00:00And this wedding is going to regret the day it thought we'd make it about us.
00:03Because we are about to be the first guests in history to out-toast the entire f***ing wedding party.
00:10God, I love my job.
00:11Wait, this isn't my job.
00:13God, I love myself.
00:14That was Stacey's first time.
00:21But it's not going to be her last time. Right, Garrett?
00:26So many classic toast errors.
00:28A fire hydrant could follow this.
00:31So much. And please keep painting.
00:34Don't let Garrett, don't, hey, don't let Garrett keep you from painting.
00:39Okay, I'm done.
00:40Okay, Stacey's friend, Andy, everybody.
00:43Next up, we have a replacement best man, Garrett's friend from Greendale College, Jeffrey Winger.
00:48There's a lot of things I can say about this couple.
00:52They're both in my class at Greendale.
00:54And like all my students, I give them until about June.
00:59No, you guys will be fine forever.
01:02As long as Stacey never lets Andy babysit.
01:06Or go near a child.
01:08Or be in the same town as a pair of scissors.
01:12This girl's a wreck.
01:15He's being too mean.
01:16No, he's reading the room. Andy was a bummer. They needed this.
01:20Two people merging their lives.
01:22But that means two families are leaving here tonight as one.
01:27That's a big deal.
01:28Now, my friends and I came here tonight as outsiders.
01:32But thanks to some good advice, we spent the night learning about these two clans of outsiders.
01:39We learned that Garrett's Uncle Tony is a photographer.
01:43But Uncle Tony, did you know that Stacey's friend Lawrence makes and sells frames?
01:48Look each other up.
01:49Get some business going.
01:50Oh, and Garrett's neighbor Don loves vintage cars.
01:54Stacey's chiropractor Susan brought her dad.
01:57And guess what?
01:58Her dad worked in an automobile factory in the 60s.
02:02Yeah, I know.
02:03These are the kind of things you learn being the biggest jerks at a wedding.
02:07Here's another golden nugget in the gravel.
02:09Some of you have worked the dance floor with Garrett's divine great Aunt Polly, 90 years young.
02:17And some of you chatted with Stacey's meemaw, also 90 years young.
02:25Now, I don't know if they've even met before tonight, but we did learn that both of them were born
02:33in the same town, Sheridan, Wyoming.
02:37Now, Garrett and Stacey, would you mind getting them both out here?
02:42All right, yeah.
02:43I know Aunt Polly's here.
02:46Isn't she beautiful?
02:50Okay, who has got eyes on meemaw?
02:55This is meemaw.
02:58Oh, this is meemaw.
03:00Okay, I feel like an idiot.
03:02I'm so, so sorry.
03:04Garrett, where's Aunt Polly?
03:08Okay.
03:10Uh, I...
03:11Now, I don't feel as stupid, uh, because either someone here is lying, or this family's a lot closer than
03:19we thought.
03:22It's...
03:28And now, this is a man that knows how to marry his cousin.
03:34Two.
03:37Oh, my God.
03:40Oh!
03:40Oh!
03:40Oh!
03:40Oh!
03:40Oh!
03:42Oh!
03:47I'll see you next time.
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