00:00I got to get your guys' thoughts on the mistake that I made.
00:02And you guys have been through this, I'm sure, a hundred times.
00:05But it was just...
00:06This is a kid thing?
00:07Yeah, an amateur mistake.
00:08And Total just botched it.
00:11And Mark tried to help me.
00:13I was asking him for ideas this weekend.
00:14So my parents were in town visiting from Seattle area before they go to Spain this week.
00:19Ah, nice.
00:20In fact, they just left this morning.
00:21So it was my parents, my kids, and I.
00:24And you know what you do.
00:24You're looking for activities to do.
00:26Did you think about coming downtown?
00:28Oh, I came downtown.
00:30Oh, no.
00:31Have your parents been downtown before?
00:33Yeah, but they...
00:34Cherry Blossoms?
00:35No Cherry Blossoms.
00:36You didn't do the Cherry Blossoms?
00:36Never seen them, no.
00:37Okay, good.
00:38They don't care about that.
00:39Okay.
00:40You're trying to think, what can you do with the kids, right?
00:42Right.
00:43I went to...
00:45It's got to be the most overrated place.
00:47Most overrated place in all of D.C.?
00:49In all of D.C.
00:50Wow.
00:51Smithsonian.
00:52The Air and Space Museum.
00:53Those are the two go-tos.
00:54But you're close.
00:55Yeah.
00:56Those are the two go-tos.
00:57Gallery of Art?
00:58No.
01:00You're not going to take little kids there.
01:02I don't know...
01:03The dinosaurs or whatever.
01:03Let me tell you something.
01:04What's that one?
01:05Museum of Natural History.
01:07Yeah.
01:07The museums all stink.
01:09Yeah.
01:09I'm not into those either.
01:10For the most part, yes.
01:11I'm never step-put in another one the rest of my life.
01:13I might turn into Bickle after this past weekend.
01:16Yeah, good.
01:16The National Zoo is an absolute miserable experience.
01:21What was I thinking taking my kids and my 77-year-old parents there?
01:27It's first of all...
01:28The walk up hill.
01:29Can we redesign the metro and drop you off in front of the zoo?
01:32There's a billion people walking up that mile up the hill.
01:36Woodley Park.
01:36Woodley Park.
01:37Is not close.
01:38Why didn't someone warn me?
01:39Why have people always hyped up this dumb zoo?
01:42You should have driven.
01:43Should have driven.
01:44Now, you're going to pay...
01:45I mean...
01:45But even if you drive, you get to park down.
01:47You get to park down.
01:47I didn't want to deal with that.
01:48Just take the metro.
01:49Metro is easier.
01:49Get the metro center.
01:51How many animals were asleep?
01:54They're all asleep all the time.
01:55That's the big thing.
01:57You can't even see them.
02:00They just sit there.
02:01Can I tell you one thing, Cakes?
02:02Yes, please.
02:03I don't care about conservation.
02:05I'm not interested in it.
02:07I don't care about the plan.
02:08Join the club.
02:09The habitat.
02:09I'm not interested.
02:11If I'm coming to the zoo, I want that thing in a glass box.
02:16You want to see some gorillas?
02:17I want to see that miserable animal get out there, get the zapping rod, get out there
02:23in front of the people, put on a show for eight hours a day, then you can go back in
02:28your habitat and live a great life.
02:30You're just spending the entire time poking your head.
02:32Where is he?
02:33Where is he?
02:33Can you see him?
02:34Yeah.
02:35The kids are miserable.
02:36Every kid is miserable.
02:38It's a horrible layout.
02:40I don't even know.
02:41We don't even have those big Chinese pandas or whatever that everybody gets into.
02:46No, no, no.
02:46The pandas are there.
02:47They're back.
02:49That's the biggest scam at the zoo is the line to get in and see the pandas.
02:54Why didn't anyone tell me?
02:56Nobody told me.
02:58Ape house?
02:59What is that?
03:00It's where the apes are.
03:02Oh, apes house.
03:02Yeah, big gorillas.
03:03You think I made it that long?
03:04After I saw the pandas, I got the hell out of there.
03:07I said, that's a wrap.
03:08We're going home.
03:09The panda line, 45 minutes long, they go into the panda house.
03:14First of all, I didn't know the pandas are just in some cement block.
03:18That's what they're doing all day?
03:20They're not eating bamboo.
03:22Oh, they have a big-ass enclosure.
03:23Oh, no.
03:24Yeah, the big-ass enclosure is a jail.
03:27Panda's house sounds like silly Chinese food.
03:30There's cement blocks painted like the sky.
03:34And those things are just sitting in there, laying on a box.
03:37And if they turn over, the crowd goes crazy.
03:40It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
03:42You wait 45 minutes in line, and then they got the dumb guy yelling,
03:45keep it moving, keep it moving, take your pictures and walk.
03:49I think the birds, I haven't been in years, but the birds is the biggest waste, too.
03:54You think I saw that?
03:56There's the bird house.
03:57The bird house is so far off the beaten path, there's no chance you've got to.
04:01They have monkeys, right?
04:02Definitely monkeys.
04:03A lot of monkeys.
04:03I like monkeys.
04:04He didn't go to the A-PALS.
04:05I punched out.
04:06I punched out.
04:07My parents were miserable.
04:08My kids are miserable.
04:09I'm trying to fake it.
04:12How long were you there?
04:13Boots on the ground at the zoo.
04:15Maybe an hour and a half.
04:16Top 70 minutes.
04:1745 of them are in line for the panda house.
04:19Wow.
04:20Dude, I'm not sure I would stay in 45 minutes to see Jesus.
04:24It's a half-hour walk up the dumb hill.
04:26Sure.
04:27Did you see a giraffe, at least, or an elephant?
04:30You don't see any animals.
04:31They're all hiding.
04:33The leopards.
04:34The elephants and giraffes are roaming around outside of their...
04:39I saw the elephants.
04:40Every once in a while, there's an orangutan above you.
04:44Well, yeah, they're swinging on the ropes.
04:45Isn't it butt-smelly, though?
04:46I saw the elephants are 100 yards away.
04:48The ape house and elephant house, especially smelly.
04:50Butt-smelly.
04:51Get duty everywhere.
04:52But the lions or tigers or whatever, those guys are always sleeping.
04:56They're always in the shade.
04:58Sleeping.
04:58They're just sleeping.
04:59Get up.
05:00Get some caffeine.
05:01Get up.
05:02Throw it on a big raw steak.
05:03You're not going to sleep all day.
05:04People are wasting their time.
05:07At least it was free.
05:08Yeah.
05:08To come down here and see you.
05:09It didn't cost anything.
05:10Get up and put on...
05:12We're not...
05:13I don't care about their habitat.
05:15I don't want to read.
05:16I'm not going to read the whole thing.
05:18Yeah.
05:18You think the red panda was out?
05:20No.
05:20No, the red panda.
05:21She wasn't flipping her cuffs.
05:23She's better.
05:24A million times you're tilted me.
05:25Way more entertaining.
05:27She's way more entertaining than any panda that's out of the zoo.
05:29We're falling off the tricycle a hundred times more entertaining than anything the National
05:33Zoo's got going on.
05:34They got nothing.
05:35Yeah, you should never go back.
05:35There's so many people there.
05:36Everyone's going, why did we do this?
05:39This is terrible.
05:40I think I could gauge you.
05:41You have a similar interest to me.
05:43Like normal stuff.
05:43I have curiosity for life.
05:45You have zero curiosity for life.
05:48Okay.
05:48Give me an example.
05:49Give me something you're curious about that I wouldn't be curious about.
05:51He's been to Spain.
05:52Artemis.
05:54Artemis?
05:56I got you right there.
05:58Now, this doesn't have a lot of time.
05:59I'm actually curious about it.
06:00I actually am curious about it.
06:02But sometimes you go to the zoo and the animals are active and it is worth it.
06:05But I've been to the zoo many times when the tigers are all in their enclosure and nothing
06:12is out and you're like, this is a big dud.
06:14You know what I like?
06:15It just depends on where you go.
06:16There's nothing in D.C. for you.
06:18Other than restaurants.
06:19I like aquariums.
06:20You put that whale in a big tank.
06:21It's got nowhere to go.
06:23You go, oh, okay.
06:24I see the orca.
06:25It's lovely.
06:26It's once you have a show.
06:28The flips.
06:29And all that kind of stuff.
06:30The dolphins will come out.
06:33That's not in a real aquarium.
06:34I think you see that at aquariums sometimes.
06:36They'll have a show.
06:37In an indoor aquarium.
06:38More than salt is going to have dolphins doing flips all over the place.
06:43I'm out of all nature.
06:44It's more like SeaWorld or like King's Dominion.
06:46I'll tell you.
06:47The highlight was some otter.
06:50Like tiny otter popped its head out.
06:51And then everyone rushes to the gate and tries to take pictures.
06:54Then you're getting pushed up against the gate and the kids are crying.
06:57It's miserable.
06:58Couldn't wait to leave.
07:00Get me out of DG.
07:01Never get off your list.
07:02You won't ever have to do that again.
07:03Everybody takes their kids once.
07:04It's a one and done.
07:05I don't think there's anything for you to see in the city.
07:07There's nothing in there.
07:08I mean, I like the city.
07:09I mean, I like walking around like it's pretty.
07:11No, no.
07:11Restaurants and drinking.
07:13That's what it's good for.
07:14I mean, you can't do that with little kids.
07:16No, of course.
07:16Exactly.
07:17It's for restaurants.
07:19Neighborhoods are cute.
07:20Woodley Park is very nice.
07:21You get to the zoo.
07:22It's over.
07:23You might as well just turn around and go back to the metro.
07:26Yeah.
07:26Hey, I get enough DC driving in here five days a week.
07:30Were your parents happy with it or were they complaining?
07:32No, they're troopers.
07:33They just want to be around the grandkids.
07:34They just want to be around the kids.
07:35So they didn't really care.
07:36Your kids are, you know, your kids are what, about four?
07:39They're five.
07:40Five.
07:40They just want to get a panda stuffy.
07:43That's all they cared about.
07:44Yeah, they want a souvenir.
07:45They're good.
07:48At the end of the weekend, I said, what was your favorite part about the weekend?
07:51You think they mentioned the zoo?
07:52What was the favorite part?
07:54Eating snacks or going in the pool at the hotel.
07:58That was it.
07:58You should have stayed at the hotel pool the entire weekend.
08:02You'll never go to the zoo again.
08:05Not this one.
08:06Maybe if I'm in San Diego, it's the same.
08:09You know?
08:09I've been to San Diego Zoo.
08:10It's the same.
08:11You're not going to do anything unless you go on a freaking safari in Africa.
08:15And I know you're not doing that.
08:16You're not doing that.
08:17I know you're not doing that.
08:18I'd be more likely to do that than to go back to the National Zoo.
08:21I know that.
08:22Probably true.
08:23Good point.
08:24I've only been there a couple times, but it's just a nightmare.
08:27Nothing happens.
08:28They just sit there.
08:29I want a zoo run by tyrants.
08:32Right.
08:32That's what I want.
08:33Get in the box.
08:34No habitat.
08:35No habitat.
08:35No brush.
08:36Nothing.
08:37You want Siegfried and Roy running your zoo.
08:39Glass box.
08:40You're in that thing for eight hours a day.
08:42Put on a show.
08:43Right.
08:43You know what the zoo's like?
08:44It's like when listeners sit in the corner and watch us do our radio show.
08:48Right.
08:48At least you're in here.
08:50At least you're here.
08:51They can see you.
08:52Right.
08:52At least we're doing something.
08:54Yeah.
08:54We're talking into the mics.
08:55We're trying to be entertaining.
08:57You should have asked us.
08:58They're always asleep.
09:00Animals are always snoozing.
09:02Yeah.
09:02Like for me.
09:03I like going to see the lions.
09:05Lions always way back in the corner in shade.
09:08Even with little kids.
09:10Bowling.
09:12We should have gone bowling.
09:13Ask me.
09:14I would have had you set.
09:15Next time we'll go bowling.
09:16Bowling.
09:17I'm entertained by Born to Bowl on HBO Max.
09:19I'm not going to lie.
09:20It's pretty good duck.
09:21Duck pins.
09:22You would have been set.
09:23Did you at least get zoo nachos?
09:25Did you get anything?
09:26Anything of note?
09:26No.
09:27Where did you go eat?
09:28Nothing.
09:29Did you go all the way back home before you ate?
09:31Or did you find a place in DC?
09:32Back home.
09:34Just got something like a live and learn experience.
09:38Yep.
09:38That's what it was.
09:39Yeah.
09:39All right.
09:40Well, next time just ask the junks.
09:41I got to ask.
09:42The zoo.
09:42Never again.
09:43It's not happening.
09:44I don't think there's anything worth coming out.
09:45Like Cake said, any of the museums or the freaking flowers everybody wants to see.
09:51The flowers.
09:53Whatever.
09:53The cherry flowers.
09:54Cherry flowers.
09:56Massively overrated.
09:57Stupid.
09:57Even though I'm wearing a cherry blossom, that's that.
09:59I do like that hat.
10:00Massively overrated.
10:01I was going to say, where did you get that?
10:02Got it from the gnats.
10:04It's from the box you got.
10:05It was all gift boxes, Ricky.
10:06I gave the gift box.
10:07I thought I was being magnanimous, but I would have taken that out of it.
10:10You would have taken the hat.
10:11I should have.
10:11All right, Drag, you learned your lesson.
10:13Zoo.
10:13Never again.
10:14Yep.
10:14Never, ever, ever again.
10:16Stinks that you had to go through that.
10:17When it was that segment yesterday, you called Rose and Thorns.
10:22Thorns and Roses.
10:23That was your thorns.
10:24That was your thorns.
10:25You didn't ask me, but that was a massive thorn in my side on Saturday.
10:29All right.
10:29When we come back, we are going to get into Alex Ovechkin.
10:32Is tonight his final game as he takes on the Columbus Blue Jackets?
10:36Is this his final game as a Washington Capital?
10:39800-636-1067.
10:42You're welcome to call in.
10:43We'll tell you what we think.
10:44If it's Ove's last game or not, we'll do that next here on The Fan.
10:48We'll tell you what we're going to do next here on The Fan.
10:48We'll tell you what we're going to do next here on The Fan.
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