00:00We will free our city from the scourge of barefoot people
00:06Who bring those little tree slack lines to the park
00:12We will make it illegal for app companies to take a picture of you holding dumplings
00:18At 1am while wearing your nastiest sweatpants
00:24And we will ban the New York Times from making every single recipe
00:31Beanie
00:34Crispy
00:36Creamy
00:38Crackly
00:39Or garlicky
00:43And then we will ban them from using the passive voice in their headlights
00:47Anyways
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