She Survived the ULTIMATE Betrayal by Friends and Family

Unfiltered Stories

Vaneeka Robinson bravely opens up about her traumatic childhood experiences, starting with the abuse she endured at the hands of her mother’s boyfriend at just six years old. Her journey of survival continued through betrayal, struggles in relationships, and years of pain. In this raw account, Vaneeka reflects on how she navigated the complexities of healing and the strength she found to move forward. Her story is a testament to resilience and the importance of confronting the past in order to heal.   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.  Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.    🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00He would start whispering, didn't I take up for you?

00:02Just let me touch it.

00:03Just let me put it in, just to tell.

00:10My name is Vanika Robinson, and my story

00:13is about childhood and domestic abuse.

00:21My mom, when she was pregnant, she cheated on my sister's dad,

00:26and so he broke up with her.

00:27The man she cheated with, he came home

00:29and his attention was really on me.

00:32He didn't pay attention to my mom.

00:33She should have noticed stuff like that.

00:35He agreed to watch my brother and me while my mom go back to work.

00:39And the very first day that he kept us,

00:42I remember him coming in my room and saying, let's play.

00:45He said, well, there's a new game that I could show you called Mama and Daddy.

00:49But the problem was, he said that we had to go into my mama's bedroom.

00:53And I said, why do we go in there?

00:55And he said, well, that's what mamas and daddies do, don't they?

00:57And I was like, yeah.

00:59He took me to my mom's bedroom.

01:01He started touching me, telling me how beautiful I was, that he loved me.

01:06He asked me, before he laid on top of me, how old I was.

01:09And I told him I was six.

01:11And that's when he said, you have a baby.

01:13I was a little hesitant because something told me something wasn't right about that.

01:18But he just kept assuring me.

01:19He said, I never hurt you, have I?

01:20I said, no.

01:21He said, well, I'm not going to hurt you now.

01:22He took off my panties and then he got on top of me.

01:26I felt like he was my friend.

01:27He wasn't going to do anything to harm me.

01:29But the pressure that came from him laying on top of me was excruciating.

01:33I just started screaming and pushing him.

01:36And he got up and he looked really surprised.

01:39And he was like, I'm sorry.

01:40I'm sorry.

01:41I didn't mean to hurt you and stuff like that.

01:43And then I started putting my clothes back on and I was crying uncontrollably.

01:48And he was like, don't ever tell your mom.

01:50We played mom and daddy.

01:51And I was like, why not?

01:52He said, because she'll stop loving you.

01:54And that stayed in the back of my mind.

01:56So I didn't tell my mom what happened.

01:59I started sleepwalking.

02:01I started thumb sucking and I started eating a lot to soothe the pain.

02:06Went over to my aunt's house and my aunt said, she's walking funny.

02:09I was walking like a cowboy.

02:11The place that he touched felt funny and I couldn't understand why.

02:15The aunt would notice it, but my mama didn't notice it.

02:17So we went to the hospital.

02:19Doctor told I had gonorrhea, but it was kind of a surprise.

02:22Like they didn't understand how I caught it because I would never tell.

02:27I just told it was that did it to me, which is what I call my mom's boyfriend.

02:31They said that my hymen wasn't broken.

02:33They were kind of puzzled.

02:34How did you catch gonorrhea when your hymen isn't broken?

02:37And so they talked to my mom and she was like, well, you know, she did sit on his lap.

02:42And my mom told me later on that they said, well, maybe she caught it sitting on his lap,

02:46which doesn't make sense because I would have to be naked to do that.

02:50I just feel like my mom made a lot of excuses for things.

02:53Just like when she cheated saying that she didn't know how she caught gonorrhea if she never cheated on her

02:59boyfriend.

03:00After that incident, I don't know what he told my mom, but he told my mom he couldn't watch us

03:05anymore.

03:05Because I guess he figured I would tell.

03:07You know, she had to get a babysitter to start watching us or whatever.

03:11And he came over one day and this kind of stuck in my head a lot because when he came

03:16over and I looked out the window,

03:18I saw the top of his head because I was up on the top level and I was like, oh,

03:21that bad man is here.

03:22You know, I had to get a shot because of what he did to me.

03:25I don't want to hurt my mom.

03:27So I walked down the steps to go to the front door and I was just peeping around the corner.

03:32And he said, why would she say that about me?

03:34And my mom said, I don't know, but you can't come around anymore.

03:37And that's when he looked around my mom and he saw me.

03:39And my mom turned around and she looked at him and said, with a chuckle, she's what did she say?

03:46She's crazy or something like that.

03:48She was like, she couldn't understand why I was doing that.

03:51In my mind, a lot of things was going on in my mind.

03:54Like, what did I do? Was I wrong? Was he wrong? Was my mama wrong for bringing him?

03:58What was the case? And by then my mom had made her way to me.

04:01She had closed the door and she looked at me and said, what you peeping around corners for?

04:05And that kind of sealed my childhood because at that moment,

04:08I realized my mom didn't love me the same anymore.

04:11If I go through my photo album, there's no pictures of us anymore, hugged up or whatever.

04:17She really stopped loving me.

04:24After that incident, I was about nine.

04:26My mom, my aunt and my grandmother, just to give you a little back story,

04:30they all got pregnant around the same time.

04:32They would all take turns babysitting and I had a cousin.

04:36So my cousin and my uncle was around the same age and my uncle was very violent.

04:41He was my grandmother's golden child.

04:43He couldn't do any wrong, but he would single me and my brother out and just use us as a

04:48punching bag.

04:49He was physically brutal.

04:50Just to give you an example, he could be watching TV and I'd go in front of the TV

04:55and he would beat me up for walking in front of the TV.

04:58And so my cousin would see this, he would take up for me.

05:01And when the two of them fought, they fought like dogs.

05:04Like you couldn't, I'm talking about, they were drawing blood.

05:07They was all over the house, like a tornado.

05:09They was battling it out.

05:11And I would just be in the corner, balled up in the night.

05:14Because when my uncle would beat me, I would protect my head and protect my stomach.

05:19It was traumatic for me.

05:21But the thing is, at night, when everybody was asleep,

05:24not going to sleep because I knew it would happen when I was around my cousin.

05:27As soon as I fell asleep, whether it was 12 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock in the

05:31morning,

05:31it didn't matter.

05:32I would feel his fingers under the covers, just touching me all over my body.

05:36I would try to move in a way where he couldn't get to my front part.

05:41He would start whispering.

05:42Didn't I take up for you?

05:43Just let me touch it.

05:44Just let me put it in, just to tell.

05:46And I'm like, this is gross.

05:49First of all, you're my cousin.

05:50Who taught you this?

05:52The only way he would stop was if I screamed.

05:55And so, once he got to the part where he was pulling off my panties,

05:58I would make a loud sound to wake everybody up.

06:01And I automatically knew, once I made that sound,

06:03fall over, protect your head, protect your stomach.

06:06Because he would just beat me.

06:07I ended up getting married.

06:09The guy that I married was a really tough guy in the neighborhood.

06:12So, I'm like, he would protect me.

06:14So, that's when the sexual assault for my cousin went from 9 to 13.

06:18Every single time I spent the night around him.

06:21So, around 13, you know, I started talking to boys on the phone.

06:25My cousin stopped.

06:26And so, I got married to this guy and he started cheating right after marriage.

06:30So, we broke up because the baby, he started getting babies on me.

06:34But, I went to my brother one day and I was like, you know, I want to get

06:38because I was dealing with so much turmoil that I wanted to find an escape.

06:43So, I asked my brother, can I get with you and your friends?

06:47Will you look out for me?

06:48Because he went out all the time with his friends.

06:50He said, yeah, I got you, sis.

06:51His best friend named, he had my sister's baby daddy in the car.

06:57So, I'm like, okay.

06:58I feel safe.

06:59He stopped at the liquor store.

07:00He started giving me MD-2020 Cisco.

07:03Once I got intoxicated, his friend started touching on me, pulling on me,

07:08telling me that he always loved me.

07:10My limbs started getting really weak.

07:12I couldn't even push him off.

07:14And that's when I told my sister's boyfriend, I said, he won't leave me alone.

07:18In my mind, I'm saying, I'm watching my brother walk away.

07:21I'm watching him not take care of me.

07:24And I'm like, I think I'm getting set up.

07:26And he said, don't worry, sis.

07:27I got you back.

07:28You know, I'm going to make sure you get home safe.

07:30He gets to the house, jumps out the car.

07:33I got you.

07:34I'm going to take you to the house.

07:34And I'm like, no, leave me alone.

07:36I don't want you around me.

07:37And then my sister's boyfriend jumps out and starts to fight.

07:41Because I was determined that he was going to have sex with me that night.

07:45And they started fighting.

07:47And my brother jumped out the car.

07:49I'm thinking, he's going to help my sister's baby daddy.

07:53He's going to help him fight to protect me.

07:56He jumped on my sister's boyfriend.

07:59And my sister's boyfriend, I mean, and my brother is double-teening my sister's boyfriend.

08:06He was the only ally I had that night.

08:08He ran off.

08:09And he was just crying.

08:10He couldn't believe.

08:11Here he is trying to take care of me.

08:13And my brother is actually setting me up.

08:16I've been diagnosed with PTSD.

08:18Being severely depressed and having PTSD, it causes you to have heart problems.

08:24It causes you to have, you can actually have a stroke.

08:28And it causes stomach issues, nervousness.

08:32So am I really a survivor?

08:34When you think about all this stuff that I go through, it's a battle that I'm dealing with.

08:39And I'll probably deal with it for the rest of my life.

08:41The fact that I'm called crazy by my family is why I go to conventions and I go speak.

08:48I'm an advocate for people who've had childhood and adult trauma due to sexual abuse and domestic abuse.

08:57I actually tried to commit suicide.

09:00And I ended up in a mental hospital.

09:02And the day that I got ready to leave, I wrote this poem called Who Has Lived My Life.

09:06People were actually crying.

09:08And they were saying, you don't know how often I looked out my window and wondered,

09:13who could understand me?

09:15Who could know that I'm not crazy?

09:16And they told me that I did something that even the doctors couldn't do.

09:21And that was to let them know that they weren't alone.

09:24And that's why I feel like I have to tell my story.

09:27So the title of my book is called The Darkest Grey Revised.

09:31And it is about childhood and adult trauma.

09:35It starts off, just as I explained, with my mom coming home with my sister.

09:40And the reason I chose that is because the darkest gray is like the closest to black.

09:47Black meaning the darkest.

09:49When people go through stuff, they think that they're alone.

09:52And the thing that sets gray aside from dark is that little bit of light,

09:57no matter what is in the distance.

09:59But that little bit of light, it lets you know you're not completely there.

10:02You know what I'm saying?

10:03Like you're okay.

10:04You can come back.

10:05You can always come back when you have a little light.

10:07And that's why I titled it The Darkest Grey.

10:10When I was about 20, after me and my husband broke up, I realized that seeing a commercial

10:16about depression, I said, I'm depressed.

10:19You know what I'm saying?

10:20And so I started going to therapy.

10:23Therapy helps, but it doesn't, it's not a cure-all.

10:26The thing that helped me the most was pouring myself into that book.

10:30And going around and being an advocate and speaking at functions to help other people.

10:36And like I said, I've had people that say, I used to look out my window and wonder,

10:41who knows my pain?

10:43And so when I would tell them what I went through, they was like,

10:46now I know there's at least one person that understands what I'm going through.

10:51That, helping other people, helped me.

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