The Young Offenders (2016) Season 5 Episode 3

Reality Realm US

The Young Offenders (2016) Season 5 Episode 3   #RealityRealmUS  Reality Realm US "If you enjoyed this video and want to support our team by helping us fund our late-night coffee needs, please donate via PayPal! ☕️ A small act – a big impact. Thank you all so much! ❤️" Donate at: [https://www.paypal.me/ngaxo] 🎞 Please subscribe to our official channel to watch the full movie for free, as soon as possible. ❤️Reality Insight Hub❤️ 👉 Official Channel: https://dailymotion.com/realityrealmus 👉 THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Transcript

00:06There was an old wise man who I met in prison.

00:09Well, he couldn't be that wise because he was in prison.

00:11But he warned me that the hardest thing about being locked up

00:14isn't the thought of where you are,

00:16it's the thought of where you're not.

00:18It's knowing that life outside is continuing on without you.

00:21And that the girl of your dreams

00:22is now the girl of some other prick's dreams.

00:25Linda is getting married to Gavin fucking Madigan.

00:30But, after a lot of soul-searching,

00:32I decided that I was going to be the bigger man.

00:35For better or worse,

00:36she was going to stay completely loyal and faithful to him

00:39for the rest of their entire life.

00:47Easy, mate.

00:48Looking good, kid.

00:49I hope it lashes rain on the way to the waiting

00:52and that the whole place is flooded.

00:54Oh, yeah, well, I see what you're saying.

00:56And then Gavin's driving along and his tyre hits a puddle

00:59and he acoplates and he crashes

01:01and he's paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life

01:03and he's to talk using one of those machines.

01:05Oh, I'm Gavin Madigan and his life skimmy, dude.

01:10Jesus, boy.

01:11Is that a little bit dark, no?

01:13Oh, sorry.

01:14I thought that was the direction we were going.

01:16I hope he doesn't die, like,

01:17just gets bruised up a bit.

01:19Yeah, can you throw the suits on?

01:20Yeah.

01:20Yeah, I got it.

01:25Oh, look at you.

01:27Don't you look lovely.

01:29Oh, I need a hug.

01:32What's this?

01:32Oh, Connor, for God's sake.

01:34They must have forgotten to take the tag off in the shop.

01:38We bothered him.

01:39You're on probation.

01:40Do you want to go back to jail?

01:41No.

01:44What'll we do?

01:45Go on, get the good scissors quickly.

01:53Do you think it's a good idea you go into this wedding today?

01:55Linda invited me, like, so...

01:57Look, hon, I know this is hard to hear, but...

02:00you will find your someone.

02:02What if I've already found my someone,

02:05but I'm not her someone?

02:11What's this, stolen goods?

02:12Jesus Christ, Tony, can you not be a guard for one day in your life?

02:15Mom and Healy were in that phase of their relationship

02:18all couples go through.

02:19Oh, I'll just go and see to Noel, so will I?

02:21The hating each other phase.

02:22Do you know what?

02:23That would be lovely.

02:24Because he probably wouldn't even recognise you at the moment.

02:26Healy was working a lot of triple overtime

02:28to pay for nappies and nipple cream.

02:30All right, I'll just turn a blind eye

02:32to whatever it is I'm supposed to be turning a blind eye to, so will I?

02:35Jesus Christ.

02:36But deep down, love was still in the air.

02:39Wanker.

02:42Try that.

02:45All right.

02:46All right.

02:47Thanks, lady's bag.

02:48No, no, no, no, wait, uh, no, no, no.

02:49Uh, Claire, sit down for a second.

02:52Um...

02:52What? What?

02:53Nothing.

02:58Just...

03:02You didn't notice a bit?

03:03Eh, you'd have to be really looking for it.

03:06Yeah, they're after leaving the security tag on the blazer.

03:09Oh, God's sake, they are to doing the same to mine, Jack.

03:13I have to do...

03:13That is something else, no.

03:14Hand it over, Jack.

03:15Thanks for me and my hand.

03:16Cheers.

03:17Um, here, I've got to head over to Siobhan's there.

03:19I want to see, uh, I want to see Starr in the flower girl costume.

03:22Is this one of your unsupervised access days?

03:25Eh, no, but...

03:26Something tells me, eh, Siobhan won't be ringing her solicitor today.

03:30Yeah.

03:31Well, you know what they say about weddings.

03:33No.

03:34Oh, they make women horny, like.

03:37It's like they're doing nothing for me.

03:39Oh, fierce horny, Mireille.

03:41Yeah.

03:41If I'm going to get back with Siobhan, this is my big chance, like, so wish me luck, yeah?

03:45All right, Jack.

03:46Go ahead.

03:46Good luck.

03:47Thanks.

04:08Morning, girl.

04:10Dad, will you take in the train?

04:12Shh, shh, shh.

04:12You're the way of the train.

04:14Morning.

04:15Jeez.

04:17You need to go, now.

04:19I have a, I have a, thank you.

04:22I'm just saying.

04:23Okay.

04:24Shit, eh, you can't go down there.

04:26You have to go to the window.

04:27The window?

04:28Yeah.

04:29Are you having that?

04:31I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water, I'm in the water.

04:33Okay, I'm going.

04:35Shit, shit, shit.

04:36Look.

04:38I'm forwarding.

04:39Don't you, Jack?

04:40Shh.

04:41Oh.

04:42Oh, you, please.

04:44I'm, I'm a boy.

04:45Handsome Dan, the, the painter man?

04:47Yeah, boy, I'm telling you.

04:48Are you sure?

04:49What do you mean by sure?

04:50I know, I know his arse as well as I know my own face.

04:54Handsome once posed for an ad for hemorrhoid cream.

04:56The billboard company went bust, which meant the poster stayed up for three years and became

05:00one of Cork's biggest tourist attractions.

05:04Fair play to her, like.

05:05What are you on about, Con?

05:06His name is Handsome Dan, Jack.

05:09He's gorgeous.

05:10Oi, you're not getting what I'm telling you.

05:12If she's shagging Handsome Dan the night before her wedding, it means she obviously doesn't

05:16want to marry Gavin Madigan.

05:17It's a proxy ride.

05:19Po-poxy ride?

05:21A proxy ride, okay?

05:23Yeah, sure.

05:24She might have gotten up on Dan, but she was thinking about you, by the whole time.

05:28Wait, so...

05:32She's thinking about me.

05:33Yes, you, boy.

05:34She's still in love with you.

05:36This was going to be my last chance to win Linda back.

05:39And what's more of a romantic place to do it than a wedding?

05:42Her wedding.

05:43Half a sausage just to left your fork there, are there?

05:46Right, this sausage is going to sort me out now.

05:50Oh, she's sick.

05:51I'm done.

05:51Bart, take it away from me.

05:55Why'd you have that?

05:57It's to take Auntie Linda into her dress.

05:59Don't want her tits spilling over when she's saying her I do's.

06:01Okay, girls, 40 minutes and we head to the church, yeah?

06:04Well, we're not going to the church, remember?

06:06You know what I mean.

06:07It's a great idea of Gavin's to have the wedding in the place where you two first met.

06:11He's too tight to spend his own money, is what he's saying.

06:13Well, I think it's mad romantic.

06:15Let's try and get him even.

06:18I don't want one in for mine.

06:19The other one in Charleville.

06:23Yeah.

06:43You all right there, lads, yeah?

06:45Conor has a question for you.

06:48Conor has a question.

06:51Yeah, Conor has a...

06:53I just want to ask, did you have sex with Linda Walsh last night at the inn?

06:57Yeah.

06:57Come on now, lads.

06:58Know yourselves, a gentleman never tells.

07:01Yeah, but if you did sleep with her,

07:03I just want you to know she was probably thinking of someone else the whole time.

07:06Yeah.

07:07Now that you say it, she actually did keep shouting out some other lads' name the whole night.

07:12Well, you should have heard her.

07:13She was all...

07:15Oh!

07:16Oh, Jesus Christ!

07:18Oh, Jesus Christ!

07:20Oh, Jesus Christ!

07:22Look, whatever happened between you and Linda, all right?

07:24She's still in love with kind, all right?

07:26And now she's going to marry some other fella.

07:28All right, cool.

07:30So what's up with me, like?

07:30We want you to come to the wedding and tell Gavin Madigan that you slept with Linda.

07:34What, and humiliate her?

07:35Yeah?

07:36Yeah.

07:36In front of all of her friends and family?

07:38Exactly.

07:38Yeah, if you don't mind.

07:40Do we wish to be ashamed of yourselves?

07:41Yeah.

07:42Yeah, the answer's no.

07:43Get lost.

07:46I hate to admit it, but maybe Hanson was right.

07:49He was more than just a six-pack and a cute ass.

07:53Can all wedding guests please be seated in the Assembly Hall?

07:57I think he's getting married at a school.

08:00Cheapest thing I ever heard in my life.

08:01So garb of Madigan.

08:03It was time to bow out gracefully.

08:07I don't know.

08:09I don't know.

08:11I don't know.

08:11It's not a competition, Lee.

08:12Of course it was a competition.

08:14And I wiped your eye for you.

08:18A wedding doesn't count if it's in a school.

08:20I think that's actually true, you know.

08:23Would you look at the state of them?

08:27Would you stop being such a snob?

08:30It's amazing what you can find in a charity shop if you're not fussy.

08:34One sec.

08:38A wedding and a wedding.

08:38Oi, Arlisle.

08:39I'd like your hat.

08:43Siobhan would like you to sit next to her for the Mass.

08:46Really?

08:48What about-

08:49Don't mind what Barry thinks.

08:51As Linda said, you're Star's Daddy, which makes you family.

08:56Yeah.

08:57Ah, thanks.

08:57Come on, all right, Con?

09:00A smile wouldn't kill you.

09:02Why don't you have a horny day?

09:11The rumour is this could be Father Rooney's last mass.

09:14Supposed to be going through a crisis of faith.

09:18Yeah.

09:18Everything all right, Linda?

09:20Yeah.

09:21You're not thinking of jilting him at the altar, are you?

09:24It's just, you know, the reception's after costing me a fortune.

09:26Dad!

09:27It was a joke.

09:31He's a good man, Linda.

09:34Solid, you know?

09:35And the best thing about marrying a teacher, as your mother knows well,

09:39you can't be sacked.

09:40No matter how bad you are at your job.

09:43You know the way you love them spring rolls from the paddy field above the bishops town?

09:47Yeah.

09:48Well, there's nothing wrong with not wanting those spring rolls every night for the rest of your life.

09:52What?

09:53Well, you've lost us.

09:54Last night?

09:55You fancied the spring rolls from Walk This Way in Tokar.

09:59And there's no shame in that.

10:02I'm gonna be sick.

10:04I'm gonna get sick.

10:10Siobhan!

10:11The caterer said the money is non-refundable.

10:13Piss off, guys!

10:16I'm good.

10:17I'm good.

10:19I'm fine.

10:21I'm fine.

10:22I'm fine.

10:26I'm fine.

10:41I'm fine.

10:44I'm fine.

10:46I'm fine.

10:46All right.

10:47Like he said, he won.

10:49Won?

10:49Is that what this is all about?

10:51Winning?

10:52I thought it was about love.

10:54Do you still love her?

10:55Of course I love her.

10:57And she doesn't love him.

11:00Well, she slept with handsome Dan Fogarty at the hen last night.

11:03She didn't want her.

11:06Look, as much as I love a good Valavan, I think we're gonna have to cancel this wedding.

11:11And how do you suppose we do that, Billy?

11:13I suppose we could drag handsome Dan in here and he can confess in front of the whole congregation.

11:18I tried that.

11:19He said no.

11:19I asked.

11:20That's your big mistake.

11:21You asked him.

11:24Are you okay?

11:26No, Billy.

11:27I'm really sad.

11:28Okay.

11:31God, he is so intense.

11:33I just don't want to hurt Valvan's feelings.

11:35That's the worst reason to get married.

11:38Especially when it's stopping you from getting what your heart really wants.

11:41He's a good person, Siobhan.

11:43If he's a good person, he'll understand that you want to go back to your first love.

11:49You heard what Dad said.

11:51Everything is paid for now.

11:53Sarah, you ready to be a flower girl?

11:56Yay!

12:11We would have been on time if you hadn't stopped at every orange light.

12:15We are on time.

12:16We're here before the bride.

12:17Oh, yeah.

12:17No, thanks to you.

12:20I can't believe we got overtaken by a mobility scooter.

12:22Could you maybe stop him crying?

12:24Oh, will I switch him to flight mode, will I?

12:26Just take him outside.

12:27Oh, maybe you should take him outside.

12:29Oh, Jesus.

12:39In you, Pop.

12:41Please, what?

12:42Look, I'm not going to hurt you.

12:44Fingers crossed.

12:46I'm just going to bring you to this wedding and you're going to tell everyone how you rode the bride

12:49last night.

12:51All right, just mind my ass going in as the money maker, all right?

12:55You're not claustrophobic, are you?

12:57No.

12:58No.

12:58You might be after this.

13:02Do you notice they all have the same tash?

13:06Yeah.

13:07They're like the Three Musketeers.

13:08Except there's four of them always coming.

13:14Can we have a quick chat?

13:16A quick chat?

13:18About what?

13:18Somewhere.

13:21Somewhere in private.

13:23Somewhere in private.

13:35Listen.

13:39I want to say I'm sorry for being such an asshole to you just now.

13:45Is this some sort of joke, like?

13:47I was standing on the altar and it dawned on me that I should be thanking you.

13:53For why?

13:56Because you'll be something I'll never be.

13:59It's Linda's first love.

14:02And you know, she said to me, she wouldn't have fell in love with me if you didn't teach her

14:08to love in the first place.

14:09Linda?

14:10Linda said that?

14:13Would you do me a favour?

14:15Yeah.

14:17Would you do the readings for us?

14:21I know we mean a lot to Linda.

14:24Oh.

14:27Garvin.

14:29The whole thing.

14:31Christ.

14:32For the second time that day, I realised that humiliating Linda in front of her family and friends might not

14:39be the right thing to do.

14:40Billy.

14:41I changed my mind.

14:45Careful now, I don't want to hurt you.

14:47Oh, here we go.

14:51I tell you something, you're going to get your steps in today.

15:05That's a really long car.

15:10Is that about?

15:12It's crying.

15:14She's here.

15:17It's going to be okay.

15:22Oh, Jesus Christ.

15:34And remember, at the least any of us deserve us to be happy.

15:38Thanks, Ron.

15:42Thanks.

15:44Come on.

15:50Okay.

15:55Are they going to do community like this?

15:57What?

15:59Wait.

16:01I'm hungry.

16:07Come on.

16:07First love, stay with you forever and ever.

16:09So great.

16:15First love, stay with you forever and ever.

16:18Hey.

16:23You are.

16:25I don't need you.

16:28The way to school I tried to meet you

16:33Your father used to drop you off

16:37You'd step out of a wrecked car, Gina

16:41Thanks, Ed.

16:42You looked so pretty on those winter mornings

16:47Bushlox stands with you forever

16:49I know you're not used to me giving your advice

16:54But you found your someone

16:58I don't want you to mess it up like I did

17:00You should go get him

17:07Not now

17:09Go after him

17:12We're gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of

17:15Gavin Madigan, Linda Walsh

17:20Great

17:20Yeah, first reading

17:21Who is for the first reading?

17:26First reading, thank you

17:28Conor

17:30Is it Conor?

17:31Are we Conor?

17:32Are you the first reading?

17:34Yeah

17:35Stand up

17:36Yeah

17:36And then

17:37Go on

17:39What's he?

17:40There he is

17:40Very good

17:41Yeah

17:43Lovely

17:46What's he doing here?

17:51Sorry, I'm not going to read the whole thing

18:09I'm not going to read the whole thing

18:22What's wrong with ya?

18:24You can't read, is it?

18:25I can read, I'm just a bit dyslexic.

18:27Well, just make it up and say anything.

18:32Do I speak with the tongues of men and of angels?

18:39Angels.

18:40Oh, I have ain't that angels.

18:44But have not love, I have become brass.

18:51And a resounding gong.

18:54Is a resounding gong alright?

19:03Gavin.

19:04What?

19:06Linda, I'm sorry.

19:08I wanted to be happy for Linda.

19:10But I can get a bit hormonal at weddings.

19:12And I have the tendency to mess with my decision making process.

19:15But fuck it.

19:16Back to the old plan.

19:19One answer from you.

19:20One for me.

19:23Oh.

19:24Connor.

19:26Billy.

19:27I changed my mind again.

19:28Okay.

19:30Operation Handsome Hand Grenade is a go-go.

19:34Every other hour that I spend with you is not the least bit sad.

19:39Why is the opposite in that?

19:41If you don't believe me is the proof.

19:44Ask me if I, and I'll say I, I do.

19:47Oh.

19:47Dan, Dan, Dan.

19:49Change your plan.

19:50Mind your head.

19:53And now before Gavin and Linda make their solemn commitment to each other.

19:57They've written their own vows.

19:59Which they're now going to recite to each other.

20:02I've got mine on my phone.

20:04Brilliant.

20:07Shit.

20:07What?

20:08It's asking for a software update.

20:10I'm after saying yes.

20:12Why didn't you just print them out?

20:14I don't know.

20:15You're the one always saying we're living in a paperless world.

20:18Do you not like, I don't know, remember them?

20:22Three guesses as to who's singing this.

20:25I don't know.

20:26No.

20:27Your ma.

20:28No.

20:30Go on, have another guess.

20:31Is it Daniel actually?

20:32Gilbert O'Sullivan.

20:34He's actually from Waterford.

20:36What could it be?

20:38Woo!

20:39That's matrimony.

20:43It won't take long.

20:45Look, it's, it's initialising.

20:47Yeah.

20:51Where's Billy?

20:54Look at those prick with ears.

20:57There's nobody on the road.

21:01Look, come here.

21:03I've got somewhere I've got to be.

21:05Chop, chop.

21:06Alright lad, I'm only messing with you.

21:08Go on.

21:08Go ahead.

21:09In your own time.

21:15I'm sorry about this.

21:16It took me hours to ride him.

21:19And there's a little bit of something in there for everyone.

21:22Cries.

21:24Laughters.

21:24Zero care chases there.

21:26Well, we're all on tender hooks, I'm sure.

21:29It's 80%.

21:30You'll be cutting the cake when we get there.

21:33Shut up you!

21:36Steve McQueen.

21:37Fuck.

21:38Right.

21:39Tell your therapist I said hello!

21:42What's happening Shakespeare?

21:44It's the wheel of death.

21:45I think it's frozen.

21:47We're going to leave the vows.

21:49Well that's ruined everyone's day, I'm sure.

21:51Right, let's zip through this.

21:53Right.

21:54Gavin, Jimmy Barry, Madigan, do you take Linda Anastasia Walsh to be your lawfully wedded wife, sickness and health, up

22:00and down, deathly apart?

22:01I do.

22:02Great.

22:03Linda, do you take Gavin, lawfully wedded husband, sickness and health, rest your days?

22:07I...

22:13I...

22:14So yes.

22:17Stop this travesty!

22:21When I saw Linda's face, I realised the desperate lengths that love had driven me to.

22:26Oh, mother of God, who's this now?

22:30It's Dan Fogarty.

22:32He's a good looking fella, isn't he?

22:34Yeah.

22:35Yeah, and he's got something to tell you.

22:37Wait, wait, wait, wait.

22:42Diane, you can go home.

22:44Cool.

22:44Yeah.

22:44But I brought him for you, Con.

22:46Are you the fella from the poster?

22:48What is he doing here?

22:49He had sex with the bride last night.

22:52He what?

22:53Fuck.

22:56No, he didn't.

22:57Sure, how could he?

22:59He was with me, all night.

23:03Playing cards, like, yeah.

23:05You don't have to lie for me, Con.

23:08I'm so sorry, Gavin.

23:11Was it the full ride?

23:12Because I'm over the braction, I can forgive.

23:15I don't want your forgiveness.

23:18I...

23:18I don't want to marry you.

23:23I thought I did, but then I realised I wasn't being true to myself.

23:28And what I want more than anything in this whole world, is to be with my first true love.

23:36You're not talking about that fucking lang ball, are you?

23:39I am.

23:41Dolphins.

23:43Dolphins?

23:44Yeah.

23:45I want to go to UCC and study marine science.

23:48Thought you were going to say me there, Linda.

23:50Then I'm going to work with an NGO and clairs all the plastic from the Pacific Ocean.

23:54You really thought you were going to say me?

23:56I'm sorry.

23:57To both of you.

24:00But you're holding me back.

24:02Did anyone else think she was going to say me?

24:04Ah, right.

24:06Well, I'm teeing off at 3.30.

24:07Good luck.

24:10Sorry.

24:12Are you sure, love?

24:16Well...

24:17It's the software update finished.

24:20You shouldn't even worry about the nice things that I had to say,

24:23because...

24:23It would be wasted on someone like you.

24:28They were all wrote by ChatGPT anyway.

24:38Hey.

24:47Look, I know you've been working really hard and...

24:49Yeah, to provide for our child's future.

24:51I know, but I'm saying you don't have to.

24:53I've already raised a son.

24:55I did it by myself without a penny to my name.

24:57He turned out all right, didn't he?

24:58Yeah, is that the one who's just done three years in prison?

25:01Yeah, that's a fair point.

25:05Look, all I'm saying is, what kind of future is our little boy going to have

25:08if his mother and father are strangers to each other?

25:12Yeah, I suppose it is a bit early to start thinking about which college to send him to.

25:19Keep him alive, show him love, that's the job.

25:21Everything else you just make up as you go along.

25:32Are we going to this wedding then?

25:34Oh, the wedding's off.

25:36It's off?

25:38Long story.

25:41Maybe you and me could go home while he's asleep.

25:45Guess it's true what they say about weddings.

25:59What?

25:59This is so fucked and fun.

26:01Oh yeah?

26:01Who's my fault?

26:02You're the one that told Billy to find an answer to the church.

26:05To the church?

26:05Boy, that's hardly a church.

26:06You were too stingy to have fought real with.

26:08But he was out of your league anyway.

26:11I love you Linda!

26:12I love you more!

26:18Out of his league, is it?

26:19Well, it's true.

26:20Hasn't he got a good job and isn't it permanent and pensionable?

26:23We pay for half of this wedding, alright?

26:25Ha ha.

26:25And you can sing for us.

26:27Ha ha ha, yeah.

26:27Clatter him back.

26:29Clatter him back.

26:30Being married to a school teacher isn't the end of everyone's rainbow, you know?

26:34Well, neither has being married to a slacker.

26:38You're never going to get married again, boy.

26:39But you're married to myself.

26:41Yeah, is that right?

26:41You're married to me, yeah?

26:42Mike!

26:42Well, you know that we're doing you.

26:44Mike, huh?

26:46I don't know this guy!

26:49I don't know this guy!

26:50There you go!

26:53Oh!

26:56Oh!

26:56Wait, wait, man.

26:58Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

27:03Wait, wait, wait, wait!

27:04Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

27:04You don't come back to me!

27:07Oh, I'm wearing my horses!

27:09Let's make a new thing done!

27:14Let's go, okay.

27:18Okay.

27:20We're not down!

27:31Keep living for a car for the kick, ladies!

27:33Come in and fuck!

27:35Let's go, let's go, let's go!

27:39Let's go, let's go, let's go!

27:42In the end, no-one got what they wanted,

27:45except for Linda and Siwaan.

27:48The day didn't turn out the way any of us imagined it would.

27:52Except Jock was right what he said.

27:55Weddings really do make women horny.

28:07That's not...

28:09That's not...

28:27That's not...

28:30...

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