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00:08You
00:13We're getting ready to go meet my family or friends. I don't know who's here for me. I'm pumped. I'm
00:20really excited. Yeah, so wish us luck
00:24On the edge and I can't let go
00:27When's the last time you met someone's family? It's been a while. Okay. Do you remember why you like me?
00:32Here we go. I see somebody's excuse us
00:40I love you so this is Hayley. Hi Hayley. This is Logan. Oh my god. I am so happy you're
00:50here
00:54I
00:55Here's to Hayley cheers so Hayley
00:58She's a Leo. He's a Leo. Oh my god
01:01Here we go again with the star talk. Yeah, I don't believe in that remember. We don't believe in that.
01:06Yeah, okay
01:06So anyways, we became best friends and she did not know how old I was
01:11How old did you think I was when we were hanging out? Maybe five years older than me
01:15And I told her and she laid in fetal position cuz I was shot
01:19Really? Yeah, she looks good. I mean
01:21So Logan did not know my age. So how old are you looking? Wait, let's tell her our story first.
01:25Okay. Let's tell her our story first
01:26Yeah, I mean so we tell her how we met
01:30You want to go?
01:31No, I'm an interrupter
01:35So yeah, we met at this retreat and the whole point of the retreat was like, you know
01:40Go in nothing about age not talking about age. That's that was like the goal and out of all the
01:46women there
01:47I connected with Vanessa the most and I wanted to continue, you know, seeing it out
01:51Obviously, I just felt like we had a connection and and then after that we moved in together. Yeah
01:56Okay, now we're here. How is that? How is that? Um, yeah, the other one living with Vanessa? It's been
02:02fun. I mean, she's
02:05She's you can tell she's a strong independent woman. Are you keeping up?
02:10You know, I try
02:11Um, but looks like I think I'm doing a good job. I don't know. I mean, we have our ups
02:16and downs, but it's good
02:17And I think tell me tell me about that
02:19I think you know, it's like we I mean, we're too fiery like we have a very fiery person out
02:24You're a leader like, you know, we do fight. I'm not gonna lie
02:28I mean, we kind of tell each other how it is and you know how we feel like he kind
02:32of matches my energy and I match his energy
02:34Yeah, now we're just you know, then we can get to the age
02:37We're not getting to the age yet
02:39You wanted to get to the age early on
02:42Sorry, Chops goes in so many pieces
02:44I know, I'm sorry
02:46Say this, say this. What do you want me to say?
02:48Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just really excited
02:49Is this like that fighting up that I'm seeing right now?
02:52The fieryness
02:52Yeah, this is like say this say this
02:54Oh, don't talk about the age
02:56Don't talk about the age
02:57All right, say what you want to say
02:58Guess how old you
02:59Okay, just guess how old you
03:00I want her to guess
03:0238
03:03Well, I'm old
03:04How old are you?
03:06I'm 29
03:09Are you screaming, crying, crying?
03:11Here's the thing though, here's the thing
03:12Let's put a time on, time on, time on
03:14You guys are best friends though
03:16Vanessa's young
03:17No, and that's why we click so well like even like when we're in the apartment
03:21I don't feel the age difference
03:23You know, but then sometimes it's like if you go out
03:26Or like this conversation you get reminded of it
03:28And it's like that part's hard
03:29But it's like everything else is really
03:31When I think of Vanessa
03:32I mean, I feel like we're the same thing
03:34Right, right, right, right
03:35But what I want to say is like
03:36I think it's so cool
03:37My best friend is 32
03:39And my best guy is 29
03:41Like, and I'm 49
03:43Top of the roster
03:44He's the top of the roster
03:45He's my only one, stop
03:48You're the only one, stop
03:50What?
03:51I just, it's crazy
03:53You know, I wasn't happy to see
03:56Hayley's reaction to like how old I actually am
03:59I'm constantly reminded of the age gap
04:02With my parents, with the outside world, now with Hayley
04:06And, you know, it's tough
04:08It's the reality of, you know, our life together so far
04:11So, um, hopefully Vanessa's saying good things
04:14Uh, but, you know, you never know
04:17Obviously you know my dating history
04:18Yes
04:19I want to hear like what your impression of him was
04:21I, I don't know, like
04:22I thought it was kind of weird
04:25The way
04:27You guys like literally got like
04:29These like little mini fights
04:30Yeah
04:30Like what's going on there
04:31Is it like in a fun way or is this like a
04:35I know
04:36Bad way
04:36Okay, does this remind you of any relationships of mine?
04:39All of them
04:39Yes, I know, seriously
04:41So at some point I'm like, is this me?
04:44Or is this him?
04:45Or do I just pick really strong personality?
04:48I don't know, I don't like that
04:49And yeah
04:50I think that the meeting, obviously this is a strange situation
04:55But that was bad vibes
04:57Just a bad interaction
04:59He literally had a mini fight with you like twice while we were sitting there
05:02Yes
05:02Like that's weird
05:03Yeah
05:04Do you think that's weird?
05:05Yes
05:05So that's what I want to talk about
05:06So we move in together
05:08I thought we were friends
05:10And like then finally like it got to be more than friends
05:12But like
05:13Wait, you move in together and you feel like you guys are just friends
05:15For like the first couple of days
05:17He was like sleeping with a pillow in between us and saying his prayers at night
05:21I mean, that seems like significant
05:22It's just like these dumb little things that make me think he's still a little childish
05:26You know
05:2729
05:27I mean, 29
05:28But I think like I look at you and you're 32 and I don't feel like an age difference between
05:32you and I at all
05:34Like you're that person like you need the sight
05:36All I'm hearing is like
05:38I know
05:39Me too
05:39And at first I was like
05:41Me too
05:41I was excusing them as like yellow flies
05:43Are you like ready to take this home like to the next level?
05:48Like you want to continue this relationship?
05:49So
05:50I mean obviously things would be different
05:53Yeah, sure
05:54So for me, I feel like
05:58Honestly
06:00This thing that we've been through has bonded us together
06:03Yeah
06:03Like in a way that like I've never been with anyone else, you know
06:07In the beginning it was great
06:09And then it got a little lukewarm
06:10And then it was bad and then it was good
06:13And now I'm just like where am I?
06:15Like it's been like
06:15I've just been running in circles with it
06:19Do you think it's his age?
06:20Or do you think it's his personality type?
06:22It's sounding to me
06:24That it could be just a little bit of both
06:26Yeah
06:28Maybe he's like having an issue with the age
06:31And that's why he's so hot and cold
06:33Yeah
06:33And like causing these problems
06:36I know
06:37Yeah
06:37So like
06:39What is it?
06:40So should he like take that ring off your finger?
06:44In relationships, Vanessa normally wants somebody super outgoing
06:49The life of the party
06:50I think she needs somebody a little bit younger
06:53Somebody who's still outgoing, fun, not a lot of baggage
06:57But at the same time, that's kind of like where things might come into a problem
07:01Because he is those things
07:04So, you know, do I think this is the best thing for her?
07:07I'm not sure
07:08No, we can't take this for granted anymore
07:22Oh, parachute pants
07:24Not really
07:25I like these
07:26They are not parachute pants
07:42They're just
07:46I know you
07:47I know you
07:47I know you
07:47But like they don't know me
07:48But like they don't know me
07:49But I know you
07:51So they need to know about who you are
07:53I just
07:54It's hard for me to sort of like
07:57Understand how they could like accept me
08:00Given all of those like very different circumstances
08:05I would think that they would be like
08:07How can you know that you feel the way you do?
08:12I think my people are going to be a little bit more cautious
08:17I know my kids
08:18I know that they want me to be happy
08:21They want me to find someone
08:25You know, they love me
08:29So they
08:34You know, I can't imagine that they'd be like
08:38Against what I want, but
08:41I don't know
08:44I mean, it's scary
08:47Yeah, I think the more we talk about it, the more scared I get
08:50Because I'm worried that
08:52That something I can't control is going to fuck this up
08:56I get it
08:57I don't want to get blindsided
08:59I just need to know from you
09:00Is it worth it for me to continue to invest in this?
09:07Do you think we can navigate that backlash together?
09:11I mean, this is just really hard
09:15But it's just like I wish we didn't have this stupid complication
09:20What complication?
09:21Like just the worry about people's perceptions and judgments and age stuff
09:26But it's a complication on your side
09:28I'm only stressed about it because you're stressed about it
09:31And you're so stressed about it
09:35Emotions are running high
09:38I know I'm gonna hate this
09:47You said it's hard
09:49We're meeting somebody
09:50I'm like a viper
09:52Nervous as shit
09:53Hey!
09:54Don't call me out like that
09:55You're nervous too
09:57I am
09:57Very
10:04I'm happy to see you, actually
10:06I'm so happy
10:07You didn't expect to see me
10:08No
10:09So happy
10:09Oh my god
10:10Well, I gotta get my head
10:11I'm super excited to see my best friend and my cousin
10:15Good to see you
10:16Hi, nice to meet you
10:17How are you?
10:18Nice to meet you
10:18I'm good, I'm good
10:20What is your name?
10:21Pfeiffer
10:21Pfeiffer
10:22Rachel Reese, nice to meet you
10:24Nice to meet you
10:45Have you thought about any future plans?
10:47Yeah
10:47Yeah
10:48Yeah, we have
10:48So she's currently in Seattle
10:51Oh, Seattle
10:51Nice
10:52Okay
10:52And like her contract where she's working is up in three months
10:56Wow
10:57Wow
10:58Yeah
10:58All right, timing
10:59Okay
10:59Yeah
10:59All of that's lined up
11:00So we talked about obviously me having the boys, right?
11:04So she's open to moving because obviously I'm stationary, I can't
11:07Correct
11:08And you are living in Seattle currently
11:10Yes
11:11Yes
11:11So that would be a big move for you
11:13Yes
11:13If you were to move to Texas
11:14It would be
11:15I'm originally from Pittsburgh
11:17So I moved from Pittsburgh to Seattle by myself
11:21Nice
11:22A big, I mean, cross-country change
11:25Um, but I've always been the type of person to kind of go for that, uh, sort of adventure
11:31And I like change, uh, especially, I mean, be a good reason to move
11:36Right
11:36You definitely changed
11:37It was very important for me to establish that when I'm moving to Dallas, like I, I do want to
11:43be like
11:43Pfeiffer, like I still want to be myself
11:45Correct
11:46My group of people
11:47Correct
11:47Um, because you can't, you can't rely on just one relationship for, to be your only relationship in your life
11:54Um, because that's a lot of pressure for one person to be everything
11:57And that's kind of what I was gearing towards too
12:00Yes
12:00Considering the kiddos
12:01It's like, how do you feel about
12:03Yeah, I mean, I knew, um, right when I started talking to Derek that he had children and that's like
12:09very important to me
12:10Correct
12:10Um, and I knew that he wouldn't be able to move
12:13But I am in the position where I can
12:15Okay
12:15Um, and I take, I mean, I take family seriously
12:18I really want a big family with lots of kids
12:20I'm assuming you don't have kids
12:22No, I don't
12:23Okay, and so you want a big family
12:24Yes
12:25You would be okay with kind of incorporating yourself into a family
12:28Absolutely, absolutely
12:29Yeah
12:29Awesome
12:30Just more, more people to love
12:32Exactly
12:33Um, yeah
12:34And remind me, I don't know, how old are you?
12:37I'm 23
12:40Okay
12:41Yeah
12:42I did not know that
12:43Yeah
12:44We did a little bit different, a little far apart
12:47Yeah, we did, we didn't know
12:48We had no concept of each other's age
12:50Um, but it, yeah, I really have no, I have no person, like I have no issue with age gaps
12:56Um, I'm, I'm really, I am about like, who is the person
12:59Correct
13:00Because it doesn't matter
13:01I've been in alignment with her life
13:02Yeah
13:02But have you dated someone with kids?
13:05I, no, I have never dated anybody with children
13:08Okay
13:09Um, I guess my biggest point of reference was
13:12Well, my parents were split up when I was really young
13:15And my dad was like, basically a single dad
13:17Yeah
13:18So I had a lot of personal experience with like, the step parent figure
13:23Okay
13:24Um, I think there's definitely a way to go about, um, being, like we've talked about being introduced to
13:30To his, his children, um, and I think it's really important to take the time before doing that
13:36Yeah
13:36Um, because I know how it's impacted me meeting people quickly, um, like the women that my dad was with,
13:43um,
13:43I would never want to put Derek's children in that situation
13:47And it seems like you're very understanding
13:49Right
13:49Which is honestly a very amazing characteristic, you know
13:53But being like in the real world of things where it's like, hey, we only plan quality time
13:59Right
13:59Once a month
14:00Well, Dom is calling now
14:02Yeah
14:02And he's saying, hey, I miss you, dad
14:04Right
14:05And Derek goes with his son, how would that kind of look?
14:10Like, yeah, if I feel like time is not being made
14:13It, I would just bring it up
14:15And I would say like, yeah, like I'm feeling like, can we get like one date in the books a
14:20month?
14:20Like, I don't need
14:21I don't need a ton
14:22You're not asking for every day
14:24Yeah
14:25Pfeiffer's 23
14:29I, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's a gap
14:34What does that really look like long term?
14:38Because 10 years from now, she could be a completely different person than she is today
14:42And maybe those things that Pfeiffer mentioned she was okay with
14:46Maybe she wouldn't be okay with five years from now
14:48Who knows?
14:49I think these are questions that are something to kind of think about
14:53Yeah
14:54Absolutely, yeah
14:55We need to see when that storm hit
14:57Right, what it looks like
14:58What does it look like?
14:59Right, absolutely
14:59And it will, it'll end
15:00Like, that's, that's just life in general
15:12How are you feeling?
15:16I'm okay
15:17It could be better
15:19Do you want to, do you want to talk a little bit?
15:21I mean, I don't, I don't know
15:23When do you want to talk?
15:26Yeah, actually, I'd like to tell you how I'm feeling a little bit
15:28Okay
15:28You want to sit down?
15:29Yeah, just give me a blankie
15:32I have never been broken down this much in a relationship
15:35And I've never felt so exhausted in moments in relationships
15:37But I care about Leah so much and I care about the connection that we've made
15:42I want to make this work and move forward
15:45I want to talk and all I really want to talk about was just to remind you that I see
15:49you
15:49And that I know that this is hard on you just like this is hard on me this whole process
15:54Um, but I want to be honest about the fact that the overbearingness
16:02It's quite literally driving me nuts
16:04Maybe I just think of it a little differently
16:06I think I'm more of a, I'm trying to do like a we thing
16:09But then it's like I feel like you keep doing a me thing
16:12Which is cool
16:13Well, I think it goes back to the fact that you don't want to be left alone, which I understand
16:19I think what you realize is like I'm left alone a lot
16:23I'm a flight attendant. We're alone all the time
16:26Like trust me when I'm alone, I'm alone
16:29And I have no problem with it, but it's like
16:32I just don't understand. I don't know what
16:35Is healthy for you and healthy for me and then like find us our healthy place?
16:40I'm I'm struggling like I'm really really struggling
16:42I know I see it and that's why I'm like I don't that's why for me
16:46It's like I don't know what to do for you
16:48And like I want you to be like your happy healthy self
16:51I just I don't know I just I miss what it was like at the retreat
16:55I know and like I miss the way you looked at me
16:59I do
17:02I I it hurts me to hear that like you feel
17:06That I'm looking at you that way because I really am trying
17:10My absolute heart is now to
17:13Make sure you feel loved like I really am. I'm just telling you that I won't leave this
17:18Without giving all of that. I got that's I can say the same
17:22You know, and I and I believe that you won't either. So I appreciate you hearing me
17:28No, thank you for having this conversation with me. Yeah, let's just take it day by day
17:33We're good
17:37Thank you. Thank you
17:43We'll figure this out
17:54Having my friends meet Libby really put things into perspective for me
17:59I mean integrating a 22 year old girl into my life is definitely concerning we live on different coasts different
18:08time zones
18:09kids work
18:12life and
18:14What happens when we're back to all of that?
18:17So remember we were like talking
18:20And you were telling me how you wish that you would have
18:24Taking more time between college and the real world
18:28I'm like traveled or
18:30Moved abroad or something. I don't know. It's just been like on my mind like
18:36I know we have
18:38the
18:40Commitments ceremony coming up and I feel like the closer we get to that the more i've been in my
18:45head about
18:47Like
18:48Is there a future with us? Are we aligned? Is our age going to be more of a factor?
18:55I just know like when I was 22
18:58I wasn't ready to be in a serious committed
19:02Relationship and I knew that so
19:04It was just I don't know it's been something that's on my mind
19:07I'm like if there's more life that you feel like you need to go and live and like
19:12Do it by yourself. I would understand that to me
19:16I don't view it as I'm not like oh this is somebody who's going to take away from my life
19:20and they're going to expect me to
19:23be a certain way or
19:26Not travel not have fun
19:28Not see my friends whatever. I don't see it like that. I feel like you add to my life
19:33I mean i've already had so much fun with you and like to me that's experiencing life
19:38I know i'm a lot of fun like right now
19:41I am more boring at home. Yeah, I don't
19:44Go out that much
19:46There's definitely my life is more just like established and settled
19:51And I think that's always been an issue with me when I date like you you know younger is like
19:56am I holding you back from
19:57You know, I guess what I wanted in my 20s. I don't know like obviously i'm only 22
20:04But I don't think i'm as crazy as you might think
20:07The most important things to me in my life have been stability and my friends and my family and
20:14You know like my career and keeping myself on track and all that stuff
20:19Like that's what feels good in life to me not being crazy
20:23Part of something I wanted to experience was a stable relationship with a normal person
20:29A old guy a really old really old really old person
20:34I think it's just hard to hear
20:36A lot of hesitation from him and I guess
20:40It hits me differently now that i've like opened up to him fully
20:44there is a part of me that is nervous that
20:48If we
20:50Get to the next step and we're outside of here these doubts and reservations will just continue and at that
20:55point we will be
20:57Fully in and that will only get harder
21:11No i'm good yeah yeah um
21:15So you got to meet my friend which i'm so happy because
21:19How ironic like my best friend and you are like the same age it's pretty on brand
21:24Yeah yeah i did not expect you i expected nothing less of your best friend
21:29I expected her to be young vibrant just like you yeah it's cool to see you with your
21:33With your girl you know like you were you were shining as always
21:36I'm so happy
21:37What do you what do you think her honest opinion is of me and this
21:41I think she was just worried about the fighting thing like less saying the fighting
21:44It kind of alerted her yeah to like what is this fighting what is going on like
21:49Is this a big deal type of thing does this like define us are we more than just having like
21:55little fights you know and
21:57I mean you tell me
21:58I mean i don't want what do you think no
22:00I don't want it to define us either i would like to just be able to like
22:05Elevate both of us to a place where like we don't have to have the fighting anymore
22:10You know what i mean like because it's just like it's like a battle of egos you know like
22:15It's just not healthy and it's not good and i don't want to do it so
22:19I so i'm like from this point on i'm like i just want to pick the battles like if it's
22:24not
22:24And i feel like today was a good day like you know we got annoyed with each other
22:28But we're like whatever blow it off you know yeah
22:30So i mean do you think like eventually like just our little quips be like that's just finessa
22:36You know like i mean it was funny because like at dinner like he was like is this fight you
22:40know yeah
22:41No, like this is literally me talking and then all of a sudden you going like no talk about this
22:46talk about this talk about this
22:47And they're going in circles i'm vanessa what do you i know what do you want i'm always 10 steps
22:50ahead yeah
22:51I know you are you're right like you have to see that in yourself
22:53No, and i know that you know what i mean because my mind is like constantly
22:56It is but it's like look if you want somebody to in their personality to be their personality you have
23:01to take a step back
23:02It goes yeah it goes both ways i'm not saying it's just you like there's me like i i'm like
23:07push push push and you're like
23:0910 you're 10 steps behind and i'm 10 steps forward you know i've just given you
23:13Yeah i know i know you know but i do feel like like
23:17I want you to accept me for how i am and i want to accept you for how you are
23:21so it's like
23:23We just have to like navigate through that right so
23:28Hopefully we can figure this out
23:30Yeah, so what's next yeah yeah what's next i just asked you you can't ask me that question
23:36No, i mean it's like the question that's hanging in the air like where do we go from here you
23:41know
23:41We have fun and we light some candles
24:10All right what's on the happy hour menu we expect oh wine flight
24:18Zero appetite zero appetite
24:21Zero appetite no no
24:25Here they are i've got this far inside yay
24:30Oh my god
24:35How are you good how are you doing right richard john john nice to meet you
24:40Oh my god
24:45I can't believe you guys are all here this is crazy were you not expecting like to come
24:50Oh my god how are you wow i can't believe you guys are all here yeah cheers cheers nice to
24:57meet you yeah
24:57Thanks for coming taking the flight very very happy too it's been fun
25:03Your mom talks about all you guys all the time obsessively and i'll say that she's very proud of you
25:10guys yeah
25:10I'm happy you guys are here yeah i think she is too no i'm not happy
25:17Yeah yeah well what made you want to take this journey
25:23I guess getting out of miami miami is very superficial and not to talk down on it but it's hard
25:29to make like a genuine connection
25:31um i came into this experience like super open-minded and ready for whatever came to me
25:39and connected fast yeah for whatever reason like we gravitated towards each other from the very
25:45beginning and it's just like our relationship has built more and more and it's you know been very genuine
25:52he's like a nice safe dude and it's been really great to get to know him and
25:59are you guys living together right now or yeah oh you are how's that it's been good
26:06he's being a very good boy he's like picking up and like doing things but yeah actually like probably
26:13the one thing that i would say that bothers me the most is that like a couple times we've been
26:19at
26:20like a restaurant and you'll take like a paper napkin and you'll just be like toot and i'm like
26:25that's not where that goes see i'm learning something small things yeah i feel like i do that
26:30like i know what do you think about like having like like her having like older kids too so we'll
26:40i don't know we've talked about that but yeah like when we revealed
26:46like our truths to each other age and obviously you guys were a huge part of that um he was
26:54like
26:54whatever not like a like a passive right just like yeah you are who you are and yeah shouldn't
27:01be and should not by any means that she shouldn't be ashamed of that and you don't want to have
27:06kids
27:06i'm assuming i don't want kids no i've never seen that in my future yeah yeah i felt comfortable giving
27:17her that answer and yeah that's how i honestly feel so that's fair i mean i will say the fact
27:23that we are all like older though too it kind of you don't have to deal with the bs of
27:27like i don't
27:28know like me going to college or like paying i don't know yeah yeah yeah yeah like the pressure
27:33of all that yeah yeah i mean that's part of why i agreed to do this was because i you
27:39know now that
27:40we're all done yeah well it's not yeah i mean it's not that you're done like obviously i'm always
27:44going to be your mom's and be supportive and everything but it did come sort of at a strange
27:50time that this opportunity was like literally the day i left your graduation right and i remember
27:58like leaving you guys that day yeah and crying and being like what am i doing what am i doing
28:04you
28:04know like because i was like having doubts about it and leaving you guys was so hard yeah
28:13but you know but i mean you've always tried to protect us and think about us first but
28:18maybe you've been neglecting yourself it's important to take care of yourself too
28:22and to do something that's that's for you and for your future yeah
28:28yeah
28:32yeah i mean that's what i said you know in this whole thing was like i
28:37more or less like finished that chapter making sure you guys were like sent off on like your
28:43and like best way possible and so now it was like a time for me to find you know something
28:53that was good for me and like your own happiness exactly yeah yeah how would you envision your ideal
29:02future together like um yeah i don't i mean we don't know like i'm not going to predict anything
29:12i respected lauren for caring about her mom and asking those hard questions
29:18i think probably all three of the kids were interested in those answers i know how important
29:24like family time is so i'm going to head back to the apartment thanks again for coming hopefully
29:29we catch up soon yes yes very nice to meet you thanks again yeah yeah nice to meet you of
29:40course
29:41hopefully see you soon i think today went great but i saw teresa kind of beat around the bush i
29:53wish
29:53john and i are solid i kind of wish you would have boasted about that a little more and i
29:59think the
30:00kids would have probably fed off her energy saying like oh my mom's like she's really sold on this guy
30:06so
30:07i didn't love that lack of enthusiasm what do you think you look really happy and i'm so excited for
30:18you
30:20do you see yourself like getting married i don't know yeah i can't answer that question you know you
30:27guys have seen me like hurt and destroyed and yeah you know and i don't want you guys to see
30:37that again
30:37so i'm being very careful and um but i also want to take your feelings and consideration into
30:47my decision making you know i don't want anybody to be uncomfortable with any situation that i'm like
30:54in so you know i want you guys to at all times feel like you can be i'm not just
31:01saying this like you
31:02can be up front with me yeah and tell me because you are like the most important things to me
31:10in my
31:10the whole world so can you tell us about his age no i mean i can but i don't want
31:19to why because i
31:22really feel strongly that i want you to get to know him like i did yeah you know we formed
31:28a connection
31:29based on those deeper qualities and like the more meaningful things and i want you guys to also
31:37have that opportunity yeah but i just want that to come at a later stage yeah i just want to
31:44make
31:44sure you're thinking realistically like i am the age is going to make a right a big difference when
31:50you're out of this whole experience no i trust me it's a huge thought
32:00not telling the age is definitely a little weird i would say i think john is probably more around 35.
32:06if john were younger than about 30 it would definitely be more of like a surprise to me and
32:11definitely more of a weirder thing just because like we're maybe even closer to age than she is so
32:17that's definitely a little strange he seems really into her which i think that's a good sign that they
32:23have great chemistry but i want to protect my mom obviously because she's been in hard relationships
32:30for the past 10 years but i do think realistically there's a lot of other things that come with the
32:37age difference and i think time will tell if it really will be able to work out in the long
32:42run
32:50how are you feeling ma'am um talk to me honestly pretty bad okay
33:03i think maybe i've been a little bit um overly optimistic about things i guess okay um
33:20okay like this whole time i've been telling myself i'm like i'm moving because i want to move i'm
33:27moving because i don't want to be which is true i don't want to be in seattle i don't want
33:30to be
33:31there but like i'm moving to basically be with you like that is that is the truth of the matter
33:38like that's what i'm doing and i have always told myself i will i will i will not change my
33:50life for a
33:51man which which i think my big struggle right now is like am i betraying myself by giving up everything
34:01for a relationship and i'm having a hard time with my own personal values okay um i also think
34:15sometimes i just don't need to hear like oh everything's gonna be fine because it's not helpful
34:24um because it's like i'm i'm like get like giving up everything
34:32something which like and you're it's not like you're not but like i am and it's like i don't
34:45like like like put yourself in that position like i'm not only leaving everybody and everything i've
34:54worked for but i'm also going against my own values to do that which is not to say that i'm
35:03not going
35:03to or that's not going to be worth it but sitting here now i'm like
35:21i'm sorry that's like not very positive or kind but no it's real i want you to be honest and
35:31real
35:34i'm just like
35:38i'm just scared i understand i understand i think that um uncertainty being scared that's normal
35:48and i know that that's extremely uncomfortable for you and i know it's like well derek that's easy for
35:54you to say because you're not the one making that sacrifice i get i get all of that there is
36:00not
36:01like some word or magic formula that i can say to just make all that go away this is going
36:07to be an
36:07element of it but change is not that always you know change is just more of like evolving and so
36:18still have your friends you'll have me you'll have your relationship you'll have new friends you'll
36:24eventually you know whether you change a career 25 times it doesn't matter like you don't have to
36:29know all the answers right now you don't have to move like i don't i don't i don't want to
36:33stress
36:33personally like just being like selfish i don't want to be stressed out like oh my god if i feel
36:37stressed
36:38about this like i i need you to be in a peaceful state for us like that's how we will
36:43flourish like just
36:44being real so what what say it so you're saying in order for this relationship to work starting off
37:03you need to be making this decision from a place of peace is that correct
37:10okay
37:12i tried to keep it simple simple never kicks you this can't resist no
37:35i thought this is beautiful it's now i never cares so excited to see everyone
37:54you guys like you guys are glowing over here
38:05hey guys hi honey i miss you so much you look so beautiful
38:14hey guys how are you
38:30everybody looks amazing you guys all look stunning can we toast everybody together i think no matter
38:37what happens beyond this we've all grown and we've all become better people so you know one day at
38:43a time let's just keep moving forward whether it's together or apart i know that this has been a
38:46blessing and i'm very appreciative together apart dang i agree i love it that was like popular
39:07you know what you're doing okay all the things all the things all the things we saw you we dropped
39:19a little surprise
39:20letting you all know that your friends and family were on the way
39:23so no more surprises that's more of a bomb not a surprise that was a bomb well and just like
39:30that this relationship
39:31wasn't just yours anymore yeah to say the least you had to open it up to opinions
39:37to pressure and to judgment that's true and it affected all of you in different ways
39:43teresa
39:44i know when we kind of dropped that bomb i couldn't help but notice some nervousness
39:50um i was horrified scared and i wasn't expecting it to happen the way it did obviously your kids
39:57are older they're you know i think well i mean i'm very protective of my kids they're my kids
40:03however john was extremely poised and very articulate and they asked some great hard questions
40:11and he answered them you know like a baller and it was great was his age one of the questions
40:18that
40:18your kids asked well i was like yeah not now oh you didn't tell no they don't know oh so
40:25they
40:25never told and they won't know for a while until i decide what's your reasoning for not telling your
40:33kids his age because there is a gigantic double standard if he was my age and i was his age
40:41there
40:41would be such a lesser of a problem and so i'm going into this as you know really in a
40:49difficult
40:49position because there will be a lot of judgment not on only me but my kids probably their friends
40:55our community all of that and if we're being real like and we want to say like age doesn't matter
41:01then
41:02why should i have to reveal it right now why shouldn't i be able to let them get to know
41:07him
41:08before i say you know by the way he's like in your age range like that's gonna be awkward
41:17leah you've been pretty expressive over there because the whole point of this journey is to let
41:23everyone's family know how old were the people that were dating that's the whole point of it so i didn't
41:28know that there was a choice i mean it doesn't have to happen when somebody else tells me it has
41:33to happen like but it's gonna happen regardless yeah of course why hide it now like he's 27 i'm
41:42trying to be strategic in letting my kids get to know him as i did they will find out when
41:50they find
41:50out and it's nobody's choice or decision to do that except for he and i i just thought like we
41:57had to
41:57divulge it at the end of the day you know i thought that was the whole goal it was like
42:01we're not
42:01ashamed of it i'm not ashamed of how old he is i'm not ashamed of it so i just need
42:06some water
42:07it's really none of your business it's not my business i it's just it's not but it's going to
42:10come out one way or another it's not your business yeah like i understand
42:16no i'm sorry i'm still gonna have a voice but it's just i understand that you're coming
42:19for a different your voice that goes in your head not verbally it's the voice that's going to be said
42:24well i don't need to hear it oh i'm sorry it just got sad all i can say is don't
42:30come for me because
42:32i will all right let's stay respectful guys we're good
42:44i think for clarity friends and family were coming to meet the person that you committed to
42:50and how many of those details you include is up to you
43:04you shared space you shared lives you faced judgment and you found ways to stay connected
43:13but now it's decision time tonight is your last night together
43:22tomorrow morning you will wake up next to the person you've lived a life with here
43:28but then you have to say goodbye because from that moment on you will be on your own no more
43:34shared space
43:36no more comfort in each other's presence just time to sit with your heart your doubts
43:43and your decision
43:49the next time you see each other it will be to speak your truth and to decide do we move
43:56forward together
43:57or do we walk away each of you will make one final journey to a mountaintop overlooking a place where
44:04it all began up there you'll stand face to face and ask do you keep those promise rings and commit
44:13to
44:13taking this leap together or do you take them off and choose a different path alone
44:31you've all got a lot to think about
44:38it's just not fair
44:49you're 22
44:51i'm 38. that's a big gap
44:55the truth is no matter how much i doubt the age gap i don't doubt the way i feel when
45:04i'm with you
45:20it's a huge commitment to say that this person who's 27 years younger than me is my boyfriend
45:28i need you to believe that age is just a number but also believe in me that every day i'm
45:35going
45:35to show up and work on this together i love you
45:40i can see myself growing with you you lit something inside of me that i thought was gone
45:47i think we've both made a decision that will impact our lives and our families and i just
45:52hope and pray that's the right one he's like in the prime of his life right now honestly and why
45:58would he give that up for someone 20 years older than him this is a card you break up with
46:04i hate the promise ring back
46:14waiting for the sign do i cross your mind don't wanna find another
46:24trying to forget but if i let go and i see you again
46:32can we go back in time
46:37would it be such a crime
46:42to look at this as a sign
46:47i'm trying again
46:49one more time
46:58one more time
47:46and i don't know
47:49one more time
47:50i guess
47:50you
47:50i always
47:50read
47:50a G
47:51break
47:51there
47:51it
47:51you