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00:24I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:26In the news this week...
00:29Trump's tariffs meet the Supreme Court.
00:35Kid Rock entertains RFK Jr.
00:42Questions remain over Pam Bondi's handling of the Epstein files.
00:50On Emberstein tonight, he's a comedian and writer who's worked on The Daily Show, The Office,
00:54Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Blackish, Sister, Sister, Insecure.
00:57Tonight, we see if he can get me Jack A's phone number.
01:01It's Larry Wilmore.
01:07And joining Michael is a comedian, actor, and writer whose new book, Chore Play, The Marriage-Saving Magic of Getting
01:15Your Head Out of Your Ass, is available anywhere that has heads or asses.
01:19It's Jordan Carlos.
01:24Michael, Jordan, welcome to a very special All Black, Black History Month panel.
01:30Yes.
01:30Yes.
01:32No.
01:33No.
01:34Wow.
01:34Yeah.
01:35Your last name's Black.
01:36Oh, I get to play.
01:37All Black.
01:38Time for the biggest stories of the week.
01:40Let's play The Feud.
01:41Amber, Larry, watch the clip.
01:43Tell me, what is the story?
01:45The story is about Trump.
01:47He has bins coming into town.
01:50Tariffs.
01:50Tariffs.
01:51Yeah.
01:51And everyone was like, no, you don't.
01:53Bad.
01:54Bad.
01:55Yes, the story is the Supreme Court struck down Trump's sweeping tariffs, upending a central plank of his economic agenda.
02:02He was hosting a breakfast with governors when he got the news.
02:06Apparently, the breakfast had been going well, they were working together, and then President Trump became enraged.
02:12He started ranting about the decision, not only calling it a disgrace, but started attacking the courts.
02:18At one point saying, these effing courts, but using the actual language there.
02:23We know that President Trump does use expletives on quite often.
02:27Trump elected himself, and our effing president addressed the news from the White House Aquarium this afternoon.
02:37Is he on American Idol?
02:40In reference to having the tariffs getting slapped down by SCOTUS, what do you think?
02:46Give me a word that the President used.
02:48Un-American.
02:49He was ashamed of them.
02:51I'm ashamed of certain members of the court.
02:54Absolutely ashamed for not having the courage to do what's right for our country.
02:59They're very unpatriotic and disloyal to our Constitution.
03:03It's my opinion that the court has been swayed by foreign interests and a political movement that is far smaller
03:10than people would ever think.
03:12It's a small movement.
03:16Small.
03:17I'm afraid of that word movement.
03:20What part of the decision was President Trump most angry about?
03:25They didn't mention Melania, the movie.
03:29Probably that he has to go through Congress.
03:31He was so offended that he would have to do that.
03:33President Trump was mad that the decision limits a lot of his powers.
03:38Here's how he described it.
03:39To show you how ridiculous the opinion is, however, the court said that I'm not allowed to charge even one
03:46dollar.
03:46I can't charge one dollar.
03:49Can't charge a dollar.
03:51I would have used one penny, but we don't make the pennies anymore.
03:54We save money.
03:55I can do anything I want, but I can't charge one dollar.
03:58You ever seen them furniture commercials in the 80s where the dude would be like, they say I can't do
04:03it, but come on down.
04:05And I'm going to charge you my dollar.
04:08Get that couch for my dollar.
04:09I'm crazy doll.
04:10And I got that couch for my dollar.
04:14Also in front of the American Idol Aquarium, a president made a big announcement during this briefing.
04:20What was the big announcement he made?
04:21He didn't poop his pants this time.
04:26Sorry, it's a rumor.
04:28Allegedly.
04:29In the briefing, Trump announced defiantly, we're going to do more tariffs than ever before.
04:37Today, I will sign an order to impose a 10% global tariff under Section 122 over and above our
04:44normal tariffs.
04:45Why do you think he feels so sad and betrayed by the Supreme Court?
04:51And to be honest, I thought he owned the Supreme Court.
04:55Turns out he doesn't totally own the Supreme Court.
04:59And that's good news.
05:00Yeah.
05:00I feel like this is the one that they give you, like the Supreme Court just gives the American people
05:03to throw you off the scent.
05:04Yep.
05:04Oh, no, we always care about them.
05:07Give them tariffs, but yeah, them women voting.
05:13I think part of why Trump felt so betrayed is because according to him, he had tried to be so
05:18nice to the court.
05:20I want to be very well-behaved because I wanted to do anything.
05:25I didn't want to do anything that would affect the decision of the court.
05:28Because I understand the court.
05:31I understand how they are very easily swayed.
05:35I want to be a good boy.
05:37Oh, my God.
05:39Is he living the end of Pinocchio?
05:41He's just like, I've been a good boy and now I'll be a real boy.
05:46I'm like, why is he doing that?
05:48Yeah.
05:49Let's just say that the Supreme Court has decided you cannot collect tariffs.
05:54Mm-hmm.
05:55But up until that decision, you have been collecting tariffs.
05:59Does he have to give the money back?
06:01Boy!
06:02Oh!
06:03He's not gonna like this.
06:05Question.
06:05Which retail giant is part of a lawsuit to recoup their lost tariff money?
06:12JCPenney.
06:16I said giant.
06:17Oh.
06:20Hey, they had they run.
06:21I'm not shitting on JCPenney.
06:23Yeah.
06:24Who are we talking about today?
06:25It feels like you're doing that.
06:27Montgomery Ward.
06:28They closed the war.
06:30It's probably Costco because everybody goes to Costco.
06:32Points.
06:33It's Costco.
06:35A bunch of companies have already drawn the lawsuit to get their money back,
06:38including Costco, Revlon, Bumblebee Tuna, and Kawasaki.
06:44Oh.
06:44I ain't no Bumblebee Tuna had that gangsta in them.
06:47I know.
06:48I love Kawasaki sneaking in there.
06:50Uh, we're made in America.
06:54The irony of it is that Costco is the one place where you can get tuna and a Kawasaki.
06:58That's true.
06:59That's true.
07:00Probably why it happened.
07:01When you really think about the tariff situation,
07:03and if these companies are gonna sue the American government to be reimbursed for the tariffs,
07:06that was passed on to us in the form of increased shipping costs, increased tax costs.
07:12Why can't I get my refund on the stuff that I ordered?
07:15I think we got $200 billion of tariff money.
07:21My suggestion, reparations.
07:24Happy Black History Month, everybody.
07:37Oh, that shit ain't gonna happen.
07:40In the form of a Costco cart.
07:45But yes, according to President Trump, the American people loved the tariffs.
07:50I made a speech at a factory.
07:52They made steel products.
07:53And I said, uh, how are you?
07:55Nice to meet you.
07:56How's business?
07:58President, I'd love to kiss you.
08:00This is a very powerful man.
08:02I don't want to be kissed by that man.
08:04He said, sir, I want to kiss you so badly.
08:06He said, sir, I want to kiss you.
08:08I said, why?
08:09He said, because we were down to working one hour a week.
08:12And then you came in and imposed tariffs.
08:15Trump always sounds like they just gave him the anesthesia.
08:19And he's like, you know, he's trying so hard to stay awake.
08:26And then the guy said, may I kiss you?
08:28I don't want to kiss you.
08:29I don't know.
08:30So Trump does understand the concept of consent.
08:33That wasn't always clear, but it seems like that.
08:40Did that really happen?
08:45Do you think the president was actually accosted sensually by a steel worker?
08:51That someone would come up to him and go, I really want to kiss you.
08:54And then he would go, why?
08:57Like, what?
08:59Do you want to find out why?
09:01Or do you want to get the fuck out of there?
09:03And what does that have to do with the story?
09:06I thought it was about tariffs.
09:08And he's like, and there was in this hot Georgia warehouse.
09:13This totally buff man came up to me.
09:15He had a six pack.
09:16It was almost an eight pack.
09:19He was holding baby on.
09:21Oh my God.
09:23Oh, that's where it goes too far?
09:28Shirtless steel worker, good.
09:30Michael and Jordan, watch the clip.
09:32Tell me, what is the story?
09:34Oh, there's Stephen Colbert.
09:36And that's not Stephen Colbert.
09:38That's...
09:39Oh, I know who that is.
09:40Censorship, censorship.
09:41I know who that is.
09:41This has something to do with Colbert and the interview with,
09:47what's his face, James Tallarico.
09:49Yes.
09:49And then the CBS, WB, Paramount thing.
09:53It's all of that.
09:53The story is the drama at CBS.
09:56A lot of government censorship.
09:57There's corporate acquisitions on the horizon.
09:59And a high stakes election that all came together this week.
10:03But let's start with the host of The Late Show, Stephen Colbert.
10:06You know who is not one of my guests tonight?
10:09That's Texas State Representative James Tallarico.
10:13He was supposed to be here, but we were told in no uncertain terms
10:17by our network's lawyers, who called us directly,
10:20that we could not have him on the broadcast.
10:23Then...
10:24Then I was told in some uncertain terms
10:27that not only could I not have him on,
10:29I could not mention me not having him on.
10:32I believe everything Stephen said.
10:34I love that his show's getting blacker every week.
10:37Because the level of not giving a fuck just keeps increasing.
10:41It just... And I love to see it.
10:43About, like, the week before Colbert ends,
10:45he's just gonna be on air.
10:47Bitch, please.
10:47Exactly.
10:49Exactly.
10:50What reason did Stephen say CBS gave him
10:53for censoring the Tallarico interview?
10:56You have to have people from the Democratic Party
10:58and the Republican Party on equally.
11:01Yes.
11:02Equal time.
11:02Absolutely.
11:03But in this case, it was only Democrats.
11:05There were no Republicans,
11:06so the equal time only applies to just other candidates,
11:09not other parties.
11:10They would have had to have on his opponent,
11:12Jasmine Crockett,
11:13and then she came out a few days later
11:15and she said, that's bullshit.
11:16I've been on Colbert twice already.
11:19Yeah.
11:19So that's clearly not the reason.
11:20But what's weird about CBS adhering to this equal time rule
11:23is that this has not been applied to late-night talk shows
11:26in decades.
11:28Mm-mm.
11:29But this January, the FCC under Brendan Carr,
11:3147 years old, if you were guessing.
11:33Is that his real age?
11:35Yeah. Okay.
11:35I'm 47.
11:37I'm 47.
11:37We're the same age as this guy?
11:39Yes, and he looks younger than both of you.
11:42I'm 48.
11:43Oh, my God.
11:44Do we look greater?
11:46Is he almost dead?
11:47You know what...
11:49You know what they say about us.
11:51Black don't cry.
11:52That's right.
11:53That's right.
11:54What are you...
11:54You know what they say.
11:56Hey, that's how Stephen Colbert
11:57gonna be talking in a...
12:01Most people had never even heard of James Tallarico.
12:04No offense, James Tallarico,
12:05but he got more out of this because they didn't air it.
12:08There were more people viewing it on, um, on that.
12:11So it wasn't about this.
12:12It's just about trying to kowtow ahead of time.
12:15They're paying it forward to the Trump administration.
12:17I blame CBS for this.
12:19CBS denied that they made any demands,
12:21and Colbert called that crap.
12:24Brendan Carr caught wind of everything
12:26that was going on between Colbert and CBS,
12:28and he said...
12:29I think yesterday was a perfect encapsulation
12:31of why the American people have more trust
12:34in gas station sushi than they do
12:35in the national news media.
12:38And it's a very personal reference.
12:39I think he's obviously eaten gas station sushi.
12:43According to Tallarico's campaign,
12:45the interview has over 40 million views
12:48on social media after it did not air.
12:51Tallarico says that he raised $2.5 million.
12:56Okay.
12:56Panel, how do you think this windfall
12:58for Tallarico's campaign
12:59is going to impact the race in Texas?
13:02I think it's what the Republicans don't want.
13:04I have to cuss a little bit,
13:06so I apologize for that,
13:07but here's what these motherfuckers really want to do.
13:10They would love it if Jasmine Crockett
13:13got upset about this,
13:14and if she actually won that race.
13:16They think that a black woman can't be senator of Texas.
13:19They want her to beat Tallarico.
13:21That's why they're making a fuss about this.
13:23Okay?
13:23They don't want...
13:24They don't want Tallarico to get all this money
13:27and all this stuff.
13:28If she becomes a candidate,
13:29then they get their wish,
13:30because they don't think she stands a chance
13:31in the Senate race in Texas.
13:33That's what's really going down.
13:34Oh, my God, that's true!
13:36Oh, no!
13:38Do you think she could win in Texas?
13:40Never underestimate the value of talented politicians,
13:43because policy is never as important as personality.
13:47Never.
13:47Jasmine Crockett is a star.
13:49Mm-hmm.
13:50You know, I think she has a good chance in Texas.
13:52I believe it's turning more blue
13:53than it is red these days.
13:54What major business story dropped this week
13:57that puts all of this CBS nonsense into context?
14:01Um, is it the acquisition, uh, rumors?
14:03Uh, CBS's parent company is still trying
14:06to buy Warner Bros.,
14:08despite Warner already having an agreement
14:10with Netflix.
14:12On Tuesday, Warner Bros. Discovery
14:14restarted deal talks with Paramount's Skydance,
14:17which owns CBS.
14:19So now it seems like the memo's going out
14:21among Republicans to go after Netflix.
14:23Uh, two weeks ago, senators held a hearing
14:24where they grilled, uh, CEO Ted Sarandos
14:27about buying Warner's.
14:28Question.
14:29What was Republicans' biggest concern about Netflix?
14:33Netflix is too woke.
14:35Are we right now on stolen land?
14:40I don't...
14:40I have no idea of the history of this land,
14:43of this, of where we're sitting today.
14:44Nor do I, Senator.
14:46So that speaks volumes that neither of you
14:48are willing to say,
14:49hell no, we're not on stolen land.
14:51Why is it that so much of Netflix content
14:54for children promotes a transgender ideology?
14:59Trans?
14:59What Peppa Pig he watching?
15:03Just for the record,
15:04I was joking when I said they're too woke.
15:06I didn't know that was the answer.
15:08Whether Paramount or Netflix gets Warner Bros.,
15:10it could come down to the personalities
15:12that are in play,
15:12including that of a Paramount Skydance CEO,
15:15Trump ally, David Ellison.
15:17Wow.
15:18Like a young business casual Frankenstein.
15:23It's business casual Frankenstein's monster.
15:27Come on, boy!
15:29Come on!
15:30People have concerns about Ellison's plans
15:33for the entertainment industry,
15:34but don't feel bad.
15:36Ellison is a guy who loves the movies.
15:38Question,
15:39what job did David Ellison once have in Hollywood
15:43when he was getting a star 20 years ago?
15:45He was a PA.
15:47He was an actor.
15:48Really?
15:49Here he is in the 2006 movie Flyboys
15:52being interrogated as a suspected spy.
15:56I robbed a bank.
15:58I was in debt to a bookie,
16:00and I needed the money.
16:01I think we all will continue to trust him with our lives
16:05and the off chance that one day
16:07he might actually hit something.
16:15Bigger question.
16:16That's good.
16:18Why did we not know that J.D. Vance
16:20was also in this movie?
16:23Wow.
16:25Those were the hillbilly elegy years.
16:28Yeah.
16:29How do you think critics reacted?
16:31They did not like it.
16:33They did not like it.
16:33The New York Times called it,
16:35stupidity carried beyond a certain point
16:37becomes a public menace.
16:38God!
16:39And that is what historians will say
16:41about the Trump administration.
16:43The movie was bankrolled in part by his father,
16:47Oracle founder and CEO Larry Ellison.
16:50When Flyboys failed to take off,
16:52David Ellison was so stressed about losing his pops' money
16:55that he had to be hospitalized.
16:57Quote,
16:58Mm.
16:58The reaction to Flyboys had so unsettled David
17:00that he experienced an episode of atrial fibrillation.
17:04No!
17:04What?
17:05Doctors had to shock his heart...
17:07No!
17:07...back into rhythm.
17:08So he is kind of a Frankenstein.
17:14So he is kind of a Frankenstein.
17:17Now, there's a lot of talk about
17:19which way the Warner thing is gonna go.
17:21Does it get sold to Netflix?
17:22Do they get sold to Paramount?
17:24I think if Paramount buys it,
17:27Trump directly gets to have a say with CNN.
17:30And, look, you can't really blame him.
17:32If you're gonna be a real fascist,
17:33you should control media, you know?
17:36I mean, that's what you're supposed to...
17:37He's only doing what he's supposed to do, Roy.
17:40He's being a good boy.
17:42Get off his back.
17:43Yeah, yeah.
17:45Yeah.
17:50Welcome back.
17:52It is time for the Offend-O-Meter.
17:54Teams have to tell us who's the offender,
17:56what they did, and who they offended.
17:59Who is this offender?
18:01Deputy Dog.
18:04He just looks like anybody
18:06from any Ricky Gervais show.
18:08Yeah.
18:08Yeah.
18:09Yeah, he is.
18:11This is a British person.
18:12Okay.
18:13Did he arrest Prince Andrew?
18:14That's right!
18:15Oh, yeah!
18:16Nice!
18:18Both of y'all hit it from half court.
18:20Holy shit!
18:21Yes!
18:21That man?
18:22Yes!
18:23Prince Andrew?
18:24Yeah, show some respect for
18:26Thames Valley Police Assistant Chief Constable
18:29Oliver Wright.
18:31Doesn't he look like an adult Dewey
18:32from Malcolm in the Middle?
18:33Yes!
18:34Yes!
18:35That's very good.
18:36That's what happened to him.
18:37Yes!
18:37Thames Valley Police Assistant Chief Constable
18:39Oliver Wright offended former Prince Andrew
18:42Mountbatten-Windsor by arresting him.
18:44Does anyone know the significance of the date of the arrest?
18:49It was in Black History Month.
18:52Yeah.
18:53That's right!
18:54Other than that.
18:55Which is a global celebration.
18:57Oh, is his birthday?
18:58Yes!
18:59Trust yourself!
19:02You were correct!
19:03You did it!
19:03Thank you guys!
19:04Good job, teammate.
19:05Good job!
19:06Former Prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor
19:08was arrested on his birthday!
19:11Dang!
19:12Yes, in front of all the teenagers he had over, too.
19:15Oh!
19:17Worst birthday ever.
19:18Now, does anyone know what the birthday boy was arrested for?
19:22Oddly enough, it was for sharing confidential trade information
19:27with Epstein.
19:29That's correct.
19:30Andrew was arrested for suspicion of misconduct in public office.
19:35Uh, here's the story.
19:36Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor was arrested at the private estate
19:39of his brother, King Charles, about three hours north of London.
19:42On suspicion, Andrew, as trade envoy in the 2000s,
19:45shared confidential information with Jeffrey Epstein
19:48about investment opportunities around the world.
19:51I don't care if he was arrested for farting in an elevator.
19:54I want that bitch to be under the jail.
19:56Yes.
19:57Agreed.
19:59Uh, question?
20:01How's his brother reacting?
20:03He literally just threw him under the bus.
20:04It was fantastic.
20:05He's keeping calm and carrying calm.
20:07Yes, he is.
20:09In a statement, uh, his brother, King Charles, said, quote,
20:12let me state clearly, the law must take its course.
20:16That was really good.
20:18That's basically, that's, that's British for just,
20:20hey, good luck, big dog.
20:22You on your own.
20:24Exactly.
20:24I don't know what to tell you.
20:25They got you, dog.
20:26They got you.
20:27Now, second question, how did President Trump
20:30feel about the arrest?
20:32I think he was probably, like, he did that thing
20:33where he's like, uh...
20:34Wishing the best of luck.
20:35Wishing the best of luck.
20:36I don't know.
20:36I don't know anymore.
20:38According to Trump, the whole thing is a damn shame.
20:42Well, you know, I'm the expert in a way
20:44because I've been totally exonerated.
20:45That's very nice.
20:46I can actually speak about it very nicely.
20:48I think it's a shame.
20:49I think it's very sad.
20:51I think it's so bad for the royal family.
20:53What does he think is a shame, exactly?
20:56Does he think it's a shame that Andrew got arrested
20:59or that Andrew was having sex with children?
21:03Because he's not clear at all.
21:04He's saying it's a shame for the royal family.
21:05But he's not saying what the shame is.
21:08No, he's Trump.
21:09He's clear.
21:10Yeah.
21:12Question.
21:13What is the historical significance of Andrew's arrest?
21:18The last time a British monarch was arrested...
21:21Hit him.
21:22Uh...
21:22It was in the 1600s when King Charles was arrested
21:27because of the British Civil War.
21:29Mmm.
21:30Goddamn.
21:31You're good.
21:31Come on.
21:32Do it.
21:32Say it.
21:33Point.
21:34Yeah!
21:35Yes!
21:35It's been like 400 years or something.
21:37Wow.
21:38Also, Britain and parts of Europe,
21:40they like to chop off the heads of their monarchs, too,
21:43you know?
21:43So this is, uh...
21:45They haven't done that type of thing in a long time, so...
21:47To that point, Larry, the last time a royal was arrested
21:50was almost 400 years ago.
21:52And that royal's name, King Charles I...
21:55Yep.
21:55during the English Civil Wars, and Charles I was beheaded...
22:01Pop!
22:01...for treason.
22:02Yeah?
22:03What?
22:04I just love that even 400 years ago, there was still, like,
22:06a courtroom sketch artist, like...
22:09...a behead...
22:10That's a terrible drawing.
22:11That looked like the Diddy sketch artist drawing.
22:14Oh!
22:15What is that?!
22:17That's the same sketch artist, didn't it?!
22:20But I guess the good news in the midst of all of this
22:22is that at least one person is being held accountable
22:25for their actions.
22:26Yay!
22:26You know, Andrew's been arrested,
22:28and then on top of the arrest,
22:29all of his properties are being searched,
22:31and his own brother, the King of England,
22:35says, you're on your own,
22:36which would explain why when, uh, he got let out of jail,
22:39he looked like this.
22:42Oh, my God!
22:46Let's see your offender.
22:48Who are these offenders?
22:50It's Harry Belafonte, Al Bundy.
22:54Al Bundy?
22:55I don't recognize a single one of those assholes.
22:57These guys are...
22:57They're definitely congressmen, then.
22:58I'm kind of offended right now.
23:00Those are three of Kentucky's Republican Senate
23:03primary candidates, Daniel Cameron,
23:06Nate Morris, and Andy Barr.
23:09Yes.
23:09Who did the three of these gentlemen offend?
23:12Well, the black guy offended himself.
23:17I'm Republa what?
23:19Oh, buddy.
23:20Are they running for her?
23:21For what are they running for?
23:22Senate in Kentucky, they're all...
23:23Oh, Senate.
23:23Did they offend Mitch McConnell?
23:25Points!
23:25Yes? That was just a wild guess.
23:27Yeah.
23:27Cameron Morrison Barr offended retiring
23:29Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell.
23:31Oh, come on!
23:32Come on!
23:34That's the best picture you can find?
23:35Yes, that is literally the best picture.
23:38That's the best picture?
23:39The best picture ever looked.
23:40To find that Mitch McConnell picture at home,
23:42you just Google,
23:43Mitch McConnell, Bill Cosby impersonation.
23:48Now, how did Cameron Morris and Barr offend Mitch McConnell?
23:53They offended him by walking up to him and going like this.
23:56Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
23:59Okay.
24:00You ain't right.
24:01That's all.
24:01They offended Senator Turtle by distancing themselves...
24:05By distancing themselves from him in their respective Senate campaigns.
24:10Now, why is it weird that these three Republicans running for a Kentucky seat are bashing the Republican Mitch McConnell?
24:20Is it because he didn't like Trump? Or he... he was on Trump's bad list or something, so they wouldn't
24:25get on his good list?
24:26It's weird that they're going so hard against Mitch McConnell because they're all former Mitch McConnell interns.
24:37They used to pick up the dry cleaning, pick up the food, handle the dribble with the rag.
24:43He did everything for this man, and now they're bashing this man.
24:47In fact, we got video.
24:48Here's a video of Daniel Cameron just days after announcing his run, and he criticizes Mitch.
24:54Now, what we saw from Mitch McConnell in voting against Pete Hegseff, Tulsi Gabbard, and RFK was just flat-out
25:01wrong.
25:01If I was in the Senate, I would have voted for those nominees because I recognize it reflects your values.
25:07Yeah, Mitch McConnell's not even Trumpy enough anymore.
25:10Right.
25:10And they're like, mm-mm-mm, we're all the way Trump.
25:14Here's an ad that Nate Morris is running.
25:17I'm Nate Morris, a Trump America First conservative, and I'm here to take out the trash.
25:21I know a little bit about garbage.
25:23And Mitch McConnell, he's trash Trump.
25:26And for over 40 years, he's been dumping on us.
25:30He knows a lot about trash.
25:32What is going on?
25:33I mean, I feel so bad for Kentucky right now.
25:37What's the other big issue going on right now in the Kentucky Republican Senate primary?
25:41Moonshine?
25:42Frag chicken?
25:43The derby is coming up.
25:44Don't we just stop.
25:46Don't we just name in Kentucky shit?
25:48No.
25:49Chicken?
25:50No, no, no.
25:51Horse racing?
25:51Muhammad Ali's birth home?
25:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:54That's a good one.
25:55Oh, okay.
25:55Here's Andy Barr with an interesting talking point.
25:58You know what DEI really stands for?
26:01Dumb, evil, indoctrination.
26:03Thanks to Trump, America is rejecting that trash.
26:07And I'm leading the fight to end it for good.
26:10I'm Andy Barr.
26:11It's not a sin to be white.
26:17There is a sin to be black.
26:18Agree to disagree.
26:19Yeah, yeah.
26:21Are we talking venal sin or mortal sin?
26:23Yeah.
26:24Question to the panel.
26:26Between Mitch McConnell and the super mega interns, whose side are we on?
26:29I can't believe I'm saying this but I feel for Mitch McConnell.
26:32You know, it's like.
26:32Like, he gave these guys a chance, and what do they do?
26:35They turn on Mitch, you know?
26:37It's like, what is this, Michigas?
26:41That was the Fender Meter. We'll be right back.
26:51Welcome back.
26:53It is time for Missing Words.
26:56Here's your headline.
26:58Meta patents AI that blank.
27:00Gets you pregnant.
27:03That's probably coming while you're bullshitting.
27:06That's what the AI is called, too.
27:07Probably coming.
27:13Meta patents AI that takes over a dead person's account to keep posting and chatting.
27:18Oh, no!
27:20To what end? For who?
27:22I don't know. Just keep it alive. I'm still in the party.
27:25I'm dead, but I'm still here, baby. What's happening today?
27:29The patent describes a model that will simulate a user even when they're not on social media.
27:35Quote, including cases where a person is on a long break or deceased.
27:40The patent also suggests that Meta might include technology that could simulate audio or even video calls using the reconstructed
27:50persona.
27:51So it could make a simulated FaceTime that look just like the dead person that you want to talk to
27:55and then it sounds like him.
27:57So even AI has a cameo?
28:01Question around the panel.
28:02What dead person would you want to have a chit-chat with?
28:05Oh, my gosh.
28:05Tupac.
28:06AI Tupac.
28:07Yeah.
28:07To ask him what?
28:08How you doing?
28:13Well, I have some terrifying news.
28:15The future of this technology is now.
28:17Oh.
28:18Here's an ad for a product co-founded by former Disney star Callumworthy, and I cannot stress this enough.
28:25The person in this commercial is supposed to be his dead grandmother.
28:29Oh.
28:29Look who's going to be a great grandmother.
28:31Oh, Charlie.
28:32Oh, congratulations.
28:35She says that he's been kicking a lot, though.
28:36Like, a little too much.
28:38Tell her to put her hand on her tummy and hum to him.
28:43You loved that.
28:46You would have loved this moment.
28:48You can call anytime.
28:50Whoa.
28:51Great.
28:52I wanted to sleep tonight, but I guess.
28:54Yeah.
28:55Sounds like she was setting up a booty call or something.
28:58But she's dead, so he'd get ghosted.
29:01Yeah, absolutely.
29:04You didn't know the grandma.
29:07It's a solid joke.
29:09You acted like you knew that old fake Dan Whiteley.
29:12Here's your headline.
29:14We blank twice as much as previously thought, scientists discover from new smart blank.
29:20I think it's farting.
29:21We fart so much.
29:23Nobody else?
29:24Okay, we fart twice as much as previously thought, discovered from smart farts, which is smart farts.
29:32Yeah, smart farts, new app coming out.
29:34But how would that work?
29:35How would smart farts measure farts?
29:37It's like that old saying, whoever measured it, treasured it.
29:40And that's the whole point of the smart fart app.
29:45Here's the answer.
29:47We fart twice as previously thought.
29:51Oh, my God!
29:52That was discovered from new smart underwear.
29:57Smart fart underwear, man.
29:58I bought it on Zon.
29:59Oh, my God!
30:01Jordan!
30:01Uh, researchers at the University of Maryland, who partially rely on public funding, have
30:08been studying flatulence.
30:10Money well spent.
30:11They've developed something called smart underwear.
30:13Mm-hmm.
30:13There's a sensor that communicates with an app.
30:16And so, to know if something's wrong with you, you got too much hydrogen, you have something
30:19going on in your belly, go to the doctor.
30:21But why hear about it from me when you can hear from a real fart expert?
30:27My name is Brantley Paul.
30:28I'm an assistant professor in the University of Maryland.
30:30Here's the problem.
30:31We don't know how often humans fart.
30:33Yeah.
30:34That's true.
30:34I'm not making this up.
30:35This also measures the rate of decline of Western civilization.
30:44We need more information.
30:46Go on, Brantley.
30:47Early testing has revealed something interesting.
30:49We found that people farted an average of 32 times per day, not 10 to 15.
30:54And we captured some people farting more than 50 times a day, while others only farted
30:58once or twice.
30:59So he did all that work, but he doesn't know.
31:02He was like, some people fart never, and some people only ever fart.
31:10That's missing words.
31:11More after the break.
31:23It is time for Like Curious.
31:26I give you three biographical details about a public figure, but only one is true.
31:30You have to guess which is the truth and which are filthy, funky lies.
31:35Time for three facts about DHS advisor and like a gym teacher who got suspended for shaking
31:40children.
31:42That is Corey Lewandowski.
31:45Our facts are he was arrested in 1997 for assaulting a Hot Topic employee.
31:50God damn.
31:51That's great.
31:51His signature drink is a strawberry daiquiri with protein powder.
31:55Wow.
31:56That's a good one.
31:56He brought a loaded gun into a congressional office building.
32:00That is so true.
32:01Which is the truth?
32:02Team Amber.
32:02I like the loaded gun.
32:04We choose loaded gun.
32:06Okay.
32:06Daiquiri with protein powder.
32:08I want it to be true.
32:09But which bars have protein powder?
32:12None of them.
32:13Yeah.
32:13Hot Topic.
32:14Final answer.
32:15Hot Topic.
32:16Corey Lewandowski brought a loaded gun into a congressional office building.
32:22Of course he did.
32:23In 1999, Lewandowski attempted to enter the Longworth House office building where he worked with a
32:28handgun, three magazines, a holster, several rounds of ammunition.
32:33And when he was arrested, he claimed the gun accidentally got mixed up with his dirty
32:37clothes and an overnight bag.
32:38Oh, dude.
32:39Yes.
32:40Now, earlier this month, Lewandowski and his wink, wink, nudge, nudge co-worker, Christy
32:46Noem, were in the news for firing someone.
32:48Who did they give the pink slip to and why?
32:52I think I know this.
32:53They fired.
32:54Yes.
32:54A person that flew them.
32:56Yes.
32:57What do we call those people?
33:00Yes.
33:01Yes.
33:01They fired a pilot.
33:02They fired a pilot.
33:03Okay.
33:04Uh, do you remember why?
33:05They left something on the plane.
33:06They left something on the plane or something like that.
33:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:08I don't know if they were making out of that plane.
33:11Oh, they left their dignity on the plane.
33:14I don't think they'd ever got on the plane.
33:16Yes.
33:17Yes.
33:18According to the Wall Street Journal, Lewandowski fired a U.S. Coast Guard pilot after Christy
33:23Noem's blanket was left behind on a plane.
33:28Now, does anyone know what the issue was with firing, uh, the pilot?
33:32They were currently in the air?
33:35No.
33:37They had to get back and there was no pilot.
33:41If you fire the pilot, who's going to fly you back?
33:43Y'all are pretty much on point.
33:45Here's the Wall Street Journal reporter spelling it out.
33:47The flight crew forgot to move her blanket onto her new flight.
33:51And so she fired the pilot out of retaliation.
33:55But then realized she had no way of getting home.
33:58So she had to reinstate the pilot to fly her home.
34:01Everyone who has anything to do with ICE has an anger problem.
34:06That's why you have anything to do with ICE.
34:08So of course she shot off her nose to spite her face.
34:12I agree with that.
34:12Does anyone know what Corey Lewandowski's side project is?
34:16Is it Christy Noem?
34:19That's a side piece.
34:21It's different.
34:22Oh, sorry.
34:23I'll give you a hint and you only.
34:25All right.
34:25You also have this side project.
34:27Oh.
34:28Oh my God.
34:28Is he on Cameo?
34:30Point.
34:31No way.
34:34Corey Lewandowski is on Cameo.
34:37No.
34:38Here's Corey letting it hang all out on Cameo.
34:41Mickey, your daddy, Papa Dickie, reached out to me and told me that you're toilet training.
34:45You must be a very special little boy.
34:48But I hear that you're starting to use the big boy toilet.
34:51So congratulations and you're doing a great job with your poopies.
34:57How did this conversation, you know, honey, we need to encourage little Jimmy about his
35:03pooping.
35:04Can we get Corey Lewandowski to?
35:08Time for three facts about U.S. Senator and Nana who spent your entire inheritance on
35:14her thimble collection, Susan Collins.
35:16Susan Collins, baby.
35:17She eats at Chili's once a week.
35:19Her campaign YouTube page has exactly 26 subscribers.
35:25She lives three doors down from Stephen King.
35:29Team Michael, which one is the truth?
35:32You think Stephen King?
35:33Make it King.
35:34That feels too obvious, doesn't it?
35:36There's only two people that you know from Maine.
35:38That's true.
35:38They live next door to each other?
35:40Yeah.
35:40Do we?
35:41Yeah, Stephen King.
35:42We're going with Stephen King.
35:43They live next door to each other.
35:44I think it's Chili's.
35:45A girl eats at Chili's once a week.
35:48Susan Collins' Senate campaign YouTube page has exactly...
35:52Oh, my God.
35:53Six subscribers.
35:5627.
35:58But what's so crazy about that is there have to be more than 26 people who work on the
36:02campaign.
36:04I wonder if Stephen King is one of those.
36:07Now, what big announcement did Susan Collins make earlier this month to her, um, dozens?
36:13Dozens.
36:14Dozens.
36:15Everybody meet me at Chili's.
36:19My next door neighbor, Stephen King.
36:23Susan Collins announced that she's running for re-election, and she did it in the absolute
36:28coolest way possible.
36:30Oh, man.
36:31This is perfect for 2026, because I'm running.
36:40Susan Collins running for her sixth term is peculiar, because when she ran for her first
36:44term, she was 100% clear on one thing.
36:49If I'm elected, I will only serve two terms, regardless of whether term limits law, a constitutional
36:55amendment passes or not.
36:57I heard that was liked by 26 people.
37:01This has been Lycurious.
37:03More after the break.
37:11Welcome back.
37:11It's time for Which is Higher?
37:13I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news.
37:16You tell me.
37:17Which is higher?
37:18The number of presidents who kept possums around the White House's pets, or the number
37:23of presidents who kept raccoons around the White House?
37:26Damn, that's good.
37:27As pets.
37:27The fuck are these people doing?
37:31So, who would keep a possum?
37:33Andrew Jackson, obviously.
37:34Yep.
37:34Who would keep a raccoon?
37:36Teddy Roosevelt.
37:37So, that's one to one.
37:39I want to say raccoons.
37:41That's a trick question.
37:42It's got to be possums.
37:44Because raccoons are so adorable.
37:46Yeah, exactly.
37:46You would think it would be raccoons.
37:48You would think so.
37:48But ugly ass possums.
37:50There you go.
37:50Yep.
37:51The number of presidents who kept possums in the White House as pets is two.
37:55And the number of presidents who kept raccoons in the White House as pets is one.
38:00Come on!
38:02So, as of the time of this taping, the amount of presidents who kept possums is higher.
38:08Does anyone want to guess which president had raccoons?
38:12It does feel like T.R., right?
38:14Yeah, Teddy Roosevelt.
38:15He was like, look, I got a grizzly bear in the living room, you know?
38:18Yeah, T.R. is a good answer.
38:20But, hmm, could have been one of the shot presidents, too, you know?
38:23One of the shot?
38:26McKinley?
38:27Yeah, Garfield, McKinley.
38:29Let me make sure I understand this, Larry Wilmore.
38:31In your mind, American presidents are like classified.
38:35Slave owning.
38:36Slave presidents.
38:37Shot.
38:38Free slave.
38:38Yes.
38:39Shot.
38:39Yes.
38:40Obama.
38:41Yeah, pretty much.
38:43Pretty much, yeah.
38:44Uh, president Calvin Coolidge had raccoons.
38:47Of course it was Calvin Coolidge.
38:50Cool Cal, every time.
38:51Here's first lady Grace Coolidge with their raccoon, Rebecca.
38:55Oh.
38:56Which one is the raccoon?
38:59Damn, dog.
39:01But it turns out, uh, Rebecca wasn't originally meant to be a pet.
39:06One of Calvin Coolidge's supporters from Mississippi decided to send the Coolidge's
39:10a Thanksgiving dinner, and what he sent them was a live raccoon.
39:15They decided, well, we're going to keep her instead.
39:18There's a third option.
39:19Get that thing out of your fucking house.
39:22It's the raccoon.
39:23So we know about the raccoon.
39:25Meanwhile, with the possums, the president Hoover kept a possum named Billy Possum.
39:31Billy Possum.
39:32Seen here, reacting to the slaves being freed.
39:38Very happy possum.
39:39But Hoover wasn't the only possum lover in chief.
39:42Uh, there was another one.
39:44So, quick question.
39:45Hmm.
39:45Who was the other president to have a possum?
39:47Was it Benjamin Harrison, Zachary Tyler, or Frederick Pierce?
39:50I believe it was Zachary Taylor, right?
39:53That's what killed him.
39:54It's the guy on the left, Benjamin Harrison.
39:56The other two are not presidents.
39:58God!
40:00That guy?
40:02Possum owner?
40:02We remixed the name just a little bit.
40:04We're going to take a break and eat some possum.
40:07That was Richard Howard.
40:08That was Richard Howard.
40:11Welcome back.
40:13It's time for a game called Who's That Baby?
40:16Who's That?
40:17I'll show you a famous person's baby picture, and you tell me, who's that baby?
40:22Let's see the first baby.
40:24Clues about this baby are it's a two-time Grammy winner.
40:27Okay.
40:28They've co-written three best-selling thriller novels.
40:31Oh, what?
40:31And they passed bank deregulation that contributed to the 2008 financial crisis.
40:36This baby didn't do those things.
40:38I know who that baby is.
40:39Who that baby is?
40:40That baby is Newt Gingrich.
40:42Oh, nope.
40:42That baby is not Newt Gingrich.
40:45All right, I'll give you a hint.
40:46That baby in the Epstein files.
40:48Oh.
40:49Oh, no.
40:50Is that Bill Clinton?
40:52Points!
40:53No!
40:55That baby is President Bill Clinton.
40:59His Grammys are for narrating audio books.
41:02But Bill Clinton always had a passion for music.
41:04Question.
41:05What rock and roll icon did the future president grow up idolizing?
41:11Elvis.
41:11Elvis, yeah.
41:12Yes, it is Elvis Presley.
41:14Makes a lot of sense.
41:15They're both from the South.
41:16Both grew up poor.
41:17Both got rich stealing from black people.
41:20That was Who's That Baby.
41:22I want to thank our guests Larry Wilmore and Jordan Carlos.
41:25And of course, thank you to our team,
41:28Captain Tampa Ruffin and Michael Ian Black.
41:31Before we sign off,
41:33here are a few more stories we are watching.
41:37Bad boy made a boom boom.
41:42Yeah.
41:43Planet Fitness shuts down sauna over listeria concerns.
41:50I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:51And I'll see you next week for another episode of Have I Got News for You.
41:54And there are still seats available on Trump's board of peace.
41:57Jesse Jackson, we love you.
42:02You.
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