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00:00What the hell is going on?
00:30Turn on the telly, check out the news, and thank the Lord you're not doing dry January.
00:42It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for the last leg.
00:47Tonight on the show, the Prime Minister cozies up the China.
00:51Donald Trump messes up America.
00:53And we follow up on an Ashes bet.
00:56Plus, we'll be joined by comedians Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis on the show that wraps up the news of the week.
01:19Wow.
01:19Hi, everyone.
01:21G'day, Madam Hills.
01:22Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that heard there's an Oscar-nominated film called If I Had Legs, I Would Kick You, and rapidly retitled its autobiography.
01:30With me, as always, are the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe, and the man who's excited because it's only 329 sleeps until Christmas, Alex Brooker.
01:38Loads of news to get through, loads has happened since we were last on air, but before we do that, we thought we'd bring you up to speed on what we did during our break.
01:53Yep.
01:54Alex's adventures can only be described as on brand.
01:57Yeah, well, I went to Vegas to go and watch the Backstreet Boys at the Sphere.
02:06It's like someone.
02:07But look at my, like, my best...
02:11And you got there and then you stepped on a plug.
02:13My best moment of 2026 came on January 2nd.
02:18I lost, I genuinely, absolutely lost my mind.
02:23So much, I didn't know that, like, obviously I was getting far, far too carried away.
02:28Well, I thought it would be funny to film me when, um, I Want It That Way came on.
02:34Just have a look at this.
02:36Alex, you're acting like you're going, I can't believe they're playing their most famous song!
02:51No way!
02:53They're playing the one song everyone's heard of!
02:55I was so excited!
02:58But honestly, next pip assessment I have, the way they're going to see how quick I'll get out of a chair, they're going to play...
03:02LAUGHTER
03:03Your next pip assessment's basically going to be this.
03:07I want it that way...
03:11But I, um, I did, generally, I was, like, losing my mind for a couple of hours.
03:16And when we got back, I was kind of like, I was really, like, missed it and I was kind of watching back through the video.
03:21You missed it?
03:21I was watching back through the videos, generally one of the best nights of my life.
03:25Watching back through the video...
03:26And then you thought I should say hello to my children again.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:29And I looked at, um, a video from right then.
03:33They do Backstreet's back.
03:34Yeah.
03:35And I didn't know that this was the noise I was making as the show closed until I saw this video.
03:41LAUGHTER
03:43LAUGHTER
03:47LAUGHTER
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51LAUGHTER
03:51LAUGHTER
03:53LAUGHTER
03:55All I can say is it's a good job I was wearing all white.
03:58LAUGHTER
03:59LAUGHTER
04:00LAUGHTER
04:01LAUGHTER
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04You sad old bastard.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:07I text him on the day, I had these, they gave us, like, bucket hats, these Backstreet Boys bucket hats.
04:12And I text him on the day that we were there, a photo of me in the pub wearing a bucket hat, holding the pint.
04:17And I said, this is my oasis.
04:20LAUGHTER
04:21LAUGHTER
04:22LAUGHTER
04:23No reply.
04:24OK, so you went to Vegas to watch Backstreet Boys.
04:27Yeah.
04:28I was in Australia having a summer of tennis.
04:30LAUGHTER
04:31I've got bad news for Hillsy.
04:32Yeah.
04:33It's been winter.
04:34LAUGHTER
04:35It wasn't summer.
04:36But in Australia it was summer.
04:38Oh, fuck off.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40Er, I mean, it started with me playing in a charity tennis event in Melbourne.
04:44Oh.
04:45Er, last Saturday, I think it was, where I got drilled by John McEnroe.
04:48What?
04:49See, you did recognise that noise I made.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:52Does your wife know you've been drilled by John McEnroe?
04:55LAUGHTER
04:56You cannot be serious.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:58That ball was in!
05:00LAUGHTER
05:01Sorry.
05:02Sorry.
05:03Sorry.
05:05Sorry.
05:06Bit of fun.
05:09He's one of our great tennis players.
05:12No, no, sorry.
05:13What I meant was, I was at the net and he hit a ball at me really fast.
05:16But I also played in something called the One Point Slam at the Australian Open.
05:19Oh, yeah.
05:20So it was a tournament where, like, amateurs and pros play in this tournament,
05:23you only play one point.
05:25If you win that point, you go through to the next round.
05:27The winner of the whole thing took home a million dollars.
05:29Oof.
05:30I was drawn against a guy ranked 208 in the world.
05:33Oh.
05:34This guy was good.
05:35Er, we did rock, paper, scissors, he won and he went,
05:38I'm not going to serve, because you only get one serve.
05:41So I served.
05:42This is what happened.
05:44I think that's pretty cool.
05:47You know what I'm happy about?
05:48That I made a set, sir.
05:49Adam Nielsen, sir?
05:50Yeah.
05:51Yeah.
05:52Play it.
05:53At least I played it.
05:56Football.
05:57Oh!
05:58Oh!
06:04Oh, it's perfect!
06:06It's perfect!
06:07Thank you, God, for the greatest moment in tennis history.
06:10It's almost like if a photo of you popped up on catchphrase.
06:15I mean, I'm assuming it was the umpire.
06:17It might have been someone yelling a diagnosis.
06:20He didn't have to yell it before you started playing as well, though.
06:23That was when it was too much.
06:25And look, if Alex and I were on brand,
06:27Josh was absolutely Team Whittacombe.
06:29So, yeah, big news.
06:30We have welcomed to our family twins.
06:32Mm-hmm.
06:33Very excited, yes.
06:34Yeah.
06:35Would you like to see them?
06:36Here they are.
06:37That is Fluffball on the top and Tilly on the bottom.
06:48They were named by my son and daughter.
06:50My son is four and I wasn't in favour of Fluffball,
06:53but we've gone with it.
06:54And they have broken the internet.
06:57I put them on Instagram and they got 57,000 likes,
07:00which, to put it in perspective, is 56,000 more than most of my posts.
07:05The thing is that it's about time because you've always regretted
07:09that time you didn't put that video up of your sneezing panda,
07:11haven't you?
07:12But you, this is what I was like, you appeared on,
07:16and I want to pick a bone with you,
07:18you appeared on David Baddiel's Channel 4 show.
07:21Cat Man.
07:22Cat Man.
07:23And made this frank admission.
07:26This is an interesting thing with our cats.
07:29She's more interested in our water than her own.
07:34Sue me, I have a pint of water of an evening when I watch TV.
07:37A pint of water, lovely.
07:39She will drink from that.
07:40This is something that other people find problematic.
07:43I can't be bothered to then change the water.
07:45So you just carry on drinking from it?
07:47Well, you know what people are mainly thinking, don't you?
07:50Let's just say it.
07:51People are mainly thinking that cat has licked its arsehole.
07:54It's probably got flecks of poo on its tongue.
07:57Now, the people up here were horrified.
08:01Even you with the beard? Fuck off!
08:09In fairness...
08:10He's got sharing spaghetti with a cat all over him.
08:13You do use the cat's litter tray so it evens out, doesn't it?
08:17No, look, say a cat had a little bit of my water, they're part of our family.
08:24Admittedly, if it shat in my cereal, I wouldn't have it.
08:28That's why I've gone from Coco Pops to Rice Krispies.
08:31We're going to ask this as a poll, and we're putting this up on Instagram right now.
08:38Is that disgusting?
08:39No, no, that's not how you conduct a poll.
08:41That is a leading question.
08:43No, but...
08:45Is this disgusting? That is not the poll!
08:47Anyway, I hope that...
08:49The election doesn't go, is Keir Starmer a twat?
08:53I just really hope our admin puts that caption up over the right photo,
08:57because if it's not one from us at the Paralympics...
09:01So answer that, is it disgusting?
09:04Oh, no.
09:05We can also...
09:06You can also send us any questions you want to ask us about the news.
09:09Message us on Instagram, the hashtags, is it okay?
09:11WhatsApp, the number's 07956175908.
09:15Or you can scan the QR code on your screen.
09:18Let's get straight into the news, though.
09:20Lou said, is it okay that Keir has gone to China?
09:22How many secrets does he want to give away?
09:24So, Keir Starmer landed in Beijing this week
09:27in an attempt to strengthen ties with China.
09:29Although, it is possible he might have misunderstood the brief
09:31to win back the red wall.
09:36Okay.
09:37Er...
09:39It's a real gear change from, like, the cat-arse water.
09:47But I'm on board with all of it.
09:49Yeah.
09:50Normally, you wouldn't meet with the head of a strict regime
09:53who clamps down on any challenges to their leadership,
09:55but the Chinese president said he'd make an exception.
09:57Oh, there we go.
09:59You groaned before I'd finished.
10:02It's my kind of humour.
10:04Um, Keir Starmer said the trip is necessary to forge trade relations
10:07with the world's second-largest economy,
10:09which is an indication of just how fucked things are
10:11with America right now.
10:13It's kind of like when you're in a pub but your 5G isn't working,
10:15so you have to log into the pub's Wi-Fi.
10:17You're like, yes, you're going to have my data,
10:19yes, I'm probably going to get hacked,
10:21but I've really got to do Wordle.
10:23I always think with this thing, like, going over there
10:26to do a trade deal with China...
10:28Yeah.
10:29..must be, like, so difficult, because China make everything.
10:32Yeah.
10:33No, they make cars, electronics, clothes,
10:35and, like, Keir Starmer's over there in exchange for this,
10:37trying to go, yeah, I can do you a deal on Carlin.
10:42Have you ever heard of a sausage and bean melt?
10:47It's actually not far off, because they got...
10:49..they reduced tariffs on whisky, that's what they did.
10:52That's all we've got.
10:53And, look, if there was any doubt
10:54as to whether sucking up the China is a good idea,
10:56last night Donald Trump said he thought it was a bad idea.
10:59In fact, he said the UK having closer ties with China
11:02would be, quote, very dangerous.
11:04Sorry, Donald, but if you weren't such a liability,
11:07we wouldn't have to do this in the first place.
11:09It's like Greg Wallace criticising the BBC
11:11for bringing in a new judge on MasterChef.
11:16Apparently, Keir Starmer took Xi Jinping,
11:17a Premier League football that was used in the match
11:19between Arsenal and Manchester United,
11:21and Manchester United last weekend,
11:22because Xi is a fan of Man United,
11:24and they beat Arsenal in that game.
11:26Yeah, all right, let's move on.
11:28It's a very difficult thing to pack, isn't it, football?
11:32Very difficult.
11:34I'm imagining David...
11:36David, um...
11:37He's not called David...
11:38I almost said David Cameron.
11:39What's he called?
11:40Keir Starmer?
11:41I'm having a breakdown.
11:43Move on, Adam.
11:44I seem to have gone back ten years in my life.
11:46Like, you've just admitted sharing water with your cat,
11:48and you wonder what...
11:49LAUGHTER
11:53Oh, my God, what year is it?
11:55What?
11:56And why can I taste a cat anus in my mouth?
12:01The thing is that we don't know,
12:02what did Xi Jinping get Keir Starmer?
12:05Because I've got a little inkling
12:07it'll be just the sort of thing
12:08he's been talking about recently.
12:10Keir Starmer would be there going,
12:11how did you know?
12:12I was literally only saying to my wife the other day
12:14in the kitchen that I wanted a soda stream,
12:16and all of a sudden, there he is!
12:17It's just like, you just know!
12:20Keir Starmer's visit comes at a tricky time
12:22because China's been accused of spying on British diplomats.
12:25The Prime Minister said he wasn't worried
12:26about claims of Chinese spying,
12:28to which the Chinese replied,
12:29yes, you're right, we would never spy on you.
12:31Starmer then said,
12:32sorry, China, are you listening into this phone call?
12:35And China said,
12:36sorry, we picked up the other extension.
12:38And look, we might joke about this,
12:39but Starmer and his team took burner phones and laptops
12:42so that they won't be spied upon,
12:44which is kind of appropriate because right now
12:46most of Britain currently see Keir Starmer
12:48as a burner Prime Minister.
12:50I mean, he's only going to be in use for a little while,
12:52there's nothing interesting on him,
12:53and we'll probably get a new one soon.
12:55The thing is,
12:56we assume that they've taken the burner phones
12:59because they're worried about spying,
13:01but you are discounting the other option.
13:04What's that?
13:05They're out there to sell drugs.
13:06LAUGHTER
13:08Starmer's gone, look, we need a cash influx.
13:10Yep, yep.
13:11You know, I'll start dealing,
13:13you know, I could be called Great Gear Keir.
13:15People...
13:16LAUGHTER
13:18LAUGHTER
13:20There's loads of people in China,
13:23let's get...
13:24He's the last person you suspect, isn't he?
13:26They're not checking his suitcase.
13:29LAUGHTER
13:30There was a Guardian article...
13:31What's that in the football?
13:33LAUGHTER
13:35LAUGHTER
13:36There was a Guardian article this week
13:37that said when Theresa May visited China,
13:39she was advised to get dressed under a duvet
13:42to avoid being photographed naked by spy cameras.
13:45I know, and look, I don't want to cast aspersions,
13:48but I kind of feel like Theresa May
13:50gets dressed under a duvet anyway.
13:52LAUGHTER
13:53We've all seen how she dances.
13:55This is not an uninhibited woman.
13:57LAUGHTER
13:58So is she also having to have a shower under a duvet as well?
14:02LAUGHTER
14:04LAUGHTER
14:05Yeah.
14:06Oh, sorry, sorry...
14:08Sorry, Philip, I'm just going to go for a shit.
14:09Can I have the duvet to put over my...
14:12LAUGHTER
14:13I'd say footage of Theresa May struggling to get changed
14:16under a duvet would be incriminating enough.
14:19LAUGHTER
14:20It looks like they've run out of ideas on Taskmaster.
14:23LAUGHTER
14:26Apparently stuff like this happens all the time.
14:28Like, when Michael Gove went to China,
14:30he said he was told to suspect anyone from the opposite sex
14:33who approached him and was out of his league.
14:36LAUGHTER
14:38I know, which narrows it down to anyone from the opposite sex.
14:43LAUGHTER
14:44I mean, no offence to Michael Gove,
14:45but if you're a woman in China,
14:46the one thing you don't want to hear from him is,
14:48oh, now you I can trust.
14:50LAUGHTER
14:51This implies that every time Michael Gove goes abroad otherwise,
14:54there's just beautiful women coming up to him,
14:56and that's a day in the life of Michael Gove.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:00It's just like if the Danish embassies are rocking,
15:02don't come a-knocking.
15:03LAUGHTER
15:04All this comes as the Prime Minister approved plans
15:06for a Chinese mega-embassy in London,
15:08which has rooms that are suspiciously redacted from the plans.
15:11Now, look at that.
15:12See that room in red there?
15:13That's...
15:14The Chinese aren't even telling us what that room is for.
15:17Do you know what's so suspicious?
15:18They've even labelled it secret room.
15:21LAUGHTER
15:23If they're calling it that, I'm going to say it,
15:25I don't think they're good spies.
15:26LAUGHTER
15:27It looks like the shittest Cluedo board of all time.
15:30LAUGHTER
15:31So it's right next to underground communication cables
15:33that carry sensitive financial information across London.
15:36But we're all right,
15:37cos we're going to put a duvet over the cable.
15:39LAUGHTER
15:41And look, to be fair to China,
15:42it is better than the plan they originally submitted.
15:44LAUGHTER
15:46LAUGHTER
15:48Now, the interesting thing is this trip to China
15:51also helps to make Keir Starmer look prime ministerial
15:53at a time when his authority is kind of under question a bit.
15:56Rosie said,
15:57is it OK that Labor have blocked Andy Burnham
15:59from running for MP's election?
16:01So, there have been rumours for a few months now
16:03that Manchester Mayor Andy Burnham
16:05was going to challenge the Prime Minister
16:06for leadership of the Labor Party.
16:08But how? How can you do that when you're not an MP?
16:10Well, earlier this month,
16:12the MP for the Manchester constituency of Gorton and Denton
16:15suddenly resigned,
16:17and Andy Burnham applied to run in the by-election.
16:19But then Labor blocked him
16:21cos they said it would cost too much money
16:23to run a by-election to replace him as mayor.
16:26Which sounds a little bit like...
16:28Bullshit.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30Both politicians deny there's any beef,
16:32but right now,
16:33the only way things could be frostier between them
16:35is if Burnham accused Starmer
16:36of inappropriately dancing on him at his wedding.
16:39LAUGHTER
16:40LAUGHTER
16:43Let's be honest, it's all an image we're thinking of now.
16:46LAUGHTER
16:47All eyes are now on...
16:48Get a duvet over them, I can't look!
16:50LAUGHTER
16:51All eyes are now on the upcoming Gorton and Denton by-election,
16:53which is being seen as a huge test of Keir Starmer's leadership.
16:56Reform announced this week their candidate
16:58would be former GB news presenter Matt Goodwin,
17:01a man who once ate his own book on air
17:03after losing a bet about Jeremy Corbyn's polling.
17:06Here is the outrageous moment from 2017.
17:09I am a man of my word,
17:11so what I'm going to do is just sit here
17:13and eat my book while you guys carry on.
17:15LAUGHTER
17:16LAUGHTER
17:17LAUGHTER
17:18LAUGHTER
17:19LAUGHTER
17:20LAUGHTER
17:22LAUGHTER
17:24LAUGHTER
17:26LAUGHTER
17:28But he takes it... takes it out!
17:30He didn't eat it!
17:31He didn't eat it!
17:32That's not fulfilling a bet!
17:33Unless your bum is spitting out paper like a defective printer,
17:36you are not a man of your word!
17:38LAUGHTER
17:39In fairness, if he had have eaten a book...
17:40Yeah.
17:41..would he have wiped his arse on the way out?
17:43LAUGHTER
17:44LAUGHTER
17:45LAUGHTER
17:46LAUGHTER
17:48Look, it won't surprise you to know
17:50Matt Goodwin is anti-immigration, anti-establishment
17:52and anti-woke, but he looks good on television.
17:55You know what I mean?
17:56He's like Lee Anderson if he'd been queer-eyed.
17:58LAUGHTER
17:59Now, the Gorton and Denton by-election,
18:00this is... I think it's February 26th it's going to take place.
18:03Oh, I've got it in my diary, I'll tell you that for free.
18:05LAUGHTER
18:08I think it's going to be a big one.
18:09Like, I think this is going to be properly fascinating
18:11to see which way it goes.
18:13And I think we need to come up with a good name for it.
18:15Yeah.
18:16So our poll tonight is...
18:17Do you think the Gorton and Denton by-election is exciting enough?
18:19LAUGHTER
18:21No!
18:22Our poll is this, what should we call it?
18:24What should we call the Gorton and Denton by-election?
18:26I don't know, you've heard of Rumble in the Jungle,
18:28maybe the hullabaloo on the M62?
18:30How about the fuckfest in the North West?
18:33LAUGHTER
18:34Wow!
18:35LAUGHTER
18:36I meant it as a mess-up, not as in...
18:40Not as in, like, Michael Gove on a diplomatic...
18:42LAUGHTER
18:43I'm going to say, I could have sworn I've got a VPN to watch that.
18:46LAUGHTER
18:47Let's not go with my suggestion.
18:49It wasn't taken as I'd intended it.
18:52LAUGHTER
18:53Oh, come on!
18:54Send us your suggestions on WhatsApp or Instagram,
18:56we'll pick one at the end of the show.
18:58Use the hashtag unwanted election.
19:00All parties will be announcing their candidates in due course.
19:03Labour, though, are announcing theirs tomorrow,
19:05and there have been rumours that former Manchester United star
19:09and now pundit Gary Neville could be the Labour candidate.
19:13Ooh!
19:14I know, and considering Xi Jinping as a Man United fan,
19:16that might not be a bad idea.
19:18LAUGHTER
19:19I think footballers going into politics,
19:22I think that's the way forward.
19:23Imagine Roy Keane in power, and there was like a doctor's strike,
19:28and it's like, you know, we're saving lives, we need more money.
19:30He's like, but that's your job!
19:32LAUGHTER
19:34I just love the idea of him trying to combine it with Skye,
19:37and he's like, well, I can't go to the UN
19:39cos I'm at Sunderland v Fulham.
19:40LAUGHTER
19:42It's... Oh, it's so exciting.
19:44It's got to be him, hasn't it?
19:45Has it?
19:46Well, look, we think it's pretty unlikely
19:48that Gary Neville's going to be a candidate
19:49for the Gordon and Denton by-election,
19:51but, just in case, we've taken the liberty
19:53of making a campaign ad for him.
19:55LAUGHTER
19:56And here it is.
19:57When Labour is anything but united,
20:00you need a man who's united through and through.
20:04He's hard-working, tactically aware,
20:07and he knows how to win.
20:09Introducing your candidate for Gorton and Denton, Gary Neville.
20:14He spent a career putting a cross in a box.
20:18Now he wants your cross in his box.
20:21LAUGHTER
20:22He's the perfect Labour candidate
20:24cos he had loads of success in the 90s,
20:26but sod all since.
20:28And like Labour now,
20:30he's used to being stuck behind the right wing.
20:33He's the people's mayor,
20:35who played for Man United,
20:37so it won't be the first time
20:39he'll be representing the Reds.
20:41And if you want someone who can handle PMQs,
20:44you need a person who can face
20:46a properly abusive atmosphere.
20:48He'll make a good Labour candidate
20:51cos he's used to being called a...
20:53And like Keir Starmer,
20:55he's spent his whole career
20:57sucking up to a tyrannical dictator.
21:00This February, vote for Gary Neville.
21:03Cos maybe what the country needs
21:05is a leader called Gary.
21:07APPLAUSE
21:10All right, let's welcome tonight's guests.
21:15She hosts Bake Off The Professionals
21:17and he appeared in Wonka,
21:19so they both know their way around a chocolate flute.
21:21Please welcome Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
21:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:41How are you both?
21:42What did you get up to over your break?
21:44I went to Australia over Christmas actually, Adam.
21:47Did you?
21:48And I've got some concerns for your nation.
21:50OK.
21:51Because, and there's a lot going on in the world,
21:52but we need to be addressing the real issues,
21:54which is the rise of the mullet.
21:57Because it's out of control.
21:58I know it's a big thing for you culturally.
22:00Yeah.
22:01But it's escalating.
22:02There are now all these things the guys are doing.
22:04They shave the front.
22:05Don't look at me.
22:06I've got...
22:07I haven't got a horse in this race.
22:09I mean, I could grow out of back, to be fair though.
22:12Well, this is it, Tom, you can do it.
22:13So they shave the front long at the back.
22:15It's called a skullet.
22:16Really?
22:17A skull...
22:18What is it?
22:19See, actually, I...
22:20Yeah.
22:21What is it?
22:22And you see it on toddlers.
22:23Like, that a parent...
22:24That is awful.
22:25...has done that, has gone to that, like,
22:26how can I make this cuter?
22:27I want to see more of his cranium and less of his neck, thank you.
22:30LAUGHTER
22:31It's...
22:32I mean, the mullet was traditionally, like,
22:33business in the front, party in the back, but that's...
22:35Yeah, that's...
22:36That's National Front Party.
22:38LAUGHTER
22:43Thank you, thank you.
22:44Tom, what did you get up to?
22:45Well, I'm thinking about getting a skullet.
22:47LAUGHTER
22:48I had a...
22:49I had a tumble, actually.
22:50I realised I was getting old.
22:51I had a tumble down the stairs the other day.
22:53Ooh.
22:54Yeah, and my wife...
22:55It's given my wife the biggest ick ever.
22:57LAUGHTER
22:58My wife describes...
22:59She's doing one of her voice notes that she does,
23:01that lasts about...
23:02They're, like, essentially a podcast.
23:03They go on for about 40 minutes.
23:04LAUGHTER
23:05And she...
23:06And I walked into the room and she said,
23:08Tom's just come in the room.
23:09He had a fall this morning.
23:11He had a fall.
23:13I was, like...
23:14Like, genuinely, like, oh, he's about 60 now.
23:17He's, like...
23:18Like, we're going to get, like, one of those little showers
23:19in the bar, like, a little seat in the bar.
23:21Aren't you getting a little tartan trolley to put in shopping?
23:24LAUGHTER
23:25Well, I think, genuinely, she's...
23:27Yeah, it's a very sad state of affairs.
23:28Yeah.
23:29I'm worried that she thinks, yeah, like, I'm an old...
23:30You need to start putting a handkerchief up your sleeve.
23:32LAUGHTER
23:33With my old grey skullet.
23:36LAUGHTER
23:37And, Ellie, we talked about Alex and Backstreet Boys,
23:41but you are aware of his love of boy bands.
23:43I am, actually.
23:44Oh, shit.
23:45Because Alex and I, we spent a week in Indonesia last year
23:48for work purposes before the rumour mill starts.
23:51LAUGHTER
23:52And we drove a lot, didn't we?
23:53We were in a car for about eight hours a day.
23:54Yeah.
23:55I would say seven out of those eight hours a day
23:57were probably spent with Alex telling me about Justin Timberlake.
23:59LAUGHTER
24:00The other hour was you shouting at mopeds.
24:03LAUGHTER
24:05So I learned a lot.
24:07It's a real mixed bag.
24:09LAUGHTER
24:10Now, look, normally we'd end this part of the show
24:12on something upbeat, but...
24:14Alex received some sad news this week.
24:16Yeah, I mean, this really, this...
24:18Not me for six, this one.
24:19Yeah.
24:20It was announced this week that, um,
24:22the chain of Vodka Revolution bars,
24:25they've gone into administration, um...
24:28They, they are no more.
24:30Mm-hm.
24:31They're, they're done.
24:32And I just feel like the memories that I've made
24:34and then lost...
24:35LAUGHTER
24:36..in those places.
24:37And it was like, you know, it's like, you know...
24:39I mean, first, first they came for Tiger Tiger
24:42and I did not speak out.
24:43LAUGHTER
24:44Then they come for Oceana and I did not speak out.
24:47But this is...
24:48The country's gone.
24:49Come on, you...
24:50I've got some of my happiest
24:52and some of my saddest memories, actually.
24:54I remember, uh, an awful time of...
24:56You, you just have just enough Bacardi Breeze or whatever.
24:59I remember seeing this girl that I'd fancied for ages
25:01in a, uh, Vodka Revolutions.
25:03And she was dancing with some friends
25:05and I went up to sort of...
25:06I was like, I've had enough drink now,
25:07I'm going to go and sort of try and chat her up.
25:09So I walked over and did my usual gambit
25:11and went, uh, oi!
25:12Oi!
25:13And she just looked...
25:14LAUGHTER
25:15And I said, do you want to dance?
25:16And her and her friends were sort of
25:17dancing around these handbags.
25:18And, uh...
25:19God, you are old, aren't you?
25:21LAUGHTER
25:26And she said, me and my friends are just going to go to the toilet,
25:28all right, to watch your handbags.
25:29And I went, yeah, cool, cool.
25:31Um, and they were gone for, like, six songs.
25:33Uh, I thought, oh, she hated me that much.
25:35She's actually just left the bags.
25:37And I looked round at the bar
25:38and then they were all sitting together with these other lads.
25:40LAUGHTER
25:41And, uh, I thought, oh, well, I've been given a job,
25:44I should see it through.
25:45So I went over to the...
25:47..to the girls with these lads at the bar and went, uh,
25:50excuse me, ladies, did you forget your bags?
25:53LAUGHTER
25:54And this bloke turned round and he went,
25:55what are you, a fucking cloakroom?
25:57LAUGHTER
25:59And, uh, yeah, for the next ten years,
26:01every time I saw him in Vulcan Revolutions,
26:03he'd go, oi, cloakroom, hold this.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:06And I just had to walk round with a random guy's jacket
26:08for the rest of the evening.
26:09So, yeah, happy memories.
26:11LAUGHTER
26:12And that's what we've now lost.
26:13Yeah.
26:14I don't entirely understand the cultural significance
26:16of all of this, but I do know Alex wasn't this upset
26:19when the Queen died.
26:21LAUGHTER
26:23You know what I mean?
26:24I'm half expecting David Beckham to queue up for hours
26:26outside of Vodka Revolution.
26:28LAUGHTER
26:29Well, Paddington leads a shot of raspberry vodka
26:30into the sunset.
26:32LAUGHTER
26:33But, Alex, I believe you want to mark this moment
26:35with something special, right?
26:37Yeah, I think it's only fitting to say goodbye
26:39to Vodka Revolution.
26:41LAUGHTER
26:42Wow.
26:43With a five-shot salute, Tommy,
26:44I don't know if you'd mind doing the honours, please.
26:47Oh, wow, of course, of course.
26:49I know you're getting to that age now
26:51where this is the sort of thing you'll take up, so...
26:53LAUGHTER
26:55LAUGHTER
26:57LAUGHTER
26:58If you please, this is...
27:01It's a Vodka Revolution.
27:03Yeah? Oh, yeah.
27:05...
27:20LAUGHTER
27:22LAUGHTER
27:24MUSIC CONTINUES
27:49At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
27:52we probably won't remember them.
27:55We'll have more last things for you after the break
27:57as Trump blows up America and Melania bombs at the box office.
28:00Plus, we want to know what should we call
28:01the upcoming Gorton and Denton by-election.
28:03Message us on WhatsApp or Instagram.
28:05Use the hashtag Unwanted Election.
28:07We'll see you in a little bit.
28:22APPLAUSE
28:23Welcome back to Last Leg.
28:24We're joined by Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
28:27Just want to give a quick shout-out
28:28to anyone feeling the loss of Catherine O'Hara tonight,
28:31the amazing comedy legend.
28:32We're here to tell you, you are not alone.
28:34Let's look overseas at the news now.
28:36Batty Natty said,
28:37is it OK that we're watching America implode?
28:40I mean, where do we start?
28:42Since we were last on air,
28:43Donald Trump and his administration
28:45kidnapped and deposed a world leader,
28:47guilt-tripped a Nobel Prize winner into giving him her medal,
28:50threatened to go to war with Iran,
28:52failed to rule out taking Greenland by force
28:54and lied about the deaths of two US citizens
28:56killed by ICE agents.
28:58Don't half go big in January.
29:01LAUGHTER
29:02You know, like a lot of us, like, you go,
29:04most of us have been waiting for this month to end,
29:06but waiting for the evenings to get lighter.
29:08We're just easing ourselves in.
29:10He's like, it's just another day, straight in,
29:12we'll kidnap a president,
29:13we'll fucking do Greenland, we'll have that.
29:15Yeah, it's like he gave up international law for New Year.
29:18LAUGHTER
29:20Try January, it'll kill you.
29:21You've got all that time in your hands,
29:23you're not going down the Wetherspoons,
29:24you've got to fill those evenings in.
29:26There's no revolution.
29:27LAUGHTER
29:29So let's start with Greenland.
29:30Donald Trump's been threatening to take control of Greenland
29:32for security reasons.
29:33Last month pledged tariffs against nations that opposed him.
29:37He laid it back down on both threats,
29:39but not before the Belgian Prime Minister described him
29:41as being, quote,
29:42like the very hungry caterpillar.
29:44LAUGHTER
29:45Which is the latest in a long line of Donald Trump children's books,
29:48including Spot the Dog Whistle, The Lying King
29:51and Melania and the Giant Peach.
29:53LAUGHTER
29:55Guys, it's mad, we're five weeks into the year
29:57and already Donald Trump has threatened to take Greenland by force.
29:59I mean, he virtually said when you're president
30:01you can just grab them by the peninsula.
30:03LAUGHTER
30:05Can I be honest? Yeah.
30:07About three months ago, I didn't even know if Greenland
30:10was a country in its own right.
30:12Mm-hm.
30:13I didn't know who owned Greenland.
30:15I thought maybe America already did.
30:18And now...
30:20I could...
30:21I think it's the most important thing in the world ever.
30:23LAUGHTER
30:24I don't know why I care so much about this,
30:26but I think now Greenland's the most important place on Earth.
30:28Yeah.
30:29Well, Trump later...
30:30It's so important that Donald Trump later
30:32kept referring to it as Iceland.
30:34LAUGHTER
30:35During his speech to world leaders.
30:37Here it is.
30:38Here's the startling footage of his bumbling inaccuracies.
30:41I'm helping NATO, and I've...
30:43Until the last few days, when I told them about Iceland,
30:46they loved me.
30:48They're not there for us on...
30:50Iceland, that I can tell you.
30:52I mean, our stock market took the first dip yesterday
30:54because of Iceland.
30:56So Iceland's already cost us a lot of money.
30:59LAUGHTER
31:00Is the American military going to take over a chain
31:03of budget supermarkets?
31:05LAUGHTER
31:06I mean, to be fair, Iceland is the only store
31:08that could be bombed by America
31:10and still look pretty much the same.
31:12LAUGHTER
31:13I always like possibly Vodka Revolution these days.
31:17LAUGHTER
31:18I forget this about Donald Trump,
31:20and every time I'm reminded of it, it really, like, hits me.
31:23He don't drink.
31:25LAUGHTER
31:27And you know, like, if some...
31:29If one of your mates put the stuff he said
31:31in a WhatsApp group, you'd be going to the other lad,
31:34he's been on it.
31:35LAUGHTER
31:36He's up at 3am, sending all these tweets,
31:39and he's just having a pack of crisps.
31:42LAUGHTER
31:44Can of Dr Pepper?
31:45LAUGHTER
31:47Hugging his teddy bear.
31:49Still in America, Ross said,
31:50Is it OK?
31:51Ice is totally out of control and terrifying to witness.
31:54We're assuming this is about America,
31:56unless Ross is an 80-year-old struggling with a new hip.
31:59Um...
32:00No offence, Tom.
32:01LAUGHTER
32:06Oh, stop!
32:07Oh!
32:08Ice is the name of Donald Trump's Immigrations
32:11and Customs Enforcement,
32:12and if you haven't been across this, look,
32:14it's their job to get undocumented migrants out of America.
32:16They're doing this by raiding houses, workplaces
32:18and stopping people on the street,
32:20and in some cases, taking them out of cars
32:22and then out of the country.
32:24Many Americans are protesting, some are trying to stop them.
32:27Two of those Americans have recently been shot
32:29and killed at point-blank range.
32:31And if you think all this sounds historically familiar,
32:33take a look at the way the head of Ice, Greg Bovino,
32:36was dressed when he arrived in Minneapolis this week.
32:39That's him in the middle.
32:40For a guy whose members are being compared to Nazis,
32:43he hasn't not dressed like a Nazi.
32:46LAUGHTER
32:47You know, like,
32:48when a load of your mates tell you it's fancy dress
32:50and they're the only one of you...
32:51LAUGHTER
32:53He's there going,
32:54I thought one of you was going to go as fucking Indiana Jones.
32:56LAUGHTER
32:58He's saying that to the guy in the yellow jacket.
33:00LAUGHTER
33:01All right, so, look, we need a palate cleanser right now,
33:02so let's bring on this week's mystery guest.
33:04Tom and Ellie have to work out how they're related to the news.
33:06Can we have this week's mystery guest, please?
33:08MUSIC
33:20Josh, Alex, who's the mystery guest?
33:21This is Sharon. Sharon was in the news this week,
33:24but why?
33:26Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
33:30So, has Sharon been in the news,
33:33because A...
33:34she's had her garden fence slowly stolen by thieves
33:37Themes one plank a night for two months
33:40V she was caught spying on her neighbor for a hole she made in her fence
33:45But one thing led to another and this week they got married
33:50We're showing in the news because she's built a huge statue of Claudia Winkleman on her garden fence
34:00Yeah, that's maybe the most I'd love to see the film of that as well
34:04That'd be a beautiful thing
34:06Do you really like Claudia Winkleman?
34:08Don't answer!
34:11I'll tell you what we'll reveal the mystery guests after the break will prepare Josh and Alex for an ashes forfeit as well
34:17Plus we want to know what we should call the upcoming Gorton and Denton by-election message us on whatsapp or Instagram use the hashtag unwanted election
34:23We'll see you in a little bit
34:36Welcome back to Last Egg we're joined by Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis
34:42I mean I know I've got a holiday beard but someone just messaged to say if you squint at the screen Adam looks like an old version of Mel Gibson
34:49Does that mean your views are more extreme?
34:51Does that mean your views are more extreme?
34:53Now before the break we challenged Ellie and Tom to work out how this person was connected to the news can we have the options again please?
35:03Yes, so was Sharon in the news because her garden fence was slowly stolen by thieves one plank a night for two months
35:11Was it because she was caught spying on her neighbour for a hole she made in her fence?
35:15And one thing led to another and this week they got married or is it because she's built a huge statue of Claudia Winkleman on her garden fence?
35:23What do you think?
35:24I like the idea of one as well in the fact that they were making a sort of panel of time and then just being like you know
35:30How many panels we need Dean? Just do one a time and we'll see if we've got enough
35:34Slowly building the fence
35:36I mean two is lovely, it's a happy ending but horrifically creepy initially
35:41Weirdly how I met my wife
35:43There's a hole in the gym
35:45There's a hole in the gym
35:47That sort of thing
35:49It was obviously she was spying on it
35:51It was another guy
35:53He just didn't go into the gym that day
35:55So what do you think?
35:57Weirdly actually my nickname in the gym was Big Winkleman
36:01Look I think that the statue of Claudia Winkleman in your garden is weirdly sort of the second
36:11Most believable
36:13But also the second creepiest thing
36:15Alright you gonna go with that?
36:17Sharon can you reveal
36:19How you connected to the news?
36:21I'm Sharon
36:23And I made a life-size model of Claudia Winkleman a sucker on my fence
36:27And you've brought it you've brought it with you as well this is the Claudia Winkleman that has been on your fence
36:41Oh my god
36:43It's so good
36:49Sharon
36:51Sharon please tell me you came here by train
36:53I was gonna
36:55I was gonna
36:57I was gonna go
36:59Who the Winkleman's on the train?
37:01And you've made I mean you've made many before you've made Ed Sheeran
37:03You've made Alan Carr
37:05I have the Queen the King
37:07And for us tonight you've made versions of Josh and Alex and I as well
37:11These are
37:13These are quite remarkable
37:15Oh my god
37:17That is incredible
37:29That's amazing
37:31Oh my god
37:33They are brilliant
37:35I'm loving this
37:36Yeah
37:37It was a lot of work
37:38Yours
37:39You seem to have given me Alex's feet
37:43Yours didn't take too long to make
37:45Because I already had a model of King Charles
37:49So I only had to tweak it a little bit
37:57Alright Sharon you can fuck off
37:59Round of applause for Sharon
38:05Thank you Sharon
38:07Oh so good
38:09Alright let's talk sport now
38:11And Adam Hills said
38:13Is it okay that Australia won the Ashes?
38:15And now Josh and Alex have to face an over from an Ashes legend
38:19Great question Adam Hills
38:20Love your comedy by the way
38:21Yes Australia beat England 4-1 in the recent Ashes series
38:25Are we all feeling okay about that?
38:27Yeah
38:29I mean to be fair with cricket wise
38:31I mean I'll let you have the cricket
38:33Football I'm all about football next year
38:35We'll let you
38:36I don't get
38:37I don't get as invested in the cricket
38:39But yeah it's all sad to see us lose
38:43Expected
38:44Is the word you're looking for to win that sentence
38:46Josh and Alex now have to fulfil their end of a bet that we had
38:49So at the end of tonight's show they have to face an over from an Ashes legend
38:53Wow
38:54It's going to happen live in the studio
38:56Earlier today they headed to Lords to get some batting tips from three times Ashes winning legend Matthew Pryor
39:01Here's how it played out
39:03We're joined by three times Ashes winner England's Matt Pryor
39:11And I'm gonna say it the best wicket keeper batsman England have had in my lifetime
39:16Oh wow thank you
39:17We're here to get tips
39:18And the biggest kind of tip I was wondering is
39:21What's the best way to just get out the way of the ball?
39:25As the ball is released just lie down
39:27Just lie down
39:28Just lie down
39:29And then it's gonna go over you
39:30Right
39:31Are you gonna wear both pads Brooker?
39:33Don't know
39:35Don't know
39:36Would you put a pad on a prosthetic leg?
39:39It's closing the door after the horse has bolted really isn't it?
39:42Right guys you've got all your gear on
39:47Three things to focus on
39:48Eyes level
39:49Balance feet
39:50And most important thing just watch the ball all the time
39:54Watch the ball
39:55Oh
40:00There you go
40:01That's a good shot
40:02Look at this
40:03Where are your hands in those gloves Brooker?
40:05Do you want to see?
40:08Here you go
40:09No
40:10No
40:11I feel like I'm working this kid's shoe shop
40:12No
40:13No
40:14No
40:15There
40:17Come on Brooker watch the ball
40:20Oh man
40:21There we go
40:25Oh
40:26Oh
40:27What a catch
40:28Still got it
40:32Oh
40:37Oh
40:38That is I'm gonna say
40:40The best minute of my life
40:42I loved that
40:45Shots
40:46Oh
40:47That's all good
40:48Easy
40:49Matt
40:50Nothing to worry about
40:51You boys are ready
40:52And what was that like
40:5360, 70, 80?
40:54No that was more like
40:5620 miles an hour
40:57What have you got to face tonight?
40:5990 miles an hour
41:02Cheers
41:03Lovely to meet you guys
41:04Thank you mate
41:05All the best
41:06Cheers
41:07Go well
41:13Stay tuned after the break
41:14Because Josh and Alex will face an over from an Ashes legend live in the studio
41:17And Ellie's gonna wrap up the last seven days
41:19We'll see you in a little bit
41:20We'll see you in a little bit
41:35Welcome back to Last Leg
41:36We're joined by Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis
41:38Alex and Josh are off preparing for the end of the show
41:41So we've got the standings
41:45Ellie's gonna take us through the best of the last seven days
41:48What have you got?
41:49Adam, would you like to see an incredible clip involving a giant puddle
41:53Where let's be honest, we all know what's gonna happen
41:55Yes, please
41:57Don't let's pass you a grand
41:58Don't let's pass you a grand
41:59I'm a grand
42:20And one more please
42:21Would you like to see the unfortunate moment where a sweet girl
42:24Is playing with her grandfather until silly grandad takes it a step too far
42:28You're good at this
42:29Yes, please
42:36No, squeeze it
42:37Give me a squeeze, Tilly
42:38Squeeze it
42:39Oh my god
42:55Alright
42:56We asked you to rename the Gorton and Denton by-election
43:00Anthony said a shit stew on the M62
43:03Harriet said the great Gadby
43:05Because it's the Gordon and Denton by-election
43:08It's very nice
43:09War of the Posers
43:11Johnny said Kieran loathing in Gordon
43:14But a few people said
43:15And I think this might be what we dub it
43:17The Mancunian candidate
43:19Wow, beautiful
43:21Very nice, right?
43:22Well done Malk and Mark and all of you
43:24Also we asked you on Instagram
43:25Is Josh drinking the same water as his cat disgusting?
43:28Yes
43:29What?
43:3084% said yes, it is disgusting
43:3484%
43:35Who are the 16%?
43:37The cats
43:38The cats
43:40Josh and Alex are about to end the show by facing it over from an Ashes legend
43:43But before they do, would you please thank our guests for tonight, Ellie Taylor
43:51And Tom Davis
43:52And my co-host Josh Whittakin and Alex Brooker
43:58We'll be back next week with artist Grayson Perry, comedian Judy Love and singer Tyler Ballgame
44:04But right now, it's time to fulfil a forfeit
44:07Since Australia won the Ashes, Josh and Alex now have to face an over from an Ashes legend
44:12So, let's bring out The Batsman
44:29Now, I'm going to be honest, there was a slight mix up with the booking
44:32We don't have an Ashes legend
44:34What we ended up with was an Ash who is a legend
44:38So, please welcome Lesley Ash
44:39Welcome Lesley Ash
44:41Wooo
44:45Hi, I'll go round this side
44:47I'll take this out
44:49Oh yeah, I'll take this out
44:51There you go
44:53Welcome Lesley, I mean, is this how you thought you were going to be spending your Friday night?
44:58Yeah, of course, do it all the time
45:00Alright, I'm going to give you a hand up there onto the box
45:03I'm going to feed you balls
45:04Yeah, you take that
45:05Oh, come on, you made that dirty
45:09Right
45:10Beauty and Lesley, could I just see one first to get a feel for the speed
45:13Oh God
45:14Okay, can you just pop that in
45:15I'm just going to go back while you do one in first, okay?
45:18Okay, alright
45:19Ready?
45:20Yeah
45:22Fuck!
45:24Oh, I got stuck to the netting as well
45:27Fuck this, see you later
45:29Okay, are you ready?
45:30Josh, here is your first delivery
45:35I'm really good at this
45:41Yeah
45:43We got a battle one
45:47Oh, those are your three
45:49Alex, do you want to step forward?
45:50Oh, Jesus
45:51Oh my word
45:52I can't even hold
45:53Good luck mate
45:54Tom, Tom, get ready to play the last post again
46:00Hey, Alex
46:01It's not often someone bats and is also short leg
46:06I don't know what that means
46:08Okay, here we go
46:09Are you ready?
46:11Whoa!
46:12Right
46:13Hang on
46:14Jesus
46:15Okay
46:16Ready?
46:17Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
46:19Whoa!
46:20Go!
46:21Go!
46:22Go!
46:23Go!
46:24Go!
46:25Go!
46:26Go!
46:27Go!
46:28Go!
46:29Go!
46:31That was my favourite
46:32Would you please thank Lesliad?
46:34Yeah!
46:35Go!
46:36Go!
46:37Go!
46:38Go!
46:39Go!
46:41Go!
46:42Go!
46:43Go!
46:44Go!
46:45Go!
46:46Go!
46:47Go!
46:48Go!
46:49Go!
46:50Go!
46:51Go!
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