#fullmovie #engsub #tvseries #trending2026 #dramaseries #romancemovies #fullhd #Kids in the Hall - Brain Candy (1996)
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Short filmTranscript
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00:01:51piece of shit okay I am going to tell you a story now about how people like that
00:02:02sad pathetic brick back there found happiness but it is not a happy story
00:02:09okay I mean why do people think that life should always be happy you know
00:02:15because when I was a little boy my mother used to sing me a song it went like
00:02:22this life is short life is shit and soon it will be over but for you my friends
00:02:30this story is just beginning
00:02:54oh
00:03:18Some days it's dark
00:03:22Some days I work
00:03:27I work alone
00:03:31I walk alone
00:03:37I know
00:03:45Sweetness
00:03:50Oh my god
00:03:54Laughter
00:03:59Or not
00:04:39Oh my god
00:04:41Oh my god
00:04:42Oh my god
00:04:43Oh my god
00:04:43Oh my god
00:04:45Mr. November
00:04:48Oh
00:04:54Oh
00:04:56Yeah
00:04:56Oh
00:04:57Oh
00:04:59Okay
00:05:01Yeah
00:05:03Mr. December
00:05:05Okay
00:05:07Oh yeah
00:05:09Huh
00:05:18Hi kids
00:05:19Where's your father?
00:05:21He's upstairs masturbating to gay porn
00:05:24Again?
00:05:25Yeah
00:05:27Hey kids
00:05:28Hey dad
00:05:29I was just taking a shower
00:05:32Yep
00:05:32Just had myself out of the shower
00:05:34Shower
00:05:35Whoa
00:05:36Honey you're home
00:05:37Oh
00:05:40Wally you're ready
00:05:42I'm just so glad you're home
00:05:47Baby
00:05:47Baby
00:05:48Get in the vehicle baby
00:05:49I'm not getting in that vehicle
00:05:52Baby this is my gift to you
00:05:54What?
00:05:55Gift?
00:05:56It's not a gift
00:05:57You freaking stole this
00:05:59I stole it to make it up to you baby
00:06:01Don't tell me this
00:06:03How could you sleep with my best friend and then tell me about it
00:06:07Sure I told you about it baby
00:06:09But don't shoot the messenger
00:06:11Well you can say goodbye to this
00:06:13No baby
00:06:14Yeah
00:06:14Yes you can
00:06:15You know I need that
00:06:16Baby I need it
00:06:18Never name more Romeo
00:06:19How about a farewell one baby?
00:06:21Come on baby
00:06:22Just a sniff baby
00:06:22I'm seeing my dreams you cheating lying backstabbing
00:06:26Frick
00:06:34It's like a redite writing
00:06:37There's a black rule
00:06:37In my
00:06:38I'm seeing my
00:06:40It's like a redone
00:06:40In my
00:06:41And singing
00:06:43Something
00:06:44That's not
00:06:46As if
00:06:47Unbeing
00:06:47And rockery
00:06:48Was the only point
00:06:50In my dark type of life
00:06:53To be
00:06:54And
00:06:57I'm trying
00:06:58Want
00:06:59To be
00:07:02I'm sorry, I... I don't understand German.
00:07:08Scheisse.
00:07:12Most days it's dark.
00:07:17Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
00:07:21Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Hey!
00:07:25Whoa!
00:07:31I can't go on. This is bullshit.
00:07:56I can't go on.
00:07:59Whoa!
00:08:05What?
00:08:20I don't know.
00:08:48I don't know.
00:09:04I think I just may have something.
00:09:07I don't know.
00:09:26I don't know.
00:09:29I don't know.
00:09:46I don't know.
00:09:48All right.
00:09:49All right.
00:09:53I don't know.
00:10:17I don't know.
00:10:20I don't know.
00:10:33I don't know.
00:10:52I don't know.
00:10:52Hey, Peter smells a butterball.
00:10:53Look, you remember the last year was so dry
00:10:55and her and a brainер are the best.
00:10:57Got to go.
00:10:58Come on, kids.
00:10:59In the car.
00:11:00Come on, let's go.
00:11:03Sorry, Mom.
00:11:03We got to go.
00:11:04You're off.
00:11:05But you got to gift my mom?
00:11:06Oh, you got to gift my mom?
00:11:08Oh, I wonder what that is.
00:11:11It's a harmonica.
00:11:12Well, see you next year.
00:11:15That was lovely.
00:11:23Look, she's smiling.
00:11:25Yeah, she is.
00:11:26Oh, my.
00:11:27Oh, my.
00:11:29Calm down.
00:11:30Calm down.
00:11:31Just calm down.
00:11:33All right.
00:11:33Calm down.
00:11:34All right.
00:11:36How do you feel, patient 957?
00:11:38Oh.
00:11:40Um.
00:11:42Like a fresh towel drying on the line on a summer's day.
00:11:47Oh, I feel like a little worm peeking its head out of the ground after a rainstorm and seeing no
00:11:55robin.
00:11:58Oh, I feel like God's rubbing my tummy.
00:12:03You know, I haven't felt this happy since my son came to visit at Christmas.
00:12:11This could be it.
00:12:12Well, it's a strong maybe.
00:12:14Well, it could be it.
00:12:15This could be it.
00:12:15Jesus Christ!
00:12:17I think we got it.
00:12:19Yeah!
00:12:21And who are you?
00:12:24Just a guy.
00:12:49We're commencing final approach.
00:12:53Any clue as to his mood today?
00:12:56I'm sorry, I can't get a sense of his mood.
00:12:59Sock color?
00:13:01Red Socks.
00:13:04Red Socks! Red Socks!
00:13:06Red Socks?
00:13:09Red Socks! Red Socks! Red Socks!
00:13:13Red Socks! Red Socks!
00:13:14Red Socks!
00:13:16Red Socks!
00:13:18Red Socks!
00:13:18Red Socks!
00:13:18Red Socks!
00:13:19Red Socks okay, let's keep going, let's work together.
00:13:22Red and go no, go!
00:13:27Red Socks!
00:13:27Red Socks!
00:13:28Red Socks good morning Don!
00:13:33Red Socks!
00:13:36Red Socks we're going to happen!
00:13:57Good morning, Don.
00:14:00Good morning, sir.
00:14:01Good morning, Don.
00:14:02Good morning, Don.
00:14:03Good morning, Don.
00:14:05Good morning, Don.
00:14:06Good morning, Don.
00:14:08Uh, didn't we say good morning yesterday, Marv?
00:14:16Yeah, I guess we did, Don.
00:14:19Don, how did the board of directors meeting go?
00:14:30Can I have the room for a minute?
00:14:32Everybody out!
00:14:50My empire is crumbling!
00:14:58Uh, right.
00:15:00Everyone back in?
00:15:01Thank you, Don, how did the board of directors go?
00:15:10Thank you, Don, how did the board of directors go?
00:15:13Thank you, Don, how did the board of directors go?
00:15:14Um, to answer your question, Natalie, uh, the board of directors was a little concerned
00:15:21that we didn't have a back-to-school drug or Christmas drug.
00:15:25We didn't have an International Women's Day drug.
00:15:27Exactly.
00:15:28Uh, so, you know, I tried to remind them that when I invented stummies...
00:15:33Oh, oh, stummies, yes, Don.
00:15:35Thank God that you did.
00:15:36You know, it took both time and effort.
00:15:38Uh, but unfortunately, the board takes a narrow view,
00:15:42and in their own narrow way, they think that the company is losing money.
00:15:46Which, in fact, we are, but again, I think this is the narrow view.
00:15:50Well, damn them, Don. I mean, what the hell do they know?
00:15:53What do they know? Thank you.
00:15:54Well, they're insisting that we cut our research outlay by 60%.
00:16:01Of course I told them to fuck off.
00:16:03Good for you, Don.
00:16:06But then, out loud, I said I'd consider it.
00:16:09Of course, Don, exactly the right thing to do. Play with them.
00:16:12So, where are we with that, Marv?
00:16:15With what, Don?
00:16:17Our restructuring plan.
00:16:19You mean the thing that you just mentioned just now?
00:16:22Yeah.
00:16:23Oh, we're on top of that, Don.
00:16:26Good.
00:16:29Look, are we ever going to get the big table in here,
00:16:31or do I have to go out and cut down that fucking tree myself?
00:16:34I'll get right on that, yeah?
00:16:35Yeah, please.
00:16:36Okay, number one.
00:16:40Open.
00:16:45Open.
00:16:49Open.
00:16:49No.
00:16:50It's been two weeks, and I don't feel any different.
00:16:54All I've done is gain eight pounds.
00:16:55Now, what's in this?
00:16:57Oh, a little of this and a little of that.
00:16:59Open.
00:16:59Sugar, isn't it?
00:17:01I'm in the placebo group.
00:17:03Well, loose lips sink ships.
00:17:06Open.
00:17:06Oh, my face tells me it's sugar.
00:17:11Ow!
00:17:12Oh!
00:17:14You're not allowed to do that to me.
00:17:23Oh!
00:17:25Woo-hoo!
00:17:27Yeah!
00:17:28Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:17:30Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:17:31Yeah!
00:17:32Oh, my!
00:17:33Oh!
00:17:33Hello!
00:17:34Doctor!
00:17:35Yeah!
00:17:35Oh, my!
00:17:36Alice!
00:17:36Yeah!
00:17:37Just a second.
00:17:38I'm ready.
00:17:39Oh!
00:17:39Hello!
00:17:40Yeah!
00:17:41Woo!
00:17:41How are you feeling, 957?
00:17:44Pardon?
00:17:44How are you feeling, Mrs. Hurticure?
00:17:46Excellent.
00:17:47Just a little dizzy.
00:17:50So it's safe to say you're not suffering from any mood swings or bouts of depression?
00:17:54Oh, no, no mood swings.
00:17:57I'm a little dizzy.
00:17:59And how's your appetite?
00:18:01Excellent.
00:18:02Oh, I am a little dizzy.
00:18:06Okay.
00:18:07Oh!
00:18:09Woo!
00:18:11Here we go again.
00:18:13Woo-hoo!
00:18:15This urine is great.
00:18:16And the liver function test came back completely clean.
00:18:19Totally clean.
00:18:20See, I told you.
00:18:21The goddamn drug works.
00:18:23Yes, I know that the early results have been, oh, favorable, I guess is the word.
00:18:30What?
00:18:30Oh, come on.
00:18:31Slow down, gang.
00:18:32Remember, we got lots more testing to do.
00:18:34Guys, maybe Chris is right.
00:18:39Dr. Cooper?
00:18:40Dr. Chris Cooper?
00:18:42Yes, sir?
00:18:44Could you spare five minutes, please?
00:18:46That's on one here now.
00:18:48That's on one.
00:18:53We're just going to step upstairs for a moment, okay, Chris?
00:18:56The vultures are flying in today.
00:19:00There's a lot of shit going down.
00:19:02It's carnage.
00:19:04They're cutting all the fat.
00:19:09Chris?
00:19:17Don's been shot.
00:19:19Don's been shot.
00:19:20Don's been shot.
00:19:20I heard we've been bottled by the Japanese.
00:19:22Hey, I just heard that the Japanese have been shot.
00:19:27No.
00:19:29You're alone.
00:19:30No.
00:19:31At least let me take my munchies.
00:19:32I don't care what happens to me.
00:19:34But please, please let me take my munchies.
00:19:38I don't care what happens to me.
00:19:41What's going on?
00:19:43Nothing's going on, Chris.
00:19:48Look, this is just an informal chat.
00:19:51We were wondering what you were working on in your lab.
00:19:54Well, I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
00:20:01Right.
00:20:01And what's positive about that?
00:20:04Well, it's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
00:20:09Well, could it also give worms to ex-boyfriends?
00:20:13This is a drug for the world to give worms to ex-girlfriends.
00:20:20Well, great.
00:20:22Thanks for stopping by.
00:20:26You just don't get it here.
00:20:31Hoo-hoo!
00:20:42Well, I've been working on a thing.
00:20:44It's, uh, sort of like stummies.
00:20:47Go on.
00:20:48I like what I hear so far.
00:20:50It's exactly like stummies.
00:20:53And the twist is?
00:20:55It's a much bigger pill.
00:20:57I like a lot.
00:20:59Is it ready for production?
00:21:00Yes, sir.
00:21:01It's ready to go.
00:21:02Have there been any side effects?
00:21:04Yes, sir.
00:21:05A few side effects.
00:21:06Well, that's okay.
00:21:07As long as there's no Flipper Babies, right, Don?
00:21:16Well, there have been a few Flipper Babies.
00:21:25It was only a couple of Flipper Babies!
00:21:33Mark, I'm really starting to think...
00:21:34It would really be better if you didn't, Chris.
00:21:54Uh, Dr. Cooper, uh, please, have a seat.
00:22:08Look, this is just an informal chat.
00:22:10Uh, would you like a stummies?
00:22:12There's some in front of you there.
00:22:14Thank you very much.
00:22:21So, how's your family?
00:22:24I don't really have a family per se, sir.
00:22:28Mm, mm.
00:22:29Uh, so, what are you working on?
00:22:32Well, as you know, I am working on a drug that will cure depression.
00:22:40Go on.
00:22:43I really don't have my notes with me.
00:22:47Apparently, I do have my notes with me.
00:22:51The results have been, uh, very positive.
00:22:55Is it ready?
00:22:57Oh, um, well, uh, um...
00:23:01Well, look, if it's not ready, uh...
00:23:04Well, it's not that it isn't ready, sir.
00:23:06It's just that we have so much more testing to do.
00:23:09Dr. Cooper, is it ready or not?
00:23:28Dr. Cooper?
00:23:32I've got great news!
00:23:33They're going ahead with a drug!
00:23:34What?
00:23:36Lots of things in the lab to do, lots of things to do...
00:23:39But, Chris, you said there was much more testing to do.
00:23:41Well, people say things.
00:23:45Mm, fascinating!
00:23:48Uh, Chris, isn't it a little early in the research phase to be releasing a new drug?
00:23:54Well, Simon, we can't be too by the bookie about this testing thing.
00:23:59That's better.
00:24:01Besides, Baxter here said the drug worked, and we all trust Baxter, don't we?
00:24:05It's just that...
00:24:06Alice, are you saying that you don't trust Baxter?
00:24:11No, I...
00:24:12Chris?
00:24:14What gives?
00:24:14Yeah!
00:24:16They were going to close out our lab if we didn't come up with a drug.
00:24:19Oh!
00:24:21Oh!
00:24:22Come on!
00:24:23We might be releasing the most effective antidepressant ever!
00:24:26Well, it is a good drug.
00:24:28Yeah, but...
00:24:29I?
00:24:30Yeah!
00:24:30Come on, let's celebrate!
00:24:39Okay, who wants another drink?
00:24:41Chris?
00:24:43Another drink?
00:24:44Alice?
00:24:45Alice, you're in?
00:24:46Another one?
00:24:47Mm-hmm.
00:24:47Baxter?
00:24:48Yep.
00:24:48One more?
00:24:49Chris?
00:24:50Got you.
00:24:51Okay.
00:24:52All right, wait.
00:24:53Chris?
00:24:54Another?
00:24:55Good.
00:24:55Good boy.
00:24:56Chris?
00:24:56Chris, you're in?
00:24:57Come on, Alice.
00:24:59Alice!
00:24:59Come on, another drink, right?
00:25:01You're not sure?
00:25:02Come on.
00:25:02Come on.
00:25:03Okay.
00:25:04All right, Alice is having one.
00:25:05And, uh, Chris?
00:25:07You're having a drink?
00:25:07All right.
00:25:12All right, all right, hang on.
00:25:14Baxter?
00:25:21Hey, hey, look!
00:25:24I'm an elephant rider!
00:25:27Huh?
00:25:28You like that?
00:25:32You know, my father suffered from depression.
00:25:36Chris.
00:25:38Chris.
00:25:39I never knew that, Chris.
00:25:43Yep.
00:25:56Hello, son.
00:26:00Did you clean the house while your old man was at work today?
00:26:03Yep.
00:26:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:26:06Did you clean under the fridge?
00:26:08Yep.
00:26:09Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:26:13What about the gun?
00:26:15Did you give the gun a good cleaning?
00:26:18Yep.
00:26:19Good boy.
00:26:20Good boy.
00:26:23Good boy.
00:26:26Good boy.
00:26:28Good boy.
00:26:52Holy mother, my foot!
00:26:55Ow!
00:26:57My other foot!
00:26:59Two hours later, he hit a vital organ and died.
00:27:05I never knew that, Chris.
00:27:11No, this is wrong.
00:27:14We're scientists.
00:27:16Okay.
00:27:17Okay.
00:27:18Okay.
00:27:20Okay.
00:27:20No.
00:27:21Okay.
00:27:22Okay.
00:27:24Okay.
00:27:25Excuse me, is that the bill?
00:27:27No!
00:27:31Okay.
00:27:46Okay.
00:27:46Chris, could you spare five minutes?
00:27:53Okay.
00:28:01But respectfully, shut the fuck up.
00:28:11You're not a plate of croissants.
00:28:16No, I'm not.
00:28:18Well, then, can you get me something to eat before I chew my fucking hand off?
00:28:23No, no, no, no.
00:28:26This is Dr. Chris Cooper.
00:28:27He's the inventor of the drug.
00:28:29Thank you for inventing a marvelous drug.
00:28:32This is Cisco.
00:28:34He's the head of marketing.
00:28:35Look, we were just having a little jam session and we wondered what your thoughts were on
00:28:40orange.
00:28:45For what?
00:28:46The color of the drug.
00:28:48Duh.
00:28:53Well, the actual color of the drug, in its non-synthesized state, is kind of a bluish
00:28:58hue.
00:29:00Great.
00:29:00So, uh, orange it is then?
00:29:02Yes.
00:29:03Terrific.
00:29:03Yeah.
00:29:04Okay.
00:29:04Yeah, I think that's good.
00:29:07Can we get back to work?
00:29:16Chris.
00:29:18Oh, Chris.
00:29:19It's all happening so fast.
00:29:22Okay.
00:29:23I won't call for a week.
00:29:26What?
00:29:27I understand.
00:29:29Oh.
00:29:30Good.
00:29:33I...
00:29:33I'm...
00:29:34I'm sorry.
00:29:35I...
00:29:36I'm sorry.
00:29:37I...
00:29:37I...
00:29:37Something wrong?
00:29:39No.
00:29:43I'm sorry.
00:29:45Oh, hi.
00:29:46Are you all right?
00:29:47Oh, I'm fine.
00:29:49I'm fine.
00:29:50I'm fine.
00:29:50I needed the exercise.
00:29:52Oh.
00:29:53Dr. Cooper.
00:29:55Dr. Chris Cooper.
00:29:57I was actually coming to see you.
00:29:59Do you remember me?
00:30:01Hmm?
00:30:02Hmm?
00:30:03Of course.
00:30:04You're 957.
00:30:06Dr. Cooper.
00:30:07Because of you and your marvelous doctor.
00:30:09I'm out of the old folks' home and I'm on my own again.
00:30:12I'm even working part-time as a nude art model.
00:30:16Oh, doctor.
00:30:18I haven't felt this good since they said it's not malignant.
00:30:21God bless you and your important work.
00:30:25God bless.
00:30:32Ha, ha.
00:30:33Bluish hue.
00:30:35Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:30:36Duh.
00:30:42Okay.
00:30:43I was driving around last night in my $62,000 car.
00:30:47And I'm trying to think up a name for the drug.
00:30:49And suddenly it hit me.
00:30:50The name?
00:30:52No, a bird.
00:30:53It hit my windshield.
00:30:55When that happened, I got depressed.
00:30:57Not you, Cisco.
00:30:59Yeah, even me.
00:31:00But as soon as I got depressed, I got undepressed.
00:31:03Because as I was cleaning the gleaming guts of that bird off my windshield,
00:31:06I thought of the name for the drug.
00:31:08Gleamon-X.
00:31:12The slogan?
00:31:16Gleamon-X makes it feel like it's 72 degrees in your head.
00:31:20All the time.
00:31:25Gleamon-X.
00:31:36The drug is approved.
00:31:39Next.
00:31:40The drug is back in my head.
00:31:56The drug is very fuhr aye.
00:31:59Yes.
00:32:01The drug is not over.
00:32:02It's over.
00:32:02The drug is not over.
00:32:03The drug is not over.
00:32:03The drug is not over.
00:32:04There's a drug.
00:32:04The drug is not over.
00:32:07The drug is over.
00:32:09The drug is very frail.
00:32:25I used to live on the street, had cardboard bum from sleeping on cardboard, then Jesus,
00:32:35I mean, Dr. Cooper gave me his drug. Now I'm more productive. I'm a security guard with a gun.
00:32:57Hi, welcome to the Nina Bedford Show. I'm Nina Bedford. Do you like my new outfit?
00:33:06Happiness. Can it be bought in the form of a pill?
00:33:10On today's Nina Bedford Show, we're talking to Dr. Chris Cooper, the inventor of the new wonder drug, Gleamanex.
00:33:23Dr. Cooper, tell us about this new happy drug. How does it make people feel?
00:33:29Well, Nina, what we like to say around the lab is that it makes people feel like it's, uh...
00:33:4172 degrees in the head all the time.
00:33:44We don't say that. Well, we could start.
00:33:4672 degrees in the head? Sounds like L.A.
00:33:52Okay.
00:33:53Okay, questions.
00:33:54Yes, sir. You.
00:33:56I want to be a scientist just like you. What's your advice?
00:34:04Um...
00:34:05Work hard and stay in school.
00:34:08Good advice. Anyone else?
00:34:12All the way up here. Okay.
00:34:14How big is your house?
00:34:15Oh, yeah. Chris, how big is your house?
00:34:19Well, actually, I live in a small apartment.
00:34:24Um, next question. Yes. Yes, you, ma'am.
00:34:30Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Tom Jones?
00:34:33Because we think you do.
00:34:36Doesn't anyone want to know how the drug works chemically?
00:34:40Chris, stand up and wiggle your hips for us.
00:34:43Oh, no, I couldn't.
00:34:45Oh, come on.
00:34:46Ladies, don't you want to see a wiggler's hips?
00:34:48I do.
00:34:49Come on.
00:34:52I'm a scientist and a wiggler.
00:34:54Come on, get up.
00:34:56Okay.
00:34:57You don't have to be beautiful
00:35:01To turn me on
00:35:05I just need to go
00:35:07Even though he's nice, he does look like a young Tom Jones.
00:35:11Woo!
00:35:13You don't need experience
00:35:18Okay, then. When we come back, we're gonna give Dr. Chris Cooper a complete makeover.
00:35:23Okay, Chris. Wiggle us out.
00:35:26I'm so gonna give you a little sponge.
00:35:29You go, Dr. Chris.
00:35:40Hey, did you see that Nina Bedford show this morning?
00:35:45Yeah, that thing about toast-fucking.
00:35:49Toast-fucking?
00:35:50Yeah, it's the new thing where you fuck or get fucked with toast.
00:35:55Well, the show this morning was about that new drug.
00:36:00Must have been a dream I had.
00:36:04I hope so.
00:36:07Well, pitter-patter, let's get at her.
00:36:09Hey, hey, hey, hang on a second. I gotta drain the snake.
00:36:12Drain the snake.
00:36:36Hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:36:36Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:36:38Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:36:41Freeze. I'm your nightmare, Mr. Freeze.
00:36:43Freeze!
00:36:44Stop!
00:36:46You!
00:36:47Over there!
00:36:48You!
00:36:48Hey, business!
00:36:49You!
00:36:50Freeze!
00:36:51Look!
00:36:54Oh!
00:36:55I got one!
00:36:56Officers!
00:36:57Go!
00:36:57But those men...
00:36:58They stole my wallet!
00:37:00Down on the ground, sir!
00:37:02Get down on the ground!
00:37:03We always win!
00:37:08Can you step out of the car, please, sir?
00:37:11It's all a big misunderstanding.
00:37:12You know, like a Three's Company episode.
00:37:16Somebody came in the wrong door and all hell broke loose!
00:37:20Doreen!
00:37:22Oh, Wally.
00:37:25We didn't charge him, ma'am.
00:37:26We thought bringing him home bare-ass naked was punishment enough.
00:37:31Were the handcuffs totally necessary, officer?
00:37:34Well, actually, that was your husband's idea.
00:37:39Well, thanks for dropping him off. Good night.
00:37:41Ma'am, I'd just like to say I don't understand how men like that can get up to these kind
00:37:45of perk shenanigans with a lovely piece of ass like yourself waiting at home.
00:37:51Thank you, I guess.
00:37:54You're welcome, ma'am.
00:37:58Honey, I think you've got a right to know what happened.
00:38:01Wally pleased her.
00:38:02No, no, no.
00:38:03I went out driving, because as you know, I love driving, when suddenly I had to take the biggest pee
00:38:09in the world.
00:38:09So, uh, I saw this washroom.
00:38:11So I stopped in and, uh, but it was full of those types.
00:38:14You know, queers and queenies.
00:38:18So, one of them tried to kiss me.
00:38:20And I said, no!
00:38:21No!
00:38:22No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:38:25But he just kept kissing me.
00:38:27Why would he do that?
00:38:31Well, didn't you tell me that you had gripped him by the buttocks and pulled him closer?
00:38:36Yes, but that was because I was concerned that he might fall.
00:38:40I mean, doctor, his pants were down around his goddamn ankles.
00:38:49Doctor, why do those, uh, you know, those, uh, types keep thinking that I'm one of them?
00:38:57Because you are one of them.
00:39:01Uh-huh.
00:39:01You are gay.
00:39:03You, you, you are gay.
00:39:05You are a homosexual.
00:39:06Mm-hmm.
00:39:07The opposite of straight, you're gay.
00:39:08Mm-hmm.
00:39:09I know it.
00:39:09Your family knows it.
00:39:10Dogs know it.
00:39:12Everyone seems to know it except you.
00:39:14Then why is it that I'm not aware of it?
00:39:16It's called denial.
00:39:20Look, doctor, uh, are you just gonna sit there and, uh, spew psychiatry?
00:39:33I'm just gonna, uh, tell you what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna write you a prescription for, uh, for
00:39:38the drug.
00:39:38The drug?
00:39:40Yes.
00:39:41Gleamanex.
00:39:42It's, it's new.
00:39:43I don't normally like to do this, but you're, you're a special case.
00:39:47Well, will I still be in denial?
00:39:50No.
00:39:51It's to be hoped that you'll just be gay.
00:39:58Well, Casey's on it.
00:39:59Futura's on it.
00:40:00Roby's on it.
00:40:01Seven's on it.
00:40:02Josh is on it.
00:40:03Skye is on it.
00:40:04Of course Skye's on it.
00:40:05Skye's on everything.
00:40:06Yeah, including you.
00:40:07Once?
00:40:08Yeah, well.
00:40:10It's made from monkey cum, you know.
00:40:16Pardon me?
00:40:18The drug.
00:40:19It's made from monkey cum.
00:40:22They keep these monkeys locked in a room all day, you know.
00:40:26And then they make them jack off.
00:40:28And then they take the cum and they boil it or something, and that's what the drug is made of.
00:40:35They make them jack off.
00:40:37Oh yeah, they show them this animal pornography.
00:40:41You know, really kinky stuff like two dogs making love with a cat or, you know, a bat and a
00:40:47pig, you know.
00:40:48That's bullshit.
00:40:52Okay, you two, out of my cab.
00:40:54I don't like that kind of language, alright?
00:40:56Yeah, well, you're obviously not on it.
00:40:58Come on, move it out of here.
00:41:00You're not getting taller, one, you ugly man.
00:41:02I don't give a crap, you stupid slinky, huh?
00:41:11Is he coming out?
00:41:13I hear he's too depressed to go on.
00:41:15It's gonna be amazing, eh?
00:41:32Oh, no!
00:41:33Look!
00:41:34Look at that!
00:41:49I wanna talk about drugs.
00:41:52Heroin!
00:41:53no not heroin no not speed no not even hashish no not horse
00:42:09tranquilizers I just heard about this new drug that makes you happy I just want
00:42:23to say
00:42:24but happy
00:42:49Well, Marv, are they in?
00:42:59Yes, Don.
00:43:01The grosses are in.
00:43:04Well?
00:43:06Well, Don, I think it's important to remember
00:43:08that these things are never quite as bad
00:43:10as they may seem at first.
00:43:12I mean, the data can be interpreted in many ways.
00:43:14I think it's important to bear that in mind.
00:43:16There are a lot of ways of interpreting the data, Don.
00:43:18I think that you should just...
00:43:27You son of a bitch, word number one.
00:43:31I got you, Don.
00:43:33You son of a bitch, we beat penicillin.
00:43:36We kick penicillin's sorry ass, Don.
00:43:41Could I have the room for a second, you son of a bitch?
00:43:44Yes, Don, I understand.
00:43:52We beat penicillin!
00:43:57We beat penicillin!
00:44:11Mr. November, he's hot.
00:44:30Mr. December, he likes it out.
00:44:44You are scum!
00:44:47Do you hear me, soldier?
00:44:48Yes, sir!
00:44:49Do you know what we are going to do today?
00:44:52No, sir!
00:44:53Well, we are going to be doing push-ups all day!
00:44:57You and me, all day!
00:45:01Do you think that's funny, soldier?
00:45:03No, sir!
00:45:03Well, then you will be doing those push-ups with me lying on your back!
00:45:08You are going to discover muscles you never knew you had!
00:45:13Big muscles!
00:45:16Hard muscles!
00:45:17Oh, yes, sir!
00:45:21Oh, yes, sir!
00:45:55I'm gay!
00:45:57He's gay!
00:46:07I'm gay!
00:46:09He's gay!
00:46:10He's gay!
00:46:11He's gay!
00:46:12Did you hear the news?
00:46:13He's gay!
00:46:14I used to be straight, and now I'm gay!
00:46:16I think the drug made me that way!
00:46:18He's gay!
00:46:19He's gay!
00:46:20He's gay!
00:46:22He's gay!
00:46:25He's gay!
00:46:29I'm gay!
00:46:53I'm gay!
00:46:55These are fakes!
00:46:56Get out of here!
00:46:58Scram!
00:47:03Thank you. Have a good evening.
00:47:08I think that's him, the inventor of the drug.
00:47:16My God, Mr. Roarker's house is amazing.
00:47:22This reminds me of when I was a little girl.
00:47:24Chris, can I see you? Just take five minutes.
00:47:26That's great. They're talking about us.
00:47:33Someone would like to meet you. Oh, really?
00:47:38Hello. Hi, Doctor. I'm Cancer Boy.
00:47:43And what would you like to say to the doctor?
00:47:46I'd like to thank you for your marvelous drug.
00:47:50Oh, are you on it, Cancer Boy?
00:47:52No. There is no hope for me.
00:47:56But my parents are on it, though.
00:47:59They were so very low, not just because of me,
00:48:02but because my brother was born with his heart on the outside of his body.
00:48:09Is that a fact? Yeah.
00:48:12Nice to make your acquaintance.
00:48:16Oh, sorry. Sorry.
00:48:18That's okay. My marrow is just low.
00:48:24Now, Chris, you've been ignoring Don all night.
00:48:26You really should speak with him.
00:48:29Well, um...
00:48:34Each day's a gift. Did you see?
00:48:38Did you see? The doctor and me, did you see?
00:48:54Oh, uh, hi, Chris. Come on in. I'm almost done.
00:48:57Mmm. Thank you, Marv.
00:49:03Could you do it harder?
00:49:06A little softer.
00:49:08In circles?
00:49:11Less in circles.
00:49:13They're fine.
00:49:16Right, but more in circles.
00:49:18Right.
00:49:24Great.
00:49:25Done.
00:49:26Um, head scratch, Chris?
00:49:27No, thank you, Don.
00:49:28You sure?
00:49:30Thanks, Siobhan. Good job.
00:49:33Can I get you anything else, Chris?
00:49:35Uh, grappa?
00:49:36Wine?
00:49:37Cappuccino?
00:49:37Tickets to a Lakers game?
00:49:39No, thanks, Don.
00:49:40Are you sure?
00:49:41What about, uh, cheesecake?
00:49:44Double-A batteries?
00:49:45Land in Montana?
00:49:49No. No, thank you.
00:49:53Okay, um...
00:49:54You know, Chris, I offer you these things, but they'll be yours anyway.
00:49:58Do you understand?
00:50:00No.
00:50:01Did, uh, Marv talk to you?
00:50:04Yes.
00:50:04Yes, he did.
00:50:05Ah, good. So you know.
00:50:08Know what?
00:50:09That we're applying for your drug to be non-prescription.
00:50:15But my drug is for the clinically depressed.
00:50:20You know, Chris, you've invented a marvelous drug, and right now only certain people can have access to it, and
00:50:26we think that everyone should have access to it. Like, uh, like, you know, like ghetto children. You know, apparently
00:50:32their lives are horrible. Did you read that thing in the Times? But, uh, anyway, you want ghetto children to
00:50:38be happy, don't you, Chris?
00:50:39Well, sure, Don, but...
00:50:41All right, of course you do.
00:50:42Now, look, there may be, uh, some papers to sign. That's if this thing happens. But, of course, it might
00:50:47not happen. You know how these things are.
00:50:48But I really think...
00:50:50Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:50:57It was supposed to be fixed. Come on, Chris.
00:51:14Hang on, I'll introduce you around. Um, everyone!
00:51:21This is Chris Cooper. He's the inventor of our new drug.
00:51:31Now, as some of you know, the drug is going non-prescription, which is good. That's it.
00:51:41What's this?
00:51:43Oh, this is the real party, Chris.
00:51:56Where's Chris?
00:51:58I don't know. I haven't seen him in a while.
00:52:00Hey, he's over here.
00:52:02What?
00:52:02Yeah, look, he's on this monitor.
00:52:05Chris?
00:52:08Oh, wow. Who's she?
00:52:12Cute.
00:52:16Oh.
00:52:19She must be another scientist.
00:52:36Hmm.
00:52:44Hmm.
00:52:47So, Chrissy, does this mutt say, Gleamin' X for Pats?
00:52:53Sort of. Um, you know, I don't even know if he looks happy or if he would even take the
00:52:59drug.
00:53:00Oh, you don't like Chris?
00:53:02Well, it's just that I have this dog in my head and I haven't seen it yet.
00:53:09Right. Right.
00:53:11I've got to see more dogs. I've got to have more dogs. It's a dog disaster. I've got to see
00:53:15more dogs. It's a dog disaster.
00:53:16I've got to see more dogs.
00:53:17Oh, hey, terrific. I'll do this.
00:53:18Oh, uh, Nat.
00:53:19Mm-hmm.
00:53:20My tap is Luke.
00:53:23Lukewarm, Chris?
00:53:24No, Luke Skywalker, you're fucking in, Brad.
00:53:32Tasty.
00:53:55Hold that.
00:53:57Heroin!
00:53:58No, not heroin. I have a new song. I wrote it in the park.
00:54:11Happiness and sunbeams and cute little puppy dogs. These are the things that I've seen with my heart. Life is
00:54:20a happy game if you don't forget to smile.
00:54:23But every now and then, fuck your face. It harbors a frown.
00:54:29You suck!
00:54:32Sadness is a barnacle clinging to your bright bow. You won't let it sink your spirits if you'll only learn
00:54:39to float.
00:54:40We are all sea captains sailing on life's rough seas. Come on, you Magellans, come with me. I've got pie.
00:54:50Happiness pie.
00:54:52Happy tailors. Happy workers. Happy farmers. Happy girls. Happy widowers. Happy freelance artists. Happy welders. Happy world. Happy drinkers. Happy
00:55:02thinkers. Happy musicians. Happy beauticians. Happy mares. Happy pears. Happy call girls. Happy hula boys.
00:55:15Happy ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
00:55:28Happy married last night. Happy liberally.
00:55:35The winner of the World Video Award
00:55:38for Best New Contemporary Song
00:55:40REVO!
00:55:48I'd like to thank my fan base.
00:55:50We did it.
00:55:52Smile, it's free.
00:56:05He's the inventor of the new Wendertrunk, Liebenix.
00:56:07She's a super, supermodel.
00:56:09Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Clemptor and Dr. Chris Cooper.
00:56:13Whatever one wants to see that movie, please.
00:56:20Writing a hit song is a real science.
00:56:25Well, you should know, Chris.
00:56:31And now, the award for the Best New Rap, Hip-Hop, or Fuck Act.
00:56:39And the first nominee is Cancer Boy.
00:56:43Yummy.
00:56:45From his new album, Whistle When You're Low.
00:57:06With The New Rap, Hip-Hop!
00:57:10Have a great day.
00:57:16We're bored, poppy, poppy, poppy, poppy J guest,
00:57:20Jin also?
00:57:22Look how good, that бывает,
00:57:24his other memory every day,
00:57:26And we're going to go...
00:57:29Yeah!
00:57:31I love you!
00:57:34Thanks!
00:57:35Thank you!
00:57:36Thank you!
00:57:37I would've killed myself if it weren't for you.
00:57:39Thanks, kid. Can I have an autograph?
00:57:42Sure. Can I sign my scarf?
00:57:44Yeah, sure.
00:57:45Chris Cooper, sign my scarf!
00:57:48Yes! Yes!
00:57:50He stopped me!
00:57:51He stopped me!
00:57:52Leave it!
00:57:56Something's in my eye!
00:57:59Fine.
00:58:24Well, uh...
00:58:25Chris, do you want me to get it?
00:58:29No, I'm...
00:58:32favorable.
00:58:33Would one of you ladies get the door?
00:58:44Oh, um...
00:58:46Hello.
00:58:48What do you want?
00:58:49Is, um...
00:58:51your uncle here?
00:58:53Uncle?
00:58:56Oh...
00:58:58Right.
00:59:02Uncle Chris!
00:59:04Uncle?
00:59:05What, are we going to play another game?
00:59:07Because...
00:59:07Alice!
00:59:09What are you doing here?
00:59:10There's something wrong with little Sigmund.
00:59:13Chris!
00:59:14Can we order some chicken wings?
00:59:16Get a receipt!
00:59:18What do you mean wrong?
00:59:20He's in some sort of coma or something.
00:59:23Let me see.
00:59:26I think little Sigmund's locked in his happiest memory.
00:59:30I see a mouse thinking, Alice.
00:59:33That's it.
00:59:34We're breaking up.
00:59:38Alice, you seem a little upset and pretty deluded.
00:59:42No.
00:59:44I just think that you should seriously consider...
00:59:47taking my drug.
00:59:51Women.
00:59:53Not you two.
00:59:55I was in love with you, you know.
00:59:58I could have anyone.
01:00:00I'm beautiful.
01:00:08We almost kissed.
01:00:17So, when would you girls like to sign that form...
01:00:19that said last night never happened?
01:00:41So, when would you girls like to sign that form...
01:00:42We're right back!
01:00:46I'll call you!
01:00:50It's all yours, Captain.
01:01:15It's all yours!
01:01:16Yep.
01:01:27You're my character.
01:01:27I love you.
01:01:28If I was lonely, what you were going to die.
01:01:31I just love you.
01:01:31I know that you were a place to sign...
01:01:31...line to sign that form.
01:01:32But I'm not really lucky.
01:01:32I don't know that you're going to have any questions.
01:01:32You don't know what to really do.
01:01:32You're lucky, cuatro etapa talker.
01:01:34It's fucking smart and beautiful.
01:01:37I'm lucky.
01:01:41I'm lucky.
01:01:42I don't know what to do.
01:01:42Come on, make your move.
01:01:52Uh-oh.
01:02:06957.
01:02:08957.
01:02:10957?
01:02:11Mrs. Hurticure?
01:02:26Mrs. Hurticure?
01:02:28Mrs. Hurticure?
01:02:31Rowena?
01:02:34957?
01:02:35Mrs. Hurticure?
01:02:37Kill him, my head!
01:02:39Kill him, my head!
01:02:39Tell him, my head!
01:02:41Pew!
01:02:42Pew!
01:02:47Pew!
01:03:11Hey, you kids, get away from there.
01:03:15Get out from under that lady's dress.
01:03:20Mrs. Hurticure, are you all right?
01:03:22Are you all right, Mrs. Hurticure?
01:03:25Mrs. Hurticure?
01:03:28Coming!
01:03:29Mrs. Hurticure!
01:03:31Gotta go!
01:03:31Mr. Harmonica!
01:03:33That was lovely!
01:03:34Coming!
01:03:36Go!
01:03:36Harmonica!
01:03:37Lovely!
01:03:46Tea!
01:03:48Tea!
01:03:48Tea!
01:04:03Dr. Cooper, is it ready or not?
01:04:09In my opinion, the drug is ready.
01:04:18Don, we're...
01:04:29Excuse me a second, Rabbi.
01:04:32Chris, we're having a family bris.
01:04:34My nephew's brising.
01:04:35We're about to brisk.
01:04:36Can this not wait?
01:04:37Don, we're in trouble.
01:04:39What?
01:04:40When I told you the drug was ready, I, um, hadn't really done enough testing.
01:04:45And now Mrs. Hurticure, one of the first test subjects, has, um, gone into a coma.
01:04:52Yeah, but Chris, wasn't she an old lady?
01:04:54I mean, old ladies go into comas every day, right?
01:04:57Mm-hmm.
01:04:58No, Don.
01:04:58It's the drug.
01:05:00Alice tried to warn me, but I didn't listen.
01:05:03But people gotta know, we gotta go to the media.
01:05:07The media, Chris?
01:05:09Uh, what are you talking?
01:05:10Newspaper?
01:05:11Television?
01:05:11CD-ROM?
01:05:12College radio?
01:05:14Yes, Don.
01:05:14The whole kid and caboodle.
01:05:18You know, I think we ought to think about it before we go, uh, to the media.
01:05:22Uh-huh.
01:05:22Mm-hmm.
01:05:23Mm.
01:05:26Mm.
01:05:35No.
01:05:36No?
01:05:36No, I don't think we should go to the media.
01:05:38You know, I agree.
01:05:39Huh?
01:05:39Yeah.
01:05:39But we have to!
01:05:45Uh, Rabbi Johnson, just, just give me a minute, okay?
01:05:50Uh, Chris, let's talk.
01:05:57You know, Chris, the thing about being upset is that, besides it sometimes being a turn-on
01:06:03to women, is that it's not a state that you really want to be in when you make an important
01:06:08decision, like, say, going to the press.
01:06:11Wouldn't you agree?
01:06:12No.
01:06:13No, I wouldn't.
01:06:14I think we gotta get the word out.
01:06:15Yeah, but Chris, you would agree that Paris is the capital of France.
01:06:18Wouldn't you agree to that?
01:06:20Yes, but-
01:06:21If we could, then we're back in agreement.
01:06:26You know, the thing here's, Chris, is that your drug, it's effectively changing the world
01:06:30for the better.
01:06:30You know, it's important that you know that, because, have you heard that crack is, you
01:06:34know, gone?
01:06:35I mean, crime is down, and oddly enough, so is tourism.
01:06:38But, you know, if I haven't said it before, good job.
01:06:49You know, and about the comas, Chris, you know, in war they call that sort of thing acceptable
01:06:54losses.
01:06:55Like, it's 1944, and the Germans are in France, when really they should be in Germany, and
01:07:00it's gonna cost a pretty penny to get them home.
01:07:02And, you know, what we already know about your drug and, you know, what I'm gonna show
01:07:06you is that the acceptable losses there are really at about 5%, you know, if that.
01:07:22You know, Chris, it might be very easy here to take the narrow view and say, you know,
01:07:28oh my god, more coma victims.
01:07:30Oh, how terrible, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
01:07:33You know, Chris, I still think that's the narrow view, you know?
01:07:37Because they're stuck in their happiest memories.
01:07:53And, you know, Chris, in a situation like this, I think you should rely on my experience.
01:07:59Because, you know, Chris, when I invented stummies...
01:08:02Oh, fuck stummies!
01:08:03And you too, Don!
01:08:05You pushed, boy!
01:08:07You pushed!
01:08:07Dumb Baxter said the drug was great.
01:08:10I said testing!
01:08:12And you...
01:08:12You took away my lap!
01:08:14Because you...
01:08:15Sure, I lost my virginity, but who do you think you pushed, boy?
01:08:20You pushed!
01:08:21Chris, I gotta return rear window to video store!
01:08:25Now this?
01:08:27Comas?
01:08:28Acceptable losses?
01:08:29Late fees?
01:08:30No.
01:08:31No, I don't think I will fuck stummies.
01:08:35Get your finger out of my face, Don.
01:08:37Don't you touch my finger, Chris.
01:08:38You get your finger out of my face, Don.
01:08:40Don't you touch my finger, Chris.
01:08:42Get your finger out of my face!
01:08:42Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:44Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:44Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:46Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:46Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:47Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:47Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:47Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:48Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:49Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:51Don't you touch my finger!
01:08:58Don't you touch my finger!
01:09:05Don't you touch my finger!
01:09:08Don't you touch my finger!
01:09:12Out of my fucking fingers.
01:09:51What's the matter?
01:09:52What's the matter?
01:09:54Oh, Wallace?
01:09:57Wally?
01:09:59Wally.
01:10:01Come on now.
01:10:02Not tonight, we're wearing our suits.
01:10:05No secrets here, remember?
01:10:07No secrets between sailors.
01:10:11You are scum!
01:10:14Do you hear me, soldier?
01:10:16One, two, three.
01:10:29Narzinski!
01:10:32Yes, sir.
01:10:33There are two men and me over by the wall.
01:10:34Do you see them?
01:10:38Got them.
01:10:39Okay, Wally.
01:10:40You're my best man.
01:10:41Now, here's the plan.
01:10:42You go over there and fuck them.
01:10:44We'll stay here and masturbate.
01:10:45Yes, sir.
01:10:46Go!
01:10:49Now, there goes a man.
01:11:11Chris!
01:11:12Chris!
01:11:13Chris!
01:11:14I thought you said the drug was ready.
01:11:17I'm confused.
01:11:18I thought you said the drug was ready.
01:11:21Chris!
01:11:22You said the drug was ready.
01:11:26Oh, Dr. Cooper, thank you for your marvelous coma!
01:11:31Coma!
01:11:32Coma!
01:11:33Coma!
01:11:34Coma!
01:11:35Coma!
01:11:35Chris!
01:11:36Ne vous allez pas au media.
01:11:42Don't go to the media.
01:11:45I gotta go to the media!
01:11:53I'd like to thank the members of the media who did make it.
01:11:57College Radio.
01:12:01Weapons and Helmets Magazine.
01:12:04Of course, Girl Beat.
01:12:08Thank you all for coming.
01:12:10Who needs the networks anyway?
01:12:16Okay, then.
01:12:18Follow me.
01:12:21I'm gonna take you to where Rorator hides his terrible secret.
01:12:24A secret that I'm responsible for.
01:12:27I accept my part in this and ask you now to brace yourself as you bear witness to Rorator's
01:12:35the other way.
01:12:35Hideousness!
01:12:38Can you spare five minutes, Chris?
01:12:40No, Marv.
01:12:41I'm going to expose the comas.
01:12:44You know, I think I can help if you'll come with me.
01:12:48Okay, Marv.
01:12:50Fine.
01:12:51Let's go.
01:12:56I'm afraid it's the other way, Chris.
01:12:58All right, everyone.
01:12:59Stay together.
01:12:59Type unit.
01:13:00Type unit.
01:13:02Marv, I'm just glad that you and Don have finally come to your senses and realize that
01:13:05you can't...
01:13:11What is this?
01:13:12Oh, this is the real press conference, Chris.
01:13:15The real press conference?
01:13:16Hmm.
01:13:19There's food.
01:13:30Uh, ladies and everyone, we've been joined by Dr. Chris Cooper.
01:13:41And thanks to Dr. Cooper, we're pleased to announce that we're breaking ground on the
01:13:46first of ten new Rorator comatoriums.
01:13:57And now, I'd like to introduce you to our first lucky resident.
01:14:08There, there, there, old darling.
01:14:11It's Mrs. Herdick here.
01:14:13Well, what a wonderful visit we're having to Rorator's new comatorium, where my mother
01:14:18will be cared for, washed and read to.
01:14:21We envy her.
01:14:22Yes, we do.
01:14:23But we will settle for this cashier's check for $10,000, which families will receive if a
01:14:35lucky loved one goes to a better place.
01:14:38Their happiest memory.
01:14:43Wow, that's a lot of money.
01:14:45How pleasing.
01:14:54Wait!
01:14:58That's not what I admitted the drug for.
01:15:01I mean, does she look happy?
01:15:07Yes.
01:15:09Okay, granted, she looks happy.
01:15:12But people are supposed to be depressed sometimes.
01:15:17We invented the drug for, for people too depressed to get off the floor.
01:15:22Not because you, you missed your bus, or, or you don't look good in a yellow hat.
01:15:28That's just wrong.
01:15:30Tell him, Chris.
01:15:31Yes.
01:15:34I mean, without his pain and sadness, could Van Gogh have painted all that stuff?
01:15:44I know that's not an actual Van Gogh, but still my point is, you can't be happy all the time.
01:15:51That's life.
01:15:52Take it back.
01:16:08You know, those words hurt.
01:16:15but of course you must realize they come from a man who's gone mad with depression
01:16:20yeah unfortunately it seems to happen to some of our greatest geniuses
01:16:26people like Oppenheimer, Schweitzer, Boxcar Willie
01:16:32and that's why today we're especially sad to announce that Dr. Chris Cooper has in fact
01:16:37been found certifiably depressed
01:16:44what does that mean again Cisco legally he's got to take his own drug oh yeah right
01:16:54Marv please Chris we want you to try and remember that we're only doing this because we love you
01:17:03the pill is so damn safe Don why don't you take it
01:17:11yeah why don't you take it
01:17:15well you know I have absolutely no problem with that in fact I'm quite fond of the drug
01:17:20and if a demonstration is what is needed here so be it Marv yes Don take the drug
01:17:31of course Don
01:17:42is that cappuccino ever going to be ready or do I have to come in there and grind the beans
01:17:46with
01:17:47your head just warming it up Don what is taking you so long stop staring at me
01:18:00coming Don
01:18:10well there you have it I've done my part we've taken the drug and now it's your turn Dr. Cooper
01:18:30oh come on Chris oh
01:18:34oh
01:18:40oh
01:18:42oh
01:18:51oh
01:18:52oh
01:18:52oh
01:18:52oh
01:18:52oh
01:18:52oh
01:18:52oh
01:18:52oh
01:18:59oh
01:19:01oh
01:19:01oh
01:19:01oh
01:19:06oh
01:19:06oh
01:19:06oh
01:19:06oh
01:19:06oh
01:19:12Oh, dear.
01:19:22You know, it's the little things in life that make it worthwhile.
01:19:35Good coffee, Marv.
01:19:44Slipped off my shoes.
01:20:06Good coffee, Marv.
01:20:06Good coffee, Marv.
01:20:08Good coffee, Marv.
01:20:15They listened to Dr. Cooper and stopped taking the drugs.
01:20:19No, they did not, goddammit.
01:20:23Today, they even have parades to celebrate the commas.
01:20:26And they drag out the poor bastards like they're fucking astronauts.
01:20:32I don't like the world now.
01:20:34I mean, before, I always knew I was a son of a bitch.
01:20:39But now, I'm the only son of a bitch I know.
01:20:42Hey, make with our real human being.
01:20:45Get out of the way, ya...
01:20:58As for Dr. Cooper...
01:21:00Well, some people say that he joined a kiss cover band and he rocks three nights a week in some
01:21:07chicken wings bar.
01:21:09But still, others say, and I hope this is true, that he is out there, somewhere, working on a cure
01:21:17for all this stupid happiness.
01:21:20All right, everyone. Easy. Easy.
01:21:27Alice, wait.
01:21:30I just want to say that we've worked very hard.
01:21:33Under some difficult circumstances.
01:21:37And I'm very confident that this new drug will unlock her unhappiest memory.
01:21:43Yeah, but Chris, that's what you said about the drug we tested on Baxter.
01:21:58Okay, then. Let's get at it.
01:22:01Open wide, Mr. DeCure.
01:22:05That's a good girl.
01:22:16Mrs. DeCure, how do you feel?
01:22:24Chad!
01:22:26She's depressed!
01:22:27Yes!
01:22:28Yes!
01:22:28She's sad!
01:22:29Yes!
01:22:30She's sad!
01:22:31Yes!
01:22:32Yes!
01:22:32Yes!
01:22:32Yes!
01:22:33Yes!
01:22:36Baxter, we did it.
01:22:38We did it, yeah.
01:22:41Oh!
01:22:42Baxter, Baxter.
01:22:44back no no no no no no no no no Alice we just depressed one old lady we got a
01:23:01whole world to bum out it can wait
01:23:26I got a surprise for you now keep your eyes closed don't peek okay okay open your eyes
01:23:35surprise happy birthday Miguel you look adorable let me get a picture of you boy oh boy this will be
01:23:49grand Miguel Miguel Miguel oh oh no so what does this whole story mean the only
01:24:05way to be happy is to know you won't be happy every single day it sounds better in the original
01:24:17Croatia as for the kid he turned out okay he came down in a field a couple of days later
01:24:24and
01:24:25ironically grew up to be an airline pilot so there you go you have your happy ending now get out
01:24:34because nowhere on your ticket does it say that you can sleep here
01:24:45don't ask the question
01:24:47don't ask the question if you want to hear a lie
01:24:51what kind of answer
01:24:55what kind of answer
01:25:02isn't what you're looking for
01:25:05but it's hard when you feel
01:25:09and it's easy not to see
01:25:21you can't forget that you are running out of time
01:25:27you can't forget that you are running out of time
01:25:28what kind of reason will you think you will find
01:25:35happiness
01:25:38isn't what you're looking for
01:25:42but it's hard when you feel
01:25:45and it's easy not to see
01:26:13but it's hard when you feel
01:26:19All the other rogues and darlings
01:26:24Get sent to the farm
01:26:28I don't need to deceive you
01:26:33Cause I feel no pain
01:26:40Maybe I should let you
01:26:44Come on and eat my brain
01:26:49Yeah, yeah, yeah
01:26:51There's an art to perception
01:26:56So see it as you will
01:27:02Can you adjust my reception
01:27:05Or just give me the latest pill
01:27:10Yeah, yeah, yeah
01:27:14Oh, oh, oh, oh
01:27:42Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
01:27:56Mother heard a cure.
01:27:58Hey.
01:27:59Oh, gee.
01:28:02Where's Miguel?
01:28:03I thought he was with you.
01:28:07Well, he's missed the clown.
01:28:13I thought he was with you.
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