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The Young Offenders (2016) Season 5 Episode 6


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Transcript
00:08The Silly Pigeon
00:09People always say you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.
00:14And then you can get your friends to look after your family.
00:18The Silly Pigeon had run away forever and leave everybody behind.
00:23This made him a sad Silly Pigeon.
00:27It's a bit grim, no?
00:28Huh?
00:29I am eh.
00:30Pam got it from me when Dad died, so I don't understand.
00:32You know someone is a proper friend when they're there for you when you need them the most.
00:37Everyone needs a friend.
00:42What?
00:43Why?
00:44Where's mine?
00:46I only had enough money for one, so we're gonna have to share.
00:48I'm so sick of this place, like.
00:51Cork is just a dead end.
00:53We're broke.
00:55We can't get jobs.
00:56We're still living at home with my annoying mime dickhead guard in the house.
01:00We can't even get any sleep because that baby crying all the time.
01:03We always said we need to get out of this place and thrive.
01:08But here we are, still, years later, sharing a lolly.
01:11What about Star, like?
01:12Well, you don't even have access to her.
01:14If you go abroad and make shit loads of money, you can prove yourself and be a proper dad.
01:19You'll never be able to do that here.
01:21No, you are right.
01:22You are right.
01:23I just, I obviously had to ask her or else I wouldn't be a good dad.
01:26All right, where do we go?
01:27All right.
01:30Tenerife.
01:30Tenerife.
01:31Think about it, boy.
01:32It's like going on holidays, but you never have to come home.
01:34Yeah, and you could work in the sun, boy.
01:35And smoke cheap bags and all.
01:37Exactly, boy.
01:38Can you imagine living on an island?
01:42That would be unbelievable, boy.
01:44Tenerife's class.
01:45Surrounded by water.
01:46It's unreal.
01:47Here, we've got an announcement, mate.
01:49All right.
01:49We are moving to Tenerife.
01:57That's a great idea.
01:58Aw, thanks, Heely.
01:59No, it's not.
02:01You wouldn't your whole survive in Tenerife?
02:03It's better than surviving in this shithole.
02:05We might actually thrive in Tenerife.
02:07Yeah.
02:08Connor, you can't go anywhere.
02:09The farther you go from this house, the more trouble you get in.
02:12You belong here.
02:13Even I have come to terms with that.
02:15All right?
02:16Can you do that somewhere else?
02:18No, I can't.
02:19All right?
02:19I'm up against Lara Gibson for this promotion, and she is perfect.
02:24Not in a woman way, in a guard way.
02:28All right, how you got that?
02:31Story.
02:32Is that a car?
02:33Connor there.
02:34Back, Billy.
02:35There we.
02:42What was that for?
02:43For being a shit friend.
02:45What did you hit me for?
02:46Good to you by association.
02:47I got stuck in the floor of my house for two days.
02:51Two fucking days!
03:07Help!
03:09Is there anybody there?
03:12It's not funny.
03:13It's not funny.
03:14Don't laugh.
03:15I almost soiled myself.
03:18I could have died on my own.
03:22And you didn't even show up for me.
03:24Billy, since when is it my responsibility to check if you're alive or not if I haven't seen you?
03:28Since we're friends, you'd show up for him though.
03:30Yeah.
03:31That's different.
03:31We always know where each other are so that would be impossible.
03:34Billy, why are you here?
03:35Did you come here just to punch us or why?
03:37No.
03:38Look, I've got this big job on and I was going off of you first refusal because we're friends.
03:46We are still friends, aren't we?
03:48Yeah, we're still friends.
03:49It's just...
03:50I have a heist.
03:52It's in a whiskey distillery.
03:54Some of the bottles are sold for 20,000 euros each.
03:5720 grand?
03:58Holy shit.
03:59And they make a shit ton of them.
04:00They wouldn't even know if some of them weren't missing.
04:02And as far as the job is concerned, a fucking monkey could do it.
04:06That's what he thought of you.
04:07Well, I'm not a monkey.
04:08I'm a pre-mate.
04:09No, but honestly, it's the easiest money you're ever going to make.
04:12Aye.
04:13We're in.
04:15Yeah.
04:15We're in.
04:16We.
04:17Yeah.
04:18There's no we.
04:19Oh, he comes swanning back in like a...
04:22Like a...
04:23Like a fucking swan.
04:25No, no, no, no.
04:26Two-man job.
04:27Me, you.
04:28Billy, I'm not doing it unless Jock's involved.
04:29That's the plan.
04:30We're walking.
04:32All right.
04:33But I don't want to hear nothing from you about an equal split.
04:36All right.
04:3733%.
04:38That's it.
04:39Each.
04:40Yeah, grand.
04:41Not a chance, Billy.
04:42That's not fair at all.
04:43Yeah, no.
04:45That's it.
04:47Very funny.
04:47You in?
04:53You're dead, boy.
04:55It's quite really...
04:55I'm fairly nervous.
04:56I was only doing the hand thing.
04:58Yeah, it's kind of our thing, all right?
04:59All right.
05:01Let's go to work.
05:04Come on, Jock.
05:05Isn't it great?
05:06I'll say it again.
05:07I have a cousin who's working on the inside.
05:12And he's going to sneak us in, like the Greeks did with that big Trojan horse thingy in Troy.
05:18Oh, yeah.
05:18What was that called again?
05:20A big sneaky wooden horse of Troy.
05:23Oh, yeah.
05:23Okay.
05:24What we're looking for are these beauties.
05:29Kilvara.
05:3050-year-old triple distilled whiskey.
05:34Very, very rare.
05:37That's for 20 grand.
05:38Once we have these, we get changed in to the security guard uniforms that my cousin has stashed for us.
05:47Then we set off the fire alarm and we just walk out the door in all the confusion.
05:54What's going on here?
05:56Oh, what's going on here?
05:57Nothing.
05:58We're, um...
05:59He's playing chess.
06:00Yeah.
06:00They learn chess.
06:01With condiments.
06:02No, with these, um, guys.
06:05Queen to C4 will be the next one.
06:07Yes.
06:07No, you can't.
06:09Surely not.
06:12Have you got it?
06:13I think we're escaping this.
06:14One more time.
06:16Hurry.
06:17It sort of felt like we were in Ocean's Eleven.
06:20I haven't seen the first ten, but they made it look kind of sexy.
06:24Instead, we were in the dark, getting rolled around in old barrels and ended up with a lot of splinters
06:28in our holes.
06:32Hurry.
06:33Hurry.
06:34Hurry.
06:35Hurry.
06:36Get down.
06:44Are you serious?
06:45Oh, shit.
06:47In and out.
06:48Easiest money you'll ever earn.
06:49A monkey could do it.
06:50Don't blame me.
06:51What do you mean?
06:51My cousin said the alarm was going to be deactivated all day Wednesday.
06:55But it's Tuesday.
06:57Entirely a foolproof plan, alright, Billy?
06:59Are you calling me a fool?
07:01Hello?
07:02Go, go, go, go, go.
07:06Hello?
07:09Who's there?
07:14Come out now.
07:16I have a taser.
07:18A taser?
07:19I know you're there.
07:20I can hear you.
07:22I can smell you.
07:25There's no point in hiding like a chicken shit.
07:28Who are you calling a chicken shit?
07:31She got you.
07:33Run!
07:34Hey!
07:35Better have your taser.
07:38Better have your taser.
07:40Come on.
07:45We needed a change of plan.
07:47And if there's one thing me and Jock can do, it's blend in.
07:50Don't be afraid of it.
07:51We're going to get properly...
07:55stuck into it.
07:57Everyone knows Americans can't drink till they're 21,
07:59so they have to come over here to learn how to do it properly.
08:02They've got to learn from the best, I suppose.
08:06Excuse me.
08:07This is a private tour for our American guests.
08:13Well, fully aware that it is a private tour, sir.
08:19My friend and I here are Americans.
08:22What?
08:22What?
08:23That right.
08:24Kyle.
08:27G'day, mate.
08:29I needed to go for a piece, so I got a little lost.
08:33But back now.
08:34You're what?
08:35I can't do Americans.
08:37Just go in there, right?
08:38Please continue.
08:40Can you hurry up?
08:41We're going to the Blarney Stone early in the morning.
08:43Yeah, yeah.
08:44Always Blarney, isn't it?
08:47So we're going to take a sip.
08:48I can't finish you two pricks ran off and left me trapped in there.
08:54Yeah, well, there's no point blaming it, you know, is it?
08:56Attention, there's been a break-in.
08:58The other look-up for three men acting sufficiently.
09:00We need to move over here as discreetly as we possibly can.
09:06Good girl.
09:11Excusez-moi.
09:14Do you have a description?
09:15Yes.
09:16Two in their 20s and one in their 50s.
09:1950s?
09:20I'm in my prime fucking pricks.
09:22Copy that.
09:23That's them all right.
09:23They're on the tour.
09:24No, no.
09:25The guards are outside.
09:26Okay.
09:27Everybody be cool.
09:30Don't put your heads up in the air!
09:31That's a 20-year-old triple-stil single-pot whiskey.
09:35Is that one of the good wines?
09:37Yeah.
09:38Where to keep the shitter wines?
09:40Middle shelf there.
09:44Come on.
09:46Ah!
09:47Jack, you take this one.
09:49Hands in the air!
09:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:51Do I move?
09:52Do I move?
09:52Hands up!
09:53Hands up!
09:54Relax!
09:55But keep your hands up!
09:57Yeah.
09:59Operation nap time complete.
10:06Conor and Jack are out and the baby's asleep.
10:10We have the whole house to ourselves.
10:12Great, isn't it?
10:12Yeah.
10:14I'm going to polish my baton.
10:16Maybe I can polish your baton for you.
10:19No, you're grand.
10:20It's a specific technique.
10:21You kind of got to do these little circles otherwise you get...
10:23Do they all, Tony?
10:23For a guard you are really bad at taking queues.
10:27Do you want a ride?
10:28Yeah.
10:29Of course.
10:31Developing scenes here in Cork this evening as a robbery turns into a hostage situation.
10:36Three male suspects are holding a group of tourists hostage.
10:40Love, there are thousands of criminals in Cork, okay?
10:43Not every crime is Conor and Jack.
10:45Oh, but I remember it's been paranoid.
10:47...TV footage from the scene shows the suspects.
10:50They have now been identified as Conor McSleevee.
10:52Tony!
10:53Jock O'Keefe, both convicted drug mugglers...
10:55Oh, great.
10:57Look, Mum! Dad's on the telly!
10:59Jesus Christ!
11:01He's been out for five minutes!
11:08The truth is stupid of you.
11:10Mr. Gargi, we have you surrounded.
11:13Look, they're going to want to negotiate.
11:16The most important thing is we don't let them get in our heads.
11:20Conor, my name is Sergeant Gibson.
11:23No, let me talk to them, boy.
11:25Boy, you're too emotional, aren't you?
11:28Fine, yeah, fine, go.
11:30Okay.
11:33All right.
11:34Conor speaking.
11:36Show ahead, Conor.
11:37I just wanted to get to Teneri, all right?
11:40I didn't know this was going to happen.
11:41I just broke the seatbelts!
11:43I didn't mean to...
11:44Relax, relax.
11:45If they hear fear in your voice, they're going to know.
11:49They're going to think we're amateurs.
11:50Boy, we are amateurs.
11:52What they're going to need is clear and precise demands.
11:56They're not going to run in here and kill every one of us.
12:00Not all of us.
12:05Stay with me, Conor.
12:07They're still there.
12:08Conor again.
12:10We have some very clear and precise demands.
12:14We would like...
12:17Three...
12:18Park, eh?
12:20That's a motorbike, boy.
12:22Look at that.
12:22And three motorbikes as well.
12:24That's going to take time to organise, Conor.
12:28No, but that's a good thing, that's a good thing.
12:29Say more weird shit.
12:30They'll buy us time.
12:31We want...
12:32We want three cork jerseys.
12:34And...
12:35A portable tree.
12:36A portable tree.
12:37House.
12:38A portable tree house.
12:40Yeah.
12:40And a plane.
12:40To get us out of here.
12:41That can land on water.
12:42That can...
12:43One of those planes that can land on water.
12:44So you can land, like, near an island.
12:46Yeah.
12:46The one that's in the Indiana drawing.
12:49I'll see what I can do.
12:50But in the meantime, as a sign of good faith...
12:54I'm going to need you to release two hostages, Conor.
12:57Just give them...
12:58Two of the most unhealthy-looking ones.
13:09There are two hostages out now that's going to make them.
13:11I got here as soon as I could.
13:13Right.
13:13The little one trusts me now, and he's scared.
13:15I'm in his head.
13:16Good work, Sergeant Gibson.
13:17What can I do to help?
13:18You can start by standing on the other side of that tape.
13:21He can't be involved considering his conflict of interests.
13:24I don't have conflicted interests.
13:26Two of the three suspects live with you.
13:28One of them is your stepson.
13:30If those two boys were curry, your arthole would be burning.
13:33Yeah, I can't eat curry, so the joke's on you, Gibson.
13:36She's right.
13:37Stand down.
13:38He's not my stepson, okay?
13:40He's my wife's fuck-up of a son, alright?
13:41That's just an unfortunate circumstance.
13:43My priority is my job.
13:45The missus doesn't look too happy to hear that.
13:51Nice, Tony.
13:52Maria, I didn't mean it like that, okay?
13:54Nice.
13:59Come here, come here.
14:00I was thinking, okay?
14:01I've seen this thing on the telly, right?
14:03Where people fall in love with their kidnappers, okay?
14:05It's called Stock Down Syndrome, right?
14:07They're supposed to room a bit old to be trying to get the shift.
14:10What?
14:10No, not the shift.
14:11Boy, I'm saying if we can get them to like us, boy, surely that's a good thing.
14:15Get them on our side.
14:16Well, Caprily, how can we get them to like us?
14:19At the same point, all Irish people get foreigners to like them.
14:22I'm out of college, right?
14:31What?
14:31What?
14:31What?
14:32I'm done here.
14:34All right, all right, let's go.
14:35Yeah?
14:36Yeah, boy.
14:37Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!
14:38Oh, he ain't a lord, no more.
14:40Oh, Billy's uncle is actually Michael Collins.
14:44Yeah, but not the Michael Collins.
14:47Michael Collins, he used to have a chipper on Barrett Street.
14:51My son of a bitch!
14:55My stepmom's aunt is from Donegal.
14:59So you are Irish?
15:03I love Ireland. It's so beautiful.
15:06It's a bit shit when you don't have any money.
15:08Come on, that's everywhere, sweetie.
15:09Donate ever no more!
15:12Well, you know, it's not home.
15:16Home is where you feel safe and complete.
15:20Besides, the water here gives me the squirts.
15:23Same.
15:25USA! USA! USA!
15:28Very real! Very real!
15:32What a chance, boy!
15:33That was the 20 grand bottle, you idiot!
15:36What?
15:36It sure doesn't taste like 20 grand.
15:38He wouldn't have used that one if you had told him, all right?
15:41Just relax.
15:42You were meant to be like I will remember, calm down.
15:45You just cost me 20 grand.
15:48Oh, why did I drag you two along?
15:50We didn't ask to come here, all right?
15:52You invited us.
15:53I was being a good friend and look where that got me.
15:57Oh, a friend.
15:57Why you throw punches around like it's confetti, all right?
16:00You're the worst friend I've ever had.
16:02You forgot all about me when he swanned back into town and then you just mess up my heist.
16:09I'm not the one who triggered the alarm because I can't tell the difference between Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
16:14Watch it.
16:14Oh, watch it.
16:15Or what, boy?
16:16Oh, let me guess.
16:17You're going to kick the shit out of us.
16:19I thought, you know what?
16:20Maybe Billy's all right.
16:21Maybe he is.
16:22Oh, and then you go full psycho Billy and make everyone around you suffer.
16:25Oh, here we go.
16:26The truth is it.
16:27We're not friends now, are we?
16:29Oh, you want the truth, boys?
16:30Friends don't do bad shit to each other to make themselves feel good.
16:33Friends do good things to big each other up.
16:35You've never been a good friend in your entire life.
16:38Coyne.
16:38Coyne.
16:40Coyne.
16:41Conor!
16:42Conor, come to the door, Conor.
16:44Ma'am.
16:48Ma'am, I'm sorry.
16:50I didn't think we were going to get caught.
16:53That's the problem, Conor.
16:54You never think.
16:57All the things you've done, this is the worst.
17:00But hostages?
17:01This is only going to end one way.
17:03We don't even have anything to show for it and there's no way out, so...
17:07Look, we're going to just turn ourselves in.
17:09What?
17:10Oh, but we can't do that.
17:11I'll never see Star again.
17:12Ma'am's right.
17:13The only way to get out of this is to do the right thing.
17:18You better hope none of those hostages are hurt.
17:22They're not violent boys, okay?
17:24They're just idiots.
17:25They never hurt any of them.
17:27Is that right?
17:29Thanks for that.
17:33Wait, Con.
17:34Con.
17:35Remember the bedtime story I used to read you?
17:38Ma'am, I don't think now is the right time to be bringing up big boys to wheeze.
17:41Oh, shut up.
17:42Not that one.
17:43Do you remember the silly pigeon?
17:46Yeah.
17:47Con.
17:48I think you need to be the silly pigeon.
17:52But isn't that the one where the pigeon runs away and doesn't come back?
17:57Forever.
18:04Come on.
18:05Come on.
18:10What do you want?
18:11She's fine.
18:12Can you put Star on the phone there, please?
18:14It's a bit cheeky calling from a crime scene asking to talk to Star.
18:17I'm sorry.
18:17I'm sorry, okay, but...
18:20Me and Con, we messed up, alright?
18:22And we're going to have to probably go away for a while.
18:24And it's not fair that you have to tell Star, so...
18:27Can you just put her on the phone?
18:28I should do it.
18:29I'm her dad.
18:29Come on.
18:31Star, come here.
18:36Is your dad okay?
18:39Hi, Dad.
18:40I saw you on the TV.
18:42Hi, Star.
18:48Myself and Con are probably going to have to go away for a little while, okay?
18:51Like a holiday?
18:52Yeah, yeah, yeah, like on a holiday, yeah.
18:55I'll go pack my swimming tugs in my bag.
18:59You know, love, um...
19:03It's just a mean con holiday.
19:06But I'm going to miss you, alright?
19:08I really love you, Con.
19:10And I'll always have your back.
19:13I love you too, man.
19:16I love you to the moon, alright?
19:18And all the way back?
19:20All the way back, always.
19:22Because you're my star.
19:26Bye, bye, love.
19:35Please tell me you talked some sense into him.
19:37If by sense you mean I told him to run.
19:39You can't be serious.
19:40I did the right thing for my son.
19:43If you can't support that, then...
19:45Maybe I'm not right for you.
19:48Get into position.
19:52Connor!
19:53Connor!
19:54Open the door!
19:56Connor, they're coming!
19:58Connor!
19:58They have guns.
19:59They're coming!
20:00Come on.
20:02Hurry!
20:03Ah!
20:04We're going!
20:06Jesus, lads.
20:07We've got to get out of here.
20:08But it's useless.
20:09There's no way out.
20:10No, no.
20:11There is one way out.
20:13Why didn't you say that earlier?
20:15I thought you were assholes before, like, but you're actually alright.
20:19See, I never had any friends...
20:21Yeah, yeah, okay.
20:21Where is it?
20:22Oh, that barrel's fake.
20:24There's a ladder on the side that leads to a secret passage.
20:27And did you know?
20:28That passage actually dates from 1821.
20:31Yeah, shut up. I don't care.
20:34Just bad, and that's the way I am.
20:36Billy, now is not the time, alright?
20:39There is a ladder!
20:40There's a ladder!
20:41Because I'm beginning to think...
20:43I'd better off in prison.
20:45I mean...
20:46There's good food.
20:48Great fights.
20:49Regular bedtime.
20:50I mean, if you've no friends, you don't tend to know the sort of people with theirs.
20:56Do you know what I mean?
21:00Come on, Cain!
21:01There's no way around!
21:03Oh, go on, no.
21:04I'll hold him off.
21:10Go on!
21:12What's he doing?
21:14Being a friend.
21:18Pass it down, pass it down.
21:24No way around!
21:27Just because someone is self-destructive doesn't mean they are a ticket.
21:30It all depends when they decide to self-destructive.
21:34Done at the right time, there can be a gift to those that they care about.
21:40Utah!
21:46True crime, Nejory!
22:08I can't find you a little rat!
22:11I can't find you a little rat!
22:13Stop right there!
22:15Healy boy, you have to let us go!
22:18I have to do what I have to do.
22:21Alright, but if you have to do what you have to do, then we have to do what we have
22:25to do.
22:35Punch me.
22:36What? What?
22:37This goes against everything that I stand for.
22:40But your mother is more important to me than anything.
22:42Ever since the first day of-
22:45I said punch me!
22:51Hey!
22:52You can't go that way, you morons! You're surrounded!
22:55You're gonna go back inside and hide!
22:58I need you to go out there!
23:04Finally!
23:15Oh for God's sake!
23:21...
23:22...
23:23...
23:23The robbery turns into a hostage situation.
23:26What happened?
23:28They overpowered me and Galloway.
23:29He can't take a punch.
23:31And she doesn't know how doors work.
23:33Set up roadblocks all over the city.
23:39What was that for?
23:41You can always tell when you're lying.
23:42The hostage takers have now been identified as
23:45Conor McSweeney, Jock O'Keefe, both convicted drug smugglers,
23:48and local petty criminal, Willie Murphy.
23:51Do you like that?
23:51Get your hands off my penis!
23:54This is Democracy Manifest!
23:56Sharon! Sharon!
23:58It's Billy Murphy, not Willie!
23:59B-I-L-L-Y!
24:09Sharon!
24:11Do you think the coast is clear?
24:13I think so!
24:20What the fuck are we?
24:22Where are we moving?
24:25I think we're on a ship.
24:26We're on a boat.
24:28Where are we going?
24:30John, where are we going?
24:32I can't.
24:33I don't dwell on the water.
24:34I know.
24:35I know.
24:35I know.
24:36I understand, okay?
24:36Look.
24:37Look, buddy.
24:41Hey, hey, hey.
24:42We have each other, okay?
24:44We have each other, okay?
24:44We have each other, okay?
24:45I want to go home.
24:46I want to go home.
24:48I want to go home.
24:49I want to go home.
24:49I want to go home.
24:49I can't.
24:50We figured out.
24:50Drink down, okay?
24:51Relax.
24:52I need you to relax for me, okay?
24:53Look, we can't be going far.
24:55We must be going down to here.
24:56Boy, that's smooth.
24:57Beyond Belfast or England, maybe?
25:01It's dark.
25:02It wouldn't go farther than that.
25:03It's dark.
25:03They needed more petrol.
25:04What?
25:04What's that?
25:05What do you mean?
25:06It's a whiskey.
25:07It's rare.
25:08That's 20 grand.
25:15Give me two seconds.
25:17Two seconds.
25:19Very rare 50 years limited release.
25:24Kind of.
25:25Yeah.
25:25Just stay calm when I tell you this.
25:30Billy put four bottles of that in there.
25:33Wait, that's 60.
25:35That's 60 grand in the air.
25:37To 20 grand the air.
25:38There's 80 grand the way for life.
25:40We're rich!
25:41We're rich!
25:42We're rich!
25:43We're rich!
25:44We're rich!
25:44We're rich!
25:45We're rich!
25:46We're rich!
25:4680 grand!
25:47Come on.
25:49We're rich.
25:50We're rich.
25:5180 grand!
25:51Get back.
25:58I can't exist in this alone
26:02Are you expecting someone?
26:04It's fine.
26:05It's fine.
26:06It's fine.
26:07It's fine.
26:08It's fine.
26:10It's fine.
26:12It's fine.
26:13That leaves me out in the cold all alone
26:17Don't leave me out in the cold all alone
26:24All we do is hide
26:27Talk with stupid pride
26:29And we should unite
26:32In a world that makes demands
26:34One of us should lend a hand
26:37But we dare not change
26:43How can I exist when I hear them cry
26:46Oh, heroes!
26:48How can I give hope when there's none inside
26:53I just walk away from all the pain
26:56To keep me sane
26:57Cause I can't face this world alone
27:01If you ask me
27:04Home isn't a place
27:08Home is the people who mean the most to you
27:11The ones that make you feel like you're not facing the world alone
27:14This feel apart
27:16Release me from the dead
27:18And relieve my aching head
27:21You can save my soul
27:26It's time we stop and pretend
27:30You have me
27:40We are the owners of this huge time
27:44That is our
27:45One, two, three, three, three, four, four
28:08Give me a fat B
28:19Give me a fat B
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