- 2 days ago
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00:05Hello, you're so kind. Hello and welcome to the show. Thank you so much for joining us.
00:13I've just met a man who has a tattoo of a chicken nugget on his leg. Just some information,
00:19some take-out, if you will. We have an audience and some very lovely guests and joining us
00:24on the sofa. She is a comedian and award-winning podcaster who's currently breaking records
00:31with her latest stand-up tour. It's Joanne McNally. He's the best-nominated creator and star of Man
00:46Like Mo Bean. He's now appearing in the Prime series Bait. It's Gus Kahn.
00:56Iola. Adorable. She is a Golden Globe winner for West Side Story, an Olivier Award nominee
01:07for Evita, and now she's back at the London Palladium. It's Rachel Zegler!
01:21And he's the singer-songwriter who found global boy band success with One Direction. He's
01:27now a chart-topping solo artist who's sold over 90 million records. Back with a brand-new album,
01:35it's Niall Horace!
01:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:40Don't do that. It's you.
01:42Oh.
01:46What? Come on!
01:50APPLAUSE
01:59Does that always happen? Just screaming? Every single day of my life.
02:03LAUGHTER
02:04Walking into the shop, just...
02:06Drink, drink, have a beer.
02:07I'm not going to lie, I'm shitting myself, Claudia.
02:09No.
02:10I'll be honest, you should be. I have quite a few things to bring up with you, but...
02:15I'm sure...
02:16Yes, ma'am.
02:16Before that, it was St. Patrick's Day this week. Niall, St. Patrick's Day, is it a big deal in your
02:22world?
02:22Yeah.
02:23We...
02:24We...
02:24I think how powerful Ireland is, like, culturally around the world, I'm like a little flag bearer going
02:30around, aren't we?
02:31Two of us just going around London, just going, we're from Ireland!
02:34LAUGHTER
02:35And we love being Irish, so we're happy to celebrate any day, to be honest, but Paddy's Day
02:39is another excuse, isn't it?
02:41It's definitely growing legs worldwide.
02:43We're kind of the favourite. We're the favourite.
02:46Yeah, the favourite.
02:46People. Yeah.
02:47And you know, I know that, because I did a bit of digging, and the passport, the Irish passport,
02:51is the most expensive passport on the dark web.
02:56LAUGHTER
02:56Where'd you go? Guess how much it's worth?
02:59Go on.
02:59200 grand.
03:01You can sell them.
03:02Niall, you can sell yours when you run out of money.
03:05LAUGHTER
03:05Now, I don't have the dark web, but once I figure out how to get on that,
03:08I'm going to sell mine and drive around in a Lamborghini made of lobster bound
03:12while some Russian gangster guy is going through American immigration
03:15without a bother on them.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:17I might not look like her, but I am her.
03:21Yeah, you just get the bangs, the big shoulder pads, you'd be grand.
03:24Yeah, done.
03:25Um, Gus, do you have, do you love Ireland?
03:28I mean, I love it, but I don't 200 grand love it.
03:30LAUGHTER
03:31So you like it?
03:32Yeah, I like it.
03:33Yeah, it's right.
03:34So, Rachel, your best friend is your biggest fan.
03:40Yes.
03:40Which I'm sure you get this a lot.
03:42When I was growing up and One Direction was getting very popular,
03:45I was getting into Les Miserables.
03:47So I wasn't really...
03:48Me too, me too.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:50I've seen it multiple times.
03:51Yes, of course.
03:52And my best friend, when I was a kid, I've known her since I was one.
03:56Oh.
03:56Her name is Carly and she had a cardboard cut out of you in her bedroom.
04:01LAUGHTER
04:01So when we had sleepovers, do you know who watched me sleep?
04:05LAUGHTER
04:06It's all coming back.
04:09It's all coming back to me now.
04:12It really...
04:13Quite intense.
04:15Hello to her.
04:16Hi, Carly.
04:17Hello, Carly.
04:18Hi, Diva.
04:19Hi, Diva.
04:24Now, we need to talk about the new album.
04:26Yes.
04:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:34It's called Dinner Party.
04:35We have a visual here.
04:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:41There she is.
04:42Oh, my God.
04:42Guys, I'm not anti it, but is this going to happen all night?
04:47Yes.
04:49Um...
04:49Yeah, OK.
04:50And the Singles Dinner Party, it's out, I believe, now.
04:54Mm-hm.
04:54And it was written about a very special dinner party, wasn't it?
04:59Yeah.
04:59I wrote this song.
05:00It's...
05:01The lyric kind of does...
05:02It's like Ronsell.
05:03It does exactly what it says in the tin.
05:05It tells you exactly what happened from...
05:07from the night I met my girlfriend.
05:09Who was...
05:10Aw!
05:11She was a...
05:12They're not screaming now.
05:13LAUGHTER
05:15Um...
05:15She, uh...
05:16Yeah, she was like a late addition to a party that I was at
05:19and, um...
05:20Yeah, I just got chatting to her.
05:22Offered her a drink.
05:22We got chatting.
05:24Um...
05:25She says that we didn't kiss that night.
05:26I disagree.
05:27I think we did.
05:28LAUGHTER
05:29And, uh...
05:30It's one of those things that you don't expect
05:33to be writing about, like a big once-in-a-lifetime moment,
05:36and it kind of happened to me, which is pretty cool,
05:38so I got to write about it.
05:39Can I also just say, the energy since you mentioned
05:42your incredible partner has changed in this...
05:45LAUGHTER
05:45Yes!
05:46Before, it was all like,
05:48Whoa!
05:49Niall!
05:49As soon as you brought her off...
05:51Niall.
05:52Don't mention it.
05:52I wasn't going to bring it up, of course.
05:54I wasn't going to bring it up.
05:55It's going very funny in here.
05:57By the way, I just met her.
05:59She's...
05:59This is going to make it worse.
06:01Divine!
06:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:03Oh, I'm going to have it here!
06:05APPLAUSE
06:05There we go!
06:07APPLAUSE
06:08Do you like a dinner...
06:10I'm nervous of a dinner party.
06:13Yeah.
06:13I don't want a napkin in the shape of a swan.
06:16Yeah.
06:17Or place...
06:17I'm just worried that I'm going to do something wrong.
06:19Do you love a dinner party?
06:21It's something that I've definitely gotten into the older I've gotten.
06:24It's one of those things.
06:25It's a coming-of-age thing, isn't it?
06:27Yes.
06:27Having a dinner party.
06:28It's like, I mean, I just sat down for dinner and kind of throw a pizza in the oven or
06:33something generally.
06:33But now that I'm older, I have dinner parties, obviously.
06:39You two?
06:40Where do we stand on dinner parties?
06:42I can't...
06:43I can't cook shit.
06:45I can't cook...
06:47Why would I remove jobs from the hard-working people at Nando's?
06:51There's no need.
06:52I coach them, I receive my food.
06:55It's a wonderful transaction.
06:56And there's no dinner parties in my house.
06:58I've got five kids, man.
07:00Wow!
07:02I'll attend.
07:02I won't host.
07:04I use my airfire to hold my keys.
07:06Do you bring food?
07:06Will you do a potluck sort of thing?
07:09I'll arrive when the food has been done and just, and the party is beginning.
07:13Right.
07:14And I'm the same as you.
07:15Deliveroo, this is highly embarrassing, but obviously we're in it now,
07:20contacted me and asked me if I'd like a business account,
07:22because they thought I was a company.
07:24I swear to God.
07:26My problem with Deliveroo is I'll do an order.
07:29You know you're in trouble when they deliver it with like four sets of chopsticks.
07:33Yeah.
07:33And I'm like...
07:34Just me in my bed.
07:37I need the noodles with my hands.
07:39Thanks for coming.
07:41Now, we have got a clip of the song.
07:44One kiss on your neck, it was so concrete.
07:48I'm done looking for somebody.
07:53Behind closed doors.
07:57Things I've never felt before.
08:01Crushing eyes when you first saw me.
08:05Yeah, I met you at a damn party.
08:09Shaking your ears, drinking coffee.
08:14Yeah, I met you at a party.
08:16I met you at a party.
08:27Please tell us the details of the single, the name, and when it's out.
08:32And then we can go who-ha.
08:33The single is The Dinner Party.
08:34It's out today and the album is coming very soon
08:45Niall, I found out some other information about you which I'm obsessed information about me for Vogue you went through
08:52your beauty
08:53routine
08:58And by the way, it would not fit on these cards not even
09:04I
09:07There are 22 steps wait one you light a candle to set this home
09:15Give me a minute go on I'll give her a half an hour
09:20There's a cold water splash pardon number nine is you play with big silver balls
09:29There are so many tell me what you actually do I do quite a few of them to be fair
09:33I'm quite I'm quite a big into the skin care do the ice water in the morning three or four
09:38dunks
09:40I
09:40Actually, I'm gonna action all the time
09:42Yeah, ready? We've got it
09:44A couple of moisturizers and like
09:48Serum a moisturizer as to have a spray
09:50Well, it's like a cold plunge for your face. Yeah, it's fucking he's actually 72 years old
09:55Yeah
09:59You do I'm so impressed. I'm used to dealing with lads who cleaned their face at the scrub daddy
10:03I
10:03I
10:03I
10:08Need to move up in the world
10:10Yeah
10:13Guys, what are you doing in the morning?
10:15By the way, look how immaculate that skin is
10:17I know, yeah
10:18Like I wash my face
10:21Sometimes you know sometimes some mornings is hard
10:24My wife puts that um is it like a blackhead strip
10:28What is that?
10:29I don't know what it is but every time is every time she puts it on she insists that she's
10:35the one to take it off
10:37And when she peels it she does the same thing every time she peels it looks at it and says
10:41disgusting
10:44So you know
10:45Very satisfying though
10:46Does she rip it off like quick or slow?
10:49It depends on the mood
10:50Got it
10:52Got it
10:52I think what I'm my plan is to
10:54Do a two-step skin care and then just eventually got a gorgeous Korean facelift
11:00Yeah
11:00Wow
11:01How?
11:02We can all be doing it
11:03Yeah
11:04I want it. They just yank you up
11:06Yeah, they yank you up
11:07Yeah, yank you right off
11:08The problem is where did the folds go?
11:10Who cares where the folds go?
11:11Goes into the back of your ears
11:13Right
11:13I want my eyes on my head
11:15I want so much plastic surgery when they cremate me I won't burn
11:17I'll just
11:20I'll just
11:20Just melt
11:21I'll just melt
11:21I'll just melt
11:23I'll just melt
11:24Yeah
11:24I can't wait
11:27I'll just
11:28I'll just shrink
11:29Remember those crisp pockets in the 90s you used to put in the oven they'd just shrink
11:32Yeah
11:33That'll be me
11:34Fingers crossed
11:35That's my goal
11:36Yeah
11:36It's a good goal, I like it
11:38Thank you
11:38I want my eyes on the top of my head
11:40Yeah
11:40That was brilliant
11:41I want my ass on my back
11:43That's what I want
11:45I'm following you
11:46Yeah, of course
11:48Rachel
11:48You're back in the UK
11:50Back in the Palladium
11:52Yeah
11:52And you're here for a very special week of concerts
11:55Yeah
11:55I'm doing a week of concerts of the 25th anniversary of the musical The Last Five Years
12:00With my good friend Ben Platt
12:02There we are
12:03There's our faces
12:04There we are
12:05And it's so so special
12:07Because it's directed by the writer and composer Jason Robert Brown
12:11Who will also be on stage conducting, playing piano, all those things
12:15And I've just been dying at the opportunity to work with my good friend Ben
12:18And I'm so excited
12:19That's so good
12:20What I love is when I came to see you earlier you were like
12:21I was watching Ben sing today
12:23He was amazing
12:24It's just
12:25It's actually disgusting
12:26Like
12:26It's offensive
12:27I'm mad about it
12:29Yeah, you get it
12:30It's like
12:30It's one of those things where you watch your friends be talented
12:33And you're just
12:35It's revolting
12:36I want to push him down the stairs
12:39Let's not do that
12:40But he'll feel the same way about you
12:42He will
12:43Maybe
12:44He really will
12:45I don't
12:46Please tell me when we can come and see the concert
12:50Tuesday, March 24th through March 29th at the London Palladium
12:54It's so exciting
12:55I can't wait
12:56I cannot wait
12:57Fantastic
12:57Yeah, you can go
13:06You at the Palladium, we have to talk about Avita
13:09You've just been nominated for an Olivier Award
13:10Congratulations
13:13Thank you
13:14Thank you
13:14Thank you
13:18Um
13:18Yeah, there she is
13:19This is when you came out to the balcony
13:22Yeah
13:22And you sang
13:23When they first told you that idea were you like
13:26Don't be ridiculous guys
13:27Oh no, I was like whatever we need to do
13:29Let's make it happen
13:30It was beyond my wildest dreams
13:31I never could have imagined
13:32There were more people on closing night outside
13:35Than there were sat inside
13:36Wow
13:37Unbelievable
13:38There were like 3,000 people I think outside for the final night
13:41It went all the way down to the Ikea
13:43On
13:44You guys
13:45Yeah
13:46Ikea
13:46Yeah
13:48And it was unbelievable
13:49And there's 2,200 seats in the Palladium roughly
13:51Wow
13:51So it was amazing
13:52And were there some nights that really stuck with you?
13:55Pride
13:56Yeah
13:56Was amazing
13:58Because everyone was so hammered
14:01That they were singing along incorrectly
14:05I had a
14:06We could see the building across from me on Argyle Street
14:08Which was it's a building with restaurants
14:10There's offices I'm sure
14:11Um
14:12And there was somebody who stood in the stairwell
14:15And just kind of mimicked my every move
14:18In my direct eye line
14:20It was hysterical
14:20I have to give kudos
14:21I don't know who they are
14:22Kudos to that man
14:24Thank you
14:25You saw Rachel didn't you?
14:26I did
14:27Crazy
14:27Why would you do that?
14:28It was the hottest ticket in town
14:30I had to pull a lot of strings
14:32To get in
14:33It was phenomenal
14:35If it makes you feel any better
14:36I am also disgusted by you
14:37Oh cool
14:38Yeah
14:39A lot of people are
14:40I was like
14:41The lungs
14:42And now you're funny as well
14:44I'm going to have to have you put down Rachel
14:45That's alright
14:46Everyone say goodbye to Rachel
14:49Bye
14:49We have somebody here
14:51I believe
14:52Who is about to play Evita at the Swan
14:55Where are you?
14:56Rosie are you here?
14:58Rosie
14:58Hello
14:58Hi darling
15:00Rosie number one good luck
15:01When does it start?
15:0321st of April
15:04So soon
15:05Yeah
15:05Oh my god are you excited?
15:07Yeah
15:07It's the time of your life
15:08Yeah
15:08This is the most exciting part
15:10Do you get enough water breaks?
15:12Um
15:13Yeah
15:14I know
15:15Baby I know
15:17Because I had this really fun thing
15:19Where I didn't have any costume changes
15:20Where usually as Eva Peron
15:22I'm sure you have a lot of costume changes
15:24Yeah
15:24Drink during those
15:26Yes
15:26Because I didn't have any of those
15:28And I had to beg for water breaks to be choreographed in
15:30Olivier nominee Fabian Aloise
15:32Should win just because he choreographed water breaks into my choreography
15:36And I bet those who saw it didn't even notice
15:40Right
15:40So
15:42But it's the time of your life
15:43Just take it with you
15:44It's so much fun
15:45You'll remember it for a lifetime
15:46Yeah
15:47Good luck
15:47Good luck Rick
15:50Thank you
15:51Thank you
15:51So fun
15:54Your Evita broke records
15:56It was the longest standing ovation ever in the West End
16:00How long did it go?
16:01Over ten minutes?
16:02Over ten minutes on closing night for sure
16:03But it was a
16:04It was one of those moments where I was used to doing
16:07I did Shakespeare in New York
16:09Like you don't get a standing o for everything
16:11But in New York it's very much a part of the culture
16:14After the show has done everybody stands
16:15And I was told many times before the run started like well just you know
16:20It doesn't mean they don't like it if they don't stand
16:22It doesn't mean that because London audiences are a lot more reserved which I for one really love
16:26And we got a standing ovation every night
16:29And it was bizarre to everybody in the company that that was what was going on
16:33And the closing night was I think it was like twelve minutes?
16:36It went over the the record which was ten
16:39How do you what face do you pull?
16:42There are many videos of me turning to James Olivas who plays Peron where I go
16:47I don't know what to do
16:49I don't know what to do
16:51And also like I said didn't really have any time off stage
16:54I had to pee so bad
16:57That I would always be like Alan wrap it up
16:59Because we were waiting for a reprise of money kept rolling in to come in
17:03So that we could dance off the stage and it just never came
17:06And so there are also videos of me being like I have to pee
17:11I'm like saying that to my classmates
17:12Because you had water breaks
17:13I've got
17:13You've had water breaks and you're not wearing a nappy
17:15I had exactly
17:16I had very rare water breaks so when I could drink water
17:20You best believe I was chugging
17:22Yeah
17:22So it was one of those where I had to pee so bad at the end of that
17:25It's a three hour musical
17:26And I did not leave the stage once
17:29The only time I left the stage was to go get ready to go do the balcony
17:31And then I came right back onto the stage so I didn't have any time to pee during the show
17:35Rachel you need a shiwi
17:36I used a glass to breathe
17:39Not that I used it
17:40Very effective
17:42I really recommend
17:43Yeah
17:44Now guys
17:45We need to converse about Bait
17:48It's a brand new show for Prime Video
17:51That's great
17:52This is a creation of Riz Ahmed
17:54I've known Riz for quite some time
17:56I knew him before I even stumbled into this
17:58And he's been really honest
18:00It's a real honest story of what it's like for a guy from a working class family in Wembley
18:05To have done all the stuff he's done
18:07But every time that big role comes
18:09That big opportunity comes
18:11Something goes wrong
18:12Or it doesn't quite happen
18:14And it was wicked to work on it with him
18:16Because it's so honest
18:18It's a lot of his real life and his real story
18:20So yeah, it's got a lot of humor
18:21It's completely crazy
18:22That's how Riz likes to do his stuff
18:24And I think it's very unique
18:26Something that people won't have seen before for sure
18:28This is about Riz going for Bond, right?
18:31He has an audition
18:32And it's like
18:33It's four days
18:34That's the story of Bait, isn't it?
18:36Can I tell you the truth?
18:37Yeah
18:38I'm not really sure
18:42Because I'm a truthful person, okay?
18:45It's a month of Ramadan, I've got to tell the truth, okay?
18:47Yep
18:47I'll be reading my words
18:50And then I'll go to sleep
18:51That's all I do
18:52Now
18:55Come on, Abby
18:55Come on, Abby
18:56Come on, Abby
18:58Come on, Abby
18:59My line
19:00My line
19:00My line
19:00My line
19:01Can I just tell you that the PR for the show
19:03I just heard her back there bang her head against the dick
19:07It's really good though
19:08I can tell you that
19:09It's really good
19:09Should we have a clip?
19:10If you want, yeah
19:11Yeah, why not?
19:12So go on
19:13Calm down, it's just an audition, yeah?
19:15Call me if you need a body double for sex scenes
19:17But it's not
19:18Can you tell her to call me soon?
19:20She comes back in
19:21Yes
19:22Okay, bye
19:24Phone her
19:25I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing
19:27I've just got to sort this out
19:28And work it out
19:30Cause
19:31Yo, yo
19:32Look at me
19:33I'm proud of you
19:35Yeah?
19:36James
19:37Come on, my guy
19:38Come on
19:40But do they know about height?
19:42What do you mean?
19:43What do you mean?
19:44They're going to give you special shoes like James was a big enemy
19:50I'm just saying it
19:51For you
19:54Yes
19:55Come on
19:56Come on
19:58Come on
19:58Come on
20:01Look, I have to say it
20:03He is short
20:05He is short, Aries
20:07So, you know, there's certain criteria that I believe you have to hit to be James Bond
20:11And they killed him at number one
20:13He can't even help that
20:14It's not his fault he didn't get the right level of protein in when he was a kid
20:16You can't make a difference on somebody
20:18Bless Riz Ahmed
20:19Can I say that we should have a short James Bond?
20:21Because how are you going to be so tall and sneak it around like a secret agent?
20:24Exactly
20:25I don't see it
20:26I've been saying that for years
20:31Where did you first meet him?
20:32Where did I first meet Riz Ahmed?
20:34For legal purposes, I've been asked to frame this story
20:39To go back like 20 years
20:41Could be a little bit more
20:43And I'm from Coventry
20:44I still live there
20:45And I, before I did this, had different vocations
20:49Mm-hmm
20:50One of my vocations
20:53Was
20:55Selling tulips
20:56Let's go with that
20:58Let's go with that
20:59What beautiful tulips they were
21:00Right?
21:01I was a flower
21:02People really liked the flowers
21:03Every time they'd say
21:04Brother, this flower is the best flower I ever smelt in my whole life
21:08OK?
21:10I was in an alleyway
21:11With my still best friend till this day
21:13And a gentleman comes running into the alleyway
21:16And when you're selling tulips late at night
21:17Everyone's on edge
21:18Yes?
21:21Go with it guys
21:22I looked down the alleyway
21:24And there's Riz Ahmed
21:26But I didn't know it was Riz Ahmed
21:27And Riz Ahmed was a little bit nervous about the activity of floristry in this particular alleyway
21:33But to his credit
21:34Riz decided to venture down there to me and my friend
21:37And said
21:38My brothers
21:39I'm about to spit some bars
21:40In the Students' Union
21:42Would you like to join me?
21:44And I looked at my friend and said
21:45Probably not, man
21:46These tulips ain't gonna sell themselves, brothers
21:48You better just
21:49My friend who's a good person
21:51He's a good geezer
21:53He said
21:53No, we should support this guy
21:54He looks kind of stressed
21:55So we accompanied him to the Students' Union
21:58This is Oscar winning Riz Ahmed
21:5920 years ago
22:00And he performed
22:02Quite okay-ish rap music
22:05To a group of six people
22:07In Coventry Students' Union
22:10And ten years later
22:11When I started doing like comedy and silly stuff like that
22:14He messaged me
22:15And he goes
22:15But can I ask you a question?
22:18I said, yeah
22:19He said
22:20Did you used to sell tulips?
22:23In an alleyway in Coventry
22:25And I said
22:26Who are you the police?
22:28No, wait
22:30And that's the story of how me and Riz Ahmed
22:32I mean
22:36Crazy luck, right?
22:37He invites me to Eid every year
22:39Yeah, he does
22:40He's a good lad
22:41I can't
22:41I'm gonna miss it this year because I'm here
22:43But Riz invites me to
22:44Like they do Eid in New York
22:46They do an Eid banquet
22:47And I'm missing it this year
22:48And I'm very sad
22:49But he's so
22:50The assaults of the earth
22:51He's a good guy
22:51He's gonna have great flowers
22:52Yeah
22:53On the table
22:53Great tulips
22:55Loads of tulips
22:57And you've worked with another one of your best friends
23:00Who's that?
23:01On this
23:01It's Lumbu
23:02Mmm
23:03Because there's this show that I find very difficult to say
23:06So I'm gonna go very slowly
23:07Gus Khan's custom cars
23:08Quite tricky to say
23:09Well done
23:10Gus Khan's custom cars
23:11And you do it with Lumbu
23:13And it is really funny
23:16Look at that
23:16I know nothing about cars
23:18Tell me about this show
23:19Well this show came about because I do like cars
23:23Always have
23:24When we were younger
23:25Just growing up in a working class family in Cov
23:27The idea of owning a car that was more than 750 pounds
23:31Was a bit of a dream
23:32Okay?
23:33And now you get to a stage in your career
23:35Where you can say to people
23:36Oh like cars
23:38Can we make a television show about it?
23:40Please somebody
23:40And I was lucky enough for someone to say yeah
23:42But in my head I always wanted my best friend to come along on this journey with me
23:45My best friend is Lumbu
23:46To describe Lumbu
23:48He is a human sunflower
23:50Are we talking real flowers this time?
23:52Yeah, yeah
23:53Yeah, yeah
23:53Real flowers
23:55Making sure
23:56Well I'm from B&Q
23:56Plant them in the ground
23:57Real legit
23:59There he is
24:00Oh
24:00Handsome boy
24:02But you know
24:03You realise
24:04When you bring your friends to make television
24:06They don't really respect the rules
24:09Tell me more
24:09So like if a call time is at 8.30 in the morning
24:13Uh oh
24:14And your friend turns up at 2.30 in the afternoon
24:17Right
24:18That probably isn't good for the rules, right?
24:21Yeah
24:21And it looks bad on you
24:23It looks terrible on me
24:24Sort of love him for it
24:25What was he doing?
24:26What was he doing until 2.30?
24:28Yeah
24:28Sleeping
24:28Oh wow
24:30Guess he was tired
24:31I respect it
24:32I gotta respect it
24:33Yeah
24:33But it's an amazing thing to go on
24:35Like we've been messing around since we were kids
24:36Uh and then we went on this journey to create this incredible custom car
24:40I'd never done that before
24:41But we did realise by the end of the show
24:43That he had created a car
24:46That based on his six foot four length
24:49And my 18 stone weight
24:52We couldn't fit in
24:54Now there's a custom car
24:55Somewhere in the streets of Coventry
24:57Rotting in a car park
24:57If anybody wants it
24:58Go and take it
25:00It was a fun journey
25:01Really fun journey
25:02I cannot recommend it enough
25:03It's really
25:03I don't know anything about cars
25:05Yeah
25:05But I was howling
25:06By the way you two talk to each other
25:08By the way you talking
25:09There was something about an exhaust pipe
25:10Didn't know what I was
25:11I was in
25:12Yeah
25:13I was in
25:14Where can people watch
25:16I don't know what channel it's on
25:17But you'll find it
25:19It's on Discovery Plus
25:20Is it?
25:20Yeah
25:22And Bait
25:23Amazon for sure
25:24Correct
25:25Fine video for Bait
25:27And you can witness Riz Ahmed
25:28I assume
25:30Go on to win an Emmy
25:31Because he's incredible in it
25:32Support the show
25:33It's got proper British flavour
25:35It's got proper energy and humour
25:38Just enjoy it
25:39OK
25:39Thank you
25:41Thank you very much
25:44Before you got into comedy
25:46And before all of this
25:48You were a teacher
25:50I was a teacher
25:51What kind of a teacher were you?
25:54A shit one
25:55I don't believe that
25:58I just don't believe that
26:00What did
26:01I believe that
26:02I believe that
26:02I believe that
26:04You can see it
26:05That tracks me
26:06Yeah sure
26:07What did you teach?
26:08Well
26:09Here's the thing
26:10So when you do your PGCE
26:12Yeah
26:12Specialised in teaching
26:14You do that in a specific subject
26:17Or set of subjects
26:19I never got round to teaching those specific sets of subjects
26:22Nice
26:23So like I was basically like a really good big brother forward slash that fun uncle
26:29Yeah
26:29Around school
26:30And I would like to hope
26:31To think maybe that I had contributed in a positive way to the children of Grace Academy in Coventry
26:36If I didn't and your favourite GCSEs I apologise
26:39That is the plot to School of Rock without the music
26:42Yeah
26:42Exactly
26:43Can I tell you something?
26:45Yeah
26:45Your students loved you
26:46Did they love me?
26:47They loved you
26:48Would you like to say hello to them?
26:49No stop it
26:50I'm gonna cry
26:51Shut the front door
26:52I'm gonna cry
26:52Good man
26:54What?
26:56Hey Mr. Cut
26:58Hey Mr. Cut
26:59Yeah
27:01Here's another one
27:02Yeah
27:02Come in you y'all
27:04Come in you
27:05Come in you
27:07Come in you
27:08Oh my
27:10Oh my
27:10Oh my
27:11Oh my
27:12Oh my
27:13Oh my
27:17Oh my
27:21Oh my
27:22Oh my
27:22Oh my
27:23Oh my
27:23Oh my
27:24Oh my
27:24I know
27:25You bought all the brown ones
27:27What?
27:30Left on the poor white kids at home in Coventry
27:32I love you too
27:33Sit man please
27:33Have a seat on the sofa
27:34Let's see
27:34Oh that's brilliant
27:35Oh sit
27:36Hello
27:37Hello
27:39Can I sit next to the mirror
27:40Yeah you can sit next to the mirror
27:41I'm sitting here
27:43I've loved having a laugh with you, but to hear their stories about how brilliant you were
27:48I don't want to embarrass you. We've gone a bit
27:51weird
27:54You were much better
27:56Than you're saying because Simran, what did he do for you?
28:00You know what as you see mr
28:02Khan, yeah in TV was just like how he was in school. Yeah, I remember the first time I had
28:08him in a class
28:09Yeah, he goes, Oi Simran, come here, and I was like I thought I was in trouble
28:15Right, he was like I can't be asked to do the presentation slide next button you sit there and you
28:20do it for me
28:25The thing is I was quite shy up until I had mr
28:29Khan as my teacher and again he was that fun uncle
28:32Vibes right where he made me feel comfortable and I started to gain a bit of confidence from that but
28:37even
28:37After he left knowing what he pursued was enough to inspire myself to pursue
28:45Something different, you know when you come from Coventry and you come from a South Asian background
28:49You're not always pushed to do something creative
28:51So now, you know, I went to uni I passed
28:54Yeah
29:04You contributed more than you think
29:06Oh
29:07You see
29:07Oh
29:09Come on
29:13I want the family, are you okay?
29:17Please tell us about Mr. Khan
29:18Why are you sweating so much?
29:21I don't know what I'm allowed to say, I'm not allowed to say in it
29:26Oh
29:26Brother got tulips in his inside pocket
29:27I don't know what it is
29:31Now, you know what it is?
29:32This guy
29:33He made us all feel like you can go out and do anything that you want
29:36Coventry's
29:38Coventry's going for tulips
29:40So
29:41Brilliant
29:42Well done
29:43Everyone there in some sort of florist, some one way or another
29:46No one really thinks of Coventry and thinks
29:50Oh yeah, like someone's going to come out of there
29:52So to see somebody go out and do it like
29:53I'll be the first one to say it and everyone in Coventry has guzzers back in
29:56Like we're super proud of what you've done
29:59Come on
30:06Thank you so much, Simran, Navi
30:09Thank you
30:10Thank you
30:10Thank you
30:11Thank you
30:17That was brilliant
30:19Come on
30:20That was beautiful
30:23Is that nice?
30:25That was so nice
30:26I never marked a book in my life
30:28I don't know
30:31It was so lovely
30:32Thank you so much for coming
30:33Thank you, you too
30:34Jo-am, tell me
30:35Your tour
30:36You keep adding more dates
30:38You are playing huge arenas
30:41Pinot file
30:42There it is
30:44Pinot file
30:45I file Pinot
30:47It's a fun pun
30:48It has made getting press a little difficult
30:50So I'm delighted to be here, Claudia
30:52Thank you
30:54Not every BBC show would take me with a name like that
30:58You're doing huge venues
31:00Fun or ever so slightly scary?
31:02It's a great crack
31:02Yeah
31:03Sometimes I think it gets a reputation for being this kind of feral
31:09I'll give you an example
31:10Because it's a predominantly female audience
31:12Okay
31:13But a man messaged me
31:14And he was like
31:15Is it safe for me to come?
31:16And I was like
31:17Oh my god
31:18They obviously think I'm running some sort of cannibalistic
31:21Like we're putting men in cauldrons and boiling them
31:24And then drinking their bone broth or something
31:25Which I would do for a Netflix special
31:27I think
31:28But no, it's great
31:29I love it
31:30Like I love gigging
31:31I love travelling around
31:32Living out of a suitcase
31:33Yeah
31:34We should say
31:35You broke records
31:36For the longest ever standing ovation
31:37At the Palladium
31:38You broke a different record
31:39Well, Rachel
31:41I too played the London Palladium
31:43And broke a record
31:44Come on
31:45It was for wine cells
31:54Cheers, my dear
31:56So maybe they wanted to stand for me too, Rachel
31:59But they couldn't because they were too pissed
32:02But I love your fans
32:03Isn't it true that every venue are like
32:05I just
32:05Not in a bad way
32:06I just want to warn you
32:07Like have you got white wine?
32:09Have you got Prosecco?
32:10And they're like
32:11Yeah, we've got enough
32:11And you're like
32:13We're similar women
32:14The women coming
32:15A little bit of
32:15You know
32:15We like a drink
32:17Yeah
32:18Bit of undiagnosed ADHD
32:20Like there's a vibe
32:21Yeah
32:22Mentally feral
32:23Physically groomed
32:23You know
32:24We might eat out of a bin on a weekend
32:26That's the vibe of the show
32:30You know
32:30Like it is what it is
32:36You know you're talking about wee bricks
32:38We're going to need one after this
32:41Peanophile
32:42On sale now
32:51You're doing one of these shows
32:53And you also would like to adopt a dog
32:55I bought a house
32:56Finally on the ladder
32:57I have a garden
32:58Lovely
32:59I was like I'll obviously
33:00I'll rescue a dog
33:01Because that's what you do
33:02I adopt
33:02Also I'm adopted myself
33:03So I feel it's only fair to pay it forward
33:05Yeah
33:05And em
33:09True
33:13I'm a rescue dog
33:15I'm a rescue dog
33:15I'm a rescue dog
33:16Yeah
33:17So I would always rescue
33:19I would never buy new
33:20And em
33:22Shame on you for having your own children Claudia
33:24You should have done
33:25How dare you
33:27So anyway
33:28I rang up
33:29And it is so hard
33:31Yeah
33:32And I'll probably get rinsed for saying this
33:34But like I was like
33:35Blah blah blah
33:36I want to adopt a little
33:37And they were like
33:38Do you have a car?
33:39And I was like
33:39No
33:40I said I have access to an e-scooter
33:43And they were like
33:44If you don't have a car
33:45And I was like
33:46They're like you can't adopt a dog
33:47And I was like
33:48What am I driving it to?
33:49It's piano lessons
33:51If you
33:52Because I couldn't
33:53If you don't have a garden
33:53They don't
33:54But I have a garden
33:55Yeah fine
33:56Then you can have a whole litter
33:58Hive
33:58I don't know
34:02So you have these lovely fans
34:04What is the wildest thing your fans have ever done?
34:08Em
34:08One time in the Apollo
34:10I could sense there was like
34:11A kerfuffle
34:14In one of the balconies
34:15And I was like
34:15What is going on?
34:16It's kind of distracting
34:16And you're like
34:16What's going on?
34:17You don't want to stop the show
34:19But you're dying to know the tea
34:20Of what's happening
34:21Yes
34:22And em
34:22There was a woman taken out
34:24Again
34:25I'm not really selling the show here
34:26I'm worse than you
34:28There was a woman taken out
34:29By her arms and her legs
34:31Like Carrie Day
34:31Yeah
34:33Oh lord
34:34Yeah
34:34I was like
34:35I'm raging
34:35I miss that
34:36That would have been worth stopping the show for
34:38I think her bag fell over the balcony
34:41And she was trying to get it
34:42And they were worried she'd fall
34:43And I don't know
34:44Anyway look
34:44It's fine
34:47It's the same space
34:48It's the same space
34:49We put seat belts in the balconies now
34:50They're strapped in
34:52They can't move
34:53Um
34:54Now Jo-am
34:55Your fans are a bit like a cult
34:57They love you
34:58Would you be up for joining one?
34:59Because I definitely would
35:00I have a cult vibe
35:02I'm suggestible
35:04I'd be
35:05Easily
35:05Like I think I'm involved in an aloe vera pyramid already
35:08Which is kind of
35:10Mushing on
35:11Cult vibes
35:12I like
35:13I like the sense of camaraderie
35:14Yeah
35:15Do you?
35:15Yeah and you don't have to die alone
35:16You die in a gang
35:18And everyone drinks the poison
35:20But I'm such a boozer
35:20I'll probably just completely survive
35:22And live
35:23I'll wake up
35:23I'll be dead
35:24I'll pop a salpity
35:25And get on with my day
35:26I do
35:27My agent won't book hotels
35:28Near Scientology centres
35:30Because he's like
35:31You'll go in
35:31Really?
35:32I don't like cults
35:34Yeah?
35:34Don't want to be part of them
35:35Don't like reading about them
35:36Don't like watching Netflix
35:37Documentions about them
35:38They're scary
35:39You've got a cult vibe
35:40Me?
35:41Yeah
35:42I would
35:43I would
35:44Join
35:44Oh you mean as the leader of a cult?
35:46Yes your leader vibes
35:47Yes
35:47I'm very follower vibes
35:49Yeah your leader vibes
35:51The glasses and all
35:51Come on
35:52The glasses
35:55Guys
35:55Here's the thing
35:56Tell us about when
35:57You went on holiday
35:59The first time I went to America
36:01It was for work
36:02I've never been to America
36:04In my life
36:05I always thought I'd struggle to get in
36:06So like
36:08He and Irish basketball
36:10He and Irish basketball
36:10He and Irish basketball
36:11Two of them
36:12Two of them
36:13Two of them
36:13No
36:13You don't need the bunny Niall
36:16If I tried to get into America as Niall
36:19I would be in Guantanamo Bay for the rest of my life
36:22Can you imagine that?
36:24Can you imagine that?
36:26Yeah I was in One Direction
36:28Yeah
36:30You all laugh but he's not wrong
36:33I live there
36:36Where were you going?
36:37To Los Angeles
36:38OK
36:39And so I said to my wife
36:40And the kids are like
36:40This is going to be an incredible trip
36:42Let's do it there
36:42Of course let's do it mate
36:44And I'm like
36:44Yo
36:45This is exciting
36:47Let me book somewhere incredible
36:49In the Hollywood Hills
36:50I love my wife and my children
36:52And then I saw how much it cost to book somewhere in the Hollywood Hills
36:55I don't love them that much
36:56So I went on the Airbnb list
36:59And I found somewhere that looked sick
37:01And it had an exciting name
37:03It was called Topanga
37:04Topanga Canyon
37:05Topanga Canyon
37:06Is that what?
37:07Yes?
37:07Yeah
37:07OK so Topanga Canyon
37:08Now it sounds exciting
37:09Yeah
37:10I went on the list
37:10And it had no ratings
37:12But it looked sick
37:13And it was cheap
37:13No ratings
37:14Yeah I know
37:15I'm an idiot
37:16You've met me now
37:17You've been sitting next to me
37:17You know how this stuff goes
37:18You've been terrible on a call
37:20So I booked it
37:21And we got to the airport
37:23And there's a wonderful driver
37:25That was there to pick us up
37:25And he said
37:26So brother where you going?
37:27And I was like
37:28Oh here Topanga
37:28He went
37:29Oh
37:31I said
37:31Why you say
37:32Oh
37:32Or like that
37:33He said
37:33Brother man
37:34I'm saying
37:35Brothers like me and you
37:37We don't be in Topanga
37:40Immediate worrying sign
37:41But I thought
37:41Anyway
37:42It's cheap
37:43Two of the kids are asleep
37:44One's vomiting in the back
37:45Let's just get to Topanga
37:46OK?
37:47So we're heading up to Topanga
37:48And it's very
37:49It's very like
37:51Uphilly
37:51Yeah?
37:52There's a lot of altitude
37:53And we're travelling there
37:54And he's telling me
37:55All these terrible stories
37:55About man shit
37:56Man there ain't nothing round here
37:59I said
37:59Where's the hospital?
38:00He said
38:00Shit I don't know man
38:02I don't know about nothing round here
38:03But we should be here
38:04Anyway
38:05I'm listening to this geezer bang on
38:06And we get to the house
38:07Pitch black
38:09There's all noises of crickets
38:10And
38:11I don't know what was going on
38:12There was push push push
38:14All kinds of animals
38:15I never heard in my life
38:15OK?
38:16I thought there was people in the bushes
38:17Going
38:17But no it wasn't
38:20So
38:21It's pitch black
38:22And the instructions to get in this property
38:23Are a bit weird
38:24Yeah?
38:25You've got to go round the back
38:26And there's no lights
38:27But there were
38:28Like security cameras
38:30All over this house
38:31Right?
38:31So
38:32We're walking around
38:33And then my kids
38:35Wherever they're walking
38:36This camera's going
38:37Zzzz
38:37Yeah definitely
38:39Sketch as hell
38:40Right?
38:40So my son's like
38:41Dad the camera's following me
38:42I said shut up man
38:42You don't know what's going on
38:43Later night
38:45So
38:46We managed
38:47We managed
38:48We managed to get in the house
38:49And my middle son Lispy
38:50He's called that
38:51Because he's got a lisp
38:52So Lispy's in the house
38:54You're making that up?
38:56No
38:56So Lispy's in the house
38:57And Lispy's like
38:58Yeah we love him
38:59But you know
39:00He's got a lispy
39:01So we're in the house
39:03Brother's got a lispy
39:04So Lispy's in his house
39:06And Lispy's like
39:06His dad Lispy gets feelings
39:07Lispy's like
39:08Dad's man
39:08Dad's
39:11This place is weird dad's
39:12And I'm like
39:13Shut up son man
39:13Your mum's already angry at me
39:15There's no electricity in the house
39:16It's just dark in here
39:16Anyway
39:17So we found a couple lights
39:18All the mood light in
39:19But like Lispy's there
39:20Touching the walls
39:21Dad draw the walls hollow
39:23I said
39:23Sometimes walls be like that son
39:26So he's in the house
39:28Everyone's like
39:29Trying to settle in
39:31To this good vibe
39:32Okay
39:32I've got the feeling
39:34My wife's looking like
39:35Why your eyes so wide
39:36I'm like
39:36Lispy says there's something weird
39:37In the house
39:38I don't know what's going on
39:39And so Lispy's run up the stairs
39:41He's touching all the walls
39:42Upstairs
39:42And he come back down
39:44He goes
39:44Dad
39:45Dad I want to show you something dad
39:49So
39:49I've gone upstairs with Lispy
39:51And my wife is like
39:53Shit I should have never married you
39:54And then
39:57We've gone upstairs
39:58And then over there's a room
40:00And he's managed to get it open
40:02So it was locked
40:03But Lispy's managed
40:04He's very resourceful
40:06Lispy
40:07He's managed to get it open
40:08And in the
40:09In the
40:09I swear to God
40:10In the centre of the room
40:11Was a cabinet
40:12A very ornate
40:14Cabinet
40:15No
40:15And I was like Lisp
40:17Where you find this
40:17Because I don't know
40:18It's in the room
40:20He's like
40:21He's like
40:21Look at this
40:22Because it was not up at the door
40:24But I was yanked on it now
40:26He goes
40:27Look at what's inside dad
40:28He's opened it double handed
40:33He's gone
40:34Dads
40:35Dads
40:36What's all that red stuff
40:37No
40:38No
40:38And in this cupboard
40:40In the middle of this
40:41No
40:41Already creepy Airbnb
40:43There are vials of blood
40:47Lined up all across there
40:49What?
40:49He said dad
40:51Dad don't look good
40:53I said that is not good
40:55We left the house
40:56Immediately
40:57I called the driver
40:58And the driver said
40:59Brother I told you man
41:01We ain't supposed to be right here
41:03Oh my
41:03Never went back together
41:05Bloody hell
41:08We're lucky to be alive
41:09Right?
41:11The weird TV is like
41:12Days later
41:13Like the Airbnb listing was gone
41:16So big up Lispy
41:19He's the new love of my life
41:21Yeah, genuinely
41:22Right, so
41:23We have almost come to the end
41:25But before we close
41:27This is quite a lot of pressure
41:28But I just need to ask
41:29The first date
41:31I think it's been good
41:32Yeah
41:33We didn't ruin it then
41:34No
41:34Not at all
41:35I don't know what we're going to do
41:36For the next date
41:37Like
41:37Graham?
41:44I can sort that out for you
41:46Thank you
41:47But maybe next time
41:48I don't know
41:49A dough ball
41:50And a drink
41:52If you're still together
41:53At the end of the year
41:54You can come and watch my show
41:55Even if you like it or not
41:56Do you want to come see a musical about divorce?
41:59I would love it
41:59Yeah
42:00We'll do that
42:02Awesome
42:02Great
42:03I was going to say
42:04Should we be carried out in all fours?
42:06What else can we do?
42:07From a balcony at the hammers with Apollo?
42:10I could do that
42:10Do you want to come to yourself in tulips?
42:22That is it
42:23We are off to play swing ball and talk more about tulips
42:27I would like to thank my wonderful guests
42:29Joanne McNally
42:31Oh yeah
42:31Oh yeah
42:32Gus Conn
42:34Rachel Zeglar
42:35And Nia Warren
42:39We are back next week when I'll be joined by
42:42Jimmy Carr, Chase Infinity and Lisa Kudrow
42:46Thank you for watching
42:46Goodnight
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