- 10 hours ago
Crookhaven S01E02 (2026)
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TVTranscript
00:21You're catching me up, Sue, your sister?
00:22What if I don't want to catch you up?
00:24What if I want a different life, you know, a normal life?
00:27Don't let Baba hear you say that.
00:29All the ones go to Crookhaven.
00:30And it's our destiny.
00:33No!
00:34It may be your destiny, Sian, but it's not mine!
00:55There's a storm coming.
00:58A storm you can't escape.
01:01And you only have yourself to blame.
01:05Along with this.
01:09I need to know how these got past security.
01:13And whose voice it is.
01:16We know whose voice it is.
01:19Help the planet by reusing everything except escape routes.
01:23Could the sentient Penelope really hit it off?
01:27Oh yeah.
01:28Thick as thieves.
01:33I got a question.
01:35The Crooked Cup.
01:37What's the big deal?
01:38It's not about the cup.
01:41At the end of the year, half the Crooked Network come to watch the trials.
01:45Like our sports day.
01:47All of them looking for talent.
01:52Hey, master!
01:53What the fuck, man?
01:54You didn't wake us up.
01:55Could've missed breakfast.
01:57First one up, wakes up the others.
01:59That's just room yet to go.
02:00It's not a thing.
02:01Of course it's a thing.
02:02What, you've never had to share a room before?
02:05Should we go sit with Amira?
02:08I mean, she did save my life when that dingus tried to kill me.
02:15She's still a legacy.
02:20The thing about retaliation, Dorian.
02:23You can't rush it.
02:24It looks like weakness.
02:27I have to study Avery.
02:29Find his weak points.
02:31And then utterly humiliate him.
02:35Who's that?
02:42You weren't here last night.
02:43I know.
02:45I was crazy late.
02:46Helped up at the airport.
02:48Dad brought the wrong date passport.
02:50So cringe.
02:51You're a legacy.
02:52Nikki Harkness?
02:53You want two?
02:55I'm Penelope Lockett.
02:56You're Penelope?
02:58Oh, we're going to be BFFs.
03:00I already decided.
03:01Doubt that.
03:02...cooklings to the main stairs from urgent briefing.
03:06No dintering.
03:08You must have shared a room with someone.
03:10What about a sleepover?
03:11You do, like...
03:13...have friends.
03:15Yeah.
03:18We drown a lot.
03:19Why do you always got to be so secretive?
03:21We're just getting to know each other, you know?
03:23Like...
03:24...friends do.
03:25Yeah, but no offence.
03:27I'm not here to make friends.
03:29I'm here to win.
03:31Order please, Crooklings.
03:35Following his ingenious performance at the Crooked Oak.
03:39This arrow has Gabriel Avery's name on it.
03:43Gabriel Avery is currently Most Wanted Crookling with five points.
03:50Only because you cheated at the Crooked Oak.
03:52Should have been disqualified.
03:53I know.
03:55Shock him.
03:56If I was you, I'd complain to Ed Maslow.
03:59Edgar should be on minus five points for trying to kebab me.
04:02Which puts the rest of you on.
04:04Hold on.
04:05Let me do the math.
04:07Null point.
04:09But this is Crookhaven, my friends.
04:11Everything can change in a heartbeat.
04:14Today, the hard work begins.
04:18We'll break you in.
04:20Gently.
04:21And what better way to break you in...
04:23...than with your first break-in.
04:26So cute.
04:28Mr Sisman.
04:32This will show us what we've got to work with.
04:35Not much.
04:37Appearances are anything to go by.
04:39Shouldn't judge a crook by its cover, but I'm very rarely wrong.
04:43Come on then.
04:44Follow me, look lively.
04:47Enjoy your five minutes of fame, Avery.
04:50Five minutes?
04:51Seems generous.
04:54You're just bitter I won the archery.
04:56Jealousy's not a good look, guys.
04:58Not when you're outclassed.
04:59Outclassed?
05:00Do you know who you're talking to?
05:03And you?
05:05You're a pickpocket.
05:07A one-trick pony.
05:09A cheat who has no respect for the school.
05:12You didn't even want your place here.
05:14I don't know what your deal is, Avery,
05:16but trust me when I tell you sooner or later you're gonna be found out.
05:22Would you ever stole Mr Khan's car report to the Headmaster
05:26so they can collect six crooked points?
05:30Gabriel.
05:33Listen, don't let the legacies bait you, huh?
05:41You and I know that picking pockets?
05:44Now that is the purest of the crooked acts, huh?
05:52I've heard a lot about you, Gabriel.
05:55You're, um...
05:56You're not what I was expecting.
05:58In a good way though, right?
06:00Ah.
06:03I would keep this, uh...
06:06This Eden, if I were you.
06:10There's a lot of light fingers about.
06:17Hm?
06:19Now go catch up with the others.
06:21It's possible, please.
06:22It's recording.
06:25What you're looking at here is Marivelle's Tower.
06:29Built in 1848, first as a lookout point and a strong room.
06:34It is now your training house.
06:36And it has been kitted out with an ever-changing array of security devices
06:41cooked up by my no-good self and the twisted mind of Miss Jericho.
06:47Somewhere inside there is a locked room.
06:51Inside that room is a priceless copy of the Crimina Carter,
06:56owned by Mr. Caspian Lockett himself,
06:59in which our founder, Ezekiel, set out the code of honour
07:03which binds us together to this very day.
07:07We have half-inched it for Mr. Lockett.
07:11Your task is to nick it back.
07:13A book? Snoresville?
07:17The first person to return the book to Mr. Lockett
07:21will earn themselves seven crooked points.
07:24But, and it is a very big but,
07:29for every failed attempt you will lose seven points.
07:34Now, in the spirit of friendly rivalry,
07:37this week's winner will earn themselves a feast of their choice
07:41for their fellow merits or legacies.
07:44And just to keep things a little bit spicy,
07:46we losers will be on gardening duty for one week,
07:50shoveling manure onto my begonias.
07:54Look forward to catching you lot, red-handed.
07:57You have until the end of the week.
07:59Right, back to classes.
08:03Bring it.
08:06Miss, I gotta say, my bro and I, we're done with cyber intrusion,
08:10but we're not...
08:12Escapologists.
08:13Locks are the key to everything.
08:17Some of you may know how to pick locks,
08:21some will not.
08:23So, let's sort wheat from chaff.
08:36The perfect crook has a range of skills.
08:40It's not enough to be a...
08:41A one trick pony.
08:43Only those who can master them all
08:46will ascend to the top tier.
08:49Top tier of what?
08:52There are three tiers of crooks.
08:56Tier three.
08:58Your commoner garden.
09:00Like pickpockets?
09:02Miss Jericho.
09:03Got anything harder?
09:06Oh, bravo, Jer.
09:07Seventeen seconds.
09:09An excellent start.
09:12And then we have tier two.
09:15The most famous crooks who ever lived.
09:19Done, Miss Jericho.
09:20No way.
09:21He must be cheating.
09:22We know he's got form, but...
09:24You want my help? Just ask.
09:26Twenty-one seconds, Gabriel.
09:29Very respectable.
09:31And then we have tier one.
09:35The greatest crooks who ever lived.
09:39What about tier four, Miss Jericho?
09:40We needn't concern ourselves with them.
09:43Strictly speaking, I don't consider them crooks.
09:46You mean those who turn to the dark side?
09:49Like...
09:50They're nameless.
09:55What's the nameless?
09:56Mention that word again, Mr. Delacoum, and I will fine you twenty crooked points.
10:11Criminastics!
10:13Is it a sport?
10:15Is it a martial art?
10:17Is it an endurance test?
10:20Yeah, yeah, and yeah!
10:22Will it help you avoid capture?
10:25Definitely.
10:27Might as well go straight to the hospital now.
10:29Skip the middle part.
10:31Now, before I let you loose in the criminasium, you must first master the fundamentals.
10:35There are five core moves in criminastics.
10:39Anyone?
10:39The spring.
10:40The hook.
10:41The drop.
10:42The bounce.
10:43The tumble.
10:44Correct.
10:45We shall start with the spring.
10:47I shall demonstrate.
11:02Slay.
11:03Your turn.
11:05Disappointing.
11:06Tragic.
11:08Feeble.
11:09Feeble.
11:10Feeble.
11:10Feeble.
11:11Feeble.
11:11Feeble.
11:11Feeble.
11:11Feeble.
11:11Feeble.
11:11Feeble.
11:14Feeble.
11:14Feeble.
11:15Ah, well!
11:16At least one of you has talent.
11:18She's nothing special.
11:19Shouldn't even be here.
11:20Why don't you leave her alone?
11:22Stay out of it, Avery.
11:24You don't understand.
11:37our blood on their hands and they'll burn this place to the ground if they can again that's her
11:43brother no you already made your point when you painted his name in red that slander then why is
11:52there red paint on his hand i no longer have a brother and i don't need some merit to fight
12:04my
12:13corner why don't you defend a mirror i wasn't defending her i was standing up to edgar same
12:17difference i don't care about a mirror you saw the thanks i got maybe i just don't let people
12:22getting picked on right meaning what i don't trust a mirror and i don't trust someone who sticks up
12:29for her especially when that someone cheated me out you need to get over it no i can't figure out
12:34why they picked you that's what i can't figure out why you're so obsessed with me because you're not
12:39one of us you don't belong here just because i'm a bad teacher's daughter i've got as much right to
12:46be here as anyone you don't honestly believe that do you
12:53you legacies are all the same stuck up entitled i'd rather be a merit any day of the week
13:00twice and something i've lived here my whole life i've seen plenty of merits come and go
13:06but unlike you who are you why are you here same reason as you to be the best crook i
13:12can you and i
13:13have nothing in common and you'll never be a good crook you have no chance in hell of winning this
13:19breaking literally zero
13:26this is the longest i've gone without a screen in my life
13:33never realized how creepy silence was till now
13:38yo game star
13:41what would you choose for the feast if you win it
13:43oh let's be real it's gonna be a legacy
13:45it's not gonna be a legacy oh easy man just saying i'd rather eat broken glass and let
13:52edgo or penelope win yeah sure i i mean i don't want that either but if i had to bet
13:59on it it's not gonna happen
14:00the moment i got my lock picking down i'm gonna head straight to that safe house
14:07i was about to floss when when i heard someone coming so i hid why'd you head
14:10i don't know i panicked anyway um edgar and dorian came in and i overheard edgar saying
14:17i've made up my mind that's a terrible impression not the point go on bro we need to do the
14:24breaking
14:24today before anyone else beats us to it especially avery guess you need to go now like now now like
14:33right now what you still got five days gameski if you fail you could lose seven points and i'll fail
14:57i've done all yours i've denied a chance existence tried so hard to prove on one of them
15:02a legacy but it's no good i don't belong here let me come home baba please
15:14we check every single letter and parcel that comes in here for explosives poison whatever and there was
15:22nothing that would raise the alarm the tape recorder well that seemed harmless enough
15:30the only dna we found belonged to a postman he used the voice modulator to disguise his voice
15:36but i used a few tricks of my own to reverse it there's a storm coming a storm you can't
15:44escape and
15:45you only have yourself to blame i ran a voice print to analyze the frequencies and it's uh it's a
15:5299
15:52percent match the leopard what has caspian started
16:10i expect to see my daughter's name at the top
16:15not with the zero point brigade i would be if you hadn't let avery cheat at the crooked oak
16:19cheating is not forbidden only cheating friends which i can confidently say you and he are not
16:28why is avery even here what merit why else what merit picking pockets cheating since he's currently
16:36beating you i wouldn't cast aspersions i hope to see you remedy the situation
16:44so
17:10pick up
17:18Oh dearie me, 8.3 seconds, it would appear we've got a new record.
17:32Didn't even get within 8 feet of the safe house Miss J, fell for an old school tripwire.
17:38Didn't think anybody would make such a basic arrow.
17:40I suppose we should respect you for trying, but I'm not inclined to.
17:48Do you think we could maybe keep this to ourselves?
17:54You have my word as a crook.
18:08Clause 21 of the Criminal Carter.
18:11Never take a crook at his word.
18:13So, as of now all of you are still on zero points, but Gabriel crashes from the top to the
18:21bottom with a new score of minus 2.
18:24As I will explain, Avery made a total of 13 errors during his disastrous attempt.
18:33His most catastrophic error was ignoring the first stage of a break-in.
18:40Casing the joint. Stage 2. Infiltration. Stage 3. The theft itself. And stage 4. The getaway.
18:50I can't believe you fell for it. Good one, Edgar. You know, legacies know you never go first.
18:55For infiltration, the hook is the perfect way to avoid any ground-level deterrents such as tripwires.
19:03So you might want to pay special attention, Gabriel.
19:06The CCTV footage was epic. We'll make a sick meme, actually.
19:09You're a sick meme.
19:11That doesn't even make sense.
19:15As Penelope will demonstrate with the hook, you keep your legs a hibbit apart.
19:22Brace and focus on a clear and rigid ledge.
19:31Once you have purchased, you must use your deltoids to ascend.
19:45This is a beautiful form. Watch and learn, kuklings.
19:53Nicky Halfness. Your turn.
19:59I've been thinking. And I hate to admit it, but well, Avery's right.
20:06I've been out of line. Us, legacies, need to stick together.
20:13Right?
20:15Right.
20:26Nine, nine, nine!
20:28This is not how you do the hook.
20:32Gabriel Avery.
20:35Your turn.
20:36Come on.
20:37What are you waiting for?
20:38Sawyer a legacy?
20:41I know.
20:42I'm an embarrassment.
20:44No.
20:45Avery's break-in.
20:47That was an embarrassment.
20:58I have no words.
21:00Nice try, Avery.
21:01Some of us have it.
21:03Some of us don't.
21:07Nine, nine, nine!
21:08Avery, stop.
21:09You doubt yourself.
21:12This is fatal.
21:13If you don't believe you can, then you can't.
21:31So when are you gonna do it?
21:34The whole point is, you don't tell anyone.
21:37It's a game of chicken.
21:39Go too soon, like Avery, and you embarrass yourself.
21:45Don't wait too long, and someone else might beat you to it.
21:50Well aware, Nikki.
21:59All right, dudes.
22:00I'm done waiting.
22:01Wait a bit longer.
22:02I have to win.
22:04I'm on minus two right now.
22:05I hear ya.
22:07But I can't rest in that sneak-weasel take the prize.
22:32Boom.
22:45Just so you get the prize.
22:48As you saw, Gia got off to a very promising start.
22:52Made light work on the front locks.
22:53Good effort, good work, but...
22:56She came a cropper because we had set a cheeky little booby trap.
22:59which means most of you are still on zero points apart from Gia sorry to say that
23:05your fail has put you down the bottom of Gabriel on yikes minus seven three days
23:13left crooklings and only two of you have even attempted the break-in so you'd
23:20better hurry up you follow me why would I follow you study in the break-in just same as you
23:39yeah that makes sense why'd you stand up for me before with Edgar because he does my head in
23:49don't worry next time I stay well out of it you've got to understand I'm a legacy oh yeah I
23:57get it
24:01yeah yeah I am it's my destiny to be a crook don't buy destiny what's the point if we can't
24:09know make
24:11our choices live our own lives might as well just give up who chose this you could have had a
24:19normal
24:19life you can't you'd be it if it was up to you course I would crookhaven's a privilege
24:36ah you've got that look same one you had when you disowned your brother like you're hiding something
24:43this this is crookhaven everyone's hiding something
24:56if no one finds a way in they'll hit the roof you will lock it
25:15it's been seven minutes you'd be cuffed in the back of a band by now
25:18I think you're ready to try the break-in
25:26you don't know how much that means
25:33get Harry in the coal mine clever
25:38just looking up with a new girl
25:40listen we know you want to win but we need this feast before we die of malmourishment
25:46so we've come up with a plan we were gonna hack the alarm but we don't have a computer
25:50or a tablet or even a phone so we're gonna rock it on
25:54we're gonna disrupt the power circuit gonna be a miracle on that ton of rice
26:00get in my belly
26:02oh for pity's sake sometimes you just have to smash the stupid window
26:11oh for pity's sake
26:34oh for pity's sake
26:39Focus on the task at hand, Addy.
26:42We've already got the power.
26:43No power.
26:47No alarm.
26:49I'm sweating.
26:50What is it?
26:50Fine.
26:52I'd go Jenny and ice cream.
26:54Bro, it's a banquet, not a kid party.
26:57It's what I want.
26:58Oh, God.
27:16So, what a catalogue of epic fails.
27:21Addy and Eddie, you spent so long chatting about, what was it, jelly and ice cream, that you
27:28stepped straight onto our hidden footplate.
27:31Nicky tried to calm the 30-foot wall with a six-foot ladder.
27:36Idiotic.
27:37And Dorian, you learnt what happens when you throw a small hammer at reinforced glass.
27:44This isn't a game.
27:46It's training.
27:48And sooner than you think, you will be breaking in for real.
27:52But you will have an enemy considerably more dangerous than me or Mr. Sisman to contend with.
27:58You have until midnight tonight.
28:01Seven points to win.
28:11Dismissed.
28:14Can't imagine you'd be stupid enough to try again.
28:17After that, humiliation.
28:19At least I gave it a go.
28:22Haven't just been pressing it all.
28:23It's called strategy.
28:25Or it's called being scared.
28:27Why would I be scared?
28:34Reminder.
28:35Running in the corridors is not permitted.
28:37Except during escape drills.
28:41Yes.
28:41Yes.
28:41Yes.
28:42Yes.
28:42Yes.
28:46Yes.
28:47Yes.
28:48Yes.
28:48Yes.
28:48Yes.
28:48Yes.
28:51Yes.
28:54Yes.
28:55Yes.
29:06Yes.
29:12Yes.
29:14Yes.
29:17Yes.
29:18Yes.
29:18Yes.
29:18Yes.
29:19Yes.
29:20Yes.
29:20Yes.
29:20Yes.
29:21Yes.
29:21Yes.
29:21Yes.
29:33So, hear me out. It pains me to say it, but I've looked at all the angles, and the only
29:36way we're going to win this thing is if we work together.
29:40Knew you'd see sense in the end.
29:44What do you say, Amira? Legacy squad?
29:52So, Penelope, Edgar, and Amira.
29:55I know. Like a loser legacy supergroup.
29:58How can I win against the three of them? I mean, they're legacies.
30:02Come on. Come on, Gabestar. Where's your...
30:10Your resolve, tenacity, indefatigability? Yeah!
30:16Whatever you said, we need that feast, man.
30:18We need to kick Edgar's butt.
30:20We can show you how to disable the alarm.
30:22I can show you how to pick the lock in nine seconds.
30:25Why'd you guys help me?
30:26Because you're good vibes, Gabriel.
30:28Even if you don't want to be our friend, that's cool.
30:31We'd rather see you win than anyone else.
30:34Thanks, guys.
30:37What's that?
31:01Who's been doing my stuff?
31:04We haven't.
31:06Oh, I know how I left it.
31:08Have you got, like, a photographic memory or something?
31:12Imagine if you did.
31:13That would be sick, man. Like an ultimate skill in an RPG.
31:16The whole, the whole game changed.
31:17Do you know what?
31:19I don't need your help.
31:21I'll go it alone.
31:24You always told me, trust no one, but you.
31:28That's against the world, right?
31:29Come on.
31:30I never meant for you to be alone.
31:33I was just trying to keep you safe.
31:36Yeah, but alone is safe.
31:38The moment you lower your guard, trust someone.
31:41No, love.
31:42Alone is lonely.
31:44What's happened?
31:47Penelope was right.
31:50I'm one-trick pony.
31:52I don't belong here.
31:53I'm never going to be one of them.
31:54Well, I don't know who this Penelope is, but I'd like a word.
31:57No one's allowed to be that rude to you except me.
31:59She's the worst.
32:00Then ignore her.
32:02She doesn't know you like I do.
32:04All I know is that you've been given a second chance at St. Jude's.
32:08A chance to get back on the straight and narrow.
32:10So, if you give up now and come on with your tail between your legs,
32:13I'll never forgive you.
32:17You've got, like, a photographic memory or something.
32:19Imagine if you did.
32:21That would be sick, man.
32:22Like an ultimate lemon hobby.
32:30The hook is a perfect way to avoid any ground-levely turrets such as tripwires.
32:35If no one finds a way in them, hit the roof.
32:38Hit the roof.
33:01Two minutes twenty-four to their back.
33:12If you don't believe you can, then you can't.
33:38What is it?
33:39You can free my ankles.
33:51Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
33:53You'll have to go in without me.
33:56Come on.
34:06Be fast.
34:07I'll be right behind you.
34:10You can trust me, Amira.
34:13We're legacies.
34:20Sometimes you just have to smash the stupid window.
34:53One last thing.
34:57Ishan's a traitor.
34:59I need to hear you say it.
35:01You know you can trust me, but I need to know once and for all I can trust you.
35:13He's twice the man you'll ever be.
35:18I want it to be wrong.
35:24Give it up, Avery.
35:26Know when you're outclassed.
35:32No!
35:35No!
35:38No!
35:38No!
35:41No!
35:48No!
35:49No!
35:50No!
35:51No!
36:02What? No.
36:13Penelope.
36:22I was this close to winning.
36:23Why would you trust Edgar?
36:25He tried to shoot Zia with an arrow.
36:27Kind of a red flag.
36:28No.
36:28You didn't have to help me.
36:29Yeah, because I was going to let you fall off a roof.
36:32You're welcome, by the way.
36:34See, there he is.
36:36You act like you're this big, tough guy.
36:37I don't care about anyone, but it's all for show.
36:40I see you.
36:41You're just like a shan.
36:49That's why you tipped me off.
36:52Hit the roof.
36:55You're the only person that's stuck up for me since I got here.
36:58How else was I supposed to thank you?
37:02I'm here to prove I can be the perfect legacy.
37:06If Sean didn't join them, I know it.
37:11They kidnapped him.
37:12The Nameless.
37:15Why are you telling me this?
37:17Something tells me I can trust you.
37:19Same.
37:22I only wish.
37:23I don't know.
37:48I only wish you could have found the solution without cheating.
37:54A secret door isn't cheating, it's using what's there.
37:58Stealing the plans, working with the crew.
38:01I wasn't working with them. It's a classic double-cross. You've taught me since birth to cheat and steal.
38:07Not from this, Obris!
38:14Need I remind you that I am not just your father.
38:18I am the headmaster. The head of the Crooked Complex.
38:24I thought you'd be proud of me.
38:25There are things in here that you cannot know about.
38:28I'm not a child anymore, Dad! When you were my age, you were breaking into Russian bank vaults.
38:32The world was simpler then!
38:43I won't apologize for protecting what innocence is left for as long as I can.
38:56Freaks, bro! I'm trying to breathe through my ears.
38:59I hope those legacies make themselves sick.
39:02What even is a begonia?
39:03They were my wife's favorite flowers. Keep shabbling.
39:22The Nameless are pure evil.
39:24They use their skills for power and greed, and they don't care who they hurt.
39:28Or worse.
39:31Ishan would never choose that life.
39:35Instead of trying to be the perfect legacy,
39:39why aren't you trying to prove he's a chance, not what they say he is?
39:42What if that's my destiny? What if that's why I'm here?
39:45To clear his name.
39:46I don't believe in destiny.
39:53Are you sure he's innocent?
39:55He just vanished. If it was a choice, he'd left me a message.
40:00The only thing left behind was the Nameless's calling card.
40:04Calling card?
40:05Yeah, it's a penny, burnt on one side.
40:34The only thing left behind was the Nameless's calling card.
40:36A penny, burnt on one side.
40:41I would keep this hidden, if I were you.
40:48That's why you're here.
40:49I knew someone was off the moment I met you.
40:52I mean, you won't hold up nothing, but that would all make sense.
40:55We'll have to bond with a mirror.
40:57This, you're with the Nameless.
40:59What? No, I promise. I've never even heard of the Nameless.
41:02I'm taking you down, Avery.
41:03Avery. Your history.
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