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00:00What do you ask?
00:01I'm Alan Dial, and like 22 Minutes,
00:04I've been around a long time, but...
00:05Traveling around way too long,
00:07I shouldn't still be around, should I?
00:12How are you doing?
00:13I was about to do a musical tribute
00:15for 22's 700th episode.
00:17Oh, loves it. Like this, like this.
00:20And a one-two-three-four!
00:25That's right, it all starts in 93,
00:27Same year as Great Big Sea.
00:29Hot news show on CBC.
00:32Greg, Mary, Kathy, Rick, talking about politics.
00:34Premiers and MPs, right for the mockery.
00:36He's in the park, Greg, Mark's an ex.
00:38Sean's in the picture, Della Hunt, he's smite.
00:40Red Acton, Stockwell, Doris Day,
00:42and they're talking to Americans and raising little hell.
00:44Harvest, golfing Jerry and Christian's hands around Mark's neck.
00:47Buddy dressing up like Trump and Kearney.
00:49Halifax-based, sociable.
00:51Have a music that's on your feed.
00:53Groceries, getting views like they'd follow for a trade war strategies.
00:56Chris is playing P&P, Stacey in the White House.
00:57The trade is looking nice.
00:59Nice!
00:59Luggest women company at your side.
01:01Left, right, CBC tonight.
01:03It's been 700 shows for 22 minutes.
01:06It's been 700 shows for 22 minutes.
01:09It's been 700 shows for 22 minutes.
01:13And it all starts now.
01:31And it all starts now.
01:33Everyone, it's our 700th episode!
01:39And we don't look a day over 650.
01:43We begin this historic episode with Prime Minister Mark Kearney.
01:47He's continuing his Could Have Been An Email trade tour.
01:50And if you catch him, grab us the official tour t-shirt.
01:55According to Global News, Kearney spent 19% of his first year out of the country,
01:59compared to Harper at 16% and Trudeau at 10%.
02:03Though Trudeau made that 10% count.
02:06On this trip, Kearney was accompanied by shiny new Liberal MP Matt Jenneru,
02:10because when you cross the floor, it comes with travel rewards.
02:15The Conservatives think the evident MP was rewarded for switching parties,
02:19but Trade Minister Maninder Sidhu swears that's not the case.
02:23Is it a present for crossing the floor?
02:25Absolutely not.
02:26He brings much value to the team.
02:28I've seen that firsthand at Trade Committee,
02:30and so I'm happy that he's coming along.
02:32Oh yeah, he is essential.
02:33I mean, what if the Prime Minister of Japan needs to know where to eat in Edmonton?
02:38The trade missions must be popular because Pierre Polyev is copying them.
02:42He's currently in the UK, where we can only assume he's asking their Prime Minister,
02:46what did Kearney say about me?
02:49Have fun in London, Pierre. I'm sure they're gonna love you.
02:52Oh!
02:52Oh, I'm just getting word the UK has stopped trading with us.
02:58Congrats, Liberals.
03:00Canada loves us again.
03:02Balance has been restored to the universe.
03:05Yes!
03:06Woo!
03:07Go team!
03:08Congrats, everybody.
03:09Congrats, yeah.
03:10Pierre.
03:11What are you doing here?
03:12Oh, I'm a Liberal now.
03:15Yeah.
03:15I crossed the floor, right?
03:18Yeah.
03:18Sorry, sorry.
03:19Transitioned.
03:20I know you guys like to say stuff like that.
03:22You crossed the floor to become a Liberal.
03:25Yeah.
03:25Yeah.
03:25Everyone else in my caucus was doing it, so I thought, what kind of leader would I be if
03:30I didn't follow?
03:31Really?
03:32Okay.
03:34If you're a Liberal, what do you see in this picture?
03:38Uh, three strangers meeting for the first time.
03:41It's a mixed race family.
03:42Oh.
03:43I have one of those.
03:44This feels superficial.
03:46No, it's not.
03:46I'm a Liberal.
03:48See?
03:49Got the socks.
03:50We don't do that anymore.
03:51Show them.
03:53Black Sock.
03:54Black Sock.
03:55Navy?
03:56This is Parliament, not the Ottawa Blues Fest.
03:59Get out.
04:01Oh.
04:02Welcome to Pierre.
04:04All open.
04:05Who's got ideas?
04:06Oh, I've got an idea.
04:07Being a Liberal is easy.
04:08Watch this.
04:10Refugees?
04:10In.
04:11Let's get more of them.
04:12And then let's just, like, give them money.
04:13That is not what...
04:15Oh!
04:15Oh!
04:15Got another great idea.
04:18Less houses.
04:20Eh?
04:20Eh?
04:21Liberal-ing is so easy.
04:22Pierre, I think we should recap the rules.
04:25Right.
04:25Sorry.
04:28One.
04:28Don't interrupt Daddy.
04:30Two.
04:30Kearney equals Daddy.
04:33Three.
04:33Just have fun...
04:34What?
04:35No.
04:35That's the old guy.
04:37Got it?
04:39Say no more.
04:39I hear you loud and clear.
04:41I'll just blend in.
04:43So, as you all know...
04:47Oh.
04:48Sorry.
04:49Don't mind me.
04:50I'm just frothing my Liberal oat milk.
04:53If I may.
04:54If I may.
04:55Oh!
04:55Thought of a new idea.
04:56Oh, you'll love this.
04:58Let's turn Highway 1 into a massive bike lane.
05:02If I may.
05:02If I may.
05:04Oh, sorry.
05:05I'm just chaining myself to this historic building.
05:09We've got to protect this old building.
05:11You guys love doing that stuff, right?
05:13Save the historic building!
05:15Where are you going?
05:16Don't cross the floor!
05:17Are you guys crossing back to the Conservatives to get away from me?
05:21Oh, no!
05:25Checkmate, Daddy.
05:27It's just you and me now.
05:30Maybe I'll cross to the Conservatives.
05:33Actually, that makes more sense.
05:35No.
05:37No.
05:39Mark, no.
05:40Don't leave me here.
05:42Mark, help!
05:47Anthropologists have discovered that female humans interbred with Neanderthals more often
05:51than previously thought.
05:52The more things change, the more they stay the same.
05:58A food columnist recently wrote that people aren't sharing bottles of wine like they used to.
06:03Likely due to the economy, shifts in drinking culture, and because I brought it for myself, Helen!
06:13The Gordie Howe Bridge was meant to bring Canadians and Americans together.
06:17Instead, it's pushing us apart.
06:19Trump is threatening to block it, claiming the bridge was built with no American materials.
06:25The bridge was fully funded by Canada's federal government.
06:29But now Trump is demanding the U.S. be, quote, fully compensated.
06:33Of course this is a Canadian bridge.
06:35It's called the Gordie Howe Bridge.
06:37What's more Canadian than the six-time MVP, four-time Stanley Cup champ,
06:41Hall of Famer, Saskatchewan's own Mr. Hockey Gordie Howe?
06:46The guy who invented Elbows Up.
06:49If it was an American bridge, it'd be called the Wayne Gretzky Bridge, right?
06:55The Ambassador Bridge is almost a century old.
06:58If it was a person, it would be United States Senator Mitch McConnell.
07:02This week has been good bipartisan cooperation, and a string of, uh, uh...
07:16It needs to be replaced!
07:19The Ambassador Bridge can't handle the demands of linking our two great nations.
07:23The Ambassador Bridge is almost doing as bad a job as America's ambassador to Canada is!
07:28People will say, Pete, you just don't understand why we're so mad about the 51st state.
07:33It's kind of like, yeah, you're right, I don't.
07:38Yeah, he really puts the ass in Ambassador, doesn't he?
07:42And it doesn't end there. Recently, he was caught swearing at Canadians in Ottawa.
07:47The U.S. Ambassador of Canada went on a tirade aimed at Ontario's Trade Minister.
07:53A witness says that he could be heard swearing, using the F word.
07:57Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ambassador, there's no need to bring Doug Ford into this.
08:02But since you brought him up, the Premier of Ontario had this to say.
08:05Come on, Ambassador. He's a guy, you know something? I like him.
08:09Uh, Pete, you gotta call, uh, Dave up and apologize. It's simple.
08:14You, you know, the cheese slipped off the cracker, I get it, you're ticked off.
08:17The Ambassador's a different type of cat.
08:19He thinks I'm a different type of cat, but he's a different type of cat as well.
08:23Well, I can think of a different name for a cat I'd like to call him.
08:25Look, our two countries should be all about building bridges, not burning them.
08:30Many bridges link our two countries, not just the Ambassador Bridge,
08:34or the Gordie Howe Bridge, or even the Rainbow Bridge.
08:36There's also the Zavikon Island Bridge.
08:39It's the world's shortest international bridge.
08:41It's located in a thousand islands on the St. Lawrence River.
08:44It links Rockport, Ontario to New York, and it's just 9.8 meters long.
08:49That's 32 feet for our American friends.
08:51It's as tiny and small as the minds of the men who fight over bridges.
08:57That's why I'm proposing that we rename the Zavikon Island Bridge
09:01the President Donald J. Trump Bridge.
09:05Trump's legacy should be memorialized with something of equal stature.
09:09It's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it.
09:11So go to change.org slash Trump Bridge to sign our petition.
09:16Let's use this tiny bridge to put the cheese back on the cracker.
09:19Elbows up for Gordie Howe!
09:34This week federal conservatives tried to pass a motion to stop the liberals
09:38from spoiling asylum seekers with luxuries like healthcare.
09:43And our biggest troll hopped under a bridge to explain why.
09:47In fact, the cost of providing these deluxe supplementary benefits
09:52to asylum claimants has gone up by a thousand percent under the liberals.
10:00Pierre, was that your best take?
10:05You had as much trouble getting through that as we did.
10:09To be clear, Polyev is talking about people who have had to leave their homes and are struggling to find
10:14new ones.
10:14If anyone should understand that, it's him!
10:20Congratulations, you two.
10:21Yeah, great job on the baby, honey.
10:23So, any thoughts on a name yet?
10:24No, we wanted to wait, you know, just to make sure his name fit what he looked like.
10:28Well, we've got a new AI program that shows what your baby will look like as an adult based on
10:33its name.
10:33So, you get the exact adult you want.
10:35Wow, really?
10:36Okay, yeah, let's try that.
10:38Good choice.
10:40What name are we thinking?
10:44Let's try Gregory.
10:46Generate adult Gregory.
10:48Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. I'm Greg. I'm 63 and big into trains.
10:54I mean, I like trains in a very big way.
10:57I can't wait to be your son.
11:01Wow.
11:03Okay.
11:04So, that's what he's going to be like if he's Gregory?
11:07Yes, if the simulation is 100% accurate.
11:10Okay, let's try Colin.
11:13Generate Colin.
11:14Hi, my name's Colin. I'm 63 and my perfect amount of browser tabs to have open is 47.
11:21Okay, that's a lot.
11:22Yeah, let's try Henry.
11:24What's up? I'm 63. I'm Henry.
11:27I prefer gas station coffee. And when the plane lands, I clap.
11:31Why are they all 63?
11:33Yeah.
11:34You know what's a good one? Anthony.
11:36Anthony here. Tony for short. I'm really into feet.
11:40And is it just me or can you not joke about anything these days?
11:44Jeff.
11:45Yeah.
11:46Hi, I'm Jeff. And when I go for Chinese food, I order in the accent.
11:50No, no, no, no.
11:51She met with Jeff with a J.
11:52Oh, okay. It did G-E-O.
11:54Oh.
11:55Hi, I'm Jeff spelled normal. And if I can open up for a second, Mom, Dad, I'm pretty in defeat.
12:02These are all the same guy.
12:03Hey, it's your baby. This just shows how it'll probably turn out.
12:06You know, we should just name him after your dad.
12:08Yeah, that's a great idea. Can we try Peter?
12:11Peter, coming up.
12:13Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. I'm Peter.
12:16Wow, he looks just like you.
12:17He looks just like us.
12:19What can I say? I've got a great job, two kids who love their grandparents, and I never miss a
12:25FaceTime.
12:26Oh.
12:28Oh, and I'm really into feet.
12:31Okay, so can we see Gregory again?
12:33Yeah, let's see the train down.
12:34Woo-woo! Mom, Dad, get on board!
12:43Can I get an Americano?
12:44Yeah, just so you know, we had to increase our prices because of climate change, drought, you know.
12:49Well, I love coffee, so whatever it is, I'll pay it.
12:52So that will be $7.
12:59No.
13:00I'm sorry, what?
13:02I don't want that.
13:07I don't understand.
13:09The number you said is too many.
13:12It's too many numbers, so no.
13:17So you don't want a coffee today?
13:20I don't want a coffee today.
13:25I'm sorry, what's happening up here?
13:27I just told her the price of the coffee and now I guess she doesn't want it?
13:30You can't do that.
13:32It's fine.
13:33How much is her coffee?
13:33I'll get it.
13:34$7.
13:36No.
13:38That is too many for that.
13:44It's too many.
13:47Hey, everyone!
13:48We don't have to get it even though we really want it.
13:53Because it's too many.
13:57Look who comes crawling back.
13:59No.
14:00A message from Tim Hortons.
14:13A Dallas woman has accidentally been declared dead four times since 2017.
14:18Girl, take the hint!
14:21A new study suggests Genghis Khan didn't have as many children as previously believed,
14:26especially after he started using Genghis condoms.
14:33And now, the State of the Union from President Donald Trump.
14:38The State of the United States is a state of denial.
14:42Soon, we will celebrate the 250th anniversary of the United States on July 4th.
14:50It's the golden age of America and its season finale.
14:54The last year of America, we're going out with a bang way better than Game of Thrones,
14:59Stranger Things, much better than Sopranos.
15:01When I inherited this country, we had violence and mayhem all over the world.
15:07And now, after just one year, we have violence and mayhem right here at home.
15:12Fentanyl coming over the border is down 56%.
15:17And Canadians coming over the border are down 100%.
15:21We ended DEI in America.
15:24We also ended human rights.
15:26Inhuman wrongs are back in a big way.
15:28We're winning so much, we don't know what to do about it.
15:33That's why I invited the men's gold medal winning hockey squad.
15:37There they are.
15:39We love ice hockey.
15:40They have an incredible goaltender, which is a position like front stickman and assistant wing person.
15:46We beat the Canadians at their own game.
15:49That's like them beating us at talking loud and racism.
15:52Incredible.
15:53The Supreme Court, there they are, said my beautiful tariffs against Canada and other dirtbag countries were illegal.
16:01We must respect the rule of law.
16:03Even though these judges are dirty, evil Hogwarts dressing, America-hating monsters, you nasty.
16:10The economy is back.
16:13No tax on tips.
16:14No tax on overtime.
16:15No tax on payoffs.
16:16No tax on bribes.
16:18No tax on hush money.
16:19I am stopping the terrible Obamacare and replacing it with incredible Trumpcare.
16:26Free diapers and dentures for anyone making $2 million or more a year.
16:30Trumpcare.
16:31And now I just want to see how much I can make you stand up and clap.
16:37Ice.
16:37Not ice hockey.
16:38Just ice.
16:41Kid rock.
16:42We love kid rock, don't we?
16:48The Democrats are poopoo pants.
16:50I'm rubber and you're glue.
16:51I know you are, but what am I?
16:54Democrats should be ashamed of yourselves for not standing.
16:57You should be ashamed of yourselves.
16:58You're nasty losers.
17:00You're picky.
17:01Pickies.
17:05Trump's State of the Union failed to mention one little thing.
17:09Going to war!
17:11On Friday night, America and Israel attacked Iran in a mission the Pentagon dubbed Operation Epic Fury.
17:18Though we're calling it Operation Extreme Dementia.
17:23The President launched the attack surrounded by his brightest military strategists
17:28in a state-of-the-art military facility.
17:30Right?
17:31So they were down at Mar-a-Lago.
17:33We've actually now seen videos of President Trump attending an event.
17:36He just stopped by.
17:37He's dancing to music.
17:38Then he says he has to go work.
17:40It appears in one of the photos that Pete Hegseth is in there.
17:43They planned the war from Mar-a-Lago?
17:47You know Hegseth hit the swim-up bar.
17:49Oh no!
17:50I meant Jager Bomb!
17:54The President announced the strikes on Friday night and had an inspiring message for the troops.
18:00The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost and we may have casualties.
18:06That often happens in war.
18:08How would you know what happens in war, President Bonespurs?
18:13So, what is Canada's response?
18:15Prime Minister Carney, still riding the high of his Davos speech where he quoted Greek philosophy
18:20and urged middle powers to resist hegemony, had this to say.
18:24It is a serious conflict.
18:27In a serious conflict you have to make choices.
18:30Uh-oh!
18:33Looks like someone left their thesaurus in Switzerland!
18:48A Saskatoon restaurant has been forced to close after a customer found a cockroach in their grilled cheese sandwich.
18:54I'm sorry, did you not hear her explicitly say on the side?
18:59Mr. Clean has officially announced his retirement as the company's mascot.
19:03This after a magic eraser couldn't get his name under the Epstein files.
19:10Attention Air Canada passengers going to Victoria.
19:13Your flight is delayed two hours due to our negligence.
19:16Attention WestJet passengers en route to Calgary.
19:19Good luck with that.
19:21Attention WestJet...
19:22Excuse me.
19:23Stop hugging the con.
19:24I need it. I have like a million disappointing things to say to them.
19:27Trust me, I have no more.
19:28Attention Victoria passengers will be delayed so we can re-ice the plane.
19:32Jumping in to speak with WestJet passengers, your checked bags are goners.
19:35Reclaiming the horn to remind Air Canada passengers that our beverage carts are dry.
19:40WestJet passengers, if your flight does take off, it will be without toilet.
19:45I haven't met Dan yet. You sure you want to do this?
19:48Let's fly.
19:49The pilot just got here and he wants me to let you know he's nervous.
19:53Your in-flight entertainment is down so we hired a juggler and he's back.
19:57Today's flight is shoes off.
19:59This flight just babies.
20:01The air nozzles above your seats are blowin' hot.
20:04Your incoming plane experience what can only be described as a biohazard.
20:08Here's a list of standby passengers who are going absolutely nowhere.
20:11There's a longer list.
20:12Tina Applebaum.
20:13Jackson Wickleman.
20:14Jing Poo.
20:15John Poo.
20:16Your mom!
20:17Hang it up!
20:20You two have been hogging the intercom all morning.
20:23Some of us also need to make announcements.
20:25Attention air transit passengers, you are all ants.
20:29If I had a magnifying glass, I would burn you.
20:34We lost all your bags.
20:37Amateurs.
20:41That's the way we saw the world in our 700th episode.
20:44It takes a lot of people to make 22 minutes, too many to mention.
20:47But the credits are rolling now so those are their names and here are just a few of them.
20:51Give it up for our amazing team.
20:55Thanks to our amazing studio audience here in Halifax.
21:00And thanks to all of you for tuning in and streaming.
21:03And a big thanks to the CBC for believing in us for 700 episodes.
21:08Here's to 700 more.
21:10Good night!
21:10Good night!
21:13Good night!
21:18Looks good.
21:20Good day.
21:21Good day.
21:22Good day!
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