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The.Claudia.Winkleman.Show.S01E02
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00:00Now you two, are you on a first date?
00:03We, yeah, we are.
00:04We are.
00:05We are.
00:10No one else didn't want to spend it with.
00:11I don't know about you guys, I now have 18 questions.
00:14Where did you, where did you meet?
00:16We met at Gaines Run Club, which is essentially 200 gay men
00:21running down the Thames on a Saturday morning.
00:23Hot.
00:23Yeah, and I was like really sweaty and beetroot faced.
00:28Yeah.
00:28And he asked me out.
00:31And here you are.
00:32Here we are.
00:33I feel good about this.
00:34I've got a good feeling about it.
00:35If you do get married, are we all invited?
00:38You're officiating it.
00:40Fine.
00:41I really hope this is your last date.
00:43Um.
00:44Um.
00:44Um.
00:44Um.
00:45Um.
00:48Um.
01:04Um.
01:05So time.
01:07Hello and welcome to the show.
01:10Thank you so much for joining us.
01:12I've just met a man who has a tattoo of a chicken nugget on his leg.
01:17Just some information.
01:18Some take out.
01:19If you will.
01:20We have an audience and some very lovely guests.
01:23And joining us on the sofa.
01:25She is a comedian and award winning podcaster who's currently breaking records with her latest
01:31stand-up tour.
01:32It's Joanne McNally.
01:36Hello.
01:38Hello.
01:39Hello.
01:40Hello.
01:42Hello.
01:42He's the best nominated creator and star of Man Like Mo Bean.
01:47He's now appearing in the Prime series, Bait.
01:50It's Gus Kahn.
01:55Hello.
01:56Adorable.
02:00She is a Golden Globe winner for West Side Story, an Olivier Award nominee for Evita,
02:07and now she's back at the London Palladium.
02:10It's Rachel Zegler.
02:12Yay!
02:13Can you hear that?
02:15Yay!
02:18Yay!
02:20And he's the singer-songwriter who found global boy band success with One Direction.
02:26He's now a chart-topping solo artist who's sold over 90 million records.
02:32Back with a brand new album.
02:34It's Niall Horace.
02:38Don't do that.
02:40It's you.
02:41Oh.
02:43Oh.
02:45Come on!
02:46Come on!
02:48Come on!
02:55Woo!
02:58Does that always happen, just screaming?
03:00Every single day of my life
03:02I'm just walking into the shop
03:04Drink, drink, have a beer
03:06I'm not gonna lie, I'm shitting myself Claudia
03:08No, I'll be honest
03:10You should be, I have quite a few things to bring up with you
03:13But, I'm joking
03:14Before that
03:16It was St. Patrick's Day this week
03:18Niall, St. Patrick's Day, is it a big deal in your world?
03:22Yeah
03:23We, I think how powerful Ireland is like culturally around the world
03:28I'm like a little flag bearer going around with you
03:30Two of us just going around London just going, we're from Ireland
03:34And we love being Irish so we're happy to celebrate any day to be honest
03:38But Paddy's Day is another excuse isn't it?
03:40It's definitely growing legs worldwide
03:42We're kind of the favourite, we're the favourite people
03:46And you know I know that
03:47Because I did a bit of digging and the passport, the Irish passport
03:51Is the most expensive passport on the dark web
03:55Swear to god
03:56Guess how much it's worth?
03:58200 grand
04:00You can sell them
04:01Niall, you can sell yours when you run out of money
04:04Now I don't have the dark web but once I figure out how to get on that
04:07I'm going to sell mine and drive around in a Lamborghini made of lobster bound
04:11While some Russian gangster guy is going through American immigration without a bother on them
04:17I might not look like her, but I am her
04:20Yeah, you just get the bangs, big shoulder pads, you'd be grand
04:23Yeah, done
04:24Um, Gus, do you have, do you love Ireland?
04:27I mean I love it but I don't 200 grand love it
04:29Yeah
04:30Yeah
04:31Oh, do you like it?
04:32Yeah, I like it
04:32It's nice
04:33So, Rachel, your best friend is your biggest fan
04:39Yeah, which I'm sure you get this a lot
04:41When I was growing up and One Direction was getting very popular
04:44Yeah
04:45I was getting into Les Miserables
04:46So I wasn't really
04:47Me too, me too
04:49I've seen it multiple times
04:50Yes, of course
04:51And my best friend, when I was a kid, I've known her since I was one
04:55Oh
04:55Her name is Carly and she had a cardboard cut out of you in her bedroom
05:00So when we had sleepovers, do you know who watched me sleep?
05:04Oh
05:05It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now
05:10It really is quite intense
05:14Hello to her
05:15Hi Carly
05:16Hello Carly
05:17Hi Diva
05:18Hi Diva
05:19Hi Diva
05:25Hi Diva
05:25Hi Diva
05:25Hi Diva
05:25Hi Diva
05:34Hi Diva
05:38Hi Diva
05:40Hi Diva
05:41Hi Diva
05:43Hi Diva
05:43Hi Diva
05:44Hi Diva
05:44Hi Diva
05:44Hi Diva
05:44Hi Diva
05:45Hi Diva
05:45Hi Diva
05:47Hi Diva
05:48Hi Diva
05:48Hi Diva
05:49Okay, and the singles dinner party it's out I believe now and it was written about a very special dinner
05:57party
05:57Wasn't yeah, I wrote this song. It's the lyric can it does it's like Ronsell
06:02It does exactly what it says in the tin. It tells you exactly what happened from from the night. I
06:07met my girlfriend
06:10She was a screaming
06:14She yeah, she was like a late addition to a party that was and
06:19Yeah, I just got chatting to her offered her a drink. We got chatting
06:24She says that we didn't kiss that night. I disagree. I think we did and
06:29It's one of those things that you don't expect
06:32To be to be writing about like a big once-in-a-lifetime moment and it kind of happened to
06:36me, which is pretty cool
06:37So I got to write about it
06:38Can I also just say the energy since you mentioned your incredible partner has changed?
06:44Yes
06:45Before it was all like
06:48As soon as you bought off Niall don't mention it. I wasn't going to bring it up course. I'm not
06:53bring it up. It's going very well in here
06:57By the way, I just met her she's this is gonna make it was divine
07:08Do you like dinner pop I'm nervous of a dinner party? I don't want a napkin in the shape of
07:14a swan
07:15Yeah, or place that I just worried that I'm gonna do something wrong. Do you love a dinner party?
07:20It's something that I've definitely gotten into the older I've gotten. It's one of those things. It's a it's a
07:25it's a coming-of-age thing
07:26Isn't it having a dinner party? It's like, I mean, I just sat down for dinner and
07:30Going up throw a pizza in the oven or something generally, but now that I'm older. I have dinner parties
07:36obviously
07:39You two where do we stand on dinner parties? I can't
07:43I can't cook shit
07:46Why would I remove jobs from the hard-working people at Nando's there's no need
07:52I receive my food. It's a wonderful transaction and there's no there's no dinner parties in my house. I got
07:58five kids man
08:01I'll attend I won't host I use my air fire to help my key you bring food. Will you like
08:06You bring stuff. Will you do a potluck? No. Okay. I'll arrive when the food has been done and just
08:10and the party is beginning
08:12Right, and I I'm the same as you Deliveroo. This is highly embarrassing, but obviously we're in it now
08:19Contacted me and asked me if I'd like a business account because they thought I was a company
08:26My problem with Deliveroo is I'll do an order you know you're in trouble when they deliver it with like
08:31four sets of chopsticks
08:36I need the noodles with my hands. Thanks for coming
08:40Now we have got a clip of the song
08:46So concrete
09:28Off the single the name and when it's out and then we can go to the single is dinner party
09:33It's out today and the album is coming very soon
09:44Niall, I found out some other information about you which I'm obsessed information about me the vogue you went through
09:51your beauty routine
09:57And by the way, it would not fit on these cards not even
10:03I
10:06There are 22 steps wait
10:09One you light a candle to set this home
10:14Give me a minute go on I'll give her a half an hour
10:19So there's a cold water splash pardon number nine is you play with big silver balls
10:28There are so many tell me what you actually do I do quite a few of them to be fair
10:32I'm quite I'm quite a big into the skin care do the ice water in the morning three or four
10:37dunks
10:40I
10:40I'm gonna action all the time
10:42Are you ready? We've got it
10:43A couple of moisturizers and like
10:47Serum a moisturizer as to have a spray
10:49Well, it's like a cold plunge for your face. Yeah, it's fucking he's actually 72 years old
10:54Yeah
10:56Amazing
10:58You did I'm so impressed. I'm used to dealing with lads who cleaned their face with a scrub daddy
11:02I've never
11:04I
11:07I
11:08Need to move up in the world
11:09Yeah
11:12Guys, what are you doing in the morning?
11:14By the way, look how immaculate that skin is
11:17Like I wash my face
11:21Sometimes you know sometimes some mornings is hard
11:23My wife puts that um
11:25Is it like a blackhead strip?
11:27What is that? Blackhead strip
11:29I don't know what it is but every time is
11:31Every time she puts it on
11:32She insists that she's the one to take it off
11:36And when she peels it she does the same thing every time she peels it looks at it and says
11:40disgusting
11:43So you know
11:45Satisfying though
11:46Like quick
11:49It depends on the mood
11:50Got it
11:51I think my plan is to
11:54Um
11:55Two-step skincare and then just eventually got a gorgeous Korean facelift. Yeah
12:00Wow
12:01We can all be doing it
12:03I want it. They just yank you up
12:05Yeah, they yank you up
12:06Yeah, yank you right off
12:07The problem is where did the folds go?
12:09Who cares about the folds?
12:11It goes into the back of your ears
12:12Right
12:12I want my eyes on my head
12:14I want so much plastic surgery when they cremate me I won't burn
12:16I'll just
12:19It just melts
12:20It melts
12:21Yeah
12:21I can't wait
12:27I just shrink
12:28Remember those crisp packets in the 90s you used to put in the oven and they just shrink
12:32That would be me
12:33Fingers crossed
12:34That's my goal
12:35Yeah
12:36It's a good goal
12:37I like it
12:37Thank you
12:38I want my eyes on the top of my head
12:39Yeah
12:41I want my ass on my back
12:42That's what I want
12:44I'm following you
12:45Yeah, of course
12:47Rachel, you're back in the UK
12:49Back in the Palladium
12:51Yeah
12:51And you're here for a very special week of concerts
12:54Yeah, I'm doing a week of concerts of the 25th anniversary of the musical The Last Five Years
12:59With my good friend Ben Platt
13:01There we are
13:02There's our faces
13:03Oh yeah
13:04And it's so so special
13:06Because it's directed by the writer and composer Jason Robert Brown
13:10Who will also be on stage conducting playing piano all those things
13:14And I've just been dying at the opportunity to work with my good friend Ben
13:17And I'm so excited
13:18So good
13:19What I love is when I came to see you earlier you were like I was watching Ben sing today
13:22He was amazing
13:23It's just it's actually disgusting
13:25Like it's expensive
13:27I'm mad about it
13:28Yeah, you get it
13:29It's like it's one of those things where you watch your friends be talented and you're just
13:34It's revolting
13:35I want to push him down the stairs
13:38Let's not do that
13:39But he'll feel the same way about you
13:41He will
13:42Maybe
13:43He really will
13:44I don't
13:46Please tell me when we can come and see the concert
13:49Tuesday March 24th through March 29th at the London Palladium
13:54It's so exciting
13:55I can't wait
13:55I cannot wait
13:56Fantastic
14:05You at the Palladium we have to talk about Evita
14:08You've just been nominated for an Olivier Award
14:10Congratulations
14:19This is when you came out to the balcony and you sang
14:22When they first told you that idea were you like don't be ridiculous guys
14:26Oh, no, I was like whatever we need to do. Let's make it happen
14:29It was beyond my wildest dreams
14:30I never could have imagined there were more people on closing night outside than there were sat inside
14:35Wow
14:37Unbelievable there were like 3,000 people I think outside for the final night it went all the way down
14:41to the IKEA
14:42On
14:44You guys
14:45Thank you
14:46Thank you
14:47Yeah
14:47And it was unbelievable and there's 2,200 seats in the Palladium roughly
14:50Wow
14:50So it was amazing
14:52And were there some nights that really stuck with you?
14:55Pride
14:55Yeah
14:56Was amazing
14:57Because everyone was so hammered
15:00That they were singing along incorrectly
15:04I had a we could see the building across from me on Argyle Street
15:08Which was it's a building with restaurants and there's offices I'm sure
15:11And there was somebody who stood in the stairwell and just kind of mimicked my every move
15:17In my direct eye line it was hysterical I have to give kudos I don't know who they are
15:21Kudos to that man thank you
15:24You saw Rachel didn't you?
15:26I did
15:26Crazy
15:26Why would you do that?
15:28It was not really now it was the hottest ticket in town
15:29I had to pull a lot of strings to get in
15:33It was phenomenal if it makes you feel any better I am also disgusted by you
15:36Oh cool
15:37Yeah
15:38A lot of people are
15:39I was like the lungs
15:41And now you're funny as well I'm going to have to have you put down Rachel
15:44That's alright
15:46Everyone say goodbye to Rachel
15:48Now we have somebody here I believe who is about to play Evita at the Swan in Worcester
15:55Where are you?
15:56Rosie are you here?
15:57Rosie!
15:57Hello!
15:58Hi darling
15:59Rosie number one good luck when does it start?
16:0221st of April
16:03So soon
16:04Yeah
16:04Oh my god are you excited?
16:06Yeah it's the time of your life
16:07Yeah
16:08This is the most exciting part do you get enough water breaks?
16:11Umm
16:13Yeah I know
16:14Baby I know
16:16Yeah
16:16Because I had this really fun thing where I didn't have any costume changes
16:20Where usually as Eva Perrone I'm sure you have a lot of costume changes
16:23Yeah
16:24Drink during those
16:25Yes
16:25Because I didn't have any of those and I had to beg for water breaks to be choreographed in
16:30Olivier nominee Fabien Eloise should win just because he choreographed water breaks into my choreography
16:35And I bet those who saw it didn't even notice
16:39Right
16:39So
16:41So
16:41But it's the time of your life just take it with you it's so much fun you'll remember it for
16:45a life man
16:46Good luck
16:47Good luck Rika Lange
16:49Rika Lange
17:08Rika Lange
17:09So fun
17:09I'm not standing over everything but in New York it's very much a part of the culture after the show
17:13is done everybody stands
17:14And I was told many times before the run started like well just you know it doesn't mean they don't
17:20like it if they don't stand
17:21It doesn't mean that because London audiences are a lot more reserved which I for one really love and we
17:27got a standing ovation every night
17:28And it was bizarre to everybody in the company that that was what was going on and closing night was
17:34I think it was like 12 minutes
17:35It went over the the record which was 10
17:39How do you what face do you pull?
17:42There are many videos of me turning to James Olivas who plays Peron where I go I don't know what
17:47to do
17:48I don't know what to do and also like I said didn't really have any time off stage
17:53I had to pee so bad that I would always be like Alan wrap it up because we were waiting
17:59for
17:59A reprise of money kept rolling in to come in so that we could dance off the stage and it
18:04just never came
18:05And so there are also videos of me being like I have to pee
18:10Because you had water breaks
18:11I've got you've had water breaks and you're not wearing a nappy
18:15I had exactly I had very rare water breaks so when I could drink water you best believe I was
18:20chugging
18:21Yeah, so it was one of those where I had to pee so bad at the end of that
18:24It's a three-hour musical and I did not leave the stage once the only time I left the stage
18:29was to go get ready to go
18:30Do the balcony and then I came right back onto the stage so I didn't have any time to pee
18:33during the show
18:34Rachel you need a shiwi I used a glass to breathe
18:38Not that I used it
18:40Very effective
18:41I highly recommend
18:42Yeah
18:44Now guys we need to converse about Bait
18:47It's a brand new show for Prime Video
18:50That's correct
18:51This is a creation of Riz Ahmed
18:53I've known Riz for quite some time
18:56I knew him before I even stumbled into this
18:57And he's been really honest
18:59It's a real honest story of what it's like for a guy from a working-class family in Wembley
19:05To have done all the stuff he's done
19:06But every time that big role comes that big opportunity comes
19:10Something goes wrong or it doesn't quite happen
19:13And it was wicked to work on it with him because it's so honest
19:17It's a lot of his real life and his real story
19:19So yeah, it's got a lot of humour
19:20It's completely crazy
19:22That's how Riz likes to do his stuff
19:23And I think it's very unique
19:25Something that people won't have seen before for sure
19:27This is about Riz going for Bond, right?
19:30He has an audition and it's four days
19:33That's the story of Bait, isn't it?
19:36Can I tell you the truth?
19:37Yeah
19:37I'm not really sure
19:39LAUGHTER
19:41Because I'm a truthful person, OK?
19:44It's a month of Ramadan, I've got to tell the truth, OK?
19:46Yep
19:47I'll be reading my words
19:49And then I go to sleep
19:50That's all I do
19:52LAUGHTER
19:54Come on, Ivy
19:55Other person, other person
19:56My line
19:57Other person, other person
19:58My line
19:59My line
20:00Can I just tell you that the PR for the show
20:02I just heard her back there bang her head against the thing
20:06It's really good, though
20:07I can tell you that
20:08It's really good
20:08Should we have a clip?
20:10If you want, yeah
20:10Yeah, why not?
20:11If you want
20:12Calm down, it's just an audition, yeah?
20:14Call me if you need a body double for sex scenes
20:16Hello?
20:17Hello?
20:18Can you tell her to call me as soon as she comes back in?
20:21Yes, she'll
20:21Yes, she'll
20:22OK, bye
20:23I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing
20:27I've just got to sort this out
20:28And work it out
20:30Because
20:30Yo, yo
20:31Look at me
20:32I'm proud of you
20:34Yeah
20:36James
20:36Come on, my guy
20:37Come on
20:38Let's see what happens
20:38Of course, inshallah
20:39But do they know about the height?
20:41What do you mean?
20:43Are they going to give you special shoes?
20:44Like James one's a big, isn't it?
20:50I'm just saying it
20:51For you
21:02Are you sure?
21:04Are you sure?
21:05Are you sure?
21:05Are you sure, Iris?
21:06So, you know, there's certain criteria that I believe you have to hit to be James Bond and they killed
21:11him at number one
21:12He can't even help that
21:13It's not his fault he didn't get the right level of protein in when he was a kid
21:15You can't make any kind of difference on somebody
21:17Yes, Riz Ahmed
21:18Can I say that we should have a short James Bond?
21:20Because how are you going to be so tall and sneaking around like a secret agent?
21:24Exactly
21:24I don't see it
21:25I've been saying that for years
21:30Where did you first meet him?
21:32Where did I first meet Riz Ahmed?
21:34For legal purposes, I've been asked to frame this story
21:38To go back like 20 years, could be a little bit more
21:42And I'm from Coventry, I still live there
21:45And I, before I did this, had different vocations
21:49One of my vocations was selling tulips
21:55Let's go with that
21:57Let's go with that
21:58What beautiful tulips they were
22:00Right?
22:00Yes
22:00I was a florist, people really like the flowers
22:02Every time they say, brother, this flower is the best flower I ever saw
22:06Smell in my whole life, okay?
22:09I was in an alleyway
22:10With my still best friend till this day
22:12And a gentleman comes running into the alleyway
22:15And when you're selling tulips late at night
22:16Everyone's on edge
22:17Of course
22:20Go with it, guys
22:21I looked down the alleyway
22:23And there's Riz Ahmed
22:25But I didn't know it was Riz Ahmed
22:26And Riz Ahmed was a little bit nervous
22:28About the activity of floristry in this particular alleyway
22:32But to his credit, Riz decided to venture down there
22:35To me and my friend
22:36And said
22:37My brothers
22:38I'm about to spit some bars
22:40In the Students' Union
22:41Would you like to join me?
22:43And I looked at my friend and said
22:44Probably not, man
22:45He's tulips ain't gonna sell themselves, brother
22:47You better just
22:47My friend who's a good person
22:51He's a good geezer
22:52He said
22:52No, we should support this guy
22:53He looks kind of stressed
22:54So we accompanied him
22:56To the Students' Union
22:57This is Oscar winning Riz Ahmed
22:5820 years ago
22:59And he performed
23:01Quite okay-ish rap music
23:04To a group of six people
23:06In Coventry Students' Union
23:09And ten years later
23:10When I started doing like comedy
23:12And silly stuff like that
23:13He messaged me
23:14And he goes
23:15But can I ask you a question?
23:17I said yeah
23:18He said
23:19Did you used to sell tulips?
23:23In an alleyway in Coventry
23:25And I said
23:25Who are you?
23:26The police
23:27Go away
23:29And that's the story
23:30Of how me and Riz Ahmed
23:31I mean
23:35Crazy life, right?
23:37He invites me to Eid every year
23:38Does he?
23:38Yeah, he does
23:39He's a good lad
23:40I can't
23:40I'm gonna miss it this year
23:41Because I'm here
23:42But Riz invites me to
23:44Like they do Eid in New York
23:45They do an Eid banquet
23:46And I'm missing it this year
23:47And I'm very sad
23:48But he's so
23:49He's salt to the earth
23:50He's gonna have great flowers
23:52Yeah
23:52Great tulips at Eid
23:54Loads of tulips
23:56And you've worked with another one of your best friends
24:00Who's that?
24:00On this
24:01Lumboo
24:02Because there's this show that I find very difficult to say
24:05So I'm gonna go very slowly
24:06Gus Kahn's Custom Cars
24:08Quite tricky to say
24:09Well done
24:09Gus Kahn's Custom Cars
24:10And you do it with Lumboo
24:12And it is really funny
24:15Look at that
24:15I know nothing about cars
24:17Tell me about this show
24:18Well this show came about because I do like cars
24:21I always have
24:23When we were younger
24:25When we were younger
24:25Just growing up in a working class family in Kav
24:27The idea of owning a car
24:29That was more than 750 pounds
24:31Was a bit of a dream
24:31Okay
24:32And now you get to a stage in your career
24:34Where you can say to people
24:35Oh like cars
24:37Can we make a television show about it?
24:39Please somebody
24:39And they were
24:40I was lucky enough for someone to say yeah
24:41But in my head
24:42I always wanted my best friend to come along on this journey with me
24:45My best friend is Lumboo
24:46To describe Lumboo
24:47He is a human sunflower
24:50Are we talking real flowers this time?
24:51Yeah, yeah
24:52Real flowers
24:54Making sure
24:55But I'm from B&Q
24:56Planet I'm in the ground
24:56Real legit
24:57That's tricky
24:59There he is
24:59Oh
25:00Handsome boy
25:01But you know
25:02You realise
25:03When you bring your friends to make television
25:05They don't really respect the rules
25:08Tell me more
25:09So like
25:10If a call time is at 8.30 in the morning
25:12Uh oh
25:13And your friend turns up at 2.30 in the afternoon
25:16Right
25:17That probably isn't good
25:19Good for the rules
25:20Right?
25:20Yeah
25:20And it looks bad on you
25:22It looks terrible on me
25:23Sort of love him for it
25:24What was he doing?
25:25What was he doing until 2.30?
25:27Yeah
25:27Sleeping
25:28Oh wow
25:29Yes he was tired
25:30I gotta respect it
25:32Yeah
25:32But it's an amazing thing to go on
25:34Like we've been messing around since we were kids
25:35Uh
25:36And then we went on this journey
25:37To create this incredible custom car
25:39I'd never done that before
25:40But we did realise by the end of the show
25:42That he had
25:43Um
25:44Created a car
25:45That based on his six foot four length
25:48And my 18 stone weight
25:51We couldn't fit in
25:53Now there's a custom car
25:54Somewhere in the streets of Coventry
25:56Rotting in a car park
25:57If anybody wants it
25:57Go and take it
25:59It was a fun journey
26:00Really fun journey
26:01I cannot recommend it enough
26:02It's really
26:03I don't know anything about cars
26:04Yeah
26:04But I was howling
26:05By the way you two talk to each other
26:07By the way you talking
26:08There was something about an exhaust pipe
26:10Didn't know what I was
26:11I was in
26:11Yeah
26:12I was in
26:13Where can people watch
26:15I don't know what channel it's on
26:16But you'll find it
26:18It's on Discovery Plus
26:19Is it?
26:20Yeah
26:21And Bait
26:22Amazon for sure
26:23Correct
26:24Find video for Bait
26:26And you can witness Riz Ahmed
26:28I assume go on to win an Emmy
26:30Because he's incredible in it
26:31Support the show
26:32It's got proper British flavour
26:34It's got proper energy and humour
26:37Just enjoy it
26:38OK
26:38Thank you
26:39Thank you very much
26:42Um
26:42Before you got into comedy
26:45And before all of this
26:48You were a teacher
26:48I was a teacher
26:50What kind of a teacher were you?
26:53A shit one
26:56I don't believe that
26:58I just don't believe that
26:59What did
27:00I believe
27:01I believe that
27:01I believe that
27:03You can see it
27:04That tracks
27:05Yeah sure
27:06What did you teach?
27:07Well
27:08Here's the thing
27:09So when you do your PGCE
27:11Yeah
27:12Specialised in teaching
27:13You
27:13You do that in a specific subject
27:16Or set of subjects
27:18I never got round to teaching those specific sets of subjects
27:21Nice
27:22So like I was basically like a really good big brother forward slash that fun uncle
27:28Around school
27:29And I would like to hope
27:30To think maybe that I had contributed in a positive way to the children of Grace Academy in Coventry
27:35If I didn't and you failed your GCSEs I apologise
27:39That is the plot to School of Rock without the music
27:41Yeah
27:41Exactly
27:43Can I tell you something?
27:44Yeah
27:44Your students loved you
27:45Did they love me?
27:46They loved you
27:47Would you like to say hello to them?
27:48No stop it
27:49I'm gonna cry
27:50She got the front door
27:51I'm gonna cry
27:51Good man
27:53What?
27:56Hey Mr. Cut
27:57Give it in
27:58Yeah
28:00Give it another one
28:01Yes
28:01Come in you lot
28:03Come here
28:07Come here
28:13It's 25 now
28:14It's 25 now
28:15I'm not C's
28:17It's a big
28:24You bought all the brown ones
28:26Yes
28:29Who left on the poor white kids at home in Coventry?
28:31I love you too
28:32Have a seat on the sofa
28:33Have a seat
28:46about how brilliant you were. I don't want to embarrass you.
28:48We've gone a bit, um, weird.
28:52But... But you were much better than you're saying,
28:57because, Simran, what did he do for you?
28:59You know what? As you see Mr Khan, yeah, in TV,
29:03it was just like how he was in school, yeah?
29:06I remember the first time I had him in a class, yeah?
29:09He goes, Oi, Simran, come here.
29:12And I was like, I thought I was in trouble, right?
29:14And he was like, I can't be asked to do the presentation,
29:18slide the next button, you sit there and you do it for me.
29:20LAUGHTER
29:22I was like, safe, right?
29:24But then, the thing is, I was quite shy,
29:27up until I had Mr Khan as my teacher,
29:29and, again, he was that fun uncle vibes, right?
29:33Where he made me feel comfortable,
29:34and I started to gain a bit of confidence from that.
29:36But even after he left, knowing what he pursued
29:41was enough to inspire myself to pursue
29:44something different.
29:45You know, when you come from Coventry
29:47and you come from a South Asian background,
29:49you're not always pushed to do something creative.
29:51So now, you know, I went to uni, I passed.
29:55LAUGHTER
29:55I got you!
29:56Yeah, I got an art degree!
29:58You were art degree!
29:59I got art degree!
30:00And, and, and...
30:02And, yeah, it was like...
30:04You contributed more than you think.
30:05Oh!
30:06You see?
30:07Ah!
30:09Come on!
30:13How was the family? Are you OK?
30:16Nafis, tell us about Mr Khan.
30:18Nafis, why are you sweating so much?
30:19LAUGHTER
30:21I don't know what I'm allowed to say,
30:22I'm not allowed to say, innit?
30:25My brother's got tulips in his inside pocket, I don't know...
30:28LAUGHTER
30:28LAUGHTER
30:30Now, you know what it is?
30:31This guy, he made us all feel like you can go out
30:33and do anything that you want.
30:36Coventry's...
30:36LAUGHTER
30:37Coventry's going for tulips.
30:40LAUGHTER
30:40Brilliant!
30:42Well done.
30:43Everyone there in some sort of florist,
30:44I'm not wearing another.
30:46LAUGHTER
30:47No-one really thinks of Coventry and thinks,
30:49oh, yeah, like, someone's going to come out of there.
30:51So, to see somebody go out and do it, like,
30:53I'll be the first one to say it,
30:54and everyone in Coventry has goods back in.
30:56Like, we're super proud of what you've done.
30:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:00Come on!
31:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:06Thank you so much, Simran Navi.
31:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:17That was brilliant.
31:19Come on!
31:20That was beautiful.
31:22Is that nice?
31:24That was so nice.
31:25I never marked a book in my life, but I don't know...
31:28LAUGHTER
31:30Um, it was so lovely. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you, you too. Joanne, tell me, your tour,
31:36you keep adding more dates. You are playing huge arenas. Pinot-file. There it is.
31:43Pinot-file. I file Pinot. It's a fun pun. It has made getting press a little difficult, so I'm delighted
31:50to be here, Claudia. Thank you.
31:53Not every BBC show would take me with a name like that.
31:57You're doing huge venues. Fun or ever so slightly scary? It's a great crack. Yeah.
32:02Sometimes I think it gets a reputation for being this kind of feral...
32:08I'll give you an example. A man... Because it's a predominantly female audience, OK?
32:12But a man messaged me and he was like, is it safe for me to come? And I was like,
32:16oh, my God!
32:17They obviously think I'm running some sort of cannibalistic...
32:21Like, we're putting men in cauldrons and boiling them and then drinking their bone broth or something,
32:24which I would do for a Netflix special, I think.
32:28LAUGHTER
32:28But no, it's great. I love it. Like, I love gigging. I love travelling around, living out of a suitcase.
32:33Yeah.
32:33We should say you broke records for the longest ever standing ovation at the Palladium.
32:37You broke a different record.
32:39Well, Rachel, I too played the London Palladium and broke a record.
32:43Come on. Mm-hm. It was for wine cells.
32:48LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
32:54Ears, my dear!
32:56So maybe they wanted to stand for me too, Rachel, but they couldn't because they were too pissed.
33:00LAUGHTER
33:01But I love your fans. Isn't it true that every venue are like...
33:04I just... Not in a bad way, I just want to warn you that, like, have you got white wine?
33:08Have you got Prosecco?
33:09Oh, and they're like, yeah, we've got enough. And you're like...
33:12We're similar women, the women coming. A little bit of, you know, we like...
33:15We like a drink.
33:17Yeah.
33:18Bit of undiagnosed ADHD. Like, there's a vibe.
33:21Yeah.
33:21Mentally feral, physically groomed, you know.
33:24Maybe we might eat out of a bin on a weekend.
33:26That's the vibe of the show.
33:27LAUGHTER
33:29You know, like, it is what it is.
33:33LAUGHTER
33:36You know, you're talking about wee bricks. We're going to need one after this.
33:39LAUGHTER
33:41Peanophile. On sale now.
33:45LAUGHTER
33:46APPLAUSE
33:46Yeah, yeah!
33:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:50Um, you're doing all of these shows and you also would like to adopt a dog.
33:55I bought a house, finally on the ladder, I have a garden.
33:58Lovely.
33:58I was like, I'll obviously rescue a dog, cos that's what you do.
34:01Are you adopted? Also, I'm adopted myself, so I feel it's only fair to pay it forward.
34:04Yeah.
34:05And, um...
34:08True.
34:10LAUGHTER
34:12I'm a rescue... I'm a rescue driver.
34:14I'm a rescue!
34:16Yeah.
34:16So, I would always rescue. I would never buy new.
34:20And, um...
34:21Shame on you for having your own children, Claudia.
34:23You should have adopted.
34:25LAUGHTER
34:26How dare you.
34:27So, anyway, I went, I rang up and it is so hard.
34:31Yeah.
34:31And now I'll probably get rinsed for saying this.
34:34But, like, I was like, blah, blah, blah, I want to adopt a little.
34:36And they were like, do you have a car?
34:38And I was like, no.
34:39I said, I have access to an e-scooter.
34:42LAUGHTER
34:42And they were like, oh, if you don't have a car.
34:44And I was like, they're like, you can't adopt a dog.
34:47And I was like, what am I driving it to? It's piano lessons.
34:49LAUGHTER
34:51It's you, because I couldn't...
34:52If you don't have a garden, they don't...
34:53But I have a garden, now I'm going to fail.
34:55Yeah, fine.
34:55Then you can have a whole litter, hive, I don't know.
34:59LAUGHTER
35:00And gaggle.
35:01So you have these lovely fans.
35:04What is the wildest thing your fans have ever done?
35:07One time in the Apollo, I could sense there was, like,
35:11a kerfuffle in one of the balconies.
35:14And I was like, what is going on?
35:15It's kind of distracting.
35:16You're like, what's going on?
35:16You don't want to stop the show where you're dying to know the tea
35:20of what's happening.
35:20Yes.
35:21Yes.
35:21And there was a woman taken out.
35:23Again, I'm not really selling the show here.
35:25I'm worse than you.
35:27LAUGHTER
35:27There was a woman taken out by her arms and her legs.
35:30I carried it.
35:31LAUGHTER
35:32Oh, Lord.
35:33Yeah.
35:34I was like, I'm raging, I miss that now.
35:36That would have been worth stopping the show for.
35:38I think her bag fell over the balcony and she was trying to get it
35:41and they were worried she'd fall and I don't know.
35:43Anyway, look, it's fine.
35:45LAUGHTER
35:46Safe space.
35:47We put seat belts in the balconies and they're strapped in.
35:50LAUGHTER
35:51They can't move.
35:52Um, now, Joanne, your fans are a bit like a cult.
35:56They love you.
35:57Would you be up for joining one?
35:58Because I definitely would.
35:59I have a cult vibe for...
36:02I'm suggestible.
36:03I'd be easily...
36:05Like, I think I'm involved in an aloe vera pyramid already,
36:07which is kind of pushing on cult vibes.
36:11I like the sense of camaraderie.
36:14Yeah.
36:14Do you?
36:14Yeah, and you don't, you die alone, you die in a gang.
36:17And everyone drinks the poison, but I'm such a boozer,
36:20I'll probably just completely survive and live.
36:22LAUGHTER
36:22I'll be dead, I'll pop a salpidine and get off my day.
36:25I do...
36:26My agent won't book hotels near Scientology centres
36:29because he's like, you'll go in.
36:31Really?
36:32I don't like cults, yeah?
36:33Don't want to be part of them, don't like reading about them,
36:36don't like watching Netflix documentaries about them.
36:37They're scary.
36:38You've got a cult vibe.
36:40Me?
36:40Yeah.
36:42I would, I would join.
36:44Oh, you mean as the leader of them?
36:45Yes, your leader vibes, yes.
36:47Yeah.
36:47I'm very follower vibes, yeah, your leader vibes.
36:50The glasses and all, come on.
36:51The glasses and all!
36:54Guys, here's the thing.
36:56Tell us about when you went on holiday.
36:59The first time we never went to America, it was for work.
37:01I've never been to America in my life.
37:04I always thought I'd struggle to get in.
37:06So, like...
37:07LAUGHTER
37:07Me and I are fast forward.
37:09Irish fast forward.
37:10Yeah, yeah.
37:11200 grand.
37:11200 grand.
37:13No.
37:13You don't need the bunny, Niall.
37:16If I tried to get into America as Niall,
37:18I would be in Guantanamo Bay for the rest of my life.
37:21Can you imagine that?
37:23Can you imagine that?
37:25Yeah, I was in One Direction.
37:27LAUGHTER
37:27Yeah.
37:29You all laugh, but he's not wrong.
37:33I live there.
37:34LAUGHTER
37:35Where were you going?
37:36To Los Angeles.
37:38OK.
37:38Yeah.
37:38And so I said to my wife and the kids are like,
37:40this is going to be an incredible trip, let's do it there.
37:42They're like, of course, let's do it, mate.
37:43And I'm like, yo, this is exciting.
37:46Let me book somewhere incredible in the Hollywood Hills.
37:50Here we go.
37:50I love my wife and my children.
37:52And then I saw how much it costs to book somewhere in the Hollywood Hills.
37:55I don't love them that much.
37:55So I went on the Airbnb list and I found somewhere that looked sick.
38:01And it had an exciting name.
38:03It was called Topanga.
38:04Topanga Canyon.
38:05Topanga Canyon.
38:05Is that what...?
38:06Yes?
38:06OK, so Topanga Canyon.
38:07Now it sounds exciting.
38:09Yeah.
38:09I went on a list and it had no ratings, but it looked sick and it was cheap.
38:13No ratings.
38:13Yeah, I know.
38:14I'm an idiot.
38:15You've met me, now you've been sitting next to me.
38:17You know how this stuff goes.
38:17You're terrible on a call.
38:19LAUGHTER
38:19So I booked it and we got to the airport and there's a wonderful driver
38:24that was there to pick us up and he said, so, brother, where you going?
38:26And I was like, oh, here, Topanga.
38:28He went, oh.
38:29LAUGHTER
38:30I said, why you say, ooh, four like that?
38:32He said, brother, man, I'm saying, brothers like me and you, we don't be in Topanga.
38:39Immediate worrying sign.
38:40But I thought, anyway, it's cheap.
38:42Two of the kids are asleep.
38:43One's vomiting in the back.
38:44Let's just get to Topanga, OK?
38:46So we're heading up to Topanga and it's very, it's very, like, up-hilly.
38:51Yeah?
38:51There's a lot of altitude and we're travelling there and he's telling me
38:54all these terrible stories about, man, shit, man, ain't nothing around here.
38:58LAUGHTER
38:58I said, where's the hospital?
38:59He said, shit, I don't know, man.
39:01I don't know about nothing around here.
39:03We should be here.
39:04Anyway, I'm listening to these kids are bang on and we get to the house,
39:07pitch black, there's all noises of crickets and...
39:11I don't know what was going on.
39:13All kinds of animals I never heard in my life, OK?
39:15I thought there was people in the butchers going...
39:17LAUGHTER
39:20So, it's pitch black and the instructions to get in this property
39:22are a bit weird, yeah?
39:24You've got to go around the back and there's no lights,
39:26but there were, like, security cameras all over this house, right?
39:31So, we're walking around and then my kids, wherever they're walking,
39:35this camera's going...
39:36Yeah, definitely.
39:38Sketch as hell.
39:39Right, so my son's like, oh, Dad, the camera's following me.
39:41I said, shut up, man, you don't know what's going on.
39:43LAUGHTER
39:45So, we managed...
39:47We managed to get in the house and my middle son, Lispy,
39:50he's called, like, cos he's got a lisp.
39:51So, Lispy's in the house...
39:52LAUGHTER
39:54You're making that up?
39:55No, Smedan.
39:55So, Lispy's in the house now and Lispy's like...
39:58We love him, but, you know, his brother's got a lisp.
40:00So, we're in the house...
40:02LAUGHTER
40:02Brother's got a lisp.
40:04So, Lispy's in his house and Lispy's like, his dad,
40:06Lispy gets feelings.
40:07Lispy's like, Dads, man, Dads.
40:09LAUGHTER
40:15The house is just dark in here.
40:16Anyway, so we found a couple lights, all the mood lighting,
40:19but, like, Lispy's, they're touching the walls,
40:20like, Dads, all the walls hollow.
40:22LAUGHTER
40:22I said, sometimes walls be like that, son.
40:25LAUGHTER
40:26So, he's in the house, and everyone's, like,
40:29trying to settle in to this good vibe, OK?
40:31I'm not going to like that, I've got the...
40:32I've got the feeling, my wife's looking like,
40:34why are your eyes so wide?
40:35I'm like, Lispy says there's something weird in the house,
40:37I don't know what's going on.
40:39LAUGHTER
40:39And so, Lispy's run up the stairs,
40:40he's touching all the walls upstairs,
40:41and he come back down, he goes,
40:43Dads, Dads, I want to show you something, Dad.
40:47LAUGHTER
40:48So, I've gone upstairs with Lispy,
40:50and my wife is like,
40:52I should have never married you, and then...
40:55LAUGHTER
40:56We've gone upstairs,
40:57and then there's a room,
40:59and he's managed to get it open,
41:01so it was locked, but Lispy's managed...
41:03He's very resourceful, Lispy.
41:05LAUGHTER
41:08I swear to God, in the centre of the room,
41:11was a cabinet, a very ornate cabinet.
41:15And I was like, Lispy, where you find this?
41:17He goes, I don't know, it's in the room, Dad.
41:20He goes, Dad, look at this.
41:21He goes, it was locked, like the door,
41:23but I was yanked on it now.
41:26He goes, look at what's inside, Dad.
41:28He's opened it double-handed.
41:31LAUGHTER
41:33He's gone, Dads, Dads,
41:35what's all that red stuff?
41:37No.
41:37No.
41:37And in this cupboard,
41:39in the middle of this...
41:40...already creepy Airbnb,
41:42there are vials of blood.
41:45Oh!
41:46Lined up all across there.
41:48What?
41:48He said, Dad,
41:50Dad don't look good.
41:52LAUGHTER
41:52I said, that is not good!
41:54We left the house immediately,
41:56I called the driver,
41:58and the driver said,
41:59Brother, I told you, man.
42:00We were supposed to be right here.
42:02Oh, my God!
42:03We never went back together.
42:05LAUGHTER
42:05Bloody hell!
42:07We were like, good.
42:08We were lucky to be able to meet you.
42:09Right, right?
42:10The weird thing is, like,
42:12days later, like, the Airbnb listing was gone.
42:16So, big up Blispy.
42:17LAUGHTER
42:18He's the new love of my life.
42:20Yeah, genuinely.
42:21LAUGHTER
42:21Right, so, we have almost come to the end.
42:25But, before we close,
42:26this is quite a lot of pressure,
42:28but I just need to ask,
42:29the first date?
42:30It's been good?
42:31I think it's been good, yeah.
42:32Aw.
42:32We didn't ruin it then, no?
42:33No, not at all.
42:34I don't know what we're going to do
42:35for the next date, like...
42:39LAUGHTER
42:41And you should say that!
42:43You are...
42:43I can...
42:44I can sort that out for you.
42:46But maybe next time,
42:48I don't know,
42:48a dough ball and a drink.
42:50LAUGHTER
42:51If you're still together at the end of the year,
42:53you can come and watch my show,
42:54even if you like it or not.
42:55LAUGHTER
42:56Do you want to come see a musical about divorce?
42:58I would love it.
42:59Yeah!
43:00Divorce, we'll be there.
43:01Awesome.
43:02I was going to say!
43:03Do you want to be carried out in all fours?
43:06LAUGHTER
43:06From a balcony in the hammers with Apollo?
43:09I can do that!
43:10Do you want to come to yourself with tulips?
43:12LAUGHTER
43:15APPLAUSE
43:18Brilliant!
43:20That was amazing!
43:21That was amazing!
43:21That is it.
43:23We are off to play swing ball
43:25and talk more about tulips.
43:26I would like to thank my wonderful guest,
43:29Joanne McNally!
43:30Oh, yeah!
43:30Oh, yeah!
43:32Gus Khan!
43:33Rachel Zegler!
43:35And Niall Warren!
43:36And Niall Warren!
43:38We are back next week
43:40when I'll be joined by
43:41Jimmy Carr,
43:42Chase Infinity
43:43and Lisa Kudrow.
43:46Good night.
43:47CHEERING
43:52Turn up your weekend with Sophie Ellis-Bexter's Kitchen Disco.
43:56Listen now on BBC Sounds.
43:58Here, it's a lip-sync smackdown for The Crown,
44:02the final of RuPaul's Drag Race UK vs. The World, next.
44:07APPLAUSE
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