- 16 hours ago
In the Army Now 1994 [Full Movie] [Long Version]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we'd get a guarantee check for $2,500.
00:08:48A few times that times two.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey.
00:09:00This is for our storm.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look.
00:09:04I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:07No, no, no.
00:09:08Jacks and bones and...
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11And Alice's and Rios.
00:09:12I did too much.
00:09:13All right, all right, all right.
00:09:14Let's go.
00:09:15Ah.
00:09:16Yes.
00:09:17Yeah.
00:09:20Yeah.
00:09:33Yeah.
00:09:36Yeah.
00:09:39Yeah.
00:09:47Hi, um, see, everybody knows me for my hair, huh?
00:09:55Okay, what I need you to do is just, just a little bit on the side, not a whole bunch,
00:09:59and kind of keep, like, it's so still.
00:10:01I'd like to see you in something short, but sassy, a real 90s look,
00:10:05something that works as well on the rifle range as it does in the disco.
00:10:08Okay, that's perfect.
00:10:12Get a haircut and get a real job.
00:10:15All right.
00:10:21Ah!
00:10:29It's my head.
00:10:31I mean, look at it.
00:10:32Does it look bigger than it?
00:10:35I mean, do I look like a big potato?
00:10:38Honestly?
00:10:38Yeah, honestly.
00:10:39It looks great.
00:10:41It really does.
00:10:42Really?
00:10:42Really.
00:10:43Really?
00:10:44It looks macho.
00:10:46All right.
00:10:47Look at these, man.
00:10:48Look at these.
00:10:50Army issue.
00:10:51See, I think those are unique.
00:10:53Idiotic.
00:10:54No, those are unique.
00:10:55See, you're distinctive.
00:10:56No one has them.
00:10:57Really?
00:10:58You're king.
00:10:59You're king.
00:10:59All right.
00:11:00One of a kind.
00:11:01They built them all when they made you, Jack.
00:11:11Come on, Jack.
00:11:12Come on, go!
00:11:22Mom, I can't do it!
00:11:25I can't do it, man.
00:11:27This is just like your childhood, remember?
00:11:32Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right.
00:11:34That guy is exactly like my dad.
00:11:36See? Come on.
00:11:38Wait a minute, though. My childhood sucked.
00:11:40No, I can't do it, man.
00:11:41I can't handle being yelled at by some muscle-bound drill sergeant.
00:11:46No, man, I can't do it.
00:11:48Get the hell off the truck!
00:11:53Oh, whoa.
00:11:53Oh, she can drill me any time.
00:11:57On the double right now! Come on, move it, move it!
00:12:00Hello, sweet pants.
00:12:02Get down here! Get down here!
00:12:05Rust up!
00:12:06And take those glasses off!
00:12:08What do you think, you want some beaches up?
00:12:10No.
00:12:10What's your name, private?
00:12:11Bones car, we're reporting for duty, sir!
00:12:14All right.
00:12:15I mean, man, sergeant, whatever!
00:12:18You will address me as drill sergeant.
00:12:21Don't you understand?
00:12:25Yes, but you don't need to yell, because, look, I'm standing right here.
00:12:28I'm not yelling at you, private.
00:12:30Drill sergeants do not yell.
00:12:31We simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear.
00:12:34That way we all learn from each other's mistakes!
00:12:37Oh, okay. Thanks for explaining it.
00:12:39From here on out, your butt is mine.
00:12:42You will obey every order without question!
00:12:48Grunt!
00:12:52Oh, you a funny boy, huh?
00:12:54Cutie pie, right?
00:12:55Well, I don't know you, but I don't even like you.
00:12:57And I make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier.
00:13:01For the next eight weeks, I'll be all over your butt like white old rice!
00:13:06Is that a promise?
00:13:09Give me 20.
00:13:11I want my wallet.
00:13:13Drop and give me 20!
00:13:14I can't hold this.
00:13:15Boy, you better get on that ground and give me them push-ups!
00:13:19It's been a while.
00:13:21All the way up and down, right?
00:13:24Pump!
00:13:26Eat one!
00:13:29Is that good?
00:13:37Get up!
00:13:39Get up!
00:13:42Everybody up!
00:13:46I'm getting me up!
00:13:48I'm gonna crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:13:56Get your butt off that rack!
00:14:06Ow!
00:14:07Ow!
00:14:07Ow!
00:14:07Get up!
00:14:08I'm out!
00:14:10I'm out!
00:14:12Extend to the lamp!
00:14:14Extend to the lamp!
00:14:16All right!
00:14:22All right, we've got one of the camping champs up to get grass fields.
00:14:25We're happy to say run and play, but I say go, go!
00:14:39Jack!
00:14:40Yeah?
00:14:41Run!
00:14:43Where'd the sun go?
00:14:44All right!
00:14:45There is no sun anymore, Barnes.
00:14:47All right!
00:14:48The sun is gone.
00:14:49All right!
00:14:51We died, and this is hell.
00:14:53Ah, okay.
00:14:54Thanks for explaining.
00:14:55All right!
00:15:00Private, he's got that weapon around backwards.
00:15:14see the picture on the front of this weapon
00:15:20let's put there for privates like you it's idiot proof
00:15:33the gig line runs down the seam of your shirt through the edge of your belt buckle down the
00:15:38seam of your zipper this is a straight gig line see it learn it do it
00:15:52from here on out anyone without a straight gig line will have to answer to me
00:16:02can't we what the hell is this just sergeant i guess my gig line needs straightening huh
00:16:17oh thank you just sergeant don't thank me thank your recruiter
00:16:29come on boy come on you can't do it i know you can't do it
00:16:35there are two types of bayonet fighters the quick and the dead what are you
00:16:38what are they what are you what are they what are you what are they they need volunteers
00:16:45yeah are you crazy i sure am i'm a crazy boy hello
00:16:55conway yes ma'am come here i'm on my way
00:17:04hi let's not fight come here hit me or you'll be sorry i can't hit you you're a girl and
00:17:12i love
00:17:15you you've got two seconds to hit me
00:17:22okay but this is gonna
00:17:28oh shit i'm sorry i was just gonna i'm gonna teach you a lesson
00:17:34never
00:17:36oh
00:17:41oh
00:17:44got it
00:17:45can i please throw up now
00:17:51get up
00:17:52get mad
00:17:53now listen to me very carefully private this is exactly the same as practice
00:17:59but this is a real live grenade i want you to do exactly as you've been trained
00:18:03yes joe sergeant when i give the command to execute i want you to drop the pin throw the grenade
00:18:09yes joe sergeant drop the pin throw the grenade yes joe sergeant
00:18:14execute
00:18:25thank you
00:18:31thanks joe sergeant you saved my life
00:18:34i owe you one
00:18:36no you owe me
00:18:3850
00:18:4850
00:18:50mama mama can't you see mama mama can't you see
00:18:56drill sergeant lab made a man out of me
00:18:59drill sergeant lab made a man out of me
00:19:01and then i will obey the orders of the president of the united states
00:19:06and i will obey the orders of the president of the united states
00:19:10and the orders of the officers appointed over me
00:19:16according to regulations
00:19:20and the uniform code of military justice
00:19:26so help me god
00:19:27so help me god
00:19:29nice to meet you
00:19:31bye
00:19:31be good
00:19:32take care
00:19:33bye
00:19:35it's the uniforms man
00:19:38private conway
00:19:43never thought i'd say this but i think i've done the impossible i've turned you into soldiers
00:19:48thank you drill sergeant carry on
00:20:01uh is this uh unit 341
00:20:04that's us soldier hey bones conway here this is my partner jack hi christine nice to meet you look like
00:20:10we'll be working together christine a la g.i jane right what brings a pretty
00:20:16little lady like you to water pier
00:20:18i wanted infantry but until they ask that crap about women not being allowed in combat
00:20:23i'll just have to settle for kicking your little butt
00:20:27that would be nice
00:20:30heisty one huh
00:20:31like that
00:20:32i like that
00:20:34shut up
00:20:39i'm gonna have to kill your friend
00:20:41hey bones conway
00:20:43hey uh fred ostrov good to meet you
00:20:46you okay fred oh man i'm fine yeah
00:20:49thanks thank you
00:20:52so uh what do you do when you don't purify water
00:20:55well i'm going into my uh final year of dental school
00:20:59wow and then now that is great no it's not why did you know that dentists are more feared
00:21:07and loathed than any other profession that's including lawyers no see i don't think people hate
00:21:11dentists it's just the sound of that drill yeah and then they stick that sucking thing in the
00:21:17backyard like that and the nurse says oh yeah that and then they jam those cardboard x-ray things and
00:21:24then they and you know when there's you have a cabinet and they do that little pointy thing
00:21:29and then yeah hey hey right the nurse leaves and she goes to lunch and she dances out there right
00:21:37meanwhile there is a lead apron right on the thing and you're sitting there like
00:21:44inside
00:21:48see see that's what i'm talking about if you don't want to talk about it it's okay
00:21:52oh no no no it's good we should talk about it because my therapist uh said that i need to
00:21:56get
00:21:57it out kind of like an emotional enema so we talked about it and uh said why not join the
00:22:03army
00:22:03reserve be all that you can be on the weekends maybe it helped me to face those things in my
00:22:12life
00:22:12that i'm most afraid of and what are you afraid of uh well i'd have to say uh damn near
00:22:20everything
00:22:21floss hey keep it good morning purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military
00:22:35it is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out
00:22:46two soldiers must man the hose at all times this is for your own safety people okay never lose
00:22:55control of your home
00:23:05after careful training you will be able to produce potable water from the most disgusting swampy
00:23:11parasite infected diseased water guys look it's our first glass of purified water all right
00:23:22go for it man try it nah i'm not gonna try hey you try it i'm not gonna try it
00:23:29we should get christine
00:23:31yeah yeah she'll taste anything
00:23:37i'm not gonna try it let's get freddy okay oh freddy
00:23:43no no thanks i'm allergic it'll make me break out well then who's gonna try it
00:24:08who's the leader of this outfit he is
00:24:13son i've been doing this for a long time and i gotta say this is the best damn glass of
00:24:19purified
00:24:20water i ever had congratulations you keep this up and i'll be putting you in for private first class
00:24:26thank you sergeant but i could not have done it without the inspirational guidance
00:24:31of my brother the poor man
00:24:40right back honey excuse me gonna go freshen up
00:24:50you're not gonna
00:24:57he's gonna talk a little bit إ
00:24:57yeah
00:25:06yeah
00:25:07good
00:25:07yeah
00:25:24yeah
00:25:25okay
00:25:25yeah
00:25:25yeah
00:25:25you
00:25:49You
00:25:49Wait wait hold it here a second. Let's pay we're in the middle of the party here. You know your
00:25:53friends might come in that because
00:25:55I don't think so. I think it's very rude if we stay away more than a couple of minutes. Two
00:26:00minutes. That's perfect. We'll have time to cuddle afterwards.
00:26:06Hold that thought. Somebody better be dead. Hello. This is an official message. I saw a flock of wild geese
00:26:17migrating south.
00:26:19I say again. The geese are migrating south. Yeah well uh my goose is about to lay a golden egg.
00:26:26So you're gonna have to cruise the south solo. Okay have a nice flight.
00:26:31Who was it? Someone who's into birds.
00:26:33What?
00:26:33I don't know here.
00:26:34Uh uh.
00:26:40Look you saw the goose. I'm the walrus and tall is dead. And I'm trying to bury my beak here.
00:26:45So give it a rest. All right. That's it.
00:27:01Jack. Get the phone. Who is it?
00:27:04It's a freak going on about wild geese migrating.
00:27:07Phone.
00:27:12What is it?
00:27:14Just keep going. Don't. Don't.
00:27:16Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South.
00:27:21Yes. Yes. Yes.
00:27:23What?
00:27:25You guys don't you remember?
00:27:28About the code?
00:27:29So that if we got called up for active duty then we would know that it was for real.
00:27:33It's gotta be a mistake.
00:27:35It's gotta be Chad.
00:27:36Hello mama?
00:27:37Hello? It's Frederick.
00:27:40Uh. You sitting down?
00:27:42Chad is in the African country. The one that Libby's about to invade.
00:27:45Uh. Turn off the music.
00:27:50You remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:54Bones. Why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No. It's because Chad is in a desert.
00:28:02And water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war.
00:28:08And there's a desert war and we're going!
00:28:12That's it Bones. I'm gonna kill you.
00:28:14Well go ahead and you gotta relax here. Okay? I'm gonna get us out of this one.
00:28:19Trust me.
00:28:30At ease.
00:28:32Sir, I know we're going to Chad, but there's something that you need to know about Jack and I before
00:28:38we go, sir.
00:28:38Yes?
00:28:41Uh. Uh. Uh. Bones and I are very close. Uh. Friends.
00:28:47Very.
00:28:48Oh. I see.
00:28:51In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad.
00:28:57I'm sorry to disappoint you, sir.
00:29:03Uh. Just one thing.
00:29:08Anything.
00:29:10Kiss him.
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend. You don't have a problem with that, now do you?
00:29:20Oh, no.
00:29:22He kisses me every day.
00:29:28Oh, no.
00:29:41Just do it.
00:29:49Shit.
00:29:50Is it hot in Chad?
00:29:52As the Libyan raids against U.N. forces near the border continue, this U.S. force is being
00:29:58ready to deter the invasion threatened by the Libyan leader in his television broadcast last
00:30:04night. And as the build-up here continues, the first Army Reserve units arrive here today.
00:30:09These units will aid in the supply and logistical support of the growing U.S. presence here.
00:30:14These troops are in high spirits, and the morale is high, and their hopes are high.
00:30:19And this mission will remain a peaceful.
00:30:22Reporting live from Chad for World Wide News Report, this is Stu Krieger.
00:30:43I am First Sergeant Brandon T. Williams.
00:30:46It is my intention to run this company like a clock.
00:30:50If one gear slips in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:54If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:58First Sergeant Williams likes his clock to tell the right time.
00:31:00Do you understand me?
00:31:02Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:04What did he just say?
00:31:05I don't know, something about his clock being broken.
00:31:10Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
00:31:12Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:15I mean, no, Sergeant.
00:31:17Don't you know I'm your First Sergeant?
00:31:21Well, actually, I wish you were my First Sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already.
00:31:27Drop!
00:31:28And give me push-ups!
00:31:29You will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me as First Sergeant.
00:31:33Is that clear?
00:31:34Yes, First Sergeant!
00:31:36Call!
00:31:36One for Sergeant, two for Sergeant, three for Sergeant, four for Sergeant, five for Sergeant, six for Sergeant, seven for
00:31:45Sergeant, eight for Sergeant, nine for Sergeant, ten for Sergeant, eleven for Sergeant, twelve for Sergeant, thirteen for Sergeant, fourteen
00:31:56for Sergeant, fourteen for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-three for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one
00:32:01hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant,
00:32:01one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for
00:32:01Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four
00:32:01for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty
00:32:02-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and
00:32:02twenty-four for Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four for Sergeant
00:32:06when you were in basic training, didn't you?
00:32:07Yes, first sergeant.
00:32:09Well, you just did your last push-up, soldier.
00:32:11I will never ask you to do another.
00:32:12Thank you, first sergeant.
00:32:14You just graduated peeling potatoes.
00:32:176,543, first sergeant.
00:32:216,544, first sergeant.
00:32:24First sergeant.
00:32:256,50...
00:32:27Five!
00:32:296,001...
00:32:31600,000, 50, 452, first sergeant.
00:32:34Cut.
00:32:35Shit, I lost count.
00:32:37We got it, we got it, we got it!
00:32:39Look!
00:32:42That's my butt.
00:32:43I couldn't help it.
00:32:44I was just trying to figure you guys get...
00:32:47Oh, my...
00:32:48Stop it!
00:32:49Okay, good job.
00:32:53Oh, my God.
00:32:55Oh, look.
00:32:59Hey, it's the sunroof.
00:33:20Oh, look.
00:33:22Gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag.
00:33:26Oh.
00:33:26Yeah.
00:33:28Dear Bones, by the time you read this, I will already be...
00:33:33Well, I will already be in Milan with Guido.
00:33:39Oh, she dumped you.
00:33:42Sorry, Bones.
00:33:43I must say, though, this guy sounds really nice.
00:33:45He's got a villa right on the Adriatic Sea.
00:33:47Jack, don't rub it in.
00:33:48No, no, you're better off.
00:33:50She's a horrible speller.
00:33:52There's only one S in loser.
00:33:54Look at that.
00:33:54And immature-ish?
00:33:55I don't even think that's a word.
00:33:57Gabriella.
00:33:59She broke my heart.
00:34:01Sorry.
00:34:02Well, fortunately, I'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long.
00:34:06Oh, would you mind turning the light off, please, Jack?
00:34:12Oh, yeah.
00:34:13Fred, you checked your bag for scorpions, right?
00:34:17Scorpions?
00:34:18He's messing with you, Fred.
00:34:20No, I'm not.
00:34:22Chad is the scorpion capital of the world.
00:34:25Yep, Fred.
00:34:25They're big ones, too, about as big as my fist.
00:34:28They outnumber people two to one.
00:34:30And that margin grows with every sting.
00:34:34So have a good sleep, Fred.
00:34:36Good night, everybody.
00:34:37Good night, Bones.
00:34:38Good night, Sue Allen.
00:34:40Good night, John, boy.
00:34:42Scorpions.
00:34:45All right.
00:35:13We're just trying to help you get over your fears, Fred, really.
00:35:16Fred, don't worry about it. You come and sleep with me.
00:35:18Yeah, well, I'd rather take my chances with a scorpion. Thank you.
00:35:25God, I hate this.
00:35:27It's not that bad. It's like camp.
00:35:32John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith
00:35:35That's my name, too
00:35:38Whenever we go out
00:35:39There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith
00:35:44John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith
00:35:49That's my name, too
00:35:53Shut up!
00:36:24Don't eat the chicken
00:36:25And it tastes just like frog
00:36:36Ready, go
00:36:41Who is that?
00:36:44Special forces
00:36:4914.11 seconds
00:36:51Damn!
00:36:52Try it again
00:36:53Go
00:36:55He's incredible
00:36:57Time me
00:37:00All right
00:37:04Go
00:37:12Well, that is not good
00:37:17What happened?
00:37:18That is not good
00:37:26Oh, great
00:37:28He's coming over
00:37:29Just don't look at him
00:37:32You lose something?
00:37:35Yeah, thanks
00:37:38Put it in my lasagna
00:37:40You better call 911
00:37:41Get an ambulance
00:37:42Find a doctor
00:37:43Order a toe tag
00:37:43Because I'm going to tear off your head
00:37:44And spit down your neck
00:37:45Do you understand me, boy?
00:37:48Ah!
00:37:49Hey, hey
00:37:52You have to relax a little
00:37:54Take it easy
00:37:56We're in the middle of a war
00:37:57And we're on the same side
00:38:00Yeah, dude
00:38:03Would America
00:38:05Have won the Civil War
00:38:08If Benjamin Franklin
00:38:09Did not get along
00:38:10With Eleanor Roosevelt
00:38:11Right on
00:38:12A little knowledge
00:38:13A little knowledge
00:38:15To partay
00:38:17Go ahead, man
00:38:18If our soldiers
00:38:20Our American soldiers
00:38:22Acted like this
00:38:23In Desert Storm
00:38:26Sodom the same
00:38:26Would still be running Iraq
00:38:29What?
00:38:35So maybe we're a bunch
00:38:36A bunch of reservists
00:38:37Fresh off the plane, right?
00:38:38It's obvious
00:38:40But you regular guys
00:38:41You've been here so long
00:38:42That your brains are fried
00:38:45So I guess
00:38:46What I'm really trying to say is
00:38:48Come on, genius
00:38:49That doesn't mean
00:38:52We all can't be friends
00:38:55Please
00:38:56There's only one problem
00:38:57With you newbies, O
00:38:58You don't eat enough
00:39:01No, that's
00:39:03What?
00:39:04Watch it, son
00:39:17As you were
00:39:27Son
00:39:29I bet the mess sergeant
00:39:30Could use a volunteer
00:39:31To peel potatoes
00:39:33Yes, sir
00:39:34Can I count on you?
00:39:36Yes, sir
00:39:37Carry on
00:39:40I happen to know
00:39:41On this base
00:39:41There's not one
00:39:42Unpeeled potato
00:39:58I heard the Libyans
00:40:00Are already backing down
00:40:00And we're going to be
00:40:01Out of here in two weeks
00:40:02Yeah
00:40:03Well, I hear
00:40:04They're sending
00:40:0420,000 more troops
00:40:05And we're going to be here
00:40:06Till Christmas
00:40:07Wait, wait, wait
00:40:09Wait
00:40:09Where you going?
00:40:13Sound like I got bad breath
00:40:20Help
00:40:22Until they comply with you
00:40:24In resolution 991
00:40:26I don't think anybody's
00:40:27Going anywhere
00:40:28Oh, you're amazing, Christine
00:40:30How do you keep up
00:40:32With all that stuff?
00:40:36Christine?
00:40:38Christine?
00:40:42All right
00:40:43Quit screwing around
00:40:46Chris
00:40:47Send some water
00:40:49With this mud
00:40:56Chris
00:41:02Jack
00:41:08Fred
00:41:13How does it feel
00:41:14To be dead, motor boy?
00:41:18I don't know
00:41:19How does it feel
00:41:19To be a dick
00:41:20Dick
00:41:29Damn it
00:41:30Where's my water?
00:41:31There was none
00:41:32Delivered last night
00:41:33First sergeant
00:41:37God damn
00:41:38Piece of shit
00:41:39Newbies
00:41:39How am I going to run
00:41:40A decent HQ
00:41:41Without my coffee?
00:41:48That is truly
00:41:49A pathetic sight
00:41:51Who perpetrated this?
00:42:06Who did this to you?
00:42:08I can't tell you
00:42:09First sergeant
00:42:09What?
00:42:10You have too much honor?
00:42:12Oh
00:42:14I've been threatened
00:42:15With death
00:42:16Untie these clowns
00:42:17And give me some water
00:42:19Ow
00:42:27I have an announcement
00:42:29Do you guys want your water?
00:42:31Because you're looking
00:42:31A little bit crispy
00:42:32You better what?
00:42:33Oh, I know, I know, I know
00:42:34Tell me if this is right
00:42:35I better call 976
00:42:38Find a doctor
00:42:39And tag an ambulance
00:42:40Because you're going to
00:42:40Tear off my toe
00:42:41And spit down my head
00:42:42Right?
00:42:43Do you guys want your water
00:42:44Or not?
00:42:45Sergeant
00:42:47Report to Captain Roberts
00:42:48You've got a mission
00:42:50Water boys
00:42:53Report to 1st Sergeant Williams
00:42:54You've got a mission too
00:42:55Listen up
00:42:57Captain Denby says
00:42:59We're going to resupply
00:43:00The forward UN peacekeeping base
00:43:02This is a very simple
00:43:04Routine mission
00:43:05You will fall into line
00:43:07In the very large
00:43:08Very prepared convoy
00:43:09All you have to do
00:43:11Is follow the truck
00:43:12In front of you
00:43:13When your troops get thirsty
00:43:15You will give them water
00:43:16Conway, you look confused
00:43:17Are you sure you want
00:43:18To send us to a forward area
00:43:20We're just water boys
00:43:21You are soldiers
00:43:23You will get in that convoy
00:43:24And you will be a credit
00:43:25To the United States Army
00:43:26Is that clear?
00:43:28Yes, 1st Sergeant
00:43:29Then muscle your lollygagging bus
00:43:30We're getting taken
00:43:30Move out
00:43:31Yes, 1st Sergeant
00:43:32Yes, 1st Sergeant
00:44:01Damn it
00:44:02Forget it
00:44:03They're going to send a tow truck
00:44:08Man, what I wouldn't do
00:44:09For a double meat
00:44:10Chili cheeseburger
00:44:12Right now
00:44:13No
00:44:13A margarita on the rocks
00:44:18Or some fresh buttery
00:44:20Jiffy pop
00:44:21That's not popcorn boys
00:44:24That convoy's under attack
00:44:29Really?
00:44:30I don't think so
00:44:35Maniac shooting at us
00:44:36Maniac, it's the enemy
00:44:38What the hell are you doing?
00:44:39Surrendering
00:44:40Don't shoot
00:44:41You're ready
00:44:45Whoa
00:44:47Whoa
00:44:52Steel
00:44:56Nice going, Christine
00:44:58Did you have to shoot so close, huh?
00:45:00You scared the shit out of me
00:45:02Well, excuse me for living
00:45:03I was just trying to save your worthless little life
00:45:05Christine
00:45:06Are you aware that after a near-death experience
00:45:09The answer's often a desire to have sex
00:45:11Yeah, Jack
00:45:12That's right
00:45:13I feel it
00:45:14All right
00:45:17Just not with you
00:45:18Ever
00:45:20Got it?
00:45:21Yeah
00:45:21Got it
00:45:23I'm glad we could have this little talk
00:45:25I didn't feel anything
00:45:27You guys, let's get out of here
00:45:29The truck's on fire
00:45:47Day long
00:45:49It's gonna
00:45:56Explode
00:45:58We're found
00:46:03Hello
00:46:11Now, rickety-tick
00:46:12You're mustering
00:46:13Lollygagging
00:46:14Let's lollygagging
00:46:15Out of here
00:46:27Isn't the road
00:46:28That way?
00:46:29Taking the shortcut
00:46:30Is there one?
00:46:31Uh-huh
00:46:32The road curves around like this
00:46:34All we gotta do
00:46:35Is cut the desert here
00:46:37And catch up the convoy over there
00:46:39Watch out
00:46:39Come on
00:46:40I think I know what I'm doing here
00:46:42I guess this is the wrong time
00:46:44To tell you guys
00:46:44I get very easily car-sinked
00:47:02Bones
00:47:02I don't see a road
00:47:04I have the best sense of direction of anyone you know
00:47:08The road's over there
00:47:09Three miles
00:47:11Maybe four
00:47:12Oh, yeah
00:47:13Maybe ten
00:47:14Maybe twenty
00:47:17Maybe our truck is sinking
00:47:21No
00:47:39Push
00:47:39Hey, forget it, okay
00:47:43Just shut it down
00:47:44We'll kick it out
00:47:45Now stand back
00:47:46Stand back
00:47:46I'm gonna rock it
00:47:53You're quitting
00:47:54It's not working
00:47:56You're sucking too much sand
00:47:58Into the air filter
00:47:58I order you
00:48:00To shut it down now
00:48:02You order me?
00:48:04Yeah, but I'm private first class
00:48:06Okay?
00:48:06I'm ordering you
00:48:07Come on
00:48:08The only reason
00:48:09The only reason you made private first class
00:48:12Is because your brother's a poor man
00:48:20Huh?
00:48:21You happy?
00:48:22You're happy?
00:48:26Yeah, well I hope you brought your triple A cards
00:48:29Let's see
00:48:30Let's see
00:48:36Well, look, you cracked the block
00:48:38I could have done it if you hadn't stopped me
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it
00:48:42You know what?
00:48:43Shut up!
00:48:44We gotta figure out what we're gonna do
00:48:46Well, then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here
00:48:49Private first class bones
00:48:51The one with the highest rank
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack
00:48:53Was just listen to me
00:48:55Okay?
00:48:55I was trying to
00:48:56All I've ever done is listen to you
00:48:57And look where it's taken me
00:48:58Look!
00:49:00We're in the middle of some African hellhole
00:49:02Under a flesh-frying sun
00:49:04With the sky filled with vultures
00:49:06Ready to pluck out my eyeballs
00:49:09Vultures don't come around
00:49:11Unless something's about to die
00:49:29Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow
00:49:37Tomorrow, we have to walk away from this water truck
00:49:39We have two canteens between us
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water
00:49:44And then we have more water
00:49:45Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:54There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:56That's enough!
00:49:57There's not a scorpion on your back!
00:50:01Uh-uh
00:50:01There is a scorpion on my back!
00:50:04Frank!
00:50:05There's nothing on your back!
00:50:06You keep on imagining things!
00:50:11Thank you
00:50:13I needed that
00:50:14No, I'm...
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped
00:50:17Look, you don't have to apologize
00:50:20You're right!
00:50:22I see things very clear now
00:50:24All right
00:50:25Hey, Brad
00:50:26Look, guys, I want to apologize to everybody
00:50:28He's okay?
00:50:29He's okay
00:50:30I feel like a brand new man
00:50:31All right
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay
00:50:33Thank you
00:50:34Okay
00:50:44What are you doing?
00:50:47Just felt like...
00:50:50He's always playing
00:50:52Did you guys see that thing?
00:50:54It wasn't...
00:51:04Follow me
00:51:05I know exactly where I'm going
00:51:09Trust me
00:51:35You guys, get down
00:51:36I see something
00:51:37Get down
00:51:49It's a truck
00:51:50There's the road
00:51:50We are safe
00:51:52I told you I had a flawless sense of direction
00:51:56What a coincidence
00:51:58That truck looks...
00:52:00That looks like our truck
00:52:08Hey, listen, you guys
00:52:10Hey
00:52:10I figured out why we went in circles
00:52:13Do you remember our map reading class?
00:52:16We didn't follow the sun
00:52:21Look
00:52:23This stream
00:52:23Is due west
00:52:25All we have to do
00:52:27Is walk away from the sun in the morning
00:52:28And towards the sun in the afternoon
00:52:30We should be there by nightfall
00:52:32So you're saying
00:52:33We should risk being dried up
00:52:35Into human jerky again
00:52:37Just to follow another one
00:52:38Of your half-baked plans
00:52:40I'm not saying anything, okay?
00:52:42I mean, I'm pretty sure
00:52:42This is gonna work
00:52:43But since I let us down before
00:52:45I say from here on in
00:52:47We put everything to a vote
00:52:49We can't vote
00:52:51You order
00:52:52We follow
00:52:53Okay, why order us to vote?
00:52:55That is not how the army goes
00:52:57You have to tell us what to do
00:53:00Well, what if I'm wrong?
00:53:02Then
00:53:04We die
00:53:10I order us
00:53:13To do a sunbaked
00:53:15Plan thing
00:53:17We're dead
00:53:21Hey, guys
00:53:22Just think of it as a
00:53:24Very long day
00:53:26On a very big beach
00:53:28And a very dry year
00:53:50Wait a minute
00:53:51It's the ocean
00:53:53I don't see anything
00:53:54What are you, blind?
00:53:56The waves
00:53:57It's the ocean
00:53:58It's a mirage
00:54:01It is a mirage
00:54:03And there's Caesars
00:54:04And right across the street
00:54:05Is the Barbary Coast
00:54:07So you can get a
00:54:07$3.99 buffet
00:54:09And it's the ocean
00:54:11Come on
00:54:12Come on
00:54:14Go
00:54:16Come on
00:54:17We're running
00:54:20Come on
00:54:34Here's the canteen
00:54:35Go get your boy
00:54:36Because he's bugging
00:54:51You okay, man
00:54:52You okay?
00:54:54Here
00:54:54Take a sip
00:54:57Listen
00:54:59Look, Jack
00:55:00We got two choices
00:55:01One
00:55:02We can put your clothes back on
00:55:04We can get ourselves out of this mess
00:55:05Go back to Glendale
00:55:06Start up our own store
00:55:07Become rich and famous
00:55:09Or two
00:55:11You can lie here butt naked
00:55:12And crushed away
00:55:13Leaving your skull to be found
00:55:14By a young Arabic prince
00:55:16That's gonna use it for an ashtray
00:55:21You don't want that
00:55:22In your head
00:55:23You make the call
00:55:25Come on
00:55:25Let's get out of here
00:55:27What do you say?
00:55:28Come on
00:55:29Here
00:55:31Here
00:55:31Here
00:55:32Here
00:55:33Here
00:55:33Here
00:55:34Here
00:55:35Come on
00:55:36Come on
00:55:37Here
00:55:37Come on
00:55:39Here
00:55:41Hey
00:55:42Oh
00:55:43Oh
00:55:44Jack
00:55:44Look at that ass
00:55:45Maybe he should stay naked
00:55:47Get some sun on those cheeks
00:55:57What?
00:55:58Oh, man
00:55:59Man, now I'm seeing things
00:56:00The palm tree's right on the horizon
00:56:02Oh, it's another mirage
00:56:04Oh, my God
00:56:06I see it, too
00:56:06It's not a mirage
00:56:08Those are the palm trees
00:56:10It's the oasis
00:56:12Oh, man
00:56:13You saved our life
00:56:20Where's my kiss?
00:56:23Christine
00:56:29The street was due west, right?
00:56:33It was on the map, right?
00:56:35Where's the water?
00:56:39This is sand
00:56:47Nobody move
00:56:50There is a big snake
00:56:52Right by your feet
00:56:55No
00:56:57Thanks for not moving, Jack
00:57:01Throw me the gun
00:57:04If you don't attack it
00:57:06It'll go away
00:57:07I don't want it to go away
00:57:09I want to have it for dinner
00:57:10Throw me
00:57:11The gun
00:57:17Ah!
00:57:18Ah!
00:57:20Ah!
00:57:22Ah!
00:57:24You want some of this, baby, huh?
00:57:26There you go
00:57:27Come on
00:57:28Oh, oh
00:57:29Oh, no
00:57:31I'm still gonna get ya
00:57:36Let's die for me
00:57:37I'll kill ya
00:57:38Ah!
00:57:41Huh?
00:57:43Shoulda buta da da da da da
00:57:50Huh?
00:57:52It's a win-win situation
00:57:57Will you look at that?
00:57:59Water from the bullet hole
00:58:05Water!
00:58:06Ah!
00:58:07Water!
00:58:08Water!
00:58:10Fresh water!
00:58:11I can't believe it!
00:58:13Water!
00:58:14Is it snake yet?
00:58:16Depends how you like it
00:58:18Well done
00:58:19Used to be afraid of scorpions
00:58:22Now he's eating snake
00:58:23That is impressive for him
00:58:26Hmm
00:58:27I thought we were all gonna die
00:58:30But you pulled us through
00:58:32I don't know how
00:58:35But thank you
00:58:47That was, uh
00:58:50Pretty exceptional
00:58:53So what are you gonna do
00:58:54If I get us rescued
00:58:58Um
00:59:00I will
00:59:02Take off all your clothes
00:59:06Tie you to the bed
00:59:11Rub warm oil
00:59:12All over your body
00:59:14From the bottom of those feet
00:59:17To the top of that head
00:59:19And proceed
00:59:21To have the nastiest
00:59:24Freakiest sex with you
00:59:25That you have ever imagined
00:59:30Oh, that's it
00:59:31Damn it!
00:59:32I saw her first
00:59:33And look what happens
00:59:35Same thing that happened
00:59:36With Gabriella
00:59:37I saw her first
00:59:39And-and-and Wanda Tushman
00:59:40In the third grade
00:59:41I saw her first
00:59:42And that girl
00:59:43In Palm Springs
00:59:44It turned out to be the guy
00:59:45I saw that thing
00:59:46First too
00:59:47You know
00:59:47Why I'm not just
00:59:49Strangling you right now
00:59:51Cause you can't cook a snake
00:59:53No
00:59:55Because no matter
00:59:56How long
00:59:56We've been friends
00:59:57I never thought
00:59:59You'd be the kind of guy
01:00:00That would
01:00:01Save our lives
01:00:02Let alone kill a snake
01:00:05But you did
01:00:06Oh, hey, man
01:00:07Thanks
01:00:07Yeah
01:00:09I-I think it's the U.N. flag
01:00:11We're safe
01:00:14Guys, Christine and I
01:00:16Are gonna need some time alone
01:00:17Sure, man
01:00:18I'm gonna take him
01:00:20I don't want to see
01:00:22The president
01:00:23In the situation room
01:00:24Of the White House today
01:00:25And the president
01:00:26Is scheduled to address
01:00:28The nation tomorrow
01:00:28At 6 p.m.
01:00:30Eastern Standard Time
01:00:31We will of course
01:00:32Bring that to you live
01:00:33You are the reservist
01:00:34From Glendale, California
01:00:35Correct?
01:00:36This all fuels
01:00:37According to WNR
01:00:39You are presumed dead
01:00:40In a truck explosion
01:00:41Um
01:00:42Where are we?
01:00:45You're on a military base
01:00:46Well inside Libya
01:00:48That is all you need to know
01:00:50Oh
01:00:50I forgot to mention
01:00:53The war is starting tomorrow
01:00:55How'd you know that?
01:00:56American TV
01:00:59Your country is expected
01:01:00To start bombing
01:01:01Our air bases tomorrow
01:01:02And when that happens
01:01:04We will unleash missiles
01:01:06With chemical warheads
01:01:07Against your bases
01:01:08Consider yourself lucky
01:01:10To be here
01:01:10Sleep well
01:01:13You know
01:01:15This is fine
01:01:16It's like the time
01:01:17You got us arrested
01:01:18To you
01:01:18Except for in Libya
01:01:20And your dad's not gonna
01:01:22Pick us up here
01:01:23Brother
01:01:25Yo it's
01:01:26You guys also American?
01:01:32Oh
01:01:32See I see
01:01:34I was wounded
01:01:34And I don't feel well
01:01:36Please sing a song
01:01:37To comfort me
01:01:38Sing a song?
01:01:39Any song
01:01:41Oh
01:01:42Because I think
01:01:43I'm sitting there
01:01:44Oh
01:01:44Okay
01:01:46Rescue me
01:01:47Sing
01:01:48Uh-huh
01:01:49What?
01:01:50I want your tender
01:01:51Sounds close
01:01:52I don't know
01:01:55My team was on strategic recon
01:01:57Huh?
01:01:59You know
01:01:59That's when you go behind enemy lines
01:02:01And you try to
01:02:02Locate their assets
01:02:03Like tanks and bunkers
01:02:04We were on our way
01:02:05To a resupply drop
01:02:06But me who I am rushed
01:02:07The other guys were killed
01:02:08Killed?
01:02:10I died
01:02:12Can't you see
01:02:13That's what I love
01:02:14Took a bullet in the leg
01:02:15And they brought me here
01:02:16Uh-huh
01:02:17I don't know
01:02:18Any words to this song
01:02:20Kiss me, baby
01:02:21Kiss me, baby
01:02:22Kiss me, baby
01:02:23Yeah
01:02:24Hold me, baby
01:02:25Hold me, baby
01:02:26Hold me, baby
01:02:26Hold me, baby
01:02:26Use this
01:02:27To dig around the base
01:02:29Of the bars
01:02:29On the window
01:02:30I got one of them
01:02:31Who saw a living
01:02:32You couldn't escape?
01:02:33What are you, crazy?
01:02:38Look
01:02:39It's the duty of every POW
01:02:40To try and escape
01:02:41We're in the middle of a desert
01:02:42What good is it gonna do
01:02:43For us to escape?
01:02:44To complete the recon mission, soldier
01:02:46A special operations cargo plane
01:02:48Was instructed to make a
01:02:49Supply drop at a rendezvous point
01:02:51About 15k north here
01:02:53If we can get off this base
01:02:54I can get us to the rendezvous
01:02:56You're insane, okay
01:02:57The Libyans are gonna launch
01:02:58Chemical weapons
01:02:59We're much safer here
01:03:00No, I'm a soldier
01:03:01And I got a job to do
01:03:02And so are you
01:03:04Now get to work
01:03:07It's private
01:03:07I'm lonely
01:03:11Rescue me
01:03:12Good morning, baby
01:03:24Bye
01:03:28My heart
01:03:30You know what?
01:03:31You didn't scare me
01:03:33I just fell like screaming
01:03:34Don't worry about it
01:03:35Most men think I'm scary
01:03:40So you can't sleep, huh?
01:03:42I'm too excited
01:03:43Excited?
01:03:44They might torture us
01:03:46Tomorrow
01:03:46They might even kill us
01:03:47I know
01:03:48It's just like the night
01:03:49Before Christmas
01:03:50Yeah, well at my house
01:03:52We got presents
01:03:52I'm talking about
01:03:55I'm talking about
01:03:55The anticipation
01:03:57We might die
01:03:59We might escape it
01:04:01We don't know what's gonna happen
01:04:02That's the coolest thing
01:04:03In the whole world
01:04:04Most girls are into horses
01:04:06And stuff
01:04:07You're weird
01:04:11Most men say that too
01:04:14I like it
01:04:17You do
01:04:20Yeah
01:04:21Horses are boring
01:04:30So
01:04:31If I do get us out of here
01:04:33And I will
01:04:35Is it true what you said
01:04:36About tying me up
01:04:37And all that wild, sick stuff?
01:04:40I'll have you kiss me again
01:04:44Okay
01:04:47I can't worry
01:04:49I think I got it
01:04:52Wait, look
01:04:53You got it?
01:04:54Yeah, look
01:04:55Look
01:04:56Oh!
01:04:57Oh!
01:05:02Stern!
01:05:02Stern!
01:05:04You gotta wake up
01:05:05I can't turn the alarm off
01:05:06It's not an alarm
01:05:07It's an air raid silence
01:05:08Oh, thank God
01:05:11I thought I was having another panic attack
01:05:18Oh, thank God
01:05:22I thought I was having another panic attack
01:05:28Oh, it's OK
01:05:29Oh, it's OK
01:05:34It's OK
01:05:35Oh, it's OK
01:05:36Oh, it's OK
01:05:37Oh, it's OK
01:05:53Yes.
01:05:58Almost.
01:06:00Try again.
01:06:02Okay, Cush.
01:06:09That was good.
01:06:09Just a little more to the left.
01:06:11We got him.
01:06:13Yeah, you guys just keep trying.
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog.
01:06:22Right?
01:06:23And then we can go...
01:06:25Why?
01:06:25Just try it again.
01:06:57How much do you love me?
01:07:09I'm sorry.
01:07:10I don't get it.
01:07:10What is it with us and trucks?
01:07:12I mean, we get them.
01:07:13We break them.
01:07:13We smash them.
01:07:14We crash them.
01:07:15We run out of gas.
01:07:15I don't get it.
01:07:16Yes, yes, yes.
01:07:17I understand that.
01:07:18But we're not getting tortured by Baba Gadoosh right now, okay?
01:07:21No.
01:07:22Instead, we're lost in the desert.
01:07:24Again.
01:07:25Without food and water.
01:07:26Again.
01:07:27Stuck with this special forces guy.
01:07:30He can't even walk because he got his legs shot off.
01:07:32Fred, we're free.
01:07:33Damn, we're gonna die free.
01:07:35Or maybe not.
01:07:4455 American dollars.
01:07:47And then on top of it, see this, Chuck?
01:07:51Serious bona fide Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:54And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:57And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a Koi track.
01:08:00You can play abu-da-ba-da-ba-da stuff on it.
01:08:04Huh?
01:08:05And you ask me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal?
01:08:08Because we're crazy, boys.
01:08:11We're giving it away.
01:08:21You like this watch?
01:08:23Is it interesting?
01:08:24No, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25Not the watch.
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and the compass.
01:08:31What?
01:08:32This has a compass?
01:08:34Yeah.
01:08:34Really?
01:08:35Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days and you're telling me this watch
01:08:38has a compass.
01:08:39Sorry.
01:08:40Ooh, Jack.
01:08:41Ooh, you're gonna get some noogies later.
01:08:43I'm gonna just pound you like this.
01:08:45I forgot.
01:08:46Yeah, well, uh...
01:08:46About the compass.
01:08:47Well, you're gonna forget about your little watch here, Jack, because it's gone.
01:08:51Uh-huh.
01:08:52Here you go, my friend.
01:08:54Hey, you guys, in my life I've seen a lot of camel's toes, but I've never seen one in
01:09:01a camel.
01:09:03I think he's got a crush on you, Bones.
01:09:06Really?
01:09:06How can you tell?
01:09:08Because he's been nibbling on your ears.
01:09:11Yeah?
01:09:12And licking on your neck.
01:09:14It's okay.
01:09:16You're just a camel.
01:09:20Our supply drop's on the other side of that Libyan base.
01:09:24What Libyan base?
01:09:25Pones, are you blind?
01:09:27It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent.
01:09:29What are you talking about?
01:09:31I guess we're gonna have to go around it.
01:09:34Around what?
01:09:35See that jeep right there?
01:09:36Mm-hmm, I see the jeep.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38But I certainly don't...
01:09:41Oh, you mean that Libyan base, the one under the camo tent.
01:09:46I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base.
01:09:50Will there be medical supplies?
01:09:51Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio, everything you need.
01:09:56Yeah, but where is it?
01:09:57It's supposed to be right here.
01:10:00Hey, you guys!
01:10:01Come on!
01:10:04Hey!
01:10:05Come on, you guys!
01:10:06What is it?
01:10:06Come on!
01:10:07Oh!
01:10:08Oh!
01:10:10Oh!
01:10:11Oh!
01:10:12Oh!
01:10:12Oh!
01:10:13Oh!
01:10:15Oh, yay!
01:10:16Yeah!
01:10:20Yeah!
01:10:21Yeah!
01:10:23Yeah!
01:10:24Good point!
01:10:27Hot wheels!
01:10:36Ah.
01:10:42Stern!
01:10:43Sir, these things are intense. No wonder people joined the army.
01:10:47Be all that you can be in the army.
01:10:52What happened to him?
01:10:54His leg looks pretty bad. I think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood.
01:10:58But look at his gums. They're fabulous, man. Not a touch of gingivitis. He's been flossing.
01:11:03Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's some morphine.
01:11:07Absolutely. The morphine better.
01:11:12Hello? Somebody answer us, please. You gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle. Please, just help us.
01:11:18Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
01:11:20Oh, thank God it's you.
01:11:22Listen.
01:11:22Don't say my name. What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:28Uh, something about your clock being broken?
01:11:31Close enough. Okay, calm down, son. We're gonna get you out of there.
01:11:35Now listen carefully. Your call sign is now Glendale. Our call sign is now Burbank.
01:11:43Did you recover the fast attack vehicles, Glendale?
01:11:45Oh, you mean those dune buggies. Yeah, those things are intense.
01:11:49Good. This equipment was intended for the special forces team to carry out a vital mission.
01:11:54You are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place.
01:12:00Say what?
01:12:01You have to take over, Glendale.
01:12:04Listen, let me explain something first of all, Sergeant. We're water boys.
01:12:08Okay, please.
01:12:09Your soldiers first, Glendale.
01:12:12Now, listen up. The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area.
01:12:18These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at US bases.
01:12:24Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them.
01:12:26You want us to find them? Well, what about Stern? Stern can find them. He'll be up pretty soon. Stern?
01:12:32Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class? Teacher says I'm a natural.
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage.
01:12:44Camouflage? Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning. Stern wrote down the coordinates, right, Stern?
01:12:52We'll tell you where it is. You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it.
01:12:56Come on, send the Air Force!
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us. You have to go back there and paint it.
01:13:02Paint it? Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is.
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser.
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment.
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base, point the laser at it, and call me back on
01:13:17the radio.
01:13:18The Air Force will do the rest. You can be a mile away in perfect safety.
01:13:24All right, wait a minute.
01:13:26Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here.
01:13:29They can't make us do anything. We don't know how to use this stuff.
01:13:32Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:35Uh-uh, I know what's going on. You're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No. My laser was a little itty-bitty laser. This is a big laser. There's a difference.
01:13:44Glendale! Glendale!
01:13:45No, no, no, no, no.
01:13:46Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies,
01:13:53pop the base with the laser, and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it!
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale!
01:13:57Please, hold yourself there. One second.
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends. Is that okay? Just have a cup of java. Please,
01:14:04chill.
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here, you were completely freaked, right?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:13And now look at you, huh? You're a regular G.I. Joe, a fighting man from head to toe.
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry. Well, now's your chance. Let's see what you got.
01:14:27And Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw-up.
01:14:31But now look at you. You're still a screw-up.
01:14:34But if you did this and you survived, you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids.
01:14:39Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago, we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from Glendale.
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives. You know who we owe it to? The army.
01:14:50This is something we gotta do. Come on. Go with it.
01:14:54Chris, I know you're with me.
01:14:57Yeah, boy.
01:14:59Fred, listen. If you can't handle it, I understand, man.
01:15:02I can handle it.
01:15:04Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:07Oh, I say, I say you're crazy. I think you're all nuts.
01:15:11But if you're the private first class, I'm the private. I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever.
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing. Kick it, man.
01:15:21Darren, you ready?
01:15:24Let's go, Bone.
01:15:24I know, I know. It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of.
01:15:33You're gonna have to go now.
01:15:36You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:49All right, troops!
01:15:53Let's go bust some scuds!
01:15:56Let's go bust some scuds!
01:16:23Let's go bust some scuds!
01:16:26Let's go bust some scuds!
01:16:31Let's go bust some scuds!
01:16:38Let's go bust some scuds!
01:16:47All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:50I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing. I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale. Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale. The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:18It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock. I can hold it here all day long. I'm good to
01:17:30go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good. Lay low. And report any change in situation. We'll be standing by. Out.
01:17:55Come on. Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store. Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14That's the way.
01:18:14Sorrow.
01:18:16In this way.
01:18:25Look out.
01:18:27Go.
01:18:27Go.
01:18:28Go!
01:18:31Go!
01:18:35Go!
01:18:36Go, go, go, go!
01:18:37Go!
01:18:38Hold your position, Glendale, and keep that laser on the target.
01:18:42On the target? We are the target!
01:18:47Tell him to hurry up!
01:18:48You better hurry. We got 60 pissed-off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it. Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here. Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of here.
01:19:03All right. This is for the Glendale Waterboy.
01:19:09Let's get out of here.
01:19:14Let's go.
01:19:16Let's go.
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:20Woo!
01:19:21Woo!
01:19:23Woo!
01:19:24Woo!
01:19:26Woo!
01:19:34Woo! Woo!
01:19:41Reload.
01:19:42No, no, no.
01:19:50Oh, shit!
01:20:19Shit, they missed.
01:20:21Yeah, well, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where you going, soldiers? We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, perfect.
01:20:28I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet. The bomb's best.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit. You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:40Wait one.
01:20:49Lindale, the backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54GTA, three minutes.
01:20:56Three minutes? What are you, crazy? We don't have three minutes.
01:20:59In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs. We're under serious attack.
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:18Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner.
01:21:23The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:24Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey! Hey! Where's he going?
01:21:50You stay right here. I gotta go.
01:21:57Hey, guys. Move over. Move over.
01:22:06Oh, well...
01:22:08Cock-firing mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:14Shut up.
01:22:28Aim to set range if known or estimate.
01:22:31Who came up with these directions?
01:22:33I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time when I'm gonna rip your spine out and use it for a
01:22:37putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up.
01:22:39I'm not good with directions.
01:22:42Push.
01:22:43Safety.
01:22:44And hold down.
01:22:46Okay, now, everybody back.
01:22:48Fire.
01:22:49By pushing trigger.
01:22:55Suck on this at once, time!
01:23:03Oh, sorry.
01:23:11Last chance, my friend.
01:23:13Whoa!
01:23:27Woo!
01:23:38Yes!
01:23:39Yeah!
01:23:40Yeah!
01:23:41Woo-hoo!
01:23:41Yeah, yeah, yeah!
01:23:45Yeah!
01:23:47Oh, man!
01:23:48Oh!
01:23:50Guys, on my signal, everybody scream like crazy.
01:23:54Make them think we've got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57One, and go!
01:24:14We scared them!
01:24:16Ah!
01:24:18I can't believe we scared them!
01:24:20Ah!
01:24:22Yeah!
01:24:25Don't mess with the Glendale Reserves!
01:24:29Two weeks a year,
01:24:32one week in a month,
01:24:33we're the few!
01:24:35We're the browns!
01:24:37We're the water boys!
01:24:40All stuck!
01:24:42Get down!
01:25:10Yes!
01:25:14Yeah!
01:25:20Yeah!
01:25:22Woo!
01:25:22Go!
01:25:23Go!
01:25:26Go!
01:25:26Go!
01:25:32Go!
01:25:34Go!
01:25:35Hey!
01:25:36All right, start the poles!
01:25:38Not bad for a bunch of water boys, huh?
01:25:40No!
01:25:41Soldiers!
01:25:42I'm proud of you guys!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves!
01:25:56Congratulations!
01:25:57You did an outstanding job!
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant!
01:26:01It was an adventure!
01:26:14You had to be a pleasure!
01:26:22Get the right one!
01:26:24Hey!
01:26:24Hey!
01:26:26Yeah!
01:26:26Yeah!
01:26:27Hey!
01:26:28If you had one,
01:26:35You're going to have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:10You're going to have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:29You're going to have to go get a blood test, Bone.
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