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Short filmTranscript
00:00I don't want to start a virgin.
00:01That'd be me to have you.
00:03I am.
00:04But I want to.
00:05You'll be nannying my daughter and my teenage, troublemaking son.
00:09What do you mean a teenage son?
00:10Baby and I at home!
00:13What are you doing here?
00:15Son, meet your new nanny.
00:17Oh god, I was just hired as my bully's nanny.
00:20I'm really sorry, but I can't work for you.
00:22You're contracted by the nannying agency to take any job they see fit to put you forward for.
00:27I know, but I'm really sorry, but I can't.
00:29If you walk away now, I'll make sure you never get another job again.
00:32Dad, I know that I was late picking Bailey up a couple of times, but we do not need a
00:36nanny.
00:36Don't try to bargain with me, Felix.
00:38You've made a right mess of yourself.
00:40You've got a bad attitude, you're sleeping in late, and your grades are dropping.
00:44And since your mum isn't around to keep you in line, I've got you the next best thing.
00:49Bailey's on board. Are you going to get in line?
00:51Or shall I take back the key to your fancy sports car?
00:53Fine. Don't blame me when she quits.
00:55You already know I'm not a quitter.
00:57Show her to the guest room. The agency have already dropped off her belongings.
01:02Look, I know the situation is weird, but I'll show you the obvious way if you stay out of my
01:05-
01:09Look, I want you out of my school, out of my house, and out of my life.
01:13And I'm going to make your life living hell until you quit.
01:16Fine.
01:18I'll make yours ten times worse. Your dad gave me full permission to punish you.
01:23Bring it on.
01:41Felix may bully me in school, but as his living nanny, I'm in charge at home.
01:45Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
01:51What the fuck?!
01:54Language. You don't want another punishment, do you?
02:15You know, if you wanted to get me wet, there's better ways to do that.
02:19Dry off, you have homework to do.
02:23No. I'm going to the beach, nanny.
02:25I don't think so.
02:37You'll go once you do your work.
02:43Good job, you only got a couple wrong this time.
02:46Study these ones next time so you get them right.
02:49I'm finished too.
02:52What the hell? Your market are more than the teachers do.
02:55Your dad expects your grades to go up under my supervision.
02:57So no self power.
03:03Well, I don't take notes from a slap.
03:06You're so immature.
03:07Oh no.
03:09Does my nanny need to punish me?
03:11You think I won't?
03:12What are you going to do?
03:14Spank me?
03:16Grounds me?
03:17I'd like to see you try.
03:21I have just the punishment for you.
03:24Well, it's time to feast.
03:28What the fuck?
03:35Dad, where's my door?
03:40You.
03:43Come on, Retrofit.
03:44We've got the horn in.
03:45Let's win this match.
03:50What the hell? I was about to win.
03:58We need to talk.
03:59Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of Bailey.
04:01Oh really?
04:02Okay, cool one.
04:03I was going to say that the rumours about you and the teachers, you know.
04:06I do just really do-
04:07Okay fine, we can talk.
04:13No.
04:14You have five minutes.
04:16You're kind of scary you do that.
04:18Me?
04:18You're the one that's been torturing me in school all year.
04:20No, no, no, no.
04:25After today I realised that that was child's play.
04:27You, you're an evil genius.
04:30You did tell me to punish you.
04:33Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?
04:34Are you finally ready to take me seriously as my nanny?
04:37No.
04:38I will never take you seriously as my nanny.
04:41But, I took on to make a deal.
04:44What kind of deal?
04:45The kind where I stay out of your way.
04:50So you're free to nanny baby.
04:51And I won't cause any problems.
04:54And in return, you stay out of my way.
04:58And tell my dad I've been a good little boy.
05:03And why would I agree to that?
05:05Because if you don't, I tell my dad I've got the hots for my nanny.
05:08He'll be out on your ass by dinner.
05:11Okay.
05:12But this only works if you actually behave.
05:15Don't skip school.
05:16And don't let your grades drop.
05:17I'll behave.
05:18Scout's honor.
05:23But first, some ground rules.
05:25Fair enough. What are they?
05:27Rule one, you already agreed to.
05:29You won't be my nanny in name, or action.
05:31Only if you behave.
05:33If your dad thinks I'm not doing my job.
05:35Don't worry about that, okay?
05:36Rule two, no one at school finds out.
05:38That you're my nanny, or that you live in my house.
05:41Deal.
05:42I have a rule two.
05:44Stop bullying me in school.
05:46You're not trying to control myself.
05:49Though I've not been very good at that around you.
05:52What are you doing?
05:53Stealing our deal.
05:55With a kiss.
05:58Are you kidding?
06:00We hate each other.
06:01Guess we'll have to do it the old-fashioned way then.
06:07Did we both think that this was the best that we found?
06:12Or were we too afraid to have no one around?
06:15I don't know, I don't know.
06:18Wait in the car, yeah?
06:18I don't want anyone knowing we're together.
06:20Fine.
06:22Well, Bailey's lunchbox!
06:24You need to go-
06:24I don't care.
06:26Maybe I can have a delivery service take this to her.
06:32Still showing your face at school?
06:34Haven't you got the message?
06:35What, do you hate me?
06:37I think that's pretty clear.
06:38Then I guess using words isn't enough.
06:41Are you going to pour your drink on me?
06:43How original.
06:44You already looked chuffed.
06:45Dumping this on you won't make a difference.
06:48I know the right way to hurt a desperate try-hard like you.
06:53Don't we have a history essay due today?
06:55No, I spent two weeks on that.
06:57Too bad I don't care.
06:59Felix, stop them!
07:01Did you just ask Felix for help?
07:03Don't tell me this pick-me is throwing herself at you now.
07:06If I stop Skye, she'll just go after Abby even harder.
07:09Next time you want to say my name, take me to the bedroom first.
07:24See you in class.
07:26Bottom feeder.
07:33What happened to our deal?
07:35I promised I wouldn't bully you.
07:37I didn't say I promised to protect you from other bullies.
07:39Yeah, but why are they bullying me Felix?
07:40Because you started it.
07:42They're just following your lead.
07:43I mean wait.
07:44No.
07:45Our deal's off.
07:50The delivery guy said he'd meet me here.
07:53I'm not good, thank you.
07:56What are you doing Jack?
07:57I don't know.
07:58In the gym or something?
07:59Oh my god.
08:00What is that?
08:03Damn, I knew she was a freak but I didn't realise she was that kinky.
08:07What do you reckon she's got in there?
08:09Sex toys?
08:11Hey!
08:11Come over here baby, show me what's in that lunchbox.
08:17Felix.
08:17Oh yeah.
08:19Felix, you left your lunch at home.
08:20What the hell?
08:21That's not Felix's.
08:22Yes it is.
08:23See, Felix Barnes.
08:26Abby, you're fucking more.
08:32Why is your last name on that lunchbox Felix?
08:34I'm not the only one with that last name.
08:36Why do you look so nervous man?
08:37Is that actually yours?
08:39It's not.
08:40It's not mine.
08:40It's...
08:40It's got four...
08:42Bailey Barnes?
08:43Yes, thank you.
08:44Bailey Barnes?
08:45Isn't that your little sister?
08:47Why does scholarship slut have it?
08:49I'm actually the nanny for Bailey.
08:52And Felix.
08:57No.
08:59Are you secretly a little baby?
09:02Do you need me to change your diaper?
09:03You want me to...
09:06That's enough, okay?
09:08And you're not my nanny.
09:10Help me!
09:11Help me!
09:13How dare you carry me like that?
09:14How dare you tell everyone that you're my nanny?
09:16Our deal included you not bullying me in school, remember?
09:18Yeah, I didn't.
09:19My friends did.
09:19Yeah, your friends.
09:20One word from you and they would've stopped, but you didn't.
09:23I can't control other people.
09:25Funny, I seem to remember you trying to control me when I became your nanny.
09:28So what, that's just it then?
09:29Not even one date and our deal's off.
09:30You drive me crazy.
09:32Your feelings mutual.
09:33Look, I'll see you at home, or you'll have a list of chores to do.
09:36I can't have you as my nanny anymore.
09:38Time to get you out of my house for good.
09:43Listen up!
09:44End of the world pool party tonight at House Barnes.
09:46Bring the chaos, we're partying till the sunrise.
09:48Oh my god!
10:01Nooo!
10:03That's so cute.
10:07Oh, that's so cute.
10:09I'm going to keep doing it.
10:13Oh my god!
10:14He's a little weird!
10:16Oh, that's so cute.
10:18Like my dog!
10:18Oh, I'm gonna keep doing it.
10:19What the hell is this?
10:22First annual Felix Barnes End of the World Party!
10:27Shut it down now.
10:29For what?
10:31I'll call your dad.
10:32Call him and tell him you have no control over me and he'll drop you as my nanny like that.
10:42Do you care that you're scaring your sister?
10:44He was a nanny. It's your job to take care of her.
10:52Oh, Bailey.
10:54It's okay. I'm gonna go get rid of everyone. You stay here and try to rest.
11:09Abby!
11:10I'd offer you a beer, but you're on the clock.
11:12You're getting absolutely pissed. And where's your dad sees?
11:16He probably fired the irresponsible nanny.
11:19Bailey is scared your house is getting trashed. Your dad's gonna be home early in the morning, so please shut
11:23this down.
11:24Quit the job.
11:25And the party ends.
11:27Want this party to end?
11:28Easy.
11:29You just gotta say two words.
11:31I quit.
11:32How about these two words?
11:34Fuck off.
11:35Why do I think she's hot? Even when she's telling me to fuck off. I should hate her.
11:41Anyways, I'm going to go and join my party. I know I need to quit. Come find me.
11:46Until then, leave me the fuck alone. Don't want you to kill my party.
11:53Yo, Scarlet.
11:54Wanna come play strip poker with the lads?
11:56I'm busy, Jack.
11:58Why is Abby Moore here? She has to know everyone hates her.
12:01Maybe she's trying to get with Felix.
12:03This is a party for the most popular people at school.
12:06Clearly, she's forgotten her place at Camden.
12:09Let's go and remind her.
12:12Hey, Abby!
12:14What are you doing at Felix's party?
12:16Trying to give all the guys erectile dysfunction.
12:19You're not a harsh guy. I'd still fuck her.
12:22Oh.
12:22Just put a bag on her head.
12:24You'd fuck anything, Jack.
12:26Look, see, your insults don't bother me anymore because I know you're just insecure.
12:30See, you're trying so hard and Felix still hasn't noticed you.
12:34What did you just say?
12:35Look, I'm just saying it must be hard having such an obvious crush on Felix
12:40and still being in the friendzone.
12:44You bitch.
12:52what the hell am I saying?
12:54Oh.
12:54Sky, please get that bag my...
12:56My bride see through.
12:57Oh.
12:58I'm not clicking what up.
13:02Go Fet.
13:10Swimming's easy, Abby.
13:12Just use yours.
13:13Yeah, or you could use those fun bags to float.
13:16What the hell am I saying?
13:19Ouch. No one wants to be associated with the teacher fucker.
13:23Yikes.
13:24Sky help!
13:26You're delusional if you think I'm going to help a pick me slut like you.
13:30I know just what I'm going to do with this foggy shirt.
13:36Help me this!
13:37Where is she?
13:38What's happening?
13:39Oh my god, Abby!
13:49I wanna hate this, I'll always show up.
13:52I don't ever slow up.
13:54No, I don't take shit.
13:55I got no love for the fakeness.
13:57If you wanna play tough and wanna hate this,
14:00I'll always show up and make a statement.
14:02I don't ever slow up.
14:04No, I don't take it.
14:05I saved me in two weeks.
14:07Why don't we belong?
14:09Abby, I hate this.
14:10I'll always show up and make a statement.
14:13Everything I do, so instinctive and so passionate.
14:15Every word I move, so descriptive.
14:16Where's your shirt?
14:18And your bra?
14:18I see their eyes.
14:19You're still looking at me.
14:24Shit.
14:25I can't look at her, or I'll get harmed.
14:35Don't you just use your shirt to get my attention?
14:40Please don't.
14:40I'm trying not to wait.
14:43I'm just saying.
14:44I've got your cradle, Charlotte, in my house.
14:51Just because I'm my nanny.
14:52I don't know why.
14:53This has nothing to do with you being my nanny.
14:56I've never got anyone's help.
14:59I had to do it all myself.
15:03I don't ever slow up.
15:04No, I don't take shit.
15:05I've got no wrong, but the faith is.
15:08If you wanna play tough, and wanna hate this, I'll always show up and make a statement.
15:12Where's my shirt?
15:13What, Abby?
15:14I really will do anything for protection, will you?
15:18Why don't you go check my whole house?
15:24I can't believe I'm stuck being nannied by my sworn enemy, and I can't stop thinking about her.
15:29This party better make her quit so I can get her out of my head.
15:31Why are we still here?
15:35Where do we belong?
15:37Where did we go wrong?
15:38Someone pinch me!
15:39Am I really staring at my enemy, Felix Barnes, naked?
15:43Close the door!
15:47I met with you on the other side of it.
15:49I can't, I can't leave.
15:51Why, because you're stalking?
15:52I came in here to get my shirt.
15:53I can't leave until I get my shirt.
15:55You're testing my patience, okay?
15:57You can get your clothes once I'm done changing.
15:59What are you doing?
16:01The door.
16:03Oh.
16:05It's locked.
16:11What does this mean?
16:13It means that you're trapped with me.
16:20We need to get out of here.
16:22Well, the door's bolted, and there's no windows, so...
16:25You're right.
16:27God, I hate saying that out loud.
16:29Well, at least you finally omitted it.
16:31Never thought I'd live to see the day.
16:32Don't get used to it.
16:34I wouldn't dream of it, Nanny.
16:41Put this on.
16:43Is this supposed to keep me warm?
16:45It's supposed to keep you covered, so you feel comfortable.
16:49Body heat, so I'm going to keep you warm.
16:51You're joking.
16:52What?
16:52I don't like it's that bad being so close to me.
16:55Seriously.
16:56What about this around us, then?
16:58We'll go stay warm.
17:02Do you think anyone's ever going to get us out of here?
17:05Probably not for a long time.
17:09Fuck.
17:10Her skin's so soft.
17:15Felix, do you have a hard-on?
17:16Can you give me some?
17:17See ya.
17:17Well done.
17:17You know what?
17:17See you next week?
17:18I'm targets this outside.
17:18I know when I'm tattooing from...
17:18Probably will be here for you.
17:18Who's moving around here?
17:18He's actually doing deals all over the Wizards,
17:19your trip, Marvin?
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