00:00I grew up to a clinically diagnosed narcissistic father and a codependent, anxious attachment mother.
00:07My childhood with my brothers was one that was mixed with confusion because we knew that something felt,
00:14we knew that something wasn't right. My parents had a very tumultuous relationship.
00:18If they were going to fight that day, it was a matter of when was it going to happen and
00:21how bad is it going to get.
00:23When I think about my childhood, that's the memory that sticks out the most, is trying to protect my brothers.
00:28There was a lot of dismissing of feelings, just avoidance when it came to any issues that were in the
00:34home.
00:34If I tried to intervene with my parents, then it turned on me.
00:38When I was three, my aunt and uncle got married. I was a flower girl.
00:41My dad insisted on me coming out into the dance floor and dancing with him.
00:45He wanted to show off his little three-year-old daughter, who was the flower girl,
00:48and have everybody ooh and ah about how cute I was and what was going on, and I refused.
00:54I was embarrassed. I didn't want to.
00:55Later that day, driving home from the wedding, I was berated and scolded for not complying.
01:02But when I was five is when I realized that I needed to be more silent to survive this.
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