- 8 minutes ago
In this deeply personal and eye-opening episode, Octavia Red shares her journey of growing up in a conservative Christian household while privately exploring questions about identity, desire, and personal freedom. She speaks candidly about the emotional tension between religious teachings and natural curiosity, describing how those early experiences shaped her worldview, relationships, and career choices later in life.
Octavia explains how strict cultural expectations influenced her understanding of right and wrong, and how stepping outside that framework required both courage and self-reflection. She discusses the process of unlearning shame, redefining her values, and embracing a more compassionate and open-minded perspective on sexuality and self-expression.
The conversation also touches on:
The impact of religious upbringing on confidence, relationships, and communication
How personal identity evolves when beliefs are questioned
The importance of consent, self-awareness, and honest dialogue in modern relationships
Breaking stereotypes around adult entertainment and the people who work within it
Finding balance between past beliefs and present-day authenticity
Rather than being sensational, this episode focuses on human experience—how people grow, question, and ultimately define their own path. Octavia’s story highlights resilience, self-discovery, and the power of open conversation in a world where culture and identity continue to evolve.
This documentary-style discussion invites listeners to reflect on their own upbringing, beliefs, and the ways society shapes our understanding of relationships, identity, and personal fulfillment.
Octavia explains how strict cultural expectations influenced her understanding of right and wrong, and how stepping outside that framework required both courage and self-reflection. She discusses the process of unlearning shame, redefining her values, and embracing a more compassionate and open-minded perspective on sexuality and self-expression.
The conversation also touches on:
The impact of religious upbringing on confidence, relationships, and communication
How personal identity evolves when beliefs are questioned
The importance of consent, self-awareness, and honest dialogue in modern relationships
Breaking stereotypes around adult entertainment and the people who work within it
Finding balance between past beliefs and present-day authenticity
Rather than being sensational, this episode focuses on human experience—how people grow, question, and ultimately define their own path. Octavia’s story highlights resilience, self-discovery, and the power of open conversation in a world where culture and identity continue to evolve.
This documentary-style discussion invites listeners to reflect on their own upbringing, beliefs, and the ways society shapes our understanding of relationships, identity, and personal fulfillment.
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FunTranscript
00:01I was a very emo punk kid up in Northern California, so it's very like rock and roll.
00:07I read so much literatica. I do that more than I watch porn.
00:11There's something beautiful about masculinity, so seeing two hot guys going at it, I love that.
00:17I would love to be a fly on the wall for that all the time.
00:22Hi, my name is Brie Mills, and I am a porn director with a purpose.
00:28Now, throughout my career, I have covered just about every niche, and I've created some award-winning films and brands
00:37along the way.
00:38But now, I'm much more interested in getting to know the real people behind my characters.
00:45And that's because I believe adult entertainers can be some of the most powerful role models
00:52when it comes to sex ed, consent, empowerment, and wellness.
00:59By asking the right questions, our community can really help people better understand themselves.
01:08So, that's the mission of this podcast.
01:10Let's get up close.
01:19Well, hi, Octavia.
01:20Hello.
01:21Welcome to the Get Up Close podcast. Thank you so much for being here.
01:24Thank you for having me.
01:25Thank you so much for being part of this project.
01:27Absolutely.
01:28The whole goal is to get to know the women of our industry in a new light, in an authentic
01:33light,
01:33in a way that sort of strips away all the performance and allows people to be themselves
01:38and to let us get to know them.
01:40So, I'm really excited.
01:41This is the first time we actually are sitting down face-to-face and talking.
01:44This is super cool.
01:45Yeah.
01:46I'm going to do an icebreaker that's going to put you on the spot.
01:48Tell me one fun fact about yourself.
01:51I feel like no matter how many times somebody asks you that, you never know what to say.
02:01Fuck.
02:02Fuck.
02:03I was a tomboy as a kid.
02:05Did not know how to do makeup until I got in the industry.
02:08That is a subject that we could talk about for the entire conversation.
02:14So, but let's, because tomboy to tomboy, I'd love to hear.
02:18So, kind of, what was your style?
02:20What was your tomboy style growing up?
02:21Oh, God.
02:22You know, it's completely different than what I am now, because I used to wear, like,
02:25well, I mean, besides right now, I used to wear all black.
02:28I never owned a pink thing.
02:30I was always dying my hair red or black.
02:34I had a faux hawk at one point, shaved my head at one point.
02:37I was a very emo punk kid up in Northern California.
02:41So, you know, it's very, like, rock and roll, so.
02:44And so where, what, how did that, why did that appeal to you?
02:49How did you kind of discover that as being the way you wanted to present yourself from
02:54an early age?
02:54I think it's because I'm the youngest of a lot of sisters.
02:58And we're all very feminine, and I didn't really relate to it very much.
03:02So I think I fell into more of that tomboy in between where I wanted to go roll around
03:10in the dirt and sword fight my brother and climb trees and read books.
03:15And I just never, I never wore nail polish.
03:18I had no interest in any of it.
03:20That kind of developed later as I've gotten older, I would say, kind of in my early 20s
03:26and late teens is when I started getting more into the more beautifying matters, I suppose.
03:33So it sounds like your upbringing had, you know, you had, like, a lot of, a big family.
03:38Huge.
03:39And that you were the youngest of, you mentioned a lot of sisters.
03:43Yes.
03:43So tell me about your upbringing.
03:45I have eight sisters and two brothers.
03:47Wow.
03:47And three step-siblings, but I only grew up with four of them.
03:51So three sisters and one brother.
03:54We moved around a lot.
03:56Construction kids.
03:57So we always went where the work was and homeschooled.
04:01So we were always the five kids just creating havoc, obviously.
04:07Yeah.
04:08So, you know, the dynamic that creates.
04:09Yeah.
04:10And did you, do you think that, like, kind of your, how you presented yourself was in
04:14a way to kind of stand out against the competition of all your siblings?
04:19Um, I think it was honestly a shield.
04:24Because, you know, I went through a lot of abuse as a kid.
04:27And I think that was my way to, you know, be like, I'm tough and I'm strong.
04:33You know, like, don't mess with me because I have this hard ulterior.
04:37So I think that's really where it stems from.
04:40Yeah.
04:40Well, and you need to sometimes, especially when you're younger, right?
04:43Like, the only outlet you have is how you present yourself, right?
04:48Absolutely.
04:49Putting on that really tough shell.
04:50Like, that's the only thing you really have control of when you are a kid in that kind
04:56of dynamic anyways.
04:58And you try to use the little things you have control to survive.
05:03I think that creates that shell.
05:05And you mentioned that, you know, as you got older and became, you know, kind of an
05:09independent adult that you started to let that shell down a little bit and explore, you
05:14know, some other ways of expressing yourself.
05:18Tell me a little bit about that shift and, you know, what kind of led you to start to, you
05:26know, paint your nails and express yourself in a bit more of a feminine presenting way.
05:30Oh, I mean, I think we all know that being feminine kind of brings a more soft, sensitive
05:35side.
05:36I think we can all say, you know, say that.
05:39And when you come out of a place of survival and you get to a place where you can start
05:43to
05:44shed that shell and become more sensitive, more receptive and even expressing more.
05:51I think that's when I started to get softer, started painting my nails, started buying pink
05:56things, started actually crying.
06:01I can't watch like super violent movies anymore.
06:05Before I could watch them, didn't care.
06:07But now I'm like, no, I can't see that.
06:09It's going to be in my head all day.
06:11Yeah.
06:11Yeah.
06:11I think it comes from being in a safe place to where you can embrace your femininity and
06:19express that.
06:19And feel confident to do that.
06:22Yeah, absolutely.
06:23Yeah.
06:23Yeah.
06:23Where did your where did where were the origins of your confidence?
06:27When did you start to sort of find that within yourself?
06:30Um, you know, I don't know.
06:33I think it came more with knowing that life is short and if I'm going to enjoy it, that
06:41I need to take these steps.
06:43Otherwise, I'm going to be stuck being this depressed kid living in the past and I'm never
06:49going to move forward.
06:50I think that's really where it came from.
06:52Yeah.
06:53And with within that, you know, kind of journey to to let you let that shell down and discover
06:59yourself and feel that confidence.
07:02How did your own sort of sense of sexuality and sexual identity emerge from that?
07:06Because it's obviously such a huge component of, you know, all of our lives.
07:10It is.
07:10Yeah.
07:11Um, so funny enough, I will not really funny enough, but I grew up in a very Christian
07:16household.
07:17So sexuality was very frowned upon.
07:19It was you're going to go to hell if you're gay.
07:21Uh, I remember my mom reaching over to check my purity ring one time, that kind of stuff.
07:27Um, and it represses like, oh, like I'm just a vessel for a guy to get pleasure.
07:35And that's very much in that culture.
07:38And it takes breaking away from that and being like, oh, okay.
07:41Like, that's not what I want to be a part of.
07:44Um, you know, I'm finding pleasure on my own, you know, masturbating, self-exploration.
07:50And then you start to break those walls down while becoming more receptive to being feminine
07:55or your sensitive sides, as you will.
07:58Um, and then you start to explore what you like and what you're into.
08:02And that's how I started doing like boudoir modeling.
08:04And then I decided to get into porn to help me learn actually about my sexuality.
08:11Yeah.
08:11So this has actually been, this whole process isn't about me being confident in my sexuality
08:17or knowing what I like.
08:18This has been me exploring and discovering what I like.
08:23That's amazing.
08:23So that's what porn has done for me, which is really cool.
08:26Yeah.
08:27Yeah.
08:27Okay.
08:27There's like, there's a lot, there's a lot of, uh, of follow-up questions I have.
08:32This is really fascinating.
08:33I think just to, to go back for a moment, um, obviously there was a lot of, you know, a
08:39lot
08:39of, uh, influence within, within your home and your upbringing, um, that kind of played
08:45a role in, in that needing to harden up and to sort of break free from.
08:49Absolutely.
08:50How did you find also growing up, um, especially in the Christian background that you grew up
08:55in, the influence of outside media or pop culture?
08:58Was that something that was also like kind of completely kept out of your life or?
09:01Yeah.
09:02Yeah.
09:03Which, uh, it's kind of a profound thing.
09:05It's kind of like a backhanded thing.
09:07It was great, but also backhanded.
09:09So I didn't grow up with TV and I didn't grow up with the radio.
09:11I only listened to Christian music, CDs.
09:14The only time we left the house with a grocery store or going to church.
09:18Um, and I was homeschooled till like seventh, sixth grade.
09:21So I was very isolated, very recluse, but I read a lot of books and I watched a lot of
09:27old Western movies and I was always like enthralled by the burlesque girls and the little Western
09:34saloon, you know, uh, girls and I just loved them.
09:39And I knew there's that part of me that was like, I love that look.
09:43I love the sensuality.
09:45I love the burlesque.
09:46And I think that comes out in my fashion and my statements, um, that kind of influenced
09:54me, but I think that was the only thing really coming in other than books.
09:57I read a lot of books and there's a lot of hidden romance and sensuality through books
10:05that you can get.
10:06And I think that adds a depth to it.
10:09Okay.
10:09What's, I'm a huge, uh, huge book nerd.
10:12What's, what's the book you could reread over and over again?
10:17Oh my God.
10:18Okay.
10:18I, um, I love fantasy, like adventure fantasy.
10:25And I could reread the, uh, Ranger Apprentice series, like all of those, like, ah, I love
10:31like Lord of the Rings kind of type books.
10:35I don't know.
10:35They're cool to me.
10:36Yeah.
10:36I mean, I, I have a, I do have a Lord of the Rings tattoo.
10:39Yes.
10:40I will out myself for that.
10:42Yes.
10:42I love Lord of the Rings.
10:43I am no man.
10:44Yeah.
10:45Well, and it's very, like there's a lot, there's a ton of sexuality.
10:47Like you were saying, like hidden sexuality and sexuality within books, right?
10:50And it sparks the imagination.
10:52It does.
10:53Which is, you know, oftentimes far more erotic than anything that you would see, especially
10:57in mainstream media.
10:59Absolutely.
11:00I mean, I read so much literatica.
11:03I do that more than I watch porn.
11:06And then when I watched porn, I can't really find them now, but when I did start watching
11:11porn, it would be sex scenes from movies.
11:14Yeah.
11:14So that was what would do it for me.
11:17But at the same point, if you hadn't watched any of those movies, right?
11:20Yeah.
11:20It's the first time seeing them and there was a sex scene.
11:21It still was probably pretty, pretty risque.
11:24Exactly.
11:24And then you, and then you watch a hardcore porn and you're like, whoa, completely out
11:28of left field.
11:29Wait.
11:29So you mentioned that like the journey into sex work was really part of your personal
11:34sort of sexual, you know, awakening and journey.
11:37And it's one that's very much still ongoing.
11:39Yeah.
11:40How did you make your way into the industry?
11:41Can you tell us a little bit about, you know, kind of how you ended up to the place you
11:45are now?
11:46I feel like I have like the most stereotypical story, to be honest.
11:50You know, I was working minimum wage jobs.
11:53COVID hit.
11:54I lost my job.
11:55So I had all this free time and I'm very, you know, artistic.
11:58I've always been into modeling, lingerie modeling specifically.
12:02So I started hitting up photographers, taking some of my own selfies and doing boudoir modeling.
12:09I actually had never done any like content, hardcore things before I was approached by
12:14an agent.
12:15At the time it was when world modeling was around.
12:20Um, and it piqued my interest.
12:22And so I kind of sat on that for a year.
12:25I was like, do I want to do it?
12:27Do I not want to do it?
12:28Do I want to do it?
12:29You know, because with my family background, porn is such like, yeah, are you sure?
12:36Um, and so I didn't do it for a year.
12:38Then I was like, okay, I'm just going to do it.
12:40I did two scenes and then I left for a year again and I was working on a cannabis farm.
12:47Then I went back to this casino I was working at, just dropped tons of weight.
12:52It was super unhealthy, just very unhappy.
12:54And I was like, I got to go back to the house.
12:57What was making me happy was doing that.
13:00And so I came back.
13:01Yeah.
13:01And then you've been, and we're very, we're very happy that you're back.
13:04So you've been absolutely amazing, you know, in, in the projects that we've done with you
13:07so far.
13:08Um, what was, um, what was that sort of early experience in the industry like for you?
13:15Cause you mentioned, you kind of came in, you shot a little bit, then you took a break
13:18and obviously it was, it was, it was something to get used to and to kind of process for yourself.
13:22What did you learn from that?
13:25Oh, like the first three scenes.
13:27Um, I learned how to douche for the first time.
13:30Yeah.
13:34Um, you know, I learned that it was not as anxiety inducing as I thought it was going
13:41to be for me.
13:42I thought I was going to choke.
13:43I thought I was going to have to walk away and it ended up being one of the most exciting
13:47and fun things that I've been a part of.
13:50And it's not at all how we portray it to be like on media or what everyone tells you about
13:56even, I hate to say this and maybe I'll get in trouble for this, but even the way that
14:00some performers make it out to be in this such a negative light, sometimes it's not like
14:06that at all.
14:07Maybe that's just my personal experience and I know everyone's different, but I have met
14:13so many beautiful people that have made such a great community that I have a hard time
14:18seeing it in that kind of light.
14:20Of course, there's going to be predators around every corner.
14:23You know, every kitchen you work out, there's going to be someone that harasses you.
14:27Yeah.
14:27Um, in every industry and not to diminish that, but I don't want that to take away from the
14:34beauty that is in the industry.
14:37Yeah.
14:38Well, it's, uh, you're very, very right in the sense that some of the most intelligent
14:45and compassionate and interesting people I've ever met have been the people that I've met
14:50within this industry.
14:51Absolutely.
14:51And we are a bit of an island of misfits in a sense, but like in the best way, because
14:55that's, he brings the most interesting people.
14:58Yeah.
14:59Um, and you know, for, for you, you know, the, the sort of fact, uh, I wonder if the,
15:05the idea of going and shooting that scene was also a way to really like continue to kind
15:11of break from those rigid conventions that, that you had been placed upon you growing up.
15:16And so there's probably a thrill in that as well, right?
15:19There definitely was.
15:20It definitely broke kind of like that cage in my head almost.
15:24Yeah, definitely.
15:25And I feel like there's more cages every time I break when there's another one, I got
15:30a break and another one, I got a break and another one, I got a break, but it's been
15:33helping me get through that.
15:35What was your relationship with sex and sexuality like, you know, before you got into sex work?
15:42So you had mentioned a fascination early on with, I love it, the burlesque dancers of
15:46the Westerns, the only films you're allowed to watch.
15:49Amazing.
15:50Um, and you know, I, I totally get it, but what, you know, when we sort of think back
15:55on your, your early sexual expiration, the first time you masturbated, the first time
15:59you had an orgasm, like, especially where you are now, when you look back on that point
16:05in your life, you know, what were some of those early moments like?
16:09Oh, like early moments of orgasming and having that.
16:15Um, you know, I'm going to be honest, I have been masturbating for so long.
16:19I don't really remember the first time.
16:22Yeah.
16:22Uh, I, yeah, I was always, always that kid, you know, um, so I, I don't know if I can
16:32really give you an answer to that.
16:34Well, I mean, it is an answer.
16:35It was always part of you.
16:37Yeah, it was always part of me.
16:38Yeah.
16:38Did you feel, were you aware of, you know, oh, this is wrong.
16:43Like, did you feel that shame because of the upbringing or it was always something that
16:46to you is quite natural and, you know, uh, you, you did despite the pressures that may
16:53have come from, you know, uh, from the surroundings you were in.
16:56You know, that's actually a very interesting that you bring that up because I never thought
16:59about this.
17:00We always devilized sex, but we were so hush, hush, like don't talk about anything sexual.
17:07I don't think we ever really talked about masturbation in particular.
17:10It was more just don't be sexual.
17:13Just don't do anything.
17:14So I don't even know if when I first started, I knew what I was doing until I got older
17:20and started learning like, oh, that's what sex is.
17:24That's what masturbation is.
17:25That's what a penis is.
17:26Oh, that's what a vagina does.
17:28Like I learned what sex was through a movie.
17:30I never had the birds and bees conversation.
17:33What movie?
17:34I have to ask.
17:34Was it a Western?
17:35Oh my God.
17:35It's actually like one of the sweetest, like, no, was it a Western?
17:40I wish.
17:40It was actually like one of the most heartbreaking, sweetest movies about like this kid that has
17:46cancer and like she goes to class and learns what sex is and then she's upset and goes
17:50and talks to her parents.
17:52I can't remember what movie.
17:54It's really sad though.
17:56Yeah.
17:56But it, despite the sadness, it was educational.
17:59It was educational.
18:00And I learned.
18:01And then I was like, what?
18:03And then I got even hornier and masturbated.
18:06Yeah.
18:07There you go.
18:07Well, in a way it would be kind of like, I guess growing up, it was like a free pass
18:11because
18:11you didn't know that it fell into that, you know, the quote unquote sinful category.
18:15Did not know.
18:16Yeah.
18:17There is always that inherent, like I got to hide it though.
18:20For some reason you always know you got to hide it.
18:22Yeah.
18:24So what's, if you could share, and it doesn't have to be embarrassing.
18:28Oh no.
18:29It can also be like very, very impactful, but what was a memorable moment that you can
18:34think of that you've had during sex, either in private or in front of the camera?
18:40Oh, okay.
18:42Like in like most impactful moment or?
18:46Yeah.
18:46You can take it in whatever direction you want.
18:48Oh God.
18:48This can be a really like important, beautiful moment of the interview, or it can be a really
18:53funny moment.
18:57God, it's always, yep.
18:58Another blank.
19:00I will say one of the funnest scenes that I've done, and it was very new for me, was
19:07my biforia scene.
19:10And I do watch a lot of gay porn.
19:13I love seeing man-oh-man action.
19:15So getting to be a part of it and seeing it up close was just like, oh my God.
19:21Fantasy fulfilled.
19:22Fantasy fulfilled.
19:23That was like a huge moment for me being like, love it.
19:27We have to talk about the man-on-man action for a moment, because you're not the first
19:31person that I have heard this from.
19:33What are the origins of your interest in watching men together?
19:37I think that comes with learning what gay sex was for the first time and feeling like
19:45such a masculine tomboy at the time when I learned.
19:49I was just really enthralled by it.
19:52I don't know.
19:53I just love seeing, I think there's something beautiful about masculinity, so seeing two
19:58hot guys going at it.
19:59I love that.
20:02But I just would love to be a fly on the wall for that all the time.
20:07So it's sort of like your greatest sexual influences are two hot guys going at it and
20:11some burlesque dancers in a saloon.
20:13Yeah.
20:14That's Octavia Redd.
20:15That's me in a nutshell.
20:16In a nutshell.
20:17Yeah.
20:17I love it.
20:17I love it.
20:18So how do you prioritize, now that you've been working in sex work for a number of years
20:24and also have had your own development and journey in your adult life, how do you prioritize
20:30sexual health and what have you learned about sexual health and well-being that you would
20:34share with others?
20:37Learning how to balance it is the biggest thing, especially being a sex worker.
20:44I think your sexual health is going to be a little different than everybody, like an
20:49everyday person.
20:51And balancing it as a sex worker, being like, okay, this is how much sex I'm having for work
20:57and then this is what I'm doing in my personal life and what I want to do and what I'm
21:02into.
21:03And it's just about balancing it.
21:05Because when I had months where I was doing too many scenes, I didn't want to have sex at
21:12all with my partner and they suffer from that.
21:16And then it kind of creates this pressure on you being like, oh my God, like I have to
21:20go to work and have sex.
21:21I have to come home and have sex.
21:23Like, can I just like be a turtle and live in my shell for a minute?
21:29I'm still learning how to balance that personally.
21:32It's still very hard for me to want to have sex off of the camera.
21:37Um, and I think maybe my kink is having sex on camera, which makes it even harder to want
21:43to have sex off camera.
21:45Um, so I might not be the best person to ask that question for, but I think balancing it
21:52is really the key foundation and knowing what works for you.
21:56Cause what works for me is not going to necessarily work for you and being receptive of learning
22:01how to balance it, learning to say no to a shoe or, you know, saying no to going out
22:07on that date or whatever.
22:09It's just making that balance for your own mental piece is what's really important.
22:15Well, and the fact that you, you know, I've been so candid in sharing that, you know, sex
22:19work has been like a really instrumental part of like your own sense of discovering yourself,
22:24right in a way too, that creates, um, perception about what sex is, because for you, that, that
22:32journey is living within the work.
22:35It is.
22:35Yeah.
22:36And yeah.
22:36So finding it's a question that I often ask, and I certainly have reflected on it, um, myself,
22:42you know, I'm, I'm not a performer in the industry, but you know, obviously I'm in the
22:46industry.
22:46My, my partner was, was a performer in the industry and is still an active, um, on her own
22:52platform.
22:52So yeah, it's like learning, it's learning about like how, how to have sex on camera and
22:58off camera and that they're not the same thing, but it can really get in your head.
23:03Yeah.
23:04It is really that cross wire.
23:06And I think the hard part for me is like sex has kind of always been a performance.
23:10Um, I tend to find the most enjoyment with masturbating, but when I am with a partner, I find the
23:19most
23:19enjoyment getting them off and performing for them and doing that.
23:24And that can also create that disconnect or it's like, I mean, like, I want to have sex
23:29with you, but this is just a performance for me.
23:31Yeah.
23:32It's not an enjoyment for me unless you're enjoying.
23:36Oh, it's a weird thing.
23:37Yeah.
23:37It's a weird thing.
23:38It's, it's, it's, it's a complicated thing.
23:40Yeah.
23:40And, you know, you think, you think that, you know, oh, well they have sex all the time.
23:46Therefore it must be easy.
23:48Right.
23:48Right.
23:49And then oftentimes it's like, no, it becomes really complicated because sex is all of a
23:53sudden, not just something that's personal.
23:57It's also this thing that's this identity publicly and all that stuff.
24:00Yeah.
24:01And then sometimes I think you create such a disconnect with it that you're like, wait,
24:05sex is supposed to be personal again.
24:07Okay.
24:08Yeah.
24:09It can create that disconnect.
24:11Absolutely.
24:12But I guess sex is really what, you know, what you make it out to be and what you need
24:18it to be for yourself.
24:19Yeah.
24:19And that's the, that's sort of the true sexual expression.
24:22Yeah.
24:23It's such a personal thing.
24:24I mean, we all have different kinks and different wants and needs.
24:27It's so personal.
24:29So personal.
24:30So if you were going to be a sex ed teacher.
24:32Oh God.
24:33Okay.
24:34If you were going to be a sex ed teacher for a day, you had one lesson to give and
24:38your
24:38audience was the world and a big class.
24:41What, what, what would you say?
24:43Like, what would you teach in that lesson?
24:45What do you think people, you know, more than anything else as a baseline for sex education
24:50should be learning these days?
24:51Don't take it so serious.
24:53Like, can yes, be consent, have consent and all of that.
25:00Definitely.
25:00That is a serious matter.
25:01You know, have consent.
25:03I liked your shirt earlier.
25:04So I can send sexy.
25:05I like that.
25:06Um, but also don't take it so serious.
25:09Like, don't be so hard on yourself.
25:11Sex is supposed to be fun.
25:13Um, and I know for me, when I first, you know, was discovering sexuality in my teen years,
25:19I took it so serious that I asked, I have to be good at this.
25:23I have to be this.
25:24I have to perform well, whatever.
25:27It's just have fun.
25:28Just have fun.
25:30Say what you want.
25:31Say what you need.
25:33There's another weirdo out there for you that wants to give it to you or wants it as well.
25:40And just have fun with it.
25:42Just have fun with it.
25:44How do you, uh, how has your relationship with consent evolved over time?
25:48Uh, and what, how do you bring it into you, especially into your own, you know, personal life these days?
25:54Um, I think consent is just so straightforward.
25:57I don't really see there being an evolution to it other than yes is yes and no is no.
26:03Uh, maybe he's like, I'll try it, but I might say no at the end, you know?
26:07Um, I just think consent is straightforward as much as that.
26:13Um, but I think as a woman, sometimes we give confusing signals because we are shy or we don't want
26:24to disappoint or we're scared and we don't want to say no when something happens.
26:28And that for me, because I'm a very anxious people pleaser, has been a process of me to learn to
26:34say no instead of saying like,
26:37um, maybe, maybe another time or I guess or whatever.
26:42Uh, because men don't have the same experience as us.
26:48They don't necessarily, not every guy, but don't necessarily know what it's like to be on the spot like that
26:54to feel like that.
26:57So they're not necessarily going to know that you're trying to say no.
26:59It's not, they might not all be trying to be an asshole or taking advantage of you.
27:03Yes, yes, they will.
27:05Some will, but not all of them will.
27:07They just don't understand that you're trying to say no.
27:11Yeah.
27:12There's like the sort of two sides of, of, of it, right?
27:14Of a coin.
27:15Yeah.
27:16Yeah.
27:16And I try to get in the head of everyone to understand because understanding for me is like how I
27:21accept things.
27:22So if I can be like, okay, I'm in his shoes.
27:25Would I be confused if I heard that?
27:29No, I wouldn't.
27:30Because as a girl, I know that.
27:32But that is my experience as a female.
27:36I don't know.
27:36I think it's very complicated.
27:38Oh, it's so complicated.
27:39It's, it's huge.
27:40You know, it's something that it takes, it really does take both sides to get out of the rut of
27:47that culture of silence.
27:48It is.
27:49Yeah.
27:49And everyone's such an individual, you know, like everyone takes things differently and every, you know, it's a hard conversation
27:57to have.
27:57Yeah, yeah.
27:58But the fact that, you know, like, like you mentioned, you know, being, being firm about and at least being
28:07able to vocalize.
28:09This is how I feel right now.
28:10It's like that first step towards encouraging the other side of the coin to like, oh, I didn't even think
28:17about it.
28:17Even if you had the best intentions, you know, I didn't, I didn't realize that this, you know, that wasn't
28:22okay.
28:22So it sort of starts the cycle of conversation, which is the most important thing.
28:25Which is the important thing.
28:26Yeah.
28:26Because I think definitely people want it.
28:29There are going to be guys that want to take advantage or women, whoever that want to take advantage.
28:33And then there's people who just did not, they don't have the social cue.
28:37And I can understand that because I don't always pick up social cues myself.
28:42But it is a balance.
28:44Yeah.
28:44And it's knowing who you're around and who you're with.
28:46Yeah.
28:47And we're all learning, quite frankly, to talk for almost the first time, like to actually talk about these things.
28:53Because it just didn't happen unless you happen to be proactive.
28:57I agree.
28:58And I think it's also something that we are learning and bringing into education because, you know, it does start
29:03with women's rights.
29:04And we did not have rights that long.
29:06Like we got our rights not that long ago.
29:09So this is something that we're bringing into education and we're learning and we're fine tuning and trying to figure
29:14out, you know, that gray area that we tend to all swim in.
29:20Yeah.
29:20Because it's not all black and white.
29:22Yeah.
29:22But we have progressed a lot.
29:24We still have a lot more progression to make.
29:27But I am, it is pretty cool to see that.
29:30I think maybe it's been, correct me because I'm not a history buff, but like 80 years?
29:35I don't even think it's been 100 years.
29:38Maybe 100, I don't know.
29:39I don't know.
29:40I'm not a history buff, but I know it just hasn't been that long since I've had rights.
29:44Yes.
29:44Well, and rights are being taken away on a regular basis as well.
29:50But you mentioned something earlier that I thought was interesting when you were talking about sort of the what gives
29:55you pleasure versus giving pleasure to others and that like when you're when you are masturbating or you are by
30:01yourself, that's sort of where you feel the most comfortable to like give yourself pleasure.
30:06Whereas when you're with a partner, it's sort of the instincts are to please that partner.
30:11So when you are kind of with yourself and feeling that kind of confidence within your own, like, say, self
30:19-care and self-pleasure, what do you think about what goes through your mind?
30:24Because that's just a really fascinating question.
30:26Oh, God, I read a lot of literatica when I'm by myself, when I'm masturbating.
30:37I think just, you know, you're horny, you know, you're just touching yourself, having a sensual moment, trying to feel
30:43sexy.
30:43And I try to focus.
30:45It's very hard for me to orgasm personally.
30:47So I try to just focus on that sensation and that feeling where I watch gay porn.
30:55Yeah, that's right.
30:56That's gay porn.
30:59So is there a fantasy that you have that you haven't fulfilled yet?
31:05I mean, because I know the Biforia scene would have definitely been one.
31:10But that, you know, you would love to explore that you would be willing to share with us.
31:15Oh, I have been so blessed this year to explore so many of the things I've been interested in.
31:21But I would love to perform with trans performers because that's actually who I'm the most attracted to.
31:30And I have never been with a trans woman.
31:33And that is who I am the most attracted to, actually.
31:38So good to know.
31:40Yeah.
31:41We can chat afterwards.
31:44We have got a great series for just that.
31:47What qualities do you find the most attractive?
31:52Uh, I'm more of the head person, you know, like, uh, just being a genuine person, whether you're funny or
32:02serious or stupid, if you're genuine, like, to me, that's what really attracts me to you.
32:07You could be a six or a seven.
32:10I don't really care.
32:10But you have a genuine heart and you have a softness to you.
32:17And also integrity that you want to keep doing well for yourself and moving forward.
32:22That is what I'm mostly attracted to.
32:25What are the biggest red flags?
32:28Oh, um, if I have to clean your house.
32:31Well said.
32:34I learned that lesson.
32:36Yeah.
32:36I learned that lesson.
32:40So nobody who's messy.
32:42But if you have, if you're a good, genuine soul with integrity and a clean house.
32:46Yes.
32:47I'm no housewife.
32:48I will tell you that.
32:49You know how to cook, know how to do your laundry and have a good clean house.
32:53But, I mean, in a way, in a way, not to, not to completely psychoanalyze, but, you know, that sort
32:59of sense of structure and discipline and confidence, I would imagine would be something very appealing to you.
33:05Yes.
33:05It says so much, especially because I used to be a horrible hoarder and I used to be the messy
33:11one.
33:12Like, I, like my room was horrible.
33:14I have had a rotten apple on my floor before.
33:16It was horrible.
33:17It's a reflection of my mind.
33:19And so I see it that way.
33:22And I understand depression.
33:24I understand getting to that point.
33:26But being with someone who wants to work on that and keep their house clean, go to work, have these
33:33ambitions, that says so much to me.
33:35So you hit it on the nail.
33:36It really is that mental.
33:37It is.
33:39What, for my last question, probably the most important and also the most unique to everyone that sits down.
33:48For people who are watching this, right, we talked to, we talked on our break about how there's just such
33:53a lack of conversation around sex and sexuality.
33:56And that oftentimes that's probably the root cause of so many challenges.
34:00For anyone who's watching who may be feeling very insecure or early on in their own journeys, what advice would,
34:08would you give them in terms of, you know, helping give them that structure and confidence to move forward?
34:16I think knowing you're not alone in it, that it's a journey and it's going to progress and change as
34:25you get older, as you learn new things, as you meet new people who might have other interests you never
34:31thought of before.
34:32And instead of trying to find a label for yourself, instead of trying to put a tag on it, understand
34:44you're a person with fluidity and to enjoy discovering yourself and to give yourself the space to explore and to
34:56expand and understand it's going to change and to be okay with that.
35:01Well, in the spirit of exploring and discovering oneself, I've really appreciated this conversation and getting a chance to get
35:08to know you, Octavia, not just on the screen and your incredible performances, but most importantly, as an incredible human
35:13being.
35:14Thank you so much for being part of this. I really appreciate it.
35:16Thank you. Thank you for having me. It's been fun.
35:18Thank you again for checking out this conversation that I had with the incredible Octavia Redd, somebody who is both
35:26inspiring and really wants me to go back and look at some old Western movies one more time with a
35:33new lens.
35:33So if you liked what you saw today, please let us know, like, comment, subscribe to our channel.
35:39If you want to support us on any of our other platforms, we have our socials and websites listed in
35:45the episode description below.
35:46Thank you again from everyone here at Adult Time and I'll see you next week. Let's keep it real.
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