00:04But I remember I think she was a little bit like there was a little bit of a
00:09resistance I think because of course as a parent you don't want your child to go
00:14to go through hardship right and I think she knew that if I went down this
00:19road there was a lot of hardship but there was a night when and we were
00:26already discussing about taking testosterone but we agreed afterwards
00:29because she didn't want my voice to change too much when I was singing and I
00:34had a breakdown and I was so I don't want to say I'm trying to wear this in the
00:39best way that I can because it wasn't the kind of thing where like
00:43I feel like I've seen the kind of conversations that you have on the show
00:51so forgive me if I get pretty deep here like I wanted to die I wanted to die
00:58because I was when you look in the mirror and you see yourself and you're like I
01:03can't just take these boobs off I can't I have to go through all this stuff and
01:08it's not anywhere close to now I don't and or like my voice doesn't like and no
01:13matter what I'll do I won't be able to have to be seen the way that for who I
01:22really am and you know and or I won't be able to be with certain people because
01:31they won't be attracted to the outside when in fact the inside is you know what
01:36matters and the inside is can't come out because of all this semantics of
01:40surgery and all these hormones and whatever which I'm very grateful for
01:43now but I remember I just remember like I was like mama I can't do this
01:48anymore like I can't like I can't I can't wait anymore if I wait you say she
01:53held me and she was like okay then we'll do it you know when when you want to do
01:58it we'll do it before woods and I think that was the best reaction that she
02:02could have had like that I got just like like you know okay but the top surgery you
02:07have to wait because of your recovery and school and I was like okay but
02:11hormones okay we'll do that because if you can't wait so the top surgery
02:17finally happened when uh September 2nd of of last year last year and then you
02:24were ready mom was right uh wait yeah but I remember she was like she um like you
02:31sure she really made and I was like yes I'm sure and I remember even like for a
02:36while before taking testosterone I had talked to other trans guys I talked to
02:43uh kuya Jake yes and I talked to him about like hey did you know right away and I
02:52forgot exactly what he said but I remember that his advice were very sweet he told
02:58me to take certain vitamins so you did speak to I did and I was like how how did you
03:02know that like a gusto moto and did you ever change your mind you know cuz what if I
03:07change my mind I'm like what am I gonna do
03:11but um I didn't and neither did they and you know them talking the talking to me
03:20yeah that was a concern yeah the changing of the mind yeah cuz like I'm so I was
03:25young I'm young right and you know my mind is still developing I don't know but
03:30honestly I think that I have no regrets in taking testosterone no regrets at all
03:37and I'm so grateful that my mom is so supportive and letting me do it and you
03:43know that she just all she really wants is for me to be happy and so does my dad
03:48show you
03:53yeah
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