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Short filmTranscript
00:13I think he's finally going to announce my three-tier campaign for change no one having to look at food
00:17in the canteen that makes them feel uncomfortable the eradication of all JK Rowling books and the creation of a
00:22safe space for all to thrive
00:27settle down last thing we need is everyone spreading false rumors chill
00:33but the winner gets 10 grand an A star GCSE of their choice and a free Big Mac that's boss
00:38lad do you know the soldiers after we shit up yeah sorry and it's a nine not an A star
00:43I heard it's just an announcement about a new deputy head Nietzsche Day he's calling it proper dictator shit
00:52and it's got to be mrs. Roberts because she's blackmailing them about exposing their affair are we going to be
00:57victims of an oppressor
01:01or are we gonna stand up and fight back
01:03fight back
01:04so who's with me
01:05yeah
01:07hey
01:08I heard he's gonna publicly expel you as he's found out about all the deep fake porn you've made of
01:13mrs. Roberts
01:14Oh
01:15you on about, you
01:19beer
01:21everything
01:40good morning everyone as some of you may already be aware I wanted to use this
01:46assembly to discuss what it means to be part of Oldsbrook high school
01:55quiet this week marks the hundredth anniversary of our fine institution a hundred years of this
02:02school fueling futures building friendships molding minds so in honor of this momentous landmark
02:12we are going to host a celebration this Friday where pupils past and present
02:20can speak on how Oldsbrook has and will shape their legacies
02:28you all right yeah I'm all right are you all right I'm all right right so you're coming this thing
02:37on
02:37Friday then why are you giving a TED talk and I'll successfully cheat on your fella and I was thinking
02:42more of a TED talk of the dangers of online grooming oh well you have fun with that girl
02:46because I'm Friday I've got a taste yeah so I'm going here on the wall I don't know
03:02hello hello
03:08I'm never gonna dance again guilty feet I've got no rhythm though it's easy to pretend I know you're not
03:19a fool
03:20I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste the chance that I've been given
03:27so I'm never gonna dance again the way I dance with you
03:34are not funny Reese and getting me here under the promise of free dried apricots isn't funny either
03:39it was one kiss lad I didn't mean it I'm sorry lad please
03:46oh shit what's that Ben
03:48I know that I'm your homie I ain't just gonna let that go
03:54are you still up for the state though I don't want your feet hanging out on me
03:57I won't if you won't
04:00well let's make it interesting though
04:02how about a better
04:03oh go on then I reckon you're gonna get a bar ten sheet is way out of
04:07his league looks
04:09you're going higher all over
04:10I was thinking more
04:13I bet I can pick a better first date spot than you
04:15you're on lad
04:16anyway I'm used to all of that
04:18she's out of his league looks
04:20my ex was well fitter than you
04:26alright dad
04:26I've got this thing
04:28it's school Friday evening
04:31thinking of speaking at it
04:32it's about how school has shaped my legacy
04:35I was just wondering if you want to come down
04:38if not no worries just
04:40see you soon
04:41bye
04:44when was the last time you sawed him
04:47son of
04:48it's been a while
04:53I know you lad
04:55I can see you're a mess
04:58you almost lost your best mate Conor
05:01and then just when Clissy was getting over the death of his ma
05:04you break his heart again by kissing his bird
05:06and now your dad brutally bring you off
05:08having already neglected you for like six
05:10alright lad she's just crunched
05:11it's a lot actually
05:13but don't worry
05:14lad
05:15mum's got a solution
05:19awww
05:19lad what's that?
05:21when you know the future
05:22it's easier to prepare for it
05:23come on
05:24pick a number
05:25this one's for you mate
05:28five
05:28one two three four five
05:32Conor
05:32come on
05:33Rhett
05:36hmm
05:38what?
05:39you mate's gonna run away with a waiter from Uzbekistan called Mustapho
05:43I believe he does leave you a PS5 with FIFA though
05:47it's a black version like
05:49goody runnings and kickings
05:54we're gonna figure this all out
05:56that's what mates do innit
05:59come at
06:06here's your menus
06:07thank you
06:08thank you
06:09hmm
06:10not bad James
06:11not bad at all
06:12what admitting to feet or anything?
06:14oh no
06:14this place is shy compared to the place that I've picked
06:17but good effort
06:18well as said online
06:19it's one of the best date spots in the city
06:21hmm
06:22and clearly one of the most expensive too
06:24and there I was thinking you were a regular
06:29he soon will be
06:31seriously though mate
06:32you know what the best thing is about this place?
06:34kidsy free
06:35hmm
06:38kidsy free
06:40why don't I get us a bottle eh?
06:42aww
06:42you're alright
06:43you really don't have to
06:44oi
06:44waiter
06:45waiter
06:45waiter
06:48I'm just
06:49gonna use the
06:50yeah
06:57so what are you getting you then?
06:59what?
07:00for going on the date with him?
07:01oh
07:02no that's not
07:03don't worry girl
07:04we are all doing it
07:07get on this
07:10he bought me this today
07:12from Newlock and Bootle Strands
07:14oh
07:14go ahead
07:16I mean some girls get flowers to Dubai for a Chanel bag
07:19but it seems like you're living the dream
07:25thank you everybody for coming to this
07:27the 100th anniversary of Malzbrook School
07:30please take your way to the mall for the event of 2014
07:36what like that?
07:37sorry I'm only getting back to you now lad
07:39look I'm
07:40look I'm
07:40I'm not gonna make you think
07:42it's not really my scene
07:44all that emotional stuff
07:44maybe ask your ma
07:45yeah
07:46but I tell you what
07:47you did stare something in me though
07:48with all that legacy chat
07:50I must have had a proper good think about
07:52me own mark on the world
07:54and
07:54two words kept coming into me head
07:58top
08:00shagger
08:01I'm sick of you dad
08:07what if I'm not doing enough?
08:11Ella
08:11you must keep going
08:14without you
08:15my world is full of plastic
08:19but what if I'm doing the wrong thing?
08:21the only wrong thing is to turn a blind eye
08:25to the suffering in the world
08:27but what if I don't want to see the destruction and misery of the world?
08:31Ella
08:32this is your gift
08:34you must use it
08:38am I a voice to the voiceless?
08:40yes
08:43a voice to any
08:45and all
08:47who need you
08:51because we
08:52are
08:53one
08:56change you guilt
08:57get out of guilt
08:58get out of guilt
09:00get out of guilt
09:00the tables aren't going to shock you mate
09:05can you keep your hands to yourself?
09:08how am I?
09:09it's your ma
09:10we've had our fun this year haven't we?
09:12but I'm tired of the games
09:14the secrets
09:15the
09:16the
09:16the
09:16the
09:16the
09:17the
09:17the
09:17the
09:17the
09:17the
09:17the
09:17the
09:17the
09:18the
09:18the
09:18the
09:18the
09:18the
09:20the
09:22the
09:30the
09:32the
09:34the
09:35the
09:41She's there.
09:42Take it up.
09:44Take it up.
09:45Take it up.
09:47Take it up.
09:48Take it up.
09:53Yeah, it was me.
09:57Kieran Gibbons.
09:59I am your ma.
10:01Why'd you do it, lad?
10:02Because I'm sick of not being noticed.
10:04Of being nothing more than Lewis's right hand, lad.
10:07That's not true, lad.
10:09Isn't it?
10:10Mr Seven Wanks a day.
10:12Taking in all the glory while I'm sat here tugging myself raw doing ten a day and no one gives
10:15a shite.
10:16I give a shite, lad.
10:18I see you wanking.
10:20Lewis, get down.
10:21And I see it for what it really is.
10:23A cry for help.
10:25I see you wanking, lad.
10:27Listen.
10:28I'm not perfect, mate.
10:31Far from me.
10:32Some might even say I'm a bit of a perv.
10:34Yeah, 100%.
10:37But together, we can help each other.
10:43Together, we can be better.
10:47Wow.
10:49What a beautiful example of self-improvement, overcoming toxic masculinity.
10:55Hey!
10:56Play the video.
10:57What video?
10:58The video.
10:59The full thing.
11:01Now!
11:03Are we going to see it?
11:03If this is what it takes to get you to believe me, then so be it.
11:07All right.
11:08Soon you'll meet the right girl and you'll want more too.
11:12You reckon?
11:13Of course you will.
11:14Everyone loves you.
11:15I love you.
11:20She's a bad slaggy.
11:22What are you doing?
11:24I'm sorry.
11:24I didn't mean it.
11:25I love Christopher.
11:27Rhys, he's your mate.
11:27I know.
11:28I didn't mean anything by it.
11:29Just go home, Rhys.
11:31No way, lad.
11:32How do you not mean to kiss someone?
11:34You fucked it, lad.
11:36Amy, I'm so sorry.
11:38Yeah, well, it's a bit late for that now, isn't it?
11:40Oh, egg.
11:40Because if I need to provide evidence every time something goes wrong,
11:43if you can't trust me, then this isn't going to work.
11:46Fella.
11:46Good lucky fella.
11:48I want to see you, lad.
11:49No.
11:53All right.
11:55I admit, you did pretty good at this one.
11:58Pretty good?
12:00It's perfect.
12:01It's just a shit, Leo DiCaprio!
12:04Shit, Leo DiCaprio!
12:09Almost perfect.
12:11Hey, come here.
12:12I found a list of essential first aid questions.
12:15Whoa, hold on.
12:16Didn't realise I'd signed up for an interview.
12:19Well, they're essential, James.
12:20The internet says so.
12:22Right.
12:23If you could swap lives with any fictional character for the day,
12:27who would it be and why?
12:29Um, Winnie the Pooh?
12:32No, just chilling, eating honey with the boys.
12:35And sack off Eeyore, though, the little Muppet.
12:39What's the funniest memory you've created recently?
12:44Can I say any time I've been with you?
12:48You can.
12:52Oh, here's a good one.
12:53Where did you see yourself in five years?
12:56It's a big one, though.
12:57Is it?
12:57Well, yeah, well, where do you see yourself in five years?
13:01Er, in me mansion.
13:03Swimming in all my e-sports money and smoking cigars, obviously.
13:06But, like, seriously, though, like,
13:08do you ever think about that stuff?
13:11Like, the future and all that?
13:12Like, do you want to have kids?
13:14Settle down?
13:14Er, calm down.
13:15We've only just met.
13:17You know what I mean?
13:18Not now, but, like...
13:21Do you think you will?
13:22Well, I've been on five years now.
13:26There's so much that I want to do.
13:27Like, when I'm 21, I'm going to want to see the world,
13:35try different jobs and go on loads of adventures.
13:41What?
13:43It's just that...
13:46When I'm 21, I'm going to want my world to get bigger, aren't I?
13:51You'll be 30 and...
13:54You'll want your world to get smaller.
13:56Just kids, the house, settle down.
13:59We don't know the future.
14:00Yeah, I know that, but...
14:03I do know that the longer that we do this,
14:05the more painful it's going to get.
14:07What happened to not throwing this away?
14:08Because we're scared.
14:09It's not about being scared.
14:10It's about just being brave enough to see what's coming.
14:13So all that stuff you said the other night...
14:15I meant it.
14:16Like, I want this to work.
14:17So let's make it work.
14:17It does work, but...
14:19It doesn't matter how good things are now.
14:22It's just never going to be enough to deal with what's coming.
14:26Please don't do this.
14:29You know, it's almost as if it's just out of our control.
14:34Because it's going to happen whether we like it or not.
14:38That's why this has to end, James.
14:41I'm sorry.
14:45I'm sorry.
15:10It's Paul Potts, wasn't it?
15:13Paul Potts, Rhys.
15:16But I know it was you.
15:19It had Rhys Duffy written on over it.
15:23Mind you, most of the pupils in this school wouldn't have a clue who he was.
15:29You see, I know you, Rhys.
15:32I know you because I used to be like you.
15:36Always playing the fool for an easier life where nobody expected anything.
15:41The trouble with that is, you carry on like that out in the big, wide world and people believe that's
15:48who you are.
15:50There's no going back.
15:54Is that your speech?
15:57It was.
16:01If anyone should make a speech to you, Rhys, there's no greater example of what this school is all about
16:07than you.
16:08You've tried to exclude me six times.
16:11Yeah, I know.
16:13And you're still here.
16:17Because this school believes in bringing our potential, helping our pupils see the talent they have and not be scared
16:24by it.
16:26So you suck up everything this school has to offer.
16:30And when you're older, you'll be glad you did.
16:42Thank you, sir.
16:45You're welcome.
16:47By the way, you're on your final warning for what you did on the museum trip.
16:51What did I do?
16:52I know it was you that told those Japanese tourists that I'm Morgan Freeman.
17:04Hi.
17:05Hi, everyone.
17:08I'm Mr Dunn, as you all know.
17:10I'm your teacher.
17:14Anyway, tonight I am going to read a poem that I wrote for someone who has been with me throughout
17:21my Holzbrook journey.
17:23Someone who is very special to me.
17:27It's called The Night She Needed Him Most.
17:31A young boy.
17:34A young girl.
17:35A cycle of friendship.
17:38It's a romance.
17:40It's a friendship.
17:41Once more.
17:43It's the night she learned her life would change forever.
17:47The night where she was crippled with fear, panic, worry for what the future held.
17:57But it was on this night that he disappeared, consumed with fears of his own.
18:07The years passed and we grew.
18:11But whilst her fears would disappear, his regret lingered.
18:19Time moved forward.
18:21But he could only look back.
18:25Wishing he could do it all differently.
18:28Just wishing he could return.
18:32And be there for her.
18:34On the night she needed him most.
18:42What the hell was that?
18:44It didn't even ran.
18:54I wasted 16 years for that.
18:58Please stick around.
18:59Mr. Beecher will be giving his final dress shortly.
19:07Did I miss the TED talk?
19:10What are you doing here?
19:12Bunch of boring old tickets.
19:13Giving speeches about how the school's saying it's boring old tickets.
19:16How could I miss that?
19:23I entered things with James.
19:25What?
19:27Because of me?
19:28Nah, girl.
19:29Because of me.
19:36Hey, come on.
19:38At least you managed to escape that van of his.
19:42I have to speak about this girl, Harry Shea-Car legacy.
19:45What the fuck?
19:47I knew something was going on.
19:49Is this what you've been doing?
19:51Come around being a slag with old William Shightsby?
19:54Nah, fuck this.
19:56Shit.
19:57Rhys!
19:59Rhys!
20:00Rhys!
20:02Don't make me run after you, lad.
20:04And how dare you speak to me like that?
20:05Sorry, I...
20:06What, is that what you think of me?
20:07I'm a big slag.
20:08No, why?
20:09Because I'm going out, God forbid, trying to have my own life, working another job.
20:13One other job?
20:16Mum.
20:18I'm a housing officer.
20:19Sir, I got the job a couple of months ago.
20:23Mum, it's why I've been too busy all the time.
20:25Why didn't you tell me?
20:26Because I was scared I was going to fuck it up.
20:33I don't want you to think that I'm a failure.
20:36I'd never think that.
20:38I know you'll absolutely smash it.
20:41And even if you didn't, you'll never be a failure.
20:46Not to me.
20:48Look, Mum, I'm sorry for what I said.
20:49It's just me head's been...
20:52What?
20:54What's going on, son?
20:56I just feel like everyone's moving on.
20:59You, the lads, even me dad doesn't have time for me.
21:03And he's not even been around long.
21:06If everyone's moving on, where does that leave me?
21:11Today I had you was the best day of my life.
21:16And just because I've got to try and figure out
21:19who I'm going to be outside of being your mum
21:21doesn't mean I'm ever going to stop being your mum.
21:25I'm always going to be there for you, no matter what.
21:29Do you understand me?
21:32You listen to me, kid.
21:34Just because your dad is too sick
21:37to realise what he's missing by not being in your life, fuck him.
21:43You, kiddo, always has been, always will be, okay?
21:48Ano.
21:49Yeah.
21:51Mr. Zonno.
21:53I'm not your mum.
21:58We've come to the end of what's been quite an unpredictable evening.
22:03And I'd like to thank you all for coming along and helping us...
22:06Excuse me.
22:09Sure?
22:12Well, to see us off,
22:15a few final words
22:17from Reece Duffy.
22:20Yes, lad!
22:21Come on!
22:25So, um...
22:26We were asked to speak about the school
22:28and how it shaped our legacy.
22:30But to be honest with you,
22:32apart from that absolute screamer
22:34I scored at lunchtime...
22:36I was going to do that, you know.
22:37I don't know what my legacy is going to be.
22:39So I've made this thing I want to show you instead.
22:41I feel like
22:42it's more concrete.
22:44More real.
22:46More presents.
22:55There is just no better feeling
22:57than being stuffed in every hole
22:59by three big piping hot cocks.
23:02One cock, injustice.
23:04Two cocks, injustice.
23:07Three cocks, justice.
23:09Did you get that?
23:11Oh, yes!
23:13Oh, yes!
23:14Oh, yes!
23:15Oh, yes!
23:16Oh, yes!
23:17Oh, yes!
23:17Don't you dare!
23:18Hey!
23:18Oh, yes!
23:19Give me it!
23:20Oh, yes!
23:21Oh, yes!
23:22Oh, yes!
23:23Oh, yes!
23:23Oh, yes!
23:23Oh, yes!
23:24Oh, yes!
23:24Rhys?
23:26Hey, sir!
23:26Following young girls into alleyways, are we now, sir?
23:29No.
23:29Not getting any of her own, are you, sir?
23:31Why physically repulsed, are you, sir?
23:33So you prey on teenage girls
23:34because you think you can manipulate us, sir?
23:36You've finally given in to your sick ages, have you now, sir?
23:39I've been TBS checked, so.
23:41Jersey.
23:41Oi, sir!
23:42A young boy, a young girl.
23:45What I say, you ought to not you, you know.
23:48Give me that back!
23:49Delete that!
23:50Brace!
23:51Don't be done!
23:53Hey!
23:53Hey!
23:54Hey!
23:55Hey!
23:55Hey!
23:55Hey!
23:56Hey!
23:56Hey!
23:56Hey!
23:57Hey!
24:00Hey!
24:02Hey!
24:07Whether it's in the classroom, sports field, even in your friendships,
24:12excellence is not just about being the best, it's about...
24:15Oh!
24:16Give me that bulldog!
24:17Oh!
24:18Oh!
24:18Here we go, free stuffy like a witter on the field!
24:21Free stuffy!
24:22Oh!
24:23Oh!
24:24The boys have done it again!
24:26Oh!
24:27Oh!
24:28What's going on?
24:28Feel it?
24:29Feel it?
24:30What's going on?
24:31Someone call the medic!
24:32Are you having a seizure?
24:34I know!
24:35Look at this!
24:35What the...
24:37How do we feel about that girls shut up you posh wanker
24:41Okay, very funny before we all give me a pair of necklace
24:46Seriously, mr. Meacher is trying to
24:49If you all don't stop I'm going to
24:54My god, that's mr. Don
24:55Is that a tear I say? Crying ass
24:58You're regretting your life choices are you say?
25:00Wasted your life on a career you're not cut out for say?
25:03Just fuck off
25:04Philip
25:05Come and see me in my office
25:10If you don't tell me who it is, I'm going to come down so hard in order
25:12If you don't tell me who it is, I'm going to come down so hard in order
25:13Oh my god
25:16Oh my god
25:16Sir, it's behind you
25:18Yeah, over there
25:21Mr. Meacher, let me rub that phone in the air
25:26I love that
25:27Hey, come on
25:28Go on girls, that's where you might be into, bro
25:31Go on
25:31What? What?
25:33What was that?
25:35A Duffy?
25:37Shhh
25:38What now?
25:40Your shit
25:43Hang on, what is this?
25:45What's going on here?
25:46He brings props
25:58She's gone
25:58Amy
26:00She's gonna be the next Jodie Coleman
26:03And Chrissy wants the bonus
26:06This is yours
26:07Walk away
26:09Mo Fassi
26:11The lad who's always got your back
26:14No da
26:14Unless your Steelers has the mini flapjack
26:17She's walk away
26:18Walk away
26:21The bell
26:23His brain cells are sparse
26:25And they're obsessed with my ma's ass
26:28Just walk away
26:29Walk away
26:31Walk away
26:32Those block icons is what they'll say
26:35It's what they'll say
26:36It's what they'll say
26:39Just walk away
26:41Walk away
26:42Walk away
26:43Walk away
26:46If
26:47You
26:48Have got a sexual disease
26:50You probably got it from my Louise
26:53Just walk away
26:55Walk away
26:56Crazy
26:59The poshest Muppets I've ever known
27:02But he's still one of our own
27:05Just walk away
27:07Walk away
27:08Those block icons is what they'll say
27:11What they'll say
27:12What they'll say
27:14Just walk away
27:16Walk away
27:19Those block icons
27:20What they'll say
27:23What they'll say
27:25Comment up, fam!
27:26Yeah!
27:28Come on!
27:30What if you got a bonus?
27:33No!
27:41Because what I do know
27:42Is that right now
27:44What we have is special
27:45It's special because these are the best years of our life
27:49Everything you feel
27:50You feel it more deeply
27:52Than you ever will again
27:53Because you're feeling it for the first time
27:57Like
27:59The first time you fall in love
28:02The first time
28:03You feel the pain
28:04Of losing your best friend
28:07The first time
28:08You feel a bond
28:10You'll know you'll have forever
28:11The first time
28:13You feel valued
28:14Which one you look up to
28:17So let's not run away from it
28:19Let's run towards it
28:21Let's appreciate it
28:22Let's embrace it
28:23Let's make
28:24The fucking
28:25Most of it
28:26Yeah!
28:27Yeah!
28:30Peace!
28:31Peace!
28:32Peace!
28:33Peace!
28:34Peace!
28:34Peace!
28:35Peace!
28:46Peace!
28:47Peace!
28:47Peace!
28:49Peace!
28:51Peace!
28:53Peace!
28:54Peace!
28:55Peace!
28:57Peace!
28:57Peace!
28:58Peace!
28:58Peace!
29:00Peace!
29:03Peace!
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