- 1 day ago
The Trades S03E01 (2026)
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TVTranscript
00:00The End
00:00The End
00:00The End
00:08Odds! Wake the fuck up! We're going hard!
00:10Oh fuck!
00:10Jimmy's retirement weekend! You can sleep when he's dead!
00:13Okay, I'll distract him. You fucking gotta get out of here!
00:15With what? A teleporter?
00:17Go hide!
00:18Here?
00:22Use rubber!
00:23Hey Odds, you alive or what?
00:26Fuck bro! You can't just barge in here like that, okay?
00:28Cause I was rubbing one out
00:30Glad I didn't walk in on that
00:32Yeah, me too! Here, get the Caesar in here
00:34All your essential nutrients! Awesome!
00:36Tomatoes, vodka, clams, and...
00:39Holy shit! Way more vodka!
00:41Gave one of my famous pickled beans
00:43This new batch? Make your ass lips pucker
00:45Can't wait!
00:47Fuck! Grab your shit!
00:49Did you flip?
00:50Oh! One more thing!
00:52Huh? You want your eggs Todd style?
00:54Uh, no. Scrambled's fine!
00:56Thank you! You're welcome again!
00:58No problem at all!
00:59Get the fuck out of here!
01:00Oh, here we go!
01:04Oh shit! This is gonna suck!
01:06Fuck!
01:08Oh!
01:10Why the hell were you up on our roof?
01:12Dodd's roof! He's got shingle rot!
01:13And there goes the timer!
01:15Holy fuck! It's cold!
01:17Don't need for a shower now!
01:20Shingle rot?
01:22First I'm hearing of it, Mr. Handy Mullet!
01:24Are you shaving your whole face?
01:26I've been doing it since I was five!
01:27Oh!
01:28You do it once and it grows back thicker!
01:29If I don't stay on top of this, I'm a daytime werewolf!
01:32Well, look who it is!
01:33I'm not here!
01:35Ugh!
01:36Ugh!
01:37Ugh!
01:38Ugh!
01:38Hey, what up, slugs?
01:40Morning, boss!
01:41You look...
01:42Please!
01:42Don't even go there, dicklamp!
01:44Your waiter in service last night was bullshit!
01:46What the fuck happened to the dessert I paid for?
01:48Oh, I ate the dessert myself!
01:49You were too busy eating my sister's face!
01:51Hello!
01:53Hey, you wanna see a drawing of the dream I had?
01:55Are you wearing clothes this time?
01:56Fuck!
01:57Oh, Jesus!
01:58Is that your stepmom again?
01:59Yeah, Miss Nancy!
02:01Except this time she's part woman, part recliner!
02:04You really need to talk to somebody about this!
02:07I am!
02:08You're my someone!
02:09I'm not qualified!
02:10What do you think this dream means?
02:12Great!
02:13We're all clear!
02:14Ow!
02:15You fucking city weasel!
02:19Ugh!
02:20Ugh!
02:21Ugh!
02:21Fuck!
02:21Don't stare him in the eyes!
02:23You should know better!
02:24I do know better!
02:25How about I just punt the fucking thing over the fence?
02:30Hey, buddy!
02:31What are you doing here?
02:32Oh, hey!
02:33Bud!
02:34I was just, uh, coming to take you to breakfast!
02:37I got breakfast on the go inside!
02:39Come on in!
02:39Oh, nice!
02:39What happened to your face?
02:40You getting in a fight?
02:41Yeah, I know!
02:41It's running through the bush, hunting squirrels and shit!
02:44How come you're all wet?
02:45I think it was raining over where I am.
02:47What's that?
02:47Is my pizza or something?
02:48It's raining?
02:49It's not a fucking cloud in the sky!
02:50Yeah!
02:50Drive that into ya!
02:52Wow!
02:52Todd style!
02:54Oh, yeah!
02:55What is that?
02:56Did I do that to you?
02:57No!
02:58Do we?
02:59Thank you, toddler!
03:01Uh, did everyone have a good night?
03:03Oh, yeah!
03:04Sure did!
03:05Yeah?
03:07Anyone special spending the night?
03:09Uh, Todd?
03:12Nope!
03:13And probably for the best, cause I snore like a bastard!
03:16Playing hard to get, huh?
03:17Good strategy!
03:18Not that hard!
03:19We already talked about another date!
03:20That a boy!
03:21Nice!
03:22Nice!
03:23What'd you get up to after Dana and I left last night?
03:26I left right after you guys!
03:28Are you sure?
03:28Yeah!
03:29Um, what time did you leave?
03:31Ha ha ha!
03:32Later!
03:32Later!
03:33A little later!
03:34Not too late!
03:34Not nose beers late!
03:35Nothing like that!
03:36You know, just, uh, early for some, later for others!
03:38You know what I mean?
03:39It's just kinda just...
03:40Ha ha ha!
03:41Yes!
03:42You're being weird!
03:44One foot!
03:44Ugh!
03:45You guys got some catching up to do!
03:46Cause I'm already on round two!
03:53Happy Monday!
03:54Ugh!
03:54What a messy weekend!
03:55My brains are scrambled!
03:57You gonna be okay to work today?
03:58Did you get that all out of your system?
04:00I don't know, man!
04:02Okay!
04:03Alright!
04:03You were not hung over!
04:05You're good!
04:06You were definitely hung over!
04:08Here, coffee!
04:09Check!
04:10After coffee gum!
04:11Thank you!
04:12Take this for the pain!
04:14Chase it down with this!
04:16What would you do without me?
04:18I'd be fucked!
04:20Look at me!
04:22Ow!
04:23Now you're good!
04:23The fuck?
04:25Let's go Monday!
04:26Do this!
04:27Woo!
04:28We are crushing life!
04:30Rushing it!
04:31Good morning, ladies!
04:32Hey!
04:33It's Monday, but Todd's got Friday energy!
04:35Oh yeah!
04:36Smell that?
04:36That's the smell of money being made, bitches!
04:38Paychecks cleared!
04:39I gave us a raise!
04:40As you should!
04:41While you're at it, I'll take one!
04:42Sure, sweetheart!
04:43Pew pew!
04:44Pew pew!
04:45That's the walk of a man that wishes I'd take him back!
04:47I heard that!
04:48You heard that!
04:49Maybe I wanted you to!
04:53Hey, Chips!
04:54The champions!
04:57Fuck!
04:58Hey, Snappy!
04:58What's cracking?
04:59Hey, brother!
04:59Today could be the day!
05:01Zero infractions!
05:02Oh, let's hope!
05:03Oh!
05:04Was that one?
05:05Nothing unsafe about that!
05:06That's called team spirit!
05:07Yeah, it is!
05:08Don't you fuck this up for me, Winky!
05:11Hey, Taze!
05:12Don't just stand there!
05:13Put your hands in your pockets!
05:14Why stand when you can lean?
05:15Why lean when you can sit?
05:16Clocked in!
05:17Tuned out!
05:18Have a good shift, everyone!
05:19Play safe!
05:20Look!
05:20Look at this!
05:22Who finally saw the mystery of the 8-inch puke?
05:24It's not a puke!
05:25It's a hair!
05:26Not the janitor's head!
05:27Oh, well, thanks!
05:28Fuck!
05:29I've been praying for closures of that one!
05:34Russian hands?
05:35No, no, no!
05:36That came out of the pits!
05:37Russian hands!
05:41Morning, sunshine!
05:42Hey, Chelsea!
05:44Hell of a night at Jimmy's parody!
05:45Yeah, officially unionized.
05:47Years to progress.
05:48Also, congrats!
05:49You get to swing the axe today.
05:50It's your first official layoff as general foreman.
05:53That was a fun little 180.
05:55Contract got pulled.
05:56Initially it was four guys, but I got it down to one, so the clock's ticking.
06:00One?
06:00That's it?
06:01Don't we have apprentices sitting around?
06:03Or travel cards visiting?
06:05Retirees?
06:05You're one head heavy.
06:07You know the crews.
06:08I'm sorry, but I need a name.
06:10Can you do it?
06:11Layoffs are your job, GF.
06:13Okay, can I just-
06:14No, you can't pick yourself.
06:17Fuck.
06:21Your colon called.
06:23It's scared.
06:24It's unionized.
06:25It's organizing waka through my butthole.
06:27At this point, I feel like you're not even digesting food.
06:29You're more brining yourself from the inside out.
06:31If I taste the food, then the food tastes mean.
06:34Okay.
06:35You asked, I delivered.
06:37This is coital silver.
06:39This'll help get rid of my lung whistle?
06:41Oh yeah.
06:42This stuff might have to tickle out of my throat and open my third eye.
06:44This is the shit the FDA doesn't want you to know about.
06:46Oh ho ho.
06:48Try it.
06:48What do you gotta lose?
06:49Come on man, I'm telling you.
06:51Smells like a slot machine, man.
06:53Is that fish?
06:54Yes.
06:55Oh.
06:55And smoked mackerel from my Uncle Ezekiel.
06:57Yeah, well now everyone is smoked.
06:59Delicious, look at it.
07:00Oh, you microwaved it in tinfoil?
07:02You dummy.
07:02Oh?
07:03That's precisely what you're supposed to do with it.
07:05That is literally the one thing you're not supposed to put into a microwave.
07:08That's incorrect.
07:09It's about fireworks.
07:09I need to show you some backwoods culture, okay?
07:11Who raised you?
07:12Oh yeah, wolves.
07:14Yeah, something's fishy and it ain't that mackerel.
07:18Oh yeah.
07:19Bad herring you think?
07:21No, dude.
07:22Small sex!
07:23Small sex!
07:30That snacks is a wild boy.
07:32You know what?
07:33You actually might need a rabies shot.
07:35Maybe.
07:35I mean, what do you think?
07:36You wanna come with?
07:38Make it a date?
07:39You're asking me on a rabies date?
07:41Fuck yeah.
07:41It's not my first shot and it won't be my last.
07:43You might as well just come with me, I'll get blasted and then we'll go get some wings.
07:46I do like sweet and spicy.
07:48Yeah?
07:49Yeah.
07:49Do you like it like the weekend?
07:51From what I remember, it was okay.
07:52What you remember?
07:54Better than okay.
07:55You know it.
07:55Admit it.
07:55You had fun.
07:56Come on.
07:57You did.
07:58Give it.
07:58Stop it.
07:59I'm fucking serious.
08:00Reggie, I'm fucking serious, okay?
08:02What?
08:02This does not go beyond us.
08:04You're his best friend.
08:05I'm his fucking sister.
08:06I will not be the toolbox talk.
08:07No one here will know anything about what happened between us.
08:10Talk of the morning, lovers.
08:13For fuck's sake, Stu.
08:15Fucking snake!
08:16Oh my god, Dewey.
08:18That is right.
08:18I know everything.
08:20I told you.
08:21What do you mean told me?
08:22He lives there.
08:23The price for my silence will be 40 bucks.
08:25What?
08:25However, I will not delete the mental images.
08:29Ew.
08:30You're not extorting me, Dewey.
08:32Good.
08:32I will get him.
08:33I will fuck your shit up.
08:34Get him.
08:35It's a bit aggressive.
08:36For a guilty conscience.
08:37You give me 40 dollars.
08:39And I...
08:39Who has 40 dollars?
08:40I will give you a fucking punch in the balls, Dewey.
08:43And I will squeeze your head off.
08:44How does that sound?
08:45Easy, big fella.
08:47Imagine Todd's face when he finds out his bestie and his sister played the little game
08:50of drill and fill.
08:51Huh?
08:52Okay, he's kinda goss.
08:53Fuck you, Dewey.
08:5440 for your silence.
08:56Good deal, good deal.
08:57Fine.
08:57Don't be like some fucking foot fungus coming back next week, Dewey.
09:00Expect your silence.
09:00Well, fungus is resilient.
09:02Silence!
09:04Okay, here we go.
09:06Who's the most expendable?
09:07Come on, Tanner.
09:09Come on, Tanner.
09:13Fuck!
09:15Alright.
09:16I guess we let the people decide.
09:24Please!
09:25God!
09:26Can't you see we're on a banana break, Dewey?
09:28Jeez, Dewey.
09:29I've been entrusted with something of an adult nature.
09:33Hmm, do tell.
09:35How adult are we talking?
09:36Triple X adult.
09:38Maximum spicy.
09:39Ooh, that's my favorite level of spice.
09:42And I'm the only one that knows.
09:44Not for long.
09:47Alright, who's up?
09:50Oh, here we go.
09:51Hey, Tan Man!
09:53Hey.
09:53Quick question.
09:54How do you feel?
09:55I've been taking a long weekend.
09:57Maybe back-to-back long weekends.
09:59And all the days in between.
10:01Uh, I mean, I love the time off.
10:03Is it paid?
10:04I need the hours.
10:05No, I was thinking more voluntarily.
10:08Oh.
10:09Well, I'm saving up for a place of my own,
10:11because I still live at home with my mom, man.
10:13Oh, you do, do you?
10:14She just got a new boyfriend.
10:15Right.
10:16At night, I can't hear him, but...
10:18Oh, I can sure as hell hear her.
10:19Okay.
10:20Oh, fuck.
10:21Unless that is him.
10:22I hope not.
10:24I actually gotta be somewhere different.
10:32Didn't see the sign?
10:33I saw it.
10:36Whoa, beauty.
10:37What?
10:38What?
10:40So, listen, Roach.
10:41What do you think about taking some time off?
10:43Uh, like, paid vacation?
10:45Nope, it'd just be a vacation.
10:46Oh, I can't.
10:47I'm two payments behind on my dirt bike.
10:49That's okay.
10:50They said they'd take my thumb.
10:52And this one's opposable, so...
10:54I guess you can't paint without your thumb.
10:56Oh.
10:57For fuck's sakes.
10:58Hey, man, you didn't even piss.
11:00Whoa!
11:01You sure you don't want a bit of time off?
11:03Hell no.
11:05Look at these delts.
11:06They're not gonna feed themselves.
11:08Look at them.
11:09Which ones are the delts again?
11:11I just can't do it.
11:12I know too much about their lives.
11:13Because they all have stories.
11:14Dads.
11:15Pets that need surgeries.
11:17A guy's mom having sloppy loud sex.
11:19It's fucked.
11:19You're the GF, Todd.
11:21Part of the job is making hard calls.
11:23Yeah.
11:26Look, I know it sucks.
11:27Just find the balance between being a friend and a leader.
11:30What does this have to do?
11:30It's more than about your piss, Roach.
11:32It's everything.
11:33Todd!
11:34Fuck.
11:35Look at this.
11:36If you trace the silver supply chain backwards, bam!
11:38That's where the airborne microchips come in.
11:40Right under our ignorant little noses.
11:42I was just asking why my piss is so, uh, stinky.
11:45Honest.
11:45No, no, no, no.
11:46Look.
11:46That's the detox piss, man.
11:48It's the best kind of piss.
11:49It's the number one of number ones.
11:51Now, come on.
11:52Move!
11:53Happy scrapbooking, boys.
11:54Fuck you, Todd!
11:55Good one.
11:55And you're having a tough time finding a candidate?
11:57Crazy gets shit done.
11:59Oh, conch wouldn't be conch without crazy.
12:03Watch that line, Leonard.
12:04I'm not sure about that calculation.
12:06I used your theorem.
12:07Not very well.
12:08Leonard.
12:09Mehdi, where are you?
12:11Why are you on a necklace?
12:12I'm supervising Leonard's work from abroad.
12:15My arms got tired, so I made this Mehdi strap on.
12:17Unfortunately, his arms tire very easily.
12:20What?
12:21Not that easily.
12:22Well, boys, if these walls could top.
12:26I just alphabetized those.
12:29What's our little rat saying now?
12:31No clue.
12:32I don't tell tales out of school.
12:34Oh, sure.
12:35Right, right, right.
12:36Come on, punky deuster.
12:38Spit it out.
12:39But a certain lady carpenter and her burly journeymen have been erecting platforms after
12:44hours.
12:45What?
12:46Wait.
12:47My connection glitched.
12:49Ah, Leonard, elevate me.
12:50Close, sir.
12:51I want to study his eyes.
12:53I'm telling you the truth.
12:55You're thrown by my droopy eye.
12:56I was born with it.
12:57I don't think so.
12:58I don't think he's telling the truth.
13:03Take it.
13:05Fuck, Dewey.
13:06You can't tell anyone's top secret.
13:10Okay.
13:12Odds and Bareback are doing the horizontal fender bender.
13:15What?
13:15He's putting his hammer into her holster.
13:20Say no more.
13:22I am a vault.
13:23But that is too big of a secret to keep.
13:25Leave me.
13:26That means I need 50 bucks.
13:2750 bucks?
13:28Come on, Dewey.
13:29That's the best rate I can give you for my silence.
13:30Wait.
13:31Are you serious?
13:32You're blackmailing me?
13:34Taxing gossip.
13:35Hey, I accept e-transfer cash.
13:37Thanks, bud.
13:40Oh, shit.
13:43Everybody knows, Dewey.
13:45People are talking, Dewey.
13:47Not us, though.
13:47We're confidential.
13:48But not for free.
13:49What?
13:50We heard you're paying out hush money.
13:51Hush money.
13:55And what is it that you want?
13:57Mani-pedis.
13:58Shellac.
13:59None of that cheap clear coat shit.
14:00And a spray tan.
14:02Or like a full caramel glaze.
14:03Caramel glaze?
14:06Caramel.
14:07Oh, my God.
14:09This shit ain't cheap, Dewey.
14:10We know you're good for it.
14:11Yeah, we might start feeling chatty.
14:13You know, I look after snacks now, too.
14:15I have to feed him and wash him.
14:17And that's on you.
14:18It costs money.
14:19You know, we got a growing number of employees
14:21interested in being paid to keep their mouth closed about that gossip.
14:25I know.
14:26It's appalling.
14:28You should probably report this to Chelsea.
14:30No.
14:31No, don't do that.
14:32Unless you'd be willing to donate to my bulking regimen.
14:37Would you?
14:38Do we?
14:41Would you?
14:43Hey, boss.
14:47Are you okay?
14:48I gotta lay someone off.
14:50Fuck.
14:51Look at these beautiful bastards.
14:53How am I supposed to pick?
14:56Well done.
14:57Fresh off the torch.
15:00Anyone?
15:00Anyone?
15:03We're down.
15:07Normally I do.
15:11Seven.
15:12Sixty-eight.
15:14Sixty-nine.
15:15You're after.
15:19Todd, my man.
15:20Whenever I've gotta be a stone cold bad bitch,
15:23I call him my alter ego, Stephanie.
15:25Oh, yeah?
15:25Yeah.
15:26This is Steph.
15:27You've met her.
15:28This, however, is Stephanie.
15:32There's a difference?
15:33Oh, there's a difference.
15:34It's in the attitude.
15:35Check this out.
15:36Hey Tanner, your locker's been compromised.
15:38Clear it out.
15:39Ah, fuck me.
15:40Not again.
15:41Go dead behind the eyes.
15:42No blinking.
15:43No throat clears.
15:45Monotone.
15:45Find an attitude that works for you.
15:48Don't be fucking Todd.
15:49Todd?
15:51Be Todd Rick.
15:53Got it.
15:54Say it.
15:58I'm Todd Rick.
15:58I'm a stone cold bad...
16:00I'm a stone cold bad bitch.
16:02Yeah, you are, man.
16:04You got this.
16:08Gotta lay you off.
16:09Hey Todd.
16:10I can see your lips moving, but all I can hear is Nickelback.
16:13Oh, yeah.
16:16Sometimes you gotta remove a good stud to finish the wall.
16:19What?
16:19Your voice sounds fucking weird.
16:21Oh, is this your attempt at a boss man voice?
16:24I gotta lay you off.
16:26That sucks for you, man.
16:28Cause I ain't going nowhere.
16:33Fuck my life.
16:34Yeah, you're gonna have to practice, Todd Rick.
16:36You couldn't lay off that.
16:39She's alright.
16:41You alright?
16:44Yes.
16:45I'm Scott.
16:47Due to recent economic developments, the price for my silence has increased.
16:52Fucker, you better not have told anyone, do we?
16:54I will screw you to the wall and throw fucking knives at you.
16:57You better not fuck this up for me.
16:58What?
16:59Are you getting told anyone?
17:00Absolutely not.
17:01I mean, my...
17:02God, you told...
17:02How many people did you tell?
17:03Hypothetically.
17:04If I had told someone, then I hypothetically would now need some more money
17:09to, hypothetically, not tell more people?
17:13As you hypothetically have, you're by the balls right now.
17:15How much more do you need?
17:16Oh, this'll do.
17:17Oh, what the fuck, Dewey?
17:18Hey, you remember.
17:19I know where you sleep.
17:20Unfortunately for you, B-dubs, I now know where you've been sleeping.
17:24For fuck's sake, Dewey.
17:25No, Roach!
17:26You can't chuck colloidal silver!
17:27Put it down!
17:28No, Roach!
17:29Get off me!
17:31No, we gotta get out of here!
17:32It tastes like burnt scabber, man!
17:33We gotta...
17:33Purge it out of him before he turns into the team man!
17:39Fucking hide my face!
17:40What the hell's going on here?
17:41No!
17:42You can't chuck colloidal silver!
17:43Yeah, yeah, okay, but maybe don't body slam the guy, Homer!
17:45He's not gonna be okay.
17:46Why are you helping?
17:47I mean it.
17:47He's gonna be really sick, I'm telling you!
17:49Hey, stop it!
17:49Stop!
17:52Homer, I'm laying you off.
17:53Whoa.
17:56Wait, what?
17:59Aw, bummer, man!
18:00Break it up!
18:01Hey, come on!
18:02Thanks for that taste.
18:07Maureen kicked me out.
18:09She's worried if I don't talk to someone, I'm gonna build a bunker.
18:11But I've already got a bunker!
18:13So this would just be like, what, another bunker?
18:15Are you seeing someone about this?
18:18Yeah, I mean, there's a group.
18:20Deprogramming programming.
18:21We meet every Thursday night in the basement of this vape shop.
18:25And sometimes it's virtual.
18:27Okay.
18:27Basically we all sit in a circle and say the real stuff out loud.
18:33Like, chemtrails might not actually exist.
18:38They don't.
18:38Or the moon landing might have actually happened.
18:43It probably did.
18:44It's been hard, man.
18:45Where have you been staying?
18:46I'm going to park my van outside Bob's hardware.
18:49There's no nighttime security.
18:51Okay.
18:52Sometimes I sleep in my shed or underneath the lunchroom tables.
18:57Are you serious?
18:58The home of the fridge helps me sleep.
19:00Plus just knowing your food's safe in there, you know?
19:02See, I really think you need some time off.
19:05I can't be laid off, you corporate bobblehead!
19:07I got Maureen and the kids to support!
19:08I get it, and I hate this.
19:10But I also have to do my job.
19:12You assaulted Roach today, and you probably fucking poisoned him.
19:15Like, that is not good.
19:16What kind of a fucking idiot chugs-
19:18Homer.
19:19No, you're right.
19:20You're right.
19:21Sorry, I'll just-
19:22But listen, Homer.
19:24That being said, my Wi-Fi's been on the fritz.
19:29So call your cable company.
19:31Nah, I think it's a Homer problem.
19:33My garage has a futon.
19:35I mean, Dewey sleeps out there too.
19:37Hums in his sleep.
19:38It might match the same frequency as the fridge.
19:40You troubleshoot my Wi-Fi network, I'll float you a few bucks.
19:43And as soon as we need manpower, you're back on my crew.
19:50So you got a bunker?
19:51Yeah, but it's mostly just for our winter clothes and Christmas decorations.
20:37Oh shit!
20:44ow oh my god are you fucking kidding me sorry todd is still up no he's not he's living on
20:52the
20:52couch look i made these for you myself what are those they're handcrafted and beautiful
20:58like you i made them out of beer tabs of deer teeth you can call them beerings or
21:06deerings whatever you want ready you really shouldn't be here you don't fucking listen
21:10i listened i just didn't agree
21:21jeannie oh are you on our side now
21:26i do earn thanks blood after you romeo
21:37oh yeah what'd you have nachos close tacos that'll teach you don't ever blackmail me again
21:44i definitely got pink eye in my future it's better than two black eyes coming in
21:50easy does it oh okay watch it
21:55wonder what tart's up to
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