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00:00Hello and welcome to The Weekly. I'm Charlie Pickering. A huge show for you tonight.
00:17Rhys Nicholson wonders if we're all living in a simulation.
00:20Star of the new ABC series Dog Park, Celia Pocola joins me at the desk.
00:23And a hard chat rematch ten years in the making.
00:26The Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, goes head-to-head with Tom Gleeson.
00:32Yes.
00:34And as always, we've watched all the news so that you don't have to.
00:37So let's get this show on the road with The Week.
00:43It's a Thursday and a very public break-up in Canberra.
00:47The Coalition is imploding. The Coalition has imploded.
00:50The Federal Opposition has imploded again.
00:53The Coalition is splitting up this time over Labor's new hate speech laws.
00:57The Nationals sensationally splitting from the Liberals.
01:00Our party room has made it very clear we cannot be part of a shadow ministry under Susan Lee.
01:05The Liberals and Nationals are splitting and everyone wants to know who's getting Queensland
01:10in the divorce.
01:12Three Nat Senators refused to vote with the Libs, triggering mass resignations and leaving
01:17the Coalition in tatters.
01:19But David Littleproud insisted discussions with Susan Lee had been perfectly civil.
01:23She asked, out of respect, that we had amendments.
01:26I, out of respect to her, went back to our room.
01:29And out of respect to her, our shadow ministry did not vote.
01:33And we've been respectful.
01:35That is a lot of respect.
01:36And Aretha Franklin of respect.
01:37But, in any divorce, you've got to keep things nice for the sake of the kids.
01:43Or, in the Coalition's case, the self-funded retirees.
01:46Well then, my good man, let the respecting begin.
01:50David Littleproud rang you and yelled down the phone.
01:53It was unhinged.
01:54Is that true?
01:55Look, I'm not going to reflect on private conversations.
01:57It so happened.
02:00Parliament HR said this would qualify as workplace intimidation if David Littleproud was in any
02:05way capable of being intimidating.
02:08So, after imploding over hate speech, the Liberals immediately dusted off a little bit of hate
02:13speech.
02:14Senior Liberal figures and members of the Shadow Cabinet then unleashed on David Littleproud.
02:19These are from senior Liberal Shadow Cabinet ministers.
02:23One says he's a pathological liar.
02:25David Littleproud is paralysed by fear.
02:27He's impossible to deal with.
02:29David Littleproud has lied through this process.
02:31I would trust Pauline Hanson before I trusted David Littleproud.
02:34Now, Pauline, if you're watching, you might take that as a compliment, but I assure you
02:40it is not.
02:42Barnaby Joyce was just thrilled to see a Coalition scandal that for once didn't involve him.
02:47This puts Richard Burton and Liz Taylor to shame.
02:50This is more marriages than a weekend at the Gold Coast.
02:57Barnaby, did you get shitfaced to get married five times on a weekend on the Gold Coast again?
03:02By Friday, with Susan Lay's leadership looking terminal, Angus Taylor and Andrew Hastie were
03:09doing the numbers for a spill.
03:10Charles Croucher reported the story as patronisingly as possible.
03:14Phones are being worked.
03:15People are being canvassed.
03:16They're trying to sort numbers.
03:18Now, thankfully for the Liberals, it's a smaller party room than usual because of the last
03:22election.
03:23So, those numbers should be pretty easy to work out.
03:25Yeah, bad news guys, we're doing another spill, but good news, we don't got to count too high.
03:31One big winner in all of this is Pauline Hanson.
03:34In the latest news poll, One Nation was ahead of the Coalition in primary vote for the very
03:39first time.
03:40With speculation, they could even one day form government.
03:44So, how confident is Pauline about stepping into the lodge?
03:48Can One Nation form government?
03:57Um.
03:59Hey, hey, hey, she was put on the spot.
04:01She didn't have time to prepare.
04:02Look, I'll tell you what, have a bit of time.
04:04Pauline, have another go at it.
04:06Look, I wanted to start off with something pretty simple.
04:10Do you want to become Prime Minister of this country?
04:14Um.
04:14Well, I'm convinced.
04:17Uh, but the biggest winner from this Coalition shit show seems to be Anthony Albanese.
04:22He's just gone, stuff this, I'm going to kick back with my PlayStation.
04:26See you at the next election!
04:28Still to come, conspiracy hunter Rhys Nicholson wonders if reality is even real.
04:33Plus, the PM and Tom Gleeson return to the weekly for a piece of TV history.
04:37But first, our guest tonight is one of Australia's most loved actors and comedians.
04:42You know her from Utopia and Rosehaven.
04:45Now she's back with Dog Park, a new comedy drama about finding connection whilst holding
04:50a warm plastic bag.
04:52Hi, Rowan.
04:53Hello.
04:54Samantha.
04:55Oh.
04:55You left about your lead, so I just thought I'd drop it off.
04:57Oh.
04:57And then I thought, since I'm here, why don't I see if Beanie wants to come to the park?
05:00Oh.
05:00It's just, uh, Muppet and I, me, uh, we, anyway, we, us, uh, we're going for the evening
05:05session and...
05:05No, thanks.
05:06No.
05:06It's just you seem dizzy and I'm full of your tape.
05:08I am.
05:09Whilst folded, so...
05:10Yes?
05:10So, is that a...
05:11Uh...
05:11No?
05:12I'm just trying to be nice.
05:14That's what I'm trying to do.
05:15Yeah.
05:15Uh...
05:16It does seem hard for you.
05:18Please welcome the woman with the best initials in show business, Celia Pakwola!
05:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:23Hey, CP.
05:26Good evening.
05:27First of all, as a dog person...
05:29Yes, you are.
05:30Yes.
05:30Oh.
05:31This is my dream job, to get paid to just hang out with dogs.
05:34That is wonderful.
05:34Are you a dog person?
05:37Ah...
05:37You liar!
05:39You lied!
05:41I can't stand them.
05:43This was a nightmare.
05:44Wow.
05:45No, I lie.
05:46I love dogs.
05:47I have had dogs in the past.
05:48I can't have any dogs now.
05:50I'm allowed.
05:51They don't have, like, a restraining order against me.
05:52Good to know.
05:53Good to know.
05:53They're not, like, Celia's not allowed to hear any dogs.
05:55I can't because I travel and my life and whatever.
05:57And, um, so I have to find other ways to hang out with other people's dogs, ideally for
06:02work, which is why I did this.
06:04So, generally, working with the dogs was really nice.
06:07I mean, one scene where I was doing quite a dramatic performance, when one of the dogs
06:12just went in front of me and just took a shit.
06:15Just, like, full eye contact.
06:17And it was hard to not take that as a comment on my performance.
06:20It really was.
06:21I was like, all right, tell me what you really think.
06:22I thought I was feeling it, for real.
06:26People are used to seeing you doing comedy, Rosehaven, Utopia.
06:30But this is a drama.
06:31And you're not playing, like, the quirk, well, funny drama.
06:34It's tricky to talk about it because it is a combination of things.
06:37And I know people use that word dramedy to refer to a comedy slash drama.
06:42I prefer co-mama.
06:44Oh.
06:47Has that been catching on at all?
06:48Has not caught on at her mama.
06:51What a dramedy.
06:53Yeah, comedy, drama, it's set in a dog park, and it's really...
06:56I'm not even the lead.
06:57The lead and co-creator and writer is Leon Ford,
06:59and he plays this, like, grumpy, deeply unhappy man
07:02who does not like dogs or people
07:04and gets sort of drawn into this community of dog-loving randoms
07:09who form this little dog park pack
07:11and what that does to the relationships.
07:13The only thing for this show that is not realistic to my experience in dog parks
07:16is in this, everyone knows each other's names,
07:19whereas in my experience in dog park, it's like,
07:21that's Pretzel's dad, that's Donut's mum.
07:24I'm terrible with human names,
07:25and I remember every dog name in the world.
07:27Well, of course, but also you'd remember a person's name
07:29if their name was Donut.
07:30Yeah, that is absolutely true.
07:32Because their name...
07:33They're like, this is my sister, her name's Pringles.
07:35You're like, come on.
07:36So, as well as the new TV show,
07:38you have got a new stand-up show that's going to be touring around.
07:41Yes.
07:42Am I right?
07:42You weren't actually planning to do a show?
07:44No, I was not going to do a show,
07:46and then, for my 42nd birthday,
07:48my boyfriend gave me an inflatable kayak.
07:53Did you want a kayak?
07:54Did I want a...
07:55Yeah.
07:55Let me put it this way.
07:58On the morning of my 42nd birthday,
08:00when I walked out into the living room
08:02and I found an inflated, inflatable kayak,
08:05and I said,
08:07it's a kayak,
08:08was the first time I've ever said the word kayak.
08:12And it is now not only the basis of a national tour,
08:17but something that has changed me forever.
08:19I know.
08:20I know.
08:21You can catch Celia in Dog Park from 8.30 this Sunday
08:24on ABC and iview.
08:26And if you are stuck for presents,
08:27she is touring nationally with the show Gift Horse.
08:30Buy a ticket, give it to a friend,
08:31or just to yourself,
08:32or just buy a kayak.
08:33Would you please?
08:34Thanks.
08:34Celia Pakola!
08:35The holidays are over,
08:40so it's time for the weekly's Back to Work,
08:43Canberra edition.
08:46When the PM called everyone back to Parliament a week early...
08:49Parliament to be called,
08:51recalled next Monday and Tuesday.
08:55..it caught our elected officials a little off guard.
08:58Morning.
08:59And racing in from their summer holidays cut short,
09:01what a ragtag team of misfits they are.
09:05Morning, sir.
09:06Right, let's go.
09:07Some wore nice clothes.
09:09Saturday.
09:09Some brought extra clothes.
09:11And some had bought their clothes at Bunnings.
09:14There you go, how are you going?
09:15Nice hoodie, Matt.
09:17Others had been stocking up at Coles,
09:19terrified the canteen may not be open yet.
09:21It's happening here, yeah.
09:23Looks like Banana Man's hungry.
09:25But mostly they were all eager to have a chat.
09:28Is the government going to reach a deal on these hate speech laws?
09:30Could they have a deal done?
09:31Are you going to be doing a deal on these hate speech laws?
09:34Are you hoping to see a deal done on these hate speech laws?
09:36Are you going to reach a deal?
09:37Oh, look, our base s***ed a bit, hasn't he?
09:39Language.
09:40And while some brought their children,
09:42others were forced to borrow clothes from their children.
09:45Thank you for that.
09:46While some had come straight from the beach,
09:48slash pub, slash night spent in a bus shelter.
09:52No doubt this plucky bunch of youngsters,
09:54paid handsomely with our tax dollars,
09:56will crack on in 2026,
09:58running this country the best way they know how.
10:01I certainly hope so.
10:03To Saturday,
10:05and a wayward prince finally had his day in court.
10:09No, not that one.
10:10The other one.
10:11Prince Harry is back in a London court
10:13for the first day of his latest lawsuit
10:16against British tabloids.
10:18Harry and several other high-profile plaintiffs
10:20accused the Daily Mail's publisher
10:22of hacking their phones
10:23and then illegally obtaining private health records.
10:26He's breaking a long-standing, rigid royal family tradition.
10:31And he said as much in court.
10:32He was always instructed to follow the Windsor ethos.
10:36Never complain, never explain.
10:39It's much like their other rhyming ethos.
10:41Hold your head high, defend the family banner,
10:43and if anyone asks, the Queen didn't kill Diana.
10:47Harry is fighting for justice
10:49against inhumane treatment by media organisations.
10:52Channel 9 showed their sensitivity to Harry's plight
10:55by shouting at him through a metal fence.
10:57Another battle against the tabloids.
10:59Will this be the last one?
11:01I'm surprised that didn't work.
11:03With Channel 9 getting nothing,
11:05Channel 7 tried something different.
11:07Shouting at Harry through a metal fence.
11:09How did you find day one, Harry?
11:12Happy with day one?
11:14Yeah.
11:15You see, Channel 9?
11:16That is how you do it.
11:17Amid claims that the tabloids impersonated people
11:21to access private information,
11:23Britain's GB News showed they'd learned their lesson.
11:26We've got a Prince Harry look-alike
11:28and he has recreated those moments
11:30from inside the courtroom.
11:33Settle in.
11:33Following the death of my mother in 1997
11:36when I was 12 years old
11:37and her treatment at the hands of the press,
11:40I've always had an uneasy relationship with them.
11:43It's fundamentally wrong.
11:45It's a horrible experience.
11:47Fundamentally wrong, a horrible experience.
11:50Coincidentally, my review of this news coverage.
11:53Things escalated when they went from critiquing Harry
11:56via the impersonator
11:57to just critiquing the impersonator playing Harry.
12:00The situation got worse when she became pregnant
12:03and after our son Archie was born.
12:06He's a very good actor.
12:06He's got a lot more hair than Prince Harry.
12:08This is the bit where his bottom lip quivered
12:11as he spoke about the impact the media had
12:15on his poor wife, Meghan.
12:16They continue to come after me.
12:18They've made my wife's life an absolute misery, my lord.
12:22Wow, the Oscar goes too.
12:27The actor who played Harry has since fled to the US
12:30after being harassed by the British press.
12:33To Sunday and trouble with Britain's other royal family.
12:37David and Victoria Beckham's eldest son
12:39has launched a blistering spray at his parents,
12:42accusing them of trying to control his image,
12:45finances and marriage.
12:46Brooklyn Beckham says my family values public promotion
12:50and endorsements above all else.
12:53Bran Beckham comes first.
12:54Brooklyn Beckham, the eldest,
12:56who's aired a lot of dirty linen in public.
12:59It is always sad to see families
13:01airing their dirty laundry in public,
13:03even if they're famous for airing their dirty laundry in public.
13:08Brooklyn said it all began when his mum
13:11hijacked the first dance at his wedding in 2022.
13:14He accused the former Spice Girl of hijacking their first dance.
13:19The schedule was planned to be my romantic dance with my wife,
13:22but instead my mum was waiting to dance with me instead.
13:26She danced, very inappropriately, on me in front of everyone.
13:30I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
13:32You know, if he doesn't want Victoria Beckham to dance on him,
13:36I'll take it for free.
13:38I've shown many members.
13:38Every bloke in the world.
13:40I'm sure playing about that.
13:41Caleb Bond somehow simultaneously giving off
13:44gross teenager and creepy uncle vibes.
13:47And strongly implying that the only reason
13:49he hasn't hooked up with his own mother
13:51is because she is not hot enough.
13:53Having missed the yelling at Prince Harry
13:56through a fence exclusive,
13:57Channel 9 weren't leaving anything to chance.
14:00Here at the Beckham's townhouse in London,
14:02it's all quiet.
14:03The blinds are down and a parcel is waiting to be collected.
14:06It seems like the family isn't home.
14:12It's almost as if this is a complete waste of time.
14:16Hannah Sinclair, London.
14:18Now, in these high-profile spats,
14:21it's hard to know who is really to blame.
14:24Thankfully, Fox News uncovered the real culprit.
14:26I think this is reflective of society, more broadly speaking.
14:30We're seeing this breakdown of the family unit.
14:32It's an intentional push we've seen at the left.
14:34We saw it in Stalin, Soviet Union,
14:37as well turning children against their parents,
14:39as well as in China under Mao.
14:42Of course!
14:43Of course!
14:44When a Nepo baby is fighting on Instagram
14:46with his football star dad and his Spice Girl mum,
14:48there can only be one person responsible.
14:51Damn you, Chairman Mao!
14:57Coming up in a tick,
14:59we make TV history
15:00when Tom Gleeson and Albo return to The Weekly
15:02for a very special hardchat.
15:05But first, to Monday.
15:06And in Taipei,
15:08a rock climber has scaled a 500-metre skyscraper
15:11with no ropes, no net and no safety gear.
15:14It was shown live on Netflix
15:16with a floating classification.
15:19It started out as PG,
15:21but one false move
15:22and it could switch to R for the last three seconds.
15:24Moving on,
15:27and ever since COVID conspiracies
15:29swept the globe back in 2020,
15:32doing our own research
15:33has really gotten a pretty bad name.
15:35But one brave warrior
15:36is working to change all that.
15:38Here to put their 5G implant to great use,
15:40it's Rhys Nicholson!
15:46Hi, Charles!
15:48Hi, Rhys.
15:49I feel like I haven't seen you around much.
15:50I clicked on one TikTok video
15:52and three hours later
15:55I'm watching someone explain
15:56mouth taping, cold plunges
15:58and why reality isn't real anymore.
16:00And surprise, surprise,
16:02none of this matters.
16:03Right, so you're getting your information
16:05from TikTok now?
16:06Yes, me and 7 billion other people,
16:09which is kind of the problem.
16:11Conspiracy theories are having a big moment online,
16:14especially on TikTok,
16:15where short videos, big claims
16:17and zero context
16:18makes absolute garbage feel
16:20sort of convincing.
16:22Right, so these are new theories?
16:25Nope!
16:25They're the same ideas we've always had,
16:28just repackaged
16:29to fit our shrinking attention spans.
16:31Right, and everyone thinks
16:32they've cracked something.
16:34Sure, everyone's doing their own research,
16:36and by research,
16:37I mean watching some guy
16:39live stream from his Toyota Corolla
16:41telling us to wake up!
16:42So I did what any responsible
16:45government employee would do.
16:47I claimed an office and a comm car
16:49and began my own thorough investigation,
16:52which has resulted in my new segment,
16:54Welcome to Conspiracy's Theoracy's!
17:01Let me guess,
17:02you came up with the title
17:03before the segment?
17:04It worked for you.
17:05Oh.
17:06And what are we starting with?
17:09Simulation theory.
17:10Oh, right, so are we in a simulation?
17:13I don't know,
17:14but if we are,
17:15I have some feedback.
17:16Roll the tape!
17:26Hold on.
17:28I'm just waiting to see
17:29if my Sim gets to the toilet in time
17:30before he dies of shame.
17:35Nah, you've pissed yourself.
17:37No shower for you!
17:38I love The Sims.
17:40You create people,
17:41you try to get them to woohoo,
17:43they disappoint you,
17:44so you build a wall around them
17:45and let them starve.
17:46It's part interior design,
17:48part despotism.
17:50But lately,
17:51and this could be
17:51the prescription gummies talking,
17:53I've been thinking,
17:54what if we're The Sims?
17:57What if someone out there
17:58is controlling everything we do
18:00and then just restarting the game
18:02every time they get bored?
18:03This is a real thing
18:04that people believe.
18:06It's called simulation theory.
18:07Basically,
18:09it's that everything we see
18:10and feel
18:11is just part of a
18:12giant computer program.
18:15I'm in.
18:16There are loads of
18:17Glitch in the Matrix videos
18:19on TikTok.
18:20People say Deja Vu is a glitch.
18:22Repeated patterns are a glitch.
18:24People say Deja Vu is a glitch.
18:26Charles wearing the same suit
18:27every episode.
18:28That's a glitch.
18:29I am an absolute horse's arse.
18:32And it's not just weird busted units
18:34living in their mother's basements
18:35that believe this.
18:36It's also weird busted units
18:38on the Forbes rich list.
18:39The argument for the simulation,
18:41I think, is quite strong.
18:43Billions of possible realities
18:44and every single one of them,
18:46Elon Musk is unf***able.
18:48Then there's the philosopher
18:49who gave this theory
18:51academic legitimacy,
18:52Nick Bostrom.
18:53We are living
18:54in a computer simulation.
18:55So the hypothesis
18:56is meant to be understood
18:58in a literal sense.
18:59There is some
19:00advanced civilisation
19:02who built a lot of computers
19:04and that what we experience
19:06is an effect
19:07of what's going on
19:08inside one of those computers.
19:10And this isn't even a new idea.
19:12Philosophers were onto this
19:13centuries ago.
19:15In fact, Plato literally wrote
19:16about humans living
19:17in some giant fake reality
19:19and he didn't even own a computer.
19:22Or pants.
19:23The real question is
19:24why would anyone
19:25simulate human beings?
19:27I mean, why bother?
19:29Some people think
19:30we're a science experiment.
19:31Others say we're entertainment.
19:33Which makes this segment
19:35kind of a head f***
19:36because that means
19:37that someone programmed me,
19:39Reece Nicholson,
19:40a natural redhead
19:41with a zest for life,
19:42to become a comedian,
19:43work my arse off,
19:45get a job on this show,
19:46only to be explaining
19:47simulation theory to you
19:49from inside the simulation.
19:52I mean, at that point,
19:52just pop me in the pool
19:54and delete the ladder.
19:55And look,
19:56all of this could be garbage,
19:58but lots of people
19:58believe in a sky-based man
20:00who's controlling everything.
20:02So who am I to judge?
20:03Should we be taking
20:04this seriously?
20:06Some scientists say maybe.
20:08Most say no.
20:10Oh, s***.
20:11Sim Charlie's on fire.
20:14Yeah, look,
20:14you probably deserve that.
20:16So maybe simulation theory
20:18isn't real.
20:19Or maybe whoever's
20:21controlling the program
20:22has gone to annoy their sister.
20:26Bloober.
20:27Bleeber.
20:27Zep, zep.
20:28Nabooba.
20:29Bazu, bazu.
20:31Eh, bazu.
20:33Oh, madagaga.
20:35Eh, jolly pickering.
20:37Bilal.
20:38Eh, bazuba.
20:39Nah, pith yourself.
20:40No shower for you.
20:42I love the simps.
20:45Anyone else feel deja vu?
20:47To Tuesday
20:49and our regular segment
20:50on the insane ramblings
20:52of the leader of the free world.
20:54What the f*** is it?
20:56This week,
20:59Trump headed to Davos, Switzerland
21:00and unveiled his latest creation,
21:03the Board of Peace.
21:04President Donald Trump
21:05wants to form his own
21:07United Nations
21:07and charge world leaders
21:09$1.5 billion to join.
21:12This board has the chance
21:14to be one of the most
21:14consequential bodies
21:16ever created
21:17and it's my enormous honour
21:19to serve as its chairman.
21:20The Board of Peace
21:21is designed to implement
21:22the 20-point peace plan
21:24for Gaza.
21:25He will be the chairman
21:26of this Board of Peace.
21:28He will uniquely decide
21:30who gets to sit round the table
21:32and who doesn't.
21:33He will be the chairman,
21:35by the way,
21:36in perpetuity.
21:37Perpetual chairman
21:38of the Board of Peace
21:39because eternal grand
21:41super emperor
21:41of the whole wide world
21:42forever was just too obvious.
21:46Observers say
21:47this is all part of
21:47Trump's new approach
21:49to diplomacy.
21:49In foreign policy,
21:50President Trump
21:51does this thing
21:52where young people
21:52talk about manifesting.
21:54He likes to manifest
21:55things into being.
21:56The amazing thing
21:57is when the president
21:58does this,
21:58sometimes it works.
22:00Mmm.
22:00He's manifesting.
22:02Yes,
22:03and when he was asked
22:03if he'd read the secret,
22:04Trump said,
22:05would everyone just shut up
22:06about the Epstein files?
22:08For those concerned
22:09that Trump wants
22:10to replace the UN
22:11with a knock-off version
22:12that only includes America,
22:14don't worry,
22:15because he also unveiled
22:16the Board of Peace logo,
22:18a gold-plated knock-off version
22:20that only includes America.
22:22Perfect.
22:23So who's been invited
22:24to join this Board of Peace?
22:26Anthony Albanese
22:27is among a select list
22:29of world leaders
22:30hand-picked by Donald Trump
22:32to join his new
22:33Board of Peace for Gaza.
22:35The list of who's been
22:36invited to join
22:37contains an odd mix
22:38of world leaders,
22:39Israeli Prime Minister
22:40Benjamin Netanyahu,
22:41Belarusian President
22:42Alexander Lukashenko,
22:44and Ukrainian President
22:46Volodymyr Zelensky.
22:47Have you invited
22:48President Putin
22:49to be a member
22:49of the Board of Peace?
22:51Yeah, he's been invited.
22:53Finally,
22:54Putin and Zelensky
22:55can come together
22:56and bring peace
22:57to Gaza.
22:59Hail Chairman Trump!
23:02Welcome back
23:03on President Trump.
23:06And so we arrive
23:07on Wednesday
23:08and something of a milestone
23:09for the weekly.
23:10Recently,
23:11we marked the 10th anniversary
23:12of a moment
23:13that changed
23:13Australian politics forever.
23:15The moment
23:16Anthony Albanese
23:17began his transformation
23:18from political duffer
23:20to electoral powerhouse.
23:22That's right,
23:23it was one decade ago
23:24that Anthony Albanese
23:26appeared on Hard Chat
23:27with political kingmaker
23:29Tom Gleeson.
23:30You've got an inner city electorate.
23:33Did you smoke weed
23:34at high school?
23:35This is your chance
23:36to win over a few,
23:37you know,
23:37your people.
23:38I'm not going to answer
23:39any of that.
23:40What about meth?
23:43Did you smoke meth?
23:44I didn't even know
23:46meth existed
23:46until recently.
23:48Since then,
23:49Albo became PM
23:50and Tom has largely
23:51kept a very low profile.
23:53To give us an update
23:54on he and the PM's
23:55very special relationship,
23:57it's Tom Gleeson.
23:59Hi Charlie,
24:00I'm back.
24:02Now Tom,
24:03watching that
24:03must bring back
24:04some special memories.
24:06Yeah,
24:06well remember
24:07Hard Chat
24:07was a segment
24:08that started
24:09in the very first series.
24:10It was ages ago.
24:11And so
24:12we got this
24:13no-hoper
24:14that no-one
24:14had heard of
24:15called Anthony Albanese
24:16on
24:16just to pump up
24:18his tyres a little bit
24:19but in the middle
24:20of the segment
24:20something weird
24:22happened.
24:22You'll still be here
24:23no doubt
24:24in a decade.
24:26I'll be hosting
24:27Charlie's show.
24:28You'll be hosting
24:28your show.
24:30You can have me on
24:32and we can talk about
24:33I'll decide on the day.
24:37Well thanks for chatting.
24:38Hard.
24:38Yeah,
24:39so he said
24:41we'll do it again.
24:42So anyway,
24:42the Prime Minister's office
24:43reached out to us
24:45to do Hard Chat again
24:46because I think
24:47they're desperate
24:47for some kind
24:48of PR win.
24:50And so
24:50at the end of last year
24:52we celebrated
24:52our 10-year anniversary.
24:55Hard Chat.
24:57Welcome to Hard Chat.
24:58I'm joined by
24:58the Prime Minister of Australia
24:59Anthony Albanese.
25:01Thanks for joining me.
25:01Good to be with you Tom.
25:03Let's chat.
25:03Hard.
25:04Fulfilling a commitment.
25:06Yeah.
25:0610 years ago.
25:07I brought it back
25:07for you, you know.
25:08Excellent.
25:09I brought it out
25:09of retirement
25:10because I've outgrown
25:11this segment.
25:12Well you've got
25:12your own show now.
25:13Now I'm slumming it
25:15on Charlie's show.
25:17What's this about here?
25:18If it does a shit in here
25:19you've got to pick it up.
25:20No, she's not.
25:21Okay.
25:22You're just trying
25:22to soften up your image
25:23because this is a soft
25:24interview really
25:25despite it being called
25:26Hard Chat
25:26and you're just trying
25:27to look like a good bloke
25:28by having a dog
25:28whereas really
25:29I want to get it put down.
25:32Outright.
25:32Yeah, well
25:33what's this?
25:34You just lost
25:34a lot of support there Tom.
25:36National voters
25:37would like what I said.
25:38Look, there's a lot
25:38of national voters
25:39who will not vote for you
25:40because of that fluffy dog.
25:43Now when you got back
25:44from the US
25:44you were given a hard time
25:45for wearing a Joy Division
25:46t-shirt.
25:47I was.
25:48Yeah, do you wish
25:48you wore your Suicidal Tendencies
25:50t-shirt?
25:51Or Dead Kennedys?
25:52Or...
25:52Psychedelic porn crumpets.
25:54You could have worn that one.
25:55Are you a fan of the
25:56psychedelic porn crumpets?
25:57No, I'm not.
25:57They're a prog rock band
25:58from Perth
25:59and I'm just saying
26:00you could always do
26:00with more support in the West.
26:02Oh, I reckon
26:02we're doing okay over there.
26:04Now you're very proud
26:05of coming from public housing.
26:06When you first became
26:07Prime Minister
26:07you said to everyone
26:08that anyone can aspire
26:10to the top job.
26:12They can.
26:12Look at the evidence.
26:14Well, it's great evidence
26:15but I've seen people
26:16in public housing
26:17and just quietly
26:17I don't want some of them
26:19to be PM.
26:20Some of them yell
26:20at passing cars.
26:21Well, you know
26:22people would have got
26:23pretty good odds
26:24about me becoming PM.
26:26Now everyone got annoyed
26:26because you bought
26:27a $4.3 million house
26:29in the Central Coast.
26:31Central Coast?
26:31It's a bit bogan.
26:32I mean, why didn't you
26:33pick Iron Bay or Noosa?
26:34Because I'm getting married
26:36and Jodie's a coastie.
26:38Proud coastie.
26:39I thought it would have been
26:40weirder if the Prime Minister
26:41bought a flat in Penrith.
26:42That's fine too
26:44if that's what people
26:45want to do.
26:45Have you been to Penrith?
26:46Yeah, Penrith is fine.
26:49Beautiful, the Nepean River.
26:50Every time it floods
26:51I'm happy.
26:53Now, speaking of weddings
26:54you went to
26:54Kyle Sandiland's wedding.
26:56I did.
26:56How much cocaine
26:57did you not see
26:58getting taken?
26:59Not see.
27:00I saw nothing.
27:01I sat next to
27:02Kyle's mum
27:03who is lovely.
27:05Now, after Kevin Rudd
27:06finished
27:06you lost the leadership
27:07election to Bill Shorten.
27:09I did.
27:09Are you the only person
27:10to lose anything
27:11to Bill Shorten?
27:12Well, I won the rank
27:14and file vote.
27:15Bill got the support
27:16of a majority
27:18of the caucus.
27:18Yeah, because they
27:19were petrified of him.
27:20And I served
27:22loyally to Bill.
27:23But you're the Labor
27:24John Howard.
27:24You're like
27:25him in the reverse.
27:27You know, Bill Shorten
27:28lost the unlosable election.
27:29That's what happened
27:29before John Howard.
27:30You were an unlikely leader
27:32and now we're stuck with you.
27:33Well, not completely unlikely.
27:35Well, everyone else
27:37thought it was unlikely.
27:38I know you thought
27:38it was likely.
27:39But the majority
27:40of the Australian people
27:41voted for it.
27:42That's a good thing.
27:43Yeah, but they kind of
27:43had no choice.
27:45There was you.
27:47Well, they did vote
27:48for Scott Morrison
27:50in 2019.
27:51Yeah, it was an accident.
27:54All right.
27:55Very unkind.
27:56All right, thanks for chatting.
27:58Hard!
27:59Thanks very much, Tom.
28:00Say thanks, totes.
28:01Get out of it.
28:03Bloody basket.
28:08That is all we have
28:12time for tonight.
28:13Would you please thank
28:14Tom Gleeson,
28:14Anthony Albanese,
28:15Celia Pagola
28:16and Rhys Nicholson.
28:19And if you would like
28:21to be in our studio audience,
28:23just scan the code
28:24on your screen right now.
28:26I'll give you a tick
28:26to get your phone out.
28:28Get the scanner open.
28:29Hold it up.
28:29Scan.
28:31Yeah, we're done.
28:31Good.
28:32We'll be back next week
28:33with Margaret Pomerantz,
28:34Nick Cody and Alexi Toleopoulos.
28:35Until then,
28:36on behalf of the team,
28:37thanks for watching.
28:38I'm Charlie Pickering.
28:39Good night.
28:39APPLAUSE
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