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The.Assembly.UK.S02E01
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00:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:30Hello, Steve. Nice to see you all. Where am I sitting? I thought so. Hello. Hello. Nice to see you.
00:35Nice to see you. My name's Caroline. Caroline. Hello. Hello there. Good to see you all. I heard you went
00:42to Buckingham Palace and do drugs, sneaking drugs and cocaine. I didn't go in order to do that. So why
00:51did you go in to Buckingham Palace? I mean, I'm not going to justify it. Right.
01:00Um. Do you not do that no more? No. I'm a good boy now. Good.
01:10It's going to be hard. Oh, I know. I've seen it. I've seen you guys. Smiling assassins.
01:23Chardonnay, would you like to introduce us?
01:27Welcome to the Assembly, our collective of autistic, neurodiversion and non-disabled interviews. We are delighted to have you today.
01:37Our rules are no subject is out of bounds, no question is off the table and all might happen. Please
01:44tell us who you are.
01:45Hello. I'm Stephen Fry. I'm an actor and a writer. Busy myself around the world in different things, but mostly
01:53an actor and a writer.
01:54Thank you, Stephen. Thank you. That was the easy bit. Oh, dear.
01:59Now we have Cameron. First question. Hello. Hello, Cameron.
02:05My first question is a very serious one, so just prepare yourself.
02:09OK.
02:10You tried to kill yourself a couple of times. Are you happy to be alive now?
02:16I am, Cameron. I am happy to be alive, but it was a pretty, pretty terrible experience.
02:22Wow.
02:22I was in agony in my mind and didn't want to live, but I can't bring back that feeling, so
02:29it's a kind of alien. It's like looking at myself as another person.
02:33I compare it to if you've ever broken a leg or had a really painful injury. You know that you
02:40screamed in agony, but you can't make that pain come back to you now, can you?
02:45You can't make your leg hurt again, and it's a bit the same with the mind.
02:49So you're happy now?
02:50I think so. I'm, like a lot of people, I almost don't dare say I'm happy, but that's stupid, because
02:56if you are happy, you should enjoy it.
03:01Thank you very much, Cameron. And do you know that your name is an anagram of romance?
03:06Oh, wow.
03:08No, I didn't know that, actually.
03:11Isn't that nice?
03:11There you go.
03:12Yeah.
03:15Right, we're coming to Tomislav now.
03:20My first question is, can you help me meet my idol and icon and legend, the amazing human being, the
03:31Queen of Pop, Dame Céline Marie Claudette Dionne?
03:41I wish I could help you there. I'm afraid I don't know Céline Dionne. I think I was once in
03:47the same room as her, but I didn't speak to her.
03:49But she is a marvellous talent, and your admiration is focused on a very worthy, worthy idol.
03:57I'm London. That means I'm gay, a pride, LGBT.
04:00What is your advice on finding a husband, question mark?
04:04Well, I mean, it's a different world now, because so many spouses are found online.
04:11Yeah.
04:12But, I guess, put yourself out there in a safe and happy kind of environment, but I'm afraid I'm out
04:20of that game, and have been for 11 years since I found my husband.
04:23Because I want to find a boyfriend and be a dad one day and have a son and daughter.
04:27Oh, well, you deserve to be happy, as everyone does. I'm sure you will.
04:31Yeah. My last question, final question is, are you a top or a bottom?
04:39Another London question, I'll have an LGBT pride question.
04:43Wow. That is as direct as it gets.
04:47You go top or top.
04:48You go top or top.
04:49You go top.
04:50I'm going to leave that a mystery for people to guess.
04:52Yeah, I think that's best.
04:54Thank you for raising it a very important point.
04:57There is V in the middle, of course.
04:59Yeah. Versatile, is there not?
05:00Yeah.
05:01Amazing. Don't you tell me something?
05:03That was a great moment.
05:05Nicola will be next.
05:08Hello, Stephen.
05:09Hello, Nicola.
05:13What order do you wash your body parts?
05:18In what order do I wash my body parts?
05:21Yeah.
05:22In a shower, I don't use shampoo.
05:26Shampoo?
05:27No.
05:28Can't you shampoo?
05:29Just water.
05:30In the hair?
05:32Yeah.
05:33When I shampooed, I'd do my hair first.
05:35I would do my intimate areas with a sponge or, you know, one of those little...
05:41What do you call them?
05:42The shower?
05:42A scruncher.
05:43Shower.
05:43It's a scruncher.
05:44It's a scruncher.
05:45A scruncher.
05:45So, I think downstairs and then upstairs.
05:49How much have you spent on cocaine?
06:21Oh, my goodness.
06:23They call it a line of cocaine, and you snort it up your nose.
06:28Like that?
06:28Up your nose?
06:29He said, oh, I got this guy so-and-so, and he gives you the number of the guy, and
06:32then you know the guy.
06:33Why have you been drinking on crack cocaine and putting it up your nose?
06:38Yeah, up your nose.
06:39Yeah, not crack cocaine.
06:40That's your smoke, I think.
06:41I've never had that.
06:42No, you haven't had that yet.
06:43I haven't.
06:44No, don't say yet.
06:46Honestly, I know it's terrible because...
06:48Did you inject it?
06:49No, I couldn't inject myself either.
06:50Cocaine, no?
06:51No.
06:52Maybe a weight loss drug, maybe.
06:54Oh, okay.
06:55Not doing it no more?
06:56Oh, no, no.
06:57And I wouldn't recommend anybody do it, obviously.
07:00But I'd also recommend we're all very grown up about it.
07:03We understand why people seem to want to do it, and maybe find a better answer than simply condemning
07:09everybody for doing it.
07:10Because in the world, the most important thing is to be effective, not to be right,
07:15but to find a way to solve a problem.
07:17Thank you, Nicola.
07:19Yeah.
07:20Nice to meet you.
07:21You can't do this back in the palace.
07:24No, I know, it's great for you.
07:26You shouldn't do it anywhere.
07:27Oh, God.
07:28Right, we're coming to Harry now.
07:33Hello, Sir Stephen.
07:34How are you?
07:35Very well, thank you.
07:38I read that you are bipolar.
07:39Yes.
07:41One of my family has that.
07:43Yeah.
07:43How can I help them, please?
07:45Oh, that's such a good question.
07:46It really is.
07:49It's...
07:50The first thing to realise is that it's an illness.
07:53It's not something that can be wished away.
07:56It's, um, it is a real thing.
07:59It's worth thinking of it as being like the weather.
08:02Now, the weather is real.
08:04You can't pretend it's not raining when it's raining.
08:07You can't say, no, it's not raining.
08:09It's ridiculous.
08:10You're getting wet.
08:10It's really raining.
08:11Yes.
08:12But on the other hand, it's also true that you didn't make it rain.
08:16The rain happens.
08:18You didn't...
08:19It's not your fault that it's raining.
08:21You shouldn't beat yourself up and say, why am I devised?
08:24I shouldn't be.
08:25I shouldn't be.
08:26That's like saying it shouldn't be raining.
08:27It's not something in your control.
08:31It will eventually stop.
08:33It always has and it always will stop.
08:35And the sun will come out at some point.
08:37And so that's what it's like with a mood disorder like bipolar.
08:44And it's difficult, but it...
08:47It's worth remembering that it's not their personality.
08:51It's the weather inside them.
08:53And it will change.
08:56Yeah.
09:00We're going to come to Luca now and he's got something he'd like to show you.
09:05Hey, Luca.
09:08The World Is Too Much With Us by William Wordsworth.
09:12They're my favourite poems.
09:15The world is too much with us, late and soon.
09:19Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers.
09:24Little we know of nature that is ours,
09:26we have given our hearts away, a sordid boon.
09:32This sea that bears her bosom to the moon,
09:35the winds that will be howling at all hours,
09:38and are up gathered now like sleeping flowers.
09:41For this, for everything, we are out of tune.
09:46It moves us not.
09:48Great God, I'd rather be a pagan sucker than a creed out worn.
09:54So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
09:58have glimpses that will make me less forlorn,
10:02have sight of Proteus rising from the sea,
10:05or hear old Triton blow his reefed horn.
10:11My dear fellow, that's absolutely wonderful.
10:15APPLAUSE
10:16I love that, and you delivered it with such passion and power.
10:22We are out of tune, don't you agree?
10:24Yes.
10:25It's getting and spending.
10:27It meant a huge amount to me, Luca, and beautifully done,
10:30as you can see, I'm very moved by it.
10:32I love poetry, and that is one of my favourite poems.
10:36Beautifully done. Wonderful.
10:38Right, we've got Jacob up now.
10:42Hi.
10:43You've done adverts for Heineken, Alliance and Leicester,
10:49Twining's Tea... OK.
10:51Pioneer Hi-Fi, Walker's Crisps, Marks and Spencers,
10:58Honda... Wow, that's a lot!
11:00Virgin Media, Extra Strong Mints...
11:04You've got a...
11:05After Eight Mints...
11:08Sainsbury's... Sainsbury's?
11:10Heathrow Airport, Direct Line, EE, and finally, Whitbread.
11:16Is there anything you wouldn't do for money?
11:21Oh, my gosh!
11:24Wow, you pinned me there.
11:26I am a tart.
11:33Thanks for reminding me.
11:36My next question is, why did you go on Channel 4 in 2022,
11:41saying you were proud to be a Jew if you are an atheist?
11:47Um, because being a Jew and an atheist is not a contradiction.
11:52But plenty of Jews like me are atheists.
11:54Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein were Jews.
11:57Oh!
11:57And if they had stayed in Germany and Austria,
12:00they would have been gassed and killed, like any other Jew.
12:03But I went on Channel 4 to give that alternative Christmas message
12:08because there had been a disturbing rise in anti-Semitism.
12:11You know, desecration of Jewish shops and, you know, swastikas on Jewish gravestones
12:16and all these sort of things.
12:17Yeah, it's terrible.
12:18I thought of my mother in particular.
12:20I think you know she's still alive.
12:22And she always had, as her parents did, a faith in coming to Britain was a place of openness
12:28for Jews and that they would be as welcomed as all immigrants were.
12:34And they would be just horrified.
12:36All these, you know, terrible things happening in the world.
12:39But we've got to stop making them reduced to racial hatred
12:44because that's never going to solve anything.
12:47It's horrible.
12:50Ben, you're up.
12:52All right.
12:54So, my first question is a bit of a touchy one.
12:59All right.
13:00So, you attended a funeral and you were sat next to Paul McCartney.
13:07How did you feel when Paul McCartney said to you,
13:11shut up, you can't sing?
13:13I actually felt justified because I know I can't sing.
13:18We had this mutual friend, John Schlesinger, film director,
13:20and it was his funeral.
13:21And during the singing, I did what I always did.
13:24I mimed.
13:25Yeah.
13:28And Paul turned to me and said, Stephen, you're not singing.
13:31Why aren't you singing?
13:32You should be singing.
13:33I said, Paul, I can't sing.
13:35He said, everybody can sing.
13:36Sing.
13:37So, the next one, I started singing.
13:38And he said, you're right, you can't sing.
13:40Shut up.
13:42So, I wasn't the least bit offended.
13:45I thought, yes, it's now official.
13:47Yeah.
13:48Do you know, I'll tell you a story.
13:50Yeah.
13:50I used to do this program called Saturday Live,
13:53and Hugh Laurie and I would do sketches together.
13:56And in one of them, we were doing this thing,
13:57and I suddenly realized on, like, Thursday,
14:00Hugh, if we're doing the sketches the way we've written it,
14:03it means I've got to sing that song.
14:04I said, you know I can't.
14:06He said, no, I've heard you can sing if you're relaxed.
14:08Have you considered hypnotism?
14:11And I'd never considered it.
14:13And I found one who was in central London,
14:15and I called up his office, and he was Hungarian,
14:17which somehow made it rather wonderfully,
14:19the thick Hungarian accent.
14:21So, he said, what is it you want of me?
14:23And I want you to put your hands on your knees,
14:27and now you feel I am lowering you down a well.
14:31All right.
14:33So, it gets darker and darker and darker into the well,
14:37and you see the little, little disk of light at the top
14:41is getting smaller and smaller, and my voice is the rope
14:45that keeps you safe as you go down into the dark.
14:48And I was going down, and it really worked.
14:50I was hypnotized.
14:51So, he said, now, when you're doing this program tomorrow,
14:55what is the line that your friend gives you
14:59before you have to sing?
15:00And I said, well, actually, he says, hit it, bitch.
15:04Which is what he says.
15:06He said, hit it, bitch, is what he says.
15:09He said, all right, all right, this is what he says.
15:13That is a good cue.
15:14When you hear the words, hit it, bitch,
15:19you will be completely relaxed,
15:22and you will be able to sing as if alone in the shower.
15:27And now I pull on the rope and you come up the well.
15:29Yeah. And we did the sketch.
15:31And I did sing, I was relaxed.
15:33I wonder if it would still work for, like, any future sketches.
15:35I don't know, I shall have to find out.
15:37All right, thank you. Thank you.
15:38It was a pleasure chatting to you.
15:40Thank you very much, Ben, that was great.
15:42Can I come to Claire now?
15:44Hello, Stephen, I'm Claire.
15:46Hello, Claire.
15:48You're 30 years older than your husband.
15:52Me and my girlfriend have an age gap.
15:55I'm 38 and she's 21.
15:57What do you say to people who don't like age gap relationships?
16:03I feel a bit sorry for them.
16:05I don't see why they should have such an opinion about things.
16:09But the only thing that matters in a relationship is love.
16:14And if you feel it, and it's felt on both sides, and it's not an exploitative relationship.
16:20I mean, I would say to people that in our relationship, Elliot has all the power, really.
16:26He makes a lot of the decisions about things, because I trust him, too.
16:31It just, it works for us extremely well.
16:35And if people don't like it, well, sod them.
16:38I find age is just a number at the end of the day.
16:40As long as you're happy, that's the main thing.
16:42You're right, Claire.
16:43Absolutely right.
16:44Yeah.
16:44Yeah.
16:46Thank you very much.
16:47That was lovely.
16:48Okay, next we're going to hear from Jin.
16:51Good job.
16:52Hi, Steven.
16:53My name is Jin, like to drink.
16:55Oh, wonderful.
16:57Who's your favorite world wrestling entertainment superstar?
17:01WWE!
17:03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:03Let me know now, Steven.
17:05Please.
17:06Well, this is all due to my husband.
17:08My husband, when he was a teenager, was very fond of WWE.
17:12WWE!
17:13WWE!
17:14WWE!
17:14His favorite was Shawn Michaels, The Heartbreak Kid.
17:17I like The Undertaker, and Roman Reigns is very fine.
17:20Brock, he's in Smashing Machine.
17:22Brock Lesnar is a stone-cold Steve Austin.
17:26People think, Steven, you can't like wrestling, but I actually do.
17:29So, I would say, probably The Undertaker is my favorite.
17:32Hey, Steve.
17:33Thank you very much, Jin.
17:36We're going to hear from Huey now.
17:38Good morning.
17:39Huey, hi.
17:41As a humanist, do you think you'd believe in no life after death,
17:45because you think God would hate you?
17:48Well, no, I just, I would call myself a humanist.
17:53I think it's a good word.
17:54That's to say, humanists put humans at the center of our own destiny.
17:58We make our own lives.
18:00You know, we're not told what to think by a group that claims to have
18:05secret answers written in a book.
18:07Our holy text is experience.
18:09What we see in the world, what we understand from evidence.
18:14My belief is anybody who tells you they know what happens to a human being
18:17after they're dead is either a liar or a fool, because nobody knows.
18:22You just don't.
18:24And, personally, I think if you believe there is no life after death,
18:28it means you value life so completely, because this is it.
18:33And the idea that it's not enough is extraordinary to me.
18:36People say, oh, this can't be all there is.
18:38What?
18:39It isn't enough for you that there's Africa and Iceland and that there's waterfalls and fields
18:45and deserts and more animals than you can count, more species of beetle alone than can be catalogued.
18:52There is such richness, diversity, beauty and astonishing variety in this world that the idea of saying,
18:58oh, there's got to be more than this, it just seems to me so arrogant and stupid to embrace everything
19:03we have,
19:04because this is it, our life and its precious.
19:10That was so nice.
19:18This is quite something, really.
19:19Yeah.
19:21Do you need a walk or anything?
19:23I'm fine, thanks.
19:24Here we go.
19:33I'll put this song.
19:36It would feel to be free.
19:43I wish I could break all the chains holding me.
20:00Hit it, bitch.
20:01I wish I could say all the things that I should say.
20:10Say a loud, say a clear for the whole round world to hear.
20:19I wish I could share all the love that's in my heart.
20:27Remove all the scars that keep us apart.
20:35Oh, I wish you could know what it means to be me.
20:43Then you'd see and agree that everyone should be free.
21:08I wish I could give all I'm longing to give.
21:16I wish I could live like I'm longing to live.
21:25Here we go.
21:26Oh, I wish I could do all the things that I can do.
21:32Well done.
21:33Though I'm way overdue, I'll be starting to love you.
21:41Well, I wish I could be like a bird in the sky.
21:49How sweet it would be if I found I could fly.
21:58Oh, I thought to the sun and look down at the sea.
22:07Then I'd say, cause I know, yeah.
22:11Then I'd say, cause I know, yeah.
22:15Then I'd say, cause I know, how it feels to be free.
22:46Gorgeous.
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