- 3 minutes ago
In her first interview since being released from prison, former ‘Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’ star Jen Shah is breaking her silence, reflecting on her role in the fraud scheme that sent her behind bars.
Category
✨
PeopleTranscript
00:00i don't know you hear all these things right where oh it's a camp it's a federal camp it's
00:04camp cupcake it's not it's it's prison and i guess i was i didn't know what to expect
00:11physically right and seeing it for the first time but when i walked in there it took my breath away
00:20and i just thought this cannot be where i'm gonna be
00:26like this is where i'm gonna be every day
00:35i understand that people have their opinion and their feelings because they are basing it off of
00:41what they saw in the media they're basing it off of of the headlines but what i would hope is
00:47that
00:48they would give me the grace to at least hear me and to understand that you know i'm more than
00:55just
00:55the headline i'm more you know to recognize that i am a mother i'm a wife that there's so i'm
01:03a whole
01:03person i'm so much more than just the one side that they saw out there everybody makes mistakes
01:09and i think it's about you know how do you come back from that how do you use that and
01:15you know how
01:16do you um accept responsibility and take the accountability and move forward
01:34it's one of the reasons that i fought for my innocence because the the time frame that was
01:39listed in the noted in the indictment in 2012 i wasn't running any companies in 2012 for quite a
01:47uh a long time until you know recently before the indictment i was working for for uh different
01:55corporations right i was um worked in marketing and so that was um a little bit confusing for me uh
02:03when
02:03that happened because i didn't understand why uh i i wasn't running anything at that point i was
02:08literally an employee at uh at a company but um i worked in the industry you know i worked in
02:16the
02:16industry in total so i think how does one get there or how does that come about i think um
02:21it's just a
02:22matter of who who i worked with the companies i worked with and um doing you know direct response
02:31marketing and um it's such a you know you thought you think you're doing the right thing i thought
02:40i was doing the right thing for you know uh the majority of the time and also under the direction
02:47of other people that were running the companies and um honestly you get there if you're not careful
02:55you get there if you are not being diligent in your business dealings you get there if you're not
03:00paying attention to the red flags you know that's how you get there and it can happen um without
03:06your intention for it to happen but you have a responsibility you know once you are in that
03:11business position to make sure that you're being diligent and i mean the the fact of the matter is in
03:172012 i was a w-2 employee for for a fulfillment company um i worked for multiple fulfillment companies
03:24in the valley so that there was i literally was not the kingpin you know and and that's where you
03:31know some of this uh that's why i really felt and fought for my innocence because i truly believed in
03:38my innocence um because at that time when the indictment came out i was like wait what are they
03:45talking about and we we were waiting for supporting documentation the accusations were in the indictment but
03:52you have to go through the legal process to find out you know your attorneys are trying to find out
03:57from the prosecution the government what are the what are the facts or what is the evidence what is
04:02the documentation that you have to back up these claims seeing reefy or omar graduating do you know
04:12scared i am i made the decision to accept a guilty plea and i take full responsibility for
04:18everything that comes with making that decision to to accept a guilty plea my charge is for conspiracy
04:25and so under the law what does the government need to prove to find me guilty under conspiracy
04:31that's when my attorneys are are educating me on okay these are the these are the jury instructions
04:37in order for them to find you guilty under conspiracy there does not need to be an overt action
04:43to be found guilty under conspiracy there just needs to be enough text messages emails communication to
04:53show that you conspired with with others with somebody like with my co-defendant and it was also the
05:00very first time that i actually saw that there were actual victims in as a result of this conspiracy
05:08like that was the first time i had ever seen anything you know with my own eyes at that point
05:15that's when i had to realize what are the risks now now this is real now i'm seeing these things
05:21in
05:21front of me there is a risk you know because the burden of proof that the government has to
05:27prove to find me guilty it's a little bit different now now that i'm seeing the information and now that
05:32we
05:32finally saw what what the documentation looked like and i saw that there were people hurt and
05:38really looking at it what was the risk now for me to go to trial because it just takes one
05:44person right
05:45one person on the jury to maybe not agree or to say you know what i don't know i think
05:50she was able to
05:51explain the context of all of these emails or text messages but i don't know maybe she she was so
05:57close with
05:58this person maybe it just takes one person to to think that and i really thought well just the truth
06:04is going to prevail and they said it's it's not about the truth at trial jen it's about the story
06:09that is told and what story is the jury going to believe and that was like the hardest hardest
06:14decision that i ever made because at that point i was like do i continue to do do i drag
06:21my family
06:22through this and go to trial and perhaps still lose and then what i get the maximum and not only
06:29that
06:30but now i've destroyed their credit their their lives right i mean putting you know my family was
06:38going to get on the stand and speak on my behalf and and you know do i put them through
06:43all of that
06:43heartache and and through their names getting dragged through the mud right just because i'm
06:49want to prove my innocence so badly and that's when i looked at it and i said i can't do
06:54that
06:55i can't do that i have to um it wasn't worth it for me anymore at that point um because
07:01i could not
07:04i couldn't barter or risk or gamble with my family and knowing that when i saw the documentation that i
07:12did
07:12have responsibility because under the conspiracy law and seeing that i had responsibility i should
07:18have i should have done more i should have been more diligent you know there was some red flags with
07:24my co-defendant i should have dug in more when things didn't sound right and so at that point
07:30that's when i said you know what i have to be accountable and it was hard for me but i
07:35thought
07:35this is on me this is not on my family this is not on you know my husband and my
07:41children to go through
07:42this um and so that's when i just said i have to take responsibility for my part at what point
07:49do
07:49you let your ego go so that you can do what's right so that you can take care of the
07:54people in your in
07:55your life that you should and that's when it wasn't important to prove a point anymore it was important to
08:01take accountability and say you know i had a part i chose to do business with with
08:08with my co-defendant i chose to do business and um it wasn't about anymore you know just trying to
08:16trying to prove i'm innocent it was i couldn't risk my family dragging them through that i could have
08:21still gone you know my husband he was there with me and i
08:29i couldn't imagine being away from him or that this was happening because i had fought the whole time
08:35thinking that truly believing that i was innocent i i can take i'll take whatever but to have it affect
08:43my husband and my sons is killing me what i would say to somebody that lost money because of this
08:49is
08:50that i'm sorry for any part that i had and i'm sorry that i didn't do more due diligence i'm
08:57sorry that
08:57i didn't do more that could have possibly curtailed some of the you know victims that you know from
09:07from happening in the first place i'd like to say that i'm i'm sorry and i'm here and accepting
09:13responsibility and have made you know made it you know my mission as part of like my consequences and
09:22my responsibilities to make sure that people are paid back through the restitution and i hope that
09:27everybody else that had a part in this does the same thing because these people deserve to be made
09:33whole you served your sentence at the federal prison camp in brian texas beginning on february 17th 2023
09:40what was your first night in prison like the first night
09:45you know when i i walked in and uh they showed me to my room to my cell um and
09:54i had two other
09:54roommates pebbles and and myra we called her giggles and uh i walked in and uh you know they were
10:04everyone knew i was coming right everyone so it was there was just so much like attention and and everyone
10:10was you know yelling stuff and saying stuff and and there was just it was just a lot because they
10:17were already they already knew i was coming so they were like waiting for me to to surrender that day
10:21and um so when you surrender you you don't have access to to use the phone or anything because
10:26um they have to like um set everything up and so you don't have a pack number yet to call
10:34right
10:34and um that first night i just i was on a top bunk and i faced the cement wall and
10:40i just cried silently i just tears just
10:48tears just because i just streamed down my face and um i just i didn't know how i was gonna
10:55do this
10:59because i was high profile they they did a lot of extra things um that didn't were unnecessary you
11:07know to me um and that was one of the things was you know i had uh i was required
11:14to have carry a pink
11:16card it was like i felt like it was like the the scarlet letter letting everybody know who i am
11:21and i had
11:22to carry it around and check in with officers every two hours and it was just it having officers come
11:28in and scream and yell and shock it up and i'm like i go from being at home to my
11:33loving home and
11:34then the next morning i'm being screamed at and woken up and so abruptly that it startled me you know
11:40and i fell out of the bunk bed and everyone knew you you said are they asking you questions about
11:46the show listen listen it it was like a bravo con meet and greet okay when i got there it's
11:54uh
11:55literally and i didn't know that there were so many fans there i mean i had people coming up to
12:03me
12:03saying hi i'm the i'm the president of the uh salt lake city um fan club out of louisiana i
12:12mean just
12:13crazy stuff right so you you had people that you know i mean yes uh everybody knew there and there
12:19was um everybody had questions it also brought a lot of um it brought a lot of attention to me
12:25that
12:25you know we're in prison you probably don't want to have that attention because you have a lot of people
12:30that look at you um and treat you negatively just because you're from a different background that they
12:38think that that than they are right um and so it was difficult in in the beginning especially when i
12:45first got there they had they had removed bravo from all the tvs when i first got there because it
12:50was just so crazy and it was drawing a lot of attention but then after a few months they put
12:58it all
12:59they put bravo back on all the tvs and it was just mayhem from them from then on i mean
13:05to the point where
13:07they had to move me units they had to move me from my unit into another unit because of all
13:12of the
13:12like harassment and everything that was going on and you know i've likened it to this if you can
13:19imagine you know being on social media and you know when you're getting a lot of hate or you're
13:25getting a lot of love or whatever it is if you're on social media you know how that how that
13:30can be and
13:30very um it can affect your mental health well this was like that but in person so you have all
13:37these
13:37people making their comments and coming up to you and you're trying to navigate being in prison right
13:43so you can't really you have to coexist with these people right i can't just leave or turn it off
13:49and
13:49so um it was it was really hard it was you know because there was a lot of people that
13:55didn't realize
13:57and separate the show from reality and the fact that i'm here just like you are wearing the same
14:03khakis just like you are with the same 360 a month just like you do that's all we get for
14:10commissary
14:11we are we are the same
14:19i had to figure out how to do my skincare while i was there right so hemorrhoid pads because hemorrhoid
14:23pads listen it's a hemorrhoid pads are i had a lot of people that were after my skincare routine there
14:30and hemorrhoid pads and then the laundry soap were that was the winning combo first for looking young
14:37over there at least that was mine but a lot of a lot of women adopted it it was um
14:41hemorrhoid pads
14:42have witch hazel in it and so that was like really the only thing that i found i could use
14:46for like
14:46an astringent on your face so yeah anything in fact coach would you know i'd talk to him and he'd
14:53be
14:53like you need to buy food this week you need to buy some food please do not buy don't buy
14:59any more
15:00hair spray and i don't know what it was but i got so worried that like oh my gosh they're
15:05gonna run
15:06out of hairspray at commissary so i must stock up so i had backs back stock of hairspray i was
15:11like
15:12the beauty the health and beauty i was like the ulta at prison while i was there um i i
15:19got certified
15:20my nutrition tech certification and then i got certified as a personal trainer so you know i was
15:27looking for something because they didn't have educational courses they did away with the um
15:32higher learning courses there and so i would ask my husband i said i need to take some correspondence
15:38courses to stay busy so through my husband you know he found um a company that uh we could do
15:44correspondence courses through and so i i was sort of got certified as a personal trainer and um so i
15:50taught a bunch of classes um and and then i started working for recreation like the last maybe 16 months
15:57that i was there um i had quite a few jobs while i was there but um i started i
16:02worked at recreation
16:03and until i left and that's when i you know um implemented a lot of more classes so we had
16:10monthly
16:11schedules i would put together all the workout classes and then i started helping women like with
16:16their their diets to put together you know what they could eat to try to stay healthy because it's very
16:22very hard there to eat healthy and to you know a lot of the women had high blood pressure or
16:28were
16:28overweight and so they would ask you know hey what what can i what do you recommend so i would
16:32help
16:33them put together you know a diet plan based on what they could buy a commissary and then also what
16:39you could eat and you know what you could try to eat that was the most healthy in in the
16:44chow hall
16:44the food listen beans rice bread potatoes it's like all starches um there were a few days that
16:54were were coveted like chicken on the bone thursday like that was that was my favorite day chicken on
16:59the bone day um i know coach asked me why do you call it chicken on the bone i'm like
17:03isn't that that's
17:04not what it's called in the free world i thought that's what it's called it's like popeyes but in
17:10prison it was chicken on the bone and that was on thursday um you got so any of the times
17:16that i
17:17could go get like protein like you wanted to those days were coveted you know so um but it's a
17:23lot of
17:23carbs i mean that's just that's what they're feeding the inmates you know it's it's a lot of carbs um
17:29rice
17:30potatoes bread it's crazy you'll have bread rice and potatoes on your on your tray it's like nobody needs
17:38you know all starches on on their on their tray of food but um at commissary you could supplement and
17:44get you know things at commissary so i tried i would buy just tuna and nuts um we had some
17:52dry seaweed
17:54um they ended up having like a commissary council and so i was able to get on that so i
17:58could try to
17:59like influence some healthy options you know for a little while but um really it was like salmon
18:07tuna and nuts um that's what i would you know buy at commissary as far as food to just to
18:13try to
18:13you know get the protein in that i could i formed close relationships with with you know some some of
18:18the ladies there um it's it's interesting because there's you meet these women there and um there's a
18:26lot you and you hear their stories right and some of the programs that i signed up for that i
18:31went through
18:32there you get to know these women intimately and and their stories and what they've been through and
18:38hearing their stories is one of the things that you know seeing their resilience it's something that
18:44made me just um reach another level of humility and and gratitude than before because a lot of these
18:51women you know they have gone through a lot you know i thought that this was the end of the
18:57world for
18:57me when i went there and you know i can't believe i was going through this and then when i
19:02got there and
19:03i heard these other women and their stories that they've been through and um it just gave me another
19:09level of of gratitude that you know that i was very blessed you know even though i was going through
19:15through this and i was away from my family just um hearing their stories and and realizing that a lot
19:20of
19:21them had gone through such um generational trauma and and drug addiction and things that really were
19:28out of their control and just hearing their stories but hearing their resilience and um you know so you
19:34get really close to a lot of these women and i did make i did make some close friends there
19:39lizzie and i
19:40are are good friends um when you come through i guess as a high profile too there are just certain
19:48things
19:48where you both are dealing with right and so you um naturally kind of come together in those in those
19:56instances and um also you know we both got assigned to poop duty together so i feel like when you
20:03do poop
20:03duty with someone like you're going to be close so we we lived in the same unit the the last
20:10maybe
20:1310 months or so when i was there we were in the same in the same unit and uh you
20:18are assigned to
20:18different bathrooms we were assigned to the same bathroom well if your bathroom if someone in your
20:23bathroom does not like clean it or something like that you get a strike if your bathroom gets three
20:29strikes you have to do poop duty so listen we would try to we would try to make sure that
20:35like hey
20:37we're not doing poop duty and i almost made it through my time without having to do it and sure
20:42enough sure enough we got hit our bathroom got hit so you have to sign up for poop duty you
20:47have to go
20:47sit in the bathroom pull a metal chair in there and sit in the bathroom for an hour and watch
20:53everybody
20:53come in and use the bathroom and then when they use the bathroom you have to get up go inspect
20:58the
20:58bathroom either clean it if they don't clean it or let them know to come and clean it and but
21:02you're
21:03literally sitting there in in the bathroom so if you can imagine you know the smells and and
21:09everything going on for poop duty and if you get more strikes you you keep doing hours of poop duty
21:13we were both very busy during the day right um we kept ourselves busy and in the evening um
21:21we would go take a walk um take a walk around the track and that's when we would have just
21:27you know
21:27our time to like to just talk and you know talk about how much we miss our family and
21:33talk about you know things that were going on important things that were going on in prison
21:37um you know different legislature that was like the first step act and how you know certain um
21:46challenges of it not being implemented and what remedies needed to be taken place right to to try to
21:52help help get these things you know implemented at the institution level you know your hands are really
21:58tied there right you have there's not much you can do as an inmate but i felt like you know
22:05lizzie and i felt like you know we could make a difference and um advocate you know for so we
22:11would
22:11talk about a lot of stuff like that like you know plans after you know um when we were both
22:17you know
22:17gonna get home she would ask me what do you think like it's gonna be when you walk in the
22:23house
22:24and what is your first like can you imagine that like can you put yourself in there do you see
22:30yourself walking in the house and and you know it would be a lot of those kind of deep conversations
22:35and um there's a lot of heartache there too in prison so it was just you know
22:42being that sounding board for each other when you could just be like hey
22:47i need to i need to just can we go walk and and and cry i just need to cry
22:52i've had a
22:53day and just knowing that you had somebody there that you know kind of you know understood you we
22:57would talk a lot about you know different books um i i got her to go to i told her
23:02i said i you need
23:03to um i'm hosting a line dancing class and i need you to sign up and she was like oh
23:09really i said you
23:10need you need to sign up so i got her to come to line dancing class i was captain of
23:14the dance and step
23:15team um there uh i know probably people are like wait you had a dance and step team in prison
23:22yeah
23:22we did and but that's where she drew the line she was like no i'm not i'm good i think
23:27i'm better off
23:27you know my talents are better utilized elsewhere another high profile prisoner uh was ghislaine maxwell
23:34did you have any interactions with her um i had i i had interactions with her limited interactions um
23:41with her she i mean i worked at recreation right um and so she would come in and and work
23:48at recreation
23:49or i mean work to work out um but her experience there is uh it's very different from anyone else's
23:57even elizabeth and and i um she is treated very differently there and um you know i didn't have a
24:05lot of
24:05interaction with her um it was just uh on a very you know she would come over and talk to
24:11us and or
24:11i would see her if she would you know come by recreation but um and honestly i chose i chose
24:18that
24:18i chose to have very limited interaction with her she made it very publicly known well at least to you
24:26elizabeth and i that there's no remorse there and again i obviously don't know all the details of of
24:34the case or whatever but i mean we know enough it was a lot when the victims would be on
24:39tv and talking
24:40she was just complete disregard for them you know and this is when they are pouring their hearts out
24:45in front of congress and for this files to be released and stuff and so to see that kind of
24:50behavior
24:51when there are real victims that we're you're seeing and what they've gone through and to be
24:56so dismissive of that that that just didn't sit with me the right way thank you thank you excuse me
25:01how you doing how you doing i made the decision when i accepted the guilty plea and when i knew
25:09i
25:09was going to go away from my family that i would make the most of every single day and every
25:13single
25:13moment that i was away from my family to be a better person and to take advantage of anything i
25:19could
25:19afford to be better to do better to get to know myself better to um really take a take a
25:26hard look
25:27at myself and you know um go through these treatment programs that a lot of people don't want to go
25:33through it's like prison's hard enough but why make it harder well that's basically what i did i was
25:37like yep sign me up let me make it as hard as possible but it's because i wanted to do
25:41the the hard work
25:43there was a lot of things that um i needed to heal from grief and loss from my dad you
25:49know he passed
25:50away and and i avoided that i avoided it by drinking and then the drinking led to other things which
25:58you
25:58know was at the time when all of this indictment and everything happened so there was a ripple effect
26:03from that you know from me not addressing trauma that i was going through for me not addressing
26:10the grief and loss and not respecting it and running from it and hiding it you know masking
26:16it with with drinking alcohol and then the ripple effect from that was me not being present right
26:22being present in my business or being present you know for my family and so you know i i dug
26:27into all
26:28of those things really really deep and they were it wasn't easy it wasn't easy um but i felt like
26:35i needed
26:35to do it because i wanted to be the best version of myself when i came home from my family
26:40like i
26:40promised my husband and my my kids you know mommy's gonna make the most of this time that i'm away
26:45from
26:45you to be better for you when i come home when you don't have your family physically there it's it's
26:50god is who's there i can't even put into words what it means to me because there are no words
26:56that can
26:57fully describe how much it means to me and how
27:05grateful i am and how blessed i am to have such a beautiful husband and children that has stood by
27:11me
27:12and you know sometimes through what we think is the worst thing ever god makes something beautiful out of
27:22it and my family has come closer together through all of this our marriage is stronger than it's ever
27:29been and my children and i and our family unit as a whole is just closer than we've ever been
27:36because
27:36they supported me they you know coach has a saying he says you know what we're gonna we're gonna love
27:43each other through it so no matter what obstacle we're facing no matter what we're dealing with
27:50i'm just gonna love you through it and we're gonna love each other through it and that's kind of been
27:54our family's mantra is we're gonna love we're gonna love each other through it and um my husband is uh
28:00he's one of a kind he's been my rock and he still is and always will be and um you
28:09know when most people
28:10will run away most people would have left most people that i was incarcerated with very few of them
28:16do they have their family still intact do is their husband there supporting them but i had that and
28:22so i'm just that's one of the things i'm so grateful and so blessed um you know that my husband
28:30and my
28:30children were there for me um i don't i wouldn't have made it i would have had my faith but
28:36um i just i
28:39i couldn't have made it without my family when i was away i asked my husband and my children to
28:43send
28:43me to send me impact letters because i needed to know i needed to know how i heard them i
28:51needed
28:51them to be honest with me and tell me everything because that's the only way mommy could get better
28:56and i needed to hear it because i know they were so hurt i needed to hear how i felt
29:02when that when
29:04the raid happened you know i didn't want to hear these things but i knew i had to i needed
29:10that i
29:10needed to hear that raw feedback jen shaw the disgraced former real housewife of salt lake city
29:17smiling and walking out of a federal prison in texas overnight a free woman when i finally walked out of
29:26walked out of brian into my family's arms into coach and my boys they were all three there we
29:35just hugged each up and cried because i was they were coming to pick me up and take me home
29:44not come and visit and have to come back like they were coming to pick me up and take me
29:48home
29:51it was so crazy i'm like this is what the free world looks like i'm like it's like i forgot
29:56what
29:56it's like to be on the street or to look at things i'm like oh my gosh what is this
30:01what is that right
30:04when i got released though we uh the first thing i wanted to do was just change my clothes just
30:10get
30:10into like some actual clothes i remember putting on coach had brought me some pajamas and it felt so
30:15good to just feel like actual pajamas and get out of the the clothes that i'd been wearing for three
30:22years um and then to just to lay in a bed oh my goodness i remember just laying in the
30:30bed i just
30:30wanted to lay there and then just sitting there you know i didn't want to let go of omar and
30:36rafi i was
30:36just holding them and just sitting them next to them right and just i couldn't believe that i was just
30:43actually like out that i wasn't there anymore and that they were picking me up and taking me home
30:52and i think for them too they were like is this real are we really going to take you home
30:56mommy or is
30:57somebody going to say that you have to go back or is the date changing because it kept changing like
31:04and so you know i know my my son omar was like man you know he told my husband he
31:08was like
31:08is mommy really coming home this time i'll believe it when mommy's actually home because it it changes
31:14all the time right and so um you learn to like not get your hopes up when you're in there
31:20and um but
31:22when i finally was with them i said omar mommy's really going home you guys are taking me home i
31:29find
31:29myself apologizing or feeling the guilt of not being there at graduation or not being there for prom
31:37you know and then i try to make up for it by you know
31:44telling omar that you know i guess i'm trying to get too involved in his his life like well you
31:49know
31:49what we can have our own prom do are you dating anybody and he's like no let's no mom it's
31:53that
31:54ship has sailed we're not doing a promposal because you missed out on it
32:01i'm on home confinement and um until august or possibly a little bit you know before that
32:07um but uh so how it works is you know you you can still you still get to like go
32:15out you have to you
32:16get it approved um you can request you know um to go out for employment reasons for work religious um
32:24you know whatever you you need to do based on like your um security level i guess so to speak
32:32some people you know you have you have to earn certain levels right and so if you're doing well
32:36and you're low risk then obviously you get more you know um uh options to be able to or um
32:43freedom
32:44right to be able to go to go out but everything's still approved you know you're the person that um
32:50that is that i deal with you know um they they approve all of your everything that you do so
32:56i wear
32:56an ankle monitor um all the time and it basically monitors when you uh when you leave your residence
33:05and come back so if if it's not approved for you to leave they'll be notified so everything is
33:10requested and approved for you to for you to leave i've been home for 90 days now and um i
33:17would be
33:18lying if i said that there i didn't feel like maybe there was a stigma with it
33:22you know i never thought i would be wearing an ankle monitor that's for sure um you know and i
33:27know
33:27people have like made you know embraced it and there's been some celebrities that like bedazzle
33:33it or do all these things to it and i just thought you know i don't want to i basically
33:38just look at it
33:39as it's just what i have to do right now you know and and i find gratitude in it because
33:46it means i'm home
33:47i'm different now um i'm much more mindful mindful of everything i have mindful and and great grateful
33:58um i live and operate each day from a place of gratitude and where i didn't before and a level
34:05of humility that i didn't have before because unless you've gone through something i feel like
34:13if i didn't go through what i went through i wouldn't know what that felt like and so i've
34:18reached a level of humility that i operate from each and every day which you know is um helps me
34:26to be
34:26you know grateful and i'm different now um i've just i've done a lot of work a lot of work
34:33on myself
34:34over you know over the last three years and i manage my emotions a lot better i do a lot
34:41i've
34:41done a lot of work on that so i can manage my emotions and i you know it's funny because
34:44those
34:45that are around me that have been around me the last 90 days since i've been home they're like wow
34:50like you're still the same fun gen but like you're different there's a different calmness about you
34:56we're in situations before um i would have reacted you know um but now it's you know i am able
35:05to
35:06pause and process things a little bit differently and it's because you know it really comes down to
35:15what really matters in my life and some of these things that we get so worked up about
35:21they're outside influences right they're unnecessary external external influences and you know so now i
35:29really focus on you know what i can control people can make mistakes but we don't have to
35:36we don't have to stay stuck in those mistakes we can learn from those mistakes and move forward with
35:41integrity with intention with accountability and be better and i just i hope that you know people will
35:51will find it in their hearts to you know give people second chance to give me a second chance to
35:57you know have that mercy and grace and be able to move forward because i think there's there's so much
36:04that can be done and um so much that we can learn from i know that moving forward one of
36:11the things
36:11that um has helped me and get through the last three years is to be of service to others and
36:17so i really
36:18feel like i can learn from what i've gone through and from the mistakes and utilize it to make better
36:25choices to help other people so that those you know um they can avoid those things and just you know
36:31use it to
36:32make the world a better place wherever i can and however i can
Comments