00:00Hey guys, welcome to Meltdown and Jade's Moronic Movie Review. I'm Meltdown.
00:04I'm Jade.
00:04And she doesn't know how to water her plants.
00:07There's only one real movie critic in this room. It says right there, movie critic. So
00:13you can take my word over whatever she is about to say. But we went and watched the movie Crime
00:19101 last night. A little sneak preview, and we're going to talk about it. So first,
00:23tell everybody kind of a synopsis about the movie.
00:25It's a heist movie, right? Classic heist. There's some twists, some turns. Dude's a jewel thief.
00:33He comes to crossroads with his morals, meets a chick. There's this other insurance lady involved.
00:40She comes to terms with some crossroads in her life. And then there's the cop that's chasing
00:46the jewel thief. It all happens down the 101 in California.
00:49Yeah. And by the way, the cop, you know, is played by Mark Ruffalo, and it's the usual,
00:52like, you know... I think it's Ruffalo. Ruffalo. Okay. It's the usual thing where he's like,
00:57you know, he hasn't shaved in days. And for some reason, he moves in the movie. Not really sure
01:01what happened there. His wife left him. Oh, okay. So here's the thing. That's the synopsis,
01:07right? So can we get into like our thoughts on it? Yeah. Okay. I've never done a movie review,
01:12Meltdown. Okay. It's obvious. This is the first time we're doing this. So it's a heist movie,
01:16right? It should be full of action, thrills, a lot of car chases. That was cool. The movie is way
01:21too
01:21long. It's two hours and 20 minutes. And we could have cut 40 minutes out of that easily. There's
01:27extra plot lines that are unnecessary. Chris Hemsworth, he's the main jewel thief. He falls
01:33in love. Nothing happens with that storyline. Completely irrelevant. Thoughts? Yeah, that was,
01:39yeah, it was kind of bizarre. And by the way, I'm down for anything Halle Berry's in. So I'm just
01:44going to put that right out there. And then for some reason, Nick Nolte was in the movie,
01:47and I'm not really sure what he was doing. What was it? Nick Nolte was the guy who was setting
01:53up
01:53the heist. Okay. Right? So he's working with Chris Hemsworth to set up these places that he's going
01:58to go rob. The most jarring thing, what was more jarring about this movie, other than its plot,
02:05was Nick Nolte's face. Yeah. Yeah. And plus his hair was combed, which was refreshing. Maybe I
02:12should have drank so much Jack Daniels before seeing the movie. Who's to say?
02:15Meltdown, you were sleeping. And that's not a joke. I looked over and this man is sitting
02:21like that, sleeping. Well, listen, here's the thing. You said the movie was two hours and 20
02:25minutes. Not to me, it wasn't. It was too long. I mean, I don't hate it, but I didn't love
02:30it.
02:30It's no Ocean's 11, right? That's for sure. It's not. It was a fun movie to go have a couple
02:36of
02:36drinks before going to see. I think it was cool with the car chases, like good to see on the
02:40big screen,
02:41but also, is it a must-see in the theater? I don't know that I would call it that.
02:45Did I mention Halle Berry's in it? Okay. Yes, Halle Berry's in it. We've got Barry Kogan,
02:53Mark Ruffalo, Nick Nolte, Chris Hemsworth. So like all-star lineup, you would have thought
02:57it would have been better when it came to the plot. All right. Well, I'll tell you, we'll rank
03:02you right now from stars from zero to five. So I'll let you go first. Well, for the record,
03:08to start, Meltdown has been reviewing movies for quite some time. The whole reason we started this
03:14was because he likes to go to the movies a lot. I like to go to the movies. I watch
03:19a lot of movies
03:19at home. We don't really have the same taste in movies that we like. So we thought this could
03:24be kind of funny, right? Meltdown has never given a movie rating higher than a 3.7.
03:29That's not true. I think I gave a four and a half on something recently. I think Send Help,
03:33I gave a four and a half or something. That is a first. First time it's happened,
03:37I asked him, I was like, what is your scale based on? Because nothing has ever been higher than a
03:41four. Okay. So with that being said, what is your- I'm a tough critic, but here's my thing.
03:47I'm going to give this a two out of five. I thought it was like, meh. I thought it was
03:52like, okay.
03:53I kind of knew what this movie was going to be about, and I was kind of hoping it would
03:56wow me,
03:57and it never really did. So I'm just going to put it out there, two out of five.
04:01I'm not as tough of a movie critic, but I do agree with what he said. The movie didn't wow
04:05me.
04:06There was, it was too long. There was too much extra plot. The action should have been like,
04:10boom, boom, boom. And it was like, boom, boom. You get what I'm saying? I'm giving it a 3.2.
04:17Okay. And then, by the way, I think that it's written in some of these guys' contracts,
04:21like Mark Wahlberg and whatnot, that they have to appear on the screen without their shirt on.
04:26So right off the get-go, there's Chris Hemsworth without his shirt on.
04:28I did not mind that part.
04:30Okay. All right. That might have been the .2 in your 3.2.
04:35It definitely was. So there you have it. That's our first Meltdown and Jade's Moronic Movie Reviews.
04:43Crime 101 in theaters this weekend. If you're looking for something to do, go check it out.
04:48We'll make you up.
04:48Take it out.
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