The Men She Trusted Betrayed Her

Unfiltered Stories

Today on Unfiltered Stories, our guest Kimone Smith courageously opens up about her experiences. Despite facing an extremely difficult upbringing in a troubled home environment, Kimone shares her journey of resilience in overcoming immense challenges and trauma inflicted upon her during her youth. We explore how she found the strength to persevere and heal from the profound pain she endured.   #survivorstories #trauma #csa   Follow Kimone Smith on social media:  LN: www.linkedin.com/in/thefuturedoctorsmith  www. linkedin.com/in/kimone-smith-a7343b129  FB: @KimoneSmith88  IG: @Kimonesmith @t.u.l.s.a.inc @Los_publishing @Lions_order_records   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.  Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00My name is Camone Smith. I am 35 years old. I'm going to share my story, my experience with sexual

00:06assault, how I managed to survive.

00:09Growing up in my household, it was always filled with people. I always had, like, cousins who my mom were

00:14raising or, you know, spending time with us, pretty much.

00:19I'm the youngest of, like, 10 kids from my mom. It was definitely very chaotic. You know, it was interesting

00:24growing up, I never heard my mom say, I love you.

00:27Growing up, you just didn't hear that. You knew that your mom loved you because she's there. She's cooking. She's

00:32providing for you.

00:34My family is super religious. Like, on the weekends, we go to church. And during the weeks, we go to

00:39church as well.

00:40And days when we didn't go to church, we'd have Bible study in the house.

00:44And everyone had to grab their Bibles and sit down with my mom and do prayer meetings or Bible study.

00:50I came to grow into a conflict with my family, like, probably around the age of about nine.

00:57I started realizing, like, oh, my God, like, this is so weird. I knew something just didn't add up in

01:03my house.

01:03It was always, like, yelling with beatings. It would never end. Like, you're talking about hangers, extension cords, mop sticks,

01:13shoes.

01:13And I remember I used to climb up on a wall unit inside of one of the rooms that's built

01:19into walls.

01:20And I'd just be on the top shelf because she couldn't get up there.

01:24Or I'd hide underneath the bed, you know, and I'd just move.

01:28But she's strong so she could pick up the bed and still go.

01:31And it was just, it was intense. It was definitely intense.

01:34So, like, when you dig a little bit deeper, because for a long time, let's say I went, like, almost

01:4010 years, 12 years not talking to my family.

01:42Like, from my teenage years up through college, I didn't talk to anyone. I cut everyone off.

01:47And it was just the realization of hurt people hurt people.

01:51You know, my mom is one of 17 children between my grandmother and grandfather.

01:57And you can't really give attention to all the kids.

01:59So I'm not making up an excuse, but I had to grow up and actually empathize with my mom a

02:04bit to understand, like, why is she this way?

02:06Like, how come she's full parkour, loving with Jesus and the babies?

02:11And then you get another side of her.

02:14And I've chosen to, you know, the path of forgiveness with my mom.

02:19Because I see she's trying and she's getting older and older anyway.

02:22So there's a 10-year difference between us, the brother and I.

02:25I don't remember when it started, but I was, I was, like, four, five.

02:30Again, I had no knowledge, no recollection of what was happening.

02:34There was not even a name for it.

02:36I just knew that he would put his hands in my hand.

02:38I do remember one day, like, just, I think it was just too much stimulation or something.

02:42I just literally, like, I passed out.

02:45Like, I couldn't stay up.

02:46Like, I don't know, like, what happened.

02:49It was just too much for, for my body.

02:51And I remember one day I had to been around, like, eight or so.

02:56And I went to go check on my mom in the kitchen.

03:00I think maybe he made me go check on my mom.

03:03But when I went to go check on my mom, I remember that my mom whispered on the phone to

03:09one of her best friends.

03:10And so that was the first time I ever knew that there's something wrong with this.

03:15And it kind of started making sense because it was, like, these moments, it's myself and just him.

03:22You know, no one else is around.

03:23And so that's when I realized it was wrong.

03:25And I had conflicting feelings because I never hated this brother.

03:30Unlike I had another brother who would, like, beat me, like, beat me bad.

03:34Like, he had anger problems, like, he even beat up his girlfriend, too, and other people.

03:38But, you know, this particular brother, I didn't feel, like, a sense of hate or anything like that towards him.

03:45At least not for a very long time.

03:48You know, I turned, like, about 12 when I literally started having, like, a sense of, like, disgust.

03:56Like, with him, myself, my mom, I started rebelling a lot.

04:01I tried to run away a couple times.

04:03It really didn't work out because, like, where does the kid go?

04:06There was a time when, like, he'd buy me, like, stuff.

04:10Like, I don't know if I want snacks or, like, you know, the ice cream truck.

04:15It's summertime.

04:16It was a relationship based off of trust.

04:19Like, I was so confused for a long time because I kind of sort of idolized that brother as well.

04:24You know, and so it was just the realization that, okay, this person isn't really so good because this is

04:30what this person has done to me.

04:32People knew.

04:33I knew that my older sister, who's, like, 20 years older than me, I knew that she knows.

04:38I know she knows.

04:39And to this day, they would all say they don't.

04:41They didn't know.

04:42They can't believe it.

04:43But there was an incident that happened with my twin nieces.

04:47And after that incident, that brother just, he could not stay in the house anymore.

04:52I just always felt that because I'm the youngest of 10 kids and my mom's, like, an older mom, I

04:57had to, even as a younger child, I had to be, like, a little bit more mature.

05:01Like, even if I'm the same age as my twin nieces, I couldn't act like I'm seven.

05:06Like, I'm a seven-year-old aunt, so it's like I have responsibility.

05:10I had to look out for them.

05:11When it happened to one of them, it was a, it stopped because that brother could no longer, like, stay

05:18at the house.

05:19Because track and field was, like, my hideaway from not being able to, you know, come straight home or go

05:24into my beacon program after school.

05:26Then I know he has to go out to go do what he does on the streets or whatever.

05:29And so there were ways to get away, for sure, you know, as I got older.

05:33And then when he moved out of the house, there was not too many instances where we see each other

05:39unless I would go to where he was.

05:41So the thing is, I was about eight going on nine.

05:44It was, like, my birthday weekend.

05:46I'm born, like, the week of Christmas, pretty much.

05:48That day, I didn't want, I was not feeling good.

05:51And so my mom was, like, let her sleep or whatever.

05:54And I remember waking up and walking through the house, like, where's mommy or whatever.

05:58So one of my mom's friends, he was at the house.

06:00He was in her room.

06:01And he was like, oh, your mom's not here.

06:04You know, she left.

06:05She went to work or whatever, but she'll be back.

06:08So he called me into the room.

06:10He said that I can come lay down in there.

06:12And so I went inside there to lay down in my mom's bed.

06:15I remember him touching me.

06:16And I remember kind of, like, giggling a little bit.

06:19Like, and to look back at it, because I was kind of used to, like, those petting and touches,

06:27nothing was alarming until he was trying to, like, go inside my backside pretty much.

06:34And that's when it really hurt.

06:36And I was trying to tell him to stop or whatever, and he just kept going.

06:39And this is an older man, like, a much, much, much older man.

06:44He was, I was, I was a baby.

06:46He was, like, probably 15 or something.

06:49He was an older man.

06:50And that's when I knew something was wrong, because whatever I had gone through at that

06:54point in my life never hurt.

06:56Like, nothing ever hurt.

06:57So, and when he was done, he actually washed me off in the bathroom.

07:02He told me that I better not tell my mom, because if I told my mom, she's not going to

07:07believe me and she's going to beat me.

07:09I don't remember how my mom found out, but I had an older sister who's, like, 10 years

07:13older than me.

07:14I couldn't sit down.

07:15I went to school, and I had a hard time, like, sitting in my seat.

07:18And I ended up telling her that he did something to me, and she ended up telling my mom.

07:23And I would never forget, when I came home, my mom was like, somebody touch you.

07:28You're real, somebody rip you.

07:29And she grabbed me, and my mom stripped my clothes, okay, and she beat me on my vagina.

07:35My sister was screaming, no, stop.

07:38I got a beating, and my mom told me that I shouldn't tell lies.

07:42So, yeah, that beating was a different beating.

07:45It hurt a lot, but I'm not even sure what hurt more.

07:48If it was the fact that I shouldn't have said nothing because he said I shouldn't have,

07:52but this was going to happen.

07:54Or if it was because I felt like, damn, I should just be issuing things and lie, whether

08:00it's good or bad, and I should just accept it and be grateful.

08:04Like, you know, that was like a turning point in my head, because at that point in my head,

08:10I think I became somebody different.

08:12I don't know what, but I started having a hard time in school.

08:16Like, I went from honor roll student to, like, always in fights and stuff like that.

08:22That same year, I remember sitting in class.

08:25I was about in, like, fourth grade or so, and they were, it was a show that came on about

08:31what people should and should not do, touch you and stuff like that.

08:35And that was when everything really clicked in my head.

08:38I was like, oh my God, this is crazy.

08:40I could not function.

08:41It was like, I remember trying to wear, like, my older brother's clothes, you know, because

08:47I felt like I didn't want anyone looking at me.

08:49I didn't want that type of pressure.

08:51It got to a point where I wasn't afraid of the beatings anymore.

08:54And so for her, I was challenging her.

08:57And the only other option she felt she had was to now go to the state, you know, go to

09:01the courts and say, hey, my daughter's not listening.

09:04She's hard to deal with.

09:06And so I went back and forth with the state to group homes and things of that nature just

09:10before high school, pretty much.

09:13In high school, there was an incident.

09:15I came to school late.

09:16The teacher told me that I had came in too late.

09:18So therefore, I had to exit the classroom and he had me wait outside.

09:23And then he came outside and told me, why don't I go to the principal's office?

09:26So I went to the principal's office.

09:28On the way there, I saw the vice principal.

09:31Okay.

09:32He was like, what are you doing in the hall, Ms. Smith?

09:34You know, you're supposed to be in class.

09:35So either or I went to the office.

09:38I explained to him that the teacher told me that because I was late, I should wait here

09:42until the next period bell rings.

09:44The bell rang and I attempted to go to my next class and the vice principal came inside

09:50and said, no, Ms. Smith, have a seat.

09:52So I'm like, but you said that I had to stay here until the bell rang.

09:55And he was like, yeah, that's what I said.

09:57So I'm like, okay, all right.

09:58I'm not going to challenge the authority.

10:00Sit down.

10:00So he closed the door and then he just was like, you're so beautiful.

10:05And he was just so like close to me that I freaked out.

10:09I completely freaked out.

10:10I couldn't want him touching me.

10:12I pushed him and I ended up pushing like, you know, those wooden executive desks.

10:17He ended up behind it and I pushed him, like pushed the desk and he's still trying to come

10:23after me.

10:24And I just started hitting him.

10:25Like, I think I blacked out that day.

10:27And when the police came to the school, I was explaining to them that he was trying to come

10:33on to me.

10:33He was like trying to touch me and tell me how beautiful I look, but no one would listen

10:38to me.

10:38They just listened to the fact that an ambulance is needed for the vice principal.

10:43And that was the last day.

10:44I pretty much went to high school in Brooklyn, New York.

10:48I was later assaulted that day at the precinct, the 69th precinct.

10:52Bloody nose, bloody clothes.

10:54They actually took me out of there like a dog.

10:56Like, you know, how you, the muzzle on your face and, you know, the wrap tie.

11:02They drop kicked me, paralyzed me one way or another and wrapped me up and took me to

11:07Spofford and I was in Spofford for about a year or so.

11:10I remember being in juvenile detention and having a hard time sleeping.

11:15I would have these nightmares of, you know, that guy when I was nine years old, I would

11:20have like literally like nightmares of him trying to get at me and I couldn't sleep.

11:25I was suffering from like insomnia.

11:27I did a little therapy while I was there to, you know, try to get it off my chest.

11:32I remember when I got out of detention, I was in a group home in Staten Island.

11:37And we were driving along the Verrazano Bridge and it was so crazy because I looked over

11:44to the, to the, to the left and who was driving a van right next to the van I was

11:48driving.

11:49And I started crying.

11:50I was like, oh my God, that's him.

11:52And the, um, the director goes, that's who?

11:56I'm like, that's the guy that raped me when I was like eight or nine.

11:58And she's like, really?

12:00I said, yeah, that's him.

12:01She's like, do you know him?

12:02I said, that's him.

12:02I know it's him.

12:03And it really was.

12:04She honk honked her horn and she called him by his first name and she said, hey, such

12:09and such.

12:10And he smiled over.

12:12And, um, that was the last time that I, um, had saw him.

12:17I want to say that I had an incident, um, around the time when I came out of juvenile detention,

12:23um, cause now I'm like about 13 and the judge has given me options to either, hey, we don't

12:29want you to stay in New York.

12:30Um, I ended up having to, um, I was supposed to go back home to Jamaica with my dad, but

12:35my dad at the time, I guess he didn't want his daughter with him.

12:39And so my dad's brother in Florida ended up adopting me.

12:43Um, and that was like a, a 360 moment in my life.

12:47I'd like to say, um, just before all of that happened, I couldn't get it out of my brain.

12:53Like when I came out of detention and stuff like that, like it was like on my brain, like

12:58I was just scared walking the streets.

13:01Um, at one point I was living in the building he was living in with my mom's best friend

13:06and he lived like one floor down.

13:09And if it was too late after dark, I just wouldn't go back to sleep there.

13:15Cause I'd be so frightened that I'd bump into him.

13:18Like when people think of sexual assault and things of that nature, they never really think

13:22in mind it's maybe it's someone, a loved one.

13:25It happened just before I went to juvenile detention.

13:29Um, we were going to a church on Rogers Avenue and, um, he would always try to talk to my

13:36mom

13:36and he would try to compliment me.

13:38Oh, you're so pretty.

13:40Or I remember one time he said, Oh, let me see your nails.

13:43Oh, I have to take you to get your nails done.

13:46Would you like that?

13:47And I'm like, at this point I'm, I'm creeped out by any guy who wants to give me attention,

13:52especially if they're not in my age group.

13:54And he would talk to my mom for like, it felt like hours after church until he started like

14:00coming over to my house to do prayer meetings.

14:04And that's when I realized, wow.

14:06Cause while before he talks to my mom, he'll whisper something like indecent to me and then

14:11go talk to my mom.

14:12Um, that Sunday I went down to use the bathroom in the church.

14:16And before I got to the basement, he had already, he had already came down behind me and had

14:22me against the wall.

14:23Okay.

14:24I remember, um, there was a pastor, the Bishop of that church had twins, a girl and a boy

14:30twins.

14:30And the boy and I were friends.

14:32He was a little bit older than me, like by like four or five years, but we were friends

14:36nonetheless.

14:37He came downstairs cause he heard, I don't know what he heard, but if he didn't come

14:42downstairs and hit that guy, I would have probably gotten raped that day.

14:47And at that point, I just, at that point, I definitely didn't want to be home because

14:51I felt like he's this guy stalking me.

14:54Like one time I had to fight him off of the streets.

14:57I was on Nostrand and Newkirk and my little brother, my cousin was with me and he literally

15:02tried to pick me up.

15:03Like he literally tried to pick me up and like pull me into his car.

15:09And my, my little brother is what I call him.

15:11Although he's my cousin, we fought him off on the streets.

15:15Okay.

15:15And at that point I was like, Oh my God, like I cannot get a break.

15:19So going, ended up going to Florida with my dad's family was probably one of the best

15:24things that actually, um, happened.

15:27Okay.

15:28Um, I was able to have like a support system of like normal people that were willing to

15:32like talk about their feelings and things of that nature.

15:36My uncle was like a charismatic type of person.

15:39So it was easy to talk to him and feel heard, you know, and, you know, he wasn't trying to

15:45manipulate you to make you feel some way or do something against your will.

15:50So that was just like a, a, a big break for me, a real big break for me in life.

15:56And so once upon a time I thought, you know, I had gotten all of, I got all of this

16:02trauma

16:02behind me, you know, I'm bordering my way into society.

16:05I'm at university at this time and, um, I ended up meeting my daughter's father.

16:11Um, he was a great guy.

16:13I thought, Oh wow.

16:14How charming, how nice.

16:15He's so educated.

16:16Oh, he means well for me.

16:17He doesn't want to jump in my pants.

16:19Right.

16:19He cares about my future.

16:20And then I learned that, you know, just because people smile and tell you things, it doesn't

16:27mean that they're actually true.

16:28I ended up finding myself in a relationship where I was being gaslighted, um, by an older

16:34man, by someone who had money and power.

16:37And I found myself just losing my voice.

16:40And for a very long time, it was just, you know, me and my daughter, me just trying to

16:46instill in her the type of mother I wish I had, you know?

16:50Um, so of course, since my daughter's been a very young age and she's been, you know,

16:55walking and talking, she knows no one picks you up.

16:58You know, no one kisses you.

16:59You don't sit on anybody's lap.

17:01Layla's a big girl.

17:02You don't need anyone to go to the bathroom.

17:04Those have been all things that I've instilled in my daughter since she's been so young that

17:08if a fly pitched on her, she would call or text me at six or seven, like, Hey mommy,

17:14this happened.

17:15And I do it that way because in my culture, I'm Jamaican, people tend to think children

17:20should be seen and not heard.

17:21So I try to instill that, you know, you matter, you matter, your voice matters, your feelings

17:26are yours and yours alone.

17:28I'm currently at a point where I'm working on finding my own voice, you know, working

17:32on shaking off those feelings of shame or guilt or inadequacy and just, you know, being

17:37able to just reaffirm to myself that, you know, you are smart, you are beautiful, you are

17:43strong.

17:43The things you've been through don't define you or neither is it an indicator of your

17:48success or your future.

17:50I just think that sometimes you have to keep on revisiting those images, you know, and then,

17:55you know, you have to tell yourself, envision yourself for what it is you want to see, you

17:59know, to come of yourself pretty much.

18:02This is my first time like actually sharing this story in sync and I hope it helps somebody

18:09out there, you know, another mother, another young girl.

18:12The only way to actually help each other is to like help yourself do your best and maybe

18:17someone else will also see that even if you can't give them anything and it makes someone

18:22someone, someone better.

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