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00:00What have we got behind us here, Luke?
00:01What have we got?
00:02What haven't we got, probably?
00:04So, what are these for...?
00:06Premier League nightly wins.
00:08Is that from this year?
00:09Probably this year or last year.
00:11Yeah. How many did you get? Five this year?
00:13Four, yeah. Five.
00:14And you get a nice bonus as well, don't you, for winning the night?
00:16We can all do the maths, Luke. What's that?
00:18Five times. You're doing all right.
00:21Nice, some nice family photos.
00:24But you can do all this.
00:25You can't pass your driving theory.
00:30Oh!
00:32This is what we've tuned in for.
00:34Milya, look at this.
00:34Oh!
00:36Oh!
00:37Wow!
00:37It's pretty racy telly, isn't it?
00:39Oh!
00:40Oh!
00:41What?!
00:41Oh, no!
00:42Oh, this is awful.
00:44You're crying.
00:45Oh!
00:47Oh, I'm happy.
00:48Yeah. That makes me happy.
00:50This is a bit of you.
00:51My people.
00:52Fist bump me!
00:53Wee-hee!
00:54We've all got an undercarriage.
00:55No, it's a grow up.
00:58In the summer of 2025, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:05Singletons were full of hope as they looked for love abroad on Discovery+.
01:09People probably say, I'm a people pleaser.
01:11I like to say yes, not no.
01:13And I have, like, a resting happy face.
01:16A resting happy face.
01:17I think that would annoy me quite quick.
01:19Someone's just almost like this.
01:21Yeah, you're one of those people that frown upon people's happiness.
01:25No, I don't!
01:27You are.
01:27Like, that's such an amazing trait to have.
01:30And you're like, oh, you'd dump someone because they're too happy.
01:36The hardest working man in pop was on his travels on ITV.
01:40I'm Gary Barlow from Take That.
01:43There's a big audience out there, and we're ready.
01:46And we're on a huge world tour.
01:48I saw Jason Orange every day, and I've got to tell you this, the truth, no-one sees
01:52him.
01:52Everyone's looking for him on Reddit.
01:53It's his truth.
01:54And he did, like, a traitor.
01:55When he recognised...
01:56When he realised I'd recognised him, I was saying, I might as well heal.
01:59This is God's honest truth.
02:00I was like, that's Jason Orange.
02:01And he went like this.
02:02What, he hid?
02:03He hid and sort of smiled and scurried off.
02:05I love that, that orange.
02:06And then I Googled it, and no-one knows where he is.
02:09What did you Google?
02:11Where's Jason Orange?
02:12What's Jason Orange?
02:13What's he been up to?
02:14Does he live in Muswell Hill?
02:16And the bed-hopping began on ITV2.
02:20Is everyone happy now in their new couples?
02:22I don't even feel like I need to say it to you much, lad.
02:26I am glad, though, that I'm not in the dating game anymore.
02:30And to be clear, I never was.
02:32How did you meet your missus?
02:34Well, I did the classic move of working with her for a year.
02:37Oh, OK.
02:38Player!
02:40He got game!
02:49In Essex.
02:50They're lovely crisps, then.
02:51Mmm, I like them.
02:52Kettle chips.
02:54Oh, they were the kettle ones.
02:55They're nice.
02:56They cook them in a kettle.
02:58Rylan and his mum, Linda.
03:00So, you know, like, your kettle?
03:01Yeah.
03:01For example, you could slice up potato.
03:03Right, they're saying the wind up.
03:04I'm telling you now, Mum.
03:05You slice up potato.
03:06That's why they're called kettle chips.
03:07Oh, I'm going to try, then.
03:08You slice up potato, put it in.
03:10Yeah.
03:11And...
03:11And the salt got...
03:12You're winding me up, aren't you?
03:15Oh, is that your bare arms?
03:16Sorry.
03:18Look.
03:18Do you know what?
03:19No, it was only when you said,
03:20I'm going to try it, I thought you'd better not.
03:23You'd burn the ass down.
03:24In June, it was time to find out
03:26how clever some famous faces were on ITV.
03:31I'm actually getting a little bit hot now,
03:33thinking about the fact
03:33we're going to have to try and answer this question,
03:35and I think you're going to get it,
03:36and I'm not,
03:37because the 1% Club is not my comfort zone.
03:40How would you say your general knowledge is?
03:42Ooh, not good.
03:43No.
03:43I'll be honest, that was the answer as I expected.
03:45And you got the right answer.
03:47You just have no general knowledge,
03:49because you don't watch the news.
03:51I do watch the news.
03:52Do you?
03:52Yeah.
03:53I always swipe to the little side light thing on my phone.
03:57I don't mean the news on your phone,
03:58I mean on the TV.
03:58Yeah, I watch you.
03:59Do you?
04:00When Mum puts it on.
04:02Tonight, our contestants are all professional footballers
04:05and celebrities who support Soccer Aid.
04:07Why haven't they asked me to play in Soccer Aid?
04:10Oh, I hate it when they do celebrity versions of stuff.
04:14It's never as good as just the normal ones.
04:16The 1% Club Soccer Aid Special!
04:22I normally do quite alright on this.
04:24You're good at any quiz, you are.
04:25It's time for our first question.
04:29Right, get ready.
04:30Lock in.
04:30Lock in.
04:3190%, this is always easy.
04:33This is like, what day is it?
04:35Which of the following three pieces doesn't correctly match the image?
04:40Ooh, I like Jill Scott.
04:41I do.
04:45Easily.
04:45The ear.
04:46Hearing B.
04:47Yeah, hearing B.
04:48Wait, the eye?
04:49No, it's not the eye.
04:49No, the earring.
04:50What, doesn't match?
04:52Doesn't match.
04:54No, I think there's an extra wrinkle there and there shouldn't be.
04:57But then it...
04:58No, because of her mouth.
04:59Oh my God.
05:00I think her eye's okay, the mouth isn't.
05:02I think it's the eyebrow.
05:03No, it's B.
05:04It's A.
05:05It's B!
05:08Nobody should get this wrong.
05:09We can't be out for this one.
05:11See, that's the thing as well, they always make it easy for celebrities
05:15because you're all thick.
05:17I've even forgot what we did.
05:19Yeah.
05:19We was naming what we did.
05:21Did we do?
05:21Yeah, yeah.
05:23One out?
05:25Right, we lost one of you.
05:29He's a referee.
05:30Is he?
05:30Yeah.
05:31Do you see what they say about referees, boy?
05:32You don't know what you're doing!
05:36He's the ref that's always on Sky,
05:38stands by the wrong decisions.
05:40So I'm glad he's out.
05:41It's B!
05:42Because the earring is different on Jill's ear.
05:44Woo!
05:45We got it right, B!
05:46Yes, indeed.
05:4790% of the country got that right.
05:49And you and the ref got it wrong.
05:51Let's move on to the 35% question.
05:54Oh, 35, mate.
05:56Get on your game.
05:57This is gonna be hard.
05:58Oh, trickier.
05:59Oh.
05:59Which Premier League football team is this rhyming code for?
06:03Nest Jam.
06:05Nest Jam.
06:06It's not West Ham, is it?
06:08Ah!
06:09He's on it!
06:09He's on it!
06:10It's West Ham!
06:11West Ham.
06:12Why is it West Ham?
06:13Nest Jam.
06:16Bird's Nest Jam Jam.
06:17Yeah?
06:18Bird's Nest Jam Jam.
06:21Come on.
06:22Tottenham.
06:23Nest Pot.
06:23Tottenham.
06:24Tottenham Jam.
06:24It's a rhyming.
06:26Yes, bro.
06:26Tottenham Jam.
06:30Premier League football, West Ham.
06:32Nest.
06:32Nest.
06:32West Ham, Liverpool.
06:34I don't know all the teams.
06:35Nest.
06:36Uh, Brentford.
06:38Nest Jam.
06:38Nest Jam.
06:39No, don't say Nest Jam.
06:40You said Nest Jam 17 times now.
06:41It's not helping.
06:43West Ham!
06:43West Ham!
06:44What?
06:45Nest and Villa.
06:47No idea.
06:49Nest Jam.
06:50Nest Jam.
06:51Nest Jam.
06:51West Ham.
06:52West Ham!
06:54West Ham.
06:55West Ham rhymes with Nest Jam.
06:57I can't believe you actually got that right.
06:59That's fucking unbelievable.
07:01Mmm.
07:02I'm not going to lie.
07:02That was very quick for me.
07:03I'm quite proud of that.
07:04That's it.
07:04Nest Jam!
07:05Yeah, if you say quick and...
07:07Ooh!
07:07Ooh!
07:08Ooh!
07:08Nest Jam!
07:09I don't know their chant.
07:11Also, yeah, you've never been to a football game.
07:14Ooh!
07:14Ooh!
07:15Ooh!
07:15West Ham!
07:16It's time for the 30% question.
07:18Come on, Perry.
07:19Head in the game.
07:2030% question.
07:21What does that even mean?
07:23Which England footballer is spelt out in this code below?
07:27Oh, no.
07:28Eh?
07:28How am I supposed to know hieroglyphics?
07:30I used to know them.
07:31I used to learn them.
07:32I used to have a hieroglyphics bookmark on papyrus.
07:38What?
07:39They've got to be roaming letters this summer.
07:41Snake-eye bird wave.
07:44Whale comb eye foot wings.
07:46What?
07:47Let me concentrate.
07:51Oh, er...
07:51It's got Frank Kirby, I think.
07:53I think one of us has to just gamble.
07:54You have to go somewhere, and I'll go somewhere.
07:56Otherwise, we're both out.
08:00Hey, Mary Earps.
08:01I'm going to go Fran Kirby.
08:03It's Fran Kirby.
08:04Because the second letter of the first name
08:06and the third letter of the last name
08:08are the same in Fran and Kirby.
08:11Makes no sense at all.
08:12Absolutely not.
08:13I think I'm using a pass.
08:14Definitely use my pass.
08:16Let's see who got it right.
08:17Everyone's going to be out.
08:18This is going to separate the wheat from the chaff.
08:20I'll tell you that for now.
08:22Oh, they're just ticking them off.
08:26Well, and me.
08:27No, because we used to pass.
08:28It's Fran Kirby.
08:29The only symbol that is repeated
08:31represents the second letter of the first name
08:33and the third letter of the second name.
08:35Mmm!
08:37Mmm!
08:38Mmm!
08:38You need to go on there.
08:40Is that your most clever now?
08:42Oh, no.
08:42Absolutely not.
08:43You took a guess and I took a guess.
08:45Strategically, we've played for each other there
08:46because we took a punt each.
08:48After whittling down the sports stars and celebrities
08:50here in the studio,
08:50we are left with the 1% question.
08:53This is it.
08:54Right.
08:54Deals.
08:54Come on.
08:56In the opening verse to the original version of Three Lions,
08:59what two words feature exactly three times in the lyrics?
09:04Three lions.
09:05Mum, please don't.
09:06They've seen it all before.
09:09They just know they're so sure.
09:14Is it it?
09:15It.
09:16It.
09:17It.
09:17It.
09:18It.
09:23It.
09:24It.
09:25It.
09:25So it, it and no?
09:26No.
09:26Ah!
09:27It and no.
09:28England's gonna throw, blow it away, but no.
09:30So no.
09:31Is it no?
09:32I don't know.
09:35Oh, this game's stressing me out.
09:37Three no's.
09:38It's no and it!
09:39No and it!
09:39No and it!
09:40Yeah, there's three no's.
09:41No and it.
09:42No and it.
09:44No and it.
09:44It and no.
09:46That's what I said.
09:47I said no, did I?
09:49I said no, did I?
09:49Yeah, you said no.
09:51No and it!
09:52Yeah!
09:54Yeah!
09:54Ha ha!
09:55It's literally the greatest moment of my life!
09:59I can't believe it.
10:02They all thought I was dopey.
10:04Yeah.
10:04Yeah.
10:04But why did we get it right?
10:06Because you're fucking intelligent.
10:08You're answering things right and you just do it automatically.
10:11Yeah.
10:12Yeah.
10:12Without thought.
10:13Since you start thinking.
10:14I do everything without thought.
10:16I mean, there's nothing worse than fucking thinking, is there?
10:19Yeah, yeah.
10:27I like your socks, Joe.
10:29They're, erm, they're tartan.
10:31Where are they from?
10:32Scotland.
10:32Friends Roisin and Joe.
10:35You're not from Scotland.
10:37I get all my socks in Scotland.
10:38You don't get all your socks in Scotland?
10:40I do.
10:40Where is your socks in Scotland?
10:41I get my socks in Scotland, my trousers from Wales, and my top and my underwear from England.
10:47And Ireland, I accessorise.
10:50I accessorise from Ireland.
10:53Okay.
10:54Socks from Scotland, trousers from Wales, tops and underwear from England.
10:59I don't care about the rest of your clothes.
11:01Okay.
11:01I only cared about the socks.
11:03The rest of your clothes are boring.
11:04The socks are out of pizzazz.
11:05Do you want to work up my luggage?
11:06No.
11:08Mainland Europe.
11:08In July, there was some transatlantic dating on Discovery Plus.
11:13Hey, Clay, you're single.
11:15Would you let me matchmake you?
11:16No.
11:17What do you mean, no?
11:18Right away.
11:18Who would you put me with?
11:19Would you not trust me?
11:21I don't know.
11:24I once went on a date where I lived in Paris with a French girl.
11:29Woo-hoo, la-la.
11:31So I might be able to bring some expertise to this.
11:34I've got a friend who's married to someone who lives abroad and he quite likes it because
11:36he's got to come back here for work so he gets to be away from her quite a lot.
11:40That sounds like a good relationship.
11:41Oh, yeah, rock solid.
11:43I'm Victoria.
11:45Hi, Victoria.
11:45I like her already.
11:46I love her.
11:47In a few hours, I'm headed to the airport going to Ireland.
11:51Ireland.
11:51You do love Irish accent.
11:52I love an Irish accent.
11:53I mean, I do love a ginger.
11:55I love a ginger.
11:56I love a ginger.
11:57That's why I'm going to Ireland.
11:58Love some freckles.
11:59They drink a lot.
12:01I mean, she has to stereotype the whole notion there.
12:03She's going to Ireland because she thinks they drink a lot, they're ginger and they have freckles.
12:08Sorry.
12:09She calls herself an equal opportunity dater.
12:13This is a matchmaker.
12:14But what it actually means is that she's desperate to date anyone.
12:18All right, Trina.
12:20She's desperate to date anyone.
12:22I want to see your wish list.
12:24Oh, a wish list.
12:25Here we go.
12:26Right, let's find out what she wants.
12:27So what have we got here?
12:29Okay, full head of hair.
12:32Full head of hair.
12:33Good.
12:34No bull people.
12:35Right.
12:35Because I feel like I'm like spontaneous and I want someone with like a dark side.
12:40A dark side?
12:41Yeah, I'm really into goths.
12:42Yeah, or evil villains.
12:45Yeah, preferably stroking a cat on a spinning chair.
12:49Yeah.
12:49What, tattoos?
12:50Do like drugs on the spur of the moment.
12:52Did she say drugs?
12:54Did she say drugs?
12:56You know, someone who could do drugs on the spur of the moment.
12:58I thought she said that.
12:59What the fuck?
13:00Someone like wild, like maybe they've been arrested.
13:04I've been in prison.
13:06She wants an absolute rogue.
13:07You know what you say?
13:08I quite like bad boys, but I shouldn't.
13:10She got really excited.
13:11I need him to have been arrested.
13:13A few tattoos, preferably on the neck.
13:16I really love a mugshot.
13:18Whoa!
13:20Today is my first official date.
13:22Katarina has picked an oyster farm for our date spot.
13:25An oyster farm?
13:26Bit obvious.
13:26An oyster farm with a bad boy.
13:28So, the match I have for Victoria is Dave.
13:31Dave.
13:32Dave.
13:33Dave.
13:34Dave, the dangerous Dave.
13:36Dangerous Dave.
13:37Oh, watch out.
13:38Let's see if an Irish bad boy is the kind of guy Victoria needs.
13:43Irish bad boy.
13:44Come on.
13:45Where's Dave at?
13:49Frickin' hell.
13:54Why does he sound like the cross-channel fairy?
13:59How are you?
13:59Good, how are you?
14:00Very good.
14:01Nice to meet you.
14:01He looks like a nice boy.
14:03No, he looks quite nice, doesn't he?
14:06Oh, just there.
14:08Ah!
14:09There you go.
14:10Oh, God.
14:11Don't give dangerous Dave a hose.
14:13Can I blast myself with it?
14:14Can I blast myself with it?
14:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:18Whoa!
14:21He's mad!
14:22He's mad!
14:23He's mad!
14:24He's fucking mad!
14:25That was kind of sore, actually.
14:27Of course it was.
14:28You just jet washed your face, Dave.
14:31Probably got a black eye.
14:33Yeah, quite sore, actually.
14:35Victoria seems like she's up for good fun, and I really like that about her.
14:39I appreciated that.
14:40So, like, I wouldn't mind, like, sleeping with her.
14:42HE LAUGHS
14:46Dave is unbelievable.
14:49That is definitely an aprodisiac.
14:51I am getting so excited.
14:52I'm feeling roundy now.
14:53What about you?
14:54You sweet-talking bastard.
14:56Imagine in broad daylight, without a drink, without even a bit of flirting,
15:01someone just goes, I've got the horn for you.
15:04Just to let you know, I have an erection.
15:07I've had four oysters, and I'm as hard as a tank.
15:11Let me try some, like, the grain sauce.
15:15Do you...
15:15How's that?
15:15Oh, that's a goop.
15:16Is that enough?
15:17He's put too much on there.
15:18This is going to be another Dave Wilde moment, isn't it?
15:21Mmm.
15:22Not wild.
15:22Yeah.
15:25HE CHUCKLES
15:28He's taken the horn out of him.
15:31Speaking of spice, let's put some in my eye.
15:34Please do it.
15:35Please do it.
15:35Please do it.
15:39What are you doing?
15:40No.
15:41No!
15:41The fuck?
15:42No, no.
15:43ARGH!
15:44ARGH!
15:45ARGH!
15:46ARGH!
15:48ARGH!
15:50Imagine being on a date.
15:52It's so hard.
15:54Oh, my eye.
15:59He's an absolute fucking lunatic.
16:01lunatic for her next date great icebreaker but to be able to go what's your worst first date
16:08no one would believe her yeah that's true a guy turned up with a train horn that told me he
16:13was
16:13horny and then poured tabasco in his eyes yeah and sprayed himself in the face with a high
16:18pressured hose in manchester do you know what in all my time i've never been on a parent's
16:27whatsapp group how good is that at school that's terrible friends mark and kelly oh they're funny
16:33though they're not they are i was clap rep when you class rep when you class rep yeah what did
16:43you have
16:43to do to be class rep i don't know but i put a lot of gifts on my uh on
16:47my whatsapps you'd have hated
16:48me just put gifts on your whatsapps all the time you'd have hated me i would put little things out
16:54go morning everyone leave leave mark chapman has left the group
17:02in the summer we were taken on another big boating adventure with this
17:08quick hurry up because we're going to miss canal boat diaries so you don't change the channel have
17:14you been on a canal boat yeah bro slept on one really horrible experience i'm robbie coming
17:23that's me hello that's him i've watched this before i love him you know what i think robbie's now
17:29become one of me heroes and this is my narrowboat home the naughty lass the naughty lass hello i like
17:36that i like that naughty lass double entendre come on come on i learned that word recently you know
17:44really i've been waiting to use it where lovely start to the morning he just had his hands in the
17:49naughty lass's gearbox then and can you show that on the telly this time i'm tackling the bazing stoke
17:57canal the bazing stoke canal don't want to throw shade at anyone here doesn't sound amazing
18:09do you reckon by lock three it's a bit boring i think the first one's quite fun yeah second one
18:15you get the end of it and then you're like this novelty's worn off yeah this trip is likely to
18:19be a
18:20bit of a challenge for me go on the bazing stoke canal is notorious for weed bazing stoke canal's
18:28notorious for weed it is always always was always was yeah always was mate weed weed what weed weed oh
18:36getting caught on the propeller oh no weeds oh weeds i thought you meant weed no although it's
18:42somewhere i'm really looking forward to exploring there is a side of me that's thinking can i actually
18:47make it to the end i don't know oh shit there's the jeopardy robbie don't be mad get turned back
18:52it's the bazing stoke canal as soon as i enter it there's a massive raft of weeds oh he's got
19:00to
19:00get through those weeds yeah and what we know the bazing stoke canal is notorious for them denise
19:06here we go i love you go on thankfully that weed wasn't a worry oh thank god for that
19:15i'm so happy for you right another early morning and i just need to make myself some breakfast
19:22before i set off oh what's he gonna have this is gonna be interesting what's he got looking at my
19:29supplies here of my homemade muesli that needs to be topped up oh there's tea there's nothing like
19:37watching someone make their own muesli i'll tell you what mate that's it life in the fast lane add some
19:43more oats some seeds dried fruit that's not breakfast no and i usually put in some kind of
19:52naughty sugary cereal so i've got some hoops hang on he's chucked some cheerios in there yeah that's
19:59not healthy oh it's just the most wholesome but boring man i've ever and guys no one said anything
20:06but uh frosty trillies oh i feel sorry for him now why i don't know look at him look at
20:18his little
20:19hat so patronizing look at his little hat he's coming into fleet oh he's coming into fleet now
20:27oh i've just seen possibly the lowest bridge that i've ever come across oh oh no
20:37this is the highlight of his day this is hilarious
20:44that's gonna be tricky if it gets that bit the boat gets down well if it does it will liven
20:50it the
20:50fuck up yeah oh no robbie i think there might have been some breakage oh he's gonna be stuck this
21:02is
21:02what we've tuned in for the boat is basically wedged underneath this bridge why did he go that
21:08far end i don't know what i'm gonna do and they thought the weed was gonna be the problem common
21:14sense like why did he not just think oh i'm not getting under there take all the stuff off all
21:21his
21:21energies on knocking up his own muesli yeah you have to call my friend jamie he lives locally with his
21:26family and he helped me the other day so i'm hoping he can help me again unless he's fucking
21:32superman or something what do you want i imagine turning up to that going what the
21:37fuck do you what would you want me to do you know why have you called me well because you're
21:40a mate and
21:41i know you live local you know i work in an office he came down jumped on the front of
21:49the boat adding
21:49a bit more weight agent way out does he that gave us just enough room with jamie on the
21:55front to get the boat underneath the bridge wow and he's through oh thank god that was real that
22:02was touch and go then thanks for rescuing me thanks jamie see ya is this actually a show yeah
22:10yeah i'll be honest with you he's not done a good job of showing you how good a life could
22:14be on a
22:14little narrow boat no what he has done is show you what it's really like no he has you need
22:19to eat
22:20food out of boxes you get stuck under the way television works it was all x-factored and made
22:26to look more interesting than what it was that was more interesting yes
22:39in essex so tell you what shocks me to this day i can't get over it do you want your
22:44pack of
22:44dishwasher tablets at all i don't know why they're pricing them there it's you need a small mortgage
22:51for dishwasher tablets best mates jordan and perry oh if sorry if i take them home and i've got to
22:56rip
22:56the packet open yeah fuming fuming like it's not like a little pot that pops yeah but even when you
23:01rip the packet open i find it all the time it's like putting my hand and you put your hand
23:05in it a
23:05lot of them are burst like that all the time maybe i'm just too rough on my shopping no you're
23:09heavy
23:09handed i'm quite heavy-handed i love i'm nine and ever burst i like doing that and then go okay
23:15i
23:15think you need to you need to grow up a bit though really yeah that's how you that's how you
23:19turn the
23:20dishwasher i think you need to live a little next time next time you put your hand in that packet
23:25i'm
23:25telling you do that is that it yeah but it's it's better without the eye contact
23:35back in june weatherfield's finest were on the warpath again on itv i don't submit in coronation
23:42sheet i could never tell anyone i went to a party there once i won't let you know what happened
23:48but
23:48what you mean on set on the set there's the back of the rovers coronation street all right
23:53the funniest of the soaps am i wrong what's the concept
24:02is it one street is it like sesame street
24:07it's just the area isn't it it's not
24:11big bird's gonna make it a bit of my favorite mrs snuffleupagus snuffleupagus like oscar
24:16in the episode we dropped into rise roles and a tense standoff between lou and maria
24:23do you want something more me and my family are decent people i prefer if you kept your distance
24:28wow no hold on hold on hold on hold on that's a bold opener yes i mean you scumbag yeah
24:35just stay
24:36out of my business and i'll stay out of yours georgie georgie georgie georgie that's what you're like
24:42bitchy georgie georgie oh dear something wrong yeah oh i don't know i just i guess i just feel like
24:50i'm
24:50trying so hard to fit in round here and no one wants to know me well no one wants to
24:54know lead
24:56because if the old fella killed the cop killed craigie did i yeah so her husband's been done for
25:02murder and she's just trying to fit in now well i think everybody's still very angry with that
25:07husband of yours so who's i just think everybody's a bit miffed with your husband for killing that
25:16police officer he's a cheeky bugger isn't he david was supposed to take this to the bank but i haven't
25:23seen hide no hair of him she's not daft did you see her eyes like open audrey was doing the
25:27tilt
25:28yeah i can take it if you like no no it's all right thank you uh shauna can give it
25:34to him and give
25:34him a kick up the backside she's been in a lot of plates here audrey isn't she yeah she's this
25:39is
25:39her in the scene hold on hold on what do you want no you take it no no you take
25:47it no you no
25:49which one of you will take it a bit later and everyone had popped round to david platts for
25:56a barbecue said it was a deal breaker why is david so iconic this is the fella that's just one
26:01big
26:01brother and a copper load of that i saw that last time i came huh what is it oh david
26:09loves his new
26:10table today right everyone nibbles no not on there seriously don't don't put them on there
26:17come on so it's four massive chat about a table i was gonna say what they were just talking about
26:22the one piece table yeah it's a big topic in the hours that must have been a local tree all
26:26right
26:26barry keoghan's got same one parent no he has who's barry keoghan barry keoghan the actor barry
26:32keoghan has it got keoghan from salt burn david what do you want me to do with this what is
26:42it
26:42it's cash from the salon oh she's got an eye on that cash from the salon again lou blotting and
26:48scheming it's like a front for a heroin business or something i would really be right on it wouldn't
26:52she oh she iron up the coffee table she is as well she's seen that coffee table she's going is
27:03that
27:03barry keoghan's one i was sneaking the cat don't do it don't do it lou she's put it back good
27:18choice
27:21i knew it oh oh how dare you oh i was just looking yeah i know exactly what you were
27:27doing
27:28you're thieving cow oh thieving cow see that's what i would have called the two i was looking for a
27:32brown envelope i brought my own brown envelope with me saw a brown envelope there i thought oh is that
27:37my
27:37brown envelope no that's the one with all the money yeah that's got the money i don't want that one
27:41my one's the one without the money in it yeah which is um so if you do see that let
27:45me know anyway
27:46i love this coffee table i know you're up to summit you're going nowhere do it get off of it
27:54maria
27:55you're going nowhere you're gonna sit on that coffee table love they're gonna smash the table
28:00david's gonna be livid don't fight near the table shut up captain know it all right i think we're gonna
28:05have to send out for pizza i wouldn't even give that to david the duck
28:10what was that smash you know what it was david it's your coffee table mate oh my arm is killing
28:26me
28:27are you joking are you okay you're joking you're joking are you that was barry gergen's one
28:36i didn't fall i'm not drunk she pushed me oh come on who's standing on what side she was rummaging
28:46through that bag yeah and i said to her what are you playing at she said nothing so i said
28:50right okay
28:51you showed me your pockets then she did look at them all standing around there like it's
28:56fucking cluedo i like how she's explaining everything and um poor old david's there just
29:02looking at his table just looking through just picking up the bits you know if you don't believe
29:09me just look and she's on his bag oh one is still here still she's guilty it's not all arrow
29:17is it
29:18is it not why is the painting of jim broadbent behind her oh yeah do you reckon that was a
29:25real
29:25table they used or was it a stunt i hope not it's gonna keep me up tonight i'm not gonna
29:32stop thinking
29:32about that coffee table claire sorry man in london shall we compare helmets because you got a vespa here
29:40i got a bike well yours is very pink and shiny mates monja and jamie i'm aerodynamic yeah look at
29:47the
29:48look at you look like a professional look at the point on that yeah i'm a professional cyclist
29:53when i do this it's unbelievable stay like that stay like do you know how you can tell if it's
29:57going to stay like that don't move don't move this is how you can tell ready let's just ready
30:01look at the arch the arch is crazy because now i can't move okay yeah yeah but now now do
30:08the legs
30:08do the legs no because it's going to spill on me it's not you've just trapped me you've
30:12captured in some sort of weird twisted sword challenge right if i cycle real slowly okay go
30:18and pedal look at that i'm pedaling i'm just going up a hill i am pedaling bro pedal
30:26in the summer gary barlow was enjoying some culinary delights down under on itv
30:34i'm into my wine at the minute aren't i yeah you have really got into wine oh i love it
30:39every
30:39time i ring you it's like yeah i've just enjoyed a bottle of red and i'm like he's aged better
30:44actually he looks much better now than when he was first and take that yeah really yeah men do seem
30:50to age well don't we generally most men no he had a good lockdown didn't he farlo what do you
30:57mean
31:00what did he do in lockdown he played his piano a lot online did he yeah so that someone was
31:06watching
31:07him a lot on lockdown he couldn't stop him couldn't not watch him i'm hundreds of miles from the nearest
31:16city alice springs we've been there yeah but i'm not quite as alone as i look oh he's got company
31:23who is it because unless i'm hallucinating it's ronan i'd swear that was ronan keaton coming towards
31:31me what's he doing oh it's boy band heaven yes yes what are the chances
31:39i hate things like this on programs like this because it's not a surprise gary it's not a
31:44coming production i've told you they've told you ronan keaton's not walked there across australia
31:49us don't you bring me to all the nice places look at this sworn enemies up until 10 minutes ago
31:57that's the truth i've got another surprise for ronan he should like this one they're actually very
32:02similar aren't nice yes they are they're slowly turned into the same person aren't they i think
32:06that's what gary barlow shows about he just slowly turns everyone into gary barlow yeah we try our hands
32:11at creating a sound that's become synonymous with australia's indigenous culture beating
32:18i sense the didgeridoo will be upon oh the didgeridoo it's going to be the didgeridoo
32:23so we've come to a sand dune for a didgeridoo master class i'd love to have a go on one
32:28of them
32:29i think quite hard i don't know there's no buttons is there to learn all about the rhythms of this
32:35ancient
32:35mystical instrument are they not allowed one they've got to play this is anyone they can only afford
32:40one um you know what i really really wanted to see today yeah is gary barlow and ronan keaton
32:46banging sticks together you said that before we started this yeah love that sound of the didgeridoo
32:53absolutely you can't not look that sound all day with that buzzing around you know hey that'll
33:00twist your melon where you breathe is on the chit and on the do what did he say it's a
33:05spitter so
33:06twaki twaki go on try that twaki twaki so twaki i leap out of the water going twaki twaki then
33:13i'll
33:13come up to the part where i'm going to breathe and go boom he's like the worst teacher in the
33:17whole
33:18world i haven't got a single clue what he's talking about air here air here mouth didge air air two
33:25forces meaning oh shut up can i just say it's a didgeridoo all you've got to do is just blow
33:31yes
33:32hum hum at the back of your throat and just go diggery diggery diggery diggery diggery digger
33:44that's it that's beautiful i love it rona's involved now i think you might be winding them up i
33:51I think it is. I feel like Ant and Decker are going to come out in a second.
33:55I've done an earpiece the whole time.
33:57Listen.
33:58That's the didgerie.
33:59That's the didgerie.
34:00Oh, didgerie.
34:01Yeah, where's the do?
34:02Then the do.
34:04Not massively different.
34:06Put them together.
34:10He literally used to say didgeridoo.
34:12Didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo.
34:20What was the thing I need to do?
34:21Oh, no, he's not going to have a go, is he?
34:23Did you do that?
34:25Except that Sam's muffling it.
34:31Excuse me.
34:32Thanks, mate.
34:33And with that, we're both back where we started.
34:36On the rhythm section.
34:38Gary didn't have a go.
34:39Why isn't Gary going to have a go?
34:41Doesn't want to make an idiot of himself.
34:43Oh, OK.
34:49Is this really?
34:50I feel like I'm hallucinating.
34:52What, would you rather play the maracas I digitally do?
34:55Well, the maracas are easily, but I play both equally as bad.
35:07In North London.
35:09Want a crisp?
35:10No.
35:11Why not to eat crisps?
35:12Why not?
35:12I'm just trying to, you know, keep it real.
35:16Stephen and his sister Anita.
35:18I did the marathon and then what happens is you stop running and you just eat for six months.
35:23So I'm going to try not to do that.
35:24Oh, I see.
35:25So you're trying not to eat or just trying to do crisps?
35:27Well, I'm trying not to eat rubbish.
35:29I see, yeah.
35:29Because you think you can eat anything when you're running that much and then you stop running and then you
35:34carry on eating that much.
35:35I love the way you just got that in there because I've just done the marathon.
35:38I just like to drop that into every occasion.
35:40Excuse me.
35:40Do you know that I just run the marathon a few weeks ago?
35:44Who's that?
35:44Hello?
35:453.56 and 22 seconds.
35:47Oh, my God.
35:49In June, ITV livened up our morning with more of this.
35:54Wakey-wakey, mate.
35:56Fucking this morning's up.
35:58Come in, B.
35:59Let's see how they manage to fill a few hours of television.
36:09Jeez, come on, bro.
36:11This is something called morning TV.
36:13Yeah.
36:14You know, while you're asleep, other people are making television.
36:17Yeah.
36:17You've never watched this, have you?
36:19Because you've literally never been awake.
36:21Yeah.
36:21Not just any old Fish Friday today.
36:23No.
36:24It's officially, officially, get it?
36:27National Fish and Chip Day.
36:28National Fish and Chip Day.
36:30National Fish and Chip Day, okay.
36:31Wow.
36:32Do you like fish and chips?
36:33I do, I love fish and chips.
36:34I like fish, chips, loads of something in curry sauce to dip in.
36:39Oh, you're so northern.
36:41To celebrate, we've got the potato queen herself, Poppy O'Toole.
36:44Oh, I like Poppy the potato.
36:46She cooks potatoes in lots of different ways.
36:48Yeah, Poppy's amazing.
36:49She's incredible.
36:49I've seen this girl do things with potatoes that are inhuman.
36:52What's your favourite way to have a potato or go?
36:54Dock from what?
36:54You fancy fucker!
36:57So, we've got the mega fish and chip butty, but all of the components are quite flashy.
37:02Oh, look at that.
37:03Oh, yeah.
37:05Oh, murder that.
37:05Oh, man.
37:07That's not a fish butty, mate.
37:08That's a banquet.
37:09And I'm all for it.
37:11So, we're starting off with a vodka and tonic battered fish.
37:16Yes.
37:17Vodka.
37:17Vodka in the batter.
37:18Oh, she's master.
37:19I like her.
37:19Yeah.
37:20A tonic batter.
37:21Yeah.
37:21Just when it couldn't get any better.
37:23You would love that.
37:24Vodka, fish and chips, my worlds are colliding.
37:27What's your favourite fish to have as fish and chips?
37:30You cod, girl, haddock?
37:31Cod.
37:31It's got to be cod.
37:32This is journalism.
37:33This is good.
37:34I'm haddock.
37:35I am haddock.
37:36I love haddock.
37:37They all taste the same.
37:38They're in batter.
37:38I'd have a remote control for one in a deep fat frayer.
37:42What's your favourite fish for a...
37:43Haddock.
37:44Is it?
37:44Yeah, what's yours?
37:45Haddock as well, actually.
37:47Well, that's...
37:48Good chat.
37:49If you go to a fish and chips shop, what's your normal order?
37:51What about a pickled egg?
37:53I don't mind a pickled egg.
37:54I love a pickled egg.
37:55What are you?
37:56Oh, chips and a battered sausage.
37:59You love your sausage.
38:00I do.
38:01And a bit of curry sauce to dip it in.
38:03HE LAUGHS
38:04You.
38:07I've got another question.
38:09What do you drink with fish and chips?
38:11Dandelion and burdock.
38:12Oh.
38:13Yes!
38:14Water.
38:15You drink water?
38:15Yeah, because there's enough going on.
38:17Also, you know, I like to make the fish feel at home.
38:20Yeah, I go lemonade or a cup of tea.
38:22Oh.
38:23Cup of tea?
38:24Nah, nah.
38:25Get Phil back.
38:26Get Phil back.
38:27Because he wouldn't drink tea.
38:29No, he wasn't.
38:30Get Phil back on.
38:31Really?
38:32A cup of tea?
38:32Love a cup of tea with fish and chips.
38:33You know what's nice with a fish and chips?
38:34A Malbec.
38:35A Malbec with fish and chips?
38:37Is that wine?
38:38Well, I think it is.
38:40You don't fucking drink wine?
38:41A Malbec wine with fish and chips?
38:44Unless you're an alcoholic.
38:45Well, unless you're a twat.
38:48Very nice.
38:49What do you drink at home?
38:50Just send that in to us so that we know.
38:52Let them know, Kelly.
38:53Let them know.
38:54Who's messaging this morning to tell them what drink they have with a chippy tea?
38:57Fucking hell.
38:58More people than you think.
39:00Oh, hang on one second.
39:01I'm just going to message this morning.
39:03I must let Alison and Dermot know.
39:04I have a glass of water.
39:05Send.
39:06Some of your lovely goujons with your vodka tonic.
39:09How are we going to get our mouth roundly?
39:10Well.
39:11Well, I'm glad someone said it, Alison.
39:13That's too big for my mouth.
39:14Yeah, you can't open your mouth very wide, so that's not going in.
39:17Can't do it.
39:18Guys, I can not eat that sandwich.
39:20Look at the size of that.
39:21That is a big sandwich.
39:22Go on.
39:23Go on.
39:24I would be like, you've got to go to break because things are about to get real freaky.
39:28Honestly, you would not want to cut back to me.
39:31You come back from break and I'll be on the sofa going.
39:35In Birmingham.
39:37Do you know what I've got?
39:38What?
39:38What have you got?
39:39It's been so hot recently.
39:41How's that?
39:41I've got these at home.
39:43What is that?
39:44They're fans, look.
39:45Alison, her son Aiden and her sister Sandra.
39:48Oh, you put them around your neck?
39:50You put, you can put, but this, this one.
39:52That one's huge.
39:52Look at the size of it.
39:53Yeah, but look, it twists.
39:54It's really, really good.
39:56Look, you can have it anywhere.
39:57And at night, you know when you can't see?
39:59Yeah.
40:01Turn it on.
40:03Feel that.
40:04You can have one up there.
40:06I need that.
40:07Then just lock, I'll just lock.
40:09Where's the other one?
40:10Well, wherever you want it.
40:13Over the summer, Channel 4 turned up the heat with another toe-curling trip to the open
40:19house.
40:20What are we watching now?
40:21Sex.
40:22Come on.
40:23I'm so excited for this.
40:25Sexy time.
40:25Come on.
40:26It's basically loads of up for it people go to a house and bang.
40:32Nice house.
40:33It's a great house.
40:33If you're going to have sex in a house, go there.
40:35Do it in that one.
40:36How are you with sex?
40:37Well, I'm just...
40:38Do you like it?
40:39I think I'm rather splendid at it.
40:40In my own opinion.
40:42I mean, it's brief, but it's enjoyable.
40:43That's all you need.
40:44Heading to the retreat are married couple, hairdresser Tanya and window cleaner Ashley
40:50from Leeds.
40:51Okay.
40:51All right.
40:52Classic.
40:53Window cleaner.
40:54What?
40:56Window cleaner.
41:00Tanya brought up the idea of having an open relationship and letting other women join
41:04us, which was a bit of a shock at first.
41:06I didn't know if it was like a trap.
41:09He goes like, tread carefully, boy.
41:12He's like, no.
41:12He's like, I would never do that.
41:14The male that wants to fucking do it.
41:16I couldn't.
41:18I mean, if it's going to make you happy.
41:22Tanya and Ashley have been having sex with other people for five years.
41:27Oh.
41:28So, how do they get in?
41:29Have you got underwear that looks like that?
41:31Is that underwear?
41:32I think so.
41:33Okay.
41:33I have a lot of ribbons.
41:34I could probably make that out of my art and crafts drawer.
41:37So, we're coming in to venture off our own separate ways to have sex separately from
41:42each other.
41:43Oh, right.
41:44So, now, having done everything together, now it's doing it apart.
41:48It's so dangerous, this game, isn't it?
41:50I would be so nervous right now, would you?
41:52Yeah.
41:53So, obviously, there's always a worry about rejection, but I'm hoping that that doesn't
41:56actually happen.
41:57Oh, Tanya finds someone.
41:58She sort of goes off and I just sit in the room, clock watching, waiting to come back.
42:02It'll be pretty horrible.
42:04Oh, no.
42:05Oh, he's struggling.
42:06I feel sorry for him already.
42:07I'm worried he's going to be sat there with a word search and a cup of cocoa while she's
42:12off having, you know.
42:14The time of her life.
42:17How are you going?
42:19Have fun.
42:20See you soon.
42:20See you soon.
42:22God, how are you going?
42:23Go on.
42:24How are you going?
42:24Go on.
42:24Up you go.
42:25Go on.
42:25Let Mummy have some fun.
42:27This is going to work out quite badly, I think.
42:29Right.
42:29See you back here in half an hour.
42:31Yeah.
42:31Or not.
42:32Or not.
42:33I'm Olivia.
42:33It's lovely to meet you.
42:35Is Tanya like your comfort blanket?
42:36Yep.
42:37Yeah.
42:37It's not very sexy, though, is it?
42:39That, the nervousness thing.
42:40I mean, it's relatable and I'm definitely that person, but if you're looking to go upstairs
42:45to the West Wing and get banged, you're not going to be looking to him, are you?
42:48My husband, too, he's in there and I'm like, where is he?
42:53Oh, so her husband's in there and talking to his wife.
42:57Right.
42:58Is this you asking me back, is it?
43:00Potentially.
43:00Yeah, I'm interested.
43:02I'm definitely interested.
43:02Yeah, I'm definitely interested.
43:03You're not going to reject me.
43:04I'm not going to reject you, no.
43:05Because if you do, honestly, I'll hunt you down.
43:07No, no, no.
43:09Oh, look at him.
43:10I want to go and give Ashley a hug.
43:13Now, that may be misinterpreted within that environment.
43:15In the context.
43:17See you soon.
43:18Oh, my God.
43:19Oh, my God.
43:20See you soon.
43:21Oh, listen, each to their own, but he clearly ain't into this.
43:25You all right?
43:26Yeah, I'm good.
43:26How are you?
43:27I'm good.
43:28It's got all really quiet.
43:29Oh, she's sweet.
43:30She's sweet.
43:31So, this is the bloke's wife.
43:33Plot twist.
43:36Prosecco's nice.
43:37That was his chat.
43:38Prosecco's nice.
43:41Yeah, I wonder if you wanted to go spend a bit more time together.
43:46Yeah, I would like to get to know you more.
43:48Yeah, that's good to hear.
43:49Yeah?
43:49Yeah.
43:50Come on, Ash.
43:51Come on, Ash.
43:52Do the best.
43:52Taking my shoes off.
43:53Yeah, take your shoes off.
43:54Let's get comfortable.
43:56Mummy, there's cameras.
43:57Mummy, there's cameras everywhere.
43:59Are we going to...
44:00We're not.
44:00We're not.
44:01Are we...
44:01We're not.
44:02Are they going to...
44:04Do you want to have fun?
44:05We can go to the yurt, if the yurt's available.
44:07The yurt.
44:08Oh.
44:09What is a yurt?
44:10I think it's like a...
44:11I thought it's where you milked goats.
44:14Oh, it's nice.
44:15Oh, it's a nice yurt.
44:17It's a sort of glamping, I dig.
44:19He's got, like, Peter Stringfellow's bedroom, or we've gone camping.
44:22Yeah.
44:23You are good?
44:25Yep.
44:25Oh, Ash.
44:26It's unbearable.
44:28I can't bear this.
44:32Meanwhile...
44:51Oh, no, it's a bit near the mark now, isn't it?
44:58No!
45:00What?
45:01Oh, please.
45:05No!
45:07Whoa!
45:08She's twerking.
45:10Where's our guy?
45:12Ash, come on, man.
45:13I swear, if we go back to this yurt and they're just eating pombeers and having a chat, I'm not
45:18going to be happy.
45:18It better be a mess in there.
45:20It better be.
45:21It better be.
45:22She can't be doing our guy like that, man.
45:24Do you have pineapple pizza?
45:25No!
45:27No, no pineapple pizza.
45:28Do you have pineapple on your pizza?
45:30Pineapple pizza?
45:36Oh, Ash.
45:37Shall we get this awkwardness out of the way?
45:39Because this is making me cringy.
45:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:43Oh, he's dripping off.
45:44Just take it off.
45:47Do you have a stick?
45:48Have it.
45:49Come on, Ash.
45:50Oh, we're not going to see some awkward sex now.
45:52Come on, stuff her crust.
45:57Oh, good luck to them both.
46:00It's a happy ending.
46:01Yeah.
46:02In more ways than one.
46:04Mm, very much so.
46:05Always great to watch with your sister.
46:10On the hunt for the big guy, Lenny Rush is even roping in Stephen Fry.
46:15Magic and heartwarming drama, Finding Father Christmas, perfectly placed this Christmas
46:19Eve at 7.30.
46:21The winners from series 16 to 20, which include Maisie Adam, Matthew Bainton and Sam Campbell,
46:27all come together for Taskmaster Champion of Champions 2025 this Monday at 9.
46:32Up next, the last leg.
46:33Perfect world.
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