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00:25Where have you been?
00:30Where have you been?
01:18The minute you had a breakdown in Stepney, I only just got the message back at the yard.
01:25Don't worry, he ain't back yet.
01:28Did he say what he was about or what?
01:29No, he phones.
01:30He says, er, get home.
01:32I need to talk to everyone.
01:39Where's Sam?
01:40In her room.
01:41Shall I get her?
01:43Oh, I said everyone, didn't I?
01:45Sorry.
01:47Samantha!
01:49Get my fags, Grant.
01:51Get me a drink, Philip.
01:55What are you doing at that plonk of Nigel's?
01:57You're supposed to be job hunting.
01:58There's nothing out there.
01:59It's 1985 and three and a half million unemployed.
02:0322 is on the sausage.
02:05Daddy!
02:06There's my girl.
02:07Come here.
02:08Here's a girl.
02:09Yeah, look, I've got you a present from the market.
02:11No!
02:14Make-up.
02:15And Mum didn't teach you to be pretty.
02:18And where she once was.
02:21What was so urgent, Dad?
02:23Popping up the hospital.
02:25With a consultant.
02:28I won't be seeing Christmas.
02:30He's giving me three months.
02:32Tops.
02:33What?
02:34You're lying.
02:36Dad!
02:37Bleeding now, Eric.
02:38Why'd you have to say it in front of her?
02:40It's okay, darling.
02:43I'll talk to her.
03:03I'm sorry, Dad.
03:05Oh, well, we knew it was coming.
03:08I'll give my notice in at the cab office.
03:11I'm gonna look after you, all right?
03:14I'm not having this.
03:18I mean, they say three months, but they don't know.
03:22You're a warrior, Eric.
03:24You'll prove them wrong.
03:27Well, I was thinking on the way back, babe.
03:32It ain't been much of a life.
03:36And if I had it again,
03:38I'd do things different.
03:41I had ambition when I was younger.
03:43There were chances for me,
03:45and then you come along,
03:47and the next thing you know,
03:48ease in your belly and all the dreams go out the door.
03:52Now, go on, get out of my sight.
03:55Go!
03:56Mum.
04:00Why you gotta be so spiteful?
04:04You're frightened, ain't ya?
04:07Frightened?
04:10I'm calm, boy.
04:19That hospital was shutting.
04:22Loads of them are going all over the East End.
04:26I see them up there in the wards.
04:29They're like ghosts already.
04:33Your mum's gonna chuck in her job to sit at home,
04:35feeding me liquid slop.
04:36You think I'm gonna have that?
04:37Me?
04:38What are you getting at?
04:40I'm in charge of me, boy.
04:43Monday, you might know what that means.
04:47I pray you don't.
05:06day Rodrigo we are now
05:08or I'm forced to dance with you.
05:12La la la la la la la
05:23Global cord on AMBUSible
05:23Who's at?
05:29Oh, oh, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil.
05:37We're doing this now, aren't we, eh?
05:45You need help.
05:49I'll tell you what I need.
05:52I need peace.
05:54And I need quiet.
05:56And you.
05:59You're spoiling it.
06:03Oi.
06:06Don't forget your fags.
06:16Jay, any sign?
06:18Cathy's checking the Albert.
06:19Well, the artist is dead. I've checked the boxing gym. Nothing.
06:21What's happening around at this place?
06:23Burning things.
06:24Photos of his family.
06:26Honey, wondering why I'm not at my own party.
06:28She has got a point.
06:30Look, yous go, all right?
06:31I'll check in with Cathy. I'll do another lap.
06:33All right, I'll keep calling.
06:34I don't like this, Billy.
06:36Sharon, just film it, too, all right?
06:39The indestructible.
06:40Call me.
06:52I'll be going.
06:54All right, let's go.
06:55Oh, God.
06:56Let's go.
06:56Oh, God.
06:57Oh, God.
06:57Oh, God.
06:58Oh, God.
06:58Oh, God.
07:00Oh, God.
07:16Your head's scrambled.
07:19I think you look to me when you need clarity.
07:24Clarity with what?
07:27You know.
07:29No.
07:30No, I don't know.
07:32Come on.
07:34You know.
07:37What else would you be thinking about Mum and Dad, eh?
07:50Who are you going to take after?
07:59Bill.
08:06Bill, when you're in there, it's Jay. Open up.
08:10Bill.
08:13Bill.
08:16Well, let yourself in, why don't you?
08:19Never mind what I might.
08:20I might not be doing.
08:22Yeah, well, Sharon's had half the square out looking for you.
08:23Where you been?
08:24Nowhere.
08:27Just trying to get away from her consult, the earache.
08:30Oh.
08:32So you're all right, then, are you?
08:33Me?
08:35Top of the box, mate.
08:38You sure?
08:42Oh, no!
08:45Oh, no!
08:46Oh, no!
08:46Oh, no!
08:47Oh, no!
08:49Oh, no!
08:53What's it?
08:54What are we doing?
08:54Let's just go to Harry's mouth!
08:55Oh!
08:58Come on!
08:59Come on!
09:00Come on!
09:01Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!
09:08Sounds like Billy's on the move.
09:12Here.
09:14Oh, dear.
09:28Them photos in the sink.
09:31They was your old man, aren't they?
09:38You hated him, didn't you?
09:42I respected him.
09:45I said he was...
09:47He was strong.
09:51How old were you when he died?
09:5424.
09:57It's tough.
10:00You've got a man at 24, didn't you?
10:03No parents died.
10:04Just...
10:06Just get over it.
10:07Get on with it.
10:08I was nine when my mum died and I was 13 when I lost my dad.
10:14Exactly.
10:15If you're bellyaching at 24, there's something wrong with you.
10:19I was nearly 30 when I lost Lola.
10:22So what are you saying? I should have just cracked on.
10:25When you were 60-odd, you couldn't even say goodbye to her.
10:27What are you digging me out for?
10:29Me?
10:29What are you digging me out for?
10:31I'm not digging you out.
10:33I'm just saying there's not a cut-off point where you should stop feeling grief.
10:38Well, that's you, Jay.
10:40That's you, you've got heart.
10:42You've got soul.
10:44Me?
10:45Me, I'm different.
10:48You look tired, Phil.
10:50Yeah.
10:51How's your kit been?
10:53It's not good.
10:55It's not...
10:56It's not good.
10:57Sometimes I lay there like 10, 12 hours straight and...
11:02I'm there.
11:03You know, I'm there in my eyeballs.
11:06It's not even black.
11:07It's not even black.
11:09It's like grey, pink and I'm like stone, you know?
11:14I'm like stone.
11:15And then these bits come at me like splinters, thoughts and memories.
11:21About what?
11:25About nothing.
11:28These last few months, I don't know.
11:29It's like...
11:32It's like there's a battle going on, a war.
11:34You know?
11:36Between...
11:38Between...
11:40Here...
11:42And...
11:42Here.
11:44What do you mean, Phil?
11:46Like...
11:47You know, you can't...
11:48You can't trust your body.
11:50Anybody who can't trust you, you know?
11:51It lies there.
11:53In what way? I don't know what you mean.
11:55Oh, no.
11:56You know, in a way, like...
11:58People die.
11:59You know, like...
12:01Like Lola.
12:02Yeah? I mean...
12:03You know, she...
12:06She had her body, it was mutating on her.
12:08It weren't doing what she wanted it to do.
12:11I mean, is that right?
12:13It's wrong, isn't it?
12:14You know, she's young.
12:14She's healthy.
12:15She's fit.
12:16You know, she's...
12:17She's never done nothing to no one.
12:19Nothing in her whole life.
12:20Nothing.
12:21And then...
12:22And then there's, like, to me.
12:24You know, I mean, I've...
12:25I've smashed my body against a brick wall so many times,
12:27and I just never die, you know?
12:29Drink, drugs, fights, heart attacks.
12:33Shot.
12:34Cirrhosis.
12:36And...
12:36You know, I should be dead.
12:40I should be dead.
12:41And in the ground, but my body just don't...
12:43It don't take the hint.
12:45You know what I mean?
12:46And it's like...
12:48You know, I drink...
12:51I've drunk myself into holes I shouldn't get out of,
12:54and I'll just get out of them again.
12:56And...
12:57And I've abused my organs, and...
13:00I've snapped things, and my eyes have gone bloodshot from...
13:05...puing.
13:07And my body just...
13:08It keeps...
13:09It keeps on repairing.
13:11You know, it keeps...
13:12The blood going round, and round, and round.
13:15And...
13:16It gets...
13:17...and building.
13:19And I'm like, you...
13:21You're wasting your time, boys.
13:23You're wasting your time, boys, with this one.
13:25Just...
13:25Yeah, but...
13:26But, Phil, that's because you're a warrior.
13:30Yeah.
13:31Yeah.
13:33Yeah.
13:34Yeah, I'm a warrior.
13:36Yeah.
13:37I'm a spar, actually.
13:38I'm a spar.
13:39You are?
13:39We are.
13:40We both are.
13:41We both are.
13:41I'm sorry.
13:43I'm sorry.
13:43I just...
13:45I'm tired.
13:45Yeah, I'm tired.
13:46I'm tired.
13:47I just think I...
13:47I haven't been getting enough sleep.
13:50I'm sorry.
13:51I'm sorry.
13:51Look.
13:52Look.
13:54You all right, yeah?
13:56Yeah, yeah, I'm all right.
13:58I am all right.
13:59You sure?
14:00Yeah, I'm sorry.
14:01I'm just tired.
14:02I'm not getting enough sleep.
14:08You know, I, erm...
14:11I sorted a load of stuff out after Lola died, and I came across the coroner's report from
14:18my dad.
14:18Yeah.
14:20And there was a statement in there from one of the paramedics, and this paramedic must
14:23have seen loads of stabbings over the years, but...
14:26Do you know what he said about my dad, Phil?
14:31He said that he fought.
14:35And that's what we do, innit?
14:37Yeah.
14:39Yeah, that's what we do.
14:44Are you sure you're all right?
14:46Yeah.
14:46Yes.
14:47Yes.
14:49I'm all right.
14:51I'm fine.
15:12I'm fine.
15:13I'm fine.
15:14I'm fine.
15:14I'm fine.
15:15Trust me.
15:32Big?
15:35Grant?
15:37Incidentally, the ice hockey that you'll have seen
15:38building the Radio Times, that's the World Championship
15:40final and the British Championship finals
15:43will be back to lunch.
15:45Grant?
15:45The Royal Times was here...
15:47Is there any other questions that you have in the United States?
15:51100,000 people will be killing Wembley Stadium this afternoon.
15:57For the right of the moment, we have turned our forth tolvs
16:00to Snowy Staminer who takes us to early and as
16:03I was hoping to be able to take time to them in their
16:05respective ways. And Bob
16:06Wilson up there in the stand has the details for us, Bob. ...
16:10Here we go.
16:50Dad!
16:52Dad!
17:04I was clean, did it?
17:06With what?
17:07There's no cloth.
17:12Is this what you meant before, is it?
17:15About being in charge of yourself.
17:17Phil's got me in at the garage.
17:19I'll start Monday.
17:22What's that doing out?
17:24There's a nine-year-old girl living here.
17:27Dad's putting her away now, isn't you?
17:33Yeah, Phil.
17:36Something to remember me by.
17:40They say everyone's got a bullet.
17:42Put their name on it.
17:48You should be safe now.
17:55Listen, if you need to talk, then I'm here.
18:00You can talk to me.
18:03You want one, Grant?
18:05That ain't funny.
18:06There's something wrong with you.
18:08Shut up, Billy Haken.
18:10Most lads go to war, come back as men.
18:13You do one piddling tour and it turns you into a pansy.
18:17Yeah, you don't know what you're talking about.
18:19I know your mother had to whip your sheets down the lingerie a few times.
18:22Do you want me to put you through the telly?
18:24Because I will.
18:25Right?
18:25Cancer or not?
18:26The Falklands weren't a joke.
18:28It was a five-minute war, Grant.
18:30Yeah, you reckon?
18:31All right, pack it to you.
18:32Now you're out of here!
18:33Hey!
18:34Come here!
18:35Huh?
18:35Wading through the sea, crawling over jagged rocks, in the snow, blowing some poor kid's
18:40head off in the morning and another in the afternoon.
18:44You've got no idea what we went through.
18:47No!
18:48He's right.
18:51He's right.
18:53And I've been watching you.
18:55Yeah, you're the problem.
18:58It's you.
18:59You twist people's heads and you get off on it.
19:02You did it to me.
19:03You've done it to all of us.
19:12What are you doing?
19:13It's not me.
19:15I need to get rid of.
19:17It's him!
19:18Him!
19:19No.
19:20No, that won't fix anything, is it?
19:21Shut up!
19:23Shut up.
19:24I'll decide what happens.
19:27Come on in.
19:28Come on in.
19:29You're going to take it like a man, eh?
19:31Like a man!
19:34Stay to you.
19:39What?
19:40It's what you've become.
19:42Put the gun down.
19:44Shut up!
19:47It's all right, Grant.
19:49He ain't gonna do anything.
19:51Are ya?
19:53Eh?
19:54No.
19:56He's gonna huff.
19:57And he's gonna puff.
19:59But in the end,
20:00he's gonna buckle.
20:02Just like he did
20:03with Keeble.
20:05And Keanu.
20:07And Archie.
20:08And Johnny.
20:09And Stella.
20:11And you, Grant.
20:13Eh?
20:14By the docks.
20:15It's the come-up short guy.
20:18Ain't ya?
20:19Eh?
20:20Billy.
20:21Bottler.
20:24What are you gonna do?
20:25Eh?
20:29You're standing there.
20:30Shaky hand.
20:32Your lip going.
20:34Your eyes are all teary.
20:37Come on, Phil.
20:39Be a man.
20:40Eh?
20:41Be a man!
20:43Come on, be a man!
20:44Be a man!
20:45Ah!
20:47Ah!
20:49Phil!
20:51Why have they got the bolt on?
20:55Phil, open the door now!
21:07Why the hell is it, Lynn?
21:10I've been calling and calling you.
21:12Ah!
21:13I, er...
21:14I went for a walk.
21:16And you didn't think to answer my calls?
21:18Ah!
21:18I didn't see him.
21:19I left me phone here.
21:20You've been scaring the life out of me.
21:22What's going on?
21:22Nothing.
21:23I'm fine.
21:25No, you're not fine.
21:27I know you and I can tell.
21:29So stop lying and start talking to me now.
21:33Oh, I've had, er...
21:36I've had a rocky few days.
21:37You know, it's the pain of this.
21:39It's doing my head in and, er...
21:42Well, I hate being cooped up and I hate taking pills and...
21:44And so I went for a walk.
21:46To see if I could.
21:47And I could, so...
21:48So things are looking up.
21:51Well, you do look better than the last time I saw you.
21:54Yeah, fair.
21:57Turned a bit of a corner, tonight.
22:02It's Kathy.
22:03Well, I'll answer her. Let her know I'm all right.
22:08Hi.
22:10Yeah, I'm with Phil now.
22:11He's in one piece.
22:14Really?
22:16Well, how does she see him?
22:20Okay.
22:22Linda's out of rehab.
22:24Go and see her.
22:26You're coming with me?
22:27No, no, no, not like this.
22:28Not when I'm staying here, then.
22:29Look, I appreciate it, but you've done enough, Sharon, right?
22:33The last time I saw Peggy, I promised I'd look out for you.
22:38What would she say if she saw you now?
22:43Just go and see her.
22:44She...
22:45Yeah, go and see Linda.
22:46She's your mate, isn't she?
22:48I'm gonna go upstairs, have a shower, and...
22:51I'm outside the way we can.
22:52We can...
22:54Catch up later.
22:57I'm not giving up on you.
23:00I know.
23:02Thanks.
23:34When did you get out?
23:36Earlier today.
23:37Why didn't you tell us?
23:39Oh, I didn't want a big thing.
23:41Well, Johnny said that it was Billy and Pani's stag and hen do,
23:44so I just slipped in quietly.
23:46I am so proud of you, darling.
23:49I couldn't have done it without your support.
23:52Linda.
23:53What's wrong?
23:56Oh.
23:59God.
24:01Oh, I'm so blessed to still have you all in my life.
24:04We all look after our own.
24:08This time was bad.
24:11I've never been more scared in my whole life.
24:14I was in hell.
24:18Truly.
24:20Everything was so dark.
24:23I really felt like there was no way back to any sort of light.
24:29I held hands with death.
24:32Saw my own grave.
24:36I don't ever, ever want to go there again.
24:41How do I get out of this, Mum?
24:45I just...
24:46I just want it to stop.
24:52I know you do.
24:55And it will.
25:16I know you do.
25:18What are you smiling at?
25:20This is a version of you that I remember.
25:25Pocket.
25:26Rocket Peggy, yeah.
25:29You came into your own after Dad died.
25:32We all stepped up.
25:35For each other.
25:37Did you regret sticking with him?
25:41Family's family.
25:43They can be the worst people in the world.
25:46Let you down when you need them the most.
25:50But they're all we've got.
25:52You're talking about me.
25:54And you?
25:57Well then, hurry on.
26:00Say what you think.
26:02Oh, Phil.
26:04What do I think?
26:09I think I had dreams of you happily married with kids.
26:14I imagined you taking me away on holiday with your family.
26:19Granny Mitchell.
26:21Spoiling the kids.
26:23Having one too many.
26:24Oh, I would have loved that.
26:28It's a joke, though, isn't it?
26:33Look at you.
26:3664 and not a friend in the world.
26:39Not so much a life.
26:42More a smear across six decades.
26:46It's his fault.
26:49It's...
26:50It's Dad's fault.
26:52Sure.
26:53It's his fault.
26:54It's my fault.
26:55It's Grant's fault.
26:57Kathy, Sharon, Lisa, Kat.
26:59Always them.
27:00Never you.
27:03You make out you care about people.
27:06But you don't.
27:08You hurt them.
27:10You abuse them.
27:14Eric was not a kind man to me.
27:17But I grieve for him.
27:19And I grieve for you, too.
27:23I grieve.
27:25Because you ended up just like him.
27:29Is this...
27:32Is this what you really think?
27:35Oh.
27:36Ew.
27:37Sweetheart.
27:39It's what you think I think.
27:43And I'm not here to say any different.
27:45So it's all we've got, really, isn't it?
27:49But you know what?
27:51You can still make the world a better place.
27:56How?
28:09By letting your kids grow up without you in their lives.
28:20The evening I died, I saw a blackbird in the tree on the square.
28:27It sang to me.
28:29It was so beautiful.
28:34Later, when I was getting ready, I went into the bathroom and I heard that bird again feel.
28:40But its song was different.
28:43Panicked.
28:45I looked out the window and I saw it on the roof of the shed with its chick.
28:52This poor little thing.
28:55Featherless.
28:56Yellow beak.
28:59Grey, pink body like a raw chicken wing.
29:04The thing was dead.
29:07I don't know if it had rolled out of its nest or the cold had got to it, but its
29:12mum was trying to revive it somehow.
29:15Picking this little scrap up in its beak, trying to shake it back to life, but she couldn't.
29:22I don't think I've ever seen anything so sad.
29:27When my time came,
29:30that poor little baby and its mum were with me, Phil.
29:44I've always loved you.
29:48From the moment I first held you in my arms.
29:52My gorgeous boy.
29:55My first...
29:58best... boy.
29:59I...
30:13I...
30:14I...
30:21I...
30:22Phil!
30:23Are you okay?
30:24Hey!
30:26Phil?
30:29Phil?
30:31You okay?
30:33I was a bit worried about you.
30:37Thought you might want to see a friendly face.
30:43Hello, bruv.
30:57I will see you back.
31:00I'll see you next time now.
31:01Bye!
31:14Bye!
31:17Bye!

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