- 4 weeks ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00there's a spider on the butter what is it spider on the butter oh not stuck into it by its
00:07legs no
00:09you mean it's just walked across the budget i've dealt with it in a humane way mary by
00:13putting it into the plate drawer
00:20have you ever done it like that well i actually know what i have
00:23burp burp burp burp burp oh back and no no no i don't like that this guy's trying to tell
00:31me
00:31i'll treat my dinner a what what fetish i had no idea that was a thing remove my britches
00:37expose your loins i like that oh oh one night this is weird geez he's a mystery bugger didn't he
00:46this is why i don't date that is dicing with the devil oh no he suffers for his heart doesn't
00:52he
00:52clearly a bentley continental i think i'd rather call it a day nothing wouldn't you who's been
00:58arrested now and for what in the week we said a sad farewell to maths dating coach mel shilling
01:07we enjoyed lots of great telly famous faces were getting their hands dirty in the big white tent
01:14i'm gonna be honest with you i'm not really a pastry girl in that sense never made it
01:19it just seems like a lot of work so i was told once in domestic science at school if you're
01:24making
01:24pastry yeah i was told you should run your wrists under cold water and they cool your blood and then
01:31when you're rubbing in your hands are darling throw it in the magic mix
01:39more furry friends were finding their forever homes on channel four it is very very difficult but
01:45there's no alternative for us he needs someone that can just give him the love that we've given him
01:51and we will miss him madge jumps from the floor to the kitchen work tops and like get goes inside
01:59the airfryers
02:02she knows how to open the airfryer drawers and go inside is it extreme intelligence or is it
02:07extremely bad behavior i don't know do you know that i was i was cooking other week i was cooking
02:12a jacket
02:12potato in airfryer i hear this crash bang wallop come downstairs the airfryer drawers are open and my jacket
02:18potatoes are on the floor and there was something new giving us a fright on netflix
02:33that is something very bad about to happen
02:37what the fact that she's getting married something very bad is going to happen
02:44how do you say that about our wedding day that sounds mean i wish someone had told me before
02:59in blackpool me and pay you've had to start putting locks on the cupboards really the kids now they just
03:05help themselves to everything they're like locusts they just strip the cupboards
03:09pete and his little sister sophie page went out the other day and i had eva and jimmy right
03:15next thing eva just walks in the living room with a packet of wine gums going
03:21do you want the wine i'm like no you shouldn't be eating now you know what are you a 60
03:28year old
03:28man who's on a long drive who even eats wine gums
03:35that's a gateway for like a werether's original yeah yeah jimmy mini roll sucker for a mini roll
03:40like a moth to a flame yeah he had a three yesterday i went that is your third yeah he's
03:46like so
03:48on saturday night there were more bgt hopefuls doing their thing on itv one
03:56what's that day night we're eating carrots carrot and water signing it's a new way forward
04:02i wonder what talent we're going to unleash today who knows it could be anything can't it with beige
04:09bgt is just an old favorite how long has it been around at least 40 years
04:15longer at least good luck good luck good luck what are these seven silky white suited specimens
04:26doing our stage i'm gonna put a wager on the fact that i'll give it 15 seconds before someone's
04:32shirtless there'll be no tops on shortly what's the name of the group we are agua company we are salsa
04:37dancers salsa dancers that's not a talent though my grand and grand i used to go up with salsa every
04:44week
04:44dad you're into salsa aren't you no no the dip we hope we can bring our energy and our
04:52enjoyment to your your special judges oh don't worry i'm already enjoyed oh it's like a lineup of your
04:59exes that's so rude but actually you're right it is oh he's moving his chest oh my god i love
05:11a man
05:11who can dance salsa throw me around you'll never forget being thrown around by that man from the
05:16sheffield salsa society will you no i loved it
05:23oh they love it they love it these lads if they were shocking they'd eat themselves of course they won
05:37come on get a moss man christy the bloody dance act on a strip show man
05:47okay you all right yeah it's getting a bit raunchy oh yes i like cola god the quicker they get
05:54these chops off the better for you which one's your favorite i like him who keeps sticking his tongue
06:02out you can calm down no i know they're all your type they're not no no no no they're not
06:10only four
06:17off it's a different gainer salsa isn't it well stripper salsa as long as they don't take their
06:22trousers down i'll be quite happy to get through this obviously well waxed aren't they they are they're
06:33they're well manicured those boys i bet they're fun to go out for a night with i think we'd have
06:38a really
06:38good evening with them i'd probably leave about midnight and you would carry on i'd want you to
06:44leave much before midnight in sorry mum it's so cool what made you go onto the website and decide yeah
06:54i want that cardigan out of all of the cardigans on the website sarah her husband andre and their
07:01daughter shay well this is not going back i quite like it's one of my favorites now i don't think
07:06it can
07:07be sent back and nobody else is going to buy it i mean um how dare you how dare you
07:19question my taste
07:20on sunday night we were cooking under canvas again with the vips on channel four
07:28buh buh buh bake off oh thank god's sake you're so i love the program but you're obsessed with it
07:34i'm so blessed i find that even if i'm cooking something and i do actually follow instructions
07:40it's still either burned soggy or cold oh
07:47oh i'd love to get my lips around that
07:51okay so today the judges would love you to make eight delicious breakfast pastries
07:57Ooh, lovely.
07:59Hey, listen, I've seen on our credit card statement
08:01that you've been having a lot of almond croissants recently.
08:04I've now found a new one.
08:05Almond croissant with chocolate inside.
08:07OK, and you wonder why we're not losing weight.
08:10Your pastries need to have a delicious filling,
08:12which can be either savoury or sweet.
08:15Ooh, you could have a savoury filling.
08:16Oh, no, don't waste this opportunity on savoury.
08:19I've never had a croissant.
08:21Oh, yeah.
08:22No.
08:22Oh, they're nice.
08:23I thought croissants were for fucking posh people.
08:26Well, yeah, well, yeah.
08:27That now deals to me, and I've never had one.
08:29Despite failing to impress Paul last time he was in the tent...
08:33I tried really hard on that.
08:34That's the worst thing.
08:36John's once again going entirely plant-based.
08:39I've never had anything vegan, apart from an apple.
08:42Luckily, we've got no vegans in our family.
08:45Morning, John. Hello there.
08:46Ask what you're making today.
08:48Cheese twists.
08:50Oh, I like a cheese twist.
08:51Oh, I've got some of those at home, which Noli's made me.
08:55Mm, nice.
08:56Overastas, they got them.
08:58They're bloody gorgeous.
09:00Have you seen them with the bacon in as well?
09:02Mm.
09:03What cheese are you using?
09:04Vegan.
09:05What is vegan cheese?
09:06Probably cashew nuts or something.
09:08Do you know what?
09:09I've actually had vegan cheese, and it was bloody awful.
09:13Yeah.
09:13Smelled like a pair of your feet.
09:15How long have you been vegan?
09:16Well...
09:17Look at the disappointment.
09:18We were the third vegan, I think, seven years ago on the planet, and now there's loads
09:23of us.
09:23So you have to be nice to us now, because we're an army.
09:25I've tried a bit of corn.
09:28Corn scotch egg.
09:29I like them.
09:30Mum did a corn bolognese once, and it was bloody awful.
09:33But I think that's probably because it's mum's cooking, not necessarily the corn.
09:36If you're going to be vegan, just be vegan.
09:39Don't be ramming it down everybody's throat, trying to educate.
09:42Well, that's what you've got to do with vegan food, isn't it?
09:44Ramming it down people's throat, because it won't eat it willingly, will it?
09:46That absolutely stinks.
09:48What is it?
09:49It's bacon.
09:50Vegan bacon, also known as faken.
09:53Is it tofu?
09:55Tofu?
09:56No, I don't think so.
09:57Oh, I can twist.
09:59It looks all right now, doesn't it?
10:00It does, actually, John.
10:01It looks very good.
10:02Well, it smells over here, though.
10:03Why does it smell?
10:04Because something smells like damp.
10:06Damp?
10:07Oh, John, it's rooted.
10:09They've taken the mick out of him being a vegan.
10:13It'll be his bloody vegan...
10:15...twist.
10:16Have you been vegan all your life?
10:18No.
10:18All his stuff's falling out of his twists.
10:21Oh, my God.
10:23It's looking a bit funky in there.
10:24They look unreal.
10:25They look a mess.
10:27The cheese has come out.
10:28I wouldn't eat it.
10:29I'm not even vegan, I only did his piss Paul off.
10:31They look a bit pale.
10:32The problem is that there's no egg wash or even milk wash on the top of him.
10:36No.
10:36So they're lacking somewhat in colour.
10:38Can you get vegan eggs?
10:40Vegan eggs?
10:40How can you get vegan eggs?
10:42Well, how can you get vegan cheese and bacon?
10:45Because men make vegan cheese.
10:47You don't get chickens.
10:48Say, oh, can you lay a vegan egg?
10:51It's now time for the bakers' breakfast pastries to face the judgement of Paul and Cherry.
10:57Oh, they look nice.
10:58Is that a sausage roll?
10:59I don't know what the hell it is.
11:00I think I once paid 18 quid for that in Gales.
11:07Happy with them?
11:08Are you happy with them, Paul?
11:10Don't, don't, don't.
11:11Don't turn this around on me.
11:13Paul's fuming already.
11:15It just doesn't look very attractive.
11:16Yeah.
11:17Sometimes vegan food doesn't look attractive, though.
11:20You just have to eat it.
11:22Did it crunch?
11:25Interesting flavour.
11:26Interesting.
11:27What does that mean in reality?
11:28When somebody says interesting, they usually mean shit.
11:35I'm so sorry.
11:36Did you like it?
11:37I'm so sorry.
11:40Not what you want to be saying.
11:42I mean, I ate one, and now I feel physically sick.
11:46Don't get high off your own supply, John.
11:48I made that tartar tan the other day, didn't I?
11:51That was lovely.
11:52Yeah.
11:52Very rustic looking, but lovely.
11:55What do you mean rustic looking?
11:57Ah, you put the crust of your pastry,
12:00you pass out for that pigeon, didn't you?
12:02Yeah.
12:03Well, aye.
12:04Have you seen him since?
12:07What, are you trying to say I've killed the pigeon, you?
12:09I'm just saying, have you seen him since?
12:12Because he always used to be on the fence.
12:14I'm just saying, have you seen him since?
12:22In Hall.
12:22Do you know, last night, don't you, for tea,
12:24I said to Ray, what do you want for your tea, Ray?
12:26I said, oh, can we have fish cakes?
12:28We haven't had them for ages.
12:29She met them.
12:30So I met them.
12:31So I got the fish, and I met them.
12:33Best friends Jenny and Lee.
12:35Lee, at 11 o'clock, I could still smell the fish.
12:40I'd been round with disinfectant.
12:43It stunk the shelly out.
12:44I said to him this morning, we're not having any more.
12:46To be fair, I wasn't going to say a note today.
12:48Do I smell a fish?
12:50It's from them bleeding.
12:52Fish cakes.
12:53Oh, Lee, it was awful.
12:55I wasn't going to say a note, but I'm just glad you've said you've had fish cakes last night.
12:58Yeah, it stunk.
13:00On Saturday night, something big from across the pond had found its way onto Skye.
13:05Pedder's look.
13:06What?
13:07SNL.
13:08It's come from America.
13:09Wrote us a couple of American party coats.
13:11What we need is a laugh, Charles.
13:13Yeah.
13:14Not more gloom-mongering from people like you.
13:16We need cheering up.
13:17It's Saturday Night Live.
13:20Saturday Night Live.
13:22Oh, I hope it's good.
13:23Oh, I know.
13:24I hope it's good.
13:25And your host, Tina Fey.
13:31Yes.
13:32Don't know who you are, but yay.
13:35Tina Fey.
13:36Oh, Tina Fey.
13:37Yes.
13:38I know Tina Fey.
13:39My name is Tina Fey, here in the UK.
13:43Well, they all know her, don't they?
13:45She's like the queen of SNL.
13:47No one better to come and start this show.
13:49Tina Fey's not from the UK.
13:51Tina Fey, well, she's allowed.
13:53Not at all.
13:55Here in the UK, you might know me as the teacher from Mean Girls.
13:59I never watched that.
14:01No, no.
14:01She was the teacher of Mean Girls.
14:03Yes.
14:04So, why do a UK version of SNL?
14:07We were asking the same thing, Tina.
14:08Well, like so many large-scale American operations these days,
14:13no one really knows why.
14:15Ah, that's a joke, Mary.
14:17Do you get it?
14:18Yes.
14:19That's a knock at the wall.
14:20You see, they keep things political and current as well.
14:22OK.
14:23And I'm so excited for you to meet your cast.
14:26They are wonderful.
14:27I can't even begin to understand them when they speak.
14:33Because she's American and they're British.
14:35Yeah, all right, bastard.
14:36I'm just here as a long-time SNL employee to help out
14:41and to answer, like, any questions anyone might have of what to...
14:46Oh, hi!
14:46Yeah, Nicola Coughlin.
14:48Oh, hi!
14:48Oh, hi!
14:49She's from Derry Girls, this girl.
14:51She was also in Bridgerton.
14:52She's famous for Derry Girls.
14:53She's famous for Bridgerton.
14:55She's Bridgerton.
14:55I do.
14:56My question is, if this is SNL UK, then why are you the first host?
15:03Good question.
15:04How do I put this politely?
15:06None of you fuckers would do it?
15:09Well, I don't know.
15:10There would be plenty who do it.
15:12One of the lads of blue would be up there.
15:14You're fucking right.
15:14They were Duncan.
15:15He'd be all over this.
15:16Of course he was.
15:17We have time for one more.
15:20Oh, yes!
15:21Graham Norton!
15:23Oh!
15:24Oh!
15:25Oh!
15:26Where have they dragged Graham at?
15:28What the fuck has he gone?
15:29Let me help you.
15:32Let me help you.
15:35I have a gift for making American celebrities likable to a British audience.
15:42He does.
15:43He does.
15:44Hey, I hear you have a really funny story.
15:46About watching British television as a young child.
15:50Oh, well, yes, actually.
15:52Growing up, we thought that anything British was educational.
15:56So my parents showed us all British shows.
15:58And we used to watch Benny Hill as a family.
16:00What's Benny Hill?
16:02That.
16:05I think.
16:06What about Ab Fab?
16:07Oh, sweetie, darling.
16:08You're just a little shop girl, darling.
16:10Keeping up appearances.
16:11Richard!
16:12Jesus.
16:13She's quick.
16:14Monty Python.
16:15That is an ex-product!
16:17I think we're a bit young for this.
16:19Yeah.
16:19I remember everyone, she said.
16:21Fawlty Towers!
16:22Nobody mention the war!
16:24Little Britain.
16:26Do you really want me to take that one?
16:29Are you being served?
16:29My pussy is like an alarm clock.
16:34She's actually quite funny, isn't she?
16:37I love that, Mrs. Slocum.
16:42Shhh.
16:43Yeah.
16:43Oh, that's all you love!
16:45That's all yours now, Tina.
16:47All yours.
16:48We've got a great show.
16:49Wet Leg is here.
16:50Stick you out and watch this!
16:52CHEERING
16:55Wow.
16:56It's a long intro, isn't it?
16:57It's a long intro, isn't it?
16:58Ha-ha!
16:59Do you know what?
16:59I'm going to be honest.
17:00I thought it was going to be shite, but it's actually spot on.
17:03Brilliant, isn't it?
17:04Yeah.
17:05Should we have laughed, like?
17:07What?
17:08Should we have laughed?
17:12I don't think it's mandatory, but I think that's the essence of the show.
17:16Oh, right.
17:20In Wiltshire...
17:21Oh.
17:22Right.
17:23Oh.
17:26That's repulsive.
17:27Oh, what's that terrible noise?
17:28This is the worst one.
17:29Oh!
17:30What's that terrible noise, Mary?
17:32Are you having a...
17:32I'm showing your horrible anorak style.
17:34Oh, Mary.
17:35Giles and his wife, Mary.
17:37What on earth have you left anoraks upstairs for?
17:42Mary, there's no reason to disrespect the anoraks.
17:44I'm just...
17:45Will you please hang them up on the door instead of leaving them?
17:49What were they doing up there, Mary?
17:51Will you go up absentmindedly taking them off?
17:53Because I like them as a statement of identity.
17:56Sorry, Nutter, you mustn't bring them upstairs to the bedrooms.
17:59There's my camouflage anorak.
18:00I haven't seen that for ages.
18:02That makes me virtually invisible.
18:04On Friday, it was troubling news close to home hitting the headlines on the BBC.
18:10Oh, very nice.
18:13Sandwiches.
18:14Corned beef.
18:15Oh, I love corned beef.
18:16I've cut all the crusts off.
18:18Oh, thank you.
18:20Have you got any piccoli?
18:21I'm sweating my tits off.
18:23What, for cutting the crust off?
18:29Bloody hell.
18:30Cookie!
18:31You may have noticed, if you've started buying Easter eggs this year, that you're paying more for less.
18:37Finally, and you don't have an opinion about...
18:39We never got Easter eggs at Christmas.
18:42Well, you won't get Easter eggs at Christmas, would you, Lee?
18:45We never neither.
18:47According to the Consumer Group, which the traditional chocolate treats are being hit by shrinkflation with prices going up, while
18:54products definitely seem to be getting smaller.
18:56Oh, yeah, you can't get a thick egg anymore.
18:59Do you know, loads of people are talking about this round the park.
19:02Are they?
19:03Yeah.
19:03We was chatting about it only yesterday.
19:06It's true.
19:07I thought I'd been going mad over the last few years.
19:10I thought, is it just that my hands are grown up size now, or have Easter eggs got smaller?
19:16The Consumer Group, which, has been taking a look at Easter eggs.
19:19Across a number of the big supermarkets, it found that with some chocolate eggs, we are paying more for less.
19:25Jesus would fucking close the cave door if you heard this shit.
19:28I mean, it's just as well we've got witch, really, isn't it?
19:33Because if we didn't have witch, we wouldn't know all this.
19:37Take, for example, the extra large galaxy egg.
19:40It would have set you back around £5 last year for about 250 grams of chocolate.
19:4540 grams down and a pound up.
19:47That's what I'm seeing there.
19:48Disgusting.
19:49Oh, my God.
19:50That's scum, that is.
19:51That's a different level of scum.
19:53This year, it's nearly a pound more for a lighter version.
19:57We're getting hit in every angle.
19:58You know, even the Easter bunnies wearing a masculine stride jumper there.
20:01Yeah.
20:02Disgusting.
20:03And with the Cadbury mini eggs milk chocolate egg, again, it's price up, but weight down.
20:08Not the mini eggs.
20:09I know, I know.
20:10Mini eggs are already mini.
20:12Exactly.
20:13They're like mini mini now.
20:15Yeah.
20:15Mini mini mini eggs.
20:17The inflation on chocolate is considerably higher than other grocery items, and consumers are noticing that.
20:24You'd want to go out with Lisa, who's a consumer expert, around the shop, wouldn't you?
20:29Should be like, put that down.
20:31I don't know.
20:31Don't have to.
20:57Don't have to.
21:12I don't know.
21:17But I don't know.
21:25I don't know.
21:29from a penguin to a p-p-p-pistake.
21:32It's not only big brands affected by this,
21:34small independent businesses are too.
21:37Other people have alcohol and cigarettes.
21:39I do feel I want 400 calories of chocolate per day
21:43because life's unmanageable without it.
21:46So I treated myself to a bag of mini eggs.
21:48Jesus Christ, I'm still paying them off.
21:50Yeah. Can you take Klarna for this Easter egg, please?
21:54Can I Klarna these in mini eggs, please?
22:04In North London...
22:06So there's many things I'm going to start doing this week, you know.
22:10I've got the keto diet I'm starting on Monday.
22:12We're not all going on diets, like...
22:14Is it? I might as a drone as well.
22:16Who else is going on diet?
22:18Mum says she's going to do some sort of challenge with you.
22:20She wants to see who's going to lose more weight
22:22between you and her.
22:23Sister Samira and Amani.
22:26Yeah, that's what she was telling me yesterday.
22:29Yeah, she goes, I'm going to go on a challenge with Amira.
22:31Like, I'm going to see if I can do better than her.
22:34That's what she was telling me.
22:35My own mum won't even let me be my skinny legend self.
22:39What? She's going to lose weight faster than you.
22:43That's going to be so funny.
22:45It's a good thing you told me,
22:46because I feel like that motivated me even more.
22:48To beat mum at her own game, go ahead.
22:51That has just fuelled me to the next level.
22:54On Saturday, there were some naughty celebs
22:56up to no good on ITV.
22:59What's going on with Till?
23:00Oh, what's going on with that?
23:02Oh.
23:05Oh.
23:07You're not bringing spooks back in the house,
23:09do you look at Till?
23:10When we were younger,
23:10you used to pull bear pranks on me.
23:12Do you remember?
23:12When I used to be gullible.
23:15Yeah, do you remember?
23:17This sprawling estate is the home of six brand new TV shows.
23:21I love that venue, wherever that is.
23:24Beautiful.
23:25Hypothetical wedding.
23:26Welcome to couple, guys.
23:28Woo!
23:29Welcome to the applicants.
23:30I'm confused already.
23:32But what none of them know
23:34is that all of these shows are totally fake.
23:37Sneaky.
23:39But the contestants are a bit daft, aren't they?
23:41Going on a fake show.
23:42They don't know it's fake.
23:43That's because hidden in the basement is Mission HQ.
23:46Hold up.
23:47What?
23:48There's a whole new level now.
23:49Home to an elite team of celebrity saboteurs.
23:53I'm definitely going on the saboteurs!
23:55My head is absolutely spinning with what this could be about.
23:59I think I might have to write this down.
24:01Tonight, the celebrities take on their very first fake show,
24:05The Applicant.
24:06Is that an apprentice feel?
24:07I think so.
24:08The Applicant, is that a show?
24:10That's a fake show.
24:12Welcome to The Applicant.
24:14Over the next two days,
24:15you will be competing in a series of tasks
24:18to test if you can thrive in the competitive world of business.
24:22So these are the daft contestants
24:24that think they're going on to a real show.
24:26Team Blue Vision.
24:27Kevin, you will be hosting a wellness and yoga away day.
24:31Corporate away day.
24:32Team building exercise.
24:34Kill me now.
24:35So we'll be required to make a homemade rejuvenating face mask
24:38for the guests.
24:39So we're going to say this one includes matcha.
24:41They'll put matcha in fucking anything.
24:43Honestly, I'll wait until they start putting on chips or something.
24:47Mission alert.
24:48Here we go.
24:49What are they going to do?
24:50Jump disguised as an armchair.
24:52What?
24:52An armchair.
24:53That's quite something.
24:54Yeah.
24:55Have you ever disguised yourself as an armchair?
24:57I've disguised myself as a hat,
24:59but not as an armchair.
25:00You must ruin the face mask mix
25:02by adding too much green powder
25:04so it stains the client's skin.
25:08No!
25:10Geez, are we going to do that?
25:12Joe, we can see you.
25:14You look amazing.
25:15Oh, that's an armchair, Mary.
25:17That's funny.
25:20Oh, he's in.
25:21He's landed.
25:24He actually does look like a chair now.
25:26He does, isn't he?
25:26That's so clever.
25:27Joel, Team Bluefish is moving.
25:29They're on the move.
25:32That is sport, isn't it?
25:33That's brilliant.
25:34You're not only going to think
25:35someone's a fucking fake armchair, are you?
25:37You going to see how anyone's getting on with the yoga?
25:39Let's get it.
25:39Let's do it.
25:40Let's go.
25:41This is his moment.
25:44There he is.
25:45Go on, Joel.
25:47It is childish, isn't it?
25:50You're going to need to add some water.
25:52Oh, that's so much.
25:54I don't think we need to overthink it.
25:56It'll be fine.
25:57Oh, he's gone even more.
25:58He's put the full lot in.
26:00Well, go hard or go home?
26:01Do you mind if I put this face mask on your face?
26:05Oh, God, this is going to be so awful.
26:08Only the best and most premium products
26:12for our guests at the Blue Vision Retreat.
26:15That is so green.
26:17Look how relaxed they look.
26:19Little do they know that when they finish,
26:21they'll look like the Hulk.
26:22Does this have magic ingredients in it?
26:25It does.
26:25It sure does.
26:26Okay, ladies.
26:27It's time to remove your masks.
26:29Oh, good look.
26:33Bring it on.
26:34Oh, no.
26:35It's not going to stain our face, is it?
26:39Yes, it will.
26:40Oh, that's rank.
26:42I look like Shrek.
26:46You do look like Shrek, lady.
26:49If you just scrub gently, just in circular motions,
26:51it will come off.
26:52No, it's not Emma.
26:59Oh, she looks like Kermit the Frog.
27:02Oh, she's making it worse.
27:05I feel like they put too much of a certain ingredient
27:07in the face mask.
27:08That's it.
27:09Blame somebody else.
27:10He always does.
27:15Well, that's a very silly programme, Nutty.
27:18Very silly.
27:19But it did make us laugh once or twice.
27:21Once or twice will be enough.
27:23In spite of our serious selves.
27:24You once tried to say that I'd sabotage you
27:27by putting chewing gum in your hair the night before prom.
27:30You fucking did.
27:31No, I didn't.
27:32What happened was it, we were fighting,
27:34I had chewing gum in my mouth,
27:35and then I said, time out, I've lost my chewing gum.
27:38No.
27:38And you said, I hope it's in your hair.
27:41You turned around to walk away,
27:42and lo and behold, it was in the back of your hair.
27:44You spat it in my hair.
27:46And I had to freeze it out the night before prom.
27:50Disgusting behaviour.
27:52Mum was on about cutting it out.
27:54I said, absolutely not.
27:58In Derby.
27:59So I went to the barbers,
28:01and then when I was walking past,
28:02I saw a sign,
28:03and it said that we now do, like, nose waxing.
28:06The Siddiquis.
28:08Oh, it's an experience.
28:10So they get this thing, yeah,
28:11they get the swab,
28:12they then cover it with this, like, green kind of goo.
28:15Yeah.
28:16Then they shove it up your nose,
28:18and then they just go off for a walk,
28:21come back, and they yank it.
28:23And he showed it me afterwards as well,
28:25how many, like, hairs came out.
28:26Oh, my God.
28:28But that's such a guy thing, isn't it?
28:29He, like, showed it me.
28:30He's like, yeah, you're impressed with that, aren't you?
28:31Yeah.
28:33This week, something creepy was going on on Netflix.
28:37There's a woman renting a house in Ham, H-A-M,
28:43the village,
28:45currently with a ghost in it,
28:47and she doesn't know if it's her job
28:49or the landlady's job
28:51to have the ghost evicted.
28:53Oh.
28:56I don't think I want to watch this, Lee.
28:58Oh, go on.
28:58I want to get a good night's sleep.
29:00I don't think I'm going to get a good night's sleep
29:01watching this.
29:03Something very bad is going to happen.
29:05HE LAUGHS
29:16Five days until I do so.
29:18In other words, five days till the wedding.
29:24Oh, she's nodding off.
29:25She's nodding.
29:25Time to pull all of her, love.
29:27I'm not the one.
29:29Oh, careful.
29:33Are you OK?
29:34Oh, my God.
29:35Do you want to switch?
29:35We can switch.
29:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:37Why is he not driving?
29:39She's fucking falling asleep, man.
29:44Why are they always driving off to the middle of nowhere?
29:46Yeah.
29:47Where are they?
29:52I'm stopping for a rest.
29:54I would not be going there.
29:55I would not be stopping there.
29:56I would hold my wee until the next place that I get to.
30:04What's she seen?
30:05What's she seen, Jane?
30:05Dogging.
30:08Oh, my God, Miggy.
30:09Miggy, come here.
30:10What's she seen?
30:11What's in there?
30:12Look.
30:13Oh, my God.
30:14Do you think it's OK?
30:15A baby?
30:17Like, what's this all about?
30:21I'm going to go check the bathroom.
30:23No, no, don't get separated from him.
30:26Happy baby.
30:28Oh, God's sake.
30:32Oh, look at the state of that.
30:33And that's the women's.
30:34I'd hate to see the men.
30:36Oh, my God.
30:41Why are they all locked?
30:42Who's left the baby in the car?
30:44There's only one car in the car park.
30:45I checked the men's room.
30:47There's no one in there.
30:47Oh, fuck.
30:48No service.
30:49Oh, there's never no service when you want it easy.
30:51OK, but I think one of us should stay here with the baby
30:53and the other one should drive to the nearest, like, gas station
30:55or restaurant or whatever and call for help.
30:56I'd say I'll go to the gas station.
30:58No way could I stay there like that, waiting for somebody to come.
31:05Why are all the services derelict and creepy?
31:11Hi.
31:12Hi.
31:12Excuse me.
31:13There's, like, a rest stop 20 miles south of here.
31:1620 miles!
31:17She's drove 20 miles.
31:18We found a baby abandoned in a car and I think that maybe something, like...
31:23Oh, there's someone else there.
31:25There's someone else in the background.
31:27Oh, my God, there is.
31:27You're right.
31:30Benjamin.
31:32Yeah, Benjamin.
31:33She don't look like a Benjamin to me.
31:35Is she a ghost?
31:36No, she's not a ghost.
31:37She's something much worse.
31:38She's Gen Z.
31:40Benjamin was the name of the guy who worked here before me.
31:43But he hung himself in the bathroom with an electrical cord
31:45and they were too cheap to get me a name type with my own name on it.
31:48OK, this is all just looking lovely and a happy place to hang out and have a beer.
31:53Getting better by the second.
31:54Could you call the cops now, please?
31:55Yeah, yeah.
31:56Wait here.
31:56I'll call.
32:01Will they stop this nonsense?
32:04This show, every door is really noisy.
32:09God, she likes fucking toilets, doesn't she?
32:12Why is she going in the toilet again?
32:15Why is she going in the toilet again?
32:22Hovering.
32:22Good.
32:23Good choice.
32:26Door just opened.
32:34Oh, my God.
32:36Oh, my God.
32:42That is fucking terrifying.
32:43Oh, my God.
32:47Oh, my God.
32:49I would be running out of there.
32:56Oh, yeah, get a gun, clear your head.
32:57She was just having a pee and a guy's looked down on her
33:00and she's just like, I'm going to have a gumball.
33:01I'll have a wee gumball, yeah.
33:05There he is.
33:06There he is.
33:07Yeah.
33:07Oh, my God.
33:08Is that Bill Bailey?
33:12She's got her keys, Reggie.
33:17He's coming, Lee, he's coming.
33:19You can see him.
33:19You can see him in the bubblegum machine.
33:21I can see him through the glass bowl.
33:26My God, she put it straight through his hand.
33:29Oh, God.
33:32He didn't even feel it.
33:33Shit, man.
33:37Is it out yet?
33:39Yeah.
33:43Do you want your key back?
33:47Why is he feeling the hand and looking at the ring?
33:50I'm sure he's the one.
33:53Are you sure he's the one?
33:55Weird.
33:56Oh, I remember my sisters asking me that about you.
34:00Did they?
34:00Yeah, are you sure he's the one?
34:03Weird.
34:05Weird.
34:06Having been half scared to death, Rachel headed back to her fiancé at the service station.
34:14Has she found him?
34:15Is she back?
34:16Is she back?
34:17I can't breathe.
34:19Where's the car?
34:21Where's the baby?
34:22Where's your fella?
34:23They're gone.
34:28Wow!
34:31No.
34:32No.
34:32Turn it off.
34:33Turn it off.
34:33Turn it off.
34:33Turn it off.
34:34Too much.
34:34Too much.
34:35For someone who handles horror as well, you were a bit damsel in distress.
34:39You were.
34:39What did I do?
34:40Yeah, you were really just girls screaming.
34:44Yeah, I can handle it.
34:45It doesn't matter.
34:46I can do like that and then go into like a little fight mode, isn't it?
34:50Will somebody save me?
34:53What?
35:02What do you think?
35:05I did notice your eyebrows looked a little different today.
35:10With this new eyebrow pencil, I feel like that the colours are a bit different
35:14and it makes them look like they've been drawn on with a Sharpie.
35:17Yeah, they do look a bit Sharpie-ish. I didn't want to say.
35:20Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
35:22I don't mind Sharpie eyebrows. Do you not think my eyebrows are Sharpie-ish?
35:26No, that yours looks softer than mine.
35:29Maybe I'll just... Maybe it's my...
35:30It's your application.
35:31Maybe it's my application. Maybe it's my technique.
35:33Yeah, I think it probably is.
35:35Can't polish a turd.
35:37No, but you can draw eyebrows on it.
35:41On Tuesday, there was something soft and fluffy on Channel 4.
35:46Do you remember when I took my gran's neighbour's dog out for a walk?
35:49Bertie, Bertie was a whippet. She ran home.
35:52A bit away from you.
35:54I turned down, the fucker was gone.
35:59I mean, I personally feel about Merlin.
36:02The reason he makes me so happy is that I know that in his little head
36:06he doesn't know about anything other than walks, dog food and cuddling.
36:12Oh, no, I think he knows about a lot of...
36:15No, he doesn't know about Putin, Ukraine.
36:18He does. He's very interested in the Iran conflict.
36:22He is not.
36:23And the inconsistencies in Trump's behaviour.
36:26Every year, Wood Green takes in over 600 dogs.
36:30Good lads.
36:32Each one looking for a forever home.
36:34Oh, look.
36:35They're all lovely.
36:37The newest arrival is on his way.
36:40Oh, that looks like a cockapoo.
36:42Yeah.
36:42So, tell me, who have we got here?
36:45This is Ozzy. He is eight months old.
36:47Ozzy.
36:48Is he being left at the pound?
36:50We are in the process of moving internationally.
36:52Oh.
36:53She's in shock here. She can't believe this.
36:55She can't. Look at her.
36:57Leaving the dog behind? What?
36:59We've weighed up the various different factors, if you like,
37:02with taking Ozzy with us.
37:04There's vaccinations, there's the quarantine, there's the flight,
37:08there's temperature.
37:09That must be so hard.
37:11You get a dog, and then eight months later, you have to move,
37:14and you have to potentially give the dog out.
37:16Actually, he's clearly doing the right thing.
37:18Doing the right thing.
37:19By staying here with Ozzy while you leave, if that's okay?
37:23Cheers. Thank you very much.
37:24Take care. Bye-bye.
37:26Ozzy's leaving.
37:27Oh, bless him.
37:29Oh, that's got to be heart-breaking, mate.
37:31Oh, look at Oz.
37:32It's okay, buddy.
37:35Oh, no.
37:36Don't show this.
37:37Where's my dad going?
37:38Where's my dad?
37:40With mum and dad in tow,
37:42animal-obsessed Aurora
37:44is keeping all of her options open.
37:46Look at her with a little dog teddy and a dog jumper.
37:49She's on a mission to get a dog today, isn't she?
37:51Have you discussed who's going to be doing
37:53all the different jobs with this dog?
37:55No.
37:56Oh, she's gorgeous!
37:59We have discussed who's going to do jobs,
38:02because we've said you need to do some of these jobs, don't you?
38:05Clean up after it and wipe his feet.
38:07It's been in the garden.
38:08She's like, what did I agree to again?
38:11Yeah.
38:11I don't really know.
38:12I agreed to something, but I don't really know.
38:15You clean up after it and you wipe his feet.
38:18Ha-ha!
38:19She's getting on with her counter, Aurora.
38:22Come on, mate.
38:23This way.
38:23Whoa, buzzing.
38:24Oh, here he comes.
38:26Oh, come on, Ozzy.
38:27I love this part.
38:28It's like the first meet.
38:30Oh, his hair.
38:34Here he is.
38:35Oh, look.
38:37What will she think?
38:38Oh, Ozzy.
38:39Oh.
38:40Oh!
38:41Look at Aurora's face.
38:43So, he's very into everything.
38:44He is a social butterfly.
38:46Oh, she's not frightened of him, is she?
38:48No, no, don't run away from him.
38:50He's fine.
38:51Has he just got a wet mouth?
38:53I think Aurora's a bit cautious, isn't she?
38:55Yes, she is, yeah.
38:59I know.
39:00Well, this isn't going as I thought it would.
39:03Calm down.
39:04The mum's panicking now,
39:05because she's thinking, have we made the right decision here?
39:07Yeah.
39:08This is going to be a McDonald's on the way home.
39:10Oh, yeah.
39:11Crying.
39:11Trying to smooth things, can't we?
39:13Oh, there.
39:14There we go.
39:15Go on, get him a toy.
39:17Go on, Aurora, good girl.
39:19Can you see him there?
39:20This toy he might like.
39:22Yeah, throw it to her.
39:23No, no, no, look.
39:24Woo!
39:26Hey, look, she's playing with him, Mum.
39:28Yeah, look at it.
39:30Is he going to bring it back, though?
39:31Woo!
39:33Oh, she's having fun now.
39:36Woo!
39:37Oh, oh.
39:38Hey, she didn't flinch, though.
39:40They're becoming friends now.
39:42She's bonding with him.
39:43She's bonding with him.
39:45I see.
39:46Come on.
39:46I see.
39:47Oh, I think he wants me.
39:50Oh!
39:51I'm sitting down.
39:53Yes!
39:53That's what I want to hear.
39:56Well done, I see.
39:59Well done.
40:01Well done.
40:03Oh!
40:06Stop it.
40:07There we go.
40:08Stop it.
40:08Now it's all perfect.
40:10He's making friends with me.
40:13That's sweet, isn't it?
40:15He's making friends.
40:18That is really, honestly, in a world full of shit, how lovely is that?
40:23Really nice.
40:24Oh, my God.
40:25That is just adorable.
40:26Yes.
40:27That was really lovely.
40:28You're crying.
40:29Are you?
40:30Yeah, slightly.
40:32No, no, no.
40:34So, I'm booking us in to go to the doghouse.
40:38No, we're not.
40:39No.
40:39Why?
40:40Not yet.
40:40We would think about it, but I know if you go there, you'll just come back with a dog.
40:44I can give an old boy another chance in life, like you.
40:47Well, thanks, darling.
40:52Have you recovered from South Park Weekender because we lost our voices?
40:56I was going to say, up until yesterday, I was a bit croaky.
40:59Mate, I definitely clocked up about 85,000 steps that weekend.
41:02I know.
41:03Best friends Danielle and Daniela.
41:06They say ravers burn more calories than gym goers.
41:09Oh, absolutely.
41:10They would tell you, in my raving days, at my, like, pinnacle of my raving days, I was svelte.
41:16Mm, same.
41:17I was...
41:17Same.
41:18Body.
41:19Same.
41:20And then you're adding the heels.
41:21My toes were like that.
41:23But my body.
41:24Body.
41:25With them ginger toes, but body.
41:30Oh, man, take me back.
41:32On Sunday night, contestants were playing cat and mouse in a new high-stakes game show on Channel 4.
41:39I've seen this advertised, looks all right there.
41:40It looks like basically one bunch of people changed and another lot of people, adult hide-and-seek.
41:45Sounds cracking.
41:46We're resorting to child's games now.
41:48Yeah.
41:49Because we're running out of game show ideas.
41:51Next, it's going to be hopscotch or something like that.
41:53It'll be bloody Red Rover, won't it?
41:56Ten players will fight to win up to £100,000.
42:01You don't even need to pay me to do this.
42:04Can I just say it?
42:05You do it for free.
42:05Well, I'll do it for free.
42:06Just for fun.
42:07Hit it against each other.
42:09As prey.
42:11I'm feeling so nervous right now.
42:13Versus Predator.
42:14Do you know who'd be good at this?
42:15Sue from Running Club.
42:17Yes, you would.
42:17Oh, I hate being chased.
42:19I have nightmares about that, you know.
42:20Oh, do you?
42:21Oh, terrible.
42:22And they never catch me.
42:23God knows how.
42:24Well, I must be fast in me dreams.
42:30You love the Hunger Games and all that sort of stuff, too.
42:34The thrill of the chase.
42:35Yeah.
42:36Once the chase is over, who cares?
42:40Yeah, you chased me for so long and then, you know, got me.
42:43It was the easiest hunt I've ever had.
42:45Yeah.
42:46Predators.
42:47Your task is simple.
42:49Hunt the prey.
42:51Surely you want to be the predator.
42:52What group would you want to be in the prey?
42:54I need to see your predators.
42:55I need to see the benefits above.
42:56Yeah.
42:57Yeah.
42:58Yeah.
42:58If one of you catches a prey, you will swap roles in the game.
43:02Oh, so the prey doesn't die.
43:05The prey just becomes a predator.
43:06Each night, one predator will be voted out of the contest.
43:11Oh, so you're safer being prey.
43:13You'd think that being a predator would be a good thing,
43:15but in this game, it's not.
43:16You don't want to be a predator.
43:17You want to be prey.
43:18At the end of this hunt, if any five of us are still predators,
43:22the rest of us who have become prey, they're back.
43:25They're plotting, Mary.
43:27Trying to scheme already, you know.
43:28Trying to form alliances.
43:29Prey are the only ones that get a say in the cult,
43:33so Nathan has proposed a pact.
43:35Pact.
43:35What's the pact?
43:36Right, we've got a pact.
43:37Already, they've only just met each other.
43:39As long as we convert the majority of us into prey,
43:42we're all safe.
43:43Yeah.
43:43Nathan's basically put his hat in the ring here and said,
43:46look, us lot, we've got to stick together as predators.
43:49So these five are on the back foot, aren't they?
43:51By the end of today, they need to be prey.
43:54Three, two, one.
43:59Go.
44:00Get out of there!
44:01It's basically a big game of TIG.
44:03In the woods, for adults, for money.
44:08Fuck's sake.
44:08After Predator Roy caught Shelly,
44:11he was then on the runner's prey.
44:15Who's that?
44:17Oh, he's spotted someone.
44:19Oh, there's another one, there's another one, there's another one.
44:21No way.
44:22Out of all the people I had to see,
44:24this damn forest, it had to be you.
44:26It's fucking Roy.
44:28It's Roy!
44:29This is going to test the alliance now,
44:30because he's the first one to switch over,
44:33and he's the first one caught again.
44:34See this pond?
44:35Yeah.
44:36There's another...
44:36I really want to catch you.
44:37Yeah.
44:38What?
44:39Did he just say I really want to catch you?
44:41It was his idea!
44:43Nathan's the guy that suggested the pact.
44:44Yeah.
44:45No, Nathan!
44:47It's funny.
44:48Nathan didn't even hold back.
44:49He just went,
44:50shut up for a minute.
44:51I really want to catch her.
44:52We can't start turning each other in the first hunt.
44:55I'm not going to catch you,
44:56because I like the game plan.
44:57Tempting though, wouldn't it?
44:58Oh, I'd have done it.
44:59I know you would.
45:00You just sat that pack off the minute it was main.
45:04Players, the glade is now reopened.
45:06The hunt will conclude in ten minutes.
45:09Oh, ten minutes later.
45:10You've got to make your way back to the glade.
45:12Yeah.
45:12You've got to make your way back to the glade.
45:13You've got to make your way back to the glade.
45:13Yeah.
45:14Oh, come on.
45:17I'm ready to pounce.
45:18It's Nathan!
45:19It's Nathan again!
45:20No!
45:21Nathan's coming out.
45:23Nathan's coming for Roy.
45:25Oh, Roy!
45:26Go on, Roy!
45:26Oh, my God, he is too.
45:29Nathan, you shit.
45:31Sorry.
45:32I'm sorry, I've got to do it.
45:34Oh, no!
45:35Oh, I cannot believe the cheek of Nathan.
45:39Yes!
45:40No!
45:42Oh, God.
45:43Oh, they got him, but it was Mel who got him.
45:46So, not only has Nathan shown his true colours, he's also still a predator.
45:51That's chef's kiss.
45:52This has proper made me want to game and hide and seek.
45:55Like, one allied first.
45:58The deal is, it's got to be within the house and the garden.
46:02Give me 30 seconds.
46:04Yeah?
46:05Yeah, so, Sean.
46:06Sound.
46:1415 seconds now.
46:15No, you start when I go.
46:20See what's on the other side now, Julie.
46:27No hiding your baking skills here.
46:29Molly May and Babatunde Alessi are in the Bake Off tent.
46:33You can stream or watch Sunday at 7.40.
46:35And the goggle boxers have just been watching it.
46:38The Hunt.
46:39Prey versus Predator.
46:40You can stream or watch.
46:42It's brand new tomorrow at 9.
46:43But next, Charlotte Church joins the lads for the last leg.
Comments