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The Office US S09E02 Roys Wedding Cut 1 H 264
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00:10The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement.
00:16So instead we're living in filth, but not for long because I have created the chore wheel.
00:23Oh yeah, can I spin first?
00:25Well it doesn't spin, we'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and you see what chore you get
00:32that day.
00:32A wheel is supposed to spin.
00:34Yeah, you know like g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g
00:37-g.
00:37No, I'm familiar with spinning, it's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same
00:42chore.
00:42Buh, boring. All she talks about is chores.
00:45A wheel wants to spin, Pam.
00:49Spinning would be more fun.
00:55okay okay that's what I'm talking about big money big money mug duty yes you clean all the mugs in
01:08the sink this sucks yeah seriously it's like everything on there's work I don't think you
01:14understand why we're doing this it's yeah I don't think that you understand wheels I've been through
01:23several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel we've
01:29got prizes ten bucks candy bar manager for an hour but there are also penalties like no internet Stanley
01:38gets your lunch the one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores but they were right it's
01:43more
01:43fun this way the tiny wheel actually does have chores it's so cute no one seems to mind
02:28Pam we gotta go Cece go back inside grandma's got breakfast okay we are going to Roy's wedding yep
02:38Roy I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiance's wedding on a weekday at 8
02:44am is that it's your wife's ex-fiance thanks mom a banana yeah I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot
02:52dogs oh come on not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding planned a wedding with him he
02:56wanted hot
03:00dogs don't worry oh Pete you've got mail really I got something well it's addressed to customer
03:08service so it's your mail well you know I'm also customer service yeah I'm alternating yay another
03:14person yelling at me well it could be a nice letter I write nice letters to companies all the time
03:19that's really nice wow news week huh this election is crazy right it's open oh yeah I accidentally read
03:30it it's not a nice letter do you think she's quirky and likable in bed it's a carryover
03:46get excited the special projects fairy has arrived I know you don't really exist today I launched my big
03:54charity initiative operation give back Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far but
04:01this one is about charity so I'd like to see him piss on that one
04:13congratulations baby oh thank you hey coconut shrimp
04:19I told you it happened yes you did oh you have arrived sir well thank you thank you Roy and
04:25I used
04:26to work together downstairs in a warehouse he used to be engaged to Pam but then she tossed him aside
04:31like a cold-hearted bitch is what I believed back then now that I work upstairs with Pam I understand
04:38that a the heart wants what it wants and b Roy thinks dinner magically appears on the table
04:46someone has to make that
04:50is this his house I think so mimosa
04:55okay thank you would you like me to take your peel yes thank you
05:10okay
05:14who's that uh my ex-fiance
05:18I started a new business with my college friend but Pam doesn't know um actually I did tell Pam and
05:26we decided no but then I decided yes anyway so I'm thinking there's another conversation coming and it's hard to
05:35know when that will be
05:36with operation give back you pick the charities Dunder Mifflin supports oh boy what's happening there's four thousand dollars to
05:46give away so who has filled out their forms
05:48Stanley American Diabetes Association um you have diabetes Stanley I'm sorry is the assignment to pick a selfish charity like
05:58does Oscar get to fund some gay Mexican thing
06:01Las Feliz Maracas they do very important work for the homo Hispanic community
06:06Si podemos
06:08I uh I would love to give
06:11Heifers International listen to this they give a poor person like a goat or something
06:16it's a great prank
06:18I want to work with uh Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes
06:21Dwight what about you
06:23I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works
06:26uh correction I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling
06:31changes lives
06:33thank you Andy
06:35I'm not doing it for you I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling
06:38Dwight you will be participating
06:41no thank you
06:42participation is mandatory Dwight but you can choose whatever cause you like
06:47fine I choose the Global Relief Foundation
06:50great thank you
06:51which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban
06:54oh for goodness sake Dwight
06:57the Taliban in Afghanistan
07:00the Taliban is the worst
07:04great heroin though
07:05making someone pick a charity by force is more un-American than any militant movement that seeks to destroy our
07:11country
07:11really
07:12really Dwight
07:14Dwight
07:14I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Giveback
07:18well then it looks like there won't be any Operation Giveback
07:21the nanny state is over ladies and gentlemen you're welcome
07:29well there are a lot of charities out there for your charismatic animals your pandas your polar bears you know
07:36the big shots
07:37but what about the more inconspicuous creatures like moths
07:44someday the uh
07:46moths are gonna surprise us all
07:50there he is
07:52is it almost time to cut the pancake or what
07:53ah
07:54yeah
07:55we appreciate everyone coming so early it's
07:58everyone's been so nice
07:59thanks for inviting us by the way
08:00that was
08:01are you kidding
08:01that was a surprise
08:02come on if it wasn't for you
08:04I never would have met Laura
08:05seriously
08:06gotta dodge the bullet on that one
08:07just kidding
08:08you're welcome
08:09thanks
08:10oh
08:11by the way man this place is
08:14beautiful
08:14started a gravel company I mean who knew it would take off
08:18gravel company
08:19yeah
08:19what about you what are you doing
08:20not gravel
08:21obviously
08:23no things are good things are good
08:24got some stuff in the works so
08:26oh
08:26cool
08:27yeah you never know
08:28hey bro
08:28stop wasting time with this haircut
08:31he's got a $50,000 sports car
08:33cheers
08:34okay
08:35we just love Laura
08:37I couldn't imagine a better daughter-in-law
08:40it's great to see Roy so happy
08:42oh he's the happiest he's ever been
08:44how wonderful
08:46Laura's really easy to get along with
08:48and she's loyal
08:50which is what I think Roy needs
08:53nice to see you again Pam
08:56be well
08:58Duncan listen I would love to help you out
09:00but where am I going to find somebody that's pretty smart and well informed
09:03huh
09:03hold on
09:04hold on
09:05Aaron
09:05do you know anybody that might want
09:11oh my gosh
09:13you love the news right
09:15well it depends
09:16I mean
09:17sometimes I find out things that are really sad
09:20well I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer
09:23and I can't tell you his name but
09:24it'd blow your mind
09:25uh
09:26is it Duncan
09:27he's looking for honor talent
09:29and he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape
09:30you mean put me on the news
09:32you'll just come over put on a little lipstick
09:35loosen up with a glass of red wine
09:36and then we'll just run through a few stories
09:38you know a couple different ways with a couple different outfits
09:41it'd be really tasteful
09:42and it'd really help me out with Duncan
09:44with my friend
09:46what do you say
09:47uh
09:48no maybe
09:49okay let me think about it
09:51okay
09:52think it over
09:57sure
09:57the local news
09:59uh touring company of wicked
10:02lingerie football league
10:03uh Guinness book of world records for best orgasm
10:08yeah my friend Duncan is in charge of a lot of stuff
10:11no Clark's not my friend
10:12he is the douche that sits next to me at the office
10:15my friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob
10:17but you don't know them
10:19I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist
10:22but why?
10:23because I happened to answer a help wanted ad to be a receptionist?
10:27I mean
10:27what if the ad had been for a CEO
10:30or for a brain surgeon?
10:32so uh
10:33it was a year ago today that
10:35I met Laura
10:36I thought she was my waitress
10:38and uh
10:39took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place
10:42you are full of surprises
10:44you are my
10:46beautiful mystery girl
10:47and today
10:48I have a surprise for you
10:52you plays piano?
10:54no
10:55Roy?
10:56no
10:57you know how I said I was taking boxing lessons?
10:59actually I was doing this
11:01um
11:02so
11:02I hope that you like it
11:06you got this Roy
11:07come on
11:08come on
11:08come on
11:08come on
11:12she's got a way about her
11:17don't know what it is
11:20but I know that I can't live without her
11:25she's got a way
11:28we still surprise each other
11:30definitely
11:34you know I never did it
11:35but for your 30th birthday
11:36I really wanted to surprise you
11:38courtside seats
11:40sixers
11:40yes
11:42but what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets
11:44we only didn't go because it was
11:46it was an away game
11:47in Phoenix
11:48they should really tell you that more specifically
11:50I mean every game is an away game for one of the teams
11:57do we know everything about each other
11:59no
12:01tell me one thing about you I don't know
12:05um okay
12:12now what was your charity again
12:14something about putting an antique steam engine back on the tracks
12:18nice try
12:19nice try
12:20it was the Taliban
12:20Dwight
12:21are you entirely clear on what you are supporting
12:25Nellie
12:26are you entirely clear on what you are undermining
12:29freedom
12:30under the Taliban Sharia law
12:32drinkers are whipped
12:34thieves have a hand cut off
12:37and the punishment for losing your faith
12:40is death
12:41if they leave your family alive
12:42it's not a real punishment
12:45and the way they treat women
12:48it's bizarre
12:49oh that's a crime
12:50that's terrible
12:51yeah
12:51I feel horrible about that
12:53giving them free motorcycles
12:57wait what
12:57yes that's right
12:59under Taliban rule
13:00every woman gets a new motorcycle
13:02every two years
13:03and a free service
13:05well that's not fair
13:06tell it to the Taliban
13:08and they are first in line
13:10for the space program
13:12women can't be going at
13:13welcome to the Taliban
13:15that is real
13:17oh
13:17well played
13:18I see what you're trying to do
13:19you're trying to get me mad at the Taliban
13:21well
13:22it won't work
13:27oh
13:29here's one
13:29did I ever tell you about the time
13:30that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement
13:33and bought the winning numbers the next day
13:34and then
13:35played the tape for me the next week
13:37and you thought you guys were millionaires
13:39you heard that one
13:39yes
13:40but there's
13:41wait
13:41oh there's a funny ending to that story
13:43I can't remember
13:45that I thought we were millionaires
13:46that you thought you were millionaires
13:47that's funny
13:48shoot
13:49I knew that one
13:50that's alright
13:50the senator and I still have mystery
13:53I'm always waiting to see
13:54what he's going to surprise me with next
14:04you alright?
14:09you support the Taliban abroad
14:10so I assume you're willing to live by their rules here
14:15anything else would be inconsistent
14:16will you join me then in a pledge
14:18to live by Taliban law
14:20in this office?
14:26absolutely I will
14:33I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan
14:35but she used a ridiculous font
14:38huh
14:39you don't have a plan
14:41when you use a ridiculous font
14:43no one thinks you have a plan
14:47looking for this
14:49looking for this
14:50what the
14:53oh this is a lovely pen
14:55and it's mine now
14:56because I stole it
14:58give me that
14:58didn't you sign a contract
15:00to live under Taliban law
15:02and now there's been a theft
15:03that means you're not serious
15:05or
15:07someone's getting their hand cut off
15:09you're insane
15:10I know
15:11so it's better that you pick another charity
15:13oh
15:13and let your precious
15:15operation power grab proceed unchecked
15:17no thank you
15:18in that case
15:19you
15:22will have to chop off my hand
15:29this cleaver appears to need sharpening
15:32I suggest you spend some quality time together
15:35just you and your hand
15:36tie a shoe
15:36toss a salad
15:37do any of the two and activities
15:39that you'll miss the most
15:40I tell you what
15:41I need to make three calls
15:43and then after that
15:45you can become a person
15:47who chops off people's hands
15:49sounds like a plan
15:52Clark wants to film you
15:54in different outfits
15:55inside his apartment
15:56yeah
15:57Clark
15:58you and I need to have a little chat
16:02what clothes does Aaron need
16:03for this news audition
16:08a couple of button downs
16:10a camisole
16:12a blazer
16:13a pencil skirt
16:14stilettos
16:15maybe
16:15no not maybe
16:17definitely open toed
16:18something low cut
16:20because the camera
16:20makes everything seem higher cut
16:22really
16:23yeah
16:23industry secret
16:24you're going to want
16:25some of those pantyhose
16:26with the seam up the bag
16:27seems unnecessary for an audition
16:29and then
16:29you know
16:30maybe just a robe to wear
16:31in between takes
16:32but I probably got one
16:33that she could borrow
16:33at my place so
16:34thank god someone here
16:35knows what they're talking about
16:36I want you to take this credit card
16:38take Aaron to the mall
16:39and get that stuff
16:42I absolutely will do that
16:43dating a news anchor
16:44is like my fantasy
16:46I've often wished
16:47I was a girl
16:48so I could date
16:48Anderson Cooper
16:51awesome
16:52plop
16:56guess I'll just
16:57head over to the mall then
17:00buy Aaron some
17:01some sexy fun outfits
17:03maybe there are bigger things
17:05out there for me
17:06than receptionists
17:06and I owe it all to Clark
17:09who I thought at first
17:10was a little sleazy
17:11but I now realize
17:12is just
17:13one of those people
17:14who stares at your chest
17:15to know what's in your heart
17:17his words not mine
17:19that Clark huh
17:23next question
17:24for our oldie weds
17:25what is the craziest place
17:26you ever made whoopee
17:27language
17:28who was Pam's
17:29first celebrity crush
17:30oh good
17:31Pam's first
17:32celebrity crush
17:34John Stamos
17:35ready
17:36uh huh
17:36John Stamos
17:38oh
17:38yes
17:38John Stamos was temporary
17:40I quickly moved on
17:41to Johnny Depp
17:48I was having a separate
17:50conversation with
17:51Kevin
17:54uh
17:54Johnny Depp
17:56totally
17:56George Clooney
17:58mhm
17:58okay I have one
18:00I have one
18:01what is the craziest place
18:03you ever made whoopee
18:05Kevin stop it
18:06with that question
18:07right
18:09and did you show them
18:10the market yet
18:11and what'd they say
18:14that's awesome
18:16that
18:17oh my god
18:18wow
18:19it's not even real yet
18:20and I'm not gonna tell her
18:22until it's real
18:23your mom
18:24I think maybe
18:25there actually is
18:26something I don't know
18:27about Jim
18:32go ahead
18:34everyone
18:34we have a voluntary
18:36meeting in the conference
18:37room to discuss
18:37Erin's
18:38confidence
18:39her body
18:40we're gonna talk about
18:40her body
18:41good
18:41great job
18:42Andy made me his
18:43conciliary
18:44which means
18:44assistant regional manager
18:45I guess he thought
18:46I'd be into the godfather
18:47because I'm black
18:51wrong
18:52I'm into the godfather
18:53because I'm a cinephile
18:55I like Scarface
18:56because I'm black
18:57Erin has an audition
18:59to be a newscaster
19:00wow
19:01yeah
19:02uh-huh
19:03congratulations
19:04yeah
19:04and I want her to feel
19:07very comfortable
19:08in her very sexy skin
19:09so everybody say
19:10something that you like
19:12about her body
19:13alright
19:13I'll go first
19:14Darryl
19:15I thought you were gonna
19:16go first
19:17I just went first
19:18by calling on you
19:18okay
19:19um
19:20I like Erin's hair
19:22it was a very pretty color
19:23yeah right
19:24nice shoulders
19:25incredible posture
19:26look at these hips
19:28who likes these hips
19:29raise your hand
19:30I'm sorry
19:31this is for a news audition
19:32yeah
19:33why are we talking
19:34about her looks
19:35why not
19:36her credibility
19:37or her reliability
19:38they don't exist anymore
19:40Oscar
19:40not since Mary Hart
19:42left entertainment tonight
19:43news flash
19:44everyone
19:44the human race
19:46finds attractive people
19:47more trustworthy
19:48so sorry Andy
19:48but for 20 years
19:49the most trusted man
19:50in America
19:50Walter Cronkite
19:52Cronkite was hot
19:53if I could go back in time
19:54I'd take that mustache right
19:55does Erin have any experience
19:57has she taken any
19:58journalism classes maybe
19:59or
20:00has she done the pageant circuit
20:01no I watched the news
20:03she's gonna be amazing
20:04look at her
20:05she's gonna light up the screen
20:06does she even want to do it
20:07of course she wants to do it
20:08she answers phones
20:09well that's not fair Angela
20:11some people don't aspire
20:12for anything higher
20:13and that's just fine for her
20:14hey
20:15hey
20:16over here
20:17yes
20:18I want to do it
20:19I really want to do it
20:21I know that you guys
20:22have probably been offered
20:23news anchor jobs
20:24every week of your lives
20:25but this is a first for me
20:27and I don't get a lot of chances
20:28so I have to take them
20:29really seriously
20:31I will do whatever it takes
20:32to get the job
20:34whatever it takes
20:35yeah I know
20:35I heard
20:36I heard
20:47but I'm really bad
20:48at public speaking
20:49don't think of it
20:50as public speaking
20:51think of it as music
20:53the news is music
20:54you sing it
21:03good good good
21:05good good
21:06okay now pause
21:07and bring it home
21:08big finish
21:13wow
21:14thank you for that news
21:16that was some very important information
21:18you just told me
21:20my mom
21:22you're welcome
21:27this is it
21:28you want to give your hand
21:29one last round of applause
21:32any questions
21:33is it going to be long
21:34no
21:35it's going to be
21:36over before you know it
21:41Afghan president
21:42Hamid Karzai
21:43declared a new policy
21:45of dollar days
21:46throughout the country
21:46promising low
21:48low prices
21:49on all 2012
21:50Kia Sentras
21:51and Sonatas
21:52aren't you glad
21:53you waited
21:54Karzai commented
21:55um
21:55where did you get that story
21:58a little bit here
21:59a little bit there
22:00I bet you didn't think
22:01I knew current events
22:03I love it
22:04it's fantastic
22:05now tag it with your name
22:07for channel 11 news
22:09I'm Erin Hannon
22:10pause after news
22:12for channel 11 news
22:14I'm Erin Hannon
22:15no pause longer
22:16that was a good one
22:18pause pause longer
22:19okay build suspense
22:21don't be shy
22:21got it
22:24for channel 11 news
22:36I'm Erin Hannon
22:37okay all right
22:38great
22:40some great stuff
22:41in there
22:42so she's coming over
22:43at 11
22:44because I told her
22:45it's for the 11 o'clock
22:46news
22:46I mean you think
22:47I can get her in the shower
22:48for reporting in the rain
22:52oh come on
22:53I'm kidding
22:54I don't know
22:57I don't know
22:57I feel like you would also
22:58say you're kidding
22:59when you're most not kidding
23:01yeah
23:02sometimes I don't know myself
23:04right
23:07I can feel you looking at me
23:09okay
23:10well here's something
23:11you don't know
23:13a couple of weeks ago
23:15I ran into this guy
23:16from my high school
23:17who has just gotten divorced
23:20and he hit on me
23:21in the mall
23:22and I didn't tell you
23:23because
23:24I don't know
23:25I felt embarrassed
23:26and I didn't know
23:27if you'd be mad
23:28or worried
23:29but anyway
23:29I thought you'd want to know
23:33that didn't happen
23:35you would have told me
23:36right away
23:36yeah I would have
23:38what about you
23:40come on
23:40there's got to be something
23:42between your birth
23:43and the last two days
23:45something
23:45you just haven't had
23:46the chance to tell me
23:55God give it up
23:56Beasley
23:56you know me too well
24:19you okay?
24:22yeah I'm fine
24:24good
24:26yeah
24:27oh it's nothing
24:28I just
24:29allergies
24:33Pam has allergies
24:37that's something
24:38I did not know
24:38about her
24:42hey
24:42um
24:44I knew something
24:45bothered me
24:45and I finally
24:46figured it out
24:47what news producers
24:48are going to want to see
24:49is how Aaron relates
24:50to the other people
24:50on the news team
24:51oh
24:52the weird thing
24:53is Aaron is doing
24:54the audition alone
24:55oh god
24:56now I'd say
24:56Clark could be your co-host
24:59he's already doing camera
25:01someone who's already
25:01got rapport with Aaron
25:02maybe
25:04I don't know
25:06ah
25:08this is for real
25:09this time
25:09ah
25:11it's getting late
25:12I thought you guys
25:13could use a little
25:14inspiration
25:17oh a movie
25:19what is this
25:20127 hours
25:21it's about this guy
25:22no no no
25:23no spoilers
25:23please
25:24my bad
25:26goodnight
25:27goodnight
25:27for the record
25:30I like knowing
25:31everything about you
25:32it's nice
25:33totally agree
25:34we know each other
25:35inside and out
25:36no surprises
25:49we got the funding
25:51so
25:54now
25:54now it's real
25:59hey
26:00hey
26:01everybody
26:02yeah
26:04come in
26:05alright
26:06come on in
26:06nice
26:08what are you doing here
26:09sorry man
26:11Eddie thought Aaron
26:12needed a co-anchor
26:13I'm his makeup guy
26:14my hands are tied
26:17the victim was released
26:18from the hospital
26:19with second degree burns
26:21wow
26:22you know what they say
26:23Aaron
26:23if you can't take the heat
26:24get out of the kitchen
26:27well he tried to
26:28but the fire door
26:29was blocked
26:30he sure did
26:30alright
26:31we got that
26:32that's a wrap everybody
26:33ah
26:33you sure Clark
26:34yep
26:35she's done
26:36no I just
26:37I don't mean for Aaron
26:38I mean for me
26:38I didn't feel
26:39good about that
26:41no no we got it
26:42we got it
26:43great
26:43let's get some food
26:44I'm starving
26:45I don't think we did get it
26:47I could do a couple more takes
26:49we could do it in close up
26:50that might even be better for editing
26:53okay I don't
26:56all right
26:57I'm hungry
27:00Pete you want to take Aaron
27:01to get a burger or something
27:02yeah whatever you say
27:03I'll call you later
27:07so this is a single
27:09hey even if this doesn't work out for me
27:11I'm just glad I had the guts to do it
27:14and maybe it'll work out for Andy
27:22oh that is absolutely revolting
27:25yeah
27:26he is so good though
27:28yes
27:28the way he just cuts off his arm
27:30if you like James Franco
27:32we really should watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes
27:34well he's a genius you know
27:35he was in graduate programs at Yale
27:38Columbia and NYU all at the same time
27:40whoop-de-doo that doesn't make you a genius
27:42well it doesn't make you stupid
27:44well yeah it does actually makes you real stupid
27:46oh stupid like you
27:47no like you
27:48like you
27:48you're the stupid one
27:49you're the stupid one
27:51you
27:51you
27:52you
27:52you
27:52you
27:53you
27:53you
27:53you
27:53you
27:53you
28:27you
28:28you
28:28you
28:28you
28:29you
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