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00:03From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news.
00:10This is The Daily Show with your host, Josh Johnson.
00:28Welcome to The Daily Show.
00:30I'm Josh Johnson.
00:31We've got so much to talk about tonight.
00:33Politicians somehow make podcasts even worse.
00:36Pete Hegseth has a thing for older men.
00:38And Trump declares victory prematurely, so now Iran's got to pretend to finish, too.
00:44So let's get into the latest updates on the war in Iran.
00:50Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen.
00:54The war in Iran is everywhere.
00:56It comes up in financial news because of its effect on oil.
00:59It comes up in celebrity news, like when Chaperone's bodyguard made the Ayatollah cry because he looked at her.
01:07And now the war is even creeping its way into the weather.
01:10Our eyes right now, weather-wise, are in the Middle East because they have an unusual system that's developing.
01:17Going to be bringing heavy rain, possible tornadoes.
01:20They could be looking at some haboobs developing there.
01:30Excuse me, Al, what did you just say?
01:34Haboobs?
01:35Haboobs are developing?
01:43Al, be a professional, all right?
01:45Call them by their scientific name.
01:47Ha-brestuses.
01:52Am I the only one who doesn't know what he's talking about?
01:55And that's your latest weather.
01:57To be clear, I just learned something new.
01:59What exactly is a haboob?
02:04Thank you, Craig Melvin.
02:06Very brave to admit on live TV that you've never seen a haboob,
02:12let alone felt one.
02:15I'm right there with you, brother.
02:17All right, so what is it?
02:19It is a massive dust storm.
02:20If you remember Mission Impossible, Tom Cruise was running after that storm, ahead of that storm,
02:27that's a haboob.
02:29See?
02:30Now I get what you're talking about.
02:32I would understand the news a lot more if they told me what Tom Cruise movie it pertains to.
02:39I need them on the news like what America is doing here is like an impossible mission,
02:43like Tom Cruise in the movie Magnolia.
02:48So now we all understand haboob means sandstorm,
02:52so you can keep your minds out of the gutter.
02:53And just so you know, after the haboob, there will be a bukkake of rain coming in.
02:59These are all weather times.
03:02But okay, aside from this dust storm developing into a voluptuous woman,
03:08how's the war going?
03:09President Trump in the Oval Office yesterday said he's already won the war.
03:14Well, I think we're going to end it.
03:15I can't tell you for sure.
03:19Um, you know, I don't like to say this.
03:21We've won this.
03:22This war has been won.
03:25You don't, you don't like to say you won a war?
03:30Isn't that why you fight a war?
03:33Be proud of yourself, Mr. President.
03:35You ended another war.
03:36And this is the one that you started.
03:40Like, that's like double points, you know?
03:47But you heard the man.
03:49We won this war.
03:49I bet Iran's begging for a ceasefire right now.
03:52Breaking news.
03:53Iran's state-backed media now says Tehran will not accept a ceasefire.
03:57The other Iranian official's quote is that Iran will end the war when it decides to do so, when its
04:02own conditions are bent.
04:03Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:05You can't end the war.
04:07We ended the war, all right?
04:09You trying to start another war?
04:11Because I'll fight you, because I'll fight you and then I'll stop fighting you when I feel like it, because
04:14the war is over.
04:16You heard the president, we're bringing the troops home.
04:19More than 1,000 additional troops from the 82nd Airborne Division are heading to the Middle East.
04:26They'll be joining thousands more Marines, sailors, and other American troops already on their way.
04:31Oh, shit.
04:35We're sending more troops?
04:37That doesn't sound like the war is over.
04:39This is very confusing.
04:40Should I or shouldn't I go to Times Square in my sailor outfit to kiss random women?
04:53Mr. President, I thought we won.
04:55We've won.
04:56Let me tell you, we've won.
04:59Of course we won.
05:00Those troops are obviously going there to help set up for the victory party, you know?
05:05You ever try to set up a bouncy castle with just 1,000 troops?
05:11Now, that's an impossible mission, like Tom Cruise and Jerry Maguire.
05:17And besides, 1,000 troops isn't even that many.
05:20It's actually the lowest thousands of troops you can have.
05:25If this war was really ramping up, the Army would need a lot more people than that, you know?
05:30They'd probably be trying to get new recruits.
05:32The U.S. Army making some changes to try and draw more recruits.
05:36The Army just increased the maximum enlistment age to 42.
05:40That's up from 35.
05:42Oh, shit.
05:45We're letting 42-year-olds sign up for the military now?
05:50They're going to have to change the name from Operation Epic Fury to Operation Why Does My Back Hurt?
05:56I must have slept on it funny.
05:59Because the likelihood of a 42-year-old being great at war is like any person being great with nunchucks.
06:07Some people will be good, but most are going to hurt themselves immediately.
06:13Bruce Lee? Incredible.
06:15My uncle? Concussion.
06:25Are we sure we won?
06:27It's not even a little close.
06:29It's not a close battle.
06:30They're totally defeated.
06:33I don't know what it is about you saying it a third time, but I believe you.
06:36All right?
06:38We've got to be winning this war.
06:39You wouldn't lie non-stop.
06:41You're the president.
06:51Look, according to People Magazine and apparently the U.S. military, 42 is the new 35, right?
06:58And that's probably all the soldiers we're going to need anyway.
07:01Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced an extension to bring back service members who refused the COVID-19 vaccine.
07:08We're extending this to make sure anybody that wants to take advantage of it has additional time to take advantage
07:14of it.
07:14Maybe you were waiting to see whether we meant it or not.
07:16We do.
07:17Oh, shit.
07:20That doesn't sound good.
07:21When the Secretary of Defense is telling you, I know you didn't want to take the COVID shot, but what
07:27about getting gunshot?
07:36So you gave people a deadline to re-enlist and they didn't take it, and now you're still extending the
07:42deadline to get them back.
07:44You were not the one with power.
07:46I've been through this entire thing before.
07:48My ex left me, and I told her she'd be back in a week.
07:52And sure enough, a year later, I got a wedding invitation.
08:06So just to recap, the military is now trying to recruit middle-aged people and anti-vaxxers who don't even
08:12want to come back.
08:15As long as they're not trying to bring in anybody else, maybe we're winning this war.
08:20The Army also changing some regulations to let people enlist without a waiver if they have a single conviction for
08:27possession of marijuana or drug paraphernalia.
08:35We've been at war a month, and you're already down to stoners.
08:46This is like that Harold and Kumar movie, Mission Impossible 4, Ghost Protocol.
08:53We must be desperate, because I've never seen a pothead take a puff and then be like,
08:59I want to somebody up.
09:03I wouldn't even trust a stoner with any mission unless that mission is, you need to locate the Ayatollah and
09:09tell him the greatest movie ever is Interstellar.
09:19I'm starting to think the war isn't won, and if we're still fighting, the Army's recruitment videos are going to
09:25get a lot more desperate.
09:26Great news, America.
09:28The president says we won the war.
09:31And now, for completely unrelated reasons, the U.S. military is lowering its standards,
09:36because we need a f*** ton of troops.
09:39Under 18, we'll take you.
09:41Under 16, you're in.
09:4313 and Jewish, you're a man now.
09:45Mazel tov!
09:46Your grandpa will be so proud, and he'll be right with you,
09:49because we're taking the olds now, too.
09:51Drug conviction?
09:52No problem.
09:53Just be a birth, we'll take you both.
09:56Two lazy eyes?
09:57You can be a pilot.
09:58Why not?
09:59Uncle Sam needs literally anyone.
10:01Disney adults, carnies, Trekkies, Canadians, those grown men who are into My Little Pony.
10:06We'll take you, no questions asked, even though we have tons of questions.
10:11We'll even take stoners.
10:13Whoa.
10:14How can it be middle and east?
10:18So head to your local recruitment center.
10:20In fact, screw it.
10:21Just go straight to that base in Qatar.
10:23And be all you can be.
10:25Or f*** it, just be.
10:27We'll take it.
10:30When we come back, we'll catch up on all the podcasts you're going to want to ignore.
10:33Don't go away.
10:53welcome back to the daily show the midterm elections are just a few months away so to
10:58analyze all the campaign stories we turn to desi ladek in our indecision analyzone
11:09i'm desi ladek let's get into the indecision analyzone wait guys can we um get rid of that hyphen
11:18no sorry the wrong never mind the midterm elections are a few months away and everyone
11:25knows the best way to reach young voters is through social media that's why politicians
11:29like senator joanie ernst are cranking out content and it's going about as well as you think
11:35there is a mcflurry of folks that are rushing to the golden arches to feast on fast food paid for
11:44with food stamps provided by snap it may sound crazy but i'm not mcribbing you
11:54oh joanie joanie joanie don't do that you've lost all your mcdignity your kids are going to stop me
12:02talking to you also nothing says i've definitely been to mcdonald's like pairing the visor with
12:08vintage chanel so relatable but of course aging republicans would struggle with social media
12:15democrats on the other hand also struggle with social media i know i should sleep but the voices
12:21in my head go
12:25sorry i cannot hear you i'm kind of busy
12:32honestly how did you get that wrong that's the lady gaga song that uses real words
12:38but if you watch those cringe fluencers and thought to yourself i wish this was longer than
12:43you're in luck because politicians everywhere are getting into the podcast game take tim burchett
12:48republican congressman and king of the hill character who i'm sure has a podcast that delivers
12:55the gravitas and stature worthy of a u.s congressman welcome back to another episode of tennessee talks
13:02today i'm very much honored to be joining my good friend bobby alloway who owns alloway's hot rod shop
13:12what the bobby alloway the owner of alloway's hot rod shop oh no way birchett can top that
13:22east tennessee native my good buddy randall turkey mcnew turkey thank you brother for being here
13:27well thank you appreciate you so much it's a pleasure having to be a third and we got here
13:33uh tater his boy who's with us
13:38oh my you got turkey and tater
13:43did their boy green bean casserole have a scheduling conflict
13:46what i have so many questions what is going on here okay why is the guy in the suit in
13:53the lawn
13:54chair and tater and turkey are in the high back leather chairs by the way i love the wide shot
13:59the camera guy's like hey you want me to crop out their bare feet no no no no no stay
14:03wide
14:05people come for the tater but they stay for the toes
14:17the republicans aren't the only ones racking up tens of listeners on the internet the democrats have
14:23their own lightning in a bottle andy beshear the governor from my home state of kentucky
14:28make me proud andy hello everybody and welcome to the andy beshear podcast this is our pilot and first
14:36episode to make sure that we provide that real show for you we've made some ground rules we call
14:43them the cast rules number one be authentic you be you boo
14:48oh
14:51oh god you broke the rule while telling us the rule
14:56oh nothing is less authentic than you calling someone boo
15:01that's a word for black women and gay men
15:04in 2011 why can't you just talk like a real human being number two talk like a real human being
15:14yes yes do that show us you can do that now is the time for my kentucky accent where i
15:24talk about
15:24things that are going on that just aren't right or in my accent that just ain't right
15:33new people thought kentucky didn't have robot technology
15:38andy you're the most popular democratic governor in the country people love you i am begging you
15:45end your podcast before people discover your podcast
15:56finally let's move on from someone with no riz to someone with no riz ted cruz
16:05he hosts the most popular podcast by a republican and it's got everything you never wanted
16:10when i was in high school my like first date that i would take girls on was to james coney
16:15island
16:15right and get like chili cheese dogs because i can't stand people who are pretentious and it's
16:21impossible to be pretentious when you've got like cheese dribbling down your shirt
16:28well ted your shirt might have been wet but i promise you your date was not
16:39i mean no girl's gonna go to second base with you when they just watch you go to third base
16:43with
16:43your hot dog but if you thought hearing ted cruz talk was insufferable wait till you hear him sing
16:53a man's got a heart hasn't he joking apart hasn't he can a fellow be a villain all his life
17:03all the trials i now i'm not worried about you have to retire i know what you're gonna do settle
17:08down
17:08and get myself a wife and uh you remember life will cook and sew for you and come for you
17:16and go
17:16for you and go for you and nag at you the finger she will wag at you
17:23thanks for coming in but we're gonna go in a different direction
17:27thank you you can go
17:32i love how his co-host was like okay that was good you can stop now oh there's more there's
17:38more okay
17:38let's settle in i just know karaoke bars put up photos of ted cruz the way grocery stores put up
17:44pictures of shoplifters so look the midterms are only a few months away if you're a politician
17:51looking to reach people and think you need to start a podcast don't please don't just don't
17:57okay go out and connect with voters talk to people and above all don't forget talk like a real human
18:13being
18:13couldn't have said it better myself
18:19thank you desi when we come back for ken murrell to join me on the show don't go away
18:37welcome back to the daily show my guest tonight is a comedian writer and host of
18:42morning with miro on hot night seven and the victory light podcast please welcome the kid miro
19:06hey man thanks for being here thanks thanks for having me yeah you are an absolute like
19:13powerhouse institution of talking in my ear
19:18my kids say that too man really yeah everybody my mother my spouse everybody's like you talk too
19:24much oh i wasn't i wasn't thinking that i'm more just being like enjoy it yeah i love it i
19:29mean i
19:29love it thank you i need to hear that sometimes yeah 100 i'm a i'm a huge fan of it
19:37sometimes i'll
19:37even hope that when i say the thing in my head it sounds like you like when i'm feeling extra
19:42confident i sound like you yeah in my head yeah i'm josh what's good that's perfect that's it
19:52um so i'm wondering with with hot 97 with you taking over the show there are a lot of people
19:58that are saying that it feels like new york radio again you know but what do you think it is
20:03that
20:04you're bringing that makes it like feel re-new yorkified i you know what it is i think growing
20:09up listening to it as a kid you know growing up in the bronx listening to hot 97 every day
20:14you know i'm uh elder millennial you know what i mean this is you know exactly yeah
20:22how about my elder millennials that didn't that it wasn't that you didn't have ipod you had an mp3
20:27player you know what i'm saying and and you know since i didn't have mp3 player money you know
20:32we were listening to the radio which was a cultural you know touchstone and going from
20:36being a kid listening to it in the back of a car doing things as a teenager that my mom
20:42would not
20:42approve of that's why we're not saying it on the air uh to then being the guy on the mic
20:47is crazy
20:49yeah it's like watching superman save somebody and then being like yo superman's like yeah hold
20:52this cape yeah you're the guy now so now knowing what you know do you get on the rail sometimes
20:58like
20:58stop doing that the back seat
21:02i'll leave you a little hidden messages man on the side and i'm like yo stop stop that i'm doing
21:06that
21:06yeah don't call don't talk to your mother like that you know so now in this in this era that
21:12is
21:12is so podcast heavy what is it that you think radio provides for the listener that podcast doesn't
21:20i think podcast is just like it's very vibey you know what i mean it's just like a vibe fest
21:26it's just
21:26like if we just if i just went up there and sat next to one of y'all and was
21:28just like hey what's
21:29up man how you doing what you have for lunch man you know i mean let's talk about it and
21:34it's just
21:34there's kind of like no real structure unless it's victory light baby we got mad structure over there
21:39okay uh but you know it's it's kind of like this where it's like you know you have you know
21:43you have
21:44a meeting there's there's production that goes into it there's more it's structured you know i thought
21:50it was going to be four hours of me just up there being like yo traffic on the fdr's bag
21:55yo here's
21:56yo yo yo here's some new french montana i'm the kid merrill and it's not like that at all actually
22:02podcasting is probably a little bit more exhausting because they're just going straight through
22:06whereas radio you know you got a couple breaks here you know an insane caller that you got to dump
22:11you know you know local law commercials you know things like that top dog law yeah
22:22now do you when you are when you're doing the show are there calls that we haven't heard because
22:28they're so insane can you tell us about bro i had a lady call in and say uh she said
22:35merrill i love
22:37the show man i love the energy that you bring in my name is casey i'm from brooklyn but if
22:42i hear
22:42that mother Kendrick song one more time i swear to god i'm gonna do something crazy i was like no
22:47no no no no no no no i was like no no no wait wait wait what do you mean
22:51by that like you know
22:52when you say something crazy what does that mean are you gonna like mix mayonnaise and ketchup or
22:57are you gonna murder somebody like this you know but yeah no there's been a lot of like and then
23:02also just people that like the earlier it is the weirder it is because like the the 6 a.m.
23:08call is
23:08not like the 9 a.m. call is no that makes sense that makes sense because for them it i
23:14think there's
23:14a reasonable amount of time that a person will stay awake and there's a reasonable amount of time a
23:19person will wake up and i feel like the people who wake up super early it's for three reasons they
23:24either have to they're on that uh made up billionaire schedule there's no way billionaires
23:32are actually like i just don't believe you have all you have all the money in the world you get
23:35up
23:36early you get no that's not true that's crazy that is that is a lie so it's either they they
23:41have
23:41to for their for their shift at their job they're billionaires or they might be psychopaths
23:46yeah it's usually the latter yeah i'm saying if you're calling into hot 97 at 6 a.m. so when
23:52you
23:53so when it's 6 0 2 and you see the call button i'm like y'all pick it up let's
23:58see who it is
23:58hey this is john from brooklyn i'm blind in one eye the weather is terrible
24:09who you vote for in the midterms i'm like yo my man we're on the radio like this is everybody's
24:15hearing this this is not just this is not we're not pen palming do you think it's because you like
24:20bring people in so well that they feel like they're just talking to you even when they're
24:24on the radio i think so man i think so i think honestly like it comes from having strict parents
24:30and having to spin out of trouble you know by being charismatic
24:38so making people feel comfortable enough to tell you you know yeah yeah i smoked crack before i got
24:44here and i'm like wow you did not you did not need to tell me that i was that was
24:48between you
24:48and your provider yeah you know that it's a lot of you just taking sort of open confessions
24:56listen i went to catholic school i was kicked out you know but now i know what the other side
25:01of the
25:01confessional booth feels like yeah yeah and they went to like seminary you were just being yourself
25:06i was just out here yeah i went to the bodega yeah yeah and so with hot 97 being such
25:13an
25:14institution when you come in do you feel like there's a lot of new stuff that you want to do
25:18or do you feel the sort of responsibility to uphold what what people are expecting a little bit of
25:24both you know what i mean because there is you know people like you said like oh you made new
25:28york
25:29sound like radio sound like new york again and i'm like thank you guys but there's also
25:33you know it's new york yeah it's a very eclectic city so you know you got rappers that are you
25:39know
25:39mainstream and then you got some that are not i was trying to just highlight new york as a city
25:44you know what i mean have you know people like designers shot the dayer de jarafa like just
25:48new york city kids because i'm a new york city kid so it feels good to me to kind of
25:52like uplift
25:53other people from the city and like kind of showcase them because there's a lot of talent out here
25:56yeah absolutely you being a new york city kid right and me having made 10 years living in new york
26:12that means you get free health insurance forever oh that's that's good to know yeah yeah i i had a
26:18request station though penn station oh health insurance at penn station from a random guy who's
26:22no health insurance at all you're ensuring you're the opposite of your health i have a special request
26:31i'm 10 years in new york and i've uh never owned tim's before never never yeah never even in this
26:38in this what would they call a bomb cyclone yeah i bought some tim's okay and i'm hoping that you
26:46can
26:46show me how to tie in the new york way yes absolutely 100 right yes okay boom
26:55all right so you see how you have all of these i believe they're called eyelets okay you know what
27:02i mean yep you would think i have to use all of these you don't you know you just go
27:10across the
27:11first row like that okay let's see okay the first row first row all right then you hold it up
27:16make
27:17sure it's even right okay and then you know give me a number from one through four one through four
27:28yeah three three all right so let's go on the third eyelid let's go on the third one okay another
27:37one
27:38turn around okay all right and now so now we're just going to follow that pattern we're going to
27:43skip oh we're just going to skip okay got you wow what if i had said four you know what
27:48i mean
27:50then you know because realistically you're not even supposed to tie these you know what i mean
27:55you're not you're not you're not demoing a house you know what i mean you're just standing in front of
27:58the
27:58building so you know and the tongue has to be very elongated
28:15the less neat it looks the better oh really okay yeah okay one second you're supposed to buy them
28:20tight it's how you show that you're a wealthy person in new york city okay so i buy these one
28:24of these every season and then the tongue is is it true that the tongue's like kind of like you
28:29know
28:30okay you know you know when you feel like when you're like when you're in the back of a uber
28:34you're
28:34real up and you're like you're breathing through your mouth you're like that's what you're that's
28:40what the tongue should look like okay very relaxed got you so the because the uber thing hasn't
28:52happened to me per se but like not yet yeah yeah let me see okay so really really like laid
28:58back
28:59like yeah you know what i'm saying
29:06and this always stays on you would probably think that this comes off it does not it's a badge of
29:10honor okay i mean you could uh you write free whoever you know that's in jail all right
29:17whoever your girlfriend's name you know your dog if i write my girlfriend's name will they think
29:22she's in jail bonus bonus points and also shout out to you because you got actual tims the double
29:30sold tims okay yeah yes this is that is very important you know you don't want to have the
29:35boneless tims out here you know why are they called boneless because they don't have the this is
29:40the bone right here gotcha i mean and then this is just uh breading oh so so if i got
29:47the other
29:48ones they'd be like nuggets yeah they'd be a day it would be a mcdonald's chicken nugget okay
29:53with no sauce oh jeez so dry no cn very dry don't do the single sold tims y'all if
30:00you're here if you
30:01if you came here to watch josh do his thing and you're you know you're on vacation in new york
30:07city
30:07and he said no tim merrill said to buy some tims don't do the single bingles okay get the double
30:12sold all right amazing thank you thank you so much and so when i when i actually step into him
30:23it's okay to just have the tongue out oh i've spoiled people see some mess let people see some
30:28ankle yeah show it off a little bit yeah roll your jeans up a little bit you know so this
30:34is about
30:34showing foot oh yeah okay yeah it's very lucrative yeah i didn't realize that it's very lucrative
30:40there's a lot of money in showing off feet hey listen i am i got five stars on wiki feet
30:45y'all
30:48oh well thank you so much for this this is i got the knowledge now and everything
30:59so you are a powerhouse advocate for covenant house yes of new york and new jersey can you tell
31:06people what covenant house does so covenant house shout out to pam sandonato covenant house is
31:14a charity that works with unhoused youth okay so kids who are on the street you know uh
31:22can't have no place to go essentially you know uh homeless you know really i said unhoused because
31:27that's like the new cool way to say homeless but you know homeless seeds basically and growing up you
31:33know having friends who were in shelters who you know and then being a teacher later on in life you
31:39know um having students who would come in every day and i'm like damn why are you so tired bro
31:44like
31:44why and it's like oh i didn't sleep last night you know i slept in a shelter like or i
31:49slept in a
31:49dangerous situation or i didn't sleep at all so you know that kind of hits home to me so them
31:56helping
31:56kids and teens kind of like get their feet under them get housing get education get food get the
32:04things they need to like you know become productive members of society you know what i mean it's it's
32:10amazing you know so i do whatever i care for you know absolutely anytime whatever they need i got it
32:17yeah thank you so much for coming on thank you so much for being here with me
32:48that's our show for the night now here it is for a moment this is
32:52while many are making their way to their destinations they'll see ice agents walking
32:57around the terminals at newark airport oh they're right there all right they're good to hear the
33:02help they're not bothering nobody as long as they can check my bags and get me on my flight i'm
33:05good to
33:05go right i want to get i want to get to the bahamas i want out of here sorry
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