- 18 hours ago
Welcome to the ultimate Big Bang Theory fan page! š¤
Daily funny clips, iconic moments, memes, and nonstop laughter from the show
Daily funny clips, iconic moments, memes, and nonstop laughter from the show
Category
š¹
FunTranscript
00:00In 1935, Erwin Schrƶdinger, in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics,
00:06he proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will
00:11break open at a random time.
00:13Now, since no one knows when or if the poison has been released, until the box is opened, the cat
00:19can be thought of as both alive and dead.
00:27I'm sorry, I don't get the point.
00:29Well, of course you don't get it. I haven't made it yet.
00:33You have to be psychic to get it, and there's no such thing as psychic.
00:36Sheldon, what's the point?
00:38Just like Schrƶdinger's cat, your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad.
00:44It is only by opening the box that you'll find out which it is.
00:49Okay, so you're saying I should go out with Leonard?
00:52No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:55Let me start again.
00:56I have to go out tonight.
01:06I have to go out tonight.
01:12What the hell is that?
01:15I don't know, but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too.
01:25You wanna proud be my night owl?
01:29We'll take my...
01:30Hey, guys!
01:31Hi!
01:32Where are you going?
01:33What?
01:34We just had to mail some letters and throw away some chicken.
01:58You'll never guess what just happened.
01:59I give up.
02:01I don't guess.
02:01As a scientist, I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation.
02:06Although, as I'm saying this, it occurs to me, you may have been employing a rhetorical device, rendering my response
02:11moot.
02:12What was that?
02:13Believe it or not, personal growth.
02:16What happened?
02:17All right, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent, but I didn't get it and I couldn't
02:21figure out why?
02:21I have a conclusion based on an observation.
02:24No, you don't.
02:24No, he doesn't.
02:27Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace her.
02:30Oh, congratulations. What a lucky break.
02:32It's not a big deal. Just a one-night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents,
02:37so you never know.
02:37I think I know.
02:38No, you don't.
02:40He doesn't.
02:42It's this Friday at 8. Do you guys want to come?
02:44No.
02:47Because...
02:49Uh, Friday, we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.
02:53I think that's a week from Tuesday at 6.
02:55No, it's this Friday.
02:57At 8.
02:59Oh, too bad.
03:00Well, I gotta get to rehearsal.
03:01See you guys.
03:02See ya.
03:02Let's go out tonight.
03:08Excuse me.
03:09Do you know anything about this stuff?
03:11I know everything about this stuff.
03:13Okay.
03:14I have my own wholesale flower business, and I want to hook up my computer in the front entrance with
03:18the one in my refrigerated warehouse.
03:20Here, buy this one.
03:21Look, it's the one we're getting. See?
03:22Happy guy.
03:23No, no, no, no, no.
03:24She doesn't want that.
03:24She needs a point-to-point peer network with a range extender.
03:30Which hard drive do I want? Firewire or USB?
03:34It depends on what bus you have available.
03:39I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
03:43Oh, dear Lord.
03:45Sheldon, we have to go.
03:46Not now.
03:46Penny, this poor man needs me.
03:48You hold on.
03:48I'll be right with you.
03:50What computer do you have?
03:52And please don't say a white one.
03:56Okay, we don't have that in stock, but I can special order it for you.
04:03Him.
04:05Excuse me, sir.
04:06You don't work here.
04:08Yes, well, apparently neither does anyone else.
04:12Sheldon, we have to go.
04:14Why?
04:14Well, for one thing, we're late for Leonard's birthday party, and for another, I told him
04:18to call security.
04:21Good luck.
04:24By the way, a six-year-old could hack your computer system.
04:27Keep walking.
04:28Yeah, one, two, three, four is not a secure password.
04:31Uh-oh.
04:32What?
04:33I was going to get my mail.
04:35Okay.
04:39Are you hoping to get it telepathically?
04:43I think you mean telekinetically.
04:46And no.
04:47I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol, now that you and Leonard are no longer having
04:51coitus.
04:51Oh, God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other?
04:55Well, we could if it were true.
04:57But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time.
05:00A variable which has changed is the coitus.
05:05Okay, here's the protocol.
05:06You and I are still friends, and you stopped saying coitus.
05:10Good.
05:11I'm glad we're still friends.
05:13Really?
05:14Oh, yes.
05:15It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life.
05:17I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.
05:21Right.
05:22Just to be clear, do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone, or just you?
05:28Everyone.
05:29Do you go on many dates?
05:31Um, yeah, I wouldn't say many.
05:33A few.
05:38What's...
05:40Your characterization of approximately 171 different men is a few.
05:45What?
05:46Where did you get 171 men?
05:49Simple extrapolation.
05:51In the three years that I've known you, you were single for two.
05:54During that time, I saw 17 different suitors.
05:57If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias, and postulate an initial dating age of 15...
06:03Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
06:04I did not start dating at 15.
06:06I'm sorry, 16?
06:0714.
06:10My mistake.
06:12Now, assuming the left side of a bell curve, peeking around the present, that would bring the total up to
06:17193 men.
06:19Plus or minus eight men.
06:23Remarkable.
06:24Did you have sexual intercourse with all of these men?
06:27No.
06:28Although that number would be fairly easy to calculate, based on the number of awkward encounters I've had with strange
06:34men leaving her apartment in the morning,
06:35plus the number of times she's returned home wearing the same clothes she wore the night before.
06:40Okay, Sheldon, I think you've made your point.
06:42So we multiply 193 minus 21 men before the loss of virginity.
06:47So 172 times 0.18 gives us 30.96 sexual partners.
06:55Let's round that up to 31.
06:57Okay, Sheldon, you are so wrong.
07:00That is not even close to the real number of men need a drink over here for home.
07:07It's 10 o'clock.
07:09Where have you been?
07:09We stayed for the California Adventure Water Show.
07:12It was pure Disney magic.
07:16I was going to see that with him.
07:17How was I supposed to know that?
07:19It's all right.
07:20I'll see it again with you.
07:21And I have food here.
07:22You said you were going to call.
07:23I know, I know.
07:24I can still eat.
07:25No, you already threw up once.
07:26Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.
07:31Okay, but just don't fight.
07:33We're not fighting.
07:34Just go.
07:38Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland?
07:40Thank you, Penny.
07:44Consider this unlikely but very plausible scenario.
07:47A young woman alone in the big city.
07:50Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.
07:54Hey, wait a minute.
07:56Hang on, let's see where he's going.
07:58Then it hits her.
07:59How is she going to survive?
08:01But she has no prospects, no marketable skills.
08:04And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.
08:13Hey, hang on, let's see where he's going.
08:17She befriends them and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea, which she steals
08:23and sells to the highest bidder.
08:25That is ridiculous.
08:26Oh, is it?
08:27Let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.
08:36Okay, you know what?
08:37I've already mooched dinner off you guys.
08:38I don't need to listen to this.
08:39What's going on?
08:40Oh, nothing's going on.
08:42Excuse me.
08:42Are you just getting home?
08:43Yeah.
08:44That's a good sign, right?
08:47Oh, yeah.
08:48I'm so proud of you.
08:51You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker.
08:56No, I didn't do it for the money.
08:58She stiffed you?
09:01I believe that's what your roommate did to her.
09:04What?
09:05Again, read the book we gave you.
09:08Where's your heart rate monitor?
09:10I don't have one.
09:10What about your pedometer?
09:11I don't have one.
09:12Do you have telematics in your shoes connected to an iPod?
09:15Uh, no.
09:15What do you do?
09:17You just go out there and gamble about like a bunny?
09:20No, I just run until I'm hungry and then I stop for a bear claw.
09:28Why are you doing that?
09:30It's good to stretch your muscles before you run.
09:32All right.
09:33All right, let's start with a toe touch.
09:42Okay, you do it.
09:44I am doing it.
09:47Oh, wow.
09:48Good job.
09:49Okay, um, can you do this?
09:54We'll never know.
09:56Okay, let's just, uh, warm up on the run.
09:58Okay.
09:58Okay, let's go.
09:59Yeah, I've been reading up on biomechanics.
10:02I think you'll be surprised at my...
10:07Oh, my God, are you okay?
10:08I think so.
10:09Let me help you up.
10:14Oh, Sheldon!
10:17If it makes you feel any better, Thursday is no longer cruciferous vegetable night.
10:21Hey, you don't need Leonard and his app.
10:23You can make one with me.
10:25With you?
10:28Seriously, I have a great idea for one.
10:30Was it better than your idea to move to Los Angeles and become a famous actress?
10:36Okay, look.
10:37When you see someone wearing shoes you like, you just snap a picture of them,
10:40and the app goes on the internet to find out where you can buy them.
10:44That's your app idea.
10:46You don't like it?
10:47I didn't say that.
10:48But no, I don't.
10:54Okay.
10:54Hey, these are Uggs.
10:57These are Crocs.
10:59These are knockoff Manolo Blahniks.
11:02Bored.
11:04Look, you said it yourself.
11:05We have to create a database before you can write an alga thingy.
11:08The algorithm.
11:10You see, Penny, Alan Turing defines an algorithm.
11:13Bored.
11:14Okay, these are Steve Madden's.
11:17These are Nine West.
11:19These are Target.
11:20Oh, but don't they look like Chanel?
11:22These are Michael Bored.
11:24Nobody knows.
11:25These are Roxy.
11:27Nobody knows.
11:28These are Roxy.
11:28Nobody knows.
11:28These are Sashill.
11:31Nobody knows.
11:32Nobody knows.
11:35Nobody knows.
11:36And hold.
11:36Three, two, one.
11:40Very good.
11:42Now let's try Warrior Two.
11:51I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies, they can draw
11:57water in through their genitals.
12:07Yeah, well, I don't think we're going to get to do that today.
12:12Too bad.
12:14Seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.
12:20Oh, hey.
12:21Now we go to reverse, Warrior.
12:29How did she get you to do yoga?
12:31Well, to be honest, I thought she said Yoda.
12:35If you died this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most
12:40regret not having told someone?
12:43So, it would be today?
12:46Huh.
12:48Well, I suppose there's something satisfying about dying on my birthday.
12:53Today's your birthday?
12:54Yes.
12:56Well, that's always been a secret.
12:58Not even Amy knows.
13:00Well, I don't enjoy presents.
13:03And the thought of people jumping out and yelling surprise fills me with more dread than the words
13:09George Lucas director's cut.
13:13So, why did you finally tell me?
13:16The point of the experiment is to be completely honest with each other.
13:21Thank you for sharing it with me.
13:23I won't tell anyone.
13:28Thank you for walking me home.
13:31Just want to make sure you get there safe.
13:36Well, this is me.
13:39It's been a very interesting evening.
13:41It really has.
13:46Surprise!
13:50And after I let you be Gary.
13:54Penny!
13:55Penny!
13:57Penny!
13:58What's the matter?
14:01Um, well, I was worried that you might be missing Leonard.
14:08And that might be causing you to have bad dreams.
14:11Like the kind you'd get if you watched Clash of the Titans right before you went to bed.
14:17Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?
14:23Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3 case.
14:27Leonard did it.
14:29Good night.
14:30No, wait.
14:32Perhaps I should sleep here.
14:34So you don't miss Leonard as much.
14:37Because you're being kind of a baby about it.
14:44You know what?
14:46That would make me feel better.
14:48You're welcome.
14:53Good night.
15:05Good night.
15:06Now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff.
15:13Oh, a pocket watch.
15:15Okay, I don't think Amy wants a pocket watch.
15:17No, but maybe she wants a man with a pocket watch.
15:22Still saying stupid stuff.
15:25Ooh, she like bracelets?
15:27Well, she's very fond of her silver one that says allergic to penicillin.
15:33Maybe they have a dressier version of that.
15:35Well, how are we doing this afternoon?
15:37Are we looking for anything special?
15:38Perhaps a ring for the lady?
15:40Trust me, we are not a couple.
15:43Excuse me.
15:44I don't see why you get to snort derisively and point that out.
15:47You'd be lucky to land a fellow like me.
15:50Fine, go ahead.
15:52Trust me, we are not a couple.
15:54Ooh, me.
15:55Penny, a moment.
15:57We just had Thai food.
15:59In that culture, the last morsel is called the Grang Jai piece,
16:03and it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group.
16:14Thank you all for this high honor.
16:19I've seen pictures of your mother.
16:21Keep eating.
16:28Oh, hey, Sheldon.
16:30Hello.
16:38You okay?
16:40I'm on vacation.
16:41What do you think?
16:44Why are you sitting in the stairwell?
16:47Leonard told me to stay.
16:50Oh.
16:52Well, good boy.
16:55Where are you going?
16:56Ugh, a ton of errands to run.
16:57I need to make copies of my headshot, send them off to agents,
17:00and sign up for a new acting class.
17:01Mm-hmm.
17:02Have fun.
17:03Okay.
17:05Aw.
17:11You want to come with me?
17:12Really?
17:14Come on, boy.
17:15Come on.
17:15Let's go.
17:16Let's go.
17:17Get in the way.
17:17Come on.
17:18I've never played Dungeons and Dragons with girls before.
17:21Oh, don't worry, sweetie.
17:22No one has.
17:27So, what do you say?
17:30I'll leave it up to the dungeon master.
17:35A satanic fungus that looks suspiciously like Al Pacino rises from the forest floor and says,
17:44You're playing D&D.
17:46You're playing D&D.
17:48This whole apartment is playing D&D.
17:59What are you doing in our dungeon?
18:04You shall die.
18:08Okay, literal goosebumps.
18:10Look.
18:11What do you do?
18:12I draw my broadsword.
18:14I ready my quarterstaff.
18:16I drink my potion.
18:20I see we attacked the big one.
18:22You know what?
18:22Give me the dice.
18:22I want to roll.
18:23The dungeon master is supposed to roll.
18:25Yeah, well, I'm supposed to be in Vegas throwing up on a shrimp buffet.
18:28Now give it.
18:31All right, what do I need?
18:33Uh, 15 or higher.
18:3515's the point.
18:36The point is 15.
18:37Give the little lady some room.
18:38Here it is, coming out.
18:4116!
18:41Oh!
18:44Oh!
18:45Please tell me we're playing for money.
18:47Oh, even better than money.
18:48You gained experience points.
18:53More potion, please.
18:54Yeah.
18:54Amy, I'd like to apologize.
18:57Your accomplishment was impressive, and I'm proud of you.
19:06We both know that's your koala face.
19:07I told you.
19:10Okay, look.
19:10He bought you this.
19:13Jewelry?
19:15Seriously?
19:16Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met.
19:20Do you really think that another transparently manipul-
19:22Oh, it's a tiara!
19:24A tiara!
19:25I have a tiara!
19:26Put it on me!
19:27Put it on me!
19:28Put it on me!
19:28Put it on me!
19:29Put it on me!
19:29Put it on me!
19:34You look beautiful.
19:35Of course I do!
19:36I'm a princess, and this is my tiara!
19:48You're right.
19:49The tiara was too much.
19:51Hey, what's with all the yelling?
19:53Leonard disproved my element.
19:55Now all the attention is going to go away.
19:57Oh, that's great.
19:58You must be thrilled.
19:59Oh, that's it.
19:59I'm down to seven friends.
20:03He's counting hobbits and superheroes, right?
20:06When I thought the element was real, I didn't want it.
20:09But now that Leonard made it not exist, I want it more than anything in the world.
20:13The element never existed.
20:15I didn't take it away.
20:16Science took it away.
20:17Be mad at science.
20:18Don't you dare use science against me.
20:21Science is my best friend.
20:23Oh, good.
20:24I'm back up to eight.
20:26Will you tell him he's out of his mind?
20:28Actually, I get what he's saying.
20:30Yes!
20:30Nine!
20:31Welcome back, buddy.
20:35It's like if you're dating someone you're not that into, and then they break up with you,
20:38and then you want them more than ever.
20:39I have no idea what she's talking about.
20:41We're ganging up on you, so I agree.
20:45Okay, Sheldon, what do you want me to do?
20:47Hide the information?
20:48If I don't publish it, it's just a matter of time before someone else does.
20:51But no, no, of course you have to publish.
20:53That's your responsibility as a scientist.
20:55Doing otherwise would be unethical.
20:57You have no choice.
20:59Fine, I'll publish.
21:00Can you believe this guy?
21:01Here are some topics that interest me.
21:03Quantum mechanics, trains, flags.
21:06No, no, it's about my acting career.
21:08Oh, I'm sorry.
21:09That's not on the list.
21:10Well, oh, wait, no.
21:12How about we split the difference and discuss why Austria was an arch-dutchy and not just
21:18a regular dutchy?
21:20Okay, look, here's the thing.
21:21I like pharmaceutical sales, it's going great, but I have an audition for a movie, and if
21:25I get it, it could screw everything up.
21:27Hmm.
21:28I know exactly what you should do.
21:31Unfortunately, I cannot tell you.
21:34Well, why?
21:36I'm attempting to turn over a new leaf.
21:38Earlier today, it was pointed out to me that I tend to force my ideas on people.
21:44You're really not going to tell me?
21:46Nope.
21:46That train has left the station.
21:49Now, we can play this one in two ways.
21:52You can say, trains, tell me more.
21:55Or you can just look at me like that, and I'll start.
21:58Who do we love?
21:59Penny.
21:59Who do we love?
22:00Penny.
22:01Who do we love?
22:02Penny.
22:04Hello, Sheldon.
22:05Come on in.
22:08What's up?
22:09I came to ask if you would like to go on a date with me.
22:15Sorry, what?
22:17A date.
22:18You and me.
22:20Dining, dancing.
22:21Perhaps you'd like to take in a prize fight?
22:25God, are you trying to make Amy jealous?
22:28No.
22:29Why is everyone so obsessed with Amy and Stuart?
22:32And whether or not they may be having more pumpkin lattes or intercourse tonight?
22:38Okay, listen to me.
22:40Playing games is not going to help get Amy back.
22:42I am not trying to get her back.
22:45But out of curiosity, what is a way?
22:48All right, honey, let me tell you a story.
22:50There's a guy I liked, and I never told him how I felt.
22:53Eventually, he started going out with someone else, and I always regretted it.
22:57But do you see where I'm going with this?
23:00I believe I do.
23:02I'm the guy.
23:08You're not the guy.
23:10Are you sure?
23:11I would explain so much.
23:13Your constant presence in my apartment.
23:16Baffling dalliance with Leonard just to be near me.
23:19What, you call me sweetie all the time?
23:21I call everyone sweetie.
23:23You tramp.
23:24Oh.
23:27Look, Sheldon, all I'm saying is strap on a pair and go talk to Amy.
23:31Strap on a pair?
23:33What, skates?
23:37Oh, sweetie, you are so not the guy.
23:39It seems only logical that to restore balance to the relationship, you should find another
23:45man and dally with him.
23:47And by dally, I mean some hardcore mouth-on-mouth action.
23:51Okay, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
23:53You actually think he's on to something.
23:56Well, you can't be serious, because I messed up and made out with a girl, you're going to
24:01do the same with a random guy?
24:03I'm currently single.
24:07That's true, you are.
24:11What is happening?
24:14I will tell you what is happening.
24:16I am saving my best friend's marriage.
24:27Since Amy and I have been living together, we've been bickering like my parents used to.
24:32And you're afraid you're going to do something like your dad did?
24:35Yes.
24:36I need to prepare her now to save her from pain down the road.
24:41Down the road?
24:42Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream
24:45parlor trying to pick up women.
24:49Well, anything can sound silly when you put it in that tone.
24:53Honey, instead of worrying about pain you may cause in the future, how about trying to fix the pain you're
24:57causing her right now?
25:00I'm sure you're right.
25:03And I suppose I should apologize to you as well.
25:06Okay.
25:07That must have hurt, watching me look for other women without ever even considering you.
25:17Please understand that I think of you as more of a nanny.
25:25Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed.
25:29Helium.
25:30Yes.
25:33Taylor Swift.
25:34Yes.
25:36Pie.
25:37Yes.
25:45Kardashian.
25:46More specific?
25:47What do you think?
25:51Chloe?
25:51Yes!
25:53See, I remember because if it looks like Kim, it's Kim.
25:55If it looks kind of like Kim, it's Kourtney.
25:57If it looks nothing like Kim, it's Chloe.
26:01Oh, that's a Venn diagram.
26:02And I remember because I thought to myself,
26:04Venn, is he going to stop talking about this diagram?
26:08What are you guys doing?
26:10Oh, well, we decided to use our breakfast time to expand our respective knowledge bases.
26:14Oh, let me try.
26:18Adam of hydrogen, Adam of maroon 5, mic drop.
26:25I'm sorry, who is mic drop?
26:27Ever since Amy started working with Howard, she hasn't been home.
26:30Didn't that just start this morning?
26:33And has she been home?
26:36You know, that would frustrate me.
26:39Does it frustrate you?
26:41It does.
26:42I get that.
26:43You know, it's okay to feel frustrated when things aren't going your way.
26:48I suppose.
26:49Oh, maybe it's not that big a deal.
26:51No, no, no.
26:52Your feelings are valid.
26:53Now, why don't you go wash up and we'll call you when dinner's ready.
27:02Okay.
27:06What did you do?
27:07Are you a witch?
27:09Well, I've been reading Bernadette's parenting book.
27:11It's like the answer key to the Sheldon test.
27:16That's amazing.
27:17I know, but, you know, it's only birth to five.
27:19What do we do when he turns six?
27:23Take him to the zoo and leave him there.
27:24The fundamental problem with elementary quantum mechanical formalism is that the Fourier transformic
27:29sends to minus infinity in time.
27:31Hey, don't dumb this down for me.
27:36Penny, I'm late for that thing.
27:38See ya.
27:39Leonard!
27:41Oh, Sheldon.
27:42Didn't see you there.
27:43What's up?
27:43Well, he was excited to talk science with Amy, but she was working late, so he decided to
27:48come over and share it with me.
27:49With me, Leonard.
27:53With me.
27:56Sheldon, we've talked about this.
27:57You can't go around boring other people's wives.
28:00Yeah.
28:01I already got a man for that.
28:04Yeah, you do.
28:05Yeah.
28:07It's just I've been enjoying my collaboration with Amy, but ever since we got back from our
28:10honeymoon, she has so little time.
28:12She does have her own job.
28:14Yeah, but it's so dull.
28:16Trying to understand how the brain translates the five senses into biochemical information.
28:22I'd rather wait in line without my phone.
28:25Okay, well, Leonard's here now.
28:27You can talk science with him.
28:29Where are you going?
28:29That thing you were late for.
28:31One of us should really be there.
28:33What a beautiful forest.
28:38Hello, little butterfly.
28:42What's your name?
28:43Oh!
28:45What you doing?
28:46I was enjoying some virtual reality.
28:49You ruined it with your actual face.
28:52What am I smelling?
28:54Oh, it's car air freshener.
28:56I was simulating the smell of the forest.
28:59It's not what the forest smells like.
29:00Well, how would I know?
29:03Amy is the one constant I can count on, and now she's changing.
29:07It's just a haircut and some clothes.
29:09No, it's the last straw.
29:10I can't take any more.
29:20Can you believe it?
29:21They finally fixed the elevator.
29:26I can't take any more.
29:26This is a nightmare.
29:28What's with him?
29:29He won a Nobel Prize, and his wife looks amazing.
29:32Oh, yeah.
29:33Got it.
29:54How did you get down here?
29:56The elevator, it's really fast.
29:59I need to be alone right now.
30:01Don't try to follow me.
30:02All right.
30:02You need a ride?
30:03That'd be great.
30:04The entire point of emulating Spock was to rise above human emotion, which I've spent a
30:08lifetime mastering.
30:10Oh.
30:13Excuse me?
30:14I'm sorry.
30:15I'm not here.
30:16No.
30:16You went.
30:17What does mean?
30:20You did go.
30:22Okay, fine.
30:23Well, Sheldon, I'm no expert, but aren't you completely missing the point of Spock?
30:27He liked to act like you had no emotions, but he was still half human.
30:30Just like you.
30:33I'm just saying, you pretend you don't, but you have feelings just like everybody else.
30:37Not true.
30:38No, look at me.
30:39I had an engagement ring to give a girl, and instead she rejected me.
30:43And am I emotional about that?
30:45No, no, I am sitting here on a couch talking about my favorite TV character like nothing
30:49happened, because I am just like him, all logical, all the time.
30:52Sweetie, you're yelling.
30:53Because when I speak at a regular volume, no one seems to believe me that I put this
30:57Amy nonsense behind me.
31:04This documentary is going to be awesome.
31:12That's the fourth time she's been to the bathroom in the last two hours.
31:16So?
31:17Her breakfast was binding.
31:19I made sure of that.
31:22So?
31:22So she clearly has some sort of stomach distress.
31:25If it's viral, we're all susceptible.
31:28She's probably just airsick.
31:29What if she's not?
31:31What if we get what she has?
31:32What if we infect the King of Sweden?
31:34That's how wars start.
31:42All right, that's it.
31:42This is Outbreak, and she's the monkey.
31:47Wait, stop.
31:47Be reasonable.
31:52Leonard, we need to do something about your wife.
31:54What's the matter?
31:54She is clearly sick, and she's going to take us all down with her.
31:57She's not sick, Sheldon.
31:59She is, and I'm going to catch it, and it's going to ruin the greatest day of my life.
32:02I promise you're not going to get what she has.
32:05Hey, what's going on?
32:06I'm clean!
32:07I'm clean!
32:08What?
32:10He thinks you're sick.
32:12Oh.
32:13Should we tell him?
32:14If we don't, he might try and jump out of the plane.
32:17Yeah, doesn't answer my question.
32:19Tell me what?
32:22I'm pregnant, Sheldon.
32:25You're right.
32:25I can't catch that.
32:27Oh.
32:31Good news, Amy.
32:33She's just pregnant.
32:35I think we'd make amazing parents.
32:38Will you guys keep it down?
32:44On the other hand, we might lack a certain maturity.
32:49You actually think it's 2003?
32:51No.
32:52Just because I'm living my life like it was 12 years ago doesn't mean I'm delusional.
32:56And since it is 2003, I don't know who you are.
32:59So please exit the premises before I call the police on my stylish new flip phone.
33:07Hello, 2003.
33:11Hey, we brought you time.
33:15Where is everything?
33:16In my present, it's in the future.
33:19In your present, it's been crammed in the bedroom by an enterprising young man I met in
33:23the Home Depot parking lot.
33:26I know what you're doing.
33:28You're trying to get attention so we'll feel bad for you, but it's not happening.
33:31No, what I'm doing is trying to figure out how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me.
33:36Knock it off.
33:37We're across the hall.
33:38As the kids are saying today, talk to the hand.
33:43They're not saying that.
33:45They are in 2003.
33:48No, they're really not.
33:51I'm trying to take an interest in other people.
33:54How was your girls' night?
33:55It was fine.
33:57Did you have anything to eat?
33:59Uh, chips.
34:01Anything to drink?
34:02Some wine.
34:04Well, I'm just playing tennis against the drapes here.
34:09It's for the Nobel laureates.
34:11We need them on our side.
34:12But unfortunately, Sheldon...
34:14No, unfortunately, Sheldon, that's all you gotta say.
34:18Well, so you need these people's support, and you're sending them baked goods?
34:22Yeah, they're pretty smart.
34:23Don't you think they're gonna realize it's just a bribe?
34:25No, I could think, but sometimes brilliant people can be painfully oblivious to social cues.
34:33Thank you for pointing that out, Sheldon.
34:37Anytime.
34:40And my two dearest friends in the world, Penny Hofstadter and Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
34:58I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met.
35:01He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful.
35:08And now that they're expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.
35:11Thanks, Sheldon.
35:12I haven't told my parents yet, but thanks.
35:16Oh.
35:18I'm sorry.
35:20Don't tell anyone that last thing.
35:22That's a secret.
35:24What you need is to spend your birthday in a bathroom.
35:28I'm happy to do it with you.
35:33Everyone will think I'm weird.
35:42Sweetie, you are weird.
35:45Everyone knows you're weird, but they're all still here because they care about you so much.
35:52Hello.
35:53Some of us need to check our hair because we might have a shot with Winner's mother.
35:59Let me guess.
36:00Quesadilla with soy cheese for the lactose intolerant Leonard.
36:04Shrimp Caesar salad with no almonds for the highly allergic kosher only on the high holidays Howard.
36:09And for our suddenly back on the Hindu wagon Raj meat lover's pizza, no meat.
36:16Coming right up.
36:18Wait, excuse me.
36:18You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger.
36:21Barbecue sauce, bacon and cheese on the side.
36:24Oh, I didn't tell you.
36:26You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory.
36:29Why?
36:30Well, you have three strikes.
36:33One coming in, two sitting down, and three, I don't like your attitude.
36:38You can't do that.
36:39Not only is it a violation of California state law,
36:41it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy.
36:44Yeah, no, there's a new policy.
36:46No shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon.
36:49I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena.
36:56Oh.
36:59Hello.
37:02Time to do your laundry, huh?
37:05Saturday night.
37:07Saturday is laundry night.
37:09I know.
37:10Every Saturday at 8.15.
37:13Easy to anticipate.
37:18What are you implying?
37:20I'm implying that you're a creature of habit.
37:23And if something were to prevent you from doing your laundry on Saturday at 8.15,
37:27you might find it...
37:30unpleasant.
37:37Knuckle under my ass.
37:47Oh, no.
37:49Are all the machines taken?
37:53What are you gonna do?
37:56No problem.
37:58I'll just...
37:59do my laundry another night.
38:02Another night?
38:03Well, I guess you can try,
38:05but deep inside your heart,
38:07you'll know that laundry night
38:08is always Saturday night.
38:15woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
38:19Yeah, well, your ken can kiss my Barbie.
38:22How come you didn't go into work today?
38:25I'm taking a sabbatical,
38:26because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.
38:29So you got canned, huh?
38:32Theoretical physicists do not get canned.
38:35But, yeah.
38:38Maybe it's all for the best.
38:39You know, I always say,
38:40when one door closes,
38:41another one opens.
38:42No, it doesn't.
38:45Not unless the two doors are connected by relays
38:47or there are motion sensors involved.
38:49No, no, I meant...
38:50First door closing creates a change of air pressure
38:52that acts upon the second door.
38:55Never mind.
38:57Slow down.
38:59Slow down.
38:59Slow down.
39:01We're fine!
39:02You're not leaving yourself enough space between cars.
39:04Oh, sure I am.
39:05No, no.
39:06Let me do the math for you.
39:07This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds.
39:10Now add 140 for me, 120 for you.
39:12120?
39:13Oh, I'm sorry.
39:14Did I insult you?
39:15Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?
39:18Well, yeah.
39:21Interesting.
39:22Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say, 4,400 pounds.
39:25Let's say 4,390.
39:28Fine.
39:29We're traveling forward at, good lord, 51 miles an hour.
39:33Now, let's assume that your brakes are new
39:35and the calipers are aligned.
39:36Still, by the time we come to a stop,
39:38we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us,
39:41an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve
39:43into death, mutilation, and...
39:45Oh, look, they built a new putt-putt course.
39:50This is great.
39:52Look at me.
39:53I'm in the real world of ordinary people,
39:55just living their ordinary, colorless, workaday lives.
40:01No, thank you.
40:03Thank you, ordinary person.
40:07Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?
40:10Uh, no, no, not really.
40:11Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs?
40:14Yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics
40:17of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods
40:19on the way out of the supermarket.
40:21Oh, okay, well, maybe you should start heading on out, then.
40:25No, this is fun.
40:27Oh, the thing about tomatoes,
40:28and I think you'll really enjoy this,
40:30is they're shelved with the vegetables,
40:32but they're technically a fruit.
40:34Oh, interesting.
40:35Isn't it?
40:35No, I mean what you find enjoyable.
40:42Oh, boy.
40:45What now?
40:47Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin,
40:50but the human body can only absorb so much.
40:52What you're buying here are the ingredients
40:54for very expensive urine.
40:57Well, maybe that's what I was going for.
41:00Well, then you'll want some manganese.
41:09Well, that was fun.
41:11Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores.
41:13Oh, I don't know, Sheldon.
41:15It's going to take me a while to recover
41:16from all the fun I had today.
41:19Are you sure?
41:20There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.
41:23For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons
41:26one month's supply at a time.
41:30What?
41:30What?
41:31Think about it.
41:32It's a product that doesn't spoil,
41:33and you're going to be needing them
41:34for at least the next 30 years.
41:37You want me to buy 30 years' worth of tampons?
41:41Well, 30, 35.
41:42When did your mother go into menopause?
41:44Okay.
41:45Do you guys mind if I start?
41:46Um, Penny.
41:47Yeah.
41:49That's where I sit.
41:52Sit next to me.
41:55No, I sit there.
41:58What's the difference?
41:59What's the difference?
42:00Here we go.
42:02In the winter, that seat is close enough
42:03to the radiator to remain warm,
42:05and yet not so close as to cause perspiration.
42:07In the summer, it's directly in the path
42:09of a cross breeze created by opening windows there
42:11and there.
42:12It faces the television at an angle
42:14that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation,
42:16nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion.
42:18I could go on, but...
42:21I think I've made my point.
42:25Do you want me to move?
42:27Well...
42:27To sit somewhere else.
42:30Fine.
42:50Sheldon, sit!
42:53Ah.
42:54Ah.
42:55Ah.
42:55Ah.
42:56Ah.
42:56Ah.
42:57Ah.
42:58Ah.
42:58Ah.
43:00Ah.
43:00Ah.
43:01Ah.
43:01Ah.
43:02Ah.
43:02Ah.
43:03Ah.
43:03Ah.
43:03Ah.
43:05Ah.
43:06Ah.
Comments