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00:01The greatest show on earth is about to begin.
00:07That is outrageous!
00:09And scores!
00:21Oh dear, oh dear.
00:35That's a howler!
00:40Is this what Scottish people is about?
00:43Delicious!
00:44Oh, what!
00:49Champions!
00:52This has been an absolute barnstormer!
01:01Hello, hi, howdy and welcome to A View From The Terrace.
01:05If Scottish football is a big bottle of cola,
01:08then we are the Mentos,
01:10waiting to get dropped in to make a big geezer appear.
01:13My name is Craig Telfer
01:15and joining me to complete this science experiment
01:18are our usual gang of rogues and rough riders.
01:21Up first, back once again to talk through things
01:24in his uniquely charmless and stilted way.
01:26It's Joel Sked.
01:28Hello.
01:29And up next, joining us for the first time this season
01:31as a national treasure
01:32and a housewise favourite.
01:34Sitting to my right, it is Sean McGuigan.
01:37Hello.
01:38We have missed you.
01:39Where have you been?
01:39I went to Switzerland.
01:40I went to the Women's Euros
01:42and I also went to Italy.
01:44I was lucky enough to see Billy Gilmore's
01:46first ever club goal at a Napoli game.
01:47So I had a class summer, but I am delighted to be back.
01:49Oh, and I'm delighted to see you.
01:50You know, you listen to this one
01:51talking about hearts all the time.
01:53It's finally good to be in the room with an adult.
01:56Enjoy the show.
02:01Now, there is a lot to get through on this episode
02:04and I would like to start by looking at the biggest winners
02:07and the biggest losers from Scottish football
02:09over the last seven days.
02:12And Joel Sked, let's talk about Scotland, but not that one.
02:15Yes, let's go to the Scotland under 20 wins.
02:18Now, I'm not going to say they're winners
02:19because they failed to beat Azerbaijan during the week.
02:22However, I am going to pinpoint Emilio Lawrence,
02:24who scored four goals in the record-breaking 12-0 win
02:27over Gibraltar last week.
02:29James Olsen scored a hat-trick, but Emilio Lawrence went one further.
02:33As good as he was, and he was very, very impressive in that match,
02:36I did laugh at some suggestions from Scotland fans
02:39that he should now be capped for the main side
02:42because he may be swiped by England
02:44because he qualifies for England as well.
02:46I think I may be a step too far.
02:48I mean, he's only 19 years old.
02:49He is making his first steps in the game with Manchester City.
02:52Has he got what it takes to eventually play for Scotland?
02:55It looks like it, but I think he needs to play first-team football.
02:57He's only played Premier League two.
02:59He needs to make that next step and play competitive games
03:02for us to really, really see
03:03because you can only tell so much from a game against Gibraltar.
03:07Yeah, I was going to say, if you can get excited
03:09about beating Gibraltar 12-0, then when can you get excited?
03:12And don't worry, we'll be covering Scotland
03:14in more depth very shortly.
03:16But Sean McGuigan, let's keep the international theme going
03:19and talk about a winner from the Scottish lower leagues.
03:21Yes, this is St Johnstone's Adama Sidibe
03:23or, in this instance, it's actually Gambia's Adama Sidibe
03:27because he had an absolutely fantastic international break last week.
03:30He scored twice against Gabon in a 4-3 defeat for Gambia.
03:34Yeah, but there's something quite surreal
03:36in that you could be leading the line
03:39in a 0-0 draw against Air United
03:41in the second tier of Scottish football
03:42and then just a few days later
03:43you are sharing a pitch with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang
03:46and not just sharing a pitch, but actually trading goals.
03:49Aubameyang ended up having the last laugh
03:50as team won 4-3.
03:52He actually scored four in that game.
03:54But Sidibe's finishing was excellent.
03:55And bear in mind, in Scottish football this season
03:57he only has two goals to his name
03:59and one was against East Kilbride in the League Cup
04:01right at the very beginning of the season.
04:03But his finish was really, really impressive,
04:05especially against Gabon.
04:06This is where, if I was a St Johnson fan,
04:08I'd be thinking, yes, he's going to come back firing.
04:11He's going to be full of confidence,
04:12ready to hit the ground running.
04:14Can Sidibe replicate his form for the national side
04:17and bring it back to McDermott Park?
04:18Quite possibly.
04:19I mean, to be fair, I think he's had a good season.
04:21It's just the goals that have been the missing piece, I suppose.
04:23Yeah, a brilliant international break for him.
04:27Sean, we'll look at Scott Brown, the Air United manager
04:29who was a winner and somehow a loser at the weekend.
04:32He watched his side have a very comfortable 2-0 win
04:35against Ruth Rovers at Starch Park on Saturday.
04:37However, he then played in a charity match
04:39across in the Netherlands on Sunday.
04:42He was part of a Celtic legends side
04:44that was taking on a Feyenoord legends team.
04:47Brilliant, so imagine charity matches,
04:49they're all played in good spirit,
04:51everyone's having a laugh,
04:52it's just a bit of a kick about, you know,
04:53get the fans there, a bit of waving,
04:55a bit of goals, everyone goes up the road happy.
04:57Normally that's what happens.
04:58That's exactly what normally happens,
05:00but not on this occasion,
05:01certainly not for Scott Brown,
05:02he was inexplicably given a red card
05:04with just a couple of minutes left.
05:05And yes, I do take on board,
05:07it looked like it was a terrible decision from the referee.
05:09It was a great tackle.
05:10But his reaction, I mean,
05:11Scott Brown's reaction and Barry Robson's reaction
05:14is more akin to what you would see
05:16maybe on Helicopter Sunday.
05:18Like a game that was going to decide the title,
05:19not a kick about to raise money for some kiddies.
05:22Sean, it's that winning spirit,
05:23it's that mentality that got them where they are.
05:25It doesn't matter if it's a charity game,
05:28it's a kick around,
05:29it's a run-of-mill league game
05:30or it's a World Cup final.
05:31They'll play it in the same spirit.
05:32I also enjoyed when the referee,
05:35very unnecessarily,
05:36gave a wave to him to Duluth.
05:38Just a brilliant flourish to end it.
05:39Let's stick with Celtic
05:40and let's look at the big winners from the last seven days, Sean.
05:43Has to be cruise guests.
05:46Right, OK.
05:47Now that's interesting.
05:48You're talking about cruise guests.
05:49How does that tie in with Scottish football?
05:52Now this is a Celtic-themed cruise.
05:54Now, I've never been on a cruise before.
05:56I don't really fancy it.
05:57I think being trapped on a boat
05:59with a couple of hundred loud yanks
06:01sounds like hell.
06:02But my goodness,
06:04this one very much caught my eye.
06:06Talk us through this, Sean.
06:07I mean, admittedly,
06:08it may have caught my eye
06:09because of the insane amount of font
06:12that is used on the one advert.
06:14I've never seen anything like it before.
06:16But it's cruising with John Hartson.
06:18Now this sounds like maybe a Channel 5 show
06:22that's been dreamt up by a producer
06:25after a boozy lunch.
06:26Imagine you're a family of four from Tallahassee
06:28and you're booked to be on a cruise
06:30and you get there
06:31and you're sharing it with hundreds of Celtic fans.
06:33Why is the pool dying dream?
06:36It gets to the end of the week
06:37and they're driving back to Tallahassee.
06:39Sack the board!
06:40Sack the board!
06:41Sack the board!
06:42They've been indoctrinated!
06:45It's $1,400 for a place on this cruise.
06:48I just really like the thought of Celtic dads everywhere
06:50having to explain to their family
06:51that actually Christmas is cancelled
06:53because they're spending seven days
06:54on the high seas with John Hartson.
06:55I think by then,
06:56John Hartson must be absolutely fed up.
06:58I think by day three of the seven,
07:01you must be absolutely out of your mind.
07:02You just put your mattress up against the door
07:05in your cab and just don't come out.
07:07As soon as they dock in the Bahamas, he's gone.
07:10Now, Joel, let's look at the winners and losers
07:12from Scotland's game against Greece
07:14and there's a tale of two goalkeepers.
07:16Yes, Angus Gunn produced a moment of brilliance
07:20against Greece that was actually a match-winning save.
07:22Yeah, it was 2-1.
07:23World-class piece of goalkeeper.
07:24Caretzas came off the bench,
07:26really exciting player,
07:27cut onto his left foot
07:27and curled in towards the top corner.
07:30Gunn springs up and pushes it away excellently
07:32and that was the big moment in his Scotland player
07:35that he'd been waiting for.
07:36I was sitting on the halfway line for that match.
07:38I had a perfect view
07:39and as soon as the ball left,
07:41Caretzas's foot,
07:41I think that's in.
07:43We've drawn this game,
07:45we've chucked away the three points
07:46and I could not believe seeing him
07:48get his fingertips to tip it over the bar.
07:49It's one of the best saves I can remember
07:51a Scotland goalkeeper making in a long time.
07:53Yeah, it was astonishing.
07:54And I suppose from our perspective,
07:57the Greek goalkeeper also had a moment of brilliance.
07:59It does.
08:01It shows you the contrast between what a goalkeeper can do
08:03for a game when it's so tight at the end
08:06because Shoulakas was incompetent
08:09is probably the best way to put it.
08:11Yeah, he certainly had his duckums gloves on for that one
08:12when the ball just completely slipped out of his fingers
08:15and right into the path of Lyndon Dykes
08:16who, by the way,
08:18I thought he was going to put the ball over the cross.
08:19There was absolutely no need to hit the ball
08:22with that degree of power.
08:23Just roll it in, Lyndon.
08:24Just roll it in.
08:25Goodness me!
08:26That is the perfect segue to looking at Scotland
08:30and looking at the manager Steve Clarke.
08:32You know, on Sunday,
08:34Clarke became Scotland's longest serving head coach
08:36but despite his longevity
08:38there's no doubt that he is a bit of a polarising figure
08:40amongst the Scotland support.
08:42We're in a bit of a funny place at the moment.
08:43We've come off the international break.
08:45We've won two games out of two.
08:47That's ten points from our four matches
08:48in these World Cup qualifiers.
08:50We've guaranteed ourselves a playoff spot to get there,
08:52should we not win the group?
08:53But something doesn't feel right.
08:54I think myself and everyone else who left Hamden on Sunday night
08:58would be feeling a bit bewildered,
08:59a bit confused and a little bit flat.
09:01It feels like the right time to analyse Steve Clarke,
09:04his Scotland career to date and what he's got right
09:07and what he's got wrong.
09:08So, Joe, come to yourself first.
09:10What were your thoughts on Sunday's match?
09:12A 2-1 win over Belarus?
09:14A dreadful performance.
09:15Great way we won.
09:17However, we made one of the worst teams in Europe look slick,
09:23skilful, sexy even, during 98 minutes.
09:26And it got to that 98th minute.
09:28Even though we got 2-0 ahead,
09:29you think that's it done and dusted.
09:30Belarus score.
09:31And then you're just thinking,
09:32referee blow the whistle and just put us out of misery here.
09:35But we did the job.
09:36We got the six points that we wanted from the two games
09:38and now we're just essentially four points away
09:41from reaching the World Cup.
09:42I think that's where that sense of confusion comes from.
09:44It always feels like a paradox inside your skull
09:46because if you'd said from your first four matches
09:48for your World Cup qualifiers,
09:49we'll give you 10 points,
09:50you'd be like, well, that's fantastic.
09:51I'd be delighted with that.
09:53But then when you struggle to beat such a pretty miserable side
09:57as Belarus,
09:58you're just confused as to why that is the case.
10:01I mean, I wasn't the only one that fell out
10:03that was booing at points in the games against Greece
10:05and against the Belarusians.
10:06It feels like there's going to be two distinct camps
10:09in the Scotland support now when it comes to Steve Clarke.
10:13I think the first,
10:13we'd be quite happy to see the back of him
10:15and would have been happy to see the back of him
10:16after their performances in the last European Championships.
10:20And then there's another camp that I think,
10:22but we did qualify for two European Championships.
10:24We may qualify for another World Cup.
10:26What seems to be the problem here?
10:28Clarke is someone that I really like
10:30and I really admire Steve Clarke.
10:32If you think where we were under Alex McLeish
10:34to where we are now,
10:35it's night and day.
10:36You know, he has made Scotland fun to go and watch again.
10:40Yes, the performances against Greece and Belarus weren't fantastic,
10:43but Scotland is now the biggest ticket in town.
10:45I think he's quite a hard manager to love,
10:49is that you know he's good for you,
10:50but he frustrates you,
10:52he's stubborn,
10:53he doesn't show as much personality.
10:56And that's why I think when things get challenging,
10:59the Scotland fans,
11:01it's easier to get on his back.
11:02Think about the good times.
11:04I mean there have been so many good moments he's delivered us.
11:07I'm sure we've all got our favourites.
11:09What's yours?
11:10I would go for the playoff win against Serbia.
11:14That was brilliant, yeah.
11:15Of course, the penalty shootout.
11:17I mean five brilliant spot kicks from ourselves
11:20and then David Marshall's heroics,
11:22stopping Alexander Mitrovic's penalty.
11:25Just a brilliant, brilliant night.
11:26It's like we made a step beyond glorious failure
11:29and actually just had a bit of glory.
11:31That's brilliant, aye.
11:32More of that please.
11:33What about yourself, Joe?
11:34Beating Spain at Hamden Park.
11:35It was just a truly brilliant performance.
11:39It wasn't a smash and grab.
11:40It was just how I picture a Scotland side,
11:43especially against one of the bigger nations.
11:45And it wasn't just the performance that night.
11:48It was being in the stands watching it,
11:50the noise from the first kick of the ball
11:52to the final whistle.
11:53You could feel the singing in your chest.
11:55You could feel the vibrancy,
11:58just that sense of togetherness,
11:59that sense of occasion.
12:00And Scotland were fantastic that night.
12:02And then you had Rodri coming out afterwards
12:04and saying it was rubbish and it was not football.
12:06I was like, yes, that is Scottish football.
12:09Let's get a look at that right now.
12:10It's the way they play.
12:12You have to respect,
12:13but at the end, for me, it's a bit rubbish
12:15because it's always wasting time.
12:17They, how do you say, provoke you
12:21and they always fall like,
12:23this is, for me, it's not football.
12:25I really like how the fact
12:26he's on the cusp of tears during that as well.
12:29That makes that very sweet.
12:30My favourite is beating Norway 2-1 in Oslo.
12:33That was the smashiest and grabbiest
12:36smash and grab of all time.
12:38Because, I think you'll both agree,
12:39we did not deserve to win that.
12:41We had been absolutely abject
12:43for about the first 80 minutes of that game.
12:45I remember watching in the pub,
12:47screaming, get Lyndon Dykes off,
12:49get Lyndon Dykes off.
12:50He's doing absolutely nothing.
12:51Get him off.
12:52Lyndon Dykes is staying on,
12:53but Kenny McLean!
12:54What's going on?
12:56Doesn't make any sense.
12:57But then, there's Lyndon Dykes,
12:59scores the equaliser,
12:59capitalising the defensive mistake.
13:01And then, sets up for me,
13:03one of the all-time great Scotland goals.
13:18And the celebrations.
13:20I'm getting goosebumps even just talking about it.
13:22It was an incredible moment.
13:24I mean, if those are the good moments,
13:25and there have been plenty of them,
13:26why are people so frustrated with the direction we're heading in?
13:29I suppose we haven't shown up at our Euros,
13:32and there were some big games as well,
13:34where we just didn't turn up on the day.
13:36I think perhaps the biggest low was our performance in Euro 2024.
13:39I know we didn't necessarily turn up in Euro 2020,
13:42but Euro 2024,
13:43I think we're perhaps pound for pound the worst team
13:45that turned up at that tournament.
13:47From the opening game against Germany,
13:48scudded 5-1.
13:49I remember watching Kieran Tierney and Andy Robertson
13:52high-fiving each other four minutes into the game,
13:54because they managed to force a goal kick
13:56from one of the opponents.
13:58You're thinking, my goodness boys,
13:59you are in for a very long night.
14:02I mean, the Hungry match itself was a low point.
14:04I remember afterwards as well,
14:06Steve Clarke,
14:06when he was questioned about the potential penalty
14:08that we could have had in that game,
14:09that obviously,
14:10would have made the game totally different.
14:12I get that Clarke was really disappointed
14:14at what had just played out,
14:16but they spoke about the fact
14:17that he couldn't understand
14:19why the referee was from South America,
14:21and they talked about the fact
14:22that shouldn't have been the case,
14:23should have been a European referee.
14:25I found it all quite distasteful.
14:27It's tasteful and actually mortifying to listen to.
14:30It's a penalty,
14:31and nobody can tell me otherwise.
14:33I've seen it.
14:34I've seen it back.
14:34It's a penalty.
14:35I do not know for the life of me
14:37why it's not given.
14:38Have you asked about that
14:39and why it didn't go to VAR?
14:41It's from Argentina.
14:42I would ask him.
14:44Probably doesn't speak the language.
14:45I don't know.
14:46Why is he here?
14:47Why is he not a European referee?
14:48Why are VAR looking at that
14:50and not giving a penalty?
14:53I don't understand.
14:54We're not writing an obituary for Steve Clarke.
14:57He still is very much a Scotland manager.
14:58We are still within touching distance
15:00of getting to the World Cup.
15:01He has intimated that he might be stepping down
15:04after this tournament.
15:05How do you think he will be remembered?
15:07As the best Scotland manager since Craig Brown,
15:10considering there has been eight or nine others
15:12in that time.
15:13That feels like a big achievement.
15:16And of course it could get even better
15:18if we can still qualify for the World Cup.
15:20At the moment,
15:21forget about qualifying for the Euros and stuff.
15:23One of his biggest achievements was
15:24he made Scotland fall in love with the national team again
15:27because the game before he took over against Israel
15:30was like 22,000 folk at Hampden.
15:32Whereas now there's like a vibrancy about going to Hampden.
15:35Okay, those two games recently aside.
15:37But I think he does have a chance to elevate himself
15:39above Craig Brown if he can take us to the World Cup.
15:42Even more so if he can get through the group staging.
15:44Even more so if he wins.
15:47I think in 10-15 years time
15:49when we look back at Steve Clarke's time
15:50in charge of Scotland
15:51I think we'll remember him very fondly.
15:53The manager who took us to two tournaments
15:54who may even take us to three tournaments
15:56if we get to the World Cup.
15:57The man who made Scotland fun to support again.
16:00The big worry is who comes after him.
16:03When you look out there
16:03there's no credible, achievable candidates we can get.
16:06And then you look at the players we're working with
16:07I think there's a group of players in there
16:09who have perhaps reached their apex.
16:11Maybe even have gone beyond their peak.
16:13And you look at what's coming in behind them
16:14there's only a handful of players there
16:16that make you really excited
16:18that we can build a squad around.
16:19So I think I'm a little bit concerned
16:22when I look to the future.
16:24Don't.
16:26Well I was going to look to the future right now
16:28because I was going to ask you
16:29can Scotland qualify for the World Cup Sean?
16:32It's a tough ask but I think they can.
16:34I think they'll probably stink the joint out
16:36once they get there
16:36but I do think we've got a decent chance of qualifying.
16:38I think we will.
16:39Just need to go to Greece
16:40and just get a point
16:42come back to Hampden Park
16:43and I think that game takes care of themselves
16:44against Denmark.
16:45I think those are the games that really suit Scotland.
16:48Wintery night, under the lights
16:49it's cold, it's probably raining
16:51if Scotland can get off to a good start
16:53just like somebody flies into a tackle
16:55you force a corner in the first five minutes.
16:56Ever since on the line
16:57people forget about Steve Clarke
16:59the noise, everything
17:00it's about the World Cup
17:01and I think people just
17:02everyone just comes together
17:03and Hampden will be rocking.
17:04That's right.
17:05If the players give the fans something
17:06cheer about
17:07the fans will not let them down
17:08and I think it will be a cacophony of noise
17:10and Scotland will end up winning
17:11a comfortable 4-0 win over the Danes.
17:14I hope you're right.
17:21The playground
17:22the original footballing amphitheatre
17:34I feel so tiny.
17:40Is this just a practice?
17:44Where dreams are made
17:46Is it more important to eat food
17:48or get outside and play football?
17:50Get outside and play football.
17:53And legends are written.
17:55I scored a goal against the whole class.
17:58I wouldn't have been in the whole class
17:59because I wasn't involved.
18:01No.
18:02So that's technically not the whole class.
18:04We were told that you were the best player.
18:07That's true.
18:14What's that?
18:15The bell.
18:16The bell.
18:16What does that mean?
18:17It's break time.
18:27Monday morning.
18:299am.
18:34Books out.
18:35Heads down.
18:37Two times three equals six.
18:40I before E except after C.
18:42What is the date today?
18:45What is the date today?
18:46Clock watching.
18:47Tick tock.
18:49Tick tock.
18:50Tick tock.
18:52The build up has begun.
18:55Mondays.
18:56Monday.
18:57No, don't get me started.
18:59Bored.
19:00Yeah.
19:01Like we have to do maths again.
19:03Don't we like maths?
19:05Maths.
19:05Hate it.
19:06The only two breaks you get is break time, launch time, then it's just job, job, job.
19:10I normally just look at the clock.
19:12I feel like my energy's down for the first bit and then when it's like ten minutes to break time,
19:18my energy's just like, let's do this.
19:22The bell, the blessed bell.
19:25Shoes on, shackles off.
19:28This is what we're here for.
19:38Teams pick quickly, don't want to waste a second.
19:42This is our time.
19:52I triple tie my, er, shoes because the laces on the shoes are, it's so easy to come off, it's
20:00annoying.
20:01The teams, never in a million years have they been fair.
20:06Only once.
20:07Last time they were fair was probably when the dinosaurs were around.
20:11Get shoes that have straps.
20:15Get shoes that have you, baby.
20:19Get shoes that have you, baby.
20:21It's the hole.
20:21In the hole, yes, yes.
20:25The one, yes.
20:40The other, yes, yes.
20:42Oh, she, yes.
20:42Get shoes.
20:42Get shoes.
20:43Get shoes.
20:43Let's go.
20:44Get shoes.
20:47No rules. There's literally no rules.
20:50People will land some heavy tackles on you now and then.
20:54The boys are very...
20:56Rough.
20:57Do you ever just be rough back?
20:59Yeah.
21:00They cheated when the ball didn't even go past the line into the goals.
21:05They were literally...
21:07That went in, that went in.
21:09I don't actually care for some of the dudes.
21:10I was just cheat with them.
21:13The best thing about playing football?
21:16Scoring goals.
21:26When I had my first goal, it was just historical for me.
21:30It was my first goal.
21:31I was at the corner and I just kicked it and it curled right into the top corner in one
21:36go.
21:36It, like, flew over everyone's heads.
21:38Daniel was coming to tackle me and then I went the other way and then he fell.
21:43And then Mason was there and then I did the exact same.
21:46And then I ran up and then I just shooted it.
21:51The ball was in the air.
21:53Then I'd done a bicycle kick and it actually had toppings.
21:57That sounds amazing.
21:58They were all, like, cheering because it was, like, one minute until the game ended.
22:05Was it a winning goal?
22:07No.
22:08There was, like, more goals after it.
22:34The bell.
22:36The damned bell.
22:37The final whistle.
22:40Until tomorrow.
22:42What would you love to do when you grew up?
22:44To maybe be a professional footballer and play for Barcelona like Camille and Jamal.
22:51Play for Scotland.
22:53I would become a professional footballer.
22:56Win World Cups.
22:58To fly.
22:59I also really want a dog.
23:03The playground.
23:05The centre of the footballing universe.
23:09They might have won today.
23:11But tomorrow, we go again.
23:25Ole, ole, ole, ole, ole.
23:28Yes, singing at the football is absolutely class.
23:32When you get taken on the terraces for the first time, there's nothing quite as captivating as watching that big
23:37sing song.
23:37So I think it's our mission to learn everything about the Scottish footballing songbook.
23:43We've got every single syllable broken down for our ears and for our eyes to analyse.
23:48And I want to know, straight off the bat, you've heard me singing.
23:50Are you good singers?
23:51Terrible.
23:53Not a chanter.
23:54I can hold a note.
23:55I'd go that far, but not great.
23:57OK, you sit this one out.
23:58This is for you, Sean.
23:59Right.
24:00You know, the most important part of a chant, the most important part, first and foremost, is getting it going.
24:06If you can get the crowd going with you, anything is possible.
24:09However, it can go awry, a bit like this guy here.
24:14Say, will thou art for the season?
24:42Say, will thou art for the season?
24:54I just think it's the idea of a big team like Rangers, you know, like an establishment team, you know,
25:01when they went on their journey, I think they took on a very victim mentality.
25:05And I think this is perhaps the best example of where a man thinks that Allo Athletic are cheating, as
25:11usual, to con Rangers out of points.
25:13I mean, that's just that he's clearly harbored this grudge for a long, long time.
25:17This opinion hasn't just been created over 90 minutes.
25:21This has been going back years.
25:22Have you guys ever tried to start a chant?
25:24The last time I did was October 2014.
25:28I was going through the turnstiles at Palosun and tried to start singing about Vladimir Romanov.
25:33It fell on deaf ears and never tried since.
25:36Me and my pals used to do it when we were young, when we were early teens, when Wraith were
25:40just starting to get pretty decent.
25:41We would start quite a lot of the chants.
25:44It was a wee ultra, were you?
25:45No, I wouldn't go that far.
25:47I wouldn't go that far.
25:47But it's just that I suppose what the danger was, and it used to happen quite a bit, is that
25:51if you're maybe 13 and you start a song and you want to start quite low,
25:56but then within seconds, like, your voice maybe breaks and suddenly you're five octaves higher than you had been a
26:00few seconds earlier,
26:01which is mortifying because everybody's just laughing at you.
26:03That must have been some shame.
26:05But I think one of the best things about football chanting is just how creative fans can be.
26:09It really doesn't matter what the occasion is, it can be reacting to something on the pitch, it can be
26:14reacting to something in the stands,
26:15it can also be reacting to something that you just see when you're actually walking to the match.
26:20Yes, these Partick Fissel fans in our brof produced one of my favourite football songs and they weren't even out
26:26of the football game.
26:26This 15 seconds clip, if that, never fails to amuse me.
26:43It's just the way that they're so happy bouncing around in it, it just looks like a bunch of lads
26:49having a brilliant away there in our brof.
26:50And it's very serendipitous that the name of that shop, every syllable perfectly fits the name of the song.
26:57What does fancy goods involve? Because the name of the shop is very specific,
27:00but then it becomes very vague towards the end.
27:02Equal idea, like a kitchenware, high-end jewellery, there's no in-between.
27:07So if you're planning a wedding, you've got the catering and the ring at the same time in this one
27:12place.
27:13It's thankful they've got one of the longest shops in Scotland to be able to fit on.
27:19My favourite chants are the ones that are just absolute nonsense, that just don't make any sense,
27:23but suddenly do make a lot of sense.
27:25One of my favourites is shoes off if you love Stenny.
27:27Shoes off if you love Stenny. Shoes off if you love Stenny.
27:31To the tune of Go West by Pet Shop Boys.
27:34And everyone, to a man, takes off their sneakers, takes off their gutties, takes on their slip-on and waves
27:38it above their head.
27:39Because, of course, the inference being, if you do not take off your shoes, you hate staying out smear.
27:45And I do not want anyone to think that.
27:47And even better than that is when somebody is waving their shoes around and, of course, at the lower league
27:52grounds, you're a lot closer to the pitch.
27:55I think it was in Montrose or Alla where somebody's waving their shoes around, a bigger boy behind you just
28:00yanks it off his hand and chucks it onto the pitch.
28:02And then he's got the awkward thing, he's got to sort of tiptoe the last steward intervenes.
28:06All just because he wanted to take his shoes off in love for Stenny's Moor.
28:09There's different variations. We've got one from Hart and Midlothian when they were playing Occy and Lec in the Scottish
28:14Cup in 2020.
28:15They've put their own spin on it. Shoes off if you hate the hibs.
28:21I love shoes off! I get it, I get shoes off! I get it, I get shoes off! I get
28:29it, I get shoes off!
28:30I get it, I get shoes off!
28:38You've written the song, you've workshopped it, it's gone into the group chat, you've tried it on the terraces, it
28:42goes on to a wider audience.
28:44The next step is it becomes ubiquitous, it goes viral and it drives you insane.
28:50Sean, is there any songs that you find particularly aggravating?
28:54Now this might be controversial. I think the Tartan Army have a really dreadful songbook.
29:00And I'm not overly keen on the John McGinn song.
29:03Ah, no, no, no, no, no. I like the Super Tartan Army song.
29:07There is an example of it that we've got here when John McGinn was taken off during the Spain game
29:11and Hamden is, to be fair to them, belting it out with gusto.
29:28It starts off so slow and it's such a dirge.
29:32It doesn't sound like a celebratory song for a much-loved player. It sounds like the opposite, like they don't
29:36like him.
29:37That's the whole point of that song. We've got McGinn. Boom! Super John McGinn.
29:44Everyone's getting into the fact that if you imagine John McGinn arsing his way past the defender, spinning him, leaving
29:50him for booty dust as he heads up the pitch.
29:53That's the equivalent of the song. It's fantastic. And that, boof, when you get that reverberate around the stadium, it's
29:58fantastic.
29:59I think there's a lot to criticise the Scottish songbook about, but that isn't one of them.
30:02I have reached the stage where I almost want anybody in the Scotland team to score, apart from McGinn.
30:07Because I know I'm going to have to listen to him in the next five minutes if he scores.
30:09They know what's going to enjoy McGinn scoring the late winner against Denmark.
30:1249,999 Scotland fans up-celebrating. Sean's just sitting down, nah.
30:18Just to prove a point, you know, enjoying yourself? Oh, yes, I am to an extent.
30:23I can't get behind this particular chant.
30:26And one chant that I really don't like, I think it's perhaps my least favourite song ever to do with
30:31the football,
30:32it is Yes, That I Can Boogie by Baccarat.
30:34There's a video, some people might think it's fantastic, I certainly don't,
30:37but it's after we beat Israel 3-2 in 2021, the whole of Hampden is rocking out to Yes, Sir,
30:44I Can Boogie.
30:52I think we're going to look back at Yes, Sir, I Can Boogie in the same way we look back
31:02at Mr Blobby,
31:03or those really deep Z-cut T-shirts that people on Geordie Show used to cut around.
31:08They were popular for a time, but you look back and think, I can't believe we were ever into that.
31:11It's very much a song that is outstayed its welcome,
31:14especially when they play it at the end of a game and the stadium's already half empty
31:19because everybody's away for the last train home.
31:21That's when it's least effective.
31:23They know Baccarat's coming on, that's why they're leaving.
31:26Dad, why are we going up the road? I'm not listening to that bloody song, get in the car.
31:30Both of you, both the John McGinn and Yes, Sir, I Can Boogie use a little bit loose at both.
31:35We've talked about when chants go big, we've talked about when chants go really big,
31:39but I think we should talk about when chants get out of hand.
31:42And we're going to use an example from December 1996,
31:45when a chant that by East Fife fans against Cowdenby actually made it onto the national news.
31:51The town is being branded dusty and smelly by local rivals East Fife,
31:56and worse, fans of the Methyl side are to appear on a television quiz show
32:00performing the offending chant.
32:02Douglas Maguire explains.
32:05The camp of Neil O'Gilly, the happy Lord Terry,
32:09the birthday of Andrew Smith, and the camp of the family, he's fine!
32:13It is the greatest news report of all time, I firmly believe that.
32:16My favourite thing about this is actually when they pick you up at Bayview,
32:19and they're just a real strange group of people.
32:23You've got a man who's lesbian, who's old enough to know better,
32:27wearing a big green sweater.
32:28I saw a bewildered pensioner who was perhaps in the vicinity,
32:31just got dragged into it.
32:32And then a bunch of school kids, why are you not in class?
32:36We've looked at the very best, we've looked at some of the worst,
32:38but when you break it down to its atomic level,
32:40what are the key ingredients needed for any good football song?
32:44I think you want to keep it reasonably simple,
32:47and you want it to maybe give a sense of one-upmanship.
32:51So, for example, let's say it's an important game,
32:54or it's a derby match, and you've won quite convincingly,
32:56maybe two or three up, there's five minutes to go,
32:58and you're able to sing, like, we can see you sneaking out.
33:00There's no comeback from that.
33:02The day belongs to you, ultimately.
33:04Or cheerio, cheerio, cheerio,
33:06and then just someone walking out.
33:10That'll show them.
33:11I think what you need is you need a sense of humour.
33:14I think that's very important, that sense of one-upmanship,
33:17sort of, like, bigging up your own team,
33:19getting right up your rivals,
33:20and if you take a popular song that everyone knows,
33:22and if you can skilfully work the lyrics around,
33:25you have got a song that will last through the ages.
33:28Now, all this talk of football chanting
33:30has got me very excited for the big games this weekend.
33:34There's loads of action taking place up and down the country.
33:36Where should we be going?
33:38We'll come to yourself first, Joe.
33:40What's the big game this weekend?
33:42There's no bigger game in the Scottish Premiership
33:44than Kilmarnock against Hartham-Gloveyon
33:46on Saturday evening, 5.45.
33:49Kick-off, one-word narrative.
33:51Yeah, this is a really big game.
33:53This is Derek McInnes, the Hartham-Midlothian manager,
33:55going back to his former club, Kilmarnock.
33:57How do you see this one going?
33:58Oh, you know, it's third against first to begin with.
34:01That is, I don't think anyone saw that coming
34:02at the start of the season.
34:03You've got the McInnes factor.
34:04There's a big travelling away support.
34:06Where Kilmarnock fans will be wanting
34:07to give Hartham a bloody nose.
34:10I think he'll get a frosty reception as well.
34:12So it just adds a dimension to it.
34:13And another episode of the
34:15Can Hartham-Win-The-League show?
34:17Exactly.
34:17I think that's what everyone's going to be looking at.
34:19It's one of those where
34:21you've seen this as a really tricky away game,
34:23which it is.
34:25Going to rugby park, especially when Kelly
34:26are doing really, really well.
34:28Well, if Hartham can win,
34:30your eyebrows will be raised a wee bit further.
34:32Okay, okay.
34:34Especially with Celtic coming to Tynecastle
34:36around the corner.
34:37That's all that Hartham can do
34:38is keep building that momentum
34:40and kind of putting the pressure on Celtic
34:42because they've tended to play the day after.
34:44And obviously there's been a lot of chat,
34:45understandably so,
34:46about Hartham this season.
34:48But there was a lot of questions
34:49when Stuart Kettlewell was appointed
34:50the Kilmarnock manager from Kilmarnock fans
34:52as well, incidentally.
34:54But he is certainly proving
34:55the doubters wrong just now.
34:57How do you see this one going?
34:58I think,
34:59I don't think it'll be convincing,
35:00but I do think Hartham will sneak it.
35:03It'll be convincing.
35:05Hartham.
35:05Hartham win.
35:06What else?
35:08Joel, that is a big game,
35:09but I think I've got something
35:10for the connoisseurs.
35:11I'm leaving the SPFL entirely
35:13and I think the big game this weekend
35:15is Bonnie Rigg Rose versus Clyde Bank.
35:18There are a number of reasons
35:19why this is such a fascinating encounter
35:21and it's one that people
35:23should be taking notice of.
35:24Is Bonnie Rigg's return home?
35:26Yeah, well that's the primary reason.
35:28You know, Bonnie Rigg,
35:29over the summer there's work being done
35:31to flatten and level the pitch
35:32in New Dundas Park.
35:33Of course, that ultimately cost them
35:35a six-point deduction last season
35:36and led to their relegation.
35:38But no, they're redoing the pitch.
35:39It's a beautiful grass surface
35:41that's going to go down.
35:42They've been playing at Ferguson Park,
35:43the Omaha White Hill Welfare,
35:44a couple of miles down the road.
35:46But this is their triumphant homecoming.
35:48But they're playing against
35:49the Clyde Bank side,
35:50who I think will be in the mood
35:51to spoil the party.
35:52They are going great guns at the one,
35:54a fantastic one over Bowness
35:55on Tuesday night.
35:56They are top of the table,
35:58the only side yet to be defeated
35:59in that division.
36:00And it was a really interesting battle
36:02at the top of the table
36:03between themselves
36:03and the Lithgow Rose.
36:04How much do you think
36:05the returning back
36:07to New Dundas Park
36:08will do for Bonnie Rigg?
36:09You know something?
36:09I refuse to believe
36:11a good game of football
36:11has ever taken place
36:13at New Dundas Park.
36:14I just think it was...
36:15Maybe they turned in Brazil in 1970.
36:17Maybe.
36:17Maybe.
36:19Maybe New Dundas Park
36:20was built on
36:20an ancient Indian burial ground
36:22and it's just doomed
36:23to see bad football matches
36:25in perpetuity.
36:26I think it's going to be
36:26a massive factor.
36:27You know,
36:27Bonnie Rigg will always
36:28bring out a good crowd.
36:29That might drag an extra
36:30couple of percentage
36:31from the players there.
36:32I think it's quite an emotional thing
36:33for the club to go back there,
36:35even if they're only way there
36:36for a couple of months.
36:37But even so,
36:38I think it's quite hard
36:39to see past Clyde Bank.
36:40I think it's a huge win for them.
36:42They're just a winning machine
36:43at the moment
36:44in a long time
36:44since they've tasted defeat.
36:46I think the players
36:46have got into a habit
36:47with that.
36:48A lot of good players
36:48on that side.
36:49Now, Sean,
36:50we go into the SPFL
36:51and there's a massive game
36:52taking place
36:53at the bottom of the Championship.
36:54Yeah, I think we should go
36:55to Lesser Hamden.
36:56That's Queen's Park
36:57versus Airdrie.
36:58And I know it probably
36:59feels like a ridiculous
37:00thing to say
37:01considering we've still got
37:02three quarters of the season left.
37:03It's only October.
37:04I think if Airdrie lose this one,
37:06they are all but relegated already.
37:08That's big moonbeck
37:09they have tickets now.
37:10It's likely to be sold out
37:12in Lesser Hamden's
37:13tiny capacity.
37:14But is it that big
37:15a game for the Diamonds?
37:17I think so.
37:17I mean, they're five points
37:18behind Queen's Park
37:19as it stands.
37:19They have played one game
37:20fewer, however,
37:21if they lose this,
37:21eight points already
37:23feels like
37:23a kind of big gap
37:25to try and close.
37:26Especially in terms of
37:28how they're playing
37:28and the kind of squad
37:30that Danny Lennon
37:30has inherited.
37:32I don't think anybody
37:33saw Danny Lennon
37:34being appointed
37:34as the Diamonds boss.
37:36And I don't think
37:37any Airdrie fan
37:38has been impressed
37:39so far
37:39by how his tenure
37:40has started.
37:41If there's any positives
37:42for them,
37:42I went to see
37:43Arbroath versus
37:43Queen's Park
37:44on Saturday last week.
37:45Arbroath ran out
37:464-1 winners.
37:47Very convincing
37:484-1 winners.
37:48I think it was
37:49the poorest performance
37:50that we've seen
37:50under Sean Crichton
37:52so far.
37:53Points in that first half
37:54where Queen's Park
37:54just could get
37:55out of their own half.
37:56And there's a big
37:56question mark
37:57about Josh Fowler,
37:58superstar striker,
37:59whether or not
37:59he's going to be
38:00fit enough to play
38:01in this game.
38:01I think if he's absent,
38:03the Diamonds have got
38:03a far greater chance
38:04of taking something
38:05from this.
38:06Yeah.
38:06How are we getting in?
38:07Bear in mind
38:08because of the fact
38:09that Leicester Hamden
38:10is barely fit for purpose
38:11due to its tiny capacity.
38:13Getting a ticket
38:13for any game there
38:14is like Charlie Bucket
38:16finding a golden ticket
38:17in his wonka bar.
38:18So the fact that we
38:18would need to do that
38:19three times
38:19for us all to see the game
38:21it could be a struggle
38:21but it'll be worth the struggle.
38:23We could each take
38:2430 minutes
38:25we could just say
38:26stand on each other's shoulders
38:28so then one of us
38:29can watch the first 30
38:30and then we'll rotate
38:31and then the second 30.
38:32Are you suggesting
38:33that we sneak in there
38:34like a bunch of children
38:35trying to get into a movie?
38:36Like one of us
38:37we're all on each other's shoulders
38:38somebody's got a giant trench coat.
38:40I like when somebody
38:40turns up who's 17 foot tall
38:42that will arouse suspicion.
38:43Well there is a heck
38:45of a lot of football
38:45happening this weekend
38:46and I think it's important
38:48that we rest up
38:49before Saturday
38:50but before we disappear
38:52can I ask the pair of you
38:53to take me on
38:54at a little game
38:55called The Banker.
38:57Ho ho!
38:58Every week we are guessing
38:59the outcome
39:00of Scottish football matches
39:01and we get points
39:02for every correct prediction
39:04we make.
39:05We are competing for
39:06the Eamon Brophy
39:07Lone Wolf Trophy.
39:09Just beautiful.
39:11Now after last time out
39:13the league table
39:13looks a little bit like this.
39:15I correctly predicted
39:16that Clyde Bank
39:17would beat
39:18Gala Ferry Dean Rovers
39:19but thanks to wins
39:20for Stenhousemuir
39:21and Breakin City
39:22your lads are now
39:23off the mark
39:24it's three points to two.
39:26We've got a stipulation
39:27for this one
39:29and these seem to get
39:29weirder and weirder.
39:31Now according
39:32to the World Wide Web
39:33today
39:34October the 17th
39:35is national past the day
39:36so to celebrate
39:37you can only pick a team
39:39whose traditional
39:40home colours
39:40are majority red
39:42white or green
39:42the colours
39:43of course
39:44of the Italian
39:45national flag.
39:46Sean
39:47I'm coming to yourself first
39:48who are you picking?
39:50I am going to go for
39:51I think there's an obvious one
39:52I'm going to go for
39:52Celtic
39:53to beat Dundee.
39:55It did occur to me
39:56that Dundee
39:57managed a 3-0 draw
39:58against Celtic
39:59last season
40:00and Celtic
40:00they're not exactly
40:02sweeping teams aside
40:02so I did go and check
40:03the head-to-head record
40:04between the two
40:05this might be the worst
40:06head-to-head record
40:07I've ever seen
40:08Dundee's record
40:09against Celtic
40:09is absolutely atrocious
40:10and of course
40:11last time out
40:12against Aberdeen
40:13they were absolutely pathetic
40:14so yes
40:14I can only see 1-1 argue.
40:16OK fair play
40:17for my first pick
40:18I am going to the bottom
40:19of League 2
40:20where Edinburgh City
40:21are taking on
40:22Stranraar at Meadowbank
40:23and I am backing
40:24the citizens for this one
40:26they play in white
40:26so I am able to pick them
40:28this is a six pointer
40:29this is a six pointer
40:30we have spoken a lot
40:31on this show
40:32about how great we think
40:33Edinburgh City are
40:34and we don't need
40:35to repeat ourselves
40:36I think they're going
40:36to win this game
40:37but it's really Stranraar
40:38I think that
40:39they've had such a bad
40:40start to the season
40:41the fact that Edinburgh
40:42have had a 15 point deduction
40:43I've got them in their sights
40:45that doesn't say a lot
40:46and I think it's a worrying
40:47time for them
40:47Edinburgh to pick up
40:48three points
40:49and one of those points
40:51coming to me
40:52Joe Sked
40:53second pick
40:54what is it?
40:55I'm just going around
40:55the corner to Easter Road
40:57and unfortunately
40:58predicting a Hubs win
40:59over Livingston
41:01I think this is a big game
41:02for David Grae
41:03of switching to the
41:04international break
41:04losing the derby
41:06prior to the international
41:08break
41:08and it feels like
41:10they've not quite
41:11hit the stride
41:12after the European adventure
41:14and then just having
41:15a lot of draws
41:16this is a perfect opportunity
41:17against a Livingston side
41:19who are struggling
41:20for goals
41:20to pick up three points
41:22Fair play
41:23very sensible
41:24now I just wanted to check
41:25can I pick Inverness
41:26Caledoni and Thistle
41:27for this
41:27because they play in red
41:28and blue
41:29which is the colour
41:29of the Italian national
41:31which are dominantly blue
41:32surely
41:32Inverness are blue
41:34they're playing
41:34Celtic Hearts
41:35so I really wanted
41:36to pick that one
41:36so that's fair
41:38give the Celtic Hearts
41:39to be watching
41:39goodness me
41:40goodness me
41:41no
41:41I'm going to
41:42Lynx Park
41:43where Montrose
41:44are taking on
41:44Hamilton Academico
41:45they play in red
41:47and white
41:47they are eligible
41:48I'm backing the
41:49Ackies for this one
41:50Ackies are in a
41:51pretty good run of form
41:52at the moment
41:53yes there's a lot of
41:54nonsense happening
41:54off the pitch
41:55yes they lost 2-1
41:57to Anan Athletic
41:57in the KDM Evolution
41:58Trophy on Saturday
42:00but that's just
42:00a kiddie on tournament
42:01no one's really
42:02that fussed about it
42:03Montrose are doing
42:03okay as well
42:04yeah Montrose are
42:05doing okay at the
42:06moment but Hamilton
42:06are doing a bit better
42:07so that's why I'm
42:08backing John Rankin's
42:09team to get the
42:10second point
42:12for me
42:12easy as that
42:14and hopefully just
42:14stretch that little
42:15bit further ahead of
42:16you
42:16it's a bit trickier
42:17this time around
42:18doing the banker
42:19because you used to
42:20get more pictures
42:21of doing a bit more
42:22jeopardy
42:22this feels like the
42:23old football days
42:24when you usually get
42:24two points for a win
42:26yeah it's going to be
42:27close
42:28we'll still win it
42:30I would imagine so
42:30yes
42:31there's a real theme
42:32developing when it
42:32comes to the
42:33Lone Wolf Trophy
42:35you don't win it
42:36ah but
42:36wait till later on
42:38when it's close
42:39to losing it
42:40they'll put in some
42:40sort of stipulation
42:41where if your name's
42:42Craig
42:42you can get 20 points
42:44for just guessing
42:45doesn't matter
42:46doesn't matter if you
42:47get it wrong
42:47you just get 20 points
42:48if you're just Craig
42:48we'll just make sure
42:49foul us on that week
42:50oh god I forgot
42:50about that
42:52take take take
42:54talk talk talk
42:55talk come on
42:56one last way
42:57through chasing
42:58is it gonna be the same
43:00do you remember
43:02that man
43:02if he used to sing
43:03and I'm really
43:04in my words
43:05again
43:05I'm talking
43:06from the 70s
43:07I've had a sense
43:08but I've made
43:09the heart's funny
43:10any other kind
43:11just ignore
43:12what else
43:12what I say
43:13you
43:14you
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