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00:00Hey, look who's on the River Islands guest line.
00:02By the way, he's on YouTube as well.
00:03By the way, he'll be at the Punchline in Sacramento on April 7th,
00:07and he'll be here in San Francisco at Cobbs on April 8th.
00:12Look, everybody, it's Frank Caliendo.
00:14Hi, Frank, what's going on?
00:17Guys, I'm going to go start straight to Barclay and just shut it down.
00:20Shut down not just the Golden State Warriors,
00:28but shut down the entire NBA.
00:32And while you're at it, shut down all the college basketball guys
00:35because the transfer portal in NIL is destroying the space-time continuum, guys.
00:45It's like when Marty McFly went back to the future, went back to the past,
00:49and he started changing things, and then his sister and his brother,
00:54they started losing their clothes, and they were invisible.
00:58Well, for part of it, that's what's happening with the NBA guys.
01:01Right, Shaq?
01:01I thought it was Frank.
01:02I don't know.
01:03I'm going to decipher that for you guys later, but...
01:07Did you guys see when Charles did with Dick Vitale that first four game last week?
01:13Yes, yes, we did.
01:15I mean, to me, it was the most amazing thing in the world for like 10 to 20 minutes,
01:20and then outside of it, it was like two Bill Waltons.
01:25It was...
01:28You're going...
01:29Like, you knew...
01:30Like, Vitale knew the game, at least.
01:33He's like, he's an incredible player.
01:34He's amazing.
01:36You know, he's doing his thing.
01:37But Barkley's just going, you know, the transfer portal.
01:40He didn't really know anything about the game exactly.
01:42The guy with the headband just passed to the guy with the blue shoes.
01:46They did a really nice job there, but NIL is destroying everything, guys,
01:52and we're not going to be able to play.
01:55And they get off on something else, and they got...
01:57It was, I think, Anderson.
01:59Was it Brian Anderson?
02:00Yeah.
02:00His name was doing the play-by-play, and he sounded like he had a little bit of a cold
02:05or something was going on with his voice, but he would get into something else.
02:09He's like a free throw.
02:10Yeah, but the transfer portal is really ruining.
02:13Like, it wasn't even having anything to do with that.
02:16And then Vitale would just say, what do you think, Charles?
02:19What do you think?
02:20What do you think about that?
02:21And he'd be like, well, the transfer portal.
02:24No, we're talking about something else.
02:27I appreciate it, Frank, because Charles Barkley, quite frankly,
02:31he watches college basketball like a lot of us do.
02:33We show up the day the tournament starts, and we go, okay, what are we doing here?
02:37Who's playing?
02:38Who are these people?
02:39He knows nothing, but that's most of us.
02:41Yeah, no, he is pretty much like the vet.
02:45I wouldn't trade anything for Charles Barkley on NBA or college basketball,
02:50but we all wish that we could do what he does,
02:54which is basically show up for work with zero prep
02:58and still be the most sought-after entity in the business to have on your air
03:05because he's that much fun to watch.
03:07So that's pretty amazing.
03:11But it's, you know, and they play with it.
03:15They don't even try and hide it when they do mascots
03:17and try and have them figure out what state, you know,
03:21different colleges are in or who the mascot is, all that stuff.
03:25So it's, I mean, kind of runs anathema or the antithesis of what you do, right?
03:30Because you're preparing all year to come out and do your tours and do your shows.
03:34And so as you think about doing your sets,
03:37or what are some of the ones you're looking to roll out,
03:40some of your best aim material as you get ready to come to town?
03:44No, I'm very similar.
03:45I just throw it out there.
03:47That's why I feel like I'm perfect for that.
03:49Us too, Frank.
03:50Us too.
03:51Yeah, I mean, he's just the best at that.
03:55He's like Nate Bargatze, the greatest average American.
03:58Charles is the greatest unprepared.
04:04I'm trying to think of even what you would call analyst,
04:06but he's a little bit of everything, but he's an entertainer and former NBA player.
04:11You know, it's not all sports.
04:13People think my shows are all sports.
04:15There'll be a bunch of sports.
04:17But it's got, you know, do some Robert Downey Jr.,
04:20which is, if you haven't heard,
04:21it's just basically burping through the second half of sentences.
04:25That type of stuff.
04:26Or then Liam Neeson, I don't know who you are.
04:28I don't know what you want.
04:29But if you're Steph Curry, I think you should hang it up for the rest of the year.
04:34Oh, take it easy.
04:36Yeah, right?
04:37No, Frank.
04:37Be careful.
04:38Be careful what you ask for.
04:39You know which one of yours was on my mind today?
04:42And I don't know if you know this.
04:43We've been promoting you all afternoon as comic relief for us
04:47because we need a laugh today
04:50because one of the Warriors suffered a very, very bad injury last night.
04:55Moses Moody tore his patellar tendon right at the end of the game,
04:59and it was like one of these kind of gruesome-looking things on TV.
05:03But now his journey back, starting today, begins.
05:07And so I was like, boy, when we tell that story,
05:12I feel like it's something that Morgan Freeman would do well.
05:16He'd gone through 500 miles of the filthiest slop I can't even imagine.
05:22Or maybe I just don't want to.
05:24But that's what rehab is.
05:26Finding your way back to trying to play the way that you once were.
05:30Or Kevin Durant's done it on multiple teams.
05:34And he's even stayed there at the Golden State for a while.
05:39It took me a second to put those two together.
05:41But once I did, I realized I would just best be moving on.
05:47But that's just the way it is in Golden State.
05:50That's so great.
05:51Like instead of Shawshank, Golden State.
05:52Yeah, I mean, it'll play here.
05:54And that's kind of the level of sadness we're just sitting with.
05:58And, you know, you could always go into the Pacino description of things
06:02or, you know, get presidential.
06:04Any of those directions would work on a day like this.
06:06Well, we're doing, they're doing, Moses is going to do the greatest.
06:09He's been fantastic.
06:10The way he parted the sea and his patella was parted.
06:14And we said, we're going to have it put back together.
06:17The doctor's going to do a burning bush taper thing.
06:21And he said, we're going to have some tremendous commandments.
06:23And those commandments are, thou shalt, thou shalt definitely do your rehab.
06:28And if you do all your rehab, if you do a tremendous amount of rehab,
06:31if you do it all, you're going to be back in no time.
06:34And a lot of people have said, do you know that, like, Trump,
06:37like, he does characters now, puppets.
06:40So there are lots of puppets.
06:41So I've got a puppet hand.
06:44A lot of people are talking about the amount of,
06:46there's a tremendous amount of felt that they need to cover this giant puppet hand.
06:50That's what we're talking about.
06:51Yeah, tremendous is, any, like, sentence that has tremendous in it,
06:55every seventh word, that's going to work.
06:58Or fantastic.
07:00He does that fantastic.
07:02Tremendous and fantastic.
07:04Listen, I love the, in the Marvel, in the Marvel people,
07:07the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
07:10The Fantastic Four.
07:11There's four of them.
07:12There's the Mr. Fantastic.
07:15There's the invisible lady woman.
07:17There's the thing.
07:19And the human torch.
07:21And the human torch, the guy, he's on fire.
07:24He's on fire.
07:25And they said, how are we going to get him on fire?
07:27And they said, he just says, flame on, and he flames it on.
07:30And then for the thing, he says, clabbering time.
07:32And he's clabbering.
07:33He said, clabbering.
07:36Wow.
07:36And at a certain point in this rehab, Frank,
07:40I figure he's going to need to get to that moment
07:43where he's going to need a motivational coach
07:46to kind of come in and get him over the top.
07:49So, you know, maybe we can call in Gruden and give him some words.
07:52I'll tell you what, man.
07:54I've seen plenty of people go through this type of situation.
07:57That's what it's all about, man.
07:58And I got the glasses on right now, so I'm feeling very scholastic.
08:02You ever have that scholastic?
08:06You ever do that scholastic?
08:07Like, what was that, you buy the Scholastic Book Club?
08:11You had that when you were a kid, man?
08:13Yeah.
08:14They still had the Scholastic Book Club?
08:17I was buying all football books, man.
08:19I play football.
08:21I was like, somebody would get Curious George.
08:23I'm like, that guy, what's he curious about?
08:26Spider 2Y Banana?
08:27I'll tell you what, man.
08:28Who's the primary on that Curious George?
08:31The fullback, man.
08:32It's always the fullback.
08:34Oh, boy.
08:35And he might be able to get motivated by John Madden.
08:38Rest in peace.
08:39If he could somehow get channeled into Moses Moody's rehab, that would be something I would
08:44look for.
08:44I mean, and you guys are really looking for the segues here.
08:49You're making me work.
08:50And when you look at it, when you're working at putting that knee back together, you got
08:56the patella over here, and you got the, I don't know what that's called, but there's
09:02a patella, and there, maybe the Abdullah, Ablingana, is that what that is?
09:07Isn't that from the water boy, the patella?
09:11I don't have that in the song.
09:12You know, they got the knee bones connected to the shin bone.
09:15They don't have patella in that song, and that's why I don't really know what goes in
09:21there.
09:22That's so great.
09:23It's been a tough year of a lot of injuries for the Warriors, and some have even said that
09:31it's kind of a boring season because of that.
09:33I think some people are having a hard time staying awake.
09:37So with that, Frank, I'm going to hit the Joe Biden button and throw it back to you.
09:43Folks, come on.
09:44What are we doing?
09:45You got to be ready.
09:46We always got to be ready to play.
09:48Ready, set.
09:50Hakuna batata.
09:51Means no worries.
09:53Folks, when we're going out there, you realize, at least they're, at least the Gold State Warriors,
10:00at least they're not the, you know what I mean?
10:05They're not those guys.
10:10Oh, gosh.
10:15Folks, folks, folks, what are we doing?
10:17Come on.
10:19What are we doing, the guy with the thing?
10:20Come on.
10:21I'm trying to think of a team tanking worse than anybody else.
10:24Who's the worst tanking team?
10:26Well, those teams are coming to town this week.
10:28We got the Brooklyn Nets tomorrow night.
10:31Brooklyn Nets.
10:32Folks, come on.
10:32Brooklyn Nets.
10:33Go see the Nets.
10:35Go see the Warriors cutting down the Nets.
10:38Go see the Brooklyn Nets.
10:40Folks, it's no joke.
10:41Come on.
10:43It's no joke.
10:44And then Friday, Friday, we get, I mean, speaking of presidential, Friday, we get Washington,
10:49D.C.'s team.
10:50The Wizards are coming to town, Frank.
10:51The Wizards.
10:52And my favorite wizard, Voldemort.
10:54I love Voldemort.
10:56They said, how can, how does Voldemort, what does he do if he wears, if he had bad eyes?
11:01I said, he couldn't wear his glasses.
11:02He couldn't wear glasses because there's no way to put your glasses if you're Voldemort.
11:06You're a snake face.
11:08Voldemort.
11:08Tom Riddle.
11:09A lot of times, somebody came to me and said, Tommy Riddle.
11:12I said, what are you going to do?
11:13He said, Tom Riddle.
11:14He seems like he's a decent kid over there in Slytherin.
11:18And I said, well, what's he doing in Slytherin?
11:20When shouldn't he be in Raven's Claw or one of the others?
11:24Hufflepuff?
11:24Hufflepuff is a tremendous, a tremendous house.
11:27But he said, I'm going to be Slytherin.
11:29And I said, that's a snake.
11:31And they're going to get snake bit.
11:32And he did.
11:33And he, who shall not be named, and they call him Voldemort.
11:37They said, don't say it.
11:38I said, I'm going to say it.
11:39They said, why are you going to say it?
11:40I said, because I'm the president.
11:46Frank Caliendo.
11:47Oh, we needed it.
11:47Yeah, we did.
11:49He's the best.
11:50April 7th, Punchline in Sacramento.
11:54April 8th, right here in the city at Cobbs.
11:57And, Frank, we cannot wait, man.
12:00We cannot wait.
12:01Thanks, man.
12:01And tickets at frankonstage.com for, it sends you to their websites, which I think are ticket
12:07master.
12:08But frankonstage.com brings in.
12:10I'll try and, you guys can have some more scenarios ready for me.
12:13I'll try and pop in live with you in the studio.
12:15And you can make me work for no reason whatsoever.
12:18That's perfect.
12:19We're getting close to the NFL draft.
12:21So, you know, maybe we'll do a tremendous situation.
12:24Before we go, let's talk about one last thing.
12:27But we get you guys doing a tremendous job.
12:29I always thought about being an English teacher.
12:31I love to teach grammar.
12:32You know, there, there, and there are three different there's.
12:36One is about placement.
12:38T-H-E-R-E actually has the word here in it.
12:40T-H-E-I-R.
12:42That's there.
12:43It's a possessive.
12:44And then T-H-E-Y possibly R-E is the contraction for they are.
12:49And so I get that one correct all the time.
12:51But then there's it's and it's.
12:53I'm not sure which networks.
12:54But remember, at the end of the day, I before E except after C and when sounding like A is
12:59a neighbor or way.
13:00And I'm only going to know that.
13:06Frankonstage.com.
13:07Again, coming up April 7th and 8th.
13:10April 7th, Sacramento.
13:11April 8th here in San Francisco.
13:13And you better, man.
13:14And we can't wait to see you here in the studio.
13:16Awesome.
13:17Thanks, guys.
13:18Okay, Frank.
13:19Frank Caliendo, everybody.
13:22Yeah, I needed it.
13:23Yeah.
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