soda.
00:49:34Do we understand?
00:49:38All right, leave now.
00:49:39Come on.
00:49:39Get out of here.
00:49:41Yeah.
00:49:50I think that was really well.
00:49:52Yeah?
00:49:59You know, I think we just found someone stupid enough to do this.
00:50:05I think we did.
00:50:07You gotta watch all that sugar.
00:50:09You're gonna catch the diabetes.
00:50:11I use protection.
00:50:19All right.
00:50:20All right.
00:50:25All right.
00:50:25Well, I gotta get going, boss.
00:50:27You ain't going nowhere.
00:50:28Sit down.
00:50:29Why?
00:50:29What's up?
00:50:32You might have to make funeral arrangements for somebody.
00:50:35Funeral arrangements?
00:50:35For who?
00:50:36Who died?
00:50:43I don't know yet.
00:50:47Look at me.
00:50:53Look at me.
00:50:54Look at me.
00:50:59What I gotta deal with.
00:51:03What are you looking away for?
00:51:05Al.
00:51:07Can you let me off the hook, please?
00:51:09For old time's sake.
00:51:11Joe Joe.
00:51:13I love you.
00:51:20God bless you, pal.
00:51:28Ave Maria, grazia plena.
00:51:36Things good, huh?
00:51:38Did you get the message?
00:51:39Ave Maria, grazia plena.
00:51:46I just had the greatest day.
00:51:48May, I'm sorry about yesterday.
00:51:50I just was a little anxious about things.
00:51:53Tell us about your day.
00:51:54Yes.
00:51:55Where have you been, Vincent?
00:51:57You're supposed to be here at noon to watch your siblings.
00:52:00I had a job interview.
00:52:02An interview?
00:52:04What position?
00:52:06Delivering olive oil.
00:52:08Italian olive oil, huh?
00:52:10How much do they pay you?
00:52:12It's a trial period.
00:52:15Forget about it.
00:52:17Oh, boy.
00:52:17Uh-huh.
00:52:17Did you hear this?
00:52:18The Italians are making slave labor of the stupid among us.
00:52:23Oh, Lord.
00:52:24I'm dying over here.
00:52:25What happened to your Chinese accent, Vincent?
00:52:28I was raised in New York, Ma.
00:52:30I never had a Chinese accent.
00:52:31I eat too much spaghetti when he's out.
00:52:34Vincent, my gal is in a couple of days.
00:52:37Promise to escort me?
00:52:40I'll be there, Mayor.
00:52:41I promise.
00:52:42Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a really big day tomorrow.
00:52:48When he comes around, the world will finally make sense.
00:52:53We only wish the best for Vincent.
00:52:56But why you wait for him is a great mystery.
00:53:00It's all I can do.
00:53:02I love his authenticity.
00:53:04He lives from his heart.
00:53:05If only his authentic hearts produce authentic jobs.
00:53:11There I was, pushing Italian olive oil in Chinatown.
00:53:14My first stop was Lu's Herbal Shop.
00:53:28Vincent.
00:53:29What have you got there?
00:53:31Ancient Lu.
00:53:32This is olive oil.
00:53:34Difficult product to sell in Chinatown.
00:53:36It's the best olive oil money can buy though.
00:53:38Fresh olives pressed only once.
00:53:41It's called extra virgin.
00:53:42Virgin?
00:53:44We like our virgins.
00:53:45Yeah.
00:53:46How many cases do you want?
00:53:47You can infuse them with your tonics.
00:53:49My herbs make a limp man solid.
00:53:52Your father.
00:53:54The best customer.
00:53:55Enormous libido.
00:53:57Makes his back weak.
00:53:59Cause and effect, you know?
00:54:00Sure.
00:54:01Because you're so good to my father, I'll give you a discount.
00:54:05You're a good son.
00:54:06You look after your parents.
00:54:08And you care for their health.
00:54:11That is honorable.
00:54:14Thanks ancient one, but I...
00:54:20Your father has good credit here.
00:54:25Ancient Lu is just so darn polite and spiritual.
00:54:28Go.
00:54:29Or did he just hustle me?
00:54:44Hey, how you doing?
00:54:46You want some olive oil?
00:54:47Huh?
00:54:48You want some olive oil?
00:54:50No.
00:54:50No?
00:54:51Are you sure?
00:54:52Yeah.
00:54:53Alright.
00:55:03This was an actual job with the mob.
00:55:06But no one was taking the oil.
00:55:25I just had to prove myself.
00:55:27I couldn't fail.
00:55:28It's time to use intimidation and force the noodle maker to buy olive oil.
00:55:33I don't buy peanut oil only.
00:55:35I got a full shipment of olive oil.
00:55:37I tell you, I have plenty of wok oil here.
00:55:39No, no, no.
00:55:40I give the orders around here.
00:55:42Go tell your little boys to go stock it.
00:55:55You go now.
00:55:55I call Mr. Hong-Fan.
00:55:57Forget about it.
00:55:58Forget about nothing.
00:55:59I hate you again.
00:56:00Waste my time.
00:56:02Xin chai bao.
00:56:03Ba di chau.
00:56:08Yeah, ginger fresh.
00:56:10Huh?
00:56:11Just come in.
00:56:12Oh, look at this lettuce, huh?
00:56:14Organic.
00:56:15Huh?
00:56:21Ah, excellent okra.
00:56:23Yeah, good.
00:56:26Sao, you're here, huh?
00:56:32Yes.
00:56:34Look at this oranges, huh?
00:56:35Fresh.
00:56:36Just dropping off some things from over the engine.
00:56:42Got some things in there for now too.
00:56:44Alright.
00:56:47Oh, yeah.
00:56:48It's nice.
00:56:49Oh, chau.
00:56:50Geez.
00:56:51Oh my god.
00:56:52Sorry, huh?
00:56:55Yeah, take this one.
00:56:57This one hole, not broken.
00:57:08Hahahaha.
00:57:10I love oil in Chinatown.
00:57:11Vincent Chao.
00:57:14I can deal with him.
00:57:16He made Vincent Chao! Now!
00:57:19Don Gordon, knock it off. Sit down.
00:57:23This is very important today.
00:57:26Don Vincenzo's coming from Sicily
00:57:27to set things right between the crews.
00:57:30Condimento's got no power, though.
00:57:32Well, he's got enough juice to bring the diner
00:57:33on special occasion, doesn't he?
00:57:35Yeah. Here's what we're gonna do.
00:57:37We're gonna pick him up at the airport. You got it?
00:57:39I'm gonna show him the ledger.
00:57:40I gotta be very persuasive.
00:57:43You two get the limo ready. Make sure it's polished.
00:57:45Make sure the cheese is aged.
00:57:47And you know what? Get some homemade wine.
00:57:49I think the old man will like that, okay?
00:57:51And then go to Chinatown
00:57:52and find out what the hell is going on over there,
00:57:55because something ain't kosher.
00:58:00What are you waiting for? Go!
00:58:03They're like the gang that couldn't shoot straight, these two.
00:58:05Where'd you get them?
00:58:14Oh, to May.
00:58:20May, how are you and Vincent getting it on?
00:58:24Auntie is only looking after your future.
00:58:27Vincent has yet to have a nice day.
00:58:29We have hoped that the two of you...
00:58:32Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
00:58:34We just want the best partner for our May.
00:58:37Look at you with your art opening.
00:58:40I know!
00:58:41I know!
00:58:43You know, my God, guys, um, have you heard?
00:58:45Vincent, I mean, Vinny has been hanging out in Little Italy
00:58:48acting like a guido.
00:58:50Is that true, Vincent? Did you act like a guido?
00:58:53No, not like a guido.
00:58:55Mm-hmm.
00:58:56You know, everybody's been talking about it
00:58:57and that, like, he's trying to get with this girl
00:58:59who goes around and tries to steal some cheese from the deli?
00:59:02It wasn't stealing anything.
00:59:05Uh, May.
00:59:06I can't believe May would just walk out like that.
00:59:09Oh, no.
00:59:09I'll go.
00:59:15May.
00:59:19Forget about that.
00:59:21Tonight is about you.
00:59:23It's your special night.
00:59:27I have loved you my entire life, Vincent.
00:59:29I always thought if I waited long enough,
00:59:32you would recognize your feelings for me, too.
00:59:35Have I only wasted my time?
00:59:37I just never thought...
00:59:40That's just it, Vincent.
00:59:41Why do you think I'm always at your house?
00:59:43I'm there to see you,
00:59:45to spend time with you.
00:59:50We've had so many moments,
00:59:52yet we've been oblivious to them all.
00:59:54That's not true, I...
01:00:02Chia, what's wrong with that son of yours?
01:00:04Uh, you should love him.
01:00:05He doesn't act Chinese.
01:00:08Vincent.
01:00:09Vincent, carefully.
01:00:10I'm, in fact, looking for you.
01:00:13Desperia!
01:00:14A few cans, that's all it was.
01:00:17No.
01:00:19The one thing I wanted,
01:00:20I wouldn't know him.
01:00:22I apologize to him.
01:00:23He may crash the bone,
01:00:24but at least he'll live.
01:00:27Right?
01:00:28You make sure you do that.
01:00:29I've been watching from the shadow.
01:00:41Look, Ma, look what that cute Chinese boy gave me.
01:00:44Who?
01:00:45That delivery boy from the other day?
01:00:47He doesn't stand a chance with you.
01:00:49You never know.
01:00:51What is it?
01:00:52You don't like Italians anymore?
01:00:53What, you like Chinese now?
01:00:55You know, Ma, race has got nothing to do with it.
01:01:01Stop.
01:01:02It's cute.
01:01:03It's cute.
01:01:03It's cute.
01:01:04It's very small.
01:01:05It's cute.
01:01:14Cheers.
01:01:15For that.
01:01:30Hung fat was coming for me.
01:01:32Tina started liking me.
01:01:34Mei's mad at me.
01:01:35And my parents were threatened.
01:01:37It's no wonder I ended up in trouble.
01:01:39We gonna see about that, honey.
01:01:44Well, hello, Vincent.
01:01:49I think I'm being followed.
01:01:51Things didn't go well?
01:01:52I hardly placed any cans.
01:01:54It's like the Chinese don't speak my language.
01:01:57Okay.
01:01:57Enough of this dumbness.
01:02:00What gives?
01:02:01I'm trying to distribute the mob's Italian olive oil in Chinatown.
01:02:04I'm supposed to explain myself to the triads who found out, but now are following me.
01:02:08Wait.
01:02:08The mob?
01:02:09The triad?
01:02:12Okay, look.
01:02:13I am not one to judge a lifestyle, but...
01:02:16Damn!
01:02:17This is some crazy shit.
01:02:18I don't wanna face Chinese water torture.
01:02:20I don't wanna wear cement boots either.
01:02:22I told you family life was dangerous.
01:02:25You gotta lay low today.
01:02:27After brunch.
01:02:28Vincent, when the actor embraces their role, the audience just can't resist.
01:02:35They're hooked.
01:02:36Yeah, Vin, you gotta walk it like you talk it.
01:02:38And you better speed walk it, or we're all gonna be in deep shit.
01:02:41I'm not gonna be in deep shit.
01:02:43Okay.
01:02:44Right.
01:02:45I've come this far.
01:02:46No turning back.
01:02:48Time to play the main guy role.
01:02:50No more eating rice.
01:02:51Mmm.
01:02:52Testify, little brother.
01:02:53No more eating egg rolls.
01:02:55Embrace the wise guy within.
01:03:07Forget about it.
01:03:08It's like if you agree with someone, you know?
01:03:11Like, Scarlett Johansson's one great piece of ass.
01:03:14Forget about it.
01:03:16But it also could mean go to hell, too.
01:03:18Like, hey, Polly, you got a one-inch pepper?
01:03:22Sometimes it just means forget about it.
01:03:26Bravo, Vinny.
01:03:28Bravo.
01:03:29Forget about it.
01:03:30Forget about it.
01:03:32You know what you wanna order?
01:03:36Never a knife when you need one.
01:03:43Vincencio.
01:03:44Cha-cha!
01:03:52I got this.
01:04:12I should have never invited you out the brunch.
01:04:25No, no!
01:04:29No.
01:04:32Ah!
01:04:38Ah!
01:04:42No!
01:04:43Now it's running back.
01:04:44Ah!
01:04:45Ah!
01:04:46Ah!
01:04:47Ah!
01:04:48Ah!
01:04:51Forget about it!
01:05:01Time's running out, Mr. Vinny.
01:05:03I'm Special Agent Johnson, and this is my partner.
01:05:06Special Agent Johnson.
01:05:08Oh, that's cute. Like, uh, Johnson & Johnson.
01:05:11I love the baby oil.
01:05:12We prefer the two Johnsons.
01:05:15Ooh. Double dash first. Double double dash first.
01:05:18We're with the Department of Food Safety and Hygiene.
01:05:22Is that a real thing?
01:05:24It's been a rough couple of weeks, hasn't it, Mr. Chown?
01:05:27Oh, oh, I told him. I told him it would be a bad idea.
01:05:30That was some crazy-ass triad shit.
01:05:33I know there, Mr. Lawrence. Your martial arts skills are pretty good.
01:05:37Well, you know.
01:05:40I'm just trying to uphold a long line of black martial arts heroes.
01:05:43Like Ron Van Cleef, the Black Dragon?
01:05:46Jim Kelly in Into the Dragon, and as Black Bell Jones.
01:05:50Wesley Snipes in Blade?
01:05:51Oh, oh, and Eddie Griffin in Undercover Brother.
01:05:55Oh, jeez.
01:05:56What? It's a good film.
01:05:58Uh-huh.
01:05:59Mr. Ching, we've been tracking the food and spice distribution syndicate of the New York mob,
01:06:03and we're well aware of your interactions with Capella and Condimento.
01:06:07Commissioner O'Greedy has joined forces with the evil triad leader, Hong Fat, to take over Little Italy.
01:06:11And thanks to your olive oil fiasco, Hong Fat's looking for you.
01:06:17I was just trying to extort some cash and distribute some olive oil cans.
01:06:21And what's with this Ching Chong?
01:06:23My last name is Chow.
01:06:25Sorry, we got you confused with the other Korean gentleman we were tailing.
01:06:30That's racist.
01:06:31I'm not Korean, I'm Chinese.
01:06:34I thought you were Italian.
01:06:35Only in his mind.
01:06:37You're not helping.
01:06:38I'm just saying.
01:06:40Gentlemen, concentrate.
01:06:41Condimento sets you up the fall like a souffle.
01:06:44Your friends, your family, they're all in danger.
01:06:48We believe we may have a way out for you.
01:06:50And we believe you have the motivation to pull this off.
01:06:53Yes.
01:06:55Anything to protect my family and friends.
01:06:58Good.
01:07:00Vincenzo Cento, the Sicilian don of all dons, will be arriving in New York to broker a meeting
01:07:05between Condimento and Capella.
01:07:07That's where you come in, Mr. Chow.
01:07:10What?
01:07:11We need their ledgers showing where to get the products, how they're stored, and what
01:07:14the real exploration dates are, and everybody involved.
01:07:18We need all this stuff to nail these guys.
01:07:21But what does that have to do with me?
01:07:22We need you to go undercover.
01:07:25Deep undercover.
01:07:27Infiltrate the mob and get those ledgers.
01:07:29We need you to impersonate the don.
01:07:34No way.
01:07:35I've seen the movies.
01:07:36You go in alive and you come out dead.
01:07:38And it's usually your best friend who does it.
01:07:41I don't want to put Joey through that pressure.
01:07:45I appreciate that.
01:07:47I couldn't even extort provolone.
01:07:49And I don't even look Italian.
01:07:51A white guy played Charlie Chan.
01:07:52I believed him.
01:07:54Charlie Chan's a white guy?
01:07:55Besides, no one's seen the don.
01:07:57There's not one photo of him.
01:07:58And your friend Lawrence here is pretty good with makeup.
01:08:01He could actually make you look like the don.
01:08:04Oh.
01:08:05Oh, oh, oh.
01:08:06Hell no.
01:08:07No.
01:08:09That shit ain't gonna work.
01:08:11Thanks, Lawrence.
01:08:13Well, Johnson's all right, though.
01:08:15This is the only way we can fix it.
01:08:18What would Shakespeare do?
01:08:24Though this be madness,
01:08:27yet there is method in it.
01:08:29Ah, what the hell.
01:08:31Besides, I might like me an Italian gangster to rough me up.
01:08:34Mm-hmm.
01:08:35I'm looking at you, Vinnie Chow.
01:08:38Okay, gentlemen.
01:08:39So, we have an agreement?
01:08:43Yeah.
01:08:44Excellent.
01:08:45Good.
01:08:45Excellent.
01:08:46Let's do it.
01:08:46Whoa, whoa!
01:08:48Charlie Chan's a white guy?
01:08:50Oh, shit.
01:09:01This is the big moment to be the don.
01:09:07It's do or die.
01:09:16We've never met.
01:09:19We've known each other many years,
01:09:21but this is the first time you came from here for counsel or for help.
01:09:25Godfather, if I must say,
01:09:27we are so grateful for your counsel.
01:09:30It's truly our loss that you are so far away in the old country.
01:09:33How did this happen?
01:09:36A rivalry within the family.
01:09:38Hey, I sell the spices and the herbs,
01:09:42but this greedy Acapola, he's like a little baby boy.
01:09:46He wants all the candy for himself.
01:09:48Look, product out big, profit in small,
01:09:52invoices from Brooklyn paid,
01:09:54invoices from Manhattan not paid.
01:09:59You're giving me a lot of answers,
01:10:01but you're not giving me the right ones.
01:10:04I gotta say, boss,
01:10:05I think the don is right.
01:10:07I think we should cooperate.
01:10:08Yeah, well, this bum is full of shit
01:10:10because he's taking way more than he deserves from the back end.
01:10:13You wanna see?
01:10:14Here, Godfather, excuse me.
01:10:16Take a look at this.
01:10:24I like to run this bum out of town,
01:10:26but you know what would happen?
01:10:27The Chinese would detect
01:10:28that we got weakness in the family,
01:10:30and then they'd run in right away
01:10:32with their gingers and their spices.
01:10:34Five spices, in fact.
01:10:37How about them mooshu pancakes, huh?
01:10:40Fluffy, am I right?
01:10:41Fluffy.
01:10:43Forget about it.
01:10:44Fluffy.
01:10:45Mooshu pancakes.
01:10:46There's nothing quite like a good pasta and sauce.
01:10:50Pasta?
01:10:51Who calls it pasta?
01:10:52This spaghetti and this macaroni.
01:10:55Forget about it.
01:10:55This tastes like freaking cardboard.
01:10:57Do me a favor, sweetheart.
01:10:58Get the box, huh?
01:10:59Let me look at this.
01:11:01What brand?
01:11:03Marco Polo, what is this shit?
01:11:05What's up, bro?
01:11:06Roman King, you believe this?
01:11:08Get it out of here.
01:11:09Clean the table.
01:11:13I knew it.
01:11:14I knew it.
01:11:14He's a fake.
01:11:15It's that wannabe Vinnie Chow.
01:11:17Get the bastard!
01:11:34Get him!
01:11:53He's working for the triads.
01:11:55I knew it.
01:11:57I thought nobody makes a fool of Capella and gets away with it.
01:12:00Get online, pal.
01:12:02Because he's got your ledger, too.
01:12:03What?
01:12:04Get the Chinaman!
01:12:07That's it.
01:12:07I'm calling Luca.
01:12:08He's calling Luca?
01:12:09He's calling Luca Fagioli.
01:12:17Hang on.
01:12:18You just got lucky.
01:12:19Wait on round two.
01:12:21Yeah?
01:12:22Oh, boss.
01:12:23Do me a favor, huh?
01:12:24Get the stilettos, the guns, the knives, whatever you got, and bring them down here.
01:12:28And I want you to grab Johnny T, Produce Joe, Donnie the Baker, and Salami the Deli Man.
01:12:34All right?
01:12:34The Deli Man?
01:12:35Man, what's that fat rat bastard going to do?
01:12:37Sit on him?
01:12:38We need manpower.
01:12:39Shut up.
01:12:40Ask him to call up the rest of my guys here.
01:12:43I got no service here.
01:12:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:12:44Okay, yeah.
01:12:45And do me a favor.
01:12:46Call Gondomendo's Garlic Goombas, all right?
01:12:48This idiot forgot to charge his phone again.
01:12:50What else is new?
01:12:51I had a busy day.
01:12:52I ain't got no time to charge a phone.
01:12:54Yeah, I know.
01:12:54You're probably calling the broads.
01:13:13What was that?
01:13:15The sound of one hand cupping.
01:13:21Three against one?
01:13:22Well, you are very careful young man.
01:13:26You should go to the other side
01:13:28and sell the other side of the other side.
01:13:31You don't want to go to the other side
01:13:32and sell the fortune cookies.
01:13:35I wasn't really working for them.
01:13:37Bullshit.
01:13:38It was just a trial.
01:13:40Trial?
01:13:42Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
01:13:45The most happy thing in life is to get yourself
01:13:48and try yourself.
01:13:53I was just trying to impress a girl,
01:13:55get a little respect and make a little money.
01:13:58You out of all people should understand that.
01:14:01Wrong.
01:14:03Fuck you.
01:14:04You have to go to the house.
01:14:06Trial.
01:14:08Trial.
01:14:12No one gets me in China town.
01:14:15Who's lying?
01:14:24You're out of all people.
01:14:34You're out of all people.
01:14:49Who's lying?
01:14:51Vincent!
01:14:51Vincent!
01:14:51Hey!
01:14:51What?
01:14:51Why Vincent doesn't like me because I'm fat?
01:14:53Uncle Fu, you're very hard.
01:14:56You guys got problems.
01:14:59Hey.
01:15:00Hey.
01:15:03Hey.
01:15:03You okay?
01:15:04Hurry up.
01:15:04Hurry up.
01:15:07Hurry up.
01:15:09There's no time.
01:15:10I have to get Hung Fat's lodger.
01:15:13Get that to the agents.
01:15:15I'm going to Hung Fat's warehouse.
01:15:17Call Lawrence.
01:15:18Shifu, let's go.
01:15:54These ships are not oleh.
01:15:55They're hungry waiters.
01:15:56They don't know how to sell things.
01:16:05This is a wannabe Chinese wise guy.
01:16:07Get him.
01:16:08Let's go.
01:16:15You know what?
01:16:16We're too old for this.
01:16:17No, I'm kidding.
01:16:18My back is killing me.
01:16:19Let's go sit.
01:16:19What's the matter? You got sciatica or something?
01:16:21I got something. I don't know. My leg is hurting.
01:16:23Well, you know, there's a masseuse, you know.
01:16:25Yeah? Yeah, come on.
01:16:26Does she do happy ending?
01:16:27Oh, yeah, dude.
01:16:56Help me.
01:16:57I'm scared.
01:17:02I have no idea.
01:17:03I'm scared.
01:17:04Oh, yeah.
01:17:05Oh, yeah.
01:17:06Yeah, I'm scared.
01:17:07I need one.
01:17:08Oh, no.
01:17:08Oh, yeah.
01:17:10Oh, yeah.
01:17:19Let's go.
01:17:51Vincent!
01:17:56Vincent!
01:18:21No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
01:18:52Música
01:18:54Música
01:18:55Música
01:19:01Música
01:19:11I don't know.
01:19:32Look at the way they fight. They don't fight like we used to.
01:19:35Yeah, I taught you everything you know.
01:19:36Yeah, I know. You taught me the one-five, one-five.
01:19:39Two, three, and four right guard. Thanks a lot.
01:19:41Me!
01:20:08Good job, officers.
01:20:10I have intel that'll put these gangsters away for life.
01:20:16I'm on your side.
01:20:18That damn Vincent Chao.
01:20:21He can say, forget about it, just not in Chinese.
01:20:24His mom sent him out for low main.
01:20:26He came back with penne.
01:20:30What the hell's going on here?
01:20:31What's this?
01:20:33You played me like a puppet.
01:20:35Yeah, and it was a good plan, too, huh?
01:20:37Am I right? Am I right?
01:20:38What do you think of me now, Mr. Capella?
01:20:40You surprised us all, you freak of rat.
01:20:43You'll get yours.
01:20:44What, you got shoe polish on your eye?
01:20:47Come on, don't be so rough, huh?
01:20:49Can I get a soda? Come on, I feel a little parched.
01:20:51Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
01:20:54Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
01:21:03Mr. Chao, a couple questions for you.
01:21:06I'll meet you outside in a minute.
01:21:14Wow, Vin, you're even more powerful than the mob.
01:21:18A girl could really have a future connected to a guy like you.
01:21:33I always use the good one.
01:21:52Now do you see my problem?
01:21:54Oh, you got a problem.
01:21:57Okay, let's see if we got this.
01:22:00You are a Chinese guy who seek out a gay black man and turn you into an Italian white guy.
01:22:07You like a girl who has no interest in who you are, but she's Italian and has a nice body.
01:22:15And another girl who likes you for who you are, but you're no interest in her because she's Chinese.
01:22:20You dismiss your Chinese family and culture, and your only friend is an Italian boy who's now Mexican.
01:22:27And you managed to get the Italian and the Chinese mafia trying to kill you.
01:22:33Forget about it!
01:22:36And yet, in the end, you foiled them and become a hero.
01:22:42And now you're in love.
01:22:45Did we miss anything?
01:22:48No, but when you put it that way, it just sounds so unhealthy.
01:22:51Unhealthy, yes, but understandable.
01:22:55I was just looking for acceptance, respect, and the love of a woman.
01:22:59And you achieved all that, not from intimidation, but while being selfless and helping others.
01:23:07But Mace Altina kissed me and ran off. I've lost her.
01:23:11You have not lost her. She's waiting for you to come to her.
01:23:18Forget what we say.
01:23:21Wisdom and knowledge is within you.
01:23:26Go. Go get the girl.
01:23:41I couldn't reach Mae. I called, left her messages, texts, and social media posts.
01:23:46She finally texted me to meet her on the rooftop.
01:23:48How can I let her get away?
01:23:52Mae.
01:23:56I wanted to thank you for everything.
01:23:58And that I've been a real jerk.
01:24:01Yes, you have been.
01:24:03Look, I came all the way from Columbus Park to tell you
01:24:06that you're charismatic, beautiful, and that I want to be with you.
01:24:13What about Tina? How about the mob?
01:24:16Forget all that. I was misled, and now I know who I really am.
01:24:22Look, I want you to have this.
01:24:26Are you kidding me?
01:24:27I would never accept a recycled gift.
01:24:29You understand that you can get a girl like me.
01:24:32Hey, I'm trying my best to tell you that I love you.
01:24:37You're not a very well-put-together guy, Vincent.
01:24:41Look, a guy's got to look out for his own future.
01:24:46And I want you in mine.
01:24:49Here's your real gift, Mae.
01:24:52My grandmother's Jade Buddha.
01:24:59It's precious.
01:25:13You know, we could make a big family.
01:25:16And start our own La Familia.
01:25:19And take over Lower Manhattan.
01:25:20Better yet, maybe we move down to Philly and infiltrate the cheesesteak business.
01:25:24Ah, forget about it.
01:25:27I didn't see you coming
01:25:30Until it was too late
01:25:34I didn't see you coming
01:25:37I thought I'd have to wait
01:25:40I didn't see you coming
01:25:43I thought I would be blue
01:25:47Because, baby
01:25:49I never expected you
01:25:54I didn't know what hit me
01:25:58Until I hit the ground
01:26:01I didn't know what hit me
01:26:05I didn't know what hit me
01:26:07I didn't know what hit me
01:26:10I didn't know what hit me
01:26:12You shook me through and through
01:26:15Because, baby
01:26:17I never expected you
01:26:22I never expected to feel this way again
01:26:29But it seems we've met and kissed before
01:26:33Although I cannot tell exactly where or when
01:26:37I never knew the magic
01:26:40A single kiss could give
01:26:43I never knew your magic
01:26:47Would make my poor heart live
01:26:51I never knew the magic
01:26:54That only you could do
01:26:58Because, baby
01:27:00I never expected you
01:27:24I never knew the magic
01:27:26Is on the way
01:27:29To the truth
01:27:33You knew your magic
01:27:36B-B-B-B-B-K
01:27:43I never expected you
01:28:01I never expected to feel this way again
01:28:09But it seems we've met and kissed before
01:28:13Although I gotta tell her exactly where or when
01:28:17I never knew the magic a single kiss could give
01:28:23Oh, I never knew your magic would make my whole heart live
01:28:30I never knew the magic that only you could do
01:28:37Because, baby, I never expected you
01:28:44Because, baby, I never expected you
01:28:51Because, baby, I never expected you
01:29:00Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
01:29:05ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
01:29:05ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
01:29:05ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
01:29:05ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
01:29:06ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
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