- 4 weeks ago
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00:00Do you want a jet fuel, Matty?
00:22What?
00:23Yerba Mate.
00:24Yeah.
00:25Something called Cogni-Cogni-Q?
00:28Yeah, Cogni-Q's good for you, I feel.
00:31We're doing really good so far because the food has been what I've been in control of.
00:38Has been really great.
00:41Perfection is our goal today.
00:45How's that jet fuel?
00:46It is kicking in.
00:49Good.
00:51Can I get you one?
00:53Can you get me one?
00:53Just think, we didn't create potatoes.
00:58We didn't create any vegetables.
01:00Everything was given to us by...
01:03Sorry, can we just...
01:04I just want to go talk to the construction guys because the vibration...
01:07I just want to see what's going on with that truck.
01:09They're building a house.
01:11Please send a camera to...
01:12Was that the seventh day he made potatoes?
01:14This is what I'm talking about.
01:15We made cameras, but God gave us brains.
01:19I'd say that's a lawnmower.
01:20Andy, give him your gun.
01:23What's out of your control here?
01:26Everyone and everything seems to be out of my control.
01:29Redemption is close.
01:32I can smell it.
01:34And everyone's going a little loose and a little...
01:36I don't know what's happening.
01:37I think we were really centered.
01:40He's going to be flying.
01:42Andy, you know he's a recovering addict?
01:46Right.
01:47Love is complicated.
01:48Things can get in the way.
01:53I'm so scared about what's about to happen.
01:57Do you drink the whole thing?
01:59Yeah.
02:00Once I got a taste for the chemicals, I got...
02:03I pretty much relapsed.
02:05This is a relapse episode.
02:07Yeah.
02:08I got to do some deep praying.
02:10Hey everybody, I'm Matty Matheson.
02:26This is Just a Dash.
02:27And we're going to be making fish and chips.
02:30The floors are creaky, huh?
02:31This house is like as old as fish and chips.
02:35What year was England born?
02:38Guess.
02:40Four?
02:43Four...
02:43Four B.C.?
02:45Yeah.
02:46Okay.
02:47How many B.C.'s are there?
02:48There's only one Christ, so there's only one B.C.
02:52That's before Christ.
02:52It's just one year?
02:53No, there was like 10,000 B.C.
02:55There's a movie called 10,000 B.C.
02:57What's this little pot for?
02:58Please tell me it's for cooking the potatoes.
03:00You want a bigger pot?
03:01No, for sure not.
03:02You want to season the water when you're making these potatoes kind of heavily.
03:07This element seems fake.
03:09Here, do you want to heat that?
03:09Do you think it has less power that it's here in a new home?
03:13What do you think?
03:13What are you doing?
03:14I'm just going to boil it here first, and then we can move it over.
03:16Okay.
03:18I'll get prepared.
03:19Yeah, you do that.
03:21How many years have you been doing jet fuel?
03:23Uh, a day.
03:26What?
03:27Our water's boiling, and we're just going to take our potatoes and drop them in.
03:32And look, this pot's actually perfect.
03:34If we made this really good, we would have had beef fat, and I would have deep fried the
03:39potatoes and beef fat.
03:40I have duck fat here.
03:42What?
03:43Do you blame a lot of your problems?
03:46Like, do you think that you are the way you are because of margarine?
03:48I think it could be part of it.
03:50But you know who grew up in more of a margarine household, and I think that's probably why she's
03:54the way she is?
03:55Loser.
03:56Loser!
03:57Your gut bacteria makes you angry.
03:59Yeah, this is what I'm talking about.
04:01Lyctans.
04:02Lyctans.
04:03Yeah.
04:05There.
04:05That's perfect.
04:06Okay, these are done.
04:07Okay, let's get a cauldron.
04:08Okay, it's a colander.
04:09That's what I said.
04:10Oh, my God.
04:10Oh, look.
04:11I prepared this perfect door for you.
04:12Yes, thank you.
04:14And this is what?
04:19Is there overhead?
04:20No.
04:22You know why?
04:24Because it's stupid.
04:25I'm just doing a second pass.
04:27No.
04:29Not of this.
04:31You have four cameras set up right now.
04:33You can't get any shots of the food.
04:35It's all about the details.
04:37Exactly.
04:38No second passes.
04:39Have a great day.
04:40I'm Matty Matheson, and this is Just a Dash.
04:44I feel like I'm going to fucking puke.
04:46Go have a...
04:47Go get some fresh air.
04:49Take some water with you.
04:51We've got to make this whole thing again.
04:55What?
04:57Just a Dash has gone away for a little bit.
04:58I've gone and become very successful.
05:00I don't really need to do this.
05:02I'm trying to do this because I love these people,
05:04and it seems like some of them need jobs.
05:06And so I'm just trying to help them out,
05:08and I said the one...
05:09And I said the one thing.
05:11And I said...
05:12And I said the one thing.
05:15This season, Matty was like,
05:16I want to have a good time.
05:17I'm not doing second passes.
05:20You guys figure it out.
05:21Do you realize we used to make 12 episodes in six days,
05:24and we would stay up for 20 hours a day,
05:26and we would shoot two episodes a day,
05:28and two second passes.
05:29So it was like making four episodes a day.
05:32This really isn't an exaggeration.
05:34We hardly slept.
05:36We were exhausted,
05:38and we were trying to make, like,
05:39a really good cooking show.
05:41This thing is...
05:42The overhead's going to be incredible.
05:45It looks so bad.
05:49Fuck.
05:49Why is it only second pass?
05:51And then this is what we're looking for.
05:52Can we get close-ups?
05:53Do you guys got close-ups?
05:54I've denied the privilege
05:58of doing second passes on this season
06:01because I'm lazy.
06:03This is getting hotter.
06:06I have a lot more ego.
06:08Put a little piece of crackling on it.
06:10I just don't want to.
06:13And I'm paying for this.
06:18Do you have it?
06:18Not yet.
06:20It's literally a steaming hot potato.
06:22We almost got it.
06:23Okay.
06:23It could be more still.
06:31Okay, it's starting to burn.
06:32Ow.
06:33Okay.
06:33Fuck you.
06:35Did you get it?
06:36Okay.
06:37I feel high.
06:40Why don't you drink another one of those drinks?
06:43Or you can make the coleslaw.
06:44I'd like to make the coleslaw.
06:46Are you good?
06:47Well, we have the lawnmower going.
06:49I don't give a fuck.
06:50Phil.
06:52Go fucking shoot it so we can cut to it at least.
06:55Yes, sir.
06:56Don't fucking call me sir beanbag.
06:57What's that?
07:02I like that.
07:03Oh, Sound Guy loves it though.
07:04It's not good.
07:06You genuinely want to stop.
07:07Well, it'd be nice if these guys weren't doing that.
07:10What would be nice about it?
07:12Just the sound?
07:14Yeah, the sound.
07:14It's part of the show.
07:15This is on YouTube.
07:16They watch it on their phones on a bus.
07:19Is somebody farting?
07:20Who, Sound Guys?
07:22Sound Guy.
07:22I bet he's breathing heavy too.
07:25He breathes so heavy.
07:27I feel like literally buzzing.
07:29Whenever he comes up and he like puts his mic on me.
07:32Yeah, I feel buzzing through my body.
07:37Do you want to fight?
07:40Go fight the lawnmower guy.
07:42I don't want to hurt.
07:43I would never want to hurt.
07:44I wouldn't even want to hurt him.
07:45I would hurt you so bad though.
07:47I'd love to fight him full out.
07:49Like just a full, no one leaves in like a brick room.
07:55Just me and Andy.
07:57I don't understand why we have to do second passes
07:59if there's four camera people.
08:01Okay, go.
08:01Well, I don't, she's back here.
08:02Like I know what I did.
08:03Just if everyone could give me space.
08:05Okay, okay.
08:06And stop worrying about sound.
08:07Because everybody watches.
08:09Okay.
08:10Buddy, you can't even get a Webby award.
08:12I feel, I can't see right now.
08:16Ah.
08:16Ah.
08:18Very well.
08:20Yes.
08:20Very well.
08:21Relax, sweetheart.
08:23Second pass.
08:24Like I feel the vision is fuzzy and it's dangerous.
08:27Cut it using a knife is crazy.
08:29So we're going to slice it up.
08:31So we're going to cut this like a big onion.
08:33I'll just put on your oven mitts and do it for you.
08:36Yeah.
08:36I think so.
08:38Remember we did that?
08:39Yeah.
08:39Yeah.
08:40I do think so.
08:41See you guys.
08:42Okay.
08:43And then we just slice it across.
08:44The vision stuff is weird with this shit.
08:49What are you seeing?
08:50No, it's just like my eyes can't focus.
08:55And we're just going to need half an onion.
08:57I'm going to focus so I don't hurt myself.
09:00My hands feel like they're shaking.
09:02My eyes are shaking.
09:05You won't even notice.
09:08Onion in.
09:09And then I said I wanted to dice everything.
09:12I just want to slice.
09:13I want to grate this.
09:16Why are my eyes burning?
09:18I think it's the onion.
09:19Okay.
09:20There we go.
09:21That makes sense.
09:24Ricky?
09:25I'm right here.
09:26I chugged a jet fuel.
09:29Why?
09:30My hands are fucking crazy.
09:32Yeah.
09:32He's actually having a rough time right now.
09:34And we have a lawnmower.
09:35And there's a lawnmower.
09:36The biggest concern.
09:38Let's go check in on this dude.
09:41Dude, I just caught that fuzz.
09:44Isn't that so sick?
09:46I'm not going crazy.
09:47You're the one that's going crazy.
09:48You're the one that's saying fucking you're...
09:50I can't hear the lawnmower.
09:51Yeah, because you shotgunned a jet fuel.
09:54That's a big yard.
09:55No, I can hear it all day long.
09:57Just got a quick question for you.
09:58I know you guys are working.
10:00We're filming something here next door?
10:01He's just making some coleslaw in there on camera.
10:04Is there any way he can get through that really quick?
10:08Nothing.
10:09I don't want to hold you guys up.
10:11He's like, he's just making some coleslaw in there.
10:14Sorry, man.
10:16Yeah, yeah.
10:17He fucking lied to me.
10:18Mark.
10:19Like he lied about how long it's going to take.
10:23Because I feel like...
10:25Like that fucking yard is huge.
10:28Is it right?
10:28Yeah.
10:30A little more shogs.
10:30What happened?
10:33What happened?
10:34These guys are gardeners.
10:35They're not construction workers.
10:36He's stopping the video every five minutes.
10:39Let me just go tell him to hurry up then.
10:42Yeah!
10:43Isn't soundproof literally like egg containers?
10:47Well, we have a lot of egg containers.
10:51Okay, we're going to make...
10:54Oh, a nice plug.
10:55You don't need me to hop on like a thing?
10:57Yeah, it's all good.
10:58It's so good you can add stuff to it to make it better.
11:01We're going to make tartar sauce.
11:05What do you benefit from this feeling?
11:08I don't understand.
11:09Cool.
11:10I think just go ahead.
11:11We'll...
11:11Yeah.
11:12My eyes are still burning.
11:18That's because you're cutting onions again.
11:21It's so stupid.
11:23Cooking is dumb.
11:25I hate cooking.
11:28A lawnmower stopped.
11:29Well then, let's make a cooking show.
11:32Hey, I'm Matty Matheson.
11:36Just in time, they're back.
11:37Okay, it's back.
11:38You don't have to tell us
11:39because it doesn't mean we're stopping or starting
11:41or stopping and starting.
11:47That'll cut.
11:48That'll cut.
11:50What is this, sex?
11:53Yeah, it's sex.
11:54Who's that?
12:00You just want to get your capers ready?
12:03What is in this?
12:05Did you guys put something in here?
12:06It's like literally capers.
12:07Okay.
12:09Shitty capers suck.
12:10And I feel these are shitty capers.
12:12Okay, but like...
12:13Salt.
12:15They need to be in salt, not brine.
12:17Just fucking for God's sakes.
12:20Have you taken a picture
12:21of what I've been doing lately
12:23for continuity?
12:24Yeah.
12:25Okay.
12:33He's having fun.
12:42That's loud.
12:43I can hear that.
12:45That's not nice.
12:49I'm not doing them.
12:51It was the one thing I said.
12:52I said I'd make just a dash,
12:53but I'm not doing them.
12:54You guys can figure out how to do them
12:56because I don't want to do them.
12:57The problem is that we've already recognized
12:58that our wrist sizes are different.
12:59It takes six hours to even do this.
13:01Don't even fucking...
13:02Sound doesn't even matter.
13:05What do you want?
13:05Stop opening that drawer.
13:07It'll make you angry.
13:09What do you mean?
13:09Just say it.
13:10Peppermilk!
13:11It's a nice willow tree, though.
13:14It's a big willow.
13:15This guy's not even doing anything.
13:17A little bit of salt.
13:17Just a pinch of salt, okay?
13:19Pinch of salt.
13:19Touching his fucking...
13:20And we're gonna...
13:21Trimmer against the tree.
13:22There's just enough ranch
13:23to pull this all together.
13:26Like, nice...
13:26I think there's someone down here...
13:27Did you want to use those paper things?
13:28Yeah, okay.
13:29We'll put it in the fridge.
13:30Can you try this?
13:31I can't taste anything.
13:32Okay.
13:32The jet fuel fucked me up.
13:35This...
13:36There's a kid...
13:36This kid's like...
13:37You want to put some lemon juice in it?
13:39I feel like poison ivy over here, too.
13:43No.
13:45I won't.
13:45Okay.
13:46Just a little...
13:47Too vinegary now?
13:48Let me try.
13:50No, it's gotta be...
13:52Oh, weird.
13:52I feel like they're ignoring me.
13:54Sauce.
13:54Tartar sauce.
13:55Tartar sauce.
13:57Tartar sauce.
13:58We're gonna do a big cleanup.
13:59We gotta clean up now.
14:00Okay, let's do it.
14:01Okay.
14:03Look at him.
14:04Hey, everybody!
14:05We're gonna do a big cleanup!
14:07And then after this commercial break...
14:09Hopefully, there's no more lawn care going on around us.
14:11But lawn care is important.
14:15Maybe I'll see if I can catch him down by the water.
14:16Okay, we're gonna do a big cleanup.
14:18See if I can catch one of these guys.
14:20Where is that vacuum?
14:25Good news is...
14:26Lawn care is done.
14:29Good...
14:29Bad news...
14:30I'm still gyrating at a rate that's like...
14:33Seems like a lot.
14:35Oh, Andy laughs.
14:40He won't have the last laugh.
14:43I just don't...
14:45Get why Andy is allowed here.
14:48I didn't tell him to shotgun it.
14:51Shotgun it.
14:52Look, if we're telling him that seed oil is not being good for you...
14:55What do you mean?
14:56You told me to shotgun it.
14:57I didn't.
14:57Andy's in trouble.
14:59I think he's gonna have a timeout.
15:02We're gonna blanch these.
15:03Make sure that we're not overflowing.
15:07And we're frying at a smaller temperature.
15:12And so now we're getting one step closer to our thrice cooked...
15:17Sorry.
15:23You don't have to be sorry.
15:25I just...
15:26It'd be nice if we had the same vision sometimes.
15:30I just go in waves of feeling like diarrhea and piss.
15:33I actually love diarrhea.
15:35I love it too.
15:36You have to have a loose stool at least three times a day for it to be considered diarrhea.
15:41Okay.
15:41Do you usually go only once or twice in the morning?
15:44It depends.
15:45I wish I went more though.
15:46I feel I don't go enough.
15:47Oh, here we go.
15:48This is what I'm looking for.
15:50I actually want to be a constipation therapist.
15:53That'd be good.
15:53I think there's a lot of people that you could help.
15:55100%.
15:56I want to make a poo spa.
15:57Yeah.
15:58Where people go and they check in.
15:59What?
16:00Yeah.
16:01That's a great idea.
16:02I know.
16:02If they need a fecal transplant, we provide that.
16:04A fecal?
16:05Fecal.
16:06Fecal transplant?
16:07You put shit inside.
16:08Just a little bit of shit inside your bum.
16:10And that does what?
16:11And then they can't leave.
16:13They have to like...
16:14They can't leave.
16:14I like this place.
16:15I just want to kind of get an enema kit and like blow chunks.
16:19I have one.
16:19You have one?
16:20You enema?
16:21You flush.
16:22You flush hard?
16:23I cut a little...
16:24I love it.
16:25What about a duck fat enema?
16:27Sure.
16:27I'll take it.
16:28This is what I want.
16:29This is perfect.
16:30Look at those.
16:31Aren't you enticed?
16:34Okay.
16:35Into the oven.
16:36Into the freezer.
16:37Into the freezer.
16:38We're going to cool these down.
16:40Some noises are good.
16:41Some noises aren't good.
16:43That's true.
16:43Can I go pee?
16:45Yeah, let's do it.
16:45I gotta pee.
16:47Don't drop your mic in the toilet.
16:49Shut up.
16:51So ducks are insulated.
16:53Like that's why they don't...
16:56That's why they don't get cold in...
16:58Did you see like the fat cap on it?
17:01Yeah.
17:01That's everywhere.
17:07You may have noticed that I didn't wash my hands.
17:10The secret to a good immune system is never washing your hands and let the bacterias endorse yourself.
17:19I gotta go to my room and charge us better.
17:22Oh, cool.
17:22Big day.
17:24I have a long way to go.
17:25We're almost done.
17:27We're never done.
17:30We are never done.
17:32You want a little bit of flour.
17:35All purpose is fine.
17:36And we're just going to add some salt.
17:39And we're going to mix that up.
17:41We have like...
17:42I guess I'll just use whatever I have.
17:44You want spoons?
17:45Is that like what you're saying?
17:46I don't know.
17:46Like measuring tool?
17:47Like what's the recipe?
17:49I thought you had one.
17:50Two of those.
17:51Some of that.
17:52Do you want a cup?
17:53Oh, no.
17:53How much did you put in?
17:54I don't know.
17:55You'll fucking figure it out, won't you?
17:57Later.
17:58Well, I'm going to use the recipe.
17:59Salt.
18:00And then we're just going to add some beer.
18:03Okay, we're ready for fish.
18:04Can I get the fish?
18:05Yeah.
18:05It's over here.
18:05Don't worry.
18:06Okay, copy.
18:07I got it.
18:07Michelle's busy.
18:08The moment you have to move or do one thing, you're like all pissed.
18:12I'm going to get three pieces out of this.
18:15We got our fishy little fishy.
18:22Okay, here we go.
18:24What am I looking for?
18:27This is the recipe.
18:29This is the exact recipe.
18:31You think I cook from recipes?
18:33I decide?
18:35You think I decide on the recipes?
18:36It's the best I have.
18:36You think I actually create recipes?
18:39Okay, this wasn't here yet.
18:41Also, I never seasoned the fish like that, but you know.
18:44How'd you season it?
18:45He didn't.
18:45He seasoned the flour.
18:46Seasoned the flour.
18:48Into the batter.
18:52We dredged it in a little bit of flour,
18:54and now we got some batter, and then here we go.
18:57We're just going to like let the tail kind of float.
18:59Ha, na, na, na, na, na.
19:02Yeah, sing another, sing a song.
19:04I don't like to do it when people ask.
19:06Okay.
19:08Use the spider.
19:13Use it.
19:15Look, a full, beautiful, crunchy shell,
19:18and then we're going to hit it with just some regular salt,
19:20and then here's my little secret,
19:22a little vinegar powder.
19:23Did something happen at the gas station?
19:30What do you mean?
19:31Maybe I'm too late.
19:39Don't you...
19:40No, but honestly, dead, dead serious.
19:42The police are calling, yeah.
19:43We didn't shoot anything there.
19:45Cool.
19:45I just blunded.
19:46Okay.
19:47And they were fine with the cameras.
19:48Like, they didn't say anything.
19:50They didn't say, like, don't film or anything.
19:51They said, please do not film in here,
19:53and we said, okay,
19:55and then Tort filmed anyway.
19:57How you doing?
19:57I'm just calling back this number.
20:00We might.
20:01We got a lot of subplots in this one.
20:03Did you make a report with him?
20:04No.
20:05He just called this number.
20:07Okay, and now the final stage
20:09of our thrice-cooked chops.
20:11An incident.
20:12He was talking about an incident
20:13that happened with another RV vehicle.
20:15Coleslaw tastes best in these paper cups.
20:17I like to double them up
20:18because they always get a little soggy.
20:20Look at that.
20:21It's like a little ice cream.
20:22Listen, those timelines, I'm fine with it.
20:26Excuse me.
20:28Next cop that calls, just shoot your phone.
20:31Yes.
20:32So it's been a wild goose chase.
20:37Look at this butterfly.
20:39What are you doing?
20:41Whoa.
20:42Honestly, like, you can see why.
20:44I'm not, like, thank you so much.
20:50That's literally the best lemonade
20:52I've ever had in my life.
20:53You know what I hate
20:54what people do with lemonade?
20:55Put mint in it.
20:56Dude, you're my fucking,
20:57you're my queen.
20:58You're my fucking queen.
21:01Those aren't done yet.
21:02I can see that.
21:04Can you believe we have to still do it
21:05by second?
21:09Jet fuel has brought me
21:10to the sunken place.
21:11I'm just, like, down here.
21:14You look sad.
21:19Sound crispy.
21:21Sound, are you getting that?
21:22Oh, yeah.
21:22Real crispy.
21:23Would you go to Michelle's
21:25constipation spa?
21:27I would.
21:28I'd let her flush me out.
21:35Oh, weird.
21:35I'm in a newspaper.
21:37I never saw someone's eyes light up
21:39when I started talking about enemas.
21:40And she obviously loves doing them.
21:44These are crispy.
21:46Yeah, they're crispy.
21:47If there's any people that do colonic,
21:49like, have clinics for colonics
21:51and want me to go,
21:52I would love that.
21:53I would love to get a colonic
21:55from, like, a fan.
21:57Yeah.
21:58Break it with those teeth.
21:59Yeah, there you go.
22:01Break it.
22:02A couple of chops.
22:07Just a couple.
22:08Can I give them more gummy bears?
22:12Can we get more gummy bears?
22:12Yeah.
22:17That is kind of him.
22:19I'm not going to lie.
22:21I didn't enjoy it.
22:23I wasn't proud of it.
22:24I've done lots of drugs
22:31in my life.
22:33I haven't done drugs
22:35or alcohol
22:36in over 10 years.
22:39Andy?
22:41I got drugged
22:43by the stupid PA.
22:47I slipped.
22:48It's not Andy's fault.
22:49It's my fault.
22:50I shouldn't have done it.
22:52I was people-pleasing.
22:53And look where it got me.
22:54Down in the gutter.
22:56Not performing
22:57to my best ability.
22:59Maybe being rude
23:00to some people
23:01when I didn't want to be.
23:02Acting out.
23:04And, uh...
23:06Like, you know,
23:07he'll talk all day
23:08about, like,
23:09you know,
23:09beautiful things
23:10and nice times
23:11and happy moments
23:13and then all of a sudden,
23:14like, he drinks a jet fuel
23:15and, I don't know,
23:17you see the real spectrum
23:19of a human.
23:22I hand them to Michelle.
23:24Imagine if we could, like,
23:25have Michelles everywhere.
23:27I think people have
23:28thought about that
23:28on the internet.
23:29I wish I had a Michelle
23:30that was, like,
23:3130% better.
23:32The thing is,
23:33is that every day
23:34I wake up
23:34and I give myself
23:35a mirror talk.
23:36I point and I'm like...
23:37You point?
23:38Yeah, I'm like...
23:39A bit much?
23:40Yeah.
23:40I grab my...
23:41the collar of my shirt.
23:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:43I like that.
23:43I'm like,
23:43get it fucking right today.
23:45Yes.
23:46And still,
23:47this.
23:49This thing.
23:51Just this.
23:52This is you
23:53and your career
23:54is this.
23:55This is me.
24:25Yeah, let's figure it out.
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