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00:03Previously on this thing, I did meet someone.
00:06Give me that mouth, baby!
00:09Because of Narcissa, I lost my Hollywood career and my perfect Uber rating.
00:14They rate me?
00:15If I hadn't left LA without saying goodbye, I don't know if I'd even be alive today.
00:19Mr. Tobin, there's a lady here?
00:21Artie!
00:23Oh, snap! Now what?
00:26That's impossible.
00:27Narcissa?
00:27No, no, no, no, no. This cannot be happening.
00:30So this is Narcissa. She looks complicated.
00:33Thank you. Arthur, what a beautiful family you have.
00:37That's a crazy thing to say.
00:39Wait, did you invite her in? Haven't you seen Sinners?
00:41I'm sorry, who is this woman?
00:43Honestly, I don't even know. I am on a journey.
00:47How did you even find me? It's been two years. I moved across the country. I blocked you on everything.
00:52I always use a fake name at Starbucks.
00:54Well, Denise called me from your phone. You blocked me, but I'm still your emergency contact.
01:00And Denise didn't want you going back to the post office, which is so funny, because I am banned from
01:06my post office, too.
01:08It's like fate, because I was in Maryland looking for you.
01:13And I found you!
01:16Hold up. Do you teach Peloton?
01:19I did. It just got too corporate.
01:22Guys, I died for four minutes while getting my boobs done, and God is an old white guy. He just
01:28is. Okay, let's go.
01:29Well, thank you for my phone.
01:31Artie, I just want to talk.
01:32No.
01:33Thank you. Take care.
01:34Wait, wait, wait!
01:36She came all this way, and you're not even going to hear her out?
01:39My boy AT, he's just looking out for himself. He said this is the woman that ruined his life.
01:44She's the reason why he even has to do my stupid documentary.
01:48I am sick and tired of the men in this house not listening to women.
01:52What did I do?
01:53Okay, fine. When I say men, I'm talking about Reggie Dinkins. I just want to set a wedding date, but
01:58he's dragging his feet. And not just to build up static on the rug so he can shock Rusty.
02:03This is a perfect birthday.
02:07Ooh, daddy!
02:09So you're going to sit down and listen to this woman, Arthur.
02:13I love your outfit. Can I have it?
02:16Okay, Monica, I know how this sounds, okay, but believe me, this woman is...
02:20Crazy! Sorry. I'm just checking my news alerts. Why is the FDA telling me not to worry about bird measles?
02:26Did he escape?
02:28The fall and rise of Reggie Dinkins
02:35This woman is just trying her best. Don't take away her voice, Arthur. Don't be a Ursula.
02:44No, no, no, Marty. Marty. No, no, no. You all stay. I want this on tape.
02:48Brina and Arthur are clearly dealing with their own stuff, but I do not have the bandwidth. The whole world
02:53is losing its mind. I had a couple of busy work days and didn't read the news, and now...
02:58They declared war on the ocean?
03:02So, like, what are you shooting? Is this, like, a reverse blindside where you're bad at sports, and then the
03:09races are also reversed?
03:10And so is the adoptee's relative size to the family. I get it, Narcissa.
03:13Listen, I'm just really happy that you're working, okay? I felt so sorry when I found out that you were
03:18fired from Maryland.
03:19Sorry, like you were when you told Russell Crowe that I had been taking upskirts of his girlfriend just to
03:24see what would happen. He punched me, and then he made me listen to his band. Let's just get to
03:29the point. What do you want?
03:30I just want to say... I forgive you.
03:35Oh, my God. You better take a look at your personality before you start hanging s*** on me. That is
03:42a Russell Crowe lyric that I had to listen to. You forgive me? For what, exactly? For leaving?
03:48Well, yes.
03:49I left because I had to, Narcissa. The day after being fired, thanks to you, by the way, from the
03:55biggest job of my life, I woke up handcuffed in my bathtub like I was in a Saw movie while
04:00you were asleep in our bed with some guy that looked like Toilet Elvis.
04:03Let's get this over with. You waltz in here in those step-on-me boots. What do you want? Do
04:09you want money? An alibi?
04:11I don't want anything.
04:12If that's true, prove it and leave.
04:15Can we just, like, talk, you know?
04:18About the cameras?
04:19Okay. You are all saying this, right? She's saying she doesn't want anything, but now she won't leave. You are
04:22exactly the kind of woman that inspired Russell Crowe's album, Gaslight.
04:26Oh, my God. You just won't let it go that I slept with him that night.
04:28I didn't know that until just now. Okay, what will it take to get you out of here, right? I
04:32have $43. That's all I have in the world. Thanks to you. Please take it.
04:38I never should have come here.
04:39At last, we agree.
04:44We studied the trope of the crazy ex-girlfriend in my male allyship class. I mean, from Ophelia to Jane
04:50Eyre to Stacey in 1992's Wayne's World. It is kind of a cliche.
04:55Okay, well, so is pretentious director with a fancy accent, but then you meet one in real life. Wise beyond
05:01his years, sitcom kid.
05:04The wedding planner sent these save-the-date samples over. I just feel like they're missing something.
05:10Postage, of course. I'm glad I can help.
05:13The date, Reggie. The save-the-date cards don't have a date. I have to book a caterer and a
05:19venue.
05:20I need to know what season I'm getting married in so I know how much fur to wear, because it's
05:24not none.
05:25Come on. Can we do this later, baby?
05:29How about a June wedding?
05:31I don't want to pull focus from Juneteenth.
05:33Okay, September.
05:349-11, back to school sales. Come on, Brina, if you're not going to be serious about this.
05:37October.
05:38I don't want a spooky wedding.
05:40How about any time this winter?
05:42I'll ask you a season?
05:43This is ridiculous. I passed up on so many opportunities to monetize my brand because I thought I would be
05:50planning a wedding, going on a honeymoon, and monetizing that.
05:53Well, hey, don't let me block your blessings, baby. I don't want to get in the way of your career.
05:58What is happening here? You asked me to marry you a hundred times before I said yes. In Italy, at
06:04Epstein's Island.
06:05That's not what it sounds like. Dr. Epstein is my optometrist. I also asked her at CVS.
06:12My point is, you wanted this, too. But if you're not going to set a date...
06:18Baby, there's nothing more that I want than to marry you. But my deep commitment to feminism will not let
06:25me stand in the way of your career.
06:30Of course I want to marry Brina. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm just
06:36dragging my feet because that's what guys do, and I'm a guy.
06:39I love the Taylor Sherry of the universe. And twins! Remember that?
06:48Narcissa Ocean did not come here to leave empty-handed.
06:55No! Don't open that door! That's her! She's back!
06:58Are you serious right now?
07:00Ugh! I am so sorry. My car won't start and my phone is dead. Could I just use your phone
07:08to call a tow truck?
07:08No! Be gone!
07:09Of course! Come in!
07:12Don't listen to him. You stay as long as you need.
07:14This is all a ruse! A ruse, I tell you!
07:29You believe me, right? Marty!
07:33Oh, your name's Marty? Oh, that's so funny. If I was a boy, I would have named myself Randall, which
07:39is the same color as Marty!
07:40What? You all heard that, right? I am not the crazy one!
07:47Okay, I just need to split the towing fee over three different credit cards under three different names.
07:52Arthur Tobin! How long does it take for a documentary to change everyone in the world's mind about someone?
07:59What? Reggie, the biggest mistake I've made in my life is here in this house.
08:03But I'd like to be.
08:04Narcissa, surely you of all people understand what it's like to have your past come back to haunt you.
08:08And that's why we gotta get this doc out now. Like today, or if possible, yesterday.
08:13No, Reggie, we're nowhere near done filming. Editing takes months, and I mean, I haven't even begun to think about
08:17a font for the titles.
08:18Franklin Gothic with a drop shadow. My Hall of Fame redemption needs to be done now. So get it done,
08:25or I'll use AI.
08:26Alan Overson is a good friend. He knows movie magic!
08:31She's gone. Where did she go?
08:38Real-life Donkey Kong. Guerrilla kills man with barrel. What is up with my algorithm?
08:44That's just the word now. I only use my phone for photos and Duolingo. Hello, I'm learning English.
08:52Hey, Reggie. I know you don't want to get in the way of my career while you decide
08:56on a wedding day, so good news. You remember my ex?
08:59The prank guy who tricked you into joining the army? He's hilarious!
09:03No, not him. Francois.
09:05The greatest problem for the world is women's pleasure not being prioritized. Also nucleus.
09:12Oh, him. Boy, you have a type.
09:15Well, Francois has been bugging me forever to go on that show Ex Peninsula with him.
09:20Ten pairs of sexy exes. One tropical peninsula. The only rule? They're all now engaged to other people.
09:28I'm Tug Chase, and this is Ex Peninsula.
09:31It'll be great exposure for my brand. Of course, I wouldn't go if I had a conflict coming up.
09:39I would never get in the way of your brand. Go for it, baby.
09:44Thanks, baby.
09:47Dude, you cannot let her do that show. It is horny garbage, and I have seen every episode.
09:55What are you doing upstairs? This is not your house.
09:58Serena told me I could make myself at home, so I just took a little bath, and now I'm gonna
10:03go make some tea.
10:04Do you still take yours with both milk and lemon?
10:06I never did. That is insane. The milk would curdle. I know you're up to something.
10:11Oh, and you're Mr. Innocent? Bringing those blue eyes in here?
10:17You know that's not a choice.
10:21Aha, so that's your plan, you harpy. You've come to lure me back into your web of sexual insanity. Well,
10:26not again.
10:27But why would I need to lure you back? After all, Artie, we're married.
10:36I'm not your ex. I'm really your fiancé.
10:41Wait, Jim's ex and her fiancé are identical twins?
10:45No, they're triplets. Reggie, this show is made to get exes to hook up with each other.
10:51Brina would never cheat on me. She's just trying to make me jealous, so I set a wedding date.
10:55Wait, why won't you?
10:56If you know me at all, it's pretty obvious.
11:00Hey, we gotta do something, right?
11:03Yeah. We gotta know more about this show.
11:06Previously on X Peninsula.
11:08Naomi acts like she's the first person to ever drown on X Peninsula.
11:13Married. Of course.
11:16Do you excuse me for just a second?
11:18Mm-hmm.
11:19Honey.
11:20Narcissa has overplayed her hand, which is what she always does when she is in too deep.
11:24One time she took a job as a sign language interpreter. She does not know sign language.
11:28We both have fond memories of Egypt and the recollection of our last visit has drawn us back.
11:36When they wouldn't pay her, instead of walking away, she filed a lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
11:40No, I don't understand the question because I can't hear anything.
11:44Whatever her scam is, she slipped up.
11:48Mr. Reggie. I am François, 2026, sex champion of Europe.
11:53Désolé, I took my shoes off, but is this also a shirt-off household?
11:58What? No. You can see we all have shirts on. What's he doing here?
12:03He's here to record our submission tape for X Peninsula.
12:07This is very super cool of you. You must very trust, um, how you say, woman you're going to marry.
12:14Fiance!
12:14We do not have this word because in France, marriage is a joke.
12:19Brina wants to make me jealous.
12:21I am François.
12:22And I'm Brina.
12:24And we would like to, as we say where I come from,
12:27Participer dans votre émission afin que nous puissions être célèbres partout dans le monde.
12:35Yeah.
12:36Maybe I make her jealous.
12:38See, I know what I like.
12:41Butts.
12:42And as a feminist, I think men and women are equal.
12:46So let's see how Narcissa likes this butt.
12:51Mine.
12:52Gemma, your ghost has invited you to the nudity closet.
12:57Oh!
12:58Hey!
12:59I can't believe she accepted his invitation to Seven Hours in Heaven!
13:02But it's just to earn a Fabletics jealousy token.
13:05Mm-hmm.
13:06What a twist.
13:07Speaking of twists.
13:11Ha!
13:12Ha!
13:12My journals!
13:13Okay, so earlier I called the LA County Clerk's Office and guess what?
13:17They have no record of a Narcissa Louise Ocean marrying Arthur S. Tobin.
13:21So...
13:21What does the S stand for?
13:23Sting.
13:24Marty.
13:25My parents met in the bathroom at a police concert.
13:27You happy?
13:28And these will prove that Narcissa and I never left Los Angeles.
13:32We met at a Lakers game.
13:34She was there to, quote, put her baby on Scottie Pippin Jr.
13:36and then the relationship ended the day after I was fired from Professor Squeeze.
13:42Which was...
13:46Oh, but I've never been to Vegas.
13:55Oops!
13:56I guess I'm a bad boy.
14:03The only problem with my plan is how far away the ground is.
14:07But I got a solution.
14:13Dammit.
14:15I'm so clumsy today.
14:17I see what's going on here.
14:20Getting older can be scary.
14:21It must be hard for Reggie to admit he needs help from his nurse, Brina.
14:27Not again.
14:29I dropped my grabber claw now, too.
14:32That's so hot, right?
14:34I know he's just trying to make me jealous.
14:37Showing off all that ham.
14:38But I don't get why he won't just give up.
14:42So now, I gotta take it to the next level.
14:45I started this game of chicken and I got all the chickens.
14:50I've never played chicken.
14:52What is it?
14:53Mm-mm.
14:54Mm-mm.
14:54Narcissa.
14:57I knew I made a lot of bad choices in 2024.
15:00I just thought that I remembered all of them.
15:04You're talking about Vegas, aren't you?
15:06Oh.
15:07Don't get me started on Vegas.
15:09Cause I've never been, and I'd be making it up.
15:12It took some digging, but I finally discovered what really happened after I was fired.
15:18Baby, are you sure you want to do this?
15:19You have to.
15:20If we're married, you can't testify against me for stealing that cop's gun.
15:23I'm a genius.
15:26Hurry, Mr. Presley.
15:27I really thought I was the victim.
15:30I blamed you for everything.
15:31But if I can't even remember Vegas.
15:35We were not good for each other, Artie.
15:38I mean, you let me give you a prison tattoo of my initials.
15:41What?
15:41When?
15:43Where?
15:44Okay, look, um, you wanted to talk, right?
15:51White love is weird.
15:54America has spoken.
15:56And you should bang!
16:02Reggie, I need to give you this.
16:05I can't wear it on X Peninsula.
16:08Isn't the whole point of the show that you're engaged?
16:10No.
16:11The whole point is on the peninsula, you're not.
16:20Seriously?
16:21You taking it?
16:22Is she still going on that show?
16:23Are you letting her?
16:24It's her fault.
16:25She's trying to make me jealous with that nerd.
16:28Holy hell.
16:29Well, Reggie was giving Tobin's wife front row seats to the ham factory.
16:34Why would there be seats in the ham factory, Brina?
16:37Thanks!
16:37Okay, you two are acting like Bricks and Slinky on season four of X Peninsula.
16:42If the two of them had just gone to the Valtrex confession pool and had the courage to be honest
16:47with each other,
16:48they'd still be alive today.
16:51Monica, it's starting!
16:52If you missed the recap, you'll be confused!
17:01You weren't wrong.
17:02I did come here because I do want something from you.
17:04I knew it!
17:05You'll burn, witch!
17:06I am so sorry.
17:08That is force of habit.
17:11I want a divorce.
17:14After you left, I was pissed off.
17:16At first, I was going to do a Cape Fear.
17:18In what sense?
17:19Ride around under your car and seduce your daughter.
17:22But then, I decided to lay low.
17:24Because maybe one day you'd get back on top and I'd sweep in and take half.
17:27I mean, I wasn't exaggerating before.
17:29I have $43.
17:31But I have been doing a lot of work on myself and I realized it's time to move on.
17:38My AI therapist tells me the truest form of closure is the cleansing violence of fire.
17:43But this is a good first step.
17:49I'm sorry for how I reacted when you first showed up.
17:52Clearly, you aren't as far along on your healing journey.
17:55That's why I had to give you time to get there on your own.
18:02Well, you didn't give me time. Your car broke down.
18:20I'll see you in the monkey pages.
18:29Those were divorce papers, right?
18:32I didn't actually read them.
18:36But she's changed.
18:38It's fine.
18:39Right?
18:40This couple must now confess their true motivations or risk losing each other forever.
18:46Monica, I found it!
18:47I was sending the audio to the patio speakers.
18:51Wait, does that happen a lot?
18:53Don't you hear audio of stuff that I'm watching?
19:03This is a confession pool.
19:06And my confession is, I love you.
19:09I don't want to ruin our wedding.
19:10You won't.
19:12You just got to take your Imodium, baby.
19:14It's not just that.
19:16I just want it to be perfect.
19:18It's not going to be perfect if every story about it starts with,
19:22disgraced former football player marries blah blah blah.
19:27Hold up.
19:28That's it?
19:29I called in Francois-Henri for that?
19:33Reggie, if blah blah blah cared about that, she wouldn't be marrying you.
19:38Really?
19:39Because, Brie, you're blah blah blah.
19:43You kind of jumped out the window about this wedding planning.
19:45The only reason I jumped out the window is because you were dragging your feet.
19:50And it was making me feel, oh, what's the word?
19:53Issa Rae did a whole HBO about it.
19:56Insecure.
19:57I did not care for it.
19:59Do you think I could get anyone better than you?
20:03Maybe.
20:05Let's set a date for it right now.
20:08But I was serious about Halloween.
20:10Obviously.
20:11I'm not starting our marriage out haunted.
20:15Wow.
20:16You're watching history right now.
20:18The first engagement ever to make it through the peninsula.
20:22I hope she survives the loyalty swap and swims home to the Rick.
20:30Hey, Francois.
20:31Oh, are you leaving?
20:32A sexual worker is done.
20:34Okay.
20:34Do you have a car coming?
20:35No.
20:36But things tend to work out for me.
20:38I have no needs.
20:40Only wants that come true.
20:47He's gonna be fine.
20:49Oh.
20:52Oh, wow.
20:53It's morning.
20:55How long are we down there?
20:56Six seasons, 16 episodes per season, 44 minutes per episode.
21:01Took 70 hours.
21:02Mom, it's Sunday.
21:04You missed church.
21:06Well, I needed it.
21:07I had to turn my brain off and get a break from the insanity.
21:10Now I'm recharged, ready to face the world.
21:14Women aren't allowed to do what now?
21:16What an episode.
21:18For all of us here at X Peninsula, I'm Tug Chase and I'm AI.
21:23I'm Tug Chase.
21:24Good night, everybody.
21:25Good night.
21:26Good night.iyiAAAAAAAAAA
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